Mario and Luigi are on the road to the Koopa Kingdom.
Mario: Don’t worry, Peach! We’re coming!
Just then, they come across a bean-shaped tollbooth with Fawful inside it.
Fawful: Greetingness of nice finkrats I’m doing! Were you of getting of beans of niceness for Fawful?
Luigi: We got some for you.
Mario and Luigi give Fawful all 33 of their beans.
Fawful: BEANS!
Someone: Hee, hee, hee!
Just then, Bowser Jr. steals Fawful’s beans.
Bowser Jr: These beans will make a very fine chili for dinner. Papa will be so proud of me!
Bowser Jr. runs off.
Fawful: That thief of stealyness stole the bean of Fawful! Nice men must get beans back or they’ll be in the chili of doom that is cooked by a chef who’s evil!
Mario: We’ll do it, Fawful!
Mario and Luigi chase after Bowser Jr.
Bowser Jr: Grrrr… Those dirt bags are after my beans! I’ll give them something else to eat!
Bowser Jr. begins throwing Bob-ombs at Mario and Luigi.
Mario: Those Bob-ombs are so annoying!
Mario and Luigi do their best to dodge all the Bob-ombs, and they get to Bowser Jr.
Bowser Jr: Grrrrr… I can’t believe you got to me! This is so frustrating!
Mario: All we want is the beans.
Bowser Jr: They’re my beans!
Mario: Give them back.
Bowser Jr: NEVER!
Luigi: I think he really want those beans.
Mario: Then we’re going to have to fight him.
Mario and Luigi start fighting Bowser Jr. His attacks are throwing Bob-ombs, spinning around inside his shell, and shooting fireballs.
Luigi: Let’s go try those Mystery Eggs that we found earlier.
Mario: Ok.
Bowser Jr: What are you talking about?
Mario and Luigi pulls out a Mystery Egg and uses it like a Smash Egg. They not only damage Bowser Jr, they also get a Mushroom. They do this attack again to do some more damage and get a 1-Up Mushroom.
Bowser Jr: Grrrr… I don’t know where you got those stupid eggs, but I got something worse than eggs!
Bowser Jr. throws Bob-ombs at Mario and Luigi. They hit them back at Bowser Jr. with their hammers.
Bowser Jr: Grrrr… I also don’t know where you got those fancy hammers!
Mario and Luigi use a seed shooter to lower Bowser Jr’s defense, and they also used a fuel barrel to hurt him a lot.
Bowser Jr: Grrrr… I also don’t know where you got those stupid seeds and explosion barrels! Eat this!
Bowser Jr. shoots fireballs at Mario and Luigi. One of them hits Luigi, but Mario hits his back with his hammer. Mario uses a Mushroom to heal Luigi’s damage and they use warp stars to do a lot of damage to Bowser Jr.
Bowser Jr: Grrrr… I also don’t know where you got those stupid stars!
Bowser Jr. gets in his shell and rams into Mario and Luigi. Mario uses Mushroom Drops to heal the damage and they use a Voltorb to hurt Bowser Jr. Bowser Jr. is defeated and Mario and Luigi win the battle.
Bowser Jr: Grrrr… I can’t believe that I lost to a couple of scumbags! You and your fancy weapons! Where did you get them anyway?!
Mario: All around the Nintendo Universe.
Bowser Jr: WHAT?! BUT HOW?!
Luigi: E. Gadd’s new invention helped us do that in less than a day.
Bowser Jr: Grrr… But you still can’t have these beans!
Just then, Amy (Sonic) falls on Bowser Jr.
Bowser Jr: Here… You can have the beans…
Bowser Jr. gives Mario and Luigi the beans back.
Luigi: Where did you come from?
Amy: I was taking skydiving lessons with my friends. I'd better finish them or my pet earthworm, Jim, will do all kinds of crazy things.
Mario: Ok, see you later!
Mario and Luigi leave Amy.
Amy: Ok, Tails! Put down the lift slowly!
The lift squishes Amy.
Amy: TAILS!
Tails: Sorry!
