The Dryest Bones: Welcome for yet another stupid portray of The Amazing Race. I have seriously got to get a life... Anyway, you know the drill. Twelve teams of two race all around The Mushroom Kingdom for two million coins... but this time, I'm giving it a twist! Sometimes, the third team will get eliminated, or the seventh, or the first! Also, there will be random obstacles occasionally thrown by my flying, removable arms. Now that that stupid information is out of the way, let's meet the teams. Team one is practically the only people happy to be in this type of fiction again, Team Egg, Yoshi and Birdo!
Yoshi: Yoshi like race. Everyone like Yoshi, so Yoshi always win or else ratings go down!
Birdo: This again... I hope Yoshi and I get married on this one. We're so close now.
The Dryest Bones: The next team signed up by accident. Life would be better without them, Team Mario (uhg), Mario and Luigi. BOOOO!
Boo: Yes?
Luigi: Nooooooooooo! I get stuck on another one of these reality shows with my so-called brother, and I ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING!!! He thinks CHEEESSSSEEE will work this time, he's wrong.
Mario: It's-a-me, Mario! CHEESE! Mamamia!
The Dryest Bones: Next is the team that... no, not HIM! Dang it, stupid higher ratings chart! Next is Team Garlic, Wario and (curses) Waluigi!
Wario: I got a foolproof strategy that will ensure our victory, even with that crybaby-of-a-brother of mine.
Waluigi: NOOOOOOOOOO! I was scared that this would happen! I knew that I'd be stuck in this scary show again! Reality is SCARY! And so is my bro's strategy!
The Dryest Bones: Next we have a team I decided to put in just to scare Waluigi! Next is Team SCREAM, Rudy the Clown and Bogmire.
Rudy: Good, I'm finally in something. Won't it be fun when Waluigi sees me? Plus, I'm gonna win anyway! Especially with that melting shadow guy...
Bogmire: Me... win... clown's skillful... fun... scare... Waluigi! Plus, two million coins ain't so bad either.
The Dryest Bones: Next is sure to be one of the most interesting teams. The only Koopalings not locked in the dungeon, Team Ball (hehe), Ludwig and Lemmy!
Ludwig: Bwahaha!
Zis victory vwill be swift and easy. My sibling's fame vwill
definately get
us fru z first few legs. Zis game is rigged, after all.
The Dryest Bones: LIAR.
Lemmy: Well, I would've been rather paired with Iggy, but I guess life doesn't always work out perfectly. Oh well...
The Dryest Bones: Next is a team that you saw a mile away... Team Puff, Peach and Toad!
Peach: Just Peachy!
I'm still stuck with Toad, and after all I've been through.
Toad, you're
an idiot!
Toad: OK!!! Well, I'm stuck with Peach again. If she abuses me again, that's the last straw!
The Dryest Bones: Finally, a team I actually sorta like (besides Lemmy), Team Koopa, Bowser and Kamek!
Bowser: Well, I got tired of Wart, Kammy was too big of a hag, and Bowser Jr. was in the dungeon, so Kamek was my only option! We'd better win, or else I'll lock Kamek in that capsule again!
Kamek: NO! NOT THE CAPSULE! I sure hope I win, or else... CAPSULE!!!
The Dryest Bones: Now we got the ultimate team of dreams. Observe, Team Bubble, Wart and Shy Guy!
Wart: I sooooo hope this time, I'll get redeemed. Being with Bowser just complicated my status, and Susan is such a whiner. So now, I HAVE THE POWER!!!
Shy Guy: Hi all! I'm so going to win with Master Wart finally by my side. It took long enough! Plus, I was the only one he could trust available...
The screen shows Shy Guy tying up Mouser, Triclyde, Robirdo, Fryguy, and Clawgrip and throwing them off a rocky cliff.
The Dryest Bones: Issues much? Anyway, here's my personal favorite team, Team Big, Boolossus and Giant Dry Bones!
Boolossus: Free again! With another giant undead on my side, NOTHING CAN STOP ME!!!
GDB: Yes! I'm aliiiiiveeeeeeee! Me and The Dryest Bones are buds, so I sure got a shot.
The Dryest Bones: All right, time to spin the wheel of minions to see who goes next with Petey Piranha! And GO!
Petey: ... … … … … … … … STOP!
The Dryest Bones: All right, your partner is Boomerang Bro, Team Muddy!
Petey: Well, that was random!
Boomerang Bro: Hey, I got a name! It's Boomer!
The Dryest Bones: Fine, picky, picky!
Boomer: All right, good (insert positive winning phrase here).
The Dryest Bones: THAT’S IT!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Next team! A team straight from the DS world, Team 64, Goomboss and Chief Chilly!
Goomboss: I will CRUSH everyone under my feet!
Chief Chilly: I sure hope this publicity will boost my fan base! My race is completely unknown, and I'm only in two games! Please, just give me a chhaannnssseee! *sob*
The Dryest Bones: That is the saddest story I ever heard. I'd cry if I had tears! But, that's life ‘cause I'm a bonehead! Our final team hails from the far corners of Sarasaland (or whatever that cursed place is called). Come out Team ?, The King and Tatanga!
Daisy, Toadette, Clawdia, Goomba, Troopa, Paratroopa, and Lakitu: What about us?
The Dryest Bones: Lakitu, you're the cameraman. Everyone else, I just didn't feel like it, so LIVE WITH IT!
The King: What?
Tatanga: I return!
The Dryest Bones: All right, it's time. All teams will meet me by the famous five blocks in level 1-1 IMMEDIATELY!
All teams are there in less than a minute.
