Petey (Petey Piranha)
H Bro (Hammer Bro)
Steel (Iron Cleft)
Skyboy (Sky Guy)
Dark Boo (Dark Boo)
Spear (Tribal Guy)
… Yup, that’s 6. FULL PARTY, WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Chapter 35: Pirates of the Keelhaul Key (Part 1)
Joshua: Last time, I beat General White, and Rocky evolved to Iron Cleft, and he is now named Steel.
Everyone is back in Rogueport.
Bobbery: So, we’re all headed for the Palace of Shadow now?
Joshua: What? I got my eight badges! Why can’t I go yet?
Cortez: Because there’s trouble. A group of rogue Plitémon trainers have become pirates, and are using their Bob-ulks (Steel/Fire) to try to destroy Keelhaul Key. I need your help.
Koops: … This is just pointless filler, isn’t it?
Author; Hey, Lemmy said I needed more between the main story stuff.
Doopliss: And yet again we break the fourth wall.
The 4th wall comes down on Joshua, who, in his rage, destroys the wall of the inn, revealing Toadsworth kissing Zess T.
Toadsworth: Great hoogly-boogly!
(DAD, I hope I got his catchphrase right)
Toadsworth: YOU SAW NOTHING!!!
Toadsworth pulls out one of those Men in Black memory modifiers, but uses it backwards and blanks his own memory.
Toadsworth: Yo, dawg… Who am I? Woah, who’s the hottie in the red mask?
Zess T: Toadletoes!
Ms. Mowz: I think I’m going to be sick.
Joshua: Ah, right there with ya!
Bobbery: Toadsworth… needs mental help.
Clawdia: He didn’t need it before?
Cortez: Now, let’s forget this all happened… and… RUN!!!
Joshua: Not fast enough! There’s only one way to get to Keelhaul Key fast enough… ON THE BACK OF A KAMIKAZE WATERMELON!!!
Everyone jumps on a Kamikaze Watermelon (even Cortez somehow) and makes for Keelhaul Key.
Zess T.: Well, if Toadsworth doesn’t know me, then I have no reason to live. ZEEKY BOOGY DOOG!!!
Zeeky H. Bomb lands in Rogueport.
Author: Oh sweet dairy queen.
Chapter 36 (?): Pirates of the Keelhaul Key (Part 2)
Joshua: Last time, we learned of a sidequest involving Cortez, some rogue trainers, and Bob-ulks. I dunno. READ THE LAST CHAPTER, LOSERS!!!
Everyone jumps off their Kamikaze Watermelons at Pirate’s Grotto.
Joshua: Thanks, Fooby!
The watermelons crash into the wall and splatter.
Joshua: … Well, there goes our ride.
Bobbery: … Peachy.
Cortez: Focus! They’re right over there! Go, Electro Blooper and Super Blooper!
Joshua: Go, Spear!
Ms. Mowz: Go, Spunia!
Koops: Go, F Fuzzy!
Bobbery: Go, Ember!
Clawdia: Go, Fire Bro!
Doopliss: Go, Black Bones!
Rogue Trainer 1: Bob-ulks! Attack them with Body Slam!
Rogue Trainers 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7: You do the same, Bob-ulk!
(It should be noted that RT1 has 2 Bob-ulks.)
Everyone: COSMIC CLASH XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!!!
Joshua attacks the author, but gets thrown into a hillbilly pit.
Joshua: YOU HEARTLESS FIEND!!!
He reappears for
Chapter 37: Pirates of the Keelhaul Key (Part 3)
Joshua: This chapter will be divided into 7 parts, not counting this one. Just to be clear. Oh, yeah, last time, the rogue trainers told their Bob-ulks to attack. Bring ‘em on.
Chapter 37A: Joshua’s Battle
Joshua: Spear, use Hurricane Spear!
RT2: Get through it!
The wind cannot blow back Bob-ulk, resulting in a hit. Bob-ulk begins to crush Spear.
Joshua: Well, if you’re that close… Electro Spear!
Bob-ulk: Blagidiblagidiblagidiblagidiblaag! End Transmission!
Joshua: … Jump in the ocean, and use Hurricane Spear!
This creates a water cyclone, which blasts Bob-ulk against the wall, pretty much drowning it. It lives, but it’s KO’d. The wall breaks due to the force of the cyclone.
Joshua: Mindless violence time!
Joshua hammers RT2 into the hillbilly pit.