Amy: At least my earthworm isn’t doing anything crazy right now.
Just then, an earthworm in a spacesuit is seen flying around the sky in a rocket ship.
Earthworm: I AM EARTHWORM JIM!
Amy: WHY ME?!
Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi have given the beans back to Fawful.
Fawful: The beans of niceness are back with the wonderful Fawful! The gate of Fawful will open the road of victory that is paved by a guy who’s a winner!
Fawful opens the gate.
Fawful: Luck of goodness is what Fawful gives to nice men!
Mario and Luigi passes the tollbooth and go back on the road to the Koopa Kingdom. On the way, they find four Mushrooms, two Mushroom Drops, five 1-Up Mushrooms, one Refreshing Herb, and 100 coins. As Mario and Luigi continue to walk down the path, jagged, bare mountains and dead trees start to surround Mario and Luigi on both sides, the sky grows darker with gray clouds, the ground is starting to have less grass and plants, and there are countless lava pits all around.
Luigi: Looks like we finally made it to the Koopa Kingdom. I wonder why Bowser likes it here?
Mario: We can find out later! We need to save Peach!
Mario and Luigi stop at a lava pit. It has two Bowser statues near it.
Luigi: I don’t like this.
Mario: I know, Luigi. This lava pit is making it so that we…
Luigi: I was talking about the statues. They are as ugly as Bowser himself!
Mario: They look as though they are about to breath fire… What if I used Firebrand in their mouths?
Mario uses Firebrand to light the inside of the statues’ mouths. Just then, a bridge appears over the lava.
Mario: Now we can get to Bowser’s Castle!
Mario and Luigi cross the bridge and continue on their way to Bowser’s Castle. After a long hike, they finally reach Bowser’s Castle.
Peach: MARIO! LUIGI! HELP ME!
Mario: That’s Peach! She must be at the top of the castle!
Mario and Luigi approach the door leading inside. It is a big, red door with seven keyholes in it. Mario and Luigi put all seven keys into the keyholes. Just then, the keys spin around inside the keyholes and the door opens slowly.
Mario and Luigi: Let’s-a go!
Mario and Luigi enter the castle. Meanwhile, Bowser’s minions are eating at the cafeteria of the castle. Just then, Bowser enters the cafeteria.
Bowser: Hey minions! What are you doing?
Koopa: We’re eating lunch like you said.
Bowser: But I don’t remember saying that… Oh well! If I said it, it must be true. Keep up the good work!
Bowser heads back to the roof. Just then, part of the wall blows open and K. Rool comed through.
K. Rool: Listen up! I am looking for Mario and Luigi!
Koopa: You were beat by them too? We know how you feel, dude. Those guys are always beating on us. Sit down and have some-
K. Rool: SILENCE! I want you to tell me where they are!
Koopa: How could we tell you if we are-
K. Rool: Do you dare protest against King K. Rool!? I guess I better get Kracko to make you talk!
Someone: Yes, boss!
Koopa: Kracko? Who’s he?
Just then, a shadow comes over the Koopa.
Koopa: Uh oh…
Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi are inside the castle. They climb up some stairs and make it to Wendy’s room. Wendy is sitting on her bed.
Wendy: So I see that you made it up here. Now that you’re here, will you do something for me?
Mario: What is it?
Wendy: You are so sweet! Go over to the treasury and get me some jewelry.
Mario: We’ll do it!
Mario and Luigi leave Wendy’s room and go down a hallway. They end up in the cafeteria. The place is in ruins and all of the minions are hurt badly. Mario goes up to a Koopa that is lying on the floor.
Mario: What happened?
Koopa: Ugggg… There was this crocodile dude who broke in here looking for you dudes…
Luigi: I think he means K. Rool.
Koopa: But then he sent this cloud dude after us…
Mario and Luigi: Cloud?
Luigi: Do you know of any clouds, Mario?
Mario: There is Huff N’ Puff.
Koopa: No dude… It’s not Huff N’ Puff… It’s Kr…
The Koopa faints.
Luigi: Is he ok?
