Author’s Note: Ok, I underestimated the length of these battles, so I’ve had to just make this part 6 and NEXT time for sure will be the final 2 battles. Hey, this is for your benefit, I’m making sure you don’t get bored reading too much. What? No, I’m not lazy! DIE!!!!
Petey (Petey Piranha)
H Bro (Hammer Bro)
Steel (Iron Cleft)
Skyboy (Sky Guy)
Dark Boo (Dark Boo)
Spear (Tribal Guy)
Chapter 41: Aquatic Antics
Joshua: Last time, I beat Beldam. Yay!
Doopliss: … Lame.
Joshua jumps at Doopliss with the Beam Sword. Ooh, that has to hurt…
Ms. Mowz: Yes!
Sam presses a button on a remote, and the room turns into a pool with little platforms all over the place.
Joshua: Water Types?
Sam: … You’re good.
Joshua: No, I just read the author’s Email.
Joshua: Did I say that out loud?
Ms. Mowz: Aren’t you the author?
Joshua: … Oh boy.
Twilight Zone music plays.
Sam: We gonna fight, or is this just gonna be randomness forever?
Joshua: Both. Watch.
Doopliss suddenly explodes and the force destroys the wall of the room.
Joshua: See? Randomness rules our lives!
Sam: … Go, Starkiss (Water)!
Joshua: I choose Skyboy!
Both: XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!
Joshua: Curse you and all of your randomness, Author!
Ms. Mowz: You’re the author.
Joshua: … Dang me!!! Dang me to the Underwhere!!!
Author: Can do!
The author opens a hole under Joshua, thus sending him to the Underwhere.
1 trip from the Underwhere to the Overthere, and a beating of Bonechill later…
Joshua: I’m back!
Joshua: … Well, let’s battle. Skyboy! Use Bomb Toss!
Sam: Starkiss, in the water!
Starkiss dives underwater.
Joshua: Nice try. Meteor Headbutt on the surface!
Skyboy charges at the surface as fast as he can. The force of the impact knocks Starkiss out of the water.
Joshua: Dodge, and Bomb Toss!
Skyboy fails to dodge the Attract, but manages to hit Starkiss.
Joshua: Good, come back! Now, go, Spear!
Clawdia: Smart. He’s having Skyboy retreat so that Attract won’t affect him and he can save him for later.
Joshua: Yup. Use Hurricane Spear underwater!
The resulting water cyclone hammers Starkiss into the ceiling and KOs it. Spear jumps out of the water.
Sam: That was pretty clever. Come back, Starkiss. Now go, Porcupuffer!
Joshua: Come back, Spear! Go, Skyboy!
Skyboy comes out, cured of his infatuation.
Sam: Toxic Spikes!
Porcupuffer shoots poisonous spikes around Skyboy.
Joshua: *sigh* Bomb Toss.
The bomb blows the spikes away.
Sam: Clever. Now, PP, use Toxic!
Skyboy gets poisoned.
Joshua: Better end this one fast. Meteor Headbutt!
Sam: Spike Cannon!
The spikes burst Skyboy’s balloons and he falls to the pool. The surface tension knocks him out.
Joshua: Return: Let’s go, Dark Boo! Go for a Shadow Punch!
The punch knocks it back.
Sam: Ok, time for Ice Beam!
Joshua: Transparency, then Shadow Ball!
Dark Boo dodges the beam, and Shadow Ball knocks Porcupuffer into the water. It resurfaces belly up. Dark Boo begins flashing and becomes Atomic Boo.
Doopliss: But it’s only 3 PM.
Ms. Mowz: The darkness of the Palace of Shadows must have something to do with it.
Clawdia: Sounds about right.
Sam: Impressive. Go… Gooper Blooper (Water/Poison)! You’ll be no match for this! Use Sludge Spew!
Gooper spews sludge everywhere, including into the pool.
Joshua: Guess we don’t wanna fall in there. Let’s use Nightmare Lick!
Sam: Gooper, in the water!
Gooper dives in and dodges. Since it’s the Poison Type, it doesn’t get poisoned.
Joshua: Clever. He poisons the water so I can’t use it, but he can… A-Bomb, return!
Clawdia: A-Bomb? Where does he come up with this stuff…?
Joshua: Time for…
Who’s that Plitémon?
It’s… Gooper Blooper!
Joshua: Petey! Use Twister on the water!
The twister sucks up all the sludge, which Petey devours.
Petey: ROOOWAAR!!! (Yummy!)
Joshua: Anyways… Skull Bash!
Petey flies towards Gooper like a missile.
Sam: Iron Tentacle!
Gooper’s tentacle lashes out like a whip. Petey hits Gooper’s body, but the tentacle swings round and hits him in the back.
