Super Mario RPG: No Legend of the 7 Dumb Stars

By Crazy Koopa

Chapter 6: The Dumb Star of the Sea!

Last time Mario and Co. got more party members and they are Bowser and the princess. Mario and Co. stopped Booster's wedding and Morton destroyed Bundt and Raspberry. They also received a Shiny Stone and also found out that Frogfucius has a twin brother named Frogfusius. Now they have four of the seven Dumb Stars! They now continue from Dumb Star Hill, to Seaside Town...

Mario: Something's fishy about this town.

Mallow: Maybe because you're standing on that guy's Fish Stand.

Mario looks down and notices he is on a guy's Fish Stand.

Black-Spotted Toad: Watch it, loser!

Mario: Ok...

Mario and Co. head to the beach and find...

Mario, Bowser, and the Princess: WENDY?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Wendy: Relaxing!

Mario, Bowser, and Peach: But you're not supposed to exist yet!

Wendy: Oh, right!

Wendy disappears in a puff of smoke.

Mario: Come to think of it... Morton isn't supposed to exist either, but he appeared in the last chapter.

Morton: Oh, right!

Morton also disappears in a puff of smoke.

Mario: Well that was strange!

Mallow: Let's go into that guy's house!

Mario and Co. enter the Elder of Seaside Town's house.

Elder: It's about time you got here!

Mario: What?

Elder: I need you to get the Dumb Star that fell into the sea!

Geno: How do you know about the Dumb Stars?

Elder: I don't know anything about the seven Dumb Stars!

Geno: But you said there were seven just now! And you wanted the one that fell in the sea!

Elder: I guessed the number seven and I just want that dang Star! Ok?!

Geno: Fine...

Elder: Good! Now GO!!!

Mario and Co. leave Seaside Town and head for the sea. But they don't know  what dangers are in the deep blue sea. But who cares? They'll just make it to Smithy by the end anyways. But there are still dangers in the sea.

Mario: I bet that Elder was fake.

Mallow: I bet he was real!

Geno: I bet he was real, too!

Bowser: Me three!

Princess: Me four!

Mario: Fine! I'm betting five bucks to each of you, that he is fake!

Mallow, Geno, Bowser, and Princess: You're on!

Mario: Where are we supposed to go now?

Princess: The Sea!

Mario: But how can we breathe down there?

Geno: And won't I rot?

Mallow: And won't I inflate like a sponge and later make rain fall onto the planet?

Princess: We'll use that!

The princess points to a conveniently placed submarine.

Mario, Mallow, and Geno: Convenient!

Mario and Co. board the submarine and go underwater. They see lots of Bloopers, Mr. Kippers, and more. The last thing they see is a sunken ship.

Mario: Hey! Isn't that Bowser's sunken ship from Dinosaur Land?


Princess: We don't live around a courthouse. We never even built a courthouse anywhere in the Mushroom Kingdom!

Bowser: Well you should. Than I'm gonna sue you, Princess!

Princess: Why me?

Bowser: For not building courthouses in the Mushroom Kingdom so people can sue!

Princess: That is the dumbest reason ever!

Geno: Uhh, guys?

Princess: Not now, Geno.

Geno: But-

Mario: Be quiet! It's getting good!

Geno: But-

Mallow: Quiet!

Geno: Can I just say-

Bowser: SHUT UP!!!

Geno: But-

Mario and Co. without Geno: SHUT UP!!!

Geno: Can I just say one thing?

Mario and Co. without Geno: WHAT?!


Mario: That was actually two things. But why abandon submarine?

Geno: Look behind you, genius!

Mario looks behind him and notices that there is no driver (he was the driver and they are about to hit a huge rock.



The submarine crashed. Mario and Co are knocked out!

A few hours later, Mario and Co wake up.

Mario: Where are we? How did we get here?

Mallow: We're in a ship. And I don't know how we got here.


Mallow: ... I should've known.

Geno: We got exploded out of the submarine! Remember?