Mario: He’s asleep. Let’s go get that jewelry.
Mario and Luigi leave the cafeteria and enter the treasury. It has boxes of coins, gold, and gems.
Luigi: Those Koopas are really rich.
Mario: This money can be used to buy a lifetime supply of pasta!
Mario takes some gems and a magic wand.
Luigi: Mario! The Koopas will be mad if you take their treasure!
Mario: I was getting some for Wendy.
Luigi: Oh…
Mario and Luigi head back to Wendy’s room.
Wendy: It’s about time you got back! Where are the gems?
Mario gives Wendy the gems.
Wendy: Oooo… These are very pretty! I’m going to open the door to the next part of the castle for you.
Wendy pushes a button to make a door by her room open up.
Wendy: You can also have this really ugly spider that came in my room the other day.
Wendy opens up a cage that has a big, red, fuzzy spider with black, squiggly lines all over it, big teeth that made a silly smile, big, friendly eyes, and a tennis shoe on each of its eight legs.
Mario: Thanks… I guess.
Wendy: No problem!
Mario, Luigi, and the spider go through the newly opened door. They are now in a very long corridor. They keep on walking down it. Just then, the spider gets tired and sits down for a rest. Mario and Luigi keep on going.
Luigi: Mario, why do we keep on passing the spider over and over?
Mario: I think this is a trick hall that keeps us from getting anywhere.
Luigi: Maybe we need to solve some kind of puzzle.
Mario and Luigi find another door by them and they enter it. They go down a long flight of stairs and end up in the dungeon.
Kamek: Hello? Is anyone down here?
Mario goes up to Kamek’s cell.
Mario: Kamek? Is that you?
Kamek: Yes it is. You see, I made a very bad choice today and I ended up here. Can you at least let me out?
Mario: Sure.
Mario finds a red switch on the wall and hits it with his hammer. This makes Kamek’s cell open up.
Kamek: It’s about time I got out of that cell!
Luigi: Couldn't you have just used your magic to get out?
Kamek: If I did that, I would had gone out of that cell a long time ago. Now where is my wand?
Luigi: Do you mean this?
Luigi gives Kamek the magic wand.
Kamek: My wand! Thank you very much! I’ll see you in the hall upstairs.
Kamek teleports out of the room.
Iggy: I see that you have come to take back what gives Bowser happiness.
Luigi: Iggy?
Iggy: That’s right. I am Iggy. You see, because of your efforts to save the ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, I was punished by staying down here in the lonely darkness… Did anyone come to see me?! NO! No one came to comfort me in my time of need! That makes me angry! Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hoo, hoo, ho, ho!
Iggy is laughing like a maniac, breaks out of his cell, and then he hops around like Mr. Crocker (Fairly Odd Parents).
Luigi: LOOK OUT! HE’S CRAZY!
Mario: RUN FOR IT!
Mario and Luigi use the Firebrand trick to quickly escape the dungeon while Iggy is wrecking the place up. Mario and Luigi make it back to the hallway. They find the spider and Kamek waiting for them.
Kamek: I see that you were in a big hurry to get here.
Mario: It was Iggy.
Kamek: I see… The boy gets crazy when he’s angry. Pity him… Anyway, I heard that you had some trouble here. Let me help. It’s the least I can do for helping me back there.
Kamek waves his wand and the hall becomes a room with a door leading further into the castle.
Kamek: Thanks again for helping me!
Kamek leaves the room.
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Mario, Luigi, and the spider go through the door. They end up in Morton’s room. Morton is writing a speech.
Morton: Hello, hi, salutations, greetings, hey there, good afte-
Mario and Luigi: WE KNOW!
Morton: Ok, sure, yes I see, notice, spot that you want, would like, desire to rescue, save, free Princess Peach.
Mario: Of course we do.
Morton: If you want, would like, desire to move on, go ahead, advance you must, have to, should solve, answer, unravel my riddle, puzzle, challenge.
Luigi: We can do it!
