Toad's Kongtastic Journey

By E-Man

Meanwhile at the Swimming Krock, Kracko is studying the magic wand.

Kracko: Hmmm… Very interesting… It appears that this magic wand is a source of great power. If I were to tap into it…

Just then, a Kritter comes up to Kracko.

Kritter: Second in command! I got good news and bad news!

Kracko: The bad news?

Kritter: The Chomp you infected with the virus was cured by the Kong and Mushroom guy.

Kracko: So they figured out how to cure it. They must have brains after all. As for the good news?

Kritter: Not only has the Master Coconut been retrieved, we also got another magic wand.

Kracko: That’s great! Send in the blue rat.

Sonic goes over to Kracko.

Sonic: First of all, I’m a hedgehog. Second of all, here’s the coconut.

Sonic gives Kracko the Master Coconut.

Kracko: You know, for a stupid creature of Sega, you sure are good for something. By the way, you can have this for a reward.

Just then, Dr. Eggman catches Sonic in a net.


Kracko: Did I say YOU get a reward? Ha! What I meant to say was I get a reward! Seeing you get defeated by your enemy is a reward I get!

Sonic: Why you double crossing cloud!

Dr. Eggman: Ok, Sonic! Let’s go to my lab to do painful and humiliating tests on you!

Dr. Eggman takes Sonic away.

Kracko: I know I am. Thank you so much for telling me so. As for the wand?

The Kritter gives Kracko another magic wand.

Kracko: Thank you. I’ll get to work installing this gem into our little weapon.

Kritter: You’re going to use the wand for the B. C. P.?

Kracko: I meant the Master Coconut. The wands will be used for my selfish reasons.

Kritter: Ok, Second in command! We’ll get more for you!

Kracko: Very good. You may go now.

The Kritter leaves Kracko. Meanwhile, K. Rool and Bowser are walking down a hallway in the Swimming Krock.

Bowser: I’m not afraid to admit it, but you own a pretty cool organization.

K. Rool: Thanks!

Bowser: Also, that Kracko guy is a pretty sweet monster.

K. Rool: I’m glad you like him. I did create him, after all.

Bowser: You did? But I thought that NME created him.

K. Rool: Well, let me tell you something.


K. Rool is pushing a lot of buttons on a machine with a canister.

K. Rool: Almost done…

A little cloud with a blue eye appears in the canister.

K. Rool: At last! Kracko is born!

K. Rool (narrating): After my defeat from Diddy and Dixie, I came up with a plan to let the Kremling Krew have a new leader. I gave Kracko a high IQ, great leadership skills, and a whole variety of powerful attacks. The creation was a success… That is, until they came.

Just then, Bonkers and Sir Kibble enter the lab.

K. Rool: Oh my gosh! Who are you people?!

Bonkers: Bonkers and Sir Kibble steal cloud!

Sir Kibble steals the canister with Baby Kracko in it.

Baby Kracko: WAAAAAAAA!


Sir Kibble: Don’t worry. We’ll take good care of Cracko.

Sir Kibble and Bonkers leave the lab.


K. Rool (narrating): After Kracko was kidnapped, I had to use some junky robot called KAOS to fill his place. One decade later, Kracko came back.

K. Rool is standing outside. Just then, an older Kracko comes up to him.

Kracko: I came here to be part of the Kremling Krew. Everyone at NME wasn’t so nice to me.

K. Rool: Hmmmmm… (For some reason, this cloud looks familiar.) What is your name?

Kracko: My name is Kracko, but everyone at NME calls me Cracko (and I really do hate it).

K. Rool: Really?! That’s great! Come with me, I’ll give you a job as second in command!

Kracko: Why?

K. Rool: Don’t ask questions! Just do it!

Flashback Ends...

Bowser: Wow… That’s amazing! You are so smart to create such a cool monster! I wish I had him!

Klump’s Voice: *sniff* Oh Krusha… WHY?!

K. Rool: Huh?

K. Rool and Bowser enter the room that has the cell that once held E-Man. Klump is next to Krusha’s headless carcass.

K. Rool: Why are you crying?! If the other people find out about this, we would be mistaken for a gang of creampuffs!

Klump: I’m sorry, Boss… It’s just that someone killed Krusha… That guy was like a brother to me…

Bowser: Was that cell supposed to hold E-Man?

