Once and For All

By Maguskoopa

Maguskoopa: Welcome, one and all, to the third stage of Once And For All! Today, we’re going to have a...

Mr. Luggs: EATING CONTEST?!

Maguskoopa: No.

Mr. Luggs: Awwwwwwww…

Maguskoopa: I know it looks confusing, so let me explain. Starting from the north end of that big jump, the racers will go counterclockwise around the track. The track itself varies in theme from place to place, which explains the colors.

Roy: Get any of that?

Biff Atlas: Not a bit.

Maguskoopa: Now, I’ll assemble your vehicles for you, since you’ve all been disqualified.

Maguskoopa places the vehicles in front of the teams. Just as review, let’s look at the different vehicles the Koopalings have…

Team Larry: V8 riding mower
Team Morton: Hovercraft
Team Wendy: Speedboat (can travel on land, but not very well)
Team Iggy: Hammobile
Team Roy: Biplane
Team Lemmy: Refrigerator on wheels with a magnetic core
Team Ludwig: Hovercycle

Maguskoopa: Ready?

All teams: YEAAAHHHHH!

Maguskoopa: Let’s go! XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN!!! (Thanks, Ryan Hodges!)

The Koopalings are transported to the track I call “Rainbow Lava Cookie Airship Valley Mountain Road”.

Maguskoopa: Okay. Everyone ready?

All teams: YEAHHHH!

Maguskoopa: Okay. One for the money. Two for the show. Three for the kingdom. Now GO GO GO!

Team Larry sets off with a head start, then Team Morton, while Teams Iggy, Roy, and Ludwig follow close behind. Teams Wendy and Lemmy lag, but aren’t too far away.

Larry: Yes! All we need to do now is keep this lead, and–

Mr. Luggs: Not on your life! CHOMP! Mmm, astroturfy!

Crayzee Dayzee: Not groovy, man, he bit a hole in the rudder!

Mr. Luggs: And a ship without a rudder is useless! I learned that from One Piece…

Larry: Does anyone notice that THIS IS A RIDING MOWER, NOT A PIRATE SHIP?!

Suddenly, Team Roy flies by.

Rawk Hawk: You should really look where you’re going! It’s Rainbow Road, you know!

Jarvis: What do you mean by– AGGHHHH! STEER!

A really sharp bend comes up in the road. Larry tries to steer the mower, but the bite Mr. Luggs took ruined the turning mechanism, so it flies off the edge. A Lakitu rescues it and repairs the steering, but it loses its place.

Morton: HahahahefellovertheedgewaitwhatsgoingonAAAUUGHHH!

Team Morton falls off the edge, too. Team Roy zooms ahead.

Roy: Boy, those morons! The best part is that since we’re in a plane, we don’t have to worry about falling off the edge!

Iron Cleft: Yeah! That rocks! But why is the scenery changing?

The rainbow ends and the track changes to a Bowser’s Castle-ish volcano level. The problem for Team Roy, though, is that there are–
WHAM!

…Hanging ledges.

Roy: You could’ve told me that sooner…

STANDINGS
1. Team Roy
2. Team Larry
3. Team Iggy
4. Team Roy
5. Team Ludwig
6. Team Wendy
7. Team Lemmy

Wendy: Catch ya later, boys! Starkiss, smiley them!

Starkiss: Yeah! :O :D :-P :> <(o o)>

Iggy: AUUUUUUUUGHHHHH! THE PAIN!

Madame Clairvoya: Was that last one Kirby?!

Starkiss causes the rest of the teams to veer off the road, while the speedboat starts catching up to Roy in the volcano part, where it surprisingly goes on lava.

Roy: Oh no! Not on my watch! Pilot to bombardier, pilot to bombardier! Bombs away!

Iron Cleft: NEEEEEEEEERR–

WHAM! Iron Cleft jumps from the biplane onto Team Wendy.

Wendy: OW!

SPUT… PUTTER… SPUTTER…

Miss Petunia: What’s going on?