Waluigi: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! A CLOWN,
A CLOWN COPTER,
AND TWO GHOSTS! UHG!
Waluigi faints.
The Dryest Bones: All right, I want a nice, clean race from all of you. And just to make it fair, Team Mario will be tied to those blocks for an hour.
Luigi: WHAT?!
Mario: Yipee!!!
Mario ties himself up. Luigi struggles, but cannot get away from The Dryest Bones's army of Red, Dull, Dry, and Dark Bones.
The Dryest Bones: Now that that's all fair…
Goomba 1-1: Excuse me.
The Dryest Bones: OOOOHHHHH! Goomba 1-1 just talked to me!
Lemmy: Lucky!
Goomba 1-1: Yeah, anyway, Team Garlic already has the first clue, and you haven't even said GO yet.
The Dryest Bones:
Oh... GO!
Team Garlic (1st at route marker)
Wario: “Get through level 1-1. The clue is at the flagpole.” Time to unleash my master plan... TAKE ALL OF THE CLUES AND MONEY!!!
Waluigi: (just
waking up) WAHHHHHHH! I'M SCARED OF CLUES... AND FLAGS... AND
PLANS!!!
Team SCREAM (2nd at route marker)
Bogmire: All... clues... gone?
Rudy: Curse that Wario! Besting me again... Hehe, not a problem.
Bogmire: What?
Rudy: We just go to the flagpole. It was simple enough for Mario before, right?
Bogmire: Then... hold... on... me.
Bogmire becomes a shadow clone. Rudy grabs onto him and they fade out of existence. Then, they reappear by the flagpole.
Bogmire: Yes... get... clue.
Rudy: It says fly to the area where Boom Boom first lived. Also, Bogmire can't do that again, or we'll be automatically eliminated.
The Dryest Bones:
Teams must now travel to Grass Land Fortress by flying. The
Boom Boom at
the door will hand them their next clue.
Bogmire: Dang... curse... writer!
Writer: What? It would be really cheap. You'd win every time in less than an hour. Besides, I'm not eliminating you this leg.
Bogmire: Good.
Rudy: TAXI!
SCHEEEECH!
Rudy: To Wing Cap Airlines, quickly!
Team Bubble (3rd at route marker)
Shy Guy: There aren't any clues left!
Wart: CURSES!!!
Wait, let's just look backwards in the script so see where Team
Garlic went.
Wart looks back in the script and sees where the Warios went and what they did.
Wart: Wario stole all of the clues. And we're going to the flagpole.
Shy Guy: Let's boogie.
Team Puff (4th at route marker)
Peach: Get the clue, Toad.
Toad: OK!!!
One second later, Toad returns.
Peach: What took ya? Where's the clue? You're an idiot.
Toad: OK! There aren't any left.
Peach: Great, now what?
Team Muddy (5th at route marker)
Boomer: No clues left.
Petey: So that's why Peach is crying like a baby.
Peach: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Petey: I got it! Let's threaten this Goomba.
Boomer: Brilliant!
Petey: You!
Goomba: What is it, foo?
Petey: Tell me where a fat guy and a crying purple guy went or I EAT YOU!
Goomba: They w...went tto the fl.fl.flagpole.
Petey: Thanks, snack.
Petey eats the Goomba.
Boomer: That was a bit drastic.
Petey: I was hungry. Anyway, TO THE FLAGPOLE!
Team 64 (6th at route marker)
Goomboss: NO CLUES!!!
Chief Chilly: It's all right. I heard Petey yell TO THE FLAGPOLE!
Goomboss: What if I don't feel like it?
Chief Chilly: You'll get to crush a lot of stuff!
Goomboss speeds off all the way to the first Koopa Troopa in an instant.
Chief Chilly: Wait for me!
Team Koopa (7th at route marker)
Bowser: Well, we're not in last! We just passed Peach!
Peach: WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Kamek: My Lord, there is no clue.
Bowser: WHAT?!
A swearing jamboree begins.
Team Ball (still funny! 8th at route marker)
Ludwig: Zere is no clues!
Lemmy: Hey, Dad!
Bowser: Shut up, you...
Lemmy: Jeez. WAIT! We should go to the flagpole!
Bowser, Kamek, Peach, and Toad: Why?
Ludwig: Vhy?
Lemmy: Well, it has to be easy enough for MARIO to figure out, right?
Bowser, Kamek, Peach, Toad, and Ludwig: Oh YEAH!
Lemmy: Let's goooooooo!
All three teams speed off.
Team Big (9th at route marker)
Boolossus: Follow those Koopas and Mushrooms!
Giant Dry Bones: Gotcha.
Giant Dry Bones turns into the Banisher Go-Kart and they speed off.
Team Egg (10th at route marker)
Yoshi: Yoshi think there no clue.
Birdo: Well, you tried, cutie.
Yoshi: Yoshi have idea!
Yoshi takes out a cell phone.
Lady: Hello, Wing Cap Airlines, who are you?
Yoshi: Yoshi is Yoshi!
Lady: Oh, hey Yoshi! What's up?
Yoshi: Yoshi wanna know if any guys with cameras are there.
Lady: No, I don't think...
Rudy and Bogmire come through the door.
Lady: Well, a clown and a ghost with cameras just walked... erm... floated into the door.
Yoshi: Awesome! Can you let them on, and then not let anyone else with cameras on their flight besides Yoshi and Birdo?
Lady: You're so cute! Of course!
Yoshi: YOSHI!
Lady: *giggle* bye!
Hangs up.
Yoshi: To Wing Cap Airlines!
Birdo: Okay!