Mario: Oh yeah!

Bowser: Let's just go so I can sue whoever stole my sunken ship and the princess!

Bowser takes one step forward and the floor gives in. Mario and Co. fall through the hole.


Mario and Co. land on something white and squishy.

Mario: Did we land on a bed?

Mallow: I think so...

Bed???: ROAR!!!

Mario: Did the bed just talk?

Geno: No. It roared!

Bed???: I'm not a bed!!!

Princess: Now it's talking!


Bowser: I'm gonna burn this bed!


Bowser burns the bed and it starts yelling and doing other things.

Bed???: I'M A %@^%^$^$@ BLOOPER!!! NOT A %^#$^$%# BED!!!

Mario and Co: Well you should've said something.

Blooper: I $%^#$^#$% DID! AND I'M KING CALAMARI! YOU DON'T TREAT #%^^#$%^#$%^ KINGS THIS WAY!!!

Mario: Well can you let us through?


Mario: Woohoo! Let's go!

King Calamari: I smell calamari...

Mario and Co. continue through the sunken ship, even though it's being burned on the inside. Mario and Co. find a room with two doors, one with a clearly noticeable sign.

Sign: This way to the Star and Johnny!

Mario: We have two door choices. Go up, or go down.

Mallow: Mario, there is-

Mario: Not now, Mallow.

Geno: But Mario-

Mario: No buts.

Princess: I vote we go up!

Bowser: I vote we go down!

Princess: Up!

Bowser: Down!

Princess: Up!

Bowser: Down!

Princess: Up!

Bowser: Down!

Princess: Down!

Bowser: Up!

Princess: Down!

Bowser: When I say up, we're going up!!!

Princess: Fine...


Mario, Bowser, and Princess: WHAT?!

Mallow: Let's just go through that door.

Mallow points to the door with the sign that says "This way to the Star  and Johnny!"

Mario: Uhh... I knew that was there.

Mallow and Geno: ...

Mario and Co. go through the door that goes to the Star and Johnny.

Pirate 1: Ack! The ship be on fire!

Pirate 2: Quick! Get some water!

Pirate 3: But we be living underwater!

Pirate 4: I got the booty! It's all mine!

Pirates 1, 2, and 3: OH YEAH?

Pirate 4: Aye!

Pirates 1, 2, and 3: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!!!

Pirates 1, 2, and 3 beat Pirate 4 to a pulp.

Pirate 4: X_X

Mario: Let's just take their treasure and leave.

Mallow: Right!

Mario and Co. take the treasure (which is a Mushroom) and go up the stairs and find more pirates.

Pirate 5: Ye have any 3s?

Pirate 6 looks at his hand, which has nothing but 3s.

Pirate 6: Uhh... Go Fish!

Mario: Can we go through?

Pirates: Sure! Just don't interrupt us! We be in a middle of a game that be taking wits and cunning!

Mario: You mean Go Fish?

Pirates: Eh? We thought we be making this game first! Oh well.

The pirates leave and Mario and Co. enter Johnny's room.

Mario: We're looking for a Johnny and a Star!

Shark Pirate: Eh? Ye be needing to speak English there.

Mario: We are speaking English!

Shark Pirate: No ye be not! 'Tis this language I be speaking! This language is English!

Mario: Oh... Umm... We be looking for a Star that fell in this ocean. And who may you be?

Johnny: I be the most feared pirate of the Mushroom Seas! I be Johnny! And ye be wanting this here Star?

Mario: Aye!

Johnny: Then here you go!

Johnny gives Mario the fifth Dumb Star! Now there are only two Dumb Stars left.

Mario: Thank ye!

Johnny: I be helping you get out of here!

Bowser: Before that... I'm going to sue you!

Johnny: Why?

Bowser: For stealing MY sunken ship!

Johnny: Err...

Johnny stabs Mario and Co. with his trident, and they just go through the ceiling of the ship and crash onto the cliff in Seaside Town.