Joshua: H Bro! Whatever you do, don’t go in the water! We’ll just have to attack from far away. Use Fire Drive!
Sam: Hydro Pump.
The Hydro Pump simply repels the fireball and H Bro crashes into the water.
Joshua: No! Spin Smash!
H Bro’s spinning makes him hit Nibbles, and it retreats long enough for him to get out of the water.
Joshua: That was too close.
Sam: Time to finish this. Nibbles, use Crunch!
Nibbles leaps out of the water at H Bro.
Joshua: PREPARE TO BE OWNED, FOO! Power Smash!
H Bro bats Nibbles into the wall, knocking it out.
Doopliss: Home run!
Clawdia attacks Doopliss, because he exists.
Joshua: Does Grass Land’s team need him or what?
H Bro flexes.
Sam: Time for my ultimate weapon. GO, MY ULTIMATE PWNER!!! BOSS… BASS!!!!
The author strikes Sam with lightning, cuz he doesn’t like people who say “pwn”.
Joshua: As much as I hate that guy, I have to agree with him on this.
Sam: Hydro Pump.
The already weakened H Bro just can’t take a second Hydro Pump, and falls.
Joshua: That leaves me with A-Bomb! Go!
Boss Bass repeatedly jumps out of the water and swims around.
Sam: Energetic, isn’t he?
Joshua: Quite, but I can still win. A-Bomb, Shadow Ball!
Sam: Dodge it!
Joshua: As predicted.
The Shadow Ball misses and blows a hole in the pool, causing the water to drain out of it. Boss Bass is left floundering on the floor.
Joshua: NIGHTMARE LICK!!!
Boss Bass falls down the hole created by the Shadow Ball and faints.
Sam: … Well, I guess you won. Congratulations, get ready for your third battle. Of course, it’ll be your toughest so far.
Sam: Your strategy was great, by the
way. I didn’t see it coming, although, I probably should have… Ah well.
Live and learn.
Chapter 42: The Law of the Normal
The team is on top of the Tower of Eight Puzzles (that’s what I call it).
Joshua: Where the Underwhere is Elite Four number three?!
Clawdia: Right here.
Joshua: Whubba? Pass the peas just like we used to?
Clawdia: … Yeah… I’m the third member of the Elite Four.
Joshua: Then… PREPARE FOR BATTLE!!! XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!!!
Clawdia: GONG YEE TEM PAI! Go, White Clubba (Normal/Fighting)!
Ms. Mowz: Do you think she’ll use Fire Bro?
Doopliss: Who knows?
Clawdia: I use the Normal Type in Elite Four battles.
Joshua: … Anyways… Go, Skyboy!
Ms. Mowz: Smart, he’s attacking W. Clubba’s other type, so he can save H Bro, just in case.
Doopliss: It’s not as simple as that. Clawdia’s been travelling with us; she’ll know Joshua’s strategies by now. Not to mention that she’s an Elite Four member, so she’ll have some great strategies of her own.
Ms. Mowz: So, in your opinion, he’s done for?
A Holy Hand Grenade explodes under Doopliss’ feet, causing him to fall through the tower and into a pit of Nibbles.
Doopliss: WHY DO YOU ALL HATE ME SO?!
Joshua: Shut up Yu- I mean Doopliss.
Shady Parakoopa: … Oh come on, this FF too?
Joshua: SILENCE, NON-BELIEVER!
Rabbids maul Shady Parakoopa.
Clawdia: O…k… Yeah… Let’s use Power Smash to start.
Joshua: Huh? Oh, right, the match. Up and Away, Skyboy!
Skyboy dodges the club, then picks up W. Clubba to try to drop it from a great height, but it’s too heavy and only falls about 6 feet. W. Clubba takes a teeny bit of damage.
Clawdia: Come now, you’ll need to do better than that, my friend. Multi-Club!
Joshua: Bomb Toss!
W. Clubba manages to bat all but one of the bombs away.
Clawdia: That’s a little more like it. Care for a joust? Mega Smash!
Joshua: Bring it on! Meteor Headbutt!
Author’s Note 2: Btw, the inspiration for this attack was Paratroopa’s defensive power shot in Mario Power Tennis.
Joshua, Clawdia, W. Clubba, and Skyboy: YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
*Insert huge explosion noise here*
Ms. Mowz: … How cheap has our SFX budget become, anyway?
Author: Hey, I just had to axe the really cool ending where I come down on the back of a phoenix and save you all from the collapsing Palace of Shadow!
Author: BACK TO WORK, SLAVES!!!
Oh yeah, W. Clubba has been KO’d. Skyboy looks unsteady, though.
Joshua: Return! Good job.
Clawdia: Come on out, Smorg!