Morton: Great, fantastic, wonderful! If you were a busdriver and 50 people got on the bus, then 25 people got off, then 100 people got on, then 40 got off, then 19 got on, then 34 got off, then 72 got on, then 67 got off, then 64 got on, then 102 got off, then…
Two hours later…
Morton: Then 1,945 people got on, and then 6,710 got off. What color are the busdriver’s eyes?
Mario: Blue.
Morton: Correct, right, accurate! You may move on, go ahead, advance!
Morton pushes a button and a door by his room opens up. Mario, Luigi, and the spider go through the door. After walking down a hallway, they end up in a storeroom with a Goomba in it.
Goomba: Hey! I remember you! You’re the guy who bought some of my stuff at the castle that lifted Peach’s Castle in Paper Mario! Who are your friends?
Mario: That’s my brother, Luigi, and that is some spider that Wendy gave us.
Goomba: As long as you’re here, you might as well buy some of my stuff.
Mario sells all his Refreshing Herbs for 57 coins, increased to 72 coins because of his mustache. Mario buys six Mushrooms, three Mushroom Drops, and eight 1-Up Mushrooms for 327 coins, but because of his mustache, he gets it all at 285 coins.
Goomba: Pleasure doing business with you! See you later!
Mario, Luigi, and the spider go deeper into the castle. They eventually make it to Roy’s room.
Roy: I am so very mad today!
Luigi: Why are you so mad?
Roy: I had to listen to one of Morton’s speeches, watch Barney, and I got my hand in a waffle iron! All due to the fact that I lost to you in Girly Land!
Mario: I think you mean Dream Land.
Roy: Now it’s payback time!
As Roy is about to fight Mario and Luigi, Kracko comes into the room.
Mario, Luigi, and Roy: CRACKO?!
Kracko: Grrrrr… Why do you keep calling me that!? My name is KRACKO! K-R-A-C-K-O! Now I’m going to get my revenge!
Kracko zaps Roy.
Mario: We beat you once!
Kracko: But that was a long time ago. Now that I’m with the Kremling Krew, I have something that’s going to win the battle!
Kracko pushes a button and Magnus Von Grapple appeares. It has a K on its chest.
Kracko: I'd like you to meet Krackus Von Grapple! It has a lot of cool attacks and plays this cool song.
Mario: Where did you get that?
Kracko: K. Rool got it off of a guy named Lord Crump. That guy can give away anything for a bowl of mashed potatoes. Let’s fight!
Kracko gets into KVG (short for Krackus Von Grapple).
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Mario and Luigi start fighting KVG. Its attacks are rocket fists, laser beam, and a missile cannon. Mario attacks with a jump attack that does little damage. Luigi and Mario try to use seeds, but they don’t decrease and status and do little damage.
Kracko: You got to love the durability.
KVG extends an arm out of it with a laser gun on the end of it. It fires it at Mario, but he is able to dodge it. Mario uses a hammer attack, but doesn't do much to it. Luigi triesThunderhand on it, but not too much happens.
Kracko: Am I going to have to spell it out? Krackus Von Grapple is nearly immune to all your attacks, thanks to the armor surrounding it.
KVG shoots two rocket fists at both Mario and Luigi. Luigi dodges his but Mario doesn’t. Mario heals the damage with a Mushroom, and Luigi tries Thunderhand again with no success.
Kracko: I am so annoyed right now! I said it was indestructible! All these attacks mean nothing to my robot! Eat this!
KVG goes up to Luigi, opens up its chest to reveal a cannon, and shoots a missile at Luigi. Luigi is able to deflect the missile with his hammer, but the missile gets stuck in the cannon.
Kracko: How did you do that?!
Mario: Let’s show him what happens to people that mess with the Mario Bros, Luigi!
Mario and Luigi do a warp star attack inside KVG’s chest two times and each attack is very painful to it. Just then, KVG blows up, and Mario and Luigi win the battle.
Kracko: WHAT?! HOW COULD KRACKUS VON GRAPPLE GET DESTROYED SO EASILY?!
Mario: The inside of the robot was very weak, and I also battled the same robot two times.