A Thwomp falls on Team Egg.
Yoshi: What that for?
The Dryest Bones's
Hands: You were going to skip a step. And Birdo agreed. The
Thwomp will come
off when you're in LAST PLACE!
Birdo: But that will be when the Mario Bros. get loose... and then some depending how stupid Mario is today.
Righty: Well by the looks of things, you'll be here all night!
Team Egg: NO!
Team Mario (one hour later, 11th at route marker, but in 10th)
Luigi: No clues.
Mario: FLAGPOLE!!!
Mario goes dashing through the level.
Luigi: Not again!
Team ? (not at route marker)
Tatanga: WE HAD AN HOUR HEAD START, OLD MAN! WE LOST IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
The King: Just eating some cactus, Tennisball.
Tatanga: YOU'RE EATING GOOMBA 1-1! AND THE NAME'S TATANGA! WHY AM I PAIRED WITH THIS IDIOT?
Writer: It boosts ratings. Plus, Daisy said she had to do some things...
The screen shows Daisy sending an army burning down Toad Town while she is evilly laughing.
Tatanga: Well that explains it.
The King: GOLF!
Tatanga: There are golf balls in that box.
The King: YAY!
The King looks in.
Yoshi and Birdo: We're free!
The King: No golf balls!
Tatanga: Let's just follow them. They have golf balls.
The King: YAY!
Team 64 (2nd at Flagpole)
Goomboss: The place where the first Boom Boom lived... Grass Land Fortress!
Chief Chilly: Don't mess up my stache. Let's go! To Paratroopa Airlines!
At Wing Cap Airlines...
Rudy: We'd like two tickets to Grass Land.
Lady: That'll be 100 coins.
Rudy: Ummmmmmmm, a fat, yellow man took all of our money!
Lady: Wait! Mr. Yoshi said to let you on, so go ahead. You get the VIP seats.
Bogmire: YAY... Thank... Yoshi!
Back at the flagpole...
Team Garlic (3rd at route marker)
Wario: What? Third? But we haven't had dialogue in forever.
Waluigi: I'm SCARED of third! And dialogue! AAAGH! I JUST MADE SOME!
Writer: Yeah. Team SCREAM cheated more than you guys, and Goomboss went 50 trillion miles per hour.
Wario: Grass Land!
Waluigi: But I'm SCARED of grass.
Wario: Do it, or I bring the clown back!
Waluigi: Let's go!
Team Bubble (4th at Flagpole)
Shy Guy: OW! Goombas bite!
Wart: Quit being a baby.
Shy Guy: To the place where the first Boom Boom lived. You know where that is, Your Froggyness?
Wart: It's not in Sub-con, so nope.
Shy Guy: Great...
Team Muddy (5th at Flagpole)
Petey: To the place with the first Boom Boom...
Boomer: Grass Fortress!
Wart: Thanks, idiot. Come Shy Guy.
Wart and Shy Guy float away on a bubble.
Petey: Stupid. Anyway, how do you know that?
Boomer: I worked part-time there.
Petey: Oh. Well, let's fly!
Boomer: To Wing Cap Airlines!
Petey: No need, observe!
Petey begins flapping his leaves and starts flying.
Petey: Hop on!
Meanwhile...
Left Foot: Isn't that illegal?
The Dryest Bones: Well, technically, the clue said to FLY, and since Petey and Wart are FLYING, they aren't breaking any rules.
Left Hand: So we can't drop anything on them?
The Dryest Bones: Not right now.
Right Hand: Dang it!
At Wing Cap Airlines...
Lady: Hi, Yoshi!
Yoshi: Where did clowny and ghosty go?
Lady: Grass Land.
Yoshi: Did their plane leave yet?
Lady: It's boarding now.
Yoshi: Can Yoshi get on?
Lady: Sure.
Tatanga: Can we get on that flight too?
Lady: Well, no. Mr. Yoshi specifically said no other people with cameras on the flight.
Birdo: Haha!
Tatanga: Well can I strangle him and then shoot myself with this laser before he dies?
Lady: Sure.
The King: Golf hole!
The King reaches in Birdo's mouth. Tatanga zaps him with his laser.
Tatanga: Now for Yoshi!
Yoshi: OH NO!
Tatanga strangles Yoshi until he almost dies. Then Tatanga zaps himself with his laser.
Yoshi: That *gasp*
was weird.
Team Mario (6th at Flagpole)
Luigi: The place where the first Boom Boom was... Grass Land! Let's-a go, Mario!
Mario: FLAGPOLE!
Luigi: Get down from there!
Mario: FLAGPOLE!
Luigi: NOW!
Mario: FLAGPOLE!
Luigi: I might as well be dead.
Mario: Let's-a go!
Luigi: Wha? Um... okay.
Team Koopa (7th at Flagpole)
Bowser: We're still in seventh, Kamek!
Kamek: My Master, where did your first Boom Boom try to stop Mario?
Bowser: Grass Land Fortress!
Kamek: Then let us go.
Kamek soars off on his broomstick. Bowser summons his Clown Copter and is off.
Team Puff (8th at Flagpole)
Toad: Grass Land Fortress!
Peach: Carry me, slave.
Toad: OK!! (Why can't I say NO!)
Team Ball (I'll stop laughing now. 9th at Flagpole)
Lemmy: Let's just call Larry. He'll tell us where he is.
Larry: Hello?
Lemmy: Hey, it's Lemmy. Do you have the first Boom Boom?
Larry: Yep, he's at the Fortress.
Lemmy: Gotcha. Bye.
Ludwig: Vwait, sibling!
Lemmy: Yeah, Ludwig?
