CHAPTER 4: THIS ISN’T A TIME TO MESS WITH A TOY BOX! GOSH!
Peach is in her room. She wakes up from last time.
Peach: I’M STILL HUNGRY!
Twink: Are you sure? We got caught last time. It took you the whole chapter to recuperate.
Peach: You’re making me hungry. You won’t like me when I’m hungry.
Twink: … Fine, let’s go.
They go, and accidentally end up in the room where Bowser’s diary once was.
Bowser: So where is the next chapter supposed to be?
Kammy: Shy Guy’s Toy Box. We need to find out what will be the guards.
Bowser: Peach, I know you’re here. Tell me what Mario hates.
Peach: Your face.
Bowser: … Die!
One beating later…
Peach: OKAY! HE HATES THINGS THAT KILL HIM!
Bowser: Perfect! Hag, send minions.
Ha... I mean Kammy: Sure thing.
She flies away.
Bowser: Ha! I’ve improved from my game counterpart by not giving you the chance to pick helpful items! I rule!
Bowser walks off… and slips on a penny.
Peach: MINE!
Peach beats up Bowser for the penny. Bowser beats Peach up worse, and tosses her into her room. She goes through the hole in the door made by the minions earlier. Twink goes to tell the Bros, who have left the woods.
Luigi: Oh my DAD! Shy Guys are going crazy around town!
Twink: Hey! Go to Shy Guy’s Toy Box.
Mario: Where is that?
Twink: In an abandoned, yellow house.
Luigi: Why should we go?! Every Star Spirit so far hates us! And we saw the Peach mini-chapters! She can fend for herself! Why should we bother?!
Twink pulls out a knife, and looks menacingly at the Brothers.
Mario: Oh, forget this!
Mario throws his hammer at Twink, knocking him out.
Luigi: We should have done that chapters ago!
Mario: Yeah!
They go to their house to do whatever, but see Shy Guys taking their things!
Luigi: Darn. If we want our stuff back, I guess we have to go to the Toy Box.
They follow them, and soon enter the Toy Box.
Mario: How’d we shrink?
Luigi: You expect me to know?
Engineer: Help me find a train!
Mario knocks him out with a hammer. The Brothers walk along the tracks, until they get to Pink Station. They walk along until they see Gourmet Guy.
Gourmet Guy: Give me cake!
Luigi: Why?
Gourmet Guy: I’ll kill you if you don’t.
Luigi: WHY DOES EVERYONE ON THIS STINKIN’ PLANET WANT US TO DIE?!
Mario: It seems that in all of P.T.’s Fun Fictions that the main characters can’t stop having their lives threatened. NO! WE WON’T GET YOU SOME CAKE!
Gourmet Guy: Then I shall kill you.
RPG Battle!
Mario: HP: 40/40
Luigi: HP: 35/35
Vs.
Gourmet Guy:
60/60
Mario: Oh, come on!
Mario uses Splash Bros. 10 damage!
Mario: Well, if my attacks do that much, I guess I’m okay with his 60 HP.
Luigi uses Knockback Bros. 5 damage!
Luigi: Only 5?!
Gourmet Guy uses Body Slam on both Brothers. 30 damage!
Mario: HP: 10/40
Luigi: HP: 3/35
Vs.
Gourmet Guy:
45/60
Mario: What?!
Mario uses Hammer. 5 damage!
Luigi uses Green Missile. 5 damage!
Gourmet Guy uses Unfair Advantage on everyone. He regains all missing HP, and does 1,000 damage!
Gourmet Guy wins!
Battle Over!
Mario: Ouch.
Luigi: Pain. So much pain.
Meanwhile…
Yux: This looks like a perfect place to take a vacation! Even if it’s a Toy Box! … Random senses tingling… RANDOMIZE!
The good thing that happens is that the Mario Bros. wake up, and Gourmet Guy dies. The bad thing is that the Brothers are statues for one hour. One hour later…
Mario: Finally! Let’s go to the next station! This one is too crazy!
Luigi: You said it!
They head for the train station (completely ignoring the part of the tracks where they’re broken), and walk along to Green Station. There, they see that parts of the tracks are missing.
Mario: How do we get across that?
Luigi: Maybe we should look around this station. Hopefully, it isn’t as horrible as the last one.
They soon are in an area with conveyer belts and mesh fences. But they just climb to the top of one, and spin jump from fence to fence until they’re on the other side.
