Paper Mario Brothers 2: Pinheads in Time

By P.T. Piranha

CHAPTER 2: FOWL, FEARSOME FACTORY IN THE FOREST

The Bros. come out of the time hole in Toadwood Forest.

Luigi: Wow! Nothing landed on me! Hoorah!

A pebble lands on Luigi’s head. It’s revealed that a Lakitu threw it at him.

Luigi: CURSES!

Suddenly, a Koopaleon, Boo Guy, and Elasto Piranha approach the Bros.

Elasto: Where’s the Pokemon convention?

Mario: Uh… That way.

Boo Guy: Thanks.

They leave.

Luigi: That was lucky.

Another pebble lands on Luigi.

Luigi: THAT WASN’T WHAT I HAD IN MIND WHEN I SAID THAT WE NEEDED A NEW GAG!

Too bad! The Bros. soon reach an area with 6 empty boxes. The adults throw the Babies into an open stump for no reason.

Baby Mario: YOU GUYS ARE BAD WITH CHILDREN!

Of course, all the adults hear is, “Gaga, gaga!”. The babies head for a fire block, to see if they can somehow burn the adults.

Boo Guy: Perish!

Baby Mario: That’s not all that different from “Die!”

Boo Guy: Just for that…

The Boo Guy summons 14 more, and they all fuse together.

Result: You shall now call me, Boo(guy)lossus!

Baby Luigi: You’re lame.

Boo(guy)lossus: Curses! You’ve found me out!

The upper half of Boo(guy)lossus opens up, revealing Lamek in a cockpit.

Baby Mario: Don’t tell me that you’ll be a recurring character!

Lamek: Silence! I will kill you, thus killing your future selves, who defeated me in Chapter 1!

Baby Mario jumps into the cockpit, presses a button, and jumps out. The whole thing explodes, sending Lamek flying out of Toadwood Forest.

Baby Luigi: That was easy.

They hit all 6 boxes. The adults then hit all 6 of their boxes. The flames all fuse into a giant flame in the center box. Through some plothole, the Bros. reunite. They hit the center box, and it burns some trees. But just as they walk through the ashes…

Minions from earlier: YOU LIED! THE CONVENTION WASN’T THAT WAY!

Mario: So?

Minions: WE WILL… WELL, WE DON’T KNOW YET!

A pebble lands on Luigi.

Luigi: What was that for?!

I’m bored.

Luigi: …

DON’T USE THAT TONE WITH ME!

Luigi: What tone?

You asked for it! A pebble lands on Luigi.

Luigi: PAIN!

Minions: Our work here is done, before we came. You guys are just sad.

Adult Bros: …

Baby Luigi: This is what we’ll grow up to be?

Baby Mario: Please, DAD! Don’t let this be our fate!

The Bros. jump into a warp pipe. After lots of platform jumping over spike pits (which Luigi lands in, 98% of the time), they make it to the entrance of Vim Factory. And another pebble lands on Luigi.

Luigi: WAH!

Stop whining!

Baby Luigi: OH NO! I’M GOING TO GROW INTO THAT! WAAAAHHHH!!!

Luigi: Aw, he’s concerned for his future self.

Baby Mario: Is it me, or are our future selves completely ignorant of us?

Baby Luigi, however, is still crying about his fate. They now enter the factory. The adults somehow get captured, and some Hammer Bros. find the Babies.

Bro. #1: D13, n00bs!

Bro. #2: Y34h! F34r t3h l337 H4mm3r 8r0z!

Baby Mario: AHH! LEET OVERLOAD!

Suddenly, Lamek crashes through the roof, squishing one Hammer Bro.

8r0. #2: N0! Curs3 y0u, n00b!

He hammers Lamek into Baby Mario.

8r0. #2: Y34h! 2 b1rds w1th 1 st0n3!

Baby Luigi pulls the antenna off of the Bro's helmet.

Bro. #2: Thanks!

His bro comes to, and beats him up for no longer being possessed. However, Baby Mario comes to, and throws Lamek at the bro, knocking him out.

Baby Mario: That wasn’t too hard.

They steal some nearby hammers, and carelessly smash through the area, freeing their adult counterparts.

Mario Bros: Thank you!

Baby Luigi: Why’d we save them?

Baby Mario: The monster from under my crib told me to do it, or he’d smash my Wii.

Baby Luigi: I thought those weren’t invented yet.

Baby Mario: D’oh!

The adults take the Babies, and meet some Shroobs.

Dr. Shroob: Hello! I’m a DOCTOR Shroob! I didn’t go to Shroob Medical School to be known as a regular Shroob, thank you very much!

Mad Dr. Shroob: HEE, HEE, HEE! CHICKENS GO CRAZY FOR MEOW MIX! BWAHAHAHA!!!

He goes crazy (as if he wasn’t already) and starts shooting his coworkers with lasers.

Mario: Is it me, or is Plit stupider in the past?

A pebble lands on Luigi, even though he’s inside.