Elder: Hee hee hee! Thank you, fools! I'm not really the village elder!

Mario: I knew it! You guys owe me five bucks!

Mallow, Geno, Bowser, and Princess: Ok!

They pull out a whistle and blow in it. Then 20 (five each) bucks come over and run over Mario.

Mario X_X

Fake Elder: Uhh... Ok... We have to wait until he wakes up.

Princess: Wanna play Go Fish?

Fake Elder: Ok!

After five hours of Go Fish, Mario finally wakes up.

Fake Elder: Finally! He is awake! Now hand over the Star!

Mario: No way! Not until I know who you are!

Fake Elder: I am Yaridovich! Member of the Smithy Gang and a great WEDDING CAKE baker!


Bowser: You're not supposed to exist yet!

Morton: Oh, right...

Yaridovich: Uhh... Anyways! I'm still a great WEDDING CAKE maker!



Morton: Aww...

Morton disappears in a puff of smoke.

Yaridovich: Is he gone?

Bowser: Yes. Now continue.

Yaridovich: I am ordered to steal the Star from you and was ordered to defeat you with the Wedding Cake in Marrymore!

Mario: And if we don't give you the Star?

Yaridovich: Uhh... I was actually supposed to give you that option?

Mario: Maybe...

Yaridovich: Uhh... REGARDLESS! Hand over the Star nice and easy!

Mario: Ok!

Mario hands over the Dumb Star.

Mario gives Yaridovich his first Dumb Star! Now he only needs six more to go!

Yaridovich: What?! Where are the voices coming from?

Mario: I don't know. They followed us since the beginning of this Fun Fiction.

Yaridovich: I shall run to the cliff of this dumb town!

Mallow: We're already here.

Yaridovich: The Blade is late. What's taking him so long?

Mario: Is he a crazy person?

Crazy Koopa: Hey! That's my affiliation!

Mario: Sorry! Oh great author.

Crazy: Seriously. Stop that or this will be discontinued.

Mario: Sorry! Oh great author.

Crazy: ...

Yaridovich: Ack! Mario made it here so fast!

Mario: No, we were here for about 20 lines.

Yaridovich: Well gang, it's our only option. But we may rust in the process. Let's go swimming!


Yaridovich attempts to go in but gets stopped by Johnny and his pirates.

Johnny: You fiend! Ye be not trying to rust me ocean!

Pirate: Johnny?

Johnny: Aye?

Pirate: How can we breathe on land?

Johnny: Ack! I be forgetting about that!

Johnny and hia two pirates shrivel up and die.

Yaridovich: ...

Fake Toads: ...

Mario and Co: ...

Random Tree: ...

Mario: Sid the tree just talk?!

Random Tree: No.

Mario: Ok.

Yaridovich: We shall now assume our real form!

The Fake Toads circle around Yaridovich and crash into him.

Yaridovich: OW!!! I told you when we do that, you take the zippers off!

Fake Toads: Ok...

The Fake Toads take their zippers off to reveal Yaridovich's body parts.

Yaridovich: At least no one took off my zipper.

Mario: Hey, what's that zipper for? I open it!


Mario removes Yaridovich's zipper and reveals his head.

Yaridovich's Head: Crud... I've been defeated!

Yaridovich's head blows up and reveals a Shed Key and the fifth Dumb Star Piece!

Mario: I got it!

Mario and Co. obtains the fifth Dumb Star Piece! Just two left to find.

Mario: Let's go!

Mario and Co. leave the town to their next destination.

Meanwhile in the shed...

Real Elder: Hello? Is anyone there? Get us out!

Mushroom Boy: Yeah! We're starving in here!

Health Mole: How long have we been in here?

Weapon Shopkeeper: 3 days, 13 hours, 22 minutes, 34 seconds, 25 milliseconds, and 4 nanoseconds.

Armor Shopkeeper: It's a good thing we are the Accessory Shopkeeper, or we wouldn't have survived for these three days!

Innkeeper: I'm hungry...