Joshua: … That’s cruel, even for me… SWEET!!!
Chapter 37B: Bobbery’s Battle
RT3: You too!
The flames create a mini-explosion.
Bobbery: Use Shadow Ball!
RT3: Bomb to dodge, then Power Bomb!
Ember is heavily damaged.
Bobbery: No! Use Volcanic Fury!
A MASSIVE firestorm blasts Bob-ulk into the ocean, defeating it.
Bobbery: Ha! Die, loser!
RT3: Wah! You hurt me in here!
Bobbery: COOL! That’s the kind of hurt that never goes away!
Bobbery explodes, blasting away RT3.
Chapter 37C: Doopliss’ Battle
Doopliss: You cannot defeat me. I AM A GYM LEADER! BLACK BONES, USE BONEMERANG!!!
RT4: … Dude, chill. Bob-ulk, dodge, and use Body Slam.
Bob-ulk dodges the bone on its way out, but gets hit on the way back, stopping it from using Body Slam.
Doopliss: Now, use Bone Rapier!
Black Bones attacks Bob-ulk by using a bone like a sword.
Black Bones is engulfed in the flames, but he doesn’t appear to be hurt.
Doopliss: Yes! Use Bone Hammer!
Black Bones’s hands become hammers, and crush Bob-ulk.
RT4: MEGA BOMB!!!
Bob-ulk explodes and lands in the ocean.
Doopliss: I win.
Bob-ulk floats to the surface, belly up.
Doopliss: Told ya. Now, die!
Doopliss transforms into the Steelix from Joshua’s Interviews, and performs Iron Tail, sending RT4 far, far away.
RT4: Sailing, sailing, over the ocean blue…
Doopliss: That was dumb.
RT4 lands in the water and is devoured by Nibbles.
Chapter 37D: Koops’s Battle
Koops: (Man, my grass type won’t do well against that dual steel/fire…) Well, PP Drain!
F Fuzzy begins to drain all of Bob-ulk’s PP.
RT5: Jerk. Use Struggle.
Koops: Lightning Discharge!
Bob-ulk ploughs through the lightning, but still gets really hurt by it and attacks F Fuzzy. The recoil damage makes it drop. Koops shell shoots RT5, causing him to land in the hillbilly pit.
Koops: Shortest battle yet.
Chapter 37E: Ms. Mowz’s Battle
Ms. Mowz: Rapid Fire!
Ms. Mowz: Split!
Fry Guy splits into 4 and they begin to speed around quickly.
Ms. Mowz: All of you, use Pillar of Flames!!!
Bob-ulk, being part steel, is weak to fire, and explodes dramatically and dies.
Ms. Mowz: …
Ms. Mowz kills RT6.
Chapter 37F: Clawdia’s Battle
Clawdia has summoned her Fire Bro.
Clawdia: Fire Blast!!!
The following part has been rated 18 to the max, so we aren’t legally allowed to show it. Ever. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Chapter 37G: Cortez’s Battle
Cortez: Ink Bombs!
Both Bloopers launch explosive ink at both of RT1s Bob-ulks.
RT1: Unleash Thunderbolt!
Cortez: Electro Blooper, Thunder!
The electrical attacks collide in midair. Electro Blooper seems to be holding his own. Super Blooper uses Minion Cannon while no one’s looking on a Bob-ulk and knocks it out. Electro Blooper’s Thunder then overpowers the Thunderbolt, knocking it out.
Cortez: Now you die!
Cortez uses his
sabres to mulch RT1.
Chapter 38: RANDOMIZE!!!
Joshua: Last time, we beat up the Rogue Trainers. Yay!
Everyone meets up.
Joshua: So, they’re all dead?
Spirits of the RTs: We’re not done yet! Shady Parakoopa Ripoff POWAH! RANDOMIZE!!!
They start glowing.
Bobbery: HIT THE DECK!!!
Joshua: Ok ^_^.
He punches a hole in the deck of Cortez’s ship, which was randomly teleported there.
The spirits stop glowing.
SOTRTS: The good news is…
3 shadows appear out of nowhere, and suck up the spirits with Poltergusts.
Shadow 1: We are three of the Elite 4. CHALLENGE US IF YOU DARE!!!
Joshua: … Retards. Wait, where’s the fourth?
Shadow 2: … I don’t know.
Shadow 3: Yeah, where is Shadow 4, anyway?
Shadow 1: Silence, non-believers!