Luigi: WHY?!

Baby Luigi: WHY?!

Lakitufo: CHICKEN FINGERS!

Baby Mario throws his hammer at the Lakitufo, and they continue. After a room with electricity (which shocks Luigi very painfully 98% of the time), they reach a room with a giant, Shroobified Wiggler drinking a drink that sucks out the Vim in the whole forest.

Wiggler: I have a name, you know.

Right. Anyway, two Dr. Shroobs come out.

Dr. Shroob #1: I LIKE CHICKEN, I LIKE LIVER. MEOW MIX, MEOW MIX, PLEASE DELIVER!

Dr. Shroob #2: CORN!

Existence: …

Quartet: Are all Dr. Shroobs insane?

Yes. Anyway, Baby Mario throws his hammer at the glass Swiggler is drinking out of, breaking it and spilling liquid everywhere.

Swiggler: 0.0  …  >:-(

Swiggler stampedes, killing the 2 doctors. The UFO Shroobs decide to leave before they feel Swiggler’s wrath.

Mario: Time for-

Luigi: A-

Adults: BROS. ATTACK!

P.T.: Oh no you don’t! Those weren’t in Mario & Luigi 2, so they can’t appear here, either!

Adults: Curses!

A pebble lands on Luigi. Luigi throws it at the Lakitu who threw it, but he dodges. The pebble flies all the way into outer space, bounces off a satellite, gets knocked into a meteor, and ends up sending said meteor back down to Plit, landing in the room where the battle is taking place. It lands so hard, Vim Factory is now only a huge crater in Toadwood Forest.

Mario: Ouch.

Luigi: Oucher.

Baby Mario: Owie.

Baby Luigi: Owier.

They get out of the crater, and Swiggler follows!

Luigi: Oh, come on!

A pebble lands on Swiggler, knocking him out.

Lakitu: Curses! I missed.

Mario: That must be embarrassing.

Luigi: … Well, I weakened him!

Mario: (sarcastically) Right.

Swiggler spits out another Cobalt Star shard. However, Baby Bowser lands on Luigi. Yes, the Lakitu ran out of pebbles.

Baby Bowser: That was weird. Hey! Something shiny!

He takes the shard, and the one that was collected in the previous chapter. He then leaves.

Mario Quartet: Lame.
 

CHAPTER 3: EATEN BY A CRETIN

After returning to the present, the quartet return to Gadd.

Gadd: You’re back so soon? Did you leave something?

Mario: No, you cretin. We went through the entire Toadwood Forest adventure just now. And Baby Bowser took our shards!

Gadd: Yaboo, yabbo. Oyamaa. Siche’, siche’. In non-genius language that means, “The next time hole is in the library”. You know, those time holes have been popping up here faster than toast on Sunday morning!

Luigi: That wasn’t funny, as you said that in the actual game.

Gadd: Curses!

Mario: Look on the bright side! Stuffwell didn’t appear at all in the last chapter! A celebration, I say!

Stuffwell: A celebration? Where-eth? I love parties!

Mario: Curses!

A pebble lands on Luigi.

Luigi: WHY ME?!

Mario: Because I get enough torture from the LL tourists as it is. AAAHH! THERE’S BEEN TOO MUCH FILLER! TO THE LIBRARY!

They go there, ignoring the fact that they have to learn the Spin Jump. In the past…

Mario Bros: Yoshi’s Island?

Baby Mario: We were here, not long ago!

Baby Luigi: Yeah, I had to be captured, but you got to ride Yoshis the whole time!

Baby Mario: Well you didn’t get the hatred of many players because of crying. HEY! GAMERS! STOP DISSIN’ ME FOR MY CRYIN’, YO! FO’ RIZZLE!

Baby Luigi: Toadsworth’s rapping must be contagious.

Baby Mario: Oh yeah.

Mario: AAH! STILL TOO MUCH FILLER!

They soon make it to a hut with Yoshis inside.

Kylie Koopa: Hi! I’m Kylie Koopa! KOOPA!

Mario: So?

Kylie: I’m here reporting. REPORTING!

Luigi: Do you always do that?

Kylie: Maybe. MAYBE!

Luigi: I’ll take that as a yes. What’s happening?

Kylie: A giant monster named Yoob is eating the Yoshis. YOSHIS!

Yellow: Okay, first I get forced to stay in the back of the audience in Dark’s studio, then I get forced to fill in for the Yoshi who’s about to get eaten while he’s at the dentist, but now I have to get eaten?!

Yes.

Yellow: Kay.

He goes outside, and gets eaten.

Luigi: Wouldn’t you guys be safer indoors?

Yoshis: ALL LOGIC USERS WILL BE SENT INTO THE HILLBILLY PIT, IF THEY TRY TO USE LOGIC ON US!

Luigi: Okay, I’ll shut up.

They go to the next hut, and see Kamek.

Kamek: Leave me alone! I must get cookies for Prince Bowser!

