Here’s the list
of people who saved this dead horse of a FF! And… nothing's changed. YOU
SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!! I’m talking about the people on this
list too!
Armored Potato
Chokoyoshi
Crazy Koopa
Dark Yoshi 123
Joshua P.T.
Piranha
Now enjoy your
poorly made FF.
Chapter 5: 2 more @#$% chapters. Thank DAD it’s almost over.
Daisy: … Are you done crying yet?
Shadow Mario: *sniff* I guess…
Yux: Great. So out of seven we have five stars filled with pure evil…
Star #1: Raise taxes!
Star #2: Communism! Communism! Communism!
Star #3: Cash in Movie based Games are the best!
Star #4: Who plays Hardcore games anymore? Long live Casual games on the Wii!!
Star #5: Jack Thompson forever!
Yux: I wish they didn’t do that.
Shadow Mario: Me too, Yux… Me too.
Daisy: (with glasses on and laptop out) According to the Internet, there has been a sighting of a star in Monstro Town. I know that we can get there by going to Land’s End. Let me pull up Mapquest…
Shadow Mario: No need. I know where that is!
Daisy: You sure?
Shadow Mario: Sure I’m sure! Now let’s just organize the party here before he go…
He opens up the Party Menu and switches out Yux for the corpse of Wario.
Shadow Mario: Whoops. I guess I forgot to rez him. Do we have any Pick-Me-Ups left?
Daisy: Nope, but I haven’t seen anyone in this whole town since what’s-his-face had robo cancer. Since there’s no one here, let's just raid the stores for stuff.
Shadow Mario: I would, but that talking building over there keeps screaming at me.
Building the Townspeople are in: Don’t steal our stuff or we’ll get you! Oh, and LET US OUT!
Shadow Mario: Yes, talking freak building. We all want to get out of this place we call life, but I cannot be your mercy angel.
Building: …
Shadow Mario: I guess I’ll just have to do something even unholier to resurrect him.
He starts drawing a circle in the ground with some triangles in it.
Daisy: Oh @#$%&, I know where this is going. I’m getting out of here.
She leaves.
Shadow Mario: What? It’s just simple forbidden alchemy. What could go wrong?
Three minutes and tons of flashy lights later...
Shadow Mario: (missing a leg) Ok, that was a dumb idea.
Daisy: Yes it was. Did you heal Wario at least?
Shadow Mario: Well…
Wario's face is upside down, his limbs are stretched out and bent in all directions, and he is bleeding from his eyes.
Wario: KILL ME!!!
Shadow Mario: After I went through all that trouble to rez you? No way. Just walk it off.
Wario: But I’m a monster!
Shadow Mario: I’m a see-through blue Mario replica, Yux is a floating Y, MB is a demon possessing a Barbie Doll, and Daisy…
Daisy: Say it and die.
Shadow Mario: …is a lovely young lady. You’ll fit right in.
Wario coughs up bloody red stones.
Shadow Mario: Ignoring that, let's get going!
They jump into a tiny boat and sail away.
Shadow Mario: Yo ho and a bottle of rum…
Censoring People: …
Shadow Mario: I mean a bottle of Poison Mushroom brew.
The censoring people give him the thumbs up, then sail away.
Shadow Mario: Stupid censoring board.
Daisy: Why are we taking a boat to get to Land’s End?
Shadow Mario: Wait… Land’s End? Is that where we need to go?
Daisy: Yes. What did you think I meant?
Shadow Mario: World’s End.
Daisy: … My DAD you're retarded.
Censoring People: …
Daisy: I mean mentally disabled.
They give the thumbs up and leave again.
Wario: WATERFALL!!! … YAY! DEATH WILL COME SOON TO ME!
Shadow Mario: At least we’ll die the way we lived, screaming.
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The End!
…………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………
You still there? Good.
Three weeks later, in the middle of the ocean, after the small boat bursts out of the water.
Shadow Mario and Co: *gasp* Freedom!
Daisy: I can’t believe your plan to turn the boat upside down worked!
Shadow Mario: Me neither!
Daisy: …
Shadow Mario: Too bad about Wario though…
Daisy: Yeah…
Wario: (healed) Um… Guys? I’m still alive.
Shadow Mario: That’s what we meant, fatty.
Wario: …
They sail the boat back to Seaside Town and travel to Land’s End by Overworld Map.
