Meanwhile at the Swimming Krock, K. Rool is busy reading a newspaper.
NEWS FLASH! THE KREMLINGS STRIKE AT THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM! It was a peaceful day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario Mario (age 30) and his brother, Luigi Mario (age 29), were going to lead a tour through the Nintendo Universe with their friends. The guests happened to be Princess Peach Toadstool (age 30; for an age like that, she still looks pretty young), Toad Toad (age 11), Toadette Toad (age 14), Toadsworth Toad (age 58), Octorock (age 6; 12 in Octorock years), Doopliss (age 30), and E-Man (age 15). They were about to go through the Nintendo Portal, which was invented by Professor Elvin Gadd (age 50), when the most unpredictable thing happened. The Kremling Krew, a bunch of anthropomorphic crocodiles headed by King Kevin Rool (age 43), trashed E. Gadd's Laboratory and kidnapped him as well as Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toadsworth, Toadette, Octorock, Doopliss, and E-Man. It has been reported earlier that Toad is now going on a quest with Dixie Kong (age 9; 16 in monkey years) to save them all. We will tell you more in the next paper tomorrow. The Mushroom Kingdom News Paper Staff
K. Rool: Dang it! I knew I missed one of those pests! Because of my mistake, the twerp must be running around looking for them! ... Bowser?
Bowser walks into the room where K. Rool is.
Bowser: Do you need anything? I was in the middle of preparing Krusha and Klump for burial.
K. Rool: Huh? But I thought Krusha was the one that died.
Bowser: We just found out this morning that Klump is dead. He died of a broken heart.
K. Rool: O_O Is that even possible?
Kracko: In some ways, yes.
K. Rool jumps in fright and screams like a girl.
K. Rool: *pant, pant, pant* Oh. It's only you, Kracko. For a second there, I mistook you for something else. What was I doing again?
Kracko: You were going to ask Bowser something.
K. Rool: Oh yeah. What is the kingdom after the Water Kingdom?
Bowser: It's the Giant Kingdom. Why do you ask?
K. Rool: Just as I thought! Kracko! I need you to get the big juice I keep in the closet!
Kracko: Why do you keep big juice in a closet, and when did we get some?
K. Rool: I was going to keep it in the chemical cabinet, but it is pretty full. I got the stuff off of Ebay. You won't believe what they can have up for sale.
Kracko: Riiiight. Why do you need it anyway?
K. Rool: I need it to make an army of giant Kritters. Bowser here got himself an army of giant Goombas, giant Koopas, Sledge Bros, and giant Piranha Plants.
Kracko: I'm on it!
Kracko opens the closet that's near him. He not only finds the big juice but something else.
Kracko: Huh? What in the world is this thing?
K. Rool: That's just "Junk in the box". He's a rejected product at my toy factory. I used him in the boss battle with Tiny Kong there but he lost. He's now just a useless pile of rubbish.
Kracko: "Useless"? He doesn't look useless to me. I bet if I repaired him, we could use him to defeat Dixie and Toad.
K. Rool: (One crocodile's trash is another cloud's evil minion.)
Meanwhile at Hyrule Castle, Zelda is in her room combing her hair with Link watching her.
Zelda: Oh that Dixie Kong! I still can't get over what she did to me the other day! When I get her, I'm gonna…
Link: Easy, Zelda! This is a family website after all.
Zelda: I guess you're right, Link. Did you just break the fourth wall?!
Link: It doesn't matter. E-Man doesn't care anyway.
E-Man enters the room with Doopliss and Klaps.
Link: Speaking of which, E-Man is here right now with jis friend Doopliss.
Zelda: Hey, E-Man and Doopliss! What are you doing here?
Doopliss: We're here to get Deku Scrub and Agahnim.
Link: Are you two going on another of those Doopliss Adventures you keep talking about?
Doopliss: Not this time. E-Man's Star Rod got stolen by some fool named K. Rool. We need to get Team Doopliss back together in order to get it back.