Lamek: (singing) I like fudge! I like fudge! You ask me what I like, I say, “I like fudge”! *repeats*

Adults: Why is he here?

Kamek: He had nothing to do this weekend, so he decided to stay with me for a while.

Yoob sticks his tongue through the roof, getting Lamek, but missing Kamek and the heroes.

Kamek: TO TEH CLIFF TOP!

He goes away. The quartet go through the northern hut, and learn how to make Baby Mario spit up.

Stuffwell: That is gross-eth.

Mario tosses Stuffwell towards Yoob. He eats the suitcase.

Mario: Yeah! Ha, ha, ha!

They continue, and find Pidgits and Coconutters.

Luigi: Fireball!

He throws a green fireball at the Pidgit’s carpet, burning it.

Pidgit: AAHH!

The carpet totally burns, and the Pidgit lands on the ground, where it gets hammered to death by Baby Luigi. Mario throws a fireball at the tiny tree on the Coconutter’s head. It freaks out, and starts running around. Baby Mario trips him, then hammers him to death. They continue some more, and find Kamek and Baby Bowser on the clifftop.

Baby Bowser: I’m bored. Kamek! Kill them for no reason!

The prince runs off.

Kamek: Ok...

Kamek throws a pebble at Luigi.

Luigi: T_T

Mario: Hmm... Usually, P.T. just makes a character say “…” when they’re annoyed.

Baby Mario throws his hammer at Kamek, knocking him off his broom. Kamek clones himself, and they all stack up into a tower of Kameks.

Kameks: SUPER KAMEK TOWER, GO!

They transform into a giant banana.

Luigi: This is just retarded!

The banana unpeels to reveal a robot that looks like Kamek.

Robot: I am, “TEH K-BOT”.

Mario: Whatever.

K-Bot shoots a laser at Mario, knocking him and Baby Mario out. Luigi and Baby Luigi play a game of patty-cake.

K-Bot: Hello?

Luigi: Oh, sorry! I thought we cut to a commercial.

A pebble lands on Luigi. He throws it at K-Bot, knocking off the head. It reveals Lamek in a cockpit where the head once was.

Luigi: WHAT?! YOU WERE EATEN BY YOOB!

Lamek: I’d rather not explain how I came back.

Luigi: What is it with you and robots?

Lamek: Mommy said I needed a hobby.

Luigi: T_T

Baby Luigi jumps into the cockpit, and hammers Lamek into the distance. They then wake up Mario.

Luigi: Wait a second, if that was Lamek, then where’s Kamek?

Mario: Lost in the sea of randomness.

Luigi: Ah.

Suddenly, Yoob eats them! Bwahaha!

Mario: Weird.

Luigi: I read the strategy guide! We must push Chomp Rocks into the gastric region.

Mario: You! Yellow! Help us, or we’ll make you do another demeaning task!

Yellow: Give me some fruit first, kay?

Adults: Never!

Yellow: Then forget me helping y-AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

The Babies start hammering Yellow.

Yellow: Okay! Okay! I’ll help!

A Bully appears.

Bully: Which way to teh sushi bar?

Baby Luigi hammers him. Then, they reach a room with switches and bulbs. The Bros. totally ignore it and meet some Dry Bones.

Dry Bones: Hi, everybody!

Dr. Nick: My line! Uh, I mean, “Hi, everybody”!

Quartet and Dry Bones: Hi, Dr. Nick!

An RC Shroober’s toy eats Dr. Nick. The guys then find an RC Shroober using his toys to torture a blue Yoshi.

Blue: Hey, guys! Help me, or I’ll rip your heads off!

Quartet: 0.0

A pebble lands on Luigi.

Luigi: …

The Babies hammer the alien to death. Then, the quartet find some Yoshis in eggs. They are the green and red ones. After some cheat code that I totally made up, they manage to free the eggs. And then, they meet Sunnycide.

Sunnycide: Hey, y’all!

Quartet: Die!

Sunnycide: Not so fast! Eggs! Protect-ify me!

Eggs: Will we get paid?

Sunnycide: NO!

Eggs: Forget you.

They hatch into Yoshis, and try to push a Chomp Rock off a ledge. That gets Sunnycide on his back, revealing his weak point.

Mario Quartet: CANNONBALLER!

They jump into a cannon, and land on the weak point in a random order.

Sunnycide: Time for… TEH UBER ASSAULT!

Sunnycide transforms into a giant banana. It unpeels to reveal a giant strip of bacon.

Sunnycide: Fear me in my true form!

The quartet eats him. Then, they notice that one egg didn’t hatch. Baby Mario hammers it, and Stuffwell comes out.

Stuffwell: Thank-eth you!

Mario: Curses!

The quartet leave somehow, and head back to the village. There, they see Baby Bowser.

Baby Bowser: My stomach! It burns!

He spits up the shards. For some reason, Mario takes it. After getting assaulted by ANOTHER pebble, Luigi (and his fellow quartet members) jump into the Time Hole, and head back to the present.

Read on!


 
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