Shady: Here’s the current list of people in my “People who saved this dead horse of a FF” list. So far we have Chokoyoshi, Crazy Koopa, Dark Yoshi 123, some guy named Armored Potato, and a bunch of people who don’t want there names here. *coughcoughcowitnessprotectionprogramughcough*. Now I guess I have to start writing this stupid thing again. *grumble*
Outside of the world’s tallest building…
Police Toad: Sir! Don’t jump!
MB: He’s right! You don’t need to kill yourself! … *giggle*
Shadow Mario: You can’t tell me what to do!
A taxi pulls up next to MB. Yux comes out.
Yux: Keep the change… On second thought, give it to me.
Taxi Driver: But I need it so my kids can eat…
Yux: I said I want to keep it!
Insert the sound of a flamethrower breath-induced car explosion… whatever that may sound like.
MB: Thank DAD you came.
Yux: So… Why is he committing suicide?
Shadow Mario: Now to go on my final rant! Have you not noticed how we haven’t had a new chapter for like a YEAR?!
Yux: That was because the author was busy!
Shadow Mario: BUSY?! He wasn’t busy when he put you in those stupid Interviews!
Yux: …
Shadow Mario: Face it! He doesn’t care about us at all!
MB: You can’t say that!
Shadow Mario: The author of this Fun Fiction has abandoned me.
Shadow Mario lifts his left foot and places it over the edge of the building.
Narrator: And Kratos… err, Shadow Mario cast himself from the highest building in all of Plit. After a year of suffering, a year of endless waiting, it would finally come to an end. Game Overing would be his escape from madness.
Shady: No one escapes from madness unless I say so!
Shady flies from out of nowhere and grabs Shadow Mario, sending him into a window in the building.
Shadow Mario: (in a pretzel shape) Pain…
Shady: Just be happy I saved you.
Shadow Mario: Why? Have you come to make me a part of your beloved Interview series?!
Shady: HA! Like I’d never give you the honor! I’m only here to finish this stupid thing.
Shadow Mario: You’ll never get me to work for you again! NEVER!
Shady: Oh, can’t I?
He snaps his fingers. Blaze materializes and begins to slowly approach Shadow Mario.
Shadow Mario No… NOO!!!
…
Shady: MB! YUX! SHADOW MARIO! Get in positions! It’s time to film.
MB: I’m ready! *giggle*
Yux: Yeah, I’m ready.
Shady: Get in here, Shadow Mario!
Shadow Mario comes in, shaking violently.
Yux: What the @#$% did you do to him?!
Shady: It’s better if you don’t know.
Shadow Mario: No more PSP, Shady. No more PSP, Shady. No more PSP, Shady. No more PSP, Shady. No more PSP, Shady. No more PSP, Shady. No more PSP, Shady…
Yux: (giving Shadow Mario a DS) You monster!
Shady: I had to do what I had to do. Now… GO!
Chapter 3… Zzzzz… What? We’re back on? Um… Something about a coal-less mine and a mutant marriage cake… Yeah
The team head back to the inn for no reason at all.
Innkeeper: Well hello there, strangers! Welcome to the inn… Oh, it’s you again.
Shadow Mario: Yep! The one and only!
Innkeeper: Thank DAD for that. So why are you here?
MB: *giggle* We’re here for no reason at all!
Kid: *gasp* Mommy! My Malibu Barbie came to life!
Innkeeper: I told you to go back to college!
Kid: But MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!! I already got my Masters degree!
Innkeeper: But you don’t have two of them, do you?!
Kid: Can’t I just play dress up with Barbie one last time?
MB: *nervous giggle* D...dress up?
Kid: PLLLLLLEEEAAASSSSEEEE?!
Innkeeper: Fine, go play with your freaky thing.
Kid: (dragging MB by the arm) Thank you, Mommy!
MB: Help me, puny mortals!!! *giggle*
He enters his room and closes the door behind him.
Yux: So… What do you do around here for fun?
Innkeeper: Well we have a PS3 hooked up to the TV.
Yux: I said I wanted to have fun. Not the complete opposite.
Two hours later…
Kid: I’m done!