K. Rool: Wait a minute!

K. Rool looks at where Krusha’s head got bitten off.

K. Rool: Teeth marks? Only someone with a good jaw and small size could free E-Man and bite off Krusha’s head.

Bowser: What does that mean?


Meanwhile on the small island, E-Man and the Klaptrap come out of some cave.

E-Man: Thanks for getting me out of that jam! How can I ever repay you?

Klaptrap: Uhhhhh… I don’t know… Become one of your friends?

E-Man: You can do that! … By the way, I never got your name.

Klaptrap: My name? ... Well… K. Rool and the other Kremlings refer to me as Klaptrap 1098. I really don’t have a real name.

E-Man: That sure is quite a pickle… Why don’t I give you a name?

Klaptrap: Well… I was thinking of George, Pete, Terry, Sam, Dobby, Harry, Joe, maybe Erik. You got a name that’s better than all of those other names?

E-Man: Well… I was thinking of calling you Klaps, but you can call yourself any name you want.

Klaptrap: Klaps? I like it! For now on, my name is Klaps!

E-Man: Well what do you know, you like the name I gave you! I must be a naming genius!

Klaps: I guess you are, too! So what should we do now?

E-Man: Well… I really don’t know. If only Doopliss was here.

Just then, Doopliss comes up to E-Man and Klaps while riding a speed boat.

Doopliss: There you are, E-Man! I was looking all over for you! … Say, who’s the blue crocodile?

E-Man: Are you talking about him? His name’s Klaps. He’s a Klaptrap that betrayed the Kremling Krew to join us.

Doopliss: Is that so? Hey! He’s kind of like Octorock in the way that he betrayed Ganon!

E-Man: Now that I’m free, we'd better get my Star Rod back before K. Rool uses it to cause lots of chaos! Any ideas, Doopliss?

Doopliss: Hmmmmmm… Oh! I know! Why don’t we get Team Doopliss back together?

E-Man: Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Team Doopliss can do anything!

Klaps: Team Doopliss?

E-Man: Team Doopliss is a bunch of people headed by Doopliss that use their strength and power to stop anything! It consists of Doopliss, Agahnim, Téa (Yu-Gi-Oh!), Deku Scrub (Zelda), 9-Volt, Kat and Ana, Red (Spyro: A Hero’s Tail), Meta Knight, and myself.

Klaps: That’s sounds like a cool bunch! … I guess a humble Klaptrap like me wouldn’t join because I’m so weak.

Doopliss: Don’t worry about it, Sharptooth! You can join my team! After all, there are some members that may be weak, but they do have powers that pack a punch!

Klaps: Thank you so very much! … By the way, why did you call me Sharptooth?

E-Man: Doopliss gives lots of people nicknames. I guess that is what Doopliss is calling you now.

Klaps: Well… That’s nice… You know, you guys are the best people I ever met in my whole life!

E-Man: Thanks! We'd better get on our way if we need to get that Star Rod back!

E-Man and Klaps get on the boat and sail away to Hyrule.

Toad and Dixie have arrived in the Water Kingdom. They are on a long, sandy beach.

Dixie: So this is the Water Kingdom… This is some pretty fine beach. Almost as good as the beaches back on DK Island.

Toad: This is no time to relax, Dixie. We need to cross the sea so we can get to the king’s castle and release the next prisoner.

Dixie: How exactly are we going to do that?

Toad: Mario told me that on his adventure to free the Seven Kingdoms from the Koopa Kids years ago, he he crossed the sea on a canoe. I bet it’s still there.

Toad and Dixie go further down the beach. Just then, a Koopa pokes his head out of a nearby bush.

Koopa: (through a walkie-talkie) Bowser, I just found out that Toad and some monkey girl are going to use the canoe to get to the king’s castle.

Bowser’s voice on the walkie-talkie: Is that so? I’ll go tell K. Rool to send one of those Klaptraps to bite a hole in the bottom of the canoe.

Koopa: Ok, Bowser!

Toad and Dixie are at another part of the beach. A canoe is nearby them.

Dixie: Are you sure it’s a good idea to use this canoe? I believe it’s been more than a decade since Super Mario Bros. 3.

Toad: Relax, Dixie! What could possibly go wrong?

Toad and Dixie get into the canoe. Just then, a hole appears in the bottom of the canoe and water starts to spew out of it.

Dixie: Abandon ship!

Toad and Dixie get out of the canoe and watch as it slowly sinks to the bottom of the sea. Just then, a Klaptrap jumps out of the water.

Toad: What is that thing?!

Dixie: It’s a Klaptrap! I think he bit a hole in the canoe to make it sink!

Toad: Whym that wood-eating pest! Let me at him! Let me at him!

Toad is about to harm the Klaptrap.

Dixie: Toad! Don’t do that!

As soon a Toad jolts his fist in an attempt to punch it, the Klaptrap bites it.

Toad: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!

Dixie: I tried to warn ya!

Toad: I hate the Kremlings!

Dixie: Don’t worry. You’ll get used to fighting them.

Toad: How am I going to defeat something that I can’t even punch?!

Dixie: Did you try jumping on it?

Toad: O.O

Toad jumps on the Klaptrap and knocks it out.

Toad: Strange… Defeating most of the Kremlings is like defeating Bowser’s minions… But how are we supposed to cross the sea now?

Dixie: Hmmmm… Good question… Oh! I know! Why don’t we swim across it?

Toad: No way, Dixie! Toads get awfully soggy when we’re in water! Shouldn’t we just use the Turbo Skis?

Dixie: I’m not going to take that chance. If we use them to get to the castle, the Kremlings might sink it or you might crash it into something!

Toad: Oh! Give me a break, Dixie! Are you still mad about what happened?!

Dixie: Yes.

Toad: Well… You go ahead to the king’s castle. I’ll just sit this one out.

Dixie uses her hair to smack Toad into the water.

Toad: What was that for?!

Dixie: I know nothing about Bowser or his stupid minions! I need your help to tell me all about them! Also, do you want this Fun Fiction changed to Dixie’s Kongtastic Journey?!

Toad: All right! All right! Sheesh! I’m going!

Dixie jumps in the water and they dive into it.

Dixie: Wow… The underwater world here is beautiful!

Toad: Thanks! … Say… How can we breathe underwater?

Dixie: Well… Since part of this Fun Fiction is based on the Donkey Kong games, E-Man made it so that we can breathe underwater.

Toad: But how can you do that in the DK games?

Dixie: That’s a good question. It all has to do with… OH MY GOSH! WHAT’S THAT?!

Dixie is pointing to a Boss Bass.

Toad: It’s a Boss Bass! One of the deadliest creatures in the water! All you need to do is just ignore it!

Dixie: How do I ignore something the size of Chunky?!

Toad: I don’t know! … Just don’t think about it or something!

Dixie: Well… I’ll try.

Dixie is imagining herself back on DK Island with all her friends (even the Gruntling is there). They are having a beach party on one of the island’s sunniest beaches.

Dixie: Hey! It’s working!

Dixie is thinking about the party so much that she doesn;t see how she is swimming.

Toad: Dixie! You are about to swim into a Cheep Cheep!

Dixie: Huh?

Just then, Dixie bumps into a Cheep Cheep and sinks to the ocean floor. That is when the Boss Bass sees her.

Dixie: Uh oh….

The Boss Bass is now chasing Dixie.


Toad: Dang it! There’s no Fire Flowers or Super Leaves around!

Dixie: How will they help?!

Toad: A Fire Flower can give us the ability to shoot fireballs out of our hands so we can kill the Boss Bass, and a Super Leaf will give us raccoon ears and tails so we can whip the Boss Bass with the tails and fly across the sea to get to the king’s castle!

Dixie: Oh… Can you stop talking and start saving?!

Toad: Let me think about this one… Oh! Look at that!

Toad is pointing to two ? Blocks.

Toad: I bet that there will be something in there that can save us!

Dixie: Can you please hurry and do that?! I can’t swim away from this guy for long!

Toad: Right!

Toad swims over to the blocks and hits them. What he gets from them is two Frog Suits, one pink and one green.