Hermie III: Och, Cappain! The engineth, thee cannot take no more of thith abuthe!

Starkiss: JUMP!

KABLAM! The speedboat explodes, sending Team Wendy into the lava. Lakitu picks them up and rebuilds the speedboat, but by then, Teams Lemmy, Morton, Iggy, and Larry have passed them already.

Lemmy: HAHA! First place, here I come!

Iron Cleft: Hey! Who’s picking me– WOOOOOAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

CLANK! Iron Cleft sticks to Team Lemmy’s refrigerator because of the powerful magnet inside, but far from panicking, Lemmy uses Iron Cleft as a battering ram.

Lemmy: Take that, you moron!

Larry: AUGH! Stop trying to spike me!

WHAM!

Crayzee Dayzee: You squares have messed with the wrong flower, man! FEEL MY PSYCHEDELIC NON–VIOLENT WRATH!

Crayzee Dayzee sings and causes everyone in the surrounding five-foot radius to fall asleep except himself. Unfortunately, this also includes his team.

Crayzee Dayzee: Uh oh.

Tutankoopa: Chompus chainium!

Chain Chomp: BARK BARK!

WHAM! SPLAM! Tutankoopa summons a Chain Chomp, which knocks the two teams in front of him into the lava. Back at the entrance to the lava part…

Ludwig: AUGGHHHHH! How did we get into last place?!

Dr. Shroob: No problem. With a little…

Ludwig: Ahem.

Dr. Shroob: Okay, with a heaping amount of luck, we can get back in the lead.

Fawful: OOOOHHHHH! The buttons! The buttons of abject shininess!

Fawful presses a button labeled “Trontize”.

Ludwig: Hey! What was…

FA–SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The hovercycle blasts forward, leaving a big wall in its wake. Team Ludwig quickly works its way to fourth place.

STANDINGS
1. Team Roy
2. Team Wendy
3. Team Morton
4. Team Ludwig
5. Team Lemmy
6. Team Larry
7. Team Iggy

Tutankoopa: Oh no, I’m not getting beaten by– brrr– technology. Chompus–

Fawful: I HAVE FURY!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Tutankoopa: Woah! Maybe a shorter spell would work! Gamus Rateon!

Video Game Ratings Board: THAT GAME IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT! RATED R!

Ludwig: WHAT?! THE R RATING IS FOR MOVIES!!!

Video Game Ratings Board: Just for that, now it’s rated NC-17!

Fawful: I HAVE–

Melody: Maybe a little mood music would change your minds!

Melody pulls out a trombone and wings the slide off. The slide misses the VGRB but hits the hovercraft, which unbalances it and causes it to tip over.

Morton: Nonononononononononono–

CRASH!

Melody: Oops.

VGRB: RAHHHHHHHHHHH! NC-17!!!

Dr. Shroob: Not on my watch! Garble ray!

VNEEEEER!

VGRB: Penguin asbestos too. Alien cardboard question Bahamas.

POOF! The VGRB disappears in a puff of illogicality.

Dr. Shroob: I got the idea from spam mail.

Meanwhile, Team Roy is still in the lead, with Teams Larry and Lemmy (still asleep) starting to catch up. Teams Wendy and Morton are in the back, along with Team Iggy. In other words…

STANDINGS
1. Team Roy
2. Team Ludwig
3. Team Lemmy
4. Team Larry
5. Team Wendy
6. Team Morton
7. Team Iggy

Iggy: Time for a little concoction I mixed up!

Iggy pulls out a Mega Mushroom.

Iggy: Heh heh heh!

MUSHROOMY NOISE!

Roy: Hah! This is easy! I’ll just get Iron Cleft back, jump onto those teams, and… What’s that noise?

CRASH!

Roy: Did Maguskoopa send a T-Rex in here?

SMASH!

Rawk Hawk: And why is my RAWWWWWWWWWWWWKIN’ coffee cup shaking?