Joshua: Urgh, not another one of those things… I guess I’ll use the one, the only… Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel!!!
The Rocky 3 theme plays as he comes out of his Plitéball.
Clawdia: Are you quite finished?
Joshua: No. LET’S GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMBLLLLLEEEE!!! … Now I’m done. Use Rock Tomb!
Smorg is too big to dodge, so he just takes the hit. Shame it’s super effective.
Clawdia: This is why I wanted to battle you! I’ve never had such a challenge! Time for Miasma Claw!
Smorg grabs Steel and begins to choke the life out of it.
Joshua: Heh, I expected this. Hyper Beam, close range!
The beam causes Smorg enough pain to make it release Steel.
Joshua: Ok, Close Combat!
Clawdia: You too!
The two begin to fight up close, Steel using his feet, horns, and head, and Smorg using its Miasmas.
Doopliss (somehow still alive after all his punishment, Mama would be so proud): Epic…
Ms. Mowz: Shut up, Doopliss.
Eventually, Smorg overpowers Steel and knocks it off the tower.
Clawdia: Catch it now!
Smorg saves Steel. It’s still fainted.
Clawdia: Close one…
Joshua: Yeah… No mercy, though.
Joshua: Time for H Bro! Fire Drive!
Clawdia: Smorg Storm!
The black, smoggy things smother the fireball and proceed to attack H Bro. He is soon covered in them.
Joshua: Spin Smash!
He spins them off.
Clawdia: Hyper Beam!
The beam knocks out the Hammer Brother.
Joshua: Dang it, that’s two in a row!
Clawdia: Smorg is the defensive powerhouse of my team. It wears you down, then finishes you off.
Joshua: Yeah, but it’s gotta be getting tired too… Petey, you’re… up!
The freakish Piranha Plant prepares for battle.
Joshua: He’s not freakish! *sniff* He’s misunderstood!
He hugs him.
Joshua: Now, let’s wipe this thing out! Twister!
Clawdia: Miasma Claw!
The claw simply breaks the twister.
Clawdia: Not bad offensive strength, either.
Joshua: That may be, but it’s still being worn down bit by bit. Sludge Bomb!
The large blob of paint knocks the creature back a little.
Joshua: Now! LEAF BLADE!
Clawdia: MIASMA CLAW!
The leaf and claw lock, then Petey breaks through to deliver the knockout blow. But then he falls too.
Clawdia: It takes a lot to defeat my Smorg. Congrats. I’ll go with Mouser (Normal/Fire) now!
Joshua: Then I’ll use Skyboy again.
The sunglasses-wearing mouse and the Shy Guy who flies by using balloons prepare to battle atop the ruined tower.
Ms. Mowz: … That was lame…
Joshua: Ok, Bomb Toss!
Clawdia: You too!
The bombs, of course, collide in midair and explode.
Joshua: Ok, we battle up close. Sky Dive!
Skyboy flies down and kicks Mouser for light damage.
Clawdia: Not bad. I guess it’s time for Iron Tail!
Joshua: Bomb Toss!
The bomb explodes on Mouser’s tail for heavy damage.
Clawdia: That’s a little more like it! Now then, Mouser?
Mouser prepares to use Iron Tail again, but as it glows, the light reflects off his sunglasses and blinds Skyboy.
Joshua: Learned that little trick from Pennington?
Clawdia: No, I taught him it.
Joshua: Whatever. Let’s use Maskarang! (Ha, you thought I forgot that move, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU?!)
Skyboy launches the mask, but being blind, he can’t see his target, and misses.
Joshua: … Ok, I didn’t think. Well, return Skyboy! Go, Spear!
Clawdia: This is the third fight in a row he’s been in.
Joshua: What of it? Now, use Electro Spear!
Clawdia: Iron Tail!
Joshua: … Moron.
The two attacks collide, but the iron conducts the electricity and shocks Mouser. It falls.
Clawdia: Ah, a large mistake on my part. Well then… I choose my White Magikoopa (Normal/Psychic).
Joshua: Urgh, another dual normal type…
Come back, Spear. Go, Skyboy!
Chapter 43: Domo Arigato Mr. Robirdo
Joshua: Last time, I began my battle with Clawdia, the third member of the Elite Four. Plot twist, I know, I just hope crankymama5452 doesn’t think I’m stealing… Anyway, we’re both down to our last 2, and it’s my Skyboy vs. her W. Magikoopa.
Joshua: Time for Sky Dive!
Clawdia: Mount your broom!
W. Magikoopa does so, and flies out of range of the attack.
Joshua: If it’s a dogfight you want, it’s a dogfight you’ll get! Skyboy, pursue it!
The two begin to execute OTT aerial manoeuvres. Eventually, Skyboy is behind W. Magikoopa.