Zelda: Is that so? I'll get Deku Scrub for you, but Agahnim is on an adventure right now. He said something about looking for an evil mask creature by the name of Majora or something.
Someone: Did someone call my name?
Deku Scrub comes into the room. (Let me tell you about Deku Scrub. After Link, not the Link in this Fun Fiction but the Link that was in Ocarina of Time, beat Majora in Majora's Mask, he played the Song of Healing to try to return the Deku Mask, Goron Mask, and Zora Mask to their true forms. He was successful in doing that. Kind of. The reason why is because instead of taking their true forms, they took the forms of what Link looked like when he wore the masks. Now they all live in Hyrule Castle, and have lived there for more than 100 years. Mask creatures live forever.)
Deku Scrub: Hello, Doopliss. Long time no see.
Doopliss: Ditto! Want to go on an adventure with us?
Deku Scrub: It beats trying to learn facts that you already now.
Klaps: So Deku Scrub is the smart guy.
E-Man: You got that right! I'm Doopliss’ assistant, and Doopliss is the leader.
Klaps: Then what is my job?
Doopliss: Uh... You get to bite things?
Klaps: Fair enough.
Zelda: Oooooo! Who's that cute, little thing?
E-Man: His name is Klaps. He betrayed K. Rool and is now on our side.
Zelda: He must be one of the most cutest things I have ever seen! This will make you even cuter!
Zelda puts a red bow on Klaps's head as if he's a girl.
E-Man: I don't think that's a good way to put that bow on him, Zelda.
Zelda puts the bow on Klaps’s neck like a bowtie.
Kalps: (I think she's the sweetest thing on Plit.)
E-Man: We’d better get going now. We must go to Diamond City, the Dragon Realms, Dreamland, and Domino City to get the other members.
E-Man, Doopliss, Klaps, and Deku Scrub leave the room.
Zelda: Now I'll be off to get rid of Dixie Kong!
Zelda grabs her Staff, a long stick of wood that is as tall as her with a small statue in the shape of the Triforce made of gold at the end of it, and leaves the room as well.
Link: Let's hope that girl doesn't do anything rash.
After having breakfast and Enguarde's funeral, Toad and Dixie get into the Turbo Skis to go to the next kingdom.
King: I wish that you could stay with me a little bit longer, but you have to get back on your trip. You have to save my two sons so we can have pasta together.
Toadette: And I’d better get back to Toad Town! See you later!
Toadette jumps into the sea and swims back to Toad Town.
Toad: We’d better get moving, too. Those prisoners won't save themselves!
Toad and Dixie start up the Turbo Skies and sail off to the Giant Kingdom. Just then, some Kritters kidnap the king.
King: Mamamia! Let me go!
Kritters: No way, man! We're going to take you to Kracko!
After three hours, Toad and Dixie make it to the Giant Kingdom.
Toad: Here we are! It took us three hours, but we finally got here.
Dixie: Maybe it wouldn't have taken so long if you didn't have to use the bathroom on the way 37 times!
Toad: Hey! I drank 14 gallons of orange juice for breakfast this morning! ... Why are you still wearing that Frog Suit? We haven’t swam in the sea since yesterday…
Dixie: I know, but it makes me look pretty cute.
Toad: Did you wear that in your sleep?!
Dixie gives Toad a blank stare.
Toad: On second thought, don't answer that. Just take it off! You're embarrassing me!
Dixie: No way!
I like it on me, and there is nothing that will make me take
Just then, a fly flies by Dixie. If you know a whole lot about frogs, you're sure to know what happens next…
Dixie: Oh my gosh! Did I just eat that fly!?
Toad: I hate to say it, but yes.
Dixie: I’d better take this off before it happens again!
Dixie takes the Frog Suit off.
Dixie: We’d better get moving. Those Kremlings must be up to something by now.
Toad and Dixie continue moving along the path. They keep on destroying the giant Goombas, giant Koopas, and giant Piranha Plants.
Dixie: All these giant bad guys don't seem to be that tough! We can get to the king's castle in no time at all!