SOTRTS (from inside Poltergusts): The bad news is…
Elder Princess Shroob (from her ship up above): DESTROY!!!
Commander Shroob: &^*(%$”^&*$%!^”$*$”&^&($$^**!!! (You heard the woman! Drop TEH SHROOB-OMB!!!)
EPS: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
CS: … ^*$&%)^£&^&^^*”&%*$^£. (… Just drop it already.)
Some Intern Shroobs push some buttons and a Shroob-omb falls on Keelhaul Key.
Joshua: ^*&%!!! (And no, he’s NOT speaking in Shroob.)
Chapter 39: Finally Heading to the League
Joshua: Last time, there was nothing but randomness.
Everyone lands in Rogueport Harbor somehow.
Cortez: … Bye.
Joshua: NOW can we head to the Palace of Shadow?
Ms. Mowz checks the script.
Ms. Mowz: Yep.
Joshua: Good. We just had eight pages of almost pure filler. Time to get down and dirty.
Koops: No, 4:30 is time to get down and dirty. What time is it now?
Bobbery: … 9:06 (Laptop’s clock when I wrote this)
Joshua jumps down a nearby manhole. He lands in sewer water, but close to the Thousand-Year Door.
Clawdia: … So that’s what he meant by down and dirty.
They follow him. While walking near the Door, they see some guy getting beat up by some Goombas.
Joshua: Poor guy, weak enough to get his butt handed to him by Goombas.
The group enter
Chapter 40: Rematch with the Shadow “Siren”
Joshua: Last time, we finally headed for the Plitémon League.
Joshua registers for the League, and is told that he can only bring 3 partners in, as coaches.
Receptionist: Also, the Elite Four matches are 5-on-5, except for the Champion, who is 6-on-6.
Joshua: That’s lame, stupid, and dumb on all levels.
Receptionist: Deal with it.
Joshua: Fine. I choose Clawdia, Ms. Mowz, and Doopliss.
Bobbery: : )
Koops and Bobbery remain at the reception area. They are able to watch matches on a big screen. Joshua’s group enter the room where they fought Black Bones for the first time.
Beldam: Mwee-hee-hee, ready for Round 2?
Joshua: Naturally. One question. Why do they call you a Siren?
Beldam: … Just for that, I’m going to make you write a sequel, with my psychic powers.
Joshua: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! YOU HEARTLESS FIEND!!!
Beldam: I know. : ) Go, Frost Piranha!
Joshua: I choose Spear!
Both: XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN YET AGAIN!!!
Doopliss: That’s it!
Doopliss blows up the author’s house, somehow destroying the left wall of the room they’re in. Oh, boy, he should NOT have done that.
The author makes lightning strike him, lights him on fire, freezes him, shatters him into a billion pieces, and makes pretty flowers in the remainder of his brain.
Doopliss (somehow still alive): Ow.
Ms. Mowz: 0_0 THAT’S ALL YOU CAN SAY?!
Ms. Mowz: …
Joshua: … Anyways… Flame Lance!
Beldam: A Fire-type move. How predictable. Use Ice Vine.
Spear’s lance repeatedly collides with the vine, but neither side is willing to give in.
Joshua: I guess it’s time to switch strategies. Hurricane Spear!
Spear blows the Ice Vine back into Frost Piranha, knocking it out.
Beldam: He was tired from the jousting, I suppose. Time for… Ice Puff! Use Blizzard!
Joshua: Hurricane Spear, again!
The winds collide, but Blizzard freezes the hurricane, creating a large lump of ice in the middle of the battlefield.
Beldam: Get that obstacle out of the way with Hyper Beam.
It breaks. The shards rain down on Spear to knock him out.
Joshua: Return! And go… Dark Boo! Let’s use Shadow Ball!
Beldam: Ice Ball!
If you don’t know what happens by now, there is no way you’re a fan of this FF, in which case, leave.
Beldam: Ice Ball! Ice Ball! Ice Ball!
Dark Boo dodges all the Ice Balls.
Beldam: Final Ice Ball!
Joshua: Spectral Bomb!
Dark Boo fires a bomb of spectral energy at the ice, blowing it apart. Again, the ice rains down, but this time it hurts both of them enough to knock them out.
Beldam: I choose Glumph (Ice/Fighting).
Beldam releases a green creature that looks like a caveman with a club.
Joshua: Close-range fighting, eh? All right, time for H Bro! Let’s use Power Smash!