Mario: Look! A giant slot machine!
Luigi: GAMBLE! GAMBLE, GAMBLE, GAMBLE, GAMBLE, GAMBLE, GAMBLE, GAMBLE!
Mario: Woah!
Mario knocks out Luigi before he can get crazier. Then he continues on and sees a Pokey guarding a chest.
Pokey: Die!
Mario: Why are you here?
Pokey: Peach told Bowser what you hate! So here I am! D-
Mario hammers a section of the Pokey away, causing the other parts to scatter.
Pokey Head: Curse you!
Mario opens the chest and finds a dictionary.
Mario: Lame.
Mario tosses it behind him. But Luigi, who just woke up, gets hit in the head with it, causing him to re-enter the world of unconsciousness.
Mario: Let’s go to another station.
Mario picks up Luigi, and walks to Red Station. He heads on and sees the Lantern Ghost.
Lantern Ghost: Darkness is to be worshipped!
Mario: Then why do you have a lamp?
Lantern Ghost: Hmmm. I never thought of that.
Mario tosses Luigi, aiming for the band-aid on the monster’s head.
Lantern Ghost: OUCH!
The pain causes him to drop the lantern, causing Watt to come out.
Watt: Die!
Lantern Ghost: Oh no you don’t!
Watt and the Lantern Ghost kill each other.
Mario: Why is everyone focused on death?
Luigi is about to wake up, but the lantern ghost’s corpse lands on him, knocking him out.
Mario: Let’s go.
They go to the other side of the station to see Shy Guys running into a dark room.
Mario: My boss battle senses are tingling. Better wake up Luigi. LUIGI! WAKE UP!
Nothing happens.
Mario: LUIGI! TIME TO NOT SLEEP!
Still nothing happens.
Mario: LUIGI! WAKE UP!
Luigi: Huh? What? Oh... Mario, I had the weirdest dream. First, I was laying on the beach with Daisy, when a book fell from the sky. Daisy then took the book, and ran off. Then I was laying on my back, doing some plumbing for someone, when a pipe shaped like a Lantern Ghost crushed me. Suddenly, I heard you calling me.
Mario: … Right. Let’s go into the dark room.
They go on, and see General Guy.
General Guy: Aha! Mario Bros, I cannot allow you to go any further!
Luigi: But this is the last area in the Toy Box.
General Guy: Oh… ATTACK!
The Shy Squad appear, and charge toward the Brothers. They just move aside. The Squad run right past them, and just keep charging, even out of the room.
General Guy: Gasp! You’ve defeated the Shy Squad! Not many can do that!
Mario: Then most people must not know the ancient art of moving aside.
General Guy: Stilt Guys! Attack!
Two Stilt Guys appear, but the Brothers shoot fireballs that cause the stilts to catch fire. Eventually, the actual Shy Guys catch fire, and die.
General Guy: No one has ever defeated the Stilt Guys before! You guys are incredible fighters! But you can’t defeat… THE SHY STACKS!
Two stacks of Shy Guys appear.
Luigi: Hey! Stack on the left! The top guys says that the bottom guy is ugly!
Bottom Guy: Die!
The bottom guy kills the top guy.
Top-Middle Guy: Hey! I like top guy!
Top-middle guy kills bottom guy.
Bottom-Middle Guy: Hey! I liked bottom guy!
Bottom-middle guy and top-middle guy kill each other.
Shy Stack #2: … THE BROTHERS ARE MASTERMINDS! RUN AWAY!
The other stack runs away.
Mario: Now what?
General Guy: I don’t know. No one has made it this far. Hold on.
General Guy goes into his tank to find a cool weapon that will undeniably be the death of the Brothers, but accidentally hits the self-destruct button. The tank explodes. All that’s left of the tank is some scrap pieces and General Guy’s hat.
Mario Bros: Wow.
Luigi: All these bad guys are really idiots.
Mario goes over to free the Star Spirit.
Muskular: Thank you! I will give you a power.
First Three Star Spirits: NO! THEY’RE BAD!
Muskular: In that case…
Star Spirits: POWER!
The Spirits cause the Toy Box to explode. Mario and Luigi end up back in the house outside the Toy Box, laying unconscious (at normal size, again) where the Box used to be.
Muskular: If these guys are bad, why do we make them rescue us?
Eldstar: I don’t know. But we should probably go warn the others about them, but still tell them that they must be saved by them.