Toad: I think you mean the prince.
Toad: The ruler of the Giant Kingdom is Prince Hugo the Huge. After his father resigned from the throne, his son took his place as the ruler.
Just then, they run into Koin again. He is very large now.
Toad: You make me very mad now, Koin! I need you to do me a big favor and buzz off!
Koin: I just love to tease you, Toad. It's just that look on your face that's so dang funny!
Toad: Wait ‘til I get you! I'm gonna…
Koin: You can't scare me, little man. I'm much bigger than you so I can do this!
Koin raises his foot in an attempt to squish Toad. Dixie hits Koin's other foot with her hair and Koins falls to the ground with a loud thud.
Dixie: As the old saying goes, the bigger they are, the harder they fall!
Dixie picks up the DK coin and she runs off with Toad. After four minutes of walking, they come across a wide pit.
Toad: This really does stink, you know!
Dixie: Tell me about it! We can't get to the castle!
Toad: Not only that, there's also some trash down there!
Dixie: >_< GROSS!
Toad: How on Plit are we are we going to cross that?! I'm too young to fall in that rubbish!
Dixie: Watch this!
Dixie jumps into the air and twirls her ponytail around like a helicopter and glides across the gap.
Toad: Aw man! That was cool! Where did you learn that?!
Dixie: Years of practice and proper hair grooming. Are you coming across or just sitting there?
Toad: Hold on for a minute! Most other people don't have hair like yours!
Toad runs off to find something to get him across the gap.
Dixie: You’d better find something quick! You never know what might hap-
Dixie is kidnapped by a Giant Kritter.
Giant Kritter: Well, well, well... Look what the zoo brought in.
Another Giant Kritter: That must be that Kong the boss keeps talking about! He said that she's going on an adventure with some Mushroom Boy and causing trouble for us!
Sledge Bro: Let's give that stinking monkey a taste of hammer power!
Giant Kritter: WAIT! I got a crueler idea, boys!
The Giant Kritter holds up a barrel with DK in red letters on it.
Another Giant Kritter: Of course! I was thinking the same thing!
Nine minutes later, Toad runs back to the gap with a Cape Feather.
Toad: I got a Cape Feather, Dixie! With it I can… Dixie? Where are you? ... It looks like I need to find her. She must have been impatient and gone off without me.
The Cape Feather becomes a cape and Toad puts it on.
Toad: I hope that I watched Mario enough to do this!
Toad makes a mighty leap into the air and flies across the gap.
Toad: Now where is Dixie?
Just then, Toad crashes into a Giant Kritter. This makes him fall to the ground and lose his Cape Power.
Giant Kritter: Well, well, well. It looks like that Mushroom Boy has come to see us.
Toad: Can you please let me get back on my quest? I must find Dixie.
Giant Kritter: Hmmmmm… Let me think about that one… You are the good guy and I'm the bad guy… Oh! I know what to say about that one! NO!
Toad: That's a shame. *picks up a barrel* Eat this!
Toad chucks the barrel at the Giant Kritter. He falls down defeated with Dixie standing on top of him.
Toad: Huh? Where did you come from, Dixie?
Dixie: I was inside the barrel you tossed at that moron!
Toad: How did you get in there anyway?
Just then, a bunch of Giant Kritters and Sledge Bros. come over to where Toad and Dixie are.
Toad: This is NOT my lucky day!
Dixie: I think I know how to get out of this one!
Dixie goes over to a giant Koopa and stomps on it to make it go into its shell. She chucks it at a wall so that it's heading in Toad and Dixie's direction.
Dixie: We’d better jump now!
Toad: But I'm very bad at jumping! Toads jump like broken pogo sticks!
Dixie tosses Toad onto the shell and she jumps on it. They ride on top of it as they plow through the Giant Kritters and Sledge Bros.
Toad: Wow! This is pretty cool! Where did you learn to do that?
Dixie: Since Koopa Shells are like Steel Kegs, it might be a good idea to ride them like one.