Ludwig: Vwe should go for ze Flutter.
The Dryest Bones: The Flutter is the butterfly form of Wiggler. Whichever team gets to it first will be personally flown by Flutter to the Pitstop of the race. However, each team may only use the Flutter once in the entire race.
Lemmy: Yeah! The disadvantage for the rest of the race will boost our popularity by MILLIONS.
Ludwig: Plus, vwe are far behind.
Lemmy: Okay, the Flutter is in World... -1?
Ludwig: Vwell, we better get to 1-2.
Lemmy: K.
Team Big (Last at Flagpole)
Giant Dry Bonesmobile: To Grass Land, AWAY!
Boolossus: Let's ride!
At Paratroopa Airlines...
Chief Chilly: We'd like to go to Grass Land.
Ice Bully: Oh, Boss! Sure thing. Here's your private Paratroopa Plane.
Goomboss: Nice.
The Dryest Bones: All right, I'm just going to speed up the traveling process with this summary. Teams Egg and SCREAM got the first plane and will arrive at 11:00 AM. Team 64 got their own private plane from another airline, and will be there 15 minutes later. Team Muddy is flying ala Petey Piranha. They will get there at 12:00. Team Koopa has their extremely fast aircraft vehicles and will arrive at 10:30. Team Big is riding the Dry Bonesmobile and will arrive at 12:30. Team Bubble is on Wart’s slow-moving bubbles and will arrive at 1:00. Teams Puff and Garlic got stuck in Yoshi's trap, but will be in Grass Land by 2:00. Team Mario is running for some stupid reason, and will be there last at 3:30. Team Ball is going for the Flutter, and Team ? fried themselves.
The King: Where am I? IT'S A PINK GOLF COURSE!
Tatanga: Alienated to The Moron, over.
The King: Is that you, mommy?
Tatanga: NO, it's your partner! Anyway, I shrunk us onto Yoshi and Birdo. I figure we just let them get to the Pitstop, and then we'll un-shrinkafy ourselves and WIN! Just press that button when I say NOW!
The King: Okay, PUSH!
Tatanga: NOOOOO!
Tatanga and The King appear on Yoshi and Birdo just as their plane lands.
Yoshi: Owwowowowowow!
Birdo: Nooooooooo!
She spits out a crystal.
Tatanga: Dang it. Ah well, let's go to... um, where are we supposed to go?
Rudy: TO GRASS FORTRESS!
Tatanga: Oh, right, Let's go, Kingy.
The King: The plunger goes up and down.
Tatanga: STOP PULLING YOSHI'S TOUNGE!
The King: GOLF BALL!
The King smashes the crystal into one billion pieces.
The King: Hit all the little golf balls!
Tatanga: NOOOOOOO!
In world 1-2...
Lemmy: Do you know where the Minus World is?
Gloomba: Are you crazy?
Lemmy: Am I?
Gloomba: Bye, creep.
Ludwig: We've asked everyone! Now vwhat?
Lemmy: Let's ask one more.
Ludwig: Fine.
Lemmy: Do you know how to get to the Minus World?
Red Koopa Troopa: Yep. Just break all but one of the bricks above that pipe. Then jump backwards into the wall. For some reason, you'll go through it. Then, just go in the first pipe you see.
Lemmy: How do you know this?
Red Koopa Troopa: I saw Mario do it. I just kept thinking he was stupid until I saw him go through a brick wall.
Lemmy: No, he was just stupid lucky. Come on, Ludwig, let's go. Ludwig hits his head on the blocks until there's only one left.
Lemmy: Come on, Ludwig.
Ludwig: CHEESE!!!
Lemmy: So that's how Mario got stupid... BRAIN SURGERY TIME!
Lemmy pulls out a scalpel and gets to work.
Team Koopa (1st at fortress)
Kamek: It's a Pipe Path: Warp or Water?
The Dryest Bones: A Pipe Path is a choice between two warp pipes that lead to specific tasks, each with its own advantages and disadvantages. In Warp, players will be sent to level 1-3 to retrieve the Warp Whistle. Then, they will be sent back to Grass Land Fortress to retrieve the other one. There are only six sets of Whistles. They will have to use both in order to get to Dark Land. The Fire Brother at the gate will hand them their next clue. This one is shorter and easier. However, if the characters weren't in Super Mario Bros. 3 or don't know where the Warp Whistles are, this may be nearly impossible. In Water, teams will be sent to Water Land, my least favorite, and must complete every level, then beat Wendy. To make it harder, we took out all of the Toad Houses and Hammer Bros. After Wendy's defeat, the Water King will hand them their next clue. This one is harder and longer, but you won't have to search for the Whistles.
Bowser: Warp, I know where one of them is.
Kamek: I know where the one in 1-3 is.
Bowser: Then let's go.
Team SCREAM (2nd at Fortress)
Bogmire: Water... I... win... easy.
Rudy: Right, and I don't know where any of those Whistles are.
10 minutes later…
Rudy: This is easy.
A big fish eats them.
Bogmire: Or... not.
Team Egg (3rd at Fortress)
Yoshi: Yoshis die in water! We do Warp.
Birdo: Will you marry me?
Yoshi: Do you have a melon?
Birdo: Ummmmmmm, yes?
Yoshi: Then maybe.
Birdo: YAY!
Team 64 (4th at Fortress)
Chief Chilly: Water, I got an idea.
Goomboss: Better be as good as that first class airline. The Fried Goomba on that plane is great!
Chief Chilly: But you're a Goomba.
Goomboss: SO?
Chief Chilly: Isn't that cannibalism?