Mushroom Boy: Let's eat the Elder!

Everyone: OK!!!

They look to where the Elder was, but he is gone!

Everyone: What?!

Meanwhile outside the shed...

Real Elder: It's a good thing I always keep a spare key under the mat.

End of Chapter 6:

Why does the Real Elder keep a spare key under the mat? Why is there a mat in the shed anyways? What happened to the burning sunken ship? Will Bowser ever sue the princess and Johnny? Why do I keep asking why do I always ask these questions? How did Wendy and Morton get here anyways? What is 1+1?
Find out in Chapter 7: Hello Land's End! Goodbye Monstro Town!

Chapter 7: Hello Land¡¯s End! Goodbye Monstro Town!

Last time Mario and Co. went to Seaside Town and found the next Dumb Star under the sea in a sunken ship. Mario gave the Star to Yaridovich and managed to defeat him. Now Mario and Co. will be going to somewhere...

Mario: Where should we go now?

Mallow: I don't know.

Geno: I think we should ask someone.

Bowser: How about Frogfucius?

Princess: Too tired to walk there.

Mario: Let's see the Elder!

Mallow: Ok!

Mario and Co. go to the Elder's house.

Elder: Ah, Mario! I've been expecting you. The Star you're looking for is in a place called Monstro Town. To go there, though, you must go through the Land's End.

Mario: We didn't ask, though.

Elder: Oh...

Mario: But thanks for telling us!

Mario and Co. go to the Land's End, which is the end of the land. They don't know how to get to Monstro Town.

Mario: Now which way is Monstro Town?

Mallow: Let's just go in a random direction!

Geno: Yeah!

Mario and Co. jump in the cannon and land on the floating tile and go to the next area. They enter the next area and find another cannon and a floating treasure chest.


Mallow: LET'S GET IT!

Mario and Co. jump into the cannon and land in a pit, which makes three Chows appear.

Chows: Bow wow!

Mario: Must destroy!

Mario destroys the three Chows. Than Mario and Co. wonder how they'll get the treasure chest.

Mario: I got it!

If you want to know what their plan is, here it is:

Totem Pole Pile Up (they go on top of each other.)
Treasure Chest

Bowser: Why do I have to be on the bottom?

Mario: Because you're too heavy!

Bowser: ...

Mallow: I almost got it!

Than a random Lakitu flies by.

Lakitu: Oh goody! My treasure is still here!

The Lakitu obtains the treasure chest, which had a paper in it that says something on it.

Paper: Coming soon! Tin Mario! A Paper Mario parody!

Lakitu: Oh boy! Tin Mario!

The Lakitu flies away.

Mario and Co: ...

Mario and Co. go to the next area, which has a lot of cannons and lizards called Geckits.

Mario: I'm tired of walking. I'm going to fast forward on this part.

Mallow: How?

Mario: Plothole!

Geno: I should have known.

Mario fast forwards the Geckit part and enters the cliff and spinning flower part.

Mario: Hooray for plotholes!

Mallow: Let's go!

Mario and Co. spin jump on the flowers and manage to get to the Sky Bridge area.

Shaman: Woohoo! How about you try the NOT rigged Sky Bridge?

Mario: Well if you say it's not rigged... Ok!

Shaman: Good! (Sucker!)

Mario tries but fails the Sky Bridge game.

Shaman: You lose! Now you're my slave!

Mario: WHAT?!

Shaman: Bring me another idiot slave, SLAVE!

Princess: Let me try!

Shaman: Ok! (Yay! Another sucker!)

The princess tries but also fails.

Shaman: You lose! Now you¡'e my slave! Bring me cake, SLAVE!

Geno: I'll try!

Shaman: Good idea! (Big sucker!)

Geno tries and, you guessed it, failed!

Shaman: You lose! Now you're my slave! Bring me money, SLAVE!

Bowser: RAWR! I'll try!

Shaman: OK! (Sucker!)

You know what happens to Bowser.

