CHAPTER 4: THE CRAZY CLOUDTOPS:
The quartet is now in Nimbus Land.
P.T.: That was easy!
The Axem Rangers surround them.
Kamek: That was unlucky!
Red: Attack!
Pink: But I could break a nail!
Green: I have a headache!
Red: Too bad! Attack!
Larry volleys a tennis ball that hits Red and knocks him out. Kamek shoots a spell that makes Green’s headache so bad, he can’t move. P.T. then punches him out, then punches Yellow out. Petey eats Black and spits him out at Pink, knocking both of them out.
Larry: That was easier than I thought!
They try to enter Nimbus Castle, but…
Guards: No entry!
Petey: But we have to kill Smithy!
Guards: Well in that case… NO!
P.T.: Pretty please?
Guards: One more time, and we’ll kill you all!
Quartet: …
Soon, the quartet is found drinking Koopa Kola in the Nimbus Land soda bar.
Larry: How do we get in? Hmm…
P.T.: *puts drink down* I hate Mondays.
Petey: Today’s Wednesday.
P.T.: … I knew that!
Kamek: I think Mario got in because of someone named “Garro”.
Larry: I’m not quite sure we should go that way. I know! P.T., how did you get past guards and break down doors in the Lemmy’s Mansion Trilogy?
P.T.: Lying, and using Lemmy as a battering ram! : )
Larry: That would explain why my parents and the doctors were worried about Lemmy’s skull. Let’s lie!
Baby Show Characters: But lying is evil!
Quartet: SHUT UP!
And so…
Guards: You’re back?
Larry: Yes. Please let us in.
Guards: Why?
Larry: Because, uh…
Kamek: We’re with the union!
Guards: The union?
Larry: Yeah, “The Union of Magic, Both Good and Evil”.
Petey: Yeah, have you ever been feeling degraded or depressed?
Guard #1: Well, a little.
Guard #2: We don’t even have dental.
Larry: (to partners) Don’t even have dental. (to guards) Listen, we’re just going to take a look around. Oh, and I think it’d be best if the head honcho of this place doesn’t know we’re here. Know what I mean? Huh?
P.T.: Huh? Huh? HUH?!
Larry: That’s enough.
Guards: (whispering) Oh, of course. Go right in.
Inside…
Petey: Wow! That worked better than I thought!
P.T.: I’ll say! How did you guys come up with that?
Larry, Kamek, and Petey: Shrek 2!
P.T.: Ah.
So they continue. Eventually, they find the room with the statues of Mario, Mallow, Geno, Bowser, and Peach. They’re all broken.
Larry: Hmm.
Kamek: