Paper Mario: The Thousand-Minute Door

By Koopa Kid

Chapter 2: A Freakin’ Tree

After Mario and Koops have a big celebration in Petalburg they leave and go all the way to the Thousand-Minute Door.

Koops: All right, Mario, hold up the Crystal Star!

Mario holds up the Crystal Star and the weird lightshow comes on again.

Mario: There's the new location on my map! It's a tree!

Koops: Well let's talk to the professor about this!

They appear inside Frankly's house.

Frankly: A tree, you say?

Mario: Yeah, a tree!

Frankly: That would be the Great Tree in Boggly Woods! I think there's a warp pipe that leads into Boggly Woods somewhere around here. And for no reason at all I'll tell you that the inhabitants are little gray creatures with antennae called Punies.

Koops: Okay.

They go back into the underground section of Rogueport and find the exact creature that Frankly described.

Mario: Hey! It's a Puni!

Koops: Let's follow it!

They use the thin curse to slide through the bars and find the Puni shivering in a corner.

Puni: Are you going to hurt me?

Mario: Of course not! What ever gave you that idea?

Punio: Well I'm Punio and the X-Nauts are attacking us saying something about a Crystal Star.

Koops: What are the X-Nauts?

Mario: And you've got to take us to Boggly Woods so we get the Crystal Star before they do!

Punio: Okay! I'll activate the secret switch that activates the warp pipe!

Punio does exactly so when Mario's Mailbox XP starts ringing.

Koops: You have Blondie’s "Call Me!" as your ringtone?!

Mario: Yes. Now let me read this letter!

"Dear Mario,
I do not know were I am being held. But don't worry, my physical well being isn't at stake. I am perfectly safe. They're mentioning something about Crystal Stars but whatever they are you have to get them before they do!


Koops: Someone else is looking for the Crystal Stars too?

Mario: Man, everyone wants to get that treasure!

They hop into the warp pipe.

At the X-Naut Base...

Grodus: They seem to be heading to Boggly Woods. Lackey, call the Shadow Sirens!

X-Naut #1: Yes sir! Shadow Sirens! Grodus wants to see you!

The Shadow Sirens appear.

Beldam: So what do you want, Grodus?

Grodus: I've got a sketch of Mario, attack that person on this sketch.

Beldam takes the sketch.

Beldam: Only one problem, where do we find him?

Grodus: In Boggly Woods.

Beldam: That's all I needed to know.

Beldam disappears into the shadows.

Marilyn: Guh!

Marilyn disappears into the shadows.

Vivian: You can count on us, sir!

Vivian disappears into the shadows.

In Boggly Woods...

Mario, Koops, and Punio rise out of the warp pipe. At the same time the Shadow Sirens rise out of the shadows right in front them.

Beldam: All right, Vivian, where's the sketch?

Vivian: I don't have it! You do! You said it was too much of a responsibility for me to have so you took it!

Beldam: You mean you lost it?!

Marilyn: Guh?

Vivian tosses out a necklace she finds to Beldam.

Vivian: You won't believe me anyway, I'll just get it over with so you won't have to punish me later.

Beldam: Wow! You finally did something right for a change!

Marilyn: Guh!

Beldam: What is it now, Marilyn?

They turn around and spot Mario and his friends.

Beldam: So what? It's just a man with a mustache.

Vivian: Hello there!

Beldam: We have no time for greetings!

Marilyn: Guh!

Beldam: What do you mean? That might be Mario and his pals!

Vivian: You know, Marilyn could be right.

They continue to argue as Mario, Koops, and Punio get out of the area.

Koops: Why were they talking about you?

Mario: They may be one of the few people trying to get the Crystal Stars!

Punio: Come on! Let's go to the Great Tree!

They follow Punio towards the Great Tree until they are stopped by a Pale Piranha and a Dark Puff.

Pale Piranha: I'm going to eat you alive!

Dark Puff: I'm going to blow you away!

They stare at each other.

Pale Piranha: If you blow them away I can't eat them...

Dark Puff: If you eat them I can't blow them away...

They start to fight each other in a big cloud of dust (don't ask me how the Pale Piranha got off the ground).

Pale Piranha: I'm going to eat you, Dark Puff!

Dark Puff: I'm going to blow you away, Pale Piranha!

Mario and the others ignore the fight and go inside the Great Tree.

Punio: Oh no! A locked door! I've never seen that before!

Koops: Hey, that rhymed!

Mario: Is there another way we could get inside?

Punio: Well there's a secret entrance around here somewhere. But it's blocked by some kind of invisible thingy. I mean it just isn't gonna be labeled Secret Entrance or else anyone could find it.

Koops: How can we find the secret entrance?

Punio: Well there's someone named Flurrie who has wind powers that can remove the invisible thingy. She lives somewhere in the woods. Let's go!