Beldam: The same!
Both Plitémon begin clashing their weapons. The music “Duel of the Fates” from “The Phantom Menace” begins playing.
It’s revealed that Clawdia’s phone is ringing, and playing the song.
Clawdia: … I’d better take this.
Ms. Mowz: Anyways…
Joshua: Fire Drive!
Beldam: Ice Smash!
The flaming hammer strikes the frozen club.
Ms. Mowz: They’re so evenly matched…
Doopliss: Joshua will win.
Ms. Mowz: What makes you so sure?
Doopliss: I told him that if he beats the League, he MIGHT not have to do the sequel.
Ms. Mowz: Might?
Doopliss: He’s doing it either way.
Joshua overhears, and beats up Doopliss.
Joshua: Are we going to battle or what?
Beldam: Yes. Clubarrage!
Joshua: Hammer Barrage!
Glumph throws his clubs, and H Bro throws his hammers.
Joshua: Mega Quake!
H Bro’s quake disrupts Glumph’s rhythm, and it accidentally throws a club on its own head, downing itself.
Beldam: Not bad, kid, not bad. Time for… Glurp (Ice/Poison - How come there are so few Poison types?)!
Author: Who cares?
Beldam: Dude has a point. Use your Ice Beam!
Joshua: Fire Drive!
The Ice Beam overpowers the fireball due to H Bro being tired, but he dodges it and unleashes another in midair, damaging Glurp somewhat.
Beldam: Mwee-hee-hee, Poison Gas attack!
H Bro is poisoned.
Joshua: Crud. Better end this. Hammer Barrage!
Beldam: Hit ‘em all with Ice Beam!
Glurp manages to hit about 40% of the thrown hammers, but the rest take it out. H Bro then drops from the poison.
Joshua: Go, Petey!
Beldam: Fool, you’ve forced me to bring out my best Plitémon! Go… BONECHILL (Ice/Dragon)!!!
Joshua: BUT THE AUTHOR CAN’T GET THE GAME ‘TIL FRIDAY!!!
Joshua: … I hate my life… Well, since Dragons are weak against Dragon-type moves… Use Twister!
Beldam: Ice Spike!
Bonechill launches its tooth at Petey, immediately knocking it out. The Twister still hits.
Joshua: Come on, Steel! Use your Iron Head!
Steel charges Bonechill, who, on command, uses Ice Dragonbreath, encasing Steel in a block of ice.
Beldam: Let’s thicken that ice with Ice Beam! Mwee-hee-hee!
Joshua: That laugh is really annoying, you know.
Beldam teleports through the shadows and beats up Joshua.
Joshua: Why, oh why, do you hate me so, Author?
Author: You exist.
Joshua: … Mega Kick!
Steel’s foot begins to glow, and it breaks the ice.
It then flies towards Bonechill, and hits it in the face.
Beldam: You will be punished!!! Ice Spike! Ice Spike! ICE SPIKE!!!
Bonechill launches its teeth at Steel.
Joshua: Defend with Rock Tomb!
Steel creates a rock in front of it, but Bonechill’s teeth easily break it and cause him some pain.
Joshua: Let’s finish this.
Joshua: Giga Impact!!!
Beldam: Hyper Beam!!!
Joshua: … … … DODGE IT!!!
Steel jumps out of the way of the beam milliseconds before it would’ve hit, and smashes into Bonechill at full power. Bonechill howls, and falls.
Beldam: NO! NO! NO! FREAKIN’ STINKIN’ NO!!! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!!!
Joshua smashes her with his wand.
Ms. Mowz: Where’d you get that?
Joshua: Deleted scene.
Ms. Mowz: …
Clawdia: What’d I miss? Anything good?
Joshua: I won!
Clawdia: So, no, then?
Joshua kicks Doopliss in the face.
Doopliss: What was that for?
Everyone: For existing.
They move on to Gloomtail’s room.
Shadow 2: Ready?
Joshua: Who the Underwhere are you?
Shadow 2: My name is… SAM!!!
Joshua: … Who?
Sam falls flat on his face, animé style.
Sam: Battle time!
Both: Let’s go, XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!!!
Author’s Note: I felt that I’ve done enough for this part. Next time, the final four battles, I swear. This is the 16th page. I could use some ideas for the 3rd Elite Four member’s squad. They’re going to use the Normal type. I need 5. If you have an idea, just say so in the feedback form.