Shaman: You lose! Now you're my slave! Bring me balloons, SLAVE!

Mallow: I'll try!

Shaman: Sure thing! (Sucker!)

Mallow tries and wins!

Shaman: WHAT?! BUT HOW?!

Mallow: Plothole!


Mallow: Release your slaves, SLAVE!

Shaman: Ok, Master.

The Shaman releases his slaves.

Mallow: Let's go!

Shaman: I shall teleport you, Master!

The Shaman teleports Mario and Co/ to Belome Temple.

Mario: Where are we?

Mallow: Read that 50-foot sign over there.


Mario: Odd...

Mario and Co. go into the fortune teller room.

Shaman: Welcome! Would you like your fortune told?

Mario: Ok.

Shaman: Ok... I see... I see... YOU! WILL! BE! IN... TIN MARIO!

Mario: I will?! Cool!

Shaman: I also see that the next room will contain a plothole that'll lead you to Belome!

Mario: Ok...

Mario and Co. enter the next room and see the plothole.

Mario: Let's go into that plothole!

Mario and Co. jump into the plothole and are face to face with Belome.

Mario and Mallow: BELOME?!

Belome: I'm hungry again...


Belome eats the door to the room with Monstro Town's pipe.

Belome: Now I'm full.

Mario: But you ate yourself!

Belome: I know. I came back by using...

Mallow: Let me guess, a plothole?

Belome: Nope! I used a warp pipe.

Mario: Ok...

Mario and Co. go to the room with the pipe to Monstro Town.

Mario: That must be the pipe to Monstro Town!

Mallow: Let's go!

Mario and Co enter Monstro Town and enter Monstermama's house.

Monstermama: Hello there! We haven't had a visitor in days.

Mario: We're here for a Star.

Monstermama: Star? Oh! You mean our star! She's upstairs!

Mario: REALLY?! But how can you tell it's a she?

Monstermama: She is pink!

Mario: Oh... LET'S GO!

Mario and Co. scurry up the stairs and find a Treasure Chest Monster, a mouse, and a Starslap.


Mouse: You don't have to shout! Besides, she's right there!

Starslap: La, La, La...


Bowser: Oh yeah, that reminds me... I'M STILL GOING TO SUE YOU, PEACH!

Mouse: Get out! Yelling and cursing is not allowed in our clubhouse!

The mouse kicks Mario and Co, out.

Mario: #$@%@#$% MOUSE!

They enter a house with a Piranha Plant, Chow, and Thwomp.

Mario: Shouldn't you be in a pot, Piranha Plant?

Piranha Plant: Sometimes I can hear our neighbor next door mumbling about an evil this and a crystal that. He sealed his door so that only a crystal can open it. Isn't a crystal like some sort of SHINY ROCK? I know I've seen one somewhere!

Mario: Why did you say Shiny Rock in all caps?

Piranha Plant: I don't know.

Mario and Co. leave and go next door.

Mario: The door is locked!

Door: NO! I've been sealed!

Mallow: Did that door just talk?

Door: No...

Mallow: Oh...

The Shiny Stone then starts reacting! The door has been unsealed!

Door: Finally! That seal has been bugging me!

Seal: Arf!

Mario: You mean you actually had an actual seal on you?!

Door: Yup! It really wants fish.

Mario: We're going through you now.

Door: Ok!

Mallow: I thought you didn't talk!

Door: Oh, right!

Mario and Co. enter the unsealed door and end up in another dimension.

Mario: Where are we?

???: You're in my dimension.

Mario: Who are you?

???: I am Culex!

Mario: You look like you came from a Final Fantasy game.

Culex: This game is also made by Square Soft.

Mario: Oh...

Culex: I wish to challenge you¡r strongest knight before I go. Will you accept my offer?

Mario: Ok!

Culex: Engarde!

*Insert Culex Music Here*

Culex: I am matter... I am antimatter... I can see your past... I can see your future... I consume time... And I will consume YOU!