BASH! A humongous Hammobile digs a path through the mountains and knocks Team Roy’s biplane out of the sky. Lakitu picks it back up, but fortunately, the Hammobile squished everyone else, so Team Roy doesn’t lose any place except to Team Iggy.

Roy: OOOOOHHHHHHHH!

Iron Cleft: Here, use this I whipped up.

Roy: Since when were you back here?

Iron Cleft: Lakitu put me back with my team. Must be a rule.

At this point, the Hammobile shrinks and begins to go off a jump.

Iron Cleft: Now!

Iron Cleft throws a lightning bolt somehow. It hits Team Iggy, who falls out of the air.

Roy: YES!

The Hammobile reappears instantly.

Roy: WHAT?!

Iggy: Phew. It must have been the extra life I got for crushing so much stuff with that Mega Mushroom.

Roy: Oh, it looks like my chance for revenge is here! Rawk Hawk?

Rawk Hawk: Right, dude. FEEL THE FLUDD!

Rawk Hawk takes out a FLUDD and squirts it at Manta Storm.

Manta Storm: !!!

Madame Clairvoya: I foresee your defeat…

POOF! Manta Storm is destroyed completely.

Madame Clairvoya: Oh, wait, that was us.

Roy: Now, to finish you off! COOKIE CRUMBLER!!!

Iggy: Where are the–

Both teams touch down into the “Cookie” part of the racetrack, a town made of baked goods.

Roy: Well, it looks like I’m ready. CONTAIN!!!

FWASH!

Iggy: What was that?!

FLASH!

In Roy’s Sports Hall…

Culex: Interesting. Earth Crystal, Ex–

Roy: CONTAIN!

FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!

Kamek: Roy has cast a spell that encased Culex’s gems in some sort of energy fields!

BACK!

Iggy: Oh.

The camera zooms out to show that Roy has contained the front left tire of the Hammobile. The car spins around and around, smashing a bunch of cookies and causing them to crumble on the Hammobile. Roy then undoes the spell, causing Team Iggy to smash into even more cookies.

Roy: HAH! Take that!

Poink!

Roy: OWWW! Who did that?

Crowd: We love you, Pokey!

STANDINGS
1. Team Roy
2. Team Lemmy
3. Team Larry
4. Team Morton
5. Team Wendy
6. Team Ludwig
7. Team Iggy

Team Morton is following right behind Teams Lemmy and Larry, who are right behind Team Roy.

Morton: Eventhoughthecrowdissayingweloveyoupokeyithinkthatheis
ateamplayernowtakethisyoubigdumbbirdfireball!

FWOOSH!

Rawk: Not Rawkin’, man! He hit the fuel tank! We’re gonna expl–

BOOM! The biplane explodes, sending shards of flaming metal and wood onto teams Lemmy and Larry, causing THOSE vehicles to explode, causing a chain reaction that smashes half the town. Lakitu rescues all three teams, but Team Ludwig zooms ahead, right behind Team Morton.

Ludwig: Hey, Fawful, have you ever seen Cars?

Fawful: Yes.

Ludwig: Let’s pull a “Media” on ‘em.

Fawful: Ohhhh! Yesness!

Fawful pulls out a cell phone and dials a number.

Fawful: This is… um… Mustard… Bob… calling with news that is of the hot! The immensely popular Pokey is in the land of cookies!

Fawful turns the call off.

Dr. Shroob: Ooh, “Mustard Bob”. What a believable name.

Meanwhile…

Wendy: Finding that river of hot fudge was a stroke of luck!

Starkiss: Like, shya!

Wendy: AUUUUUUGHHHHH!

BOOT!

Meanwhile (again)…

Morton: Doyouthinkthisiseasybecauseithinkitseasyyesveryveryveryvery–

Pokey: Yes.

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAY! POKEY!

Suddenly, 233,123,587 news reporters fall out of the sky.

Reporter: Hi, Pokey! Why are you here?

Other Reporter: What is your drive, your passion, your nerve for the game?