Shadow Mario: Let’s see… There are talking clouds, giant bees, balloon monsters, and tons of oversized lizards. Why do all the enemies in this game look like they were born near a nuclear power plant?
Wario: Do not question the way of god!
Censoring People: …
Wario: I mean DAD.
Thumbs up and leave.
Shadow Mario: Anyways… I’ll question it as much as I want!
Lightning strikes him, knocking him backwards into a cannon, which fires him to an area that is full of lizard-firing cannons.
Shadow Mario: This isn’t so bad.
Did I mention that they’re Vampires Lizards?
Vampire Geico Lizard: I want to suck your blood… and help you save money on your car insurance.
Shadow Mario: Oh for the love of DAD, why does this stuff always happen to me?!
DAD: Because I just don’t like you.
Author: And neither do I, but I need him to finish this stupid thing.
Shadow Mario gets sucked up into a sand whirlpool and lands on Wario.
Shadow Mario: Thanks again, fatty.
Wario breaks down into tears.
Censoring People: …
Shadow Mario: What?! He is a fatty!
The Censoring People think about this for a second, then they give the thumbs up and leave.
Shadow Mario: So how did you get down here?
Daisy: Do you really want to know?
Shadow Mario: No.
Daisy: Then let's move on.
Wario: But what about all the Vampire Lizards?
Shadow Mario paints some Piranha Plants into existence. They eat all the Lizards.
Fans: It’s about time he did something with the Piranha Plants!
Shadow Mario: And you finally did something with the shut the Underwhere up!
The Censoring People give the thumbs up and leave. They move on to Belome’s Palace.
Shaman#1: All hail the eternal Belome!
Shaman#2: He is all-knowing!
Shadow Mario and Yux: BELOME?!
Wario: Don’t act like you know who that is.
Shadow Mario and Yux: …
Shadow Mario: Wait a minute… How did you escape the evil Menu Screen?
Yux: I switched with Daisy. She called in sick.
Shadow Mario: Well good for her.
Shaman#1: Hit these statues and get your fortune read!
Yux: How does that work?
Shaman#1: We don’t know or care. NOW HIT IT OR BELOME WILL EAT YOU!
Shadow Mario: Fine. Whatever.
The three of them hit the statue’s tongues.
Wario: Mine says that Waluigi is going hand me over to the authorities for all the stuff I stole…
Yux: Haha!
Shadow Mario: Mine says that I’m not going to be in Shady’s next FF…
Yux: Haha again!
Shadow Mario: What does yours say?
Yux: Well let me just open this thing up and see…
Shadow Mario: …
Shaman #1: …
Shaman #2: …
Wario: …
Yux: … I’m going to die in seven days.
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Yux: (crying) I HATE YOU ALL!!!
Shaman #3: I have returned from the great Belome! He wishes… *shows his missing hands* TO EAT US ALL!!! YAY!!!
The three Shamans jump off the elevator to their deaths.
Shadow Mario: Okay...
They go down the elevator and enter Belome’s chamber.
Belome 2.0: Me hungry! Me must eat!
Yux: Why are you 2.0?
Belome 2.0: Me 25% cyborg now!
Yux: Oh… Well here’s some batteries.
Belome 2.0: Yay!
He eats them and explodes into a switch.
Wario: How does that work?
Shadow Mario: I have no idea, but I’m not about to question it.
They hit the switch and enter Monstro Town.
Shadow Mario: *gasp* Oh no! An enemy!
He crushes the storekeeper Goomba.
Shadow Mario: Oh no! Another one!
He crushes the mouse thing with the Thump.
Yux: Wait, Shadow Mario! They're not-
Shadow Mario: ENEMYS!!!!
He rips the mimic item chest in half, and then chops the Toad into bits with the weird fan monster.
K-9: Hey! Can you jump over 100 times in a row?!
Shadow Mario: Sure I can! *starts jumping on the K-9 'til it dies* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9…
Censoring Person #1: Ok, there is NO way we can show this stuff!
Censoring Person #2: Quickly, switch to the happy bunny!
Happy Bunny: (singing) Oh I’m a happy bunny! Happy bunny! Happy bun-
Shadow Mario snaps Happy Bunny’s little neck.
Censoring Person #3: OH MY DAD!
Three censored hours later…
Yux: Are you done yet?
Shadow Mario is soaked in blood and standing on the corpses of Culex, the Three Musty Fears, and Jinx.
Shadow Mario: I think I am…
He crushes an ant.