Culex summons his four Crystals to battle with him.

Culex: 4,096 HP
Earth Crystal: 3,200 HP
Fire Crystal: 2,500 HP
Water Crystal: 1,800 HP
Wind Crystal: 800 HP

Wind Crystal: Whhhhhhooooo...

Earth Crystal: I hate being awakened.

Water Crystal: Get me back underground!

Fire Crystal: I gotta vacuum tonight!

Everyone looks at the Fire Crystal.

Fire Crystal: What?

Mario: Jump!

Mario jumps on the Wind Crystal.

Wind Crystal: OW!!!

Wind Crystal: 594 HP

Mario: They have too much HP! We can't win!

Culex: Actually we're covering our real HP with fake HP.

Culex: Real HP: 40 HP
Earth Crystal: Real HP: 32 HP
Fire Crystal: Real HP: 25 HP
Water Crystal: Real HP: 18 HP
Wind Crystal: Real HP: 0 HP (Used to be 8.)

Mario: ...

Mario uses a Rock Candy he stole off Toad when he fainted.

Mallow: When did you get that?

Mario: I stole it from Toad when he went unconscious.

Mallow: Oh...

Mario caused 200 damage to Culex and his Crystals!

Culex and His Crystals: 0 HP

Mario and Co. win!

Culex: Here, have this Quartz Charm!

Mario obtains a Quartz Charm!

Mario: Thanks!

Culex: Goodbye!

Culex and Culex's door disappear.

Mario: Huh?!

Mallow: Oh well...

Monstermama: Well there you are!

Mario: Hello again!

Monstermama: I thought you meant our Star, so here, I'll help you by calling someone to help you find your star! Sky Troops! I need you!

Five hours later...

Sergeant Flutter: What was our flying time, Troops?

Sky Troops: 8.08 Seconds!

Sergeant Flutter: Sky Troops ready for duty, ma'am! But we're late by .08 seconds!

Mario: You were late by five hours!

Monstermama: This fellow wants to go to Bean Valley! Like most of the people who went searching for Stars!

Sergeant Flutter: Yes, ma'am! Mission Objective: Get Mustache over cliff to Bean Valley!

Mario: But we don't-

Monstermama: Good! Now be sure he goes over the cliff! Not like last time!


Sergeant Flutter: Mission complete, ma'am!

Monstermama: I told you I wanted to go to the store! Not the laundrimat!

End of Flashback...

Sergeant Flutter: Yes, ma'am!

Sergeant Flutter and his Sky Troops leave.

Monstermama: They are odd, but trustworthy. Sort of...

Mario: Let's go! We'll be back!

Mario and Co. leave and enter the dojo by mistake.

Jinx: Finally! I shall give you this Jinx Belt!

Mario obtains the Jinx Belt.

Bowser: Hey you!

Jagger: Yes?

Bowser: Were you in my Koopa Troop?

Jagger: Nope!

Bowser: Oh...

Mario leaves and goes back to the Land's End.

Mario: Let's use another plothole to get to the cliff!

Mallow: Yeah!

Mario and Co. use another plothole to get to the cliff.

Sergeant Flutter: There you are! Now jump on our backs!

Mario and Co: Ok!

Mario and Co/ jump on their backs and they carry him to the top of the cliff.

Sergeant Flutter: Good luck!

Meanwhile in Monstro Town...

Boo: We, the three Musty Fears, shall have our revenge today!

Greaper: Yeah!

Dry Bones: Here is the dynamite!

Boo: Good! Now let's blow up this town!

Boo lights a match and sets the fuse on the dynamite!

Dry Bones: Yes!


The 3 Musty Fears: Yes!

End of Chapter 7:

Why did the 3 Musty Fears blow up Monstro Town? What's in Bean Valley? How many plotholes have been in this Fun Fiction so far? Will I finish this Fun Fiction so I can work on Tin Mario? Find out in Chapter 8: Bean Valley and Nimbus Land!

Read on!

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