After they plow through all the Giant Kritters and Sledge Bros, Toad and Dixie get off the shell. They are very near the kingdom's castle.
Toad: We finally made it! Now we can save the next person! … By the way, why were you in that barrel?
Dixie: That's just an old habit that all of the Kremling Krew likes to do with Kongs when they catch them. I can remember the first time it happened to me.
On DK Island, Diddy is about to go to Crocodile Isle.
Dixie: Diddy, can I come with you on your quest to free Donkey Kong?
Diddy: Are you kidding me?! You're a girl! This is a man's adventure! A girl like you can't stand ten seconds out there!
Dixie: I don't care! Just let me go!
Diddy: Sorry! I can do it all by myself!
Diddy hops on Enguarde's back and sails away.
Dixie: Just a girl?! I'll show that Diddy Kong that girls are just like boys!
After six hours of swimming, Dixie finally makes it to Crocodile Isle. She's on the deck of Gangplank Galleon.
Dixie: Now where is Diddy? I must show him I'm on the adventure with him!
Just then, she comes across a Neek.
Dixie: OH MY GOSH! A GIANT RAT!
A Klomp walks onto the deck to find Dixie.
Klomp: Well, well, well. If it isn't a monkey girl. I know what to do with you suckers!
Klomp stuffs Dixie into a DK Barrel.
Dixie: ... Just thinking about it makes me homesick.
Toad: Never mind your homesickness! We’ve got to see the prince!
Toad and Dixie enter the castle. Inside, they find Prince Hugo the Huge.
Dixie: Woah. This guy is huge. You must be Prince Hugo the Huge!
Hugo: That's what they all say about me. I'm a giant compared to all the other giants in the kingdom. It's great that you are visiting me, but I'm afraid it's a bad time now because I'm in gigantic trouble.
Parrot: SQUAWK! GIGANTIC TROUBLE! GIGANTIC TROUBLE!
Hugo: That bird is correct. I am now waiting for Mario to come and bail me out of this. He did such a good job of saving my kingdom years ago.
Toad: Well, Mario is all tied up at the moment now, but we can handle your problem!
Parrot: SQUAWK! That shrimpy Mushroom and that monkey can never do it!
Hugo: Please excuse my parrot. He can underestimate people and has a horrible temper.
Hugo: Oh no! He's back!
Dixie: Who's back?
Hugo: Mad Jack, of course! I’d better hide now!
Hugo runs away.
Dixie: I got a bad feeling about this.
Just then, a small, yellow box with multicolored stars on it drops from the ceiling and bounces over to where Toad and Dixie are.
Toad: Is that what he was afraid of? Oh come on! It's just a box!
Dixie: Careful! We don't know what we're up against!
The box grows to the size of Bowser and opens up at the top. As soon as it opens, some kind of puppet-like thing comes out of it. It has a red outfit on that looks like a cone, two big springs for arms with orange gloves at the end of each spring, a crocodile-like head with its right eye being a metal sphere with a horizontal slot glowing red on it, and the bottom of it is just a giant spring.
Puppet Thing: Hello there, Tiny and Mr. Mushroom! I am Mad Jack! My master, Kracko, sent me off to destroy you two!
Dixie: (Kracko? Why does that name ring a bell?) I'm not Tiny! I'm her sister, Dixie!
Mad Jack: Don't lie to me, Tiny! I am still very furious about what happened in our battle at Frantic Factory! Thanks to Master Kracko, I can finally get my revenge because I am rebuilt!
Toad: Do you know this guy at all?
Dixie: Not really. But my guess is that he knows my sister.
Mad Jack gets into his box and jumps around in it to try to squish Toad and Dixie.
Toad: Dixie? Do you know how to defeat this guy?
Dixie: Do you think I know just because my sister faced this guy?!
Toad: Then what shall we do?!
Dixie: I don't know! Just run around like crazy until we find out!
Toad and Dixie run around Mad Jack with no care on where they're going. They ram into each other and fall down. Mad Jack pops out of his box.
