Part One: Mushroom Kingdom and Stardust Fields
In Peach's Castle, Toads are playing trumpets to celebrate the arrival of the Beanbean ambassador.
Toad #1: How much longer do we have to play these trumpets? We've been playing these for ten hours straight!
Toad #2: Beats me.
Toadsworth: She's coming! She's coming!
Lady Lima walks in with Pea.
Lady Lima: To improve the tie with our kingdoms, we present you with a...
Peach: A present! Get your dirty paws off my present, vermin! It's mine! All mine!
Peach greedily swipes the present from Pea and opens it.
Peach: There's nothing in here! I was lied to!
Pea: That's not supposed to happen!
A jack-in-the-box comes out and sprays Peach with gas.
Lady Lima: Eyahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!
Lady Lima transforms into the evil witch Cackletta while Pea transforms into Fawful, Cackletta's evil pupil!
Fawful: We shall leave with speediness!
They uh... leave with speediness.
Toad: Oh no! I've gotta warn Mario and Luigi!
Toad heads towards Mario's Pad.
At Mario's Pad...
Luigi is seen drying clothes outside.
Luigi: Why am I drying clothes out here if I have a dryer?
Toad: Luigi!
Luigi: What's going on?
Toad: Princess Peach is in trouble!
Luigi: That's horrible!
Toad: We need Mario!
Toad dashes into the house and screams "MARIO!" over and over again until he crashes into the shower.
Mario: TOAD! What are you doing here?!
Toad: Oh shoot!
Toad dashes out of the shower and into a nearby wall.
Mario: I went into the shower to be clean and to be left alone! Now let me teach you a lesson!
Mario jumps on Toad's head three times.
Toad: Princess Peach...
Mario: Peach!
Mario sprints out of the house jumps into the clothesline, and drags Luigi to the castle via the rope.
Bowser: Mwahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha! I've finally got Peach!
Mario comes in and tosses Luigi at Bowser.
Bowser: Bwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Greenie! You attacked me!
Luigi: I didn't attack you!
Bowser starts chasing Luigi around the castle while Mario takes the Toad who’s blabbering about action commands and tosses him at Bowser.
Bowser: Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I've been defeated!
Mario and Luigi walk over to Peach.
Peach: #$%&&%$#$$&$&$&%$%&$O%#&$%$&!
All of the symbols fall on top of Luigi and explode.
Luigi: Mamamia! That hurt!
Toad: Mario! Mario! Mario! An evil witch stole Peach's voice and replaced it with explosives!
Mario: Is that possible?
Toad: Yes!
Mario: That was a rhetorical question.
Toad: Oh.
Bowser: Mario and Green Guy! We have to get Peach's voice back so I can kidnap her!
Luigi: Why did you just say that in front of every single Toad guard in here?
Bowser: Well... I... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Peach: @#$%&%$#@%$#@&@!$#&%@!@#@$$%##%%&&*&^%&&$$!@$$#%#$#&%$#@@#$%&!
Mario: Duck and cover!
The castle blows up, sending everyone flying to Toad Town Square.
At Toad Town Square...
Bowser: Meet me at the Koopa Kruiser, my newest invention!
Mario: Didn't you invent that before?
Bowser: Well...
Luigi: Yeah! You had the Koopa Kruiser ever since we were babies!
Bowser: Just meet me there!
Mario starts to walk around Toad Town Square until a Toad stops him.
Toad #1: I can't reach this Mushroom!
Mario grabs the Mushroom from the 2-inch-tall hedge and gives it to the Toad.
Toad #1: Thank you, Mario!
Mario continues to walk around until another Toad stops him.
Toad#2: Help me find my precious item!
Mario looks around.
Mario: I found the precious item! It's... it's... it's.... pasta!
Mario gobbles down the pasta.
Toad #2: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I was about to eat that for lunch!
The Toad chases Mario until he runs into one of Bowser's baddies.
Baddie: I can't find the Koopa Kruiser!
Luigi: I'll tell you where he went!
Baddie: Where's Bowser then?
Luigi: He went thatta way!
Baddie: Which way?
Luigi: Keep on going straight through the path.
Baddie: Okay!
The baddie keeps on going down the path until he runs straight into the Koopa Kruiser.
Bowser: Who did that?!
Baddie: I did!
Bowser scorches him with his flamebreath.
Bowser: Mario! Get on here!
Mario jumps on the Koopa Kruiser.
Toadsworth: WAIT!
Toadsworth dashes towards the Koopa Kruiser, completely unaware that he has run over Luigi.
Toadsworth: I'm going to give you... a suitcase!
Mario: Hooray. That's just what I need. A dumb suitcase.
Toadsworth: Here you go!
Toadsworth gives Mario the suitcase.
Mario: Is there anything in here?
Toadsworth: Nope!
Mario: Just as I thought.
Toadsworth jumps off of the Koopa Kruiser and lands on Luigi.
Toadsworth: Good luck on your journey, Mario!
Luigi: Get off of me!
Luigi whacks Toadsworth with Toadsworh's own cane and crawls out from under him.
Luigi: Bye!
Bowser: The Koopa Kruiser is about to takeoff.
Mario: Wait! We need Luigi!
Bowser: You want that green little wimp to come with us?
Mario: Yes!
Bowser: LUIGI! You're coming with us!
Luigi shrugs and jumps on the Koopa Kruiser.
Bowser: Now we're off to the Beanbean Kingdom!