Yux: Finally! Now let’s get mov…
MB walks out of the kid’s room in a camouflage shirt and pants. Also, several pounds of grenades, rifles, shotguns, and bazookas have been strapped to her belts.
MB: *giggle* I feel like the prettiest princess of all!
Yux: … Well I’m sure the people who write that Guns and Ammo magazine would agree. And now we leave.
Kid: Don’t go, MB! You’re my only friend.
Shadow Mario: No surprise there.
MB: *giggle* Don’t worry! Here, take this!
She hands him a grenade.
Kid: What do I do with this?
MB: *giggle* Watch.
She pulls out the needle.
MB: I’ll take this part, and you take the rest. Now a little bit of me will be with you and a bit of you will be with me! *evil giggle *
Kid: Thank you!
MB: *giggle* Bye! (whispering) Let’s get the #$%@ out of here.
The trio leave town. BOOM!
Yux: That was cruel and unusual.
Shadow Mario: Yeah… I like you already!
MB: *giggle* Thanks!
Yux: So, what do we do now?
MB: Why, we head to the next star of course! *giggle*
Yux: Yeah, but where is the next Star?
Shadow Mario: Don’t you know anything about RPGs? We just follow the only road in the world and go from town to town until we find the next Star.
MB: That’s right! *giggle*
Yux: But what do we do if the road splits in half?
Shadow Mario: Then we’re doomed.
Yux: Like now?
The road splits in half.
Shadow Mario: … We’ll just have to look it up online.
Yux: How do we use the Internet out here?
Shadow Mario: How can’t we use the Internet out here? Everything can surf the web now these days.
He flips over a rock and finds a keyboard.
Yux: I don’t understand anything anymore.
Shadow Mario: Neither do I, Yux. Neither do I…
They head to Moleville.
Shadow Mario: Let’s ask about the Star in this random house.
Yux: Cause I’m sure that the family wants a bunch of strangers walking in their home and asking about shiny things.
MB: *giggle* Of course!
Shadow Mario: Hello, random household!
Mole: Hello strangers! Care to take some things from our drawers, sleep in our beds, and hit our invisible blocks?
Shadow Mario: Not today, sir. We need to know if you’ve seen an upside down star that holds the power of evil.
Mole: Oh yes. sir! It’s in the mine behind us! I saw it yesterday.
Shadow Mario: Thanks!
They leave.
Mole’s Wife: Yesterday? You haven’t left the house in months!
Mole: Hello strangers! Care to take some things from our drawers, sleep in our beds, and hit our invisible blocks?
Mole’s Wife: *sigh* I have no idea what I see in you.
Mole: Oh yes, sir! It’s in the mine behind us! I saw it yesterday.
Mole’s Wife: I love you NPC.
Meanwhile…
Shadow Mario: What’s with the huge line leading into the Mine?
Random Mole: Well after we saw Mario riding the mine cart, we decided to open up a business around this newly discovered rollercoaster. It started to make us more money then that stupid mine ever did.
Shadow Mario: … Thanks, because I totally asked you about it.
He throws the Random Mole out of his spot in line.
Yux: What are you doing?
Shadow Mario: You heard what the Mole said. That Star is in there somewhere. We just have to wait a little bit to get to it.
MB: *giggle* Well that makes perfect sense.
Yux: Only one problem…
He uses a Mini-Yux to point to a 55-hour wait sign.
Yux: You have served your purpose, slave!
Mini-Yux: But I want to live!
The Mini-Yux screams in pain as he’s reabsorbed.
Shadow Mario: Huh… I have an idea!
He grabs a random Mole kid and holds a knife to its throat.
Mole kid: I WANT MY MOMMY!!!
Shadow Mario: You heard the kid! One way! Coming through!
He pushes his way into the mine. Five minutes later…
Shadow Mario: That was the best ride ever!
MB: *giggle* Well I’m glad you had fun. So…where’s the Star?
Shadow Mario: Where’s the what now?
MB: … *giggle*
Shadow Mario: Ok, let me try this again.
He grabs another Mole kid.
Mole Kid: MOMMMYYYY!!!
Five minutes later… again.
Shadow Mario: Best, ride, ever!
Yux: You forgot the Star again, didn’t yoo?
Shadow Mario: … Whoops. Let’s try this one more…
MB opens fire on the line, killing thousands.
Shadow Mario: … Never mind.
They head inside and walk over the corpses of Croco, Crooks, Moles, and Punchinello 2.0 to grab the Star.
Yux: And that’s a rap. Good job today, folks. I’ll see you tomorrow…
Shadow Mario: Not so fast, skippy. We’ve cheated the fans out of chapters for WAY to long! We’re going to have to put in some overtime today!
Everyone including the fans groan. The team head to Booster’s Tower.
Yux: Have you noticed that the entire first half of this chapter is nothing but dialogue and zero action scenes?
MB: *giggle* It’s just like Pirates of the Caribbean 3!
Yux: HA! We just burned you, Disney!
Shadow Mario: But she has a point. We need to keep up with this FF main theme!
Everyone but Shadow Mario: Randomness!
Shadow Mario: I was kind of talking about the whole not updating for years thing, but randomness works too. So how should we start this…?
He falls into a cannon and gets blasted to Booster’s Tower.
Shadow Mario: Pain…
He falls and lands on Wario.
Shadow Mario: Thank goodness I landed on a fat guy.
Wario: Hey!
Yux: You can’t hide what you are, Fatty.
Shadow Mario: How did you get here so fast?!
MB: *giggle* Good question! You see…
Wario: Not now! I’m trying to knock down this door so I can save Daisy!
MB turns the doorknob. It obviously opens.
Wario: … Shut up.
Shadow Mario: Daisy’s here?
The whole tower starts shaking.
Daisy: WHERE’S MY CHOCOLATE?!
Shadow Mario: Yup, that’s her.
Wario: I suggest we join forces to rescue my… I mean our girlfriend. Hehehe…
Shadow Mario: Sure. And I promise not to throw you off the tower when we rescue her.
Wario: And I promise the same thing… Yeah.
MB: *giggle* Me three!
Everyone: …
Wario has joined the party! Now where’s the chips and dip?! You can’t have a party without chips and dip!
Shadow Mario: Great! But first…
Shadow Mario opens up the Menu screen and changes MB out for Wario.
Yux: Where did MB just go right now?
Shadow Mario: Does anyone care?
Everyone: No.
Yux: So how do we do this now? Do we go in through the front door, guns a-blazing, or do we scale the wall? Or possibly…
Shadow Mario sets the place on fire.
Yux: … Why is it I’m the one with the fire breath, but you’re the one who’s a freaking pyromania?!
Shadow Mario: Fire’s pretty…
Yux: … Hey, isn’t grease flammable? You should stay away from the blaze, fatty.
Wario: Oh come on! I’ve been here for less then a minute and already you’re calling me a fatty. The world really needs to learn to be more openminded about these things. And furthermore…
Wario bursts into flames.
Yux: Told you so.
Shadow Mario gives Wario’s corpse a Pick-Me-Up.
Wario: *gasp* What the @#$$% was that?!
Shadow Mario: A drink with so much caffeine in it that it can raise the dead!
He throws the still full pop can into a nearby graveyard.
Shadow Mario: Now let’s see if Daisy survived.
They step over the charred remains of random monsters to find Daisy.
Daisy (with a destroyed dress and no hair): Why can’t you two leave me alone?!
Shadow Mario: Because I love you, baby.
Wario: You know you want to WarioWare with me, honey.
Daisy (healed, IT’S A MIRACLE!): Ok, two things. One, those were the worst pickup lines EVER. And two, you two are not my type at all.
Shadow Mario and Wario: WHAT?!
Daisy: Yeah. HE’S more my type.
Booster bursts out of the burning ashes and hugs Daisy.
Booster: Booster happy Sky Girl #2 ok.
Daisy: He actually cares about me! Unlike you two, who didn’t even try to save me this past year!
Shadow Mario: It wasn’t my fault! Blame the lazy author!
Author: Don’t blame me! Blame my short attention span PEANUTS RULE!
Yux: I blame the schools.
Booster: Let’s get married! I have discount card at local marry place!
Daisy: Sure!
Everyone: WHAT?!
Shadow Mario: You make absolutely no sense to me, women!
Daisy: It’s not like I’m going to stay with him. I’ll just divorce him right away and get half his stuff. He owns a hill, for goodness sake!
Booster caries Daisy to Marrymore.
Wario: … I give up.
Yux: Yeah. We might as well. There’s not even a Star in it for us. So let’s just call it a day and-
Shadow Mario grabs Yux with one hand and looks at him face to face.
Shadow Mario: We’re going to Marrymore whether you like it or not!
Wario: But she just said that she doesn’t like you!
Shadow Mario: I’m a very desperate Shadow replica, Wario! If I let this woman get away then I’ll be lonely for the rest of eternity.
Yux: You could always try to get back together with the Shadow Queen…
Shadow Mario: And gain custody of the kids?! No way!
Baby Death Hands burst from the shadows to hug Shadow Mario.
Death Hand Babies: We love you, Papa!
Shadow Mario: And I love you too, but this isn’t our weekend. I’ll see you next millennium!
Wario and Yux: …
Shadow Mario: Now after that retard!
Wario gives chase on his motorcycle while Shadow Mario rides on his paintbrush, witch style.
Shadow Mario: Fly, my stupids! FLY!
Yux: We have feelings too, you know…
Wario: We’re gaining on them!
Wario hits a bump and goes flying into the sky.
Wario: My last words are “Where the @#$% is my Wario Land Wii game?!”
Yux: Lame.
Shadow Mario: Their going into a tunnel!
Yux: Where did that come from?
Shadow Mario: Oh, like you care. Let’s fly over it and wait for them to come out.
Yux: That was the smartest thing you’ve ever said.
Booster: Blue hurty man going to catch us!
Daisy: Not if I have anything o say about it!
She pulls out a laptop and some reading glasses. She hacks into the tunnel’s computer. Two minutes later…
Shadow Mario: (hovering) They can’t hide in there forever… What the @#$% is that?!
A car flies out of the tunnel, hits a bump, and crashes into Shadow Mario.
Booster: (running by the carnage) Wheeee!!!
Yux: You threw a car at him?!
Daisy: I was out of bullets : )
Yux: …
As Booster and Daisy walk away, Shadow Mario pulls himself out of the wreckage.
Shadow Mario: After them!
Yux: You sure we shouldn’t get you to a hospital first?
Shadow Mario (limbless): It’s just a flesh wound. Let’s go!
They arrive in Marrymore, duh.
Wario (stuck on top of the inn): Um… A little help?
Wario’s bike explodes, sending him falling to the ground.
Wario: Never mind…
Random Toad: Two strangers have locked themselves inside the chapel!
Yux: Let’s hurry to the chapel!
Shadow Mario: Slow down, Y. We need to sleep at the inn first to regain our Heart Points.
Wario: And our Flower Points!
He steals a flowerpot and eats the flowers.
Wario: Sweet, sweet Flower Points…
Yux: We don’t have time!
Shadow Mario: … Wow. You really don’t know the first thing about RPGs, do you?
Yux: …
They head inside the inn. Two days later…
Wario: That was-a great!
Shadow Mario: Maybe for you, but I had to share my room with some green- cloaked dude who wouldn’t stop making this weird music…
Yux: I’ll admit that the inn was great, but those two are probably long gone by now.
Random Toad: Two strangers have locked themselves inside the chapel!
Shadow Mario and Wario smile cheekily at Yux.
Yux: … Man I hate you guys.
Shadow Mario: I know. Now… CHARGE!
They ram the door, which was electrified.
Shadow Mario: Oh for the love of…
Wario: What now?
Yux: We could-
Shadow Mario: That idea’s stupid.
Yux: I haven’t even said it yet.
Shadow Mario: Exactly!
Yux: …
Shadow Mario: Use the randomizer, Yux!
Yux: Why do you always resort to that when we come across a simple problem?
Shadow Mario: Because shut up!
Yux: … RANDOMIZE!
He glows, then stops.
Yux: The good news is…
Two summoning circles appear on the ground.
Yux: These will summon two incredibly strong creatures to help us get inside!
Wario: That sounds great!
Yux: But that’s the bad news, too. You see…
Blaze and Pink Yoshi appear out of the summoning circles.
Shadow Mario: Oh @#$%!
Blaze and Pink stare each other down. Then they turn to the group.
Shadow Mario and Co: *gulp*
Pink and Blaze: Do you like Yoshis?
Shadow Mario and Co: Um… Yes?
Blaze gets angry.
Shadow Mario and Co: … No?
Pink gets angry.
Shadow Mario and Co: … Maybe?
Pink’s eyes turn icy. Blaze’s eyes start burning red.
Shadow Mario and Co: DUCK AND COVER!!!
Shadow Mario: Thank you, Crazy Koopa, for this idea! NOW EVERYONE RUN FOR YOUR MEANINGLESS LIVES!!!
Everyone runs towards the chapel’s main door, killing thousands. Using the corpses as a battering ram, the crew get inside the chapel just in time to see a huge meteor hit the ground and Pink smashing it in half.
Wario: That was a close one…
Shadow Mario: (choking Yux) Why, do, you, always, mess, up, my, FF?!
Yux: Because, you, tell, me, to!
Shadow Mario: LIES!
Wario: There they are!
Toad: Do you, Booster, take Princess Daisy to be your wife ‘til game over do you part?
Booster: Booster says yes!
Toad: And do you, Daisy, take Booster to be your husband ‘til game over do you part?
Daisy: I…
Shadow Mario starts jumping in slow motion.
Shadow Mario: (slowly) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo…
Wario and Yux walk and float around Shadow Mario while he slowly descends.
Yux: Daisy, you should really reconsider.
Wario: He’s right! I mean, come on! Look at him!
Booster can be seen picking his nose while Shadow Mario is still trying to slowly fall on him.
Booster: Who wants nose candy?!
Shadow Mario: (slowly) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo…
Daisy: … You may have a point. But I’m going to divorce him right away anyways, so why should I care?
Toad: Actually we abolished people’s right to divorce here in the Mushroom Kingdom years ago.
Daisy: WHAT?!
Toad: Yeah. There were way too many people trying to steal people’s stuff. So to preserve our peaceful society, we abolished that right. Everyone’s been ten times happier ever since.
Daisy: … That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard.
Shadow Mario: (slowly) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo…
He falls on the ground.
Shadow Mario: So the wedding’s off?
Daisy: Yeah, the wedding’s off.
Booster: But Booster love pretty sky lady! Me love you long time and… *gasp* A BEETLE!!!
He jumps out the window and into the fiery battlefield created by Pink and Blaze.
Daisy: And that’s the end of that.
Chef Torte: Zorry to haf kept you vaiting. Heir ist cake... But... where are bride und groom? Za bride ist LEAFING? But... there won't be anyone to eat zees cake!
Shadow Mario: Man I love copying and pasting.
The cake comes alive and eats the two chefs.
Wario: Wow! Who saw this coming?
Everyone raises their hand.
Wario: … Lame.
Yux: What could have caused this cake to come to life?
Daisy: I think I found the answer.
She holds up a Pick-Me-Up.
Shadow Mario: How did that get here?
Yux: ZOMBIESSSS!!!
Zombie: BRRRRREEEEEIINNNNSSSSSS!!!!
Shadow Mario: Great, so we’re about to be killed by zombies, a cake, a Yoshi hater, and a Yoshi lover.
Yux: I’d say that this was a pretty nice comeback for this FF, huh?
Shadow Mario: Could have been better.
Wario: Should we start, you know, fighting?
Shadow Mario: I guess. Are you going to help us, Daisy?
Daisy: Um… no. I don’t have to join the party ‘til after this fight.
Shadow Mario: (readying his paint brush) Of course you don’t. Everyone ready?
Wario: (pulling out a Wiimote) I’m good.
Yux: (lighting a screaming Mini-Yux on fire) Same here.
Shadow Mario: Ok then. CHARGE!
The screen goes blank.
Wario: What the?
Yux: We must have run out of time.
Shadow Mario: That’s fine. I like cliffhangers anyways.
Fans: We don’t.
Shadow Mario: Does it look like we care about our fans?
Fans: …
Author: Thank you, everyone who chose to read this instead of Harry Potter 7. Really, it was bad timing on my part.