Kracko: I GAVE AWAY A BOWL OF MASHED POTATOES FOR A USED ROBOT?!
Luigi: We thought K. Rool gave away the mashed potatoes.
Kracko: But they were my mashed potatoes. *sniff* YOU BIG MEANIES!
Kracko floats off crying. Mario and Luigi get big sweatdrops on their heads.
Roy: Owwww… I can’t believe I lost to a cloud…
Mario, Luigi, and the spider leave Roy’s room and head down the hall that Kracko went through. When they reach the end of the hall, they find Larry blocking the way forward.
Larry: It’s amazing that you got this far. Last time I saw you, you only had five keys.
Mario: And we would like to go further. Can you please move?
Larry: Oh, let me think about that… No.
Luigi: Why did you say that?
Larry: Do you remember my plans for the Pikmin army?
Mario: We do.
Larry: Bingo. Because of that incident, I’m not going to let you finish your misadventure! Ha, ha, ha, ha… Hey, what’s that behind you?
Mario: It’s a spider. Why do you ask?
Larry: SPIDER!
Larry tries to run away, but he runs into a fuse box and gets electrocuted.
Larry: BlagidiblagidiblagidiAAG!
Larry lies down unconscious. Just then, Dixie comes into the room.
Dixie: Squitter!
The spider goes up to Dixie.
Dixie: Thank you for finding Squitter! I must give you this!
Dixie gives Mario and Luigi Double Pow badges. They double the damage the wearer gives and takes.
Dixie: Those are very rare badges I happened to get of a weirdo in a red cloak. All I had to do was give him some beans. See you later!
Dixie and Squitter leave the castle.
Mario: Let’s-a go!
Mario and Luigi go through the door Larry was blocking. They end up in Ludwig’s room.
Ludwig: Getting this far in your quest really gave your brains a workout.
Mario: Don’t worry. We’re smart enough to solve a handful of puzzles.
Ludwig: Are you smart enough for the quiz I’m going to give you?
Luigi: We can handle it. We did solve Gruntilda’s quiz.
Ludwig: Yeah, by using that book of yours.
Ludwig takes the strategy guide away from Mario and Luigi.
Mario and Luigi: THAT WAS OURS!
Ludwig: Let’s see if you can get my quiz right. Hee hee hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Question 1, how many children does Bowser has?
Mario: 7.
Ludwig: Grrr… Correct. Question 2, what is the song that usually plays during this Fun Fiction?
Mario: Mario and Luigi 2: Battle with Bowsers.
Ludwig: You got that right too. Question 3, what chapter of this Fun Fiction is it?
Mario: Chapter 8.
Ludwig: Dumb luck. Question 4, who destroyed the cafeteria?
Mario: Kracko.
Ludwig: How did you know? Question 5, what does Bowser want to do with Peach?
Mario: He wants to marry her.
Ludwig: WAAAAAAAA! YOU GOT THEM ALL RIGHT!
Luigi: I told you we were smart.
Ludwig: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!
Ludwig jumps out the window.
Luigi: Good thing we read the strategy guide before we got to Ludwig’s quiz.
Mario and Luigi go through a door at the back of Ludwig’s room. They walk down the hall and end up in an empty room. There’s a set of spiral stairs that lead up to the roof.
Mario: We’re almost there, Luigi. I can almost taste victory.
Just then, Lemmy falls from the ceiling.
Lemmy: Did you think you could get to King Dad that easily?
Mario and Luigi: LEMMY KOOPA!
Lemmy: I waited very patiently for you to come and fight me. Since I’m the last Koopa Kid you two will fight, I won’t show any mercy.
Just then, K. Rool also falls from the ceiling. He is wearing a boxing outfit.
K. Rool: Hey losers! Fear the mighty wrath of King Krusha K. Rool!
Lemmy: Okay… Why are you here?
K. Rool: I want to get my revenge on Mario and Luigi!
Lemmy: Yeah… You know, other people want revenge on them too.
K. Rool: So I should leave?
Lemmy: Tell you what, you can help me fight Mario and Luigi!