Shadow Mario: Now I’m done.
Wario: Now where is the Star?
Shadow Mario: I think this is what the Internet meant.
He holds up the corpse of a dead starfish.
Yux: Great. Now where do we look?
Shadow Mario: Well there’s an intimidating volcano over there in the distance… It’s probably in there.
Yux: You waited 'til now to tell us this?!
Shadow Mario: Yup : )
Yux: …
Sky Troopa: What the Underwhere happened here?!
Shadow Mario gives him a fifty-dollar bill.
Shadow Mario: Nothing, that’s what.
Sky Troopa: Whatever you say, Mister Moneyman.
Yux: Where did you get that dollar?
Wario: Where’s my wallet?! … YOU!
Wario jumps at Shadow Mario, which is a pretty impressive feat for that fatty.
Wario: You're next, Mr. Narrator!
I’d like to see you try, lardy. Shadow Mario quickly opens up the Pause Menu and switches Wario for MB, who falls on him.
MB: *giggle* It’s about time you brought me out of that limbo!
Shadow Mario: (Out of breath) Get… off… of… me…
MB: *gets off of him and giggles* Sorry.
Shadow Mario: Holy Goombas Batman! You weigh a literal ton!
MB: *giggle* Well I am carrying a couple bazookas, rifles, and grenades.
Yux: How can you carry so much weight?
MB: It’s simple. I just choose not let the weight affect me.
Yux: … That actually makes more sense then most of the stuff that happens to us.
Shadow Mario: Sadly true. Now…
He puts a gun up to the Sky Troopa’s head.
Shadow Mario: Take us to the next area that we don’t know about but you do!
Sky Troopa: I do?
Shadow Mario: Yes, you do.
Sky Troopa: Oh.
He carries them to the cliff at Land’s End.
Shadow Mario: … Why have you stopped?
Sky Troopa: Well it’s time for a jumping mini-game!
Shadow Mario: My gun says otherwise.
Gun: Yeah, you’d better do what he says, because I shoot bullets… and bullets hurt.
Sky Troopa: Really?
Gun: Really really.
Sky Troopa: Ok…
He carries the crew to the top of the cliff.
Yux: Wait… Weren’t we complaining about MB’s weight just a little bit ago? How come she’s light enough now to be carried around?
Shadow Mario: Shhhhhh! Don’t let logic hear what you just said, or else it will…
Logic: Wow, I totally forgot about that! I know how to fix this!
The Sky Troopa’s brain explodes, causing the group to crash in Bean Valley.
MB: Darn you, logic! DARN YOU!! *giggle*
Shy Away: La dee dah! I love watering my plants!
A three-headed Piranha Plant sprouts from the warp pipe.
Yux: What the Underwhere are you giving them?!
Shy Away: Why, just ordinary water : )
Yux: From where?
Shy Away: From over there la dee dah!
The Shy Away points to a lake with a pipe pouring green liquid into it.
Smileax: Raaaaaawwwwwwwwrrrrr!!!
MB: *giggle* Come on, it’s just a flower. We can take it, Shadow Mario… Shadow Mario?
Shadow Mario: (with swollen face) I think I might be allergic to it…
MB: To a radioactive plant? *giggle*
Shadow Mario: Yup…
Yux: I’ll take care of it.
He blows fire at Smileax, catching it and the Shy Away on fire.
Yux: (singing) We didn’t start the fire! But we keep it burning since the world's been turning…
Shadow Mario slaps Yux.
Yux: What was that for?
Shadow Mario: (face healed) You are not allowed to sing until the end of the next chapter, which we will end with another musical!
Yux: …
They start to climb the beanstalk to the sky. Why? Why not?
Yux: It’s times like this that I’m glad that I can fly.
Shadow Mario: Shut up, Yux, and carry our heavy stuff.
MB: *giggle* Yeah!
They throw all the bags on Yux.
Yux: Too… heavy… *looks in the bags* Wait a minute… Shadow Mario, why is your bag full of rocks?
Shadow Mario: It’s not rocks! It’s Rock Candy! The candy that can kill people! And it’s cinnamon flavor!
Yux: What is wrong with this world? The soda can raise the dead, honey contains magical powers, and candy can kill people!
Shadow Mario: What was that, Yux? I wasn’t listening. I was too busy making fun of this fatty.
Heavy Koopa: I’m not fat! I’m just big-boned…
MB: *giggle* Then why is your name “Heavy” Koopa?
