Peach starts walking randomly in Rogueport.
Peach: Finally! I get to go sightseeing without that worrywart Toadsworth around. He's such a pain in the neck!
?: Hey Missy!
After Peach heard someone speak she starts doing double takes.
Peach: W-who are you?
?: I'm over here!
Peach still sees nothing after looking left and right.
Peach (kneeling down): Oh, mighty ghost, I will obey your every whim! Now please don't take my soul!
?: I'm right behind you, woman!
Peach turns around and sees a merchant with a cloak on.
Peach: Whew! What a relief, I thought you were a ghost that would eat my soul unless I obey your every whim.
Merchant: That would be nice. But sadly I'm just a merchant.
Peach: What are you selling?
Merchant: Well I do have this new item.
The merchant shows Peach a box that seems like it isn't very old.
Marchant: According to other sources it's only been around for a few hours.
Peach: That's a pretty box! What's in it?
Merchant: I have no idea! Only someone with a pure and noble soul can open it.
The merchant attempts to open the box.
Merchant: Open up, you dang box! Are you saying I don't have a pure and noble soul?! Why I oughta...
The merchant bites it, punches it, and even scratches it. After the merchant's little episode Peach swipes it out of her hands.
Peach: What is wrong with you, you psychotic maniac?!
Peach opens the box and a white light comes out.
Peach: Ooooooooooo! Pretty lights!
In Mario's Pad...
Parakarry appears in front of the mailbox and puts some letters in.
Patakarry: Mail call!
Mario: Shut up and get out of here, you vermin! Can't you see we're trying to sleep here?!
Mario opens the window and tosses an old shoe at Parakarry. Parakarry gets the message and flies away quickly.
Mario: Luigi! What did we get in the mail?
Luigi: Well there's a letter addressed to you from Peach. Ahem!
I found a not so ancient box from a merchant that contains a not so ancient map that might lead to a not so ancient treasure. I found this in Rogueport, which means the treasure might be in Rogueport. Which means you must come!
PS. I included the map with this letter.
PPS. I can't make heads or tells out of it.
PPPS. I like ponies!"
Mario: Wellm time to go to Rogueport!
Mario walks out the door and gets onto a boat at the dock destined for Rogueport.
At the Rogueport dock...
Navigator: Are you sure you want to be here?
Mario, annoyed, jumps out of the boat
and onto the dock to see a
uniformed soldier arguing with a little Goomba girl.
Lord Crump: Where are the Crystal Stars?
Goombella: For the 10,000,000th timem I don't know what you’re talking about!
Lord Crump: I know you know what the Crystal Stars are.
Goombella: No I don't, soldier butt!
Mario steps in between Goombella and Lord Crump.
Mario: Hey! You leave this little sassy girl alone!
Lord Crump: You dare to interfere, you fool?!
Lord Crump: That's it! We're going to have to battle each other!
Mario takes out a wooden plank from out of nowhere and smacks Lord Crump on the tooshie with it.
Lord Crump: (running away, crying) Ow! Mommy!
Goombella: Thank you! You saved me!
Mario: You’re welcome!
Goombella: Who are you, anyway?
Mario: I'm Mario, the famous Mushroom Kingdom superstar! I'm looking for Princess Peach so we can find a not so ancient treasure!
Goombella: You’re the famous Super Mario?! And you’re looking for Princess Peach?! I know how to award you!
Mario: And that would be...?
Goombella: I'll join you on your adventure! I can tell you about the citizens and places we'll be at!
Mario: That's great! Now what do we do?
Goombella: Well my teacher Professor
Frankly might be able to give us some good
Mario: Well, let's go!
Mario and Goombella walk over to Frankly's house.
Goombella: Well, here we are!
Mario: Excellent! Now to get inside!
Mario knocks on the door and all of a sudden the door opens and Mario flies right into a wall. Goombella walks over to Mario.
Goombella: Mario, are you okay?
Mario: Where's the leak, Ma'am? Mommy, where's my teddy bear? Do you want to be a pepper, too? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Mario shakes his head.
Mario: Okay, I'm fine, now lets go in!
They go in and spot Frankly.
Frankly: Hey Goombella! Is that you?
Goombella: Yeah! How did you know?
Frankly: Why wouldn't I remember? You were my best student, not to mention the sassiest one in school!
Mario: Hey Prof! Do you know anything about the not so ancient treasure that has to do with this not so ancient map?
Mario hands Frankly the map and Frankly surveys it for a while before eventually responding to Mario.
Frankly: Oh! What you’re talking about is the Thousand-Minute Door!
Goombella: You mean to tell us that it's only been around for over 16 hours?!
Frankly: Yeah. Now I will babble on for hours telling you two about the non ancient Thousand-Minute Door.
Mario: Oh great. An old coot is gonna
go on for hours telling us about the
Thousand-Minute Door. That's just what I need.
Back at Mario's Pad...
Luigi starts going through the rest of the mail when he finds a letter addressed to him from the Waffle Kingdom.
Luigi: Hello, what's this?
We need your help! Princess Eclair has been kidnapped by the evil Chestnut King. Come over as quickly as you can! But before I forget you need seven Marvelous Compass pieces in order to save her.
PS. I included a Compass Piece with
PPS. You need to see which place it's pointing at, well, I'll explain it more once you get here.
PPPs. I like bacon!"
Luigi dashes out of the house and gets onto a boat destined for the Waffle Kingdom. For no reason he scans the letter again.
Luigi: Why do I feel so hungry?
When Luigi gets to the Waffle Kingdom castle he discusses the dilemma with the king.
Luigi: So, tell me more about the Marvelous Compass Pieces.
Crepe: Well the Pieces are spread throughout the kingdom, and when you collect them one Compass Piece will point to where the next is, and when you get all of them they will point to where Princess Eclair is, and just for an example right now it's pointing to Rumplebump Volcano on the Strudel Continent.
Luigi: Time to go to Rumplebump Volcano!
Luigi's stomach growls.
Luigi: Can I eat first?
Back at Frankly's house...
Frankly: ...and you need the Crystal Stars to open the Thousand-Minute Door. Did you get all of that?
Goombella: So that's what that soldier was talking about!
Frankly: Well now let's head to the Thousand-Minute Door!
They get out of the house when a Bandit suddenly runs into Mario and steals half of his coins.
Mario: Hey! Come back here, you thief!
Mario goes into the Bandit's hideout and starts beating up the Bandit with a baseball bat.
Bandit: Ouch! Okay, I'll give you all of your money back! Just stop - Ow! - hitting me.
The Bandit gives Mario all of his money
back. After that Mario, Goombella, and
Frankly jump into a warp pipe leading underground.
Mario: We're here, now what do we do, old coot?
Frankly: I'm getting to that!
Mario: No you’re not.
Frankly: Shut up!
Immediately after that three Goombas come along and see Goombella.
Goomba: Woah! You’re hot!
Spiny Goomba: Wanna go out with us?
Paragoomba: Hey babe! Why are you hanging out with those lameos when you can hang with us?
Goombella: Hey, back off, bozos!
Mario: Or I'll have to lay the smackdown on you!
All three Goombas start laughing.
Spiny Goomba: Oh yeah?! Go ahead and try!
Mario: I warned you.
Mario starts beating them up and eventually they all fly into a wall with really ig bumps on their heads.
Mario: Now let's move on.
They move on and get into a room with a black chest.
Black Chest: Get me out of here!
Mario: And why am I supposed to trust a talking black box?
Black Chest: Because I told you to.
Mario: Fine with me.
Mario walks out the room and falls off the ledge. After he falls he spots a black key. He grabs it, dashes back to the room, and opens the chest with it.
Demon: FOOLS! You will now be cursed into turning into a paper airplane whenever you want!
Mario: Uh… Oh no?
Demon: You got that right!
The demon from the black chest goes back inside the chest.
Goombella: He's got issues.
They exit the room and Mario uses his "curse" to fly to the next ledge. The next room contains the Thousand-Minute Door. Mario jumps on the pedestal and holds out the map, and a weird lightshow goes on.
Mario: Hey! Something appeared on the map!
Frankly: That must mean the next Crystal Star is over at Petal Meadows. There's a warp pipe that leads over there somewhere in here.
By the time he finishes saying that, Mario and Goombella have already left him. Now they're back at the start of the underground and Mario uses his curse to fly to the other side, then they go to another room and see a tentacle sticking out of the water.
Goombella: Hey a tentacle! Maybe we should...
Before she can finish Mario whacks the tentacle with his hammer. In response a giant Blooper rises out of the water.
Blooper: Hey, why did you hurt me?! I will have revenge!
Mario: I know how to defeat you!
He takes a bottle of tartar sauce and a frying pan out of his pocket.
Blooper: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Please don't eat me!
He jumps up and crashes into the ceiling.
Several chunks of the ceiling fall off onto the water, creating a walkway
for them to get across the water. They get across the water, jump into
the warp pipe, and...
Chapter 1: A Creaky Castle and an Idiot Dragon
Mario and Goombella arrive at Petal Meadows.
Mario: This is a very pretty meadow!
They look over and see a castle looming over the horizon.
Mario: Hey look! There's a castle over the horizon!
Goombella: And looming!
After that was discussed they saw a giant dragon fly into the castle.
Mario: Oh no! A giant dragon flew into the castle!
Stop repeating my lines!
Goombella: What was that thing anyway?
Mario: I said it was a dragon.
Goombella: Let’s go to the village and find out what it is.
Mario: Listen to me, girl! I said it's a stinkin’ dragon!
Goombella: Come on! Let's go!
They both head to the village, and when they finally get there they see a Koopa at the gate.
Koopa at the Gate: Hello there! Welcome to Petalburg! It's great to have you here because not many people live or visit here.
Mario and Goombella see a bunch of people walking around.
Mario: Looks like there's a bunch of people here to me.
Koopa at the Gate: Well I'm just going to ignore that.
Mario: Why, person with errors who doesn't see that there are a bunch of people here?
Koopa at the Gate: Just shut your trap, okay?
Mario: I'm getting a lot of people telling me this lately.
Koopa at the Gate: How many?
Mario: Well, counting you, so far that's two.
Goombella: Mr. Gate Person, what did you need to tell us anyway?
Koopa at the Gate: Well there's a dragon named Hooktail that randomly comes over and interrupts our strolling, eats us, and rips our guts out.
Mario: Ewwwwwww! That's gross!
Koopa at the Gate: I know. Many people have gone to Hooktail’s castle to try to stop the beast but anyone who goes in gets torched by Hooktail, eaten, or never finds Hooktail and ends up dying of old age and eventually the corpse rots.
Mario: That's gross but not as gross as your last statement.
Goombella: Do you know anything about a Crystal Star?
Koopa at the Gate: No. But the mayor might. He's really old so he knows a lot of stuff.
Mario: That's not very polite.
Koopa at the Gate: Just go, okay? He lives in the pink house.
Mario and Goombella find the pink house and pause on the front lawn.
Mario: That's an ugly house!
Goombella: I wonder who done the horrible paint job.
They go inside the house and find a very startled mayor.
Goombella: Uh, Mayor?
Mayor Kroop: Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Thieves! Back away, criminals, or I'll call the authorities!
Mario: We're not thieves, you old coot! We're here to ask you about the Crystal Star.
Kroop starts to reach for the phone.
Mario: We're going...
Kroop dials 9.
Goombella: To defeat...
Kroop dials 1.
Mario: ... Hooktail!
Kroop tosses the phone away.
Mayor Kroop: Why didn't you just say so?
Mario: We did.
Goombella: No we didn-
Mario shoves Goombella.
Mario: What do you know about a Crystal Star?
Mayor Kroop: Well I think Hooktail has one.
Mario: How do we get to his castle?
Mayor Kroop: Hooktail's a female.
Mario: Forget I even said that.
Goombella: So how do we get to her castle?
Mayor Kroop: Well you have to have two stone keys. Then you can get to Hooktail's Castle.
Mario and Goombella leave the house and get to the end of town to find a Koopa at another gate.
Koopa at another Gate: You cannot get past me for I am guarding the gate because a fearsome stone monster lives there.
Mario: How are you afraid of a stone monster that doesn't even attack anyone?
Koopa at another Gate: I just am.
Mario and Goombella jump over the Koopa and continue onward into a big fortress-like thingy and spot two Clefts.
Mario: Woah! Your spikes are pretty sharp!
Cleft #1: Thank you!
Cleft #2: Someone finally appreciates us!
They continue to talk while Mario picks up a Cleft and throws it at the gate, then and Mario and Co. jump through the hole that was created.
Mario: Wait. How can it be Mario and Co. if Goombella is the only one with me?
Hey! I say what I want! Deal with it!
They enter another big fortress-like thingy and spot some Bristles.
Bristle #1: You cannot attack us!
Bristle #2: If you try to hammer us we'll just extend our spikes and hurt you. And if you jump on our spikes you'll get hurt anyway.
Mario walks toward a Bristle and when it extends its spikes Mario dodges the spikes just in time and grabs one. He starts to swing him around in circles and lets go, making the Bristle careen towards the gate and make a hole which Mario and Goombella go through.
Mario: That was so easy I could cry.
Goombella: Tell me about it. Oh yeah, isn't that almost the same way you tossed Bowser a few adventures ago?
Mario: I guess so.
Mario and his pal enter the actual fortress.
Thwomp: Gahhhhhhhhh! You must have come for the stone keys!
Mario: What else do you think we're here for?
Thwomp spins around and all of a sudden the fortress looks like the place where you go to see game shows. After he stops spinning he is now wearing a bowtie.
Thwomp: In order to get the stone keys you have to finish the longest quiz in the world!
Mario: Good grief!
On the Pudding Continent...
Luigi: Land ho! Rumplebump Volcano is right ahead!
The boat stops on the island that Rumplebump Volcano is on.
Luigi: Now to find that Marvelous Compass Piece!
Luigi starts to walk around until he bumps into a Blooper.
Luigi: Who are you?
Blooey: I'm Blooey! Also known as "the white torpedo"! Now is it me or do you look familiar?
Luigi: I'm Luigi! Mario's brother! I've come here to retrieve the Marvelous Compass Pieces to rescue Princess Eclair from the evil Chestnut King!
Blooey: You’re the famous Luigi?! And you’re rescuing Princess Eclair?!
Blooey: I'll join you on your quest to save the princess!
Luigi: Okay! Now let's head to Rumplebump Volcano!
They get to the top of Rumplebump Volcano to find a giant, living statue with a red jewel on its head. Luigi and Blooey dodge its every offense.
Luigi: I think that jewel on its head is its weakness!
Blooey: Well toss me up there and I'll be able to hit that jewel!
Luigi picks up Blooey and takes a few steps backward. Luigi runs forward and is about to toss Blooey but trips on a stick. Because of this Blooey goes careening towards the lava and is baked to an orange crisp. Because of the intense heat Blooey flies out of the lava in pain and hits the red jewel on the statue's head. The statue crumbles to teeny tiny pieces. Luigi grabs the Marvelous Compass Piece and jumps back to the boat.
Luigi: We did it, Blooey! We got the Compass Piece!
Blooey: That's great. Now where's the next one?
Luigi: It's pointing to Plumpbelly Village on the Strudel Continent!
Blooey: Great. The sooner we get there the better.
Luigi: You don't like me, do you?
Back at the fortress...
Thwomp: Question 1,552- When was the Battle Of Lexington?
Thwomp: I don't know either! Next question! When do you get to get the stone keys?
Goombella: Right now!
The Thwomp ends the quiz and turns the room back to normal. After all that stuff a warp pipe rises out of the ground which Mario and Goombella jump into.
Goombella: We got underground, now all we have to do is get the stone keys.
Mario walks towards Goombella from the right side of the room with both stone keys in his hands.
Mario: I got the stone keys, can we go now?
They head towards the warp pipe until a Gold Fuzzy lands in front of them.
Gold Fuzzy: Robbers! You have stolen my treasure! You will pay!
Mario tosses the stone keys at the Gold Fuzzy and it passes out. Mario grabs the stone keys, they go through the pipe, go all the way back to Petalburg, and exit Petalburg. After all that a Koopa stops them.
Koops: Wait up!
Mario turns around.
Mario: What do you want?
Koops: I want to go with you to defeat Hooktail! So can I join you on your adventure? Please!
Mario: Of course you can join me!
Koops: Yahoo! I can go into my shell and hit things!
Goombella suddenly starts to shrink and flies into Mario's pocket!
Goombella: What's going on?! Hey, it's comfy in here!
Mario and Koops start to walk away until another Koopa stops them.
Koopie Koo: Koops?
Koops: Uh… Hey, Koopie Koo! Did you hear everything?
Koopie Koo: I thought you said you were going to defeat Hooktail. Is this true?
Koops: Yes. But don't worry, I'm with Mario! I'll be okay.
Koopie Koo: You can't go to Hooktail's Castle! You'll get killed! Come back with me.
Koops: I'm sorry. I've made my decision, I'm going with Mario to defeat Hooktail. I'm doing it to be brave for you and avenge my dad.
Koopie Koo: Fine, if that's the way you want it…
She goes into her shell and goes through Mario and Koops. She goes into another round and hits them again.
Koopie Koo: Stubborn Koopa!
Mario: That's a nice girlfriend you have there, Koops! I wonder why you don't date her more often.
Koops: Oh no! She's about to go into another round!
Mario: Let's get out of here!
Mario and Koops run away and stop at the two rock formations that Mario saw when he first got to Petal Meadows. He places the stone keys into the correct slots and two switches pop out. Koopa hits one switch by ducking into his shell and hitting it exactly when Mario hits the other one with his hammer. A warp pipe pops out they jump in and it leads them to Hooktail's Castle.
Koops: Wow, the tales are true, this place is creepy!
Mario spots some cockroaches, cobwebs, and one brick that fell out.
Mario: Looks more like it's worn out to me!
Koops: Come on! Let's find Hooktail!
They walk into the next section and Mario uses his airplane curse to fly over the lake and to the other side. Koops spots a Dry Bones with a blue shell on the ground. He runs over to it and starts crying.
Mario: What's wrong, Koops?
Koops: I think this is my dad! He's dead! Hey, he's clutching a letter in his hand! Should I read it?
Mario: Yes, I think you should.
Koops: "My son, If you are reading this letter right now I am dead. I fell for one of Hooktail's tricks and now I am just a pile of bones. Here is a hint on how to defeat Hooktail: she hates things that starts with cr and ends with icket. I hope that helps you, my son, Kolarado."
Mario: Kolarado?! This is the father to that disgrace of a Koopa?!
Koops: I guess he isn't my father after all!
They continue walking until they see a Red Bones.
Red Bones: Have you no respect for the dead?
Mario: You don't have very good grammar. And we never said we didn't have respect for the dead!
Red Bones: Attack, my minions!
A bunch of Dull Bones fall from out of nowhere but they all fall on top of Red Bones, making a big pile of bones.
Red Bones: Forget it. Take this key and go through that door right in front of me.
They do exactly what Red Bones told them to do. They use the key to unlock doors until they come to a room blocked by a cage. Mario and Koops stand right in front of the cage, Mario kicks Koops onto the switch, and Mario goes to the room that was blocked by the cage.
Black Chest: Free me from this dang chest!
Mario: I've already met one just like you and he cursed me, but I'll free you anyway.
Black Chest: Thank you!
Mario enters the next room and grabs the black key laying right in front of him and unlocks the black chest.
Demon: FOOLS! You are now cursed by turning thin in order to slide through bars whenever you want!
Mario: Uh… Eeeeeeeeeeeek?
Demon: You got that right!
The demon goes back into the black chest.
Koops: He scares me.
Mario uses his new "curse" to slide through the bars of the cage. They find a badge in another cage so they turn thin to go through the bars, get the badge, and go back out again.
Mario: So this badge changes the sound of your attack. Let's hear what it sounds like once I equip it!
He equipt the Attack FX R badge and his attack sounds like a cricket.
Mario: Woah! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Koops: Yeah! The letter says Hooktail
hates crickets and that badge made your
attacks sound just like a cricket! If you use that badge we could probably defeat Hooktail!
Mario: Let's find that ugly lizard!
They go up a green lift which takes them up another floor. They find a big gap blocking the entrance to the other side so Mario just uses his plane curse to fly across. Mario and Koops go into a door which leads into the storage room. Inside they spot a mouse with a mask on.
Mario: Hey, what are you doing here? And who are you?
Ms. Mowz: Why I'm Ms. Mowz, the greatest thief in history! I was looking for some rare badges and I've got what I wanted so I'll leave now! Oh yeah, do you have the badge to defeat Hooktail?
Ms. Mowz: Okay!
She kisses Mario on the cheek and jumps out the window.
Koops: I am so jealous!
Mario: Why did she jump out of the window? Aren't we several stories up?
Ms. Mowz: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
After that a splat sound is heard.
Mario: Let's go!
They leave the storage room, using the key to open the next door, and climb up several flights of stairs until they finally reach Hooktail's room.
Hooktail: Rooooooooaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr! Hack hack! Cough! Errrrrrrrrrr. Who goes there?
Koops: Goes where?
Hooktail: Forget it. Who are the intruders?
Mario: We are, Hooktail.
Hooktail: I'm going to uhhhhhhh... What was I going to do again?
Koops: Become our friends and let everyone live happily ever after?
Hooktail: No, that's not it.
Mario: We become your buffet and you'll become full again so you won't have to eat in awhile?
Hooktail: That's it!
Mario screams like a little girl and hits Hooktail's foot with his hammer. Because the Attack FX R badge was equipped it made the sound of a cricket.
Hooktail: What?! The sound of a cricket?! I got food poisoning from that! Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Hooktail falls on the ground with no chance of ever coming back. Something slides out of her throat and turns out to be a Koops's father.
Koops's Dad: Son?!
Koops: After ten years, you had me worried! I thought you were never coming back!
Koops's Dad: Nonsense! Here, you take this shiny star thingy I found in Hooktail's belly!
Koops's Dad gives the Crystal Star to Koops and Koops gives the Crystal Star to Mario.
Koops: I think that's a Crystal Star, so Mario, that belongs to you!
Mario holds up the Crystal Star.
End Of Chapter
Mario got his first Crystal Star! And Koops finally got a reputation for being brave! Now wjere in the world is Peach? Why isn't Bowser doing anything? Why am I asking all of these questions? If you really want to know, all of these questions will be answered. Except for the third one.
At the X-Naut Base...
Grodus: So what is the status report thingy about the Crystal Stars?
X-Naut #1: Ask Peach first.
Grodus: Okay, Peach, where is that not so ancient map?!
Peach: I don't know what you’re talking about!
Grodus: All right, X-Naut, your turn!
X-Naut #1: Well there's a fat gut with a black mustache, blue overalls, and a red hat with an "M" on it who has the map and a Crystal Star!
Peach: Oh no! Mario!
Grodus: So you do know! Take her to her room!
X-Naut#2: Okay, dude!
They take her to her room. Inside she suddenly sees the door open by itself.
Peach: What the?!
She goes through the door to the next room and the same thing happens to the other door so she goes through that one too.
TEC: Beep beep beep! I am TEC, the world's greatest computer!
Peach: Okay then. Why did you call me here?
TEC: Because I was bored.
Peach: Well what do I do now?
TEC: Well you can send an Email to someone you know.
Peach goes up to the keyboard and after she types something she sends the message to Mario.
TEC: Have a nice day!
Peach: Okay, weird artificial intelligence!
She leaves the room.
At Bowser's Castle...
Bowser: What do I have to wait for?
Koopatrol #1: Kammy, the old hag.
Bowser: I have to wait for Hag Woman to get here?!
Koopatrol #2: Yeah, you know she's real slow.
Bowser sits on his throne, still waiting for Kammy to come.
Bowser: I can't believe I have to wait for the Haginator to get here!
Kammy finally comes in and Bowser jumps off his throne.
Bowser: What is it this time, you old hag?!
Kammy: Well there's an ancient treasure called the Crystal Stars and someone other than you has kidnapped Princess Peach!
Kammy: And Mario is trying to get them all!
Bowser: Well we'll just have to get the treasure and the princess before Mario does!
Bowser goes into his Clown Copter and flies away.
Kammy: Wait up, Lord Bowser!
Kammy hops onto her broom and follows Bowser.