The Koopa Kruiser takesoff.
Baddies: Wait up!
The baddies attempt to chase the Koopa Kruiser but it is too late so they get left behind.
At the Beanbean Kingdom Outskirts...
Speaker: Mario and Mr. Greenie! Please report to the deck at once!
Luigi: I wish that they would stop calling me Mr. Greenie.
Mario: I bet they'll stop eventually.
They start to explore until a baddie stops them.
Baddie: Let me see your passports!
Mario and Luigi take their passports out of their suitcase and hands them to the baddie.
Baddie: This isn't good! There's no pictures!
Mario and Luigi: Oh no!
Baddie: Don't worry! I'll take some pictures of you and put them on your passport.
Mario: Oh boy!
Baddie: Now step onto the mat.
Mario steps onto the mat.
Baddie: Say cheese!
Mario: Cheese?! Where?!
Mario starts to look around and then glares at the baddie.
Mario: YOU! You have the cheese!
Mario leaps into the air to tackle the baddie so he snaps the picture right before he gets tackled.
Baddie: It's your turn!
Luigi steps onto the mat.
Baddie: Say cheese!
Luigi: Cheese!
Mario: YOU! You have the cheese!
Mario tackles Luigi and the baddie takes the picture.
Baddie: Have a nice day!
Luigi: Too late.
They go over to a room where there's a barrel blocking their path.
Mario: Hey! This barrel is blocking our path!
What did I tell you about repeating my lines?!
Mario: Sorry.
Mario kicks the barrel, which makes it roll into the wall.
Baddie: Hey! Don't yo mess wid da king's stuff, dogg!
Luigi: What?
Baddie: Hey! Don't yo mess wid da king's stuff, dogg!
Mario: I'm sorry, we don't speak rap.
Baddie: I'll translate
dis in English for you peoples. Hey! Don't you mess with
the king's cargo,
dudes!
Luigi: It was in our way!
Baddie: You could've jumped over it!
Mario: Can we go now?
Baddie: Negatory!
They try to go around him but he sidesteps to get in their way.
Mario: That's it!
Mario stuffs the baddie in the barrel and continues to go through the Koopa Kruiser.
Baddie: Come back here!
Goomba #1: You'll never catch me!
Baddie: Get over here, wimps!
Goomba #2: That's it! You're gonna be pwned.
The Goombas attack the baddie and Mario and Luigi take the Goombas off him.
Baddie: You caught them!
Mario: We sure did!
Luigi: What are you going to do with them?
The baddie pokes both of the Goombas.
Baddie: Tag! You're it!
The Goombas start to chase the baddie.
Mario: That was a complete waste of our time.
They continue to explore until they reach a room with cargo blocking the deck.
Baddie: Oh no! Cargo is blocking the deck! How are we supposed to get there now?
Luigi spots a switch.
Luigi: What does that switch do?
Baddie: It activates the crane, which I call Mr. Pinch.
Luigi: That's a dumb name.
Mr. Pinch comes along and lifts Luigi by his pants.
Luigi: Mario! Help!
Mario: Luigi! I'll save you!
Mario follows Mr. Pinch to the deck.
Bowser: Mario! You finally got here! But where's you're brother?
Mario points to where Mr. Pinch has lifted Luigi in the air.
Bowser: That's gotta ruin his day.
Cackletta: Well, well, well! Look who's here!
Bowser: Who in the world are you?
Cackletta: I'm Cackletta, the evil witch who stole Peach's voice!
Mario: So you're Cackletta! You're uglier than I thought!
Cackletta: I'm ignoring that. Fawful! Destroy these simpletons!
Cackletta flies away.
Fawful: Hee hee hee! You fink-rats shall face the wrath of my mustard of doom!
Luigi: Why do you talk funny?
Fawful: Fools! You fink-rats dare insult the pupil of her highness?
Luigi: Pardon?
Fawful: That's it! I'm going to shoot this whole dang ship down!
Fawful shoots the whole dang ship down.
Fawful: I have fury!
At Stardust Fields...
Mario: Where are we?
Luigi: Didn't you look above you? According to the label, it says that we're in Stardust Fields.
Mario: Is it a part of the Beanbean Kingdom?
Luigi: How am I supposed to know?
Mario and Luigi shrug and go inside a nearby building.
Hammer Brother #1: Hello there! In order to cross the Mushroom Border and go into the Beanbean Kingdom, you have to a game similar to jump rope.
Mario and Luigi jump over the border and exit the building.
Hammer Brother #2: Cheaters!
Mario and Luigi continue to trek along the land until they reach some spikes.
Mario: How do we jump over those spikes?
Luigi: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh... We jump over those spikes?
Mario: Great idea, Luigi!
They jump over all of the spikes and continue to go on until they reach a cannon with Bowser in it.
Bowser: Help! Get me out of here!
Luigi: Don't worry! We'll get you out of here somehow.
Tolstar: I'll get him out.
Mario: Really?
Tolstar: Sure. If you give me 100 coins.
Mario shoves Tolstar off of the ledge.
Mario: Con artist!
Bowser: Now get me out of here!
Luigi: We'll figure out a way.
Mario gets out a match and lights the fuse.
Bowser: Mario! What are you doing?!
Bowser gets shot out of the cannon and towards... somewhere else.
Mario: So long, King Bowser!
Luigi: Well, let's continue our journey through the Beanbean Kingdom!
They go through the cave and into Hoohoo Village.