Dixie: What are those?

Toad: These are Frog Suits. As soon as we wear them, we’ll get super jump abilities and our swimming speed will be increased!

Dixie: You expect me to wear that?! I’ll look silly and warty in that!

Toad: What do you think is worse? Swimming around in a Frog Suit or becoming fish food?

Dixie: … Give me that!

Dixie takes the pink Frog Suit and puts it on.

Dixie: (Say… This makes me look kind of cute.)

Toad puts on the green Frog Suit.

Dixie: Well, Toad, I guess you really are a frog now!

Toad: Ha, ha… Very funny…

Toad and Dixie swim away from the Boss Bass at high speed.

Boss Bass: Cripes! I was about to ask that totally hot monkey gal on a date!

Another Boss Bass: Yeah! She looks even hotter in that Frog Suit!

Boss Bass: Are you after my girl?!

The two Boss Basses get into a fight about who will get Dixie as their girlfriend. Elsewhere in the sea, Toad and Dixie are still swimming.

Dixie: How far is it to the king’s castle?

Toad: It’s not too far. All we need to do is keep swimming and…


Toad: Nice try, Dixie! Do you think I’ll fall for that prank?

Dixie: I’m not kidding, Toad! There really is something behind you!

Toad: Huh?

Toad looks the other way and finds out that there is a Lockjaw behind him.

Toad: Oh my gosh! What’s that?!

Dixie: It’s a Lockjaw, and I bet it’s hungry for Mushroom Soup!

Toad: With a little bit of rubber in it.

Dixie: Huh?

Toad: I said that because I’m wearing a Frog Suit and Frog Suits are made of rubber.

Dixie: Whatever… Just swim away from it.

Toad is trying to swim away from it, but it’s too fast.

Toad: What should I do, Dixie?! It’s too fast to keep away from it!

Dixie: Hmmmm… Oh!

Dixie swims to the ocean floor, grabs a rock, and smacks the Lockjaw on the head with it.

Toad: Thanks, Dixie!

Dixie: No problem, Toad!

Just then, a very large school of Lockjaws move over to an area near Toad and Dixie.

Dixie: Toad?

Toad: Yes, Dixie?

Dixie: Do these Frog Suits have any attacks built in them?

Toad: No, they just have super jumping power and super swimming speed.

Dixie: -.-‘  We’re doomed…

Toad: Dixie?

Dixie: Yeah?

Toad: I know how things can get worse.

Dixie: How?

Toad: That crate with the picture of a swordfish on it might have something bad in it.

Toad points to a crate with the picture of a swordfish on it.

Dixie: If that’s a bad thing, then I’m a washing machine!

Toad: What does that mean?

Dixie: I really have no idea, but I always wanted to say that!

Toad: Huh?

Dixie: Oh nothing… Give me a hand with opening this crate.

Toad: Master Hand or Crazy Hand?

Dixie: Huh?

Toad: You said that you needed a hand, so…

Dixie: I don’t mean that literally!

Toad: Oh…

Toad helps Dixie open the crate and Enguarde came out of it.

Enguarde: Hello, Dixie! It’s great to see you again!

Toad: Who is this guy, Dixie?

Dixie: His name is Enguarde. He is a French swordfish.

Toad: If he’s French, then why isn’t he speaking it then or have a French accent?

Enguarde: If I were to do that, the people who are reading this Fun Fiction would not understand me.

Toad: Oh! Now that’s a good reason!

Dixie: Enguarde, how many times am I going to have to talk to you about this one? When you speak another language on TV, video games, or Lemmy’s Land submissions, there will be subtitles or someone translating whatever you’re saying.

Enguarde: Right… How about I help you get through this school of Lockjaws?

Dixie: Sounds like a good idea, Enguarde!

Dixie and Toad get on Enguarde’s back.

Dixie: I’m going to steer the animals from now on, Toad.

Toad: Is it because I’m going to crash them all into something like I did to the Sonic Boat?

Dixie: Actually, I was going to say that I have more experience with riding animals.

Toad: Oh….

Dixie uses Enguarde’s bill to fight off the countless Lockjaws, but some of the Lockjaws manage to take a few bites out of Enguarde.