They head over to Flurrie's house.

In Flurrie's house...

Flurrie: Now I'm going to sort through all of my stuff for no reason at all!

She does exactly that.

Flurrie: Oh no! My necklace is gone!

Back at Boggly Woods...

They are right in front of Flurrie's house.

Punio: This is Flurrie's house!

Mario: It's more like a mansion than a house.

They go inside.

Punio: Hey Flurrie!

Flurrie: You have to find my necklace in order for me to save the Punies! I don't go in public without it!

Koops: Is she psychic or something?

Mario: Even if she's not psychic, that's just plain creepy.

They walk out of Flurrie's mansion and start to head back towards the Shadow Sirens.

Vivian: I told you, you had that sketch!

Beldam: Forget it. Let's just look at the sketch.

They look at the sketch and find out that the mustache man was indeed Mario.

Marilyn: Guh!

Beldam: Don't rub it in!

Vivian: Ha ha! You've been corrected twice!

Beldam: I said don't rub it in!

Mario and company are now right behind them.

Beldam: Just in time. We've been waiting for you!

Koops: Hey! You’re the ones with the necklace... Wai,t what do you mean you've been waiting for us?

Beldam: We've been sent by the X-Nauts to exterminate Mario to get the map and the Crystal Star!

Punio: You’re associated with the X-Nauts?!

Beldam: Yes. We're The Three...

Marilyn: Shadow...

Vivian: Beauties!

Koops: You’re "The Three Shadow Beauties"?

Beldam: It's "The Three Shadow Sirens", not "The Three Shadow Beauties"!

Vivian: They both mean the same thing anyway.

Beldam: But Shadow Sirens is much fancier.

Vivian: True.

Mario: Look. Can we just battle already?

Beldam: Yeah.

Mario tosses a boomerang at them but they all disappear into the shadows and then rise back out of the shadows when the boomerang passes them by.

Beldam: You missed us!

Marilyn: Guh guh guh guh guh!

Vivian: Uh, Beldam?

Beldam: What? I'm busy gloating.

Vivian: Doesn't a boomerang return in the direction of the one who threw it?

Their eyes bulge as the boomerang comes back in their direction. Beldam turns around and blasts it with her magic, which makes it fall on the ground, and Marilyn strikes it with lightning, which makes it burn into ashes.

Beldam: You're gonna have to do better than that!

Vivian: I mean, that's just pathetic.

Mario: Okay. If you say so.

Mario goes behind Marilyn and pushes her on top of Beldam. The impact makes Beldam lose the necklace.

Mario: Say hello to 80 percent body fat!

Beldam: Hello 80 percent body fat!

Mario takes the necklace and puts it in his pocket.

Vivian: Why didn't you do anything to me?

Mario: Do you want me to do something to you?

Vivian: No.

Mario: Good!

They get to the front door of Flurrie's mansion.

Koops: Wait. Why did you get almost all of the lines during the battle with the Shadow Sirens?

Mario: Because I did.

Koops: Oh, okay!

They go inside Flurrie's Mansion.

Punio: Flurrie! We've got the necklace!

Flurrie: Good! Lay it in front of the door.

Mario takes the necklace out of his pocket and lays it in front of the door. Flurrie opens the door, grabs the necklace, and closes the door again. She comes out of the door with her necklace on.

Flurrie: I feel good! Da na na na na na na na! Oh I knew that I would now! Da na na na na na na na!

Koops: Are you going to join our quest soon? Or are you just going to keep on singing?

Flurrie: I'm going to join your quest.

Koops: I thought so.

Koops shrinks and flies into Mario's pocket.

Koops: Hey, it is comfy in here!

Goombella: Told ya!

Flurrie: I have wind powers so I can blow stuff away!

Mario: Is everyone ready to go to the tree?

Everyone: Yeah.

They head to the tree until they are stopped by the same Dark Puff and Pale Piranha.

Dark Puff and Pale Piranha: We decided to team up!

Dark Puff: I'll strike you with lightning.

Pale Piranha: And after that I'll have cooked dinner!

Punio: Who's the cooked dinner?

Pale Piranha: You!

Flurrie blows both of them away and also blows the invisible thingy away, revealing the secret entrance and a label over it that says Secret Entrance.

Mario: It was labeled Secret Entrance!

Punio goes through the secret entrance and presses the switch that unlocks the door. Mario and Flurrie go into the Great Tree.

X-Naut #1: Hey! It's Mario!

X-Naut #2: Let's get him!

Punio: Oh no! X-Nauts!

Mario: Those are X-Nauts?

The X-Nauts start charging towards Mario when all of a sudden a football lands in one of the X-Naut's hands.

X-Naut#1: What the?

Mario: Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

X-Nauts: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mario tackles the X-Nauts, afterwards they run away screaming their heads off.

Punio: Hey Punies! Where are you?

Puni #1: Over here.

They all come out of the bushes.

Punio: You've got to help us save the tree and all of the Punies!

Puniper: We won't help you until you save the Puni Elder!

They go over to where the Puni Elder is being held.

Punio: Elder! We're here!

Puni Elder: Don't just stand there, save me!

Punio: Okay!

They walk right past the cage where Punio's sister, Petuni, is being held, completely unaware, that the cage is there.

In the next room...

X-Naut #3: Heh heh! I like laughing for no reason! Heh heh!

Ms. Mowz jumps down and slaps the X-Naut in the back of the head, thus knocking him out. Mario and friends come in the room and retrieve the key from the chest.

Ms. Mowz: Hello there. you handsome hunk of cheese!

Mario: Ms. Mowz?! What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!

Ms. Mowz: By some strange chance the shock from the fall didn't kill me. I was looking for some rare badges and now I've got what I wanted.

Punio: Weird!

Ms. Mowz: Well I've got to be going!

Ms. Mowz kisses Mario on the cheek and jumps out of the hole in the tree.

Flurrie: Wait. Aren't we hundreds of feet up?

Ms. Mowz: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Like before, a splat sound is heard.

Mario: Let's go! Again!

They go over to the Elder Puni's cage and unlocks it with the key.

Punio: Elder! I...

Elder Puni: Quiet! I will lecture you!

Mario smacks his face.

On the Strudel Continent...

Luigi: Plumpbelly Village ahoy!

Blooey: You know, you don't have to do that every time we find a new location.

Luigi: Well you don't have to make that big a deal out of it.

They stop the boat at Plumpbelly Village's dock. (Why does every place they go to have a dock?)

Mayor: You!

Luigi: What?

Mayor: There is an evil, two-headed serpent that eats girls and you must vanquish it!

Luigi: What's in it for me?

Mayor: We'll have a huge banquet.

Luigi: No thanks. I'm trying to find a Marvelous Compass Piece.

Mayor: I saw the serpent somehow ate a piece of a compass.

Luigi: You've got yourself a deal!

A Bob-omb walks up to him.

Jerry: Woah! You’re Luigi! I'm Jerry! Can I have your autograph?

Luigi: Sure!

Luigi gives him an autograph.

Jerry: What are you getting the Marvelous Compass Pieces for?

Luigi: To rescue Princess Eclair from the evil Chestnut King.

Jerry: Cool! Can I join you on your quest?

Luigi: Sure!

Jerry: Yahoo!

?: Grooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Mayor: Oh no! The serpent!

The mayor squeals like a little girl and dashes into his house.

Luigi: (yelling) Why are you eating girls anyway?

Two-Headed Serpent: I don't know. I'm confused.

Head #1: Attack!

Head #2: What makes you the boss of me?

Head #1: Kill!

The heads attack each other and eventually they eat each other (ew).

Luigi: That was gross!

Jerry: Hey look! There's something shiny in its belly!

Luigi goes inside, grabs the Marvelous Compass Piece, and comes back out.

Mayor: Wanna date my daughter?

An enormous fat lady comes out and the Psycho music starts playing.

Jerry: Run for your lives!

Luigi, Blooey, and Jerry hop onto the boat and leaves. After that a very pretty supermodel walks out.

Mayor: (yelling) Wait! My daughter’s a teen supermodel! Oh well.

Luigi: Okay, the next Piece is at Circuit Break City.

Jerry: Isn't that where people ride the cool, futuristic go-karts?

Blooey: Yes.

Back in the Great Tree...

Elder Puni: ...And that is why you should never go out and get lost while looking for help again!

Punio: But I never got lost.

Elder Puni: Silence!

Her really loud yell makes Petuni's cage explode.

Petuni: Brother!

Punio: Sis!

Petuni: Brother!

Punio: Sis!

Petuni: Brother!

Punio: Sis!

Petuni: Bro...

Mario covers her mouth.

Mario: Don't do that again.

Punio: Let's go to the others!

They go to the others.

Puniper: What?! You rescued all of the other Punies and the elder?!

Punio: Yep!

Flurrie: Ixnay on the alktay. And urryhay.

Punio: Huh?

Mario: It's Pig Latin!

They go over to the next room and see a ton of bubbles floating in the room.

Puni #1: Hey, it's bubble soap!

Puni #2: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Eventually they all end up in bubbles and Flurrie uses her wind powers to blow them to the other side.

Puni #3: The bubbles popped

Puni #4: All pop!

They go to a room with 100 mosquitoes otherwise known as Jabbies.

Punio: Oh no! A 100 Jabbie squadron!

Puniper: Attack!