Mad Jack: Hahahahahahahaha! Look at you pathetic fools run! Beating you guys is going to be like eating cake!
Just then, an egg hits Mad Jack in the face.
Mad Jack: Who dares throw an egg in the face of the mighty Mad Jack?!
Parrot: I do, you ugly toy!
Mad Jack throws a ball of fire at the parrot's cage and destroys it.
Parrot: MY CAGE! MY CAGE! THAT BOZO RUINED MY CAGE!
Toad: If you hate him that much, then why don't you help us defeat him?
Parrot: I guess that will do.
Toad and Dixie get on the parrot's back and fly around Mad Jack.
Dixie: Is this the way to defeat this loser?
Toad: No. But it looks so cool!
Dixie: -.-' We're doomed.
Mad Jack: BOZO?! LOSER?! IS THAT ANYWAY TO REFER TO THE MIGHTY MAD JACK?!
Toad: That guy really has a short fuse.
Dixie: Hmmm… Oh! I know what to do!
Toad: What's that?
Dixie: Follow my lead, everybody. That Mad Jack is such a big nut case! I think I know why you were a rejected product from Frantic Factory!
Toad: I know what she means! You look like someone stuffed a bunch of junk in a box without a care!
Mad Jack: I COMMAND THAT YOU STOP THAT AT ONCE!
Parrot: Eat egg, ugly!
Parrot throws dozens of eggs at Mad Jack.
Toad: Where did you get all those eggs?
Parrot: I swiped them from the fridge while Hugo wasn't looking!
Mad Jack: THAT DOES IT! YOU WILL PAY FOR ALL OF THAT!
Mad Jack starts throwing fireballs at them.
Toad: What good was that?! We just made him even worse!
Dixie: But at least we can launch a counterattack on him! Got anything to do that?
Toad: I was saving this Bob-omb for rainy days like this one!
Toad pulls out a Bob-omb.
Toad: You're going to get a bang out of this oen, Mad Jack! Hee, hee, hee!
Toad throws it at Mad Jack.
Mad Jack: WAAAAH BRAGLE! Time to use my second attack!
Mad Jack is building up a lot of energy in his right eye. He then shoots laser beams out of it.
Toad: What are we going to do now?!
Dixie: You have another Bob-omb, right?
Dixie: Then that means we have to... RUN FOR OUR LIVES!
Toad and Dixie try to run away, but they rin into a wall. This makes a mirror on it fall down and land on Dixie.
Dixie: This mirror! I know what to do with it!
Dixie gets up while holding the mirror like a shield.
Dixie: Try to hit me, Quack in the Box!
Mad Jack shoots a laser at Dixie. Instead of hitting her, it hits the mirror and bounces off to Mad Jack.
Mad Jack: WAAAAH BRAGLE! That does it! It's time to use my third and final weapon!
Mad Jack pulls out a large bazooka.
Mad Jack: Say your prayers!
Mad Jack fires Banzai Bills out of his bazooka.
Toad: WE’D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE! THIS GUY'S CRAZY!
Parrot: Get on my back! It's our only chance!
Toad and Dixie get on the parrot's back and fly away.
Mad Jack: YOU CANNOT ESCAPE! FEEL MY WRATH!
Mad Jack shoots a Banzai Bill at the parrot and he falls from the sky, but he lands in the barrel of Mad Jack's bazooka.
Mad Jack: I hate my life.
The bazooka reaches a high level of overload and explodes. This sends the parrot and Mad Jack flying out of the castle and dropping a DK Coin.
Dixie: For some reason, we beat it.
Cranky goes over to Toad and Dixie with Toadsworth.
Cranky: Well done, kids! While you were dealing with that bucket of bolts, I freed this fossil for ya!
Toadsworth: He is such a nice gentleman! We even had a spot of tea!
Cranky: Off you go to the Sky Kingdom! This running around is no good for an old man like myself.
Toad and Dixie leave the castle to go back to the Turbo Skis.