Joshua: Meteor Headbutt!
Clawdia: So that’s how you want to play it… Fine, Polygon Blast attack!
The mage blasts Skyboy in the face, stopping the attack.
Joshua: Meteor Headbutt again!
Skyboy blasts towards it, top speed again.
Clawdia: Polygon Blast!
Joshua: DODGE IT!!!
Skyboy spins, and the blast misses him by a millimeter. The spin adds extra force to the headbutt. They plummet towards the tower and there’s a large cloud of dust. Both stand up.
Joshua: Bomb Toss!
Clawdia: Polygon Blast!
Joshua: Ah, just punch it in the face.
Skyboy shrugs, not having any better ideas, and does so. W. Magikoopa blinks, and the two get into a fist fight.
W. Magikoopa: AIRBORNE JOCK!!!
The two brawl, and eventually, W. Magikoopa falls.
Clawdia: … That was pointless. But now, I’m down to my last Plitémon. Go… Birdo (Normal)!
Joshua: Yay, not a dual type!
Skyboy immediately faints from exhaustion.
Joshua: … He did well enough, he took out two of your Plitémon. Take a long rest, doctor’s orders. Now, Spear, you’re my last hope! Go!!!
Tribal Guy vs. Birdo. WHO WILL WIN?!
Clawdia: Egg Shot!
Joshua: Jump over it and use Hurricane Spear!
Spear dodges the egg, and the wind inches Birdo back. However, when Spear lands, he is immediately tackled by Birdo and almost thrown over the edge.
Joshua: Strong Birdo. But not strong enough! Electro Spear!
Clawdia: Slide Tackle!
Birdo slides into Spear and dodges the attack.
Joshua: This is bad.
Birdo begins to glow, and becomes… wait for it… wait for it… Robirdo (Normal/Steel)!!! HA! Bet you didn’t see THAT coming! Clawdia grins.
Joshua: … The author’s getting really full of himself.
Everyone (for like the 20th time in the FF): YOU’RE THE AUTHOR!!!
Joshua: Oh yeah! Spear, use Electro Spear!
Clawdia: I’m wise to that little trick now. Robirdo, Slide Tackle!
Robirdo does what it did before as a Birdo. But it does more damage since it’s evolved now.
Joshua: Ok, I’ve got one shot here… Flame Lance!
Clawdia: Egg Blast!
Spear throws his lance and Robirdo fires its egg. The lance strikes Robirdo and Spear gets hit with the egg. He falls, but gets up.
Joshua: Robirdo’s just too strong for him. And he’s already weakened from his earlier battle with Mouser… I need a miracle…
Spear glows, and evolves to Anti Guy (Normal/Dark)!
Joshua: HA! PREPARE TO BE OWNED!!! Anti Combo!
Clawdia: Uh oh. Anti Guy is the most powerful of all the Shy Guys. I’ll have my work cut out for me here… Slide Tackle!
Anti Guy punches Robirdo in the face before it can slide, and it flies back really far.
Anti Guy: 0_0
Joshua: He’s shocked at his own power. Ok, Anti Flash!
Anti Guy fires a lightning attack at Robirdo. Being made of metal, it takes lots of damage. (I can’t believe they never actually did that in Pokémon…).
Joshua: Let’s wrap this one up.
Clawdia: I’ve got one shot…
At the same time…
Joshua: Shy Rocket!
Clawdia: Egg Capsule Rocket!
Ms. Mowz: ???
Robirdo encases itself in one of its eggs and rockets towards Anti Guy, who simply jumps on a Bullet Bill and charges forward.
All 4: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Anti Guy and Robirdo both struggle to get up, but it’s Robirdo who falls, KO’d.
Joshua: You do not think that was lame.
Doopliss: I do not think that was lame.
Joshua: That was the best battle you’ve ever seen.
Doopliss: That was the best battle I’ve ever seen.
Joshua: Now go play chicken in front of the Excess Express.
Doopliss: Yes, master.
Joshua: Ah, the good old Jedi Mind Trick. It never fails.
Clawdia: Excellent battle Joshua, but the fourth Elite Four Member is more powerful than the other three of us put together.
Joshua: Oh crud.
Clawdia: I have faith in you.
Koops, Bobbery, and Doopliss randomly teleport to them.
Clawdia: I’m sorry, but this is where I leave you.
Joshua: We never liked you anyway.
The Z-Team leave the Tower of 8 Puzzles, but when they do, they are stopped where Beldam, Marilyn, and Doopliss attacked Mario.
E-Man: Ready for battle number four?
Joshua: I guess.
Both: XIAO- You know the rest.
E-Man: Go, Dragohoho (Dragon)!
Joshua: Go, Skyboy!
And so, the penultimate battle begins! Next time.