Muskular: You make no sense.
Eldstar: Silence, nonbeliever!
Muskular: …
CHAPTER 5: THERE WAS GOING TO BE A VOLCANO, SOONER OR LATER.
Peach wakes up from last time.
Peach: I’m STILL hungry!
Twink: This isn’t working. (Hmmm. How’d I get here? Mario knocked me out! Oh well.)
Peach: Too bad!
She goes and walks along. She already killed all the guards, so she doesn’t have to sneak around. She accidentally makes her way to the room where Gourmet Guy is.
Peach: Darn it! Why do I keep getting lost?! I found my way the first time!
Gourmet Guy: Give me a cake, and I’ll tell you where Mario’s supposed to go next.
Peach: Didn’t you die in the last chapter?
Gourmet Guy: Uh… no?
Peach: Fine! I’ll bake you a cake!
She goes and FINALLY makes her way to the kitchen.
Twink: Why are there so many things in caps lately?
Peach bakes a cake… and eats the whole thing in one bite.
Twink: …
They go back to the room.
Gourmet Guy: Where’s the cake?
Peach: Uh… You ate it already?
Gourmet Guy: I did? Oh well. But then why is there frosting around your mouth?
Peach: New… lipstick?
Gourmet Guy: Okay.
Gourmet Guy walks over the window and jumps out for no reason. He meets a painful death at the bottom.
Gourmet Guy’s Ghost: I’ve died twice now! What’s the deal?!
Back in the castle…
Twink: Wait. HE NEVER TOLD US WHERE THE NEXT STAR SPIRIT IS!
Peach: Don’t worry about that.
Peach goes out of the castle, and enters Bowser’s castle. She enters the throne room.
Bowser: PEACH?!
Peach: Where’s the next Star Spirit?
Bowser: Lavalava Island.
Peach: Okay.
Bowser knocks out Peach, and tosses her to her room… Yes, he tossed her there from his throne room! Don’t ask me how! Anyway, Twink flies down into Toad Town. Hey! That rhymes!
Mario: … Oh my head. AAAHHHH! THE TOY BOX EXPLODED! OUR STUFF WAS STILL IN THERE!
P.T.: Oh no it wasn’t. Some blue star took your stuff out, a split-second before the explosion.
Mario: Oh. Okay.
Luigi wakes up.
Luigi: … Oh my head. AAAHHHH! THE TOY BOX EXPLODED, AND OUR STUFF WAS STILL-
Mario: It wasn’t.
Luigi: Oh.
They leave the house, and Twink finds them.
Twink: Go to Lavalava Island, or die.
Mario: Okay. Come with us.
Twink: Why?
Mario: (in a demonic voice) DO IT!
Twink: Fine!
They go to the docks, where Mario ties Twink to a heavy rock and chucks him into the water.
Luigi: Ouch.
Mario: Tuna! Let us on!
Tuna: I’m a whale!
Mario: Too bad! Let us on!
Tuna: No! Even if I could I- Hey! My name is not Tuna! Stop calling me that!
Fine.
Luigi: What do you mean, “Even if I could”?
Tu- I mean, Whale: Thank you. Something inside of me is causing stomach pain! I can’t give rides with pain!
Mario: What’s wrong?
Tuna: A Fuzzipede is messing with my internal organs! … I SAID TO STOP CALLING ME “TUNA”!
Force of habit. Don’t make me write you out of the story.
Tuna: You win this round.
Mario pulls out a mini Bullet Bill Blaster. He keeps shooting randomly at the tuna.
Luigi: WHAT ON PLIT ARE YOU DOING?!
Mario: Trying to kill the Fuzzipede, duh.
Luigi: YOU’RE KILLING THE TUNA! HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET TO THE ISLAND NOW?!
Mario: Hmm. Never thought of that. Let’s just swim.
Luigi: I guess.
They swim to the island. Soon, they come to the village.
Yoshi Chief: Help! The kids are missing!
Mario: Not our problem.
Chief: Then you shall di-
Luigi: We know, die. It seems every chapter has someone threaten our lives.
Chief: Then you’ll do it?
Mario: Depends.
Luigi: What’s in it for us?
Chief: Staying alive.
Mario: Fine. Just come with us.
Chief: Why?
Mario: (in a demonic voice) DO IT!
Chief: Okay!