Goomboss: Naw, I do it all the time! Even raw! In fact...
Goomboss eats the leader of the Goomba Gang.
Goomba: Our leader! We declare war on... Who do you support?
Goomboss: Ummmmmm, Peach?
Goomba: War on PEACH! We all will join Daisy's army!
Gang: YEAH!
Chief Chilly: Let's GO ALREADY!
Team Muddy (5th at Fortress)
Petey: You know where the Whistles are? I don't like water.
Boomer: Yes, so let's boogie.
Shy Guy: That's my line!
Team Big (6th at Fortress)
Boolossus: Water. 1-3 is too sunny.
Giant Dry Bones: NO, WARP! I'll get moist!
Boolossus: WATER!
GDB: WARP!
Boolossus: WATER!
GDB: WARP!
Boolossus: WATER!
GDB: WARP!
Bickering continues...
In the ocean...
Lemmy: World -1 is World 2-2?
Ludwig: Looks like it.
Lemmy: There's the exit.
Team Ball goes in, but...
Lemmy: We're back at the start?!
Ludwig: Excuse me, sir, how do we end the level?
repoolB (Blooper backwards): .sseldne si level ehT (The level is endless.)
Lemmy: See ya, stupid. Do you know how the level ends?
Flutter: Oh, it's endless.
Lemmy: Dang, now we'll never... find... the... FLUTTER!
Flutter: Oh, there are cameras behind you! Let me take you to Red Brief Volcano, the Pitstop for this leg of the race.
Lemmy: YAY!
Flutter: Hold on tight!
Flutter holds Lemmy and Ludwig's hands. Then, they zoom off at a blur.
Red Brief J: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Welcome!)
The Dryest Bones: Ludwig and Lemmy, you're Team Number 1.
Team Ball (1st at Pitstop)
Lemmy: YAY!
Ludwig: Huzza!
The Dryest Bones: And, as a special prize, you both get a pair of red briefs! Courtesy of Moo Moo Farms. Moo Moo Farms, an associate of Moo Moo Slaughterhouse. Moo Moo Slaughterhouse, we hate pigs. *pig squeels*
Lemmy: Great... You're SO generous.
The Dryest Bones: I know.
In level 1-3...
Kamek: Crouch on this block, Bowser, sir.
Bowser: ALL RIGHT! WE'RE IN THE BACKROUND!
Toad House Guy: Take this magic Whistle.
Bowser: With pleasure.
Bowser: All right, Kamek, TO THE FORTRESS!
At the Fortress...
Bowser: You gotta jump on the Dry Bones and up to the ceiling. Think you can do it, capsule boy?
Kamek: CAPSULE! Okay.
Bowser: Great, now how do we use them?
Kamek: Hit select.
Bowser: But select is at the end of the Angry Sun level.
Kamek: Well, then we better take this pipe there.
Angry Sun: ANGRY! KILL KOOPAS!
Bowser: RUN!!!
Meanwhile...
Team Bubble (7th at Fortress)
Wart: Water, I can swim. Here's a Frog Suit.
Shy Guy: Swimmy!
Team ? (8th at Fortress)
Tatanga: One billion pieces, one billion pieces, one billion pieces, and THEY ALL HIT ME!
The King: Swimmy!
Tatanga: No, we should War... Oh, I give up!
On a doomship...
Bogmire: Shadow Clone Jutsu!
Naruto: Believe it!
Rudy: Ha-ha Happy Knives!
Buggy: Chop-Chop Harpoon!
Wendy: What's with all of the anime people?
Folgore: Hey, hey, hey, let's dance all day! Boing! Boing!
Torpedo Girl: Not funny because... *ding* I'm a TORPEDO!
Kanchume: Invincible Folgore! Brave and Strong Folgore! Invincible Folgore! Will Al...ways save the day! Iron man Folgore!
Kanchume and Folgore: Invincible Folgore! Brave and strong Folgore! Will Al...ways save the day!
Wendy: That's what I mean! UHG!
Wendy gets turned into a cookie.
Buu: Buu like fun Wendy cookie!
Water King: Here's your clue!
Bogmire: Go... to... Greenhorn Ruins!
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel to Greenhorn Ruins from Wario World. That's all I get to say?
Rudy: Bogmire, let's go. The rest of you, go back to your animes!
Kakashi: Hi there.
Sorry I'm late. I must've got lost on the path of life. I'll take the brats
for you. Sharingan! Shadow Clone Harpoon Dance of Iron Torpedo Cookie!
Team Puff (9th at Fortress)
Peach: Get the clue, idiot.
Toad: OK!
Peach: Oooh, Level 1-3 and Fortress! Whistles are fun! Let’s do Warp!
Toad: OK! (Must... resist... killing... urge!)
Team Garlic (10th at Fortress)
Wario: How'd we get from third to tenth?!
Waluigi: I'm SCARED of tenth and third!
Wario: WATER!
Waluigi: But I'm scared of WATER!
Wario: I'll maul you if you don't.
Darth Maul: Soon, you will learn of my power!
Waluigi runs through every level and knocks out Wendy.
Water King: Here's your clue!
Waluigi: But I'm SCARED of clues!
Wario: Greenhorn Ruins, eh? That brings back memories...
Waluigi: But I'm SCARED of memories! And ruins!
Wario: MAUL!
Waluigi: And we're off!
Team Mario (Last at Fortress)
Luigi: Well, Mario, we're doomed.
Mario: Boosketball!
Boolossus (being dribbled): WATER!
Giant Dry Bones: WARP!
Luigi: Let's do Water!
Mario: It's-a me!