K. Rool: YEEEEH! Let’s go kick some plumber!
Mario and Luigi: Mamamia…
Mario and Luigi engage K. Rool and Lemmy. K. Rool can do a shockwave attack and can throw his gloves like boomerangs. Lemmy can throw red and green balls and shoot fireballs. Mario uses his hammer to knock away Lemmy’s ball.
Lemmy: WAAAAAA! MY BALL!
Lemmy runs after his ball. Mario and Luigi use a barrel to hurt K. Rool a bit. K. Rool does a shockwave attack that Mario and Luigi jump over. Then he throws a boxing glove at Luigi. Luigi is able to knock it back and it hits K. Rool. It not only does damage, it also knocks the crown off his head. Mario and Luigi jump on K. Rool’s head to do a lot of damage. K. Rool does another shockwave attack that hurts Mario and knocks out Luigi. He then picks up his crown. Mario uses a 1-Up Mushroom to revive Luigi. Mario and Luigi do a warp star attack to hurt K. Rool some more. K. Rool does a shockwave attack that does no damage and a boomerang fist to knockout Mario. Lemmy returns to the battle. Luigi uses a 1-Up Mushroom to revive Mario. Mario and Luigi used seeds to hurt K. Rool and Lemmy. K. Rool’s defense and speed are down but Lemmy doesn’t lose any status points. Lemmy throws some red and green balls at Mario and Luigi. Mario is able to knock away all the red balls, and Luigi is able to knock away all the green balls. K. Rool uses the same attack pattern again. Mario and Luigi are able to dodge the shockwaves and knock off the crown on his head with his boxing fist. Mario and Luigi jump on K. Rool’s head and they defeat him.
K. Rool: NOOOOOO! I LOST AGAIN! YOU BEAT ME IN ALL FOUR OF MY FORMS! I’M OUT OF HERE!
K. Rool escapes the castle and flies away on the Flying Krock.
Lemmy: Grrr… You may have defeated K. Rool, but you can’t beat me!
The battle continues. Mario and Luigi do a mystery egg attack two times to do some damage to Lemmy and get a Mushroom and a 1-Up Mushroom. Lemmy shoots some balls of fire at Mario and Luigi. They are able to deflect them back to Lemmy to cause him pain. Mario and Luigi use the Voltorb and a fuel barrel to hurt Lemmy a lot. Lemmy throws some balls at Mario and Luigi again. Mario gets hit by three balls and Luigi gets hit by one ball. Mario uses a Mushroom Drop to heal the damage and they use a warp star attack to hurt Lemmy.
Lemmy: ACK! I’M DEFEATED!
Just then, a Bob-omb comes up to Mario and Luigi and blew up. Mario and Luigi get knocked out. Mario and Luigi lose the battle.
Lemmy: HA! Got ya! Did you think you could win the battle?! That’s so stupid! I told you I showed no mercy! Now it’s time to end your silly misadventure!
Lemmy pulls out his Freeze Gun.
Lemmy: SAY FREEZE!
Just then, Bowser squishes Lemmy.
Lemmy: Owww…
Mario and Luigi wake up.
Mario: Uh oh…
Bowser: Hey ya, Slick! How’s it going?
Luigi: Bowser?
Bowser transforms into Doopliss.
Mario: Hello Doopliss. Why are you here?
Doopliss: You see, E-Man sent me to help you guys on your quest! I first helped you two by getting rid of the army that was guarding the castle.
Luigi: There was an army?
Doopliss: You bet there was! If I wasn’t here, Lemmy would had made Slick- and Greeny-cicles out of you.
Mario: Thank you! Let’s-a go!
Mario and Luigi climb the stairs.
Doopliss: Good luck toppling Fatso and saving Pinky!
Mario and Luigi are climbing the spiral stairs. They keep on walking until they reach the top of the stairs. At the top, they find some ? Blocks and a big, red door. Inside the blocks, they find six Mushrooms, four Mushroom Drops, and five 1-Up Mushrooms.
Mario and Luigi: Let-a go!
The big, red door slowly opens, and Mario and Luigi walk through it.