Heavy Koopa: Well… you see…(crying) I’m a fatty!
He opens up his mouth and eats thousands of birds that just happen to be flying by.
Shadow Mario: At least he admits his fatness instead of denying it like Wario.
Wario (from the Party Menu): HEY!
Shadow Mario, MB, and Yux climb up to the entrance of the hot springs.
Nimbus: Sorry. Only royalty can enter here, and you don’t look royal enough.
Shadow Mario: … What?
Yux: Oh no.
MB: (*giggle* What?
Shadow Mario: Not… royal enough?!
All the clouds turn black and evil-like.
Shadow Mario: Sir, I used to be the Shadow Queen’s husband, meaning I used to be the SHADOW KING!!! I have enough power to crush your head over and over for all eternity!!! So I suggest stepping aside.
Nimbus: You don’t scare me.
Shadow Mario’s face turns upside down and grows horns on his chin. His arms turn into tentacles and start dripping poison.
Nimbus: … So I just wet myself, big deal. That doesn’t mean I’m scared. I just had to go.
Shadow Mario: (normal) Just move aside.
Nimbus: I can’t. I’m an NPC.
Shadow Mario: Darn it! Let's keep moving and see if there’s another way past him.
MB: … *giggle*
Shadow Mario: If you giggle one more time, I’m going to push you off the cloud.
MB: …
Shadow Mario: There you go.
They head to Nimbus land.
Yux: Oh my DAD, is that who I think that is?!
Mallow: Yux!
Yux: Mallow!
MB: …
Shadow Mario: How do you know him?
Yux: I know him from college.
Shadow Mario: I thought that was Pennington.
Yux: Look, I did a LOT of stuff in college that I’m not too proud of…
Flashback time!
Mallow: Want to play PS1?
Yux: Sure.
End lousy Flashback!
Yux shivers.
Yux: … But it did let me meet a lot of different people.
Mallow: Anything I can help you with?
Yux: Yes. We need to get to Barrel Volcano because it’s big and scary. This means that what we want is in it. Can you help us out?
Mallow: Sure! I’ll give you this crest, and the guard will let you pass.
Yux: Great! Then…
Shadow Mario stabs Mallow with a knife and sets the whole town on fire.
Yux: What was that for?!
Shadow Mario: He was a Mario partner! And all Mario partners must be destroyed!
Yux: I thought we stopped doing that after the first FF.
Shadow Mario: Well you thought wrong! Now where can we find Geno…
MB: …
Yux: I like her ten times better this way.
They head back to the hot springs.
Nimbus: You again? What do you want?
Shadow Mario cuts the Nimbus’s throat with the crest.
Shadow Mario: We… Darn it, I forgot my witty response to his last words. Oh well.
He jumps headfirst off the cliff and into the volcano.
MB: …
Yux: “…” indeed.
They jump in and land safely on a springboard.
Yux: Where are all these springboards coming from?
Shadow Mario: Who knows. Wait, there’s something written on it. “Here lies Sproing-Oing. May his springiness never be forgotten.”
Boing-Oing: (crying) Why did you have to die?! WHY?!
MB puts a flower on Sproing-Oing’s grave.
Boing-Oing: *sniff* Thank you.
The flower catches on fire, and then the Boing-Oing explodes.
MB: Why does everyone we meet explode?! *giggle*
Shadow Mario: What did I tell you not to do?!
MB: I’m sorry! *giggle* I didn’t mean to giggle! *giggle* Its all this doll’s doing! *giggle*
Shadow Mario: Feel my wrath!
He switches MB for Daisy.
Daisy: Why did you bring me out?! I called in sick!
Shadow Mario: You don’t look so sick.
Daisy pukes.
Shadow Mario: I’m still not buying it.
They move on through the volcano, fighting many enemies.
Yux: Ok. I understand the talking fireballs…
Blaze: Hi.
Shadow Mario: OMD cameo!
Yux: And I understand the Dry Bones and all the other stuff. But what’s with the monkeys?
Chained Kong: Help! I was chained here by DK for stealing his style!
They walk past him.
Chained Kong: Don’t leave me! I’m so lonely…
They arrive at Hino Mart.
Hinopio: Can I help you?
Daisy: Why did you set up shop in a volcano?
Hinopio: Why didn’t I set up shop in a volcano?
Random Adventurer: It’s time to slay the Dragon!