They go to the jungle-lake thing where the Yoshi babies are lost. Suddenly, the Brothers knock the chief down, and use fireballs to create a wall of fire around the whole area, to keep the chief (and the Yoshilings) trapped.
Luigi’s Stomach: FEED ME, OR DIE!
Luigi: OH COME ON! EVEN MY STOMACH IS THREATENING ME?! Mario, do you have anything to eat?!
Mario: Just this.
He holds out Sushi.
Sushi: Thanks for getting me out of the jung- AAAHHHHHHHH!
Mario burns Sushi with a fireball. One feast later...
Luigi: I’m full!
Mario: Me too! Now, let’s go save the Star Spirit, so we’ll have yet ANOTHER enemy! … This quest stinks.
Luigi: You said it.
They go to the jungle. After entering the volcano…
Putrid Piranha: ALERT! ALERT! THE MARIO BROS. HAVE INTRUDED INTO THE VOLCANO! THEY MUST DIE, BOSS!
Lava Piranha (from in his room): THEN LET THEM COME! I’M TOO FAR AWAY!
Putrid Piranha: UH, OKAY!
The Putrid Piranha leaves. After some navigating, they find the room with a chest. After opening it, they find two Ultra Hammers!
Luigi: Why two hammers?!
Mario: Shut up about the hammers!
Mario hits Luigi. Luigi hits him back, and they start having a hammer fight. They seem to have forgotten the story, until…
P.T.: MARIO! LUIGI! GO BACK TO YOUR POINTLESS JOURNEY!
Mario Bros.: Why?
P.T.: Silence, nonbelievers!
Mario Bros: …
They continue, and run from a giant, round, spiked stone. Said stone makes a hole in the hall. But…
Putrid Piranha, Spike Top, and Lava Bubble: Hey! You ignored us! We must battle!
Mario hammers the lava bubble into the Putrid Piranha’s mouth. In its mindless rampage, the plant kills the Spike Top. After that, the Piranha is burnt to ashes.
Various Shy Guys: You forgot about us, too!
Luigi: Did that invisible snowman in the middle of the lava just insult you?
Various Shy Guys: Die!
The Shy Guys try to kill the snowman, but die in the lava.
Mario: Wow. Plit really went downhill, since P.T. became an author.
Luigi: Truer words were never spoken.
They go into Lava Piranha’s room.
Lava Piranha: Meat my new accomplices!
Naval Piranha and Petey Piranha appear.
Piranha Plant Bosses: DIE!
Mario Bros: DIE!
RPG Battle!
Mario: HP: 45/45
Luigi: HP: 40/40
Vs.
Lava Piranha:
HP: 50/50
Naval Piranha:
HP: 30/30
Petey Piranha:
HP: 40/40
Mario and Luigi use Splash Bros. on Naval Piranha. 25 damage!
Naval: What the?! They did that much, at once?!
Luigi uses Green Missile on Naval Piranha. 5 damage!
Naval: D’oh!
Naval dies.
Lava Piranha uses… nothing.
Lava Piranha: What?!
Petey: I’m bored.
Lava Piranha: YOU WILL FIGHT, OR YOU WILL DIE!
Mario, Luigi, and Petey use Move That Gets Lava Piranha Beaten Like A Cheap Drum. 50 damage!
Petey leaves.
Mario: HP: 45/45
Luigi: HP: 40/40
Vs.
Lava Piranha:
HP: 0/50
Naval Piranha:
HP: 0/30
Petey: HP: 40/40
(left)
Mario and Luigi
win!
Battle Over!
Naval Piranha explodes, and Lava Piranha faints.
Mario: That was easy.
Luigi: Maybe we’re getting lucky!
Lava Piranha’s body goes into the lava he came from… And he came out, on fire!
Mario Bros: AAAAHHHHHH!
Luigi: Then again, maybe not.
Lava Piranha breathes fire, but it misses the Bros.
Mario Bros: …
Lava Piranha: Wait, aren’t plants weak against fire?
Uh, yeah. They are. Why?
Lava Piranha: Oh no.
Lava Piranha turns to ashes.
Mario: WHY DOES BOWSER EVEN SEND THESE GUYS AFTER US?!
Luigi: Let’s just free the Star Spirit, and get blown out of the volcano!
They go into the next room, and free Misstar.
Misstar: The others told me about you. Come on out, guys!
Star Spirits: POWER!
The Bros. are blown away… AGAIN!