Another Reporter: Is your house made of gingerbread?

Pokey: AHHHHHHH!

Tutankoopa: Well, at least that annoying one is…

Annoying Reporter: Like, hi! I’m, like, the gossip columnist for, like, the Gossip Times! Like, what’s your favorite, like, ice cream?

Pokey: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

SMACK! Starkiss flies out from nowhere and lands on the Annoying Reporter.

Starkiss: Oh my goodness! Are you, like, the gossip columnist for–

Both: The GOSSIP TIMES! EEEEEEEEEEE!

Mr. Luggs: I can’t take much more of this high-pitched episode of Bratz! Not to mention I can’t eat anything! And why are both Pokey and Flaming Shroob on Morton’s team?

Tutankoopa: Because Pokey was in a Flaming Shroob suit. Quick, get out of the way. I have a spell. Shuttus UP!

KA-ZIP!

Starkiss and Annoying Reporter: MMMMMMMMMMF!

Other Reporters: OH NO! TUTANKOOPA KNOWS THE SHUTTUS UP SPELL! RUNNNN!

The reporters run away, and Lakitu hooks Starkiss and carries her back to the speedboat. Mr. Luggs starts stuffing himself with whatever he can reach.

Tutankoopa: That was… interesting. How far did we get behind?

Pokey: Fifth.

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAY! POKEY!

Lemmy: Grrrr… Last place again?

Sir Weston: If you want, I could call my friends.

Lemmy: Okay.

Sir Weston: Sirs Northton, Southton, and Easton, come out and attack them!

Three ghosts dressed exactly like Sir Weston appear and beat up the three teams in front of Team Lemmy.

Iggy: Not today!

Iggy takes out a Poltergust and sucks up Sir Southton, zooming into fourth place.

Roy: No way! Cleft, attack!

Cleft: TOMAHAWK SLAM!

WHAM!

Iggy: Noooooo!

The Hammobile explodes.

Back with Team Wendy…

Wendy: Heh! This should be a snap! All the other teams are fighting each other, and we get the easy route through this hot fudge!

Miss Petunia: Yeah! What could possibly go wrong?

Others: AHHHHHHHHHH! WE’RE JINXED!

Suddenly, the Hammobile smashes through some walls and lands in the hot fudge river, knocking Team Wendy’s speedboat upside down.

Wendy: Well, things could be worse.

Morton’s hovercraft and Larry’s riding mower fly into the river, creating a huge wave.

Wendy: Silly me.

Wendy grabs Starkiss and uses her as a surfboard. Miss Petunia stays where she is, because she’s a ghost, and Hermie III draws into his shell, deflecting the wave.

Wendy: WOOHOO! Look at me! I’m hanging four!

Starkiss: Really nice. Now will you get off of me? You’re totally messing up my hair!

Wendy: You’re a starfish. You don’t have hair.

Starkiss: I… don’t? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY LIFE’S BEEN A LIE!!!

STANDINGS
1: Team Wendy
2: Team Ludwig
3: Team Roy
4: Team Lemmy
5:  Team Morton
6: Team Larry
7: Team Iggy

Maguskoopa: I’ll keep in touch with the placings more, I promise. See ya!

TRRRRRE! The race starts up again.

Starkiss: AHHHHHHHHH!!

Wendy: Stop squirming, you’re gonna make me fall!

SPLOOP! Wendy falls off. Back on the cookie street…

Ludwig: YES! FINALLY! We’re almost at the next stage of the race, a penultimate fantasy airship!

Dr. Shroob: What could poss– Oh, right.

Ludwig: It’s good to be in first and all, but it would be really bad if Bowser fell out of the sky onto my head.

Bowser falls out of the sky onto Ludwig’s head.

Ludwig: WHOALY ZEN!

Ludwig accidentally hits the “Trontize” button, causing the cycle to destroy the cannon leading to the next area and pitch itself off of a cliff.