Luigi: Come ON!
Mario: Okeydokey.
Yoshi: Yoshi got Whistle!
Birdo: Only one left now! How easy can that be?
Seven go-throughs later...
Birdo: It's hopeless!
Yoshi: Yoshi hungry... Eat Bones!
Yoshi starts to go after the Dry Bones. Dry Bones throws his rib up and Yoshi's tongue forces him to the bone and Whistle!
Yoshi: Yoshi find Whistle!
Birdo: Awesome. Hit select.
Yoshi: Good thing Yoshi has portable Select button!
Team Egg goes to level 9, Warp Zone. Then they go to Dark World.
Fire Bro: Here's your clue, guys.
Yoshi: YOSHI! To Greenhorn Ruins!
Birdo: Let's ride one of my eggs!
Yoshi: YOSHI!
Meanwhile...
Chief Chilly: Haha, I froze all the water!
Goomboss: CHARGE!
Goomboss charges through all of the levels and crushes the doomship.
Crushed Water King: Here's your – ow - clue!
Chief Chilly: To Greenhorn Ruins. SKATE!
In a pipe...
Petey: Hey, Planteo.
Planteo: You want me to get you the Warp Whistle?
Petey: Yep. And the Select button while your at it. Plus access to a one-use portable warp pipe that warps wherever I want.
Planteo: Gotcha.
Boomer: Petey, you're a genius. How'd you get him to obey you like that?
Petey: I gave him a name. My species don't have names unless they’re of a high-ranking order, like Naval, Lava, and Petey. To give him a name was an honor. Also, I gave him a hot dog in deleted scene 12.
Writer: We're not supposed to talk about that!
Planteo comes back in 20 minutes.
Planteo: Here's da goods, man. Sayonara!
Fire Bro: Here's da clue... BOOMER!
Boomer: SCORCHER!
Petey: Harbon McCarlwartsenface. Everyone else got to say a name!
Wart: That's offensive to me.
Petey: Don't care. TO GREENHORN RUINS!
Petey and Boomer somehow go down his two-inch warp pipe to Greenhorn Ruins.
Boolossus: WATER!
Giant Dry Bones: WARP!
Team Bubble gets far until...
Wart: This is eas... GET ME OUT OF THIS FISH!
Shy Guy: Sorry, the Frog Suit's useless.
Wart: Wait... BUBBLE PARTY!
Spongebob and Patrick: YEAH!
Wart blows bubbles and all four of them dance like idiots. However, the poison bubbles knock out Bob, Pat, and the fish.
Wart: Ribbet!
Shy Guy: Let's boogie.
Wart: Hey Wendy! How's my favorite niece?
Wendy: TANTRUM!!!
Wart: Duck and COVER!
Wendy creates a tantrum that shakes all of Water Land until it makes a sonic boom that destroys her last doomship and most of the islands.
Water King: Here's your clue... I guess.
Wart: Greenhorn Ruins.
In a desert far, far away...
Bowser: Can't
keep running for much longer... Losing already low IQ points... Desire
to make macaroni
art?
Kamek: Bowser?
Bowser: Yes, Mommy?
Kamek: I already beat the level. Plus I froze that sun you're pretending to run from a while ago.
Bowser: Well, then let's go!
Scorcher: Here's your clue.
Kamek: When did you get a name?
Scorcher: When Boomer and Petey came here...
Bowser: THOSE LOW-LIFES GOT HERE BEFORE US? RAOR!
Kamek: It's ROAR, sir.
Bowser: Well, let's get to this Green Run place before something happens, like Lemmy finishing in first on this leg!
Writer: He did. He finished hours ago!
Everyone in race besides Team Ball, Team Big, and Mario: WHAT?! (with The King saying it randomly)
Boolossus: WATER!
Giant Dry Bones: WARP!
Mario: Yippee!
Writer: Oops, did I ruin the ending for you?
Mario: Owowowowowow!
Luigi: What happened here?
Luigi looks out at a barren wasteland that used to be Water Land, which was crushed under Wendy's doomship.
Water King: Since there aren't any levels or Wendies left, here's your clue!
Mario: Denny's is better!
Denny: Thank you.
Mario: It's-a-me!
Luigi: GREENhorn ruins. Let's-a go!
Water King: Here's one for you, too.
Tatanga: No need, we heard. GET OUT OF THERE, KINGY!
Tatanga sees The King swimming in broken glass, nails, and pine air fresheners.
The King: Tingly! It feels like my vital organs just stopped functioning!
Tatanga: Can we have a doctor?
Dr. Mario: It's-a me!
Tatanga: Besides Dr. CHEESE idiot over here?
Dr. Mario: Your bill is one CHEESE block!
Tatanga: How would you like a ride in my ship of CHEESE?
Dr. Mario: Yippee!
Tatanga summons his ship and sends Dr. Mario to another galaxy.
Dr. Mario: It's-a me!
Samus Aran: MAKE IT STOP!!!
Tatanga: If I
were smarter, I would've flown in that the whole time. To the
Greenhorn...
um... Golf Course!
The King: I sewed myself up! Let's PLAY GOLF! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Tatanga: Great, dead weight to drag.
Peach: I give up!
Toad: OK!
Peach: You're an idiot! Get run over.
Toad: OK!!!
Toad gets run over by everyone in Koopa Village, Nimbus Land, Smithy's Factory, and the Glitz Pit.
Peach: Let's go to WATER.
Puddle that used to be Toad: OK!!! (Control... knife... in back pocket!)
A Bob-omb drops on Toad.
Toad: OW!
Left Hand: Bringing weapons of the non-Mushroom caliber is strictly prohibited.
Toad: OK!!!
Water King: Here's your clue.
Toad: YAY!!!
Peach: You're still an idiot.
Toad: YAY!!!
Team SCREAM (1st at Ruins)
Rudy: Well it's about time we were in this part of the script!
Bogmire: Clue... says... Freezie.
The Dryest Bones: A Freezie is a task that only one of the team members may perform before getting their next clue. In this Freezie, players must navigate through the ruins until they come upon this gray switch. After hitting it, they must finish the level and defeat the boss, who is guarding a NES IF they hit the switch. Then, they must bring it back to their partner, who will be next to a giant green monkey thing. He will hand them their next clue.
Bogmire: I... do... it. Me... must... prove... self... worthy to appear in a sequel!
Team Muddy (2nd at Ruins)
Petey: You do it. The switch is right on that ledge, which you can hit with your boomerang. The boss will be easier for you (plus you're standing on the gate to him), and you're faster.
Boomer: Gotcha.
Boomer does what Petey told him to do, and then hops in a nearby end-the-level black jewel thingy.
Mean Emcee: It's time for the money or your LIFE game!
Boomer: I thought the scorpion was the boss of this level.
Writer: He is, but I already beat Wario World, so he's in Pecan Sands. Emcee was the only one available.
Boomer: Fine...
The Emcee hides in some cups and shuffles them.
Boomer: I got no time for this.
Boomer tosses out three BOOMERangs, which hit every cup and the Emcee six times.
Emcee: GEORG! I was getting Duck Hunt today, too...
Boomer: YAY, DUCKIES!
Boomer comes out of the ring and hands the NES to the green monkey thingy.
Petey: Next stop is the Pitstop for this leg, Red Brief Volcano.
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now journey to Red Brief Volcano and find my secret alcove inside. This is the Pitstop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here WILL be eliminated.
Petey: Let's fly!
Boomer: NO! It's only, like, ten minutes away.
Petey: Oh... WALKIE TIME!
Team Egg accidentally soars past Greenhorn Ruins, but the egg they were riding on hits their switch. They land on the boss door of Mirror Mannor, Mean Emcee's original level.
Yoshi: Yoshi think we fly to... WOAH!
Yoshi falls in a hole.
Emcee: You'll never beat me!
Yoshi: Forget it!
Yoshi eats his Emcee and grabs the NES.
Yoshi: Birdo, fall in! Yoshi think pipe get us back in race!
Birdo: All right, honey.
Yoshi: Mmmmmmmmmmm… Honeydew Melon...
Team Egg goes in the pipe.
Rudy: When did you two get here?
Yoshi trips and the NES hits the monkey thingy on the head.
Monkey Thingy: Here's your clue.
Yoshi: WOW! The Pitstop! Let's go, melon.
Birdo: It's a start...
Team 64 (4th at Ruins)
Goomboss: GOOMBOSS WILL DO IT!
Chief Chilly: K.
Goomboss just charges through the whole level and destroys everything but the NES. It rebuilds itself instantly, but...
Monkey: Here's your clue!
Rudy: COME ON, BOGMIRE!
Bogmire: I... hit... switch!
Emcee: Now you deal with me.
Bogmire: Major Boss VS Minor Boss. Major... win!
And just like that...
Bogmire: RPG BATTLE!
Bogmire (100 Health)
VS
Emcee (100 Health)
Bogmire: Shadow Half!
Now...
Bogmire: 40 health
Bogmire Clone:
10 health
VS
Emcee: 50 health
Emcee: Dance of
the River attack!
Target: All
Damage: 5
Effect: All become
dizzy.
Bogmire: HAHA! Dizzy... I... don't... get!
Bogmire Attack:
Super Fist of the Nose Hair!
Target: Emcee
Damage: 45
Effect: Does
20 extra damage if user’s name is BOBOBO.
Bogmire Clone
Attack: Shadow Dancer
Target: BOGMIRE?
Damage: 20
No effect
Bogmire: OW!
Emcee Attack:
Hide in cup
Effect: Emcee
is invincible.
Bogmire: DANG IT! NOW WHAT?
Bogmire Clone
attack: Take off cup
Effect: No more
invincibility
Bogmire: Shadow
Eater
Effect: EATS
THE ENEMY ALIIIIVEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Emcee: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bogmire: Won...
You earned 300 experience points.
Rudy: That's great... TO THE VOLCANO!
Team Garlic (5th at Ruin)
Wario: BOO!
Waluigi: WAAH!
Waluigi does what he did in Water Land.
Green Monkey: Here's your... pizza!
Waluigi: I'm SCARED of pizza!
Wario: Red Brief Volcano!
Waluigi: I'm scared of briefs! They gave me nightmares ever since I changed to boxers. WHAT! A VOLCANO! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Waluigi drags Wario and accidentally lands on the mat.
The Dryest Bones: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! UHG! Wario and Waluigi, you're Team Number 2.
Waluigi: I'm SCARED of TWO!
The Dryest Bines: Would you like a stay in the chamber of fire?
Waluigi: Shutting up. But... IM... SCARED OF UP!!!
The Dryest Bones: That's it!
Red Brief J pushes a button and Team Garlic plummets down into a sea of flames, lava, Blarrgs, and flaming Mario dolls.
Team Bubble (6th at ruins)
Wart: I'll do it.
Wart blows a bubble that hits a switch. Then, he blows a bubble in the boss gate and steals the NES!
Green Monkey: Here's your pizza!
Writer: You're fired!
The monkey falls down a bottomless pit for no return.
Captain Skull: Here's yer clue, ARG!