They attack the Jabbies and win. After the vicious war they find another Jabbi.

Punio: Hey, it's my friend, Jabble!

Flurrie: Awwwwwww. He's so cute!

Mario: He can come with us if that's what he wants.

They continue their journey with their new friend until they suddenly get trapped in a cage.

Lord Crump: Hello there, Mario! Remember me?

Mario: You’re that X-Naut that threatened Goombella!

Lord Crump: That's right! Specifically my name is Lord Crump.

Mario: You’re never going to get that Crystal Star, Crump!

Lord Crump: Oh but I will. Now that I've trapped you and your friends inside that cage, you’re going nowhere!

Lord Crump and his cronies dash away. Mario uses his thin curse to slide through the bars of the cage.

Flurrie: We got out but we have to rescue the Punies!

Mario and Flurrie go to the next room and find a treasure chest. Being curious, Mario opens it. The background turns white and Toadette appears in front of Mario.

Toadette: Congratulations! You've got the Super Boots! They allow you to perform a spin jump even though it's really called a ground pound but for some reason I have to call it a spin jump.

Everything goes back to normal, Mario goes back inside the cage, and does a spin jump on the wooden thingy to make a hole in the floor which all of the Punies, Jabble, Mario, and Flurrie go into.

Petuni: Yay! We escaped!

They all cheer and go to the next room.

Mario: Hey, a Crystal Star!

Lord Crump: Hey, you’re right!

Lord Crump grabs the Crystal Star.

Mario: Hey!

Lord Crump: Ha! Now I will set a time bomb which will make the tree explode in 200 seconds!

Lord Crump activates the time bomb.

Lord Crump: So long, suckers!

Lord Crump dashes out of another door which leads to another room. Mario and the others follow him and end up finding him immediately.

Elder Puni: I will bore you with my lectures!

Lord Crump: Just let me out already, you old coot!

Elder Puni: Old coot?! Why I oughta...

Her back pops.

Elder Puni: Dang! Stupid back!

Flurrie: Give us the Crystal Star and leave the elder alone!

Lord Crump: Since we'll battle now I'll deactivate the time bomb.

He deactivates the time bomb.

Lord Crump: Say hello to Magnus Von Grapple!

Mario: Who or what is Magnus Von Grapple?!

A giant robot comes out and Lord Crump hops into the cockpit.

Mario: Oh...

Lord Crump: Prepare to say goodbye!

Mario: In fact I'll introduce Magnus Von Grapple to my screwdriver!

Lord Crump: Oh phoo...

Mario takes Magnus Von Grapple apart with his screwdriver and eventually all that's left is all of the robot parts scattered all over the ground.

Lord Crump: Retreat!

All of the X-Nauts retreat and when Lord Crump runs away he drops the Crystal Star. Mario grabs the Crystal Star.

End Of Chapter

Mario saved all of the Punies, got a new friend, and defeated the evil forces of both Magnus Von Grapple and the Shadow Sirens. Only five more Dtars to go! What's going on with Peach and Bowser right now?

In the X-Naut base...

Grodus: What?! He defeated all of you and got the Crystal Star?! I am very disappointed.

Beldam: He's really tough, sir.

Vivian: His advantage is using common sense.

Marilyn: Guh!

Lord Crump: We'll all make sure that we defeat him next time!

Grodus: You’d better defeat him next time.

In Peach's room...

Peach: I wonder if TEC is going to call me again.

The door opens right on cue.

Peach: Well, time to see TEC.

She goes over to where TEC is.

Peach: What do you want, TEC?

TEC: I want you to dance with a holographic image of yourself!

A hologram appears.

Peach: I can't dance with a hologram!

Peach types a message on the keyboard, sends it to Mario, and leaves the room.

TEC: Those are some pretty good dance moves!

In Petalburg...

Koopa at the Gate: It's Bowser! Run!

Bowser: Come back here, traitors!

Kammy: Your grumpiness!

Bowser: What is it?!

Kammy: Look over there!

Bowser looks at a window and sees Peach. Bowser walks over there.

Bowser: Ah, Peach! Now is the time that I will kidnap you!

Peach: ...

Bowser: Why isn't she saying anything?

Kammy: She must be stunned with happiness!

Bowser: Well it could be better to have a silent [rincess instead of one screaming all day that says “Let me out! Let me out!” Well, time to take you to the castle, Peach!

Bowser walks over to Peach and just as he's about to get her a Koopa comes out of the house and jumps out in front of Bowser.

Koopa: No! You’re not getting my most prized treasure, my Princess Peach poster!

The Koopa peals the poster off of his window and goes back in his house. After that Bowser's eyes turn as wide as saucers.

Bowser: Oh great, I'm the evil king of talking to posters.

Kammy: Don't worry! We'll have better luck next time!

Read on!

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