Bowser: WHYYYYYyyyyyyyy…

KLUNK! Lakitu catches the cycle and drags it up to the airship, causing Bowser to fall into a nasty patch of thorny marshmallows, but by that time, the cannon has been restored… by… um… wizards… and Team Lemmy blasts itself up, passing Ludwig. Team Roy also passes Team Ludwig.

Crystal King: HAHAHA! Those fools! What kind of an idiot wouldn’t get that stupid Demented Cartoon Movie joke? I bet some moron is going to say, like, “It would be really bad if a large generic amount of cash fell out of the sky in front of me”, and Bowser’s going to– Wait a minute, did I just say that?

Bowser falls onto Crystal King’s head.

Crystal King: WHOALY ZEN!

The fridge pitches off the edge of the airship. Team Roy gets ahead.

STANDINGS

1. Team Roy
2. Team Lemmy
3. Team Ludwig
4. Team Iggy
5. Team Wendy
6. Team Larry
7. Team Morton

Roy: MWEEHEEHEE! I’m going to win this time!

Lemmy: Not so fast!

Roy: What?! How did you get up here so fast?

Crystal King: Crystal Bits. Buy yours today!

Roy: RRRRRRRGH! Time to feel my wrath! Maguskoopa got a new game! You know what that means, don’tcha?!

Lemmy: Uh oh. He’s gonna make tons of references to it. What game is–

FOOF! Fog appears around Team Lemmy.

Lemmy: AHHHHHH! I CAN’T SEE!

Team Lemmy crashes into a wall. Team Ludwig zooms ahead.

Ludwig: Snowboard Kids DS. Now eat this! STINGER ROCKET!

Roy: O_O

KABOOM!

In the hold of the PFA…

Mysterious Guy: Hmf.

Fanbase: YAAAAAAAAAAY! ^_^

Airship Captain: Uh oh.

Mysterious Guy: Hm?

Fanbase: YAAAAAAAAAY! ^_^

Airship Captain: WE’RE GONNA CRASH! SOMEBODY BLEW UP THE RUDDER!

Random Party Member: I TOLD you it was a bad idea to call this ship the “Tornado”, but did you listen? NOOOOOOOOOO!

Wendy suddenly smashes through a window.

Wendy: Um… Is the ship going to crash?

Airship Captain: Yes.

Wendy: Eat this!

Wendy stuffs a fruit into the captain’s mouth.

Airship Captain: MF MF MFF FM MF.

Mario: Mumphamumpha!

Dexter t3h funky Disco Chimp: DISCO!

Dexter’s funky disco power saves the ship.

Wendy: Ooooh-kay. Hey, it’s a steering wheel!

Wendy steers the ship so that it crashes into the next part of the race. Unfortunately…

Morton: Heywhatsgoingontheshipisgoneandwecan’tgetupthis
isbadverybadyesitisyesyesitismostdefinintely.

Tutankoopa: Great! Now we’ll never get to the finish!

Larry: AUGH! NO!

TEAMS LARRY AND MORTON ELIMINATED

Standings:

1. Team Wendy
2. Team Ludwig
3. Team Roy
4. Team Lemmy
5. Team Iggy

The track changes again. Now it’s a valley just like Yoshi Valley in MK64, but a lot more twisting.

Ludwig: WHAT?! Look at that! It’s like… it’s like…

Wendy: The San Francisco Airport.

Ludwig: Be quiet! That’s an inside joke! STINGER ROCKET!

Starkiss: ACK! STEER!

Team Wendy swerves, causing the rocket to miss them…

Ludwig: Dang!

…and crash into the track, blowing up a couple of bridges over a high canyon.

Ludwig: Oh no!

Miss Petunia: I bet we have to guess which of the tracks is safe now! But I think this one’s right!

Miss Petunia nudges the speedboat onto one track out of nine or ten. After one turn, the speedboat falls into the canyon.

Wendy: REAL SMART!

Team Wendy is rescued by Lakitu.