Wart: Hop on, Shy Guy.
Shy Guy grabs onto Wart and with one bounce, they land on the goal.
The Dryest Bones: Wart and Shy Guy...
Wart: I know, we're gone! Boolossus obviously is here. But I had fun...
The Dryest Bones: Ummmmmmmm, you're team number 3!
Shy Guy: BOOGIELICIOUS!
Wart: HOP FOR JOY!
Joy: We will heal
your Pokemon to full health. Would you like to heal your Pokemon?
>Heal
Cancel
Rudy is seen riding his partner, who can't feel a thing, like a sled to the goal.
The Dryest Bones: Rudy and Bogmire, you're Team Number 4!
Bogmire: I... unlive... to race... another... day.
Petey and Boomer limp on to the map.
The Dryest Bones: Petey and Boomer...
Boomer: Second, right?
The Dryest Bones: If that's (insert unknown language here) for your Team Number 5, then you're right!
Petey: Fifth?! We should just walk, he said…
Boomer: Walkie, he said.
Team 64 break through the wall of the volcano and soar onto the mat.
The Dryest Bones: Goomboss and Chief... Puddle?
Chief Puddle (Chief Chilly melted): Just tell us our place, and direct me to a freezer or bucket.
The Dryest Bones: You're Team Number 6.
Goomboss: Where's the Fried Goomba?
The Dryest Bones: In the kitchen?
Goomboss: DINNER TIME!
Yoshi and Birdo come in riding the Egg Express.
The Dryest Bones: Yoshi and Birdo, you're team number 7.
Yoshi: YOSHI! LUCKY 7!
Birdo: How ROMANTIC, CUTIE!
The Dryest Bones: Thanks.
Birdo: Ewwww...
Team Koopa (8th at Ruins)
Bowser: What's with the eighth?
Kamek: Skull boy… Give us a clue or I catch a captain for dinner.
Captain Skull: HAHA! You'll never eat me!
Kamek uses his magic to turn Captain Skull into a 30-foot stuffed turkey with a cranberry pirate hat and mashed potatoes on the side.
Captain Turkey: Ok! Here's your clue!
Kamek: Bowser, sir, you may begin your feast...
Kamek sees that Bowser has eaten the whole thing and is so fat, he's touching the mat with his tail. Kamek walks on...
The Dryest Bones: Bowser and Kamek... you're team number 8!
Team Mario (9th at Ruins)
Luigi: I'll have to do it.
Mario: Pretty!
Mario runs into a Fire Flower. Then he trips on...
Mario: CHEESE!
...which releases eight fireballs. One hits the switch, six defeat the Emcee, and one brings out the NES to Brawl Doll.
Brawl Doll: Here's your CLUE!
Mario: Okeydokey.
Luigi: Let's go, Mario.
Mario: It's-a me!
Mario eats the Doll's halo, which makes it crash into Tatanga and The King, qho land on the mat.
Tatanga: ?
The King: LAVA GOLF! How'd you know?
The Dryest Bones: Team ?, you're Team Number 9.
Tatanga: ?
Mario: Chase the birdies!
Mario dashes into the volcano. Luigi casually walks in.
The Dryest Bones: Team Mario, you're Team 10!
Mario: Yippee!
Luigi: Nooooooooooooooo! I have to endure this ALL OVER AGAIN!
The Dryest Bones: Actually, I can replace you with a robot. You just have to go through the ultimate pain for 11 out of your 12 hours of rest.
Luigi: It's worth it.
Mad Scienstein: Come with me and E. Gadd!
E. Gadd: Luigi, my boy, all of the ghosts escaped!
Luigi: Yeah, I don't care...
Mario sees Wario and Waluigi being tortured.
Mario: Can It's-a-me go in?
The Dryest Bones: Sure?
Wario: WAAAH!
Waluigi: GWAAAAAAAAAA!
Mario: Yippee! Fun to see little red man dolls burn!
Toad throws himself at the switch and at the boss. He falls to his doom, so we have to replace him for the rest of the leg...
Fawful Toad: To the volcano of briefeeness and ARG... Reddness J we must go to. Arg... Red gives me FURY!
Peach: You're a bigger idiot.
Fawful: I see why Miss Cackletta of FURY stole your voiceness of shriekiness. It gives me FURY!
Peach: Let's just go, Toad.
The Dryest Bones: Team Puff, you're Team 11.
Peach: Peachy!
Fawful: FURY!
Boolossus: WATER!
Team Bit (still at Warp Pipe)
Giant Dry Bones: WARP!
Right Foot: You two!
Team Big: YES?
Right Foot: You
took so long arguing, we didn't feel like waiting any longer at the
Pitstop, so you're
both eliminated!
Boolossus: IT'S YOUR FAULT!
GDB: NO, IT'S YOURS!
ZAP!
Right Foot: Hey! Tatanga's laser really works!
Current Standings:
1st: Ludwig and
Lemmy (Team Ball) - NO Flutter
2nd: Wario and
Waluigi (Team Garlic)
3rd: Wart and
Shy Guy (Team Bubble)
4th: Rudy and
Bogmire (Team SCREAM)
5th: Petey and
Boomer (Team Muddy)
6th: Chief Chilly
and Goomboss (Team 64)
7th: Yoshi and
Birdo (Team Egg)
8th: Bowser and
Kamek (Team Koopa)
9th: The King
and Tatanga (Team ?)
10th: Mario and
Luigi (Team Mario)
11th: Peach and
Toad/Fawful (Team Puff)
ELIMINATED: Boolossus
and Giant Dry Bones (Team Big)