Dixie: You can do it, Enguarde! I know you can!

Enguarde focuses the energy inside him and uses it to perform a super charge attack that whipes out most of the attacking Lockjaws.

Toad: I think we are at the king’s castle now.

Toad, Dixie, and Enguarde make it to the King’s Castle. Enguarde has some cuts on him because of the Lockjaws.

Toad: We'd better see the king right away! Who knows what Bowser might have done to him?

Dixie: Don’t forget about K. Rool!

Toad and Dixie hop into the castle. They find out that the king is unharmed.

King: It’s-a me! The king of the Water Kingdom!

Dixie: Oh no! K. Rool and Bowser must have made the king Italian!

Toad: Actually, the king has always been Italian.

Dixie: Oh…. Is this guy related to Mario?

Toad: Actually, this guy is Mario’s real father.

King: Now help yourself to some pasta! There’s plenty to eat, but don’t eat too much or you’ll have to go to the bathroom.

Toad: What’s wrong with going to the bathroom?

King: Some ugly sea creature moved into my toilet. If you use it, the creature might eat you like ravioli!

Dixie: Don’t worry! We can handle it! Just show us the way!

The King takes Toad and Dixie to the bathroom. The toilet is very nasty.

Dixie: Ewwwww…

King: Sorry about that! I ate some rotten linguini the other night and forgot to clean the toilet!

Dixie: I’m not going in there!

Toad: Same goes for me! … But how will we kill the monster that is in the toilet?

Dixie: That’s a good question… Oh! Why don’t we get Enguarde to do it? He doesn’t mind smelly places.

King: I’ll get some of my Toads to do that.

After 30 minutes, the king’s Toads get Enguarde near the toilet.

Enguarde: Are you sure you want me to do this? I’m not in the best shape of my life.

Dixie: You can do it, Enguarde. There are some situations where the odds were against you, but you still pulled through.

Enguarde: Ok… I think I can do this.

Toad gives Enguarde and Dixie walkie-talkies.

Toad: Use these to tell us how it’s like down there.

Enguarde: Don’t worry! I’ll be ok!

Dixie: Good luck, Enguarde.

Enguarde jumps into the toilet.

Toad: I heard of flushing fish down the toilet, but not like this.

Dixie: Huh? Did you say something? I was just thinking about Enguarde.

Toad: Don’t worry! He’ll be ok! He said so himself!

Dixie: Let’s hope you’re right…

Meanwhile in the toilet, Enguarde is swimming through some pipes.

Dixie’s voice on the walkie-talkie: Enguarde, how’s everything?

Enguarde: I don’t see anything out of the ordinary, except for some of the king’s waste… OH MY GOSH!

DVOTW-T (Short for Dixie’s voice on the walkie-talkie): What’s wrong, Enguarde?

Enguarde: I think I found the sea creature the king was talking about.

Enguarde is in front of Barbos.

Barbos: Enguarde! I can’t believe that you came here to harass me again!

DVOTW-T: Enguarde, who’s with you?

Enguarde: It’s Barbos! I think that she’s a little bit mad about what happened to her in Pacifica!

DVOTW-T: Really? I thought it was Razor Ridge.

Enguarde: Right… Can you please get out of the king’s toilet?

Barbos: I am not going to leave the king’s toilet! … But how about this? We’re going to have a fight. If you win, I’ll leave the toilet and give you this pink Mushroom girl.

Enguarde: What if I lose?

Barbos: Then you’ll have to babysit all 13,452 of my children forever.

Enguarde: I accept your challenge!

Enguarde and Barbos: TIME TO DUEL!

DVOTW-T: Wait! Is this Yu-Gi-Oh!?

Enguarde: … Not really… But I do watch the show.

Barbos: Me too! Did you see the part where they…

Enguarde: Barbos.

Barbos: Yes?

Enguarde: This is a fight. Not a Yu-Gi-Oh! convention.

Barbos: Oh yeah... FIGHT!

Barbos sends some Mini-Barbos to her side to attack Enguarde.

Enguarde: Pulling the same trick again? I can beat you!

Barbos: Oh yeah?

The Mini-Barbos go over to Enguarde and beats Enguarde down to the bottom of the pipe.