Lakitu: Grr… I always wanted to be an announcer. I loved being an announcer. But noooo, “Be a kart rescuer,” Dad said. “It’ll build character,” Dad said. AUGH!

Melody: Well, it looks like guessing blindly won’t work. How do we choose the right track?

Ludwig: Well, we could send Fawful out to do a recon…

Fawful: Or we could make our own. I HAVE FURY!

Fawful shoots at random boulders, causing them to make a large bridge.

Fawful: MUWAHEHE! TRONTIZE!

Rest of Team Ludwig: AUUUUGGHHHHH!

The hover cycle shoots forward across the bridge.

Starkiss: Looks like that’s our bridge! C’mon!

Wendy: Sure. But first…

Wendy takes a Bob-omb and puts it on the first boulder.

Wendy: OKAY! LET’S GO!

The speedboat goes forward. When the team gets to the halfway point on the bridge…

Roy: Here we go! I’m catching up!

Bob-omb: Wick wick wickwickwick!

BOOM!

Rawk Hawk: Not rawkin’! That Bob-omb hit our fuel tank!

Iron Cleft: Oh no.

KABLAM!!!! The biplane explodes. Lakitu swoops in to rebuild it, but it takes him a while.

Roy: AUGH! The only thing that could be worse would be if…

Team Iggy shoots ahead.

Iggy: Bye!

Roy: GAH!

Biff Atlas: Not again!

Roy: Hey… I have an idea.

Roy jumps up into the air, slamming down in his trademark move from SMB3.

Iggy: What?! I can’t move!

The boulder that the Hammobile was sitting on crashes into the canyon. By this time, the biplane is rebuilt.

Rawk Hawk: This RAWKS! Let’s catch up to the other two!

Iron Cleft: Okay! But first… YAHHHHHHHHHHH-

Madame Clairvoya: The future does not look good!

Iggy: SHRINK!!!

Iron Cleft attempts to jump on the Hammobile again, but Iggy pulls out his wand and shrinks him. He taps lightly on the car and falls off. Team Iggy drives over one of the paths. Team Lemmy finally catches up and follows the Hammobile. Back at the front…

Ludwig: YES! The last leg of the race!

Fawful: Uh oh… The blinking button of redness is of the ketchup red…

Melody: Is that what I think it mea-

The hover cycle grinds to a halt.

Dr. Shroob: Curses!

Ludwig: Don’t worry, I can fix it.

Melody: HOW?! WE’LL GET IN LAST BY THAT TIME!

Ludwig: Like this!

Ludwig kicks the cycle and it explodes.

Ludwig: Oops.

Lakitu: NO way. I’m not picking anything else up! I QUIT! I’m gonna become an announcer!

Maguskoopa: Uhhhhhhhhhhh… I guess that means Team Ludwig’s eliminated. And anyone else who falls off anything will get eliminated.

TEAM LUDWIG ELIMINATED

Current standings:

1. Team Wendy
2. Team Roy
3. Team Iggy
4. Team Lemmy

Glurp: Glurp glurp, glurp gluuuurp glurp.

Lemmy: Yeah! How DID we get in last place?

Crystal King: Well, I think Ludwig used some kind of fog on us and we crashed into a wall.

Lemmy: Oh yeah. Right. Well, no matter. Let’s kick things up a notch!

Lemmy takes out his Freeze Gun.

Lemmy: Take this!

Iggy: Yikes! MANTA SHIELD!

Manta Storm breaks a piece off of himself and flings it into the air, blocking the freeze gun’s barrel.

Lemmy: FIRE!

KA-BLAM!!! The freeze ray explodes, freezing the entire team. The fridge keeps rolling and falls off a ledge…

Duplighost: YES!

…onto a shortcut ledge, causing the block of ice to break open.

Duplighost: NO!!

Lemmy: Now’s our chance!

Team Lemmy surges ahead, passing even Team Roy.

Roy: What?! You’re not getting past us! Iron Cleft?

Roy: Uh oh. What happened to Iron Cleft?