Hinopio: Whatever you say, hero boy. But buy some equipment first.
Random Adventurer: Ok!
He buys some stuff and goes off to kill the eternal Czar Dragon.
Three minutes later…
Random Adventurer: I have slain the dragon! Time to collect my reward!
The evil Star floats out of the Czar Dragon’s remain. Shadow Mario throws the adventurer into the lava and is about to grab the Star when a flash of light passes over it and grabs it. That light turns out to be…
Shadow Mario: Oh my DAD, it’s the Power Rangers!
Yux: …
Shadow Mario: … What? That was a funny joke.
Daisy: Yeah, but it’s been done too much.
Shadow Mario: Good point.
Zeo Axem Red: We’re the Zeo Axem Rangers, and we claim this Star in the name of Smithy 2.0!
Zeo Axem Pink: And now we retreat to the Axe!
Zeo Axem Black: Our really cool getaway vehicle!
Shadow Mario: Don’t kid yourself. If Mario could take down your stupid little flying ship, then we shouldn’t have any problem.
Zeo Axem Green: Who said it was a flying ship?
Zeo Axem Yellow: That’s right! We modified it into…
Zeo Axem Rangers: A megazord!
A giant robot smashes the top of the volcano and grabs the Zeo Axem Rangers.
MB: *giggle* How are we going to beat that thing?!
Wario: It’s huge!
Shadow Mario: Like your stomach.
Wario: Hey!
Shadow Mario: Wait… Who let all of you out?
Daisy: It’s a cutscene. We’re allowed out for cut scenes.
Shadow Mario: Oh yeah. Well if they're fighting with a megazord, then we’re just going to have to fight fire with fire!
Yux: Oh please tell me we’re not going to do what I think we’re going to do.
Everyone but Yux: It’s morphing time!
Yux: I HATE YOU ALL!
Wario: Mastodon!
Yux…
Shadow Mario: (with gun) Say it!
Yux: *sigh* Pterodactyl…
MB: Triceratops! (*giggle* Man I hate that)
Daisy: Saber-Toothed Tiger!
Shadow Mario: Tyranosaurus!
Wario: (Black Ranger) Man these spandex really ride up on ya.
Daisy: (Yellow Ranger) And they give you no breathing room!
MB: (Blue *giggle* Ranger) But at least they look cool!
Yux: (Pink Ranger) Right… WHY AM I THE @#$% PINK RANGER?!
MB: *giggle* Because pink doesn’t look good on me! That’s why!
Shadow Mario: (Red Ranger) Silence, my minions! Now use the randomizer, Yux!
Yux: I thought we were going to fight him in a magazord.
Shadow Mario: Sorry, but we ran out of money for a megazord. Spandex costs a lot!
Yux: Please, don’t try to explain anything to me ever again. ANOTHER CRAZY KOOPA-SUGGESTED RANDOMIZE, BABY!
He glows, then stops.
Yux: The good news is…
Government Guy: Excuse me, Mister Zeo Axem Red?
Zeo Axem Red: Yes, what is it?
The Government Guys handcuff him along with the rest of the Zeo Rangers.
Government Guy: You’re under arrest for copyright infringement.
Shadow Mario and Co: Oh @#$%!
They throw away their spandex suits.
Government Guy: Take them away, toys!
Government Minion: Did you say toys?
Government Guy: Maybe…
Yux: And the bad news is…
Government Guy: Are you Shadow Mario?
Shadow Mario: Yes?
Government Guy: You and your crew are also under arrest.
Shadow Mario: Oh. Then you must have found our illegal drug crop, right?
Government Guy: Your what?
Shadow Mario: Nothing. So why are you arresting us?
Government Guy: For being naked in public!
Daisy: AHHH!!! You never told us our clothes disappear when me morph!
MB: *giggle* I HATE YOU, PUNY MORTAL!
Wario: Great. I’m never going to find another pair of super large underwear!
Yux: Meh. No skin off my back. I never wear clothes anyway. I am going to miss that eye patch, though.
Shadow Mario: Eww.
The Government Guy takes over the Blade megazord and carries the Zeo Axem Rangers and our Anti-Heroes away…
Narrator: Will they escape?! Where is the next Star?! What will happen to that Star the Zeo Axem Rangers had?! Why is Shady writing this FF so fast?! Where have I been since Chapter 2?! What have I been eating?! How will this FF end?! Did Shadow Mario ever grow back that leg? Tune in next time to find out!