Enguarde: OW! OW! OW!

Barbos: Ha! You’re not in the best shape of your life! Taking you down is going to be easy!

Enguarde: Give me a break, Barbos! I just had a long battle with some Lockjaws and I’m not so young anymore!

DVOTW-T: Don’t give up, Enguarde! There has to be some spirit left in you!

Enguarde: I’ll try.

Enguarde uses his bill to stab the Mini-Barbos, and manages to stab Barbos herself.


Barbos shoots some needles at Enguarde. They go deep into his flesh.

Enguarde: OW! OW! OW! OW!

Barbos: I’m happy to know that you find my needles very painful! They are also poisonous as well!

Enguarde: I… feel… weak…

Barbos: I hope that you’ll surrender. I don’t want you to feel any more pain than you already are feeling.

Enguarde: I… will…. not… SURRENDER!

With the very last bit of his strength, Enguarde charges at Barbos at a very high speed. He uses his bill to pierce a large hole in Barbos, causing her to shrivel up and die. Enguarde grabs the DK Coin and frees Toadette from her cage.

Toadette: Wow! That has to be one of the coolest battles in Lemmy’s Land!

Enguarde: Yeah... Now we'd better get out of here…

Enguarde leads Toadette out of the toilet. Back with Toad and Dixie, they are waiting for Enguarde to get out of the toilet.

Dixie: When is Enguarde going to et out of there? I’m very worried about him.

Just then, Enguarde jumps out of the toilet with Toadette and the DK Coin on his back. Enguarde has lots of cuts on his body and six needles are sticking out of his body.


Just then, Cranky comes over to Dixie and Toad.

Cranky: Well done! That long battle with that ugly sea creature took a toll on our friend, Enguarde. Off you go to the Giant Kingdom.

Dixie: But first, can we have Enguarde checked?

50 minutes later, Dr. Shroob comes over to the castle to check on Enguarde. Enguarde is lying on a hospital bed.

Toadette: So you went on a quest with Dixie Kong to save everybody?

Toad: That’s right, Toadette.

Toadette: Can I go on the adventure too?

Dixie: One girl is enough for one adventure thank you. So how is Enguarde?

Dr. Shroob: %(*^$%(*^)*&%($*$*$(()^$$@!! (I have some bad news. Because of the great damage and old age, Enguarde isn’t going to live any longer.)

Dixie: SAY WHAT?!

Toad: You can speak Shroob?

Dixie: Actually, I read subtitles.

Dr. Shroob: ^%#&^**(&*(&%^^^&^*(($$^ (I’m very sorry to say this, but it’s true. There is nothing I can do to stop his death.)

Dixie: Oh… Can I at least talk to him for the last time?

Dr. Shroob: *%^*$^*%&()())* (Of course you may do that.)

Dixie goes over to the dying swordfish.

Enguarde: Dixie… Is this that you?

Dixie: Enguarde, I’m very sorry that I had you fight Baros in poor condition.

Enguarde: That’s all right, Dixie… I was expecting to die anyway… At least I died as a hero... I just hope that everyone remembers me as that after I pass away.

Dixie: *sniff* Goodbye, Enguarde…

Enguarde: Good…bye… Dixie…

Enguarde dies.

King: Well… That was thrilling and all… Who wants grilled swordfish?

Dixie hits the king on the head with her hair.

King: Mamamia! That really did hurt!

Toad: I feel your pain about losing Enguarde. We’ll give him a proper burial tomorrow… Say, we didn’t see eye or tail of Koin! I wonder where he is?

Meanwhile, Koin is doing some fishing way out on the sea.

Koin: It’s a good thing K. Rool gave me a break! A little fishing is just what I need to get all this frustration about Toad and Dixie out of my system!

Just then, Koin catches a Boss Bass on his fishing rod.

Koin: How about that! This must be my lucky day!

The hooked Boss Bass eats Koin in one bite and jumps back into the sea.

Koin: ACK!

Back with Toad and Dixie, a DK Coin appears in Dixie’s hands.

Dixie: Huh? Where did this DK Coin come from?

Toad: I have no idea. We'd better get some sleep if we want to continue our quest.

Read on!

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