In the bottom of the canyon…

Mini Iron Cleft: #*&$@(* Team Iggy.

Rawk Hawk: Let’s just throw RAWWWWWWWWWKIN’ stuff at them!

BOP! THUNK! BAM! BAGOONGA! SLAP!

Biff: “Bagoonga?”

While both teams are distracted, Team Iggy, engaging the turbo on the Hammobile, passes through. By this time all the teams are on the final leg of the race, a huge mountain with a DK-style cannon at the end.

Roy: OH NO! You’re NOT getting past me!

Sir Weston: Or me, ol’ chap. ICICLE SPELL!

CHUNK CHUNK CHUNK CHUNK CHUNK!

Iggy: ACK!

The Hammobile swerves around the king–sized icicles, Iggy shrinking some of them to “fun-size”.

Duplighost: YES! What could possibly go wrong?

BAM!

Madame Clairvoya: WHAT’D YOU DO THAT FOR, HUH?!

Iggy: Not a problem, we just dinged it a bit.

Duplighost: Watch and learn.

Catching up to Team Wendy, Duplighost throws a tape recorder in the speedboat’s seat.

Wendy: Huh?

Tape Recorder: What could possibly go wrong?

Wendy: OH NO!!!

The speedboat falls off the cliff leading to the final cannon.

TEAM WENDY ELIMINATED

BOOM! Team Iggy blasts out of the cannon, leading to the aerial finish line.

Roy: No! Team Iggy blasted off!

BOOM!

Crystal King: And so have we! See ya later! HA HA HA HA HA!

Roy: Uhhhh…

Time slows while Roy delivers a soliloquy.

Roy: Why must I be deprived/
Of thus splendid victory?

The one I have oppressed/
Is humiliating me.

Okay, enough of that. LET’S KICK SOME KOOPA!

Rawk Hawk: Time to show you my RAWWWWWWWKIN’ ULTIMATE MOVE! Biff, punch me.

Biff: YES! FINALLY!

BIFF! Biff punches Rawk Hawk, shooting him toward Team Lemmy. Meanwhile…

Iron Cleft: Yes! I’m back to normal! Wait…What’s happening? AUUUUGH!

Iron Cleft flies through the air, attracted by the magnetic core of Team Lemmy’s vehicle.

Lemmy: What’s happening? That loser Rawk Hawk is coming right at us!

Sir Weston: And Iron Cleft is coming from the other side!

Glurp: GLURP! (Translation: Mommy!)

CRUNCH! The fridge is flattened, sending it spiraling into the random blank terrain below. Rawk Hawk picks up Iron Cleft and hops back into the biplane.

Roy: Now for the final blow!

The biplane catches up to Team Iggy, but the finish line is but a yard away.

Iggy: Too late!

Roy: Then I’ll at least punch you out!

WOOSH!

Iggy: YES! YOU MI–

The camera zooms out to discover that Roy reached just barely farther than the Hammobile and crossed the finish line first. Fireworks shoot up that look like Roy’s head.

Roy: YES!!! I WON!!!!

A couple hours later…

Maguskoopa: Congratulations, Roy! Your team has won this stage of the race! What do you have to say?

Roy: I BEAT IGGY! WOOOO! I’m not leading in the standings, but now I’ll catch up!

Iron Cleft: I can’t believe that we won!

Rawk Hawk: I can’t believe our RAWWWWWWWKIN’ luck changed!

Biff: Aw. I was gonna say that. Oh well. I can’t believe it’s not butter!

Maguskoopa: Catch you next time on… ONCE AND FOR ALL!

STANDINGS

1. Team Roy
2. Team Iggy
3. Team Lemmy
4. Team Wendy
5. Team Ludwig
6. Team Morton
7. Team Larry

CURRENT POINT TOTALS:

Team Larry: 11 points
Team Morton: 6 points
Team Wendy:  14 points
Team Iggy:  16 points
Team Roy: 12 points
Team Lemmy: 15 points
Team Ludwig: 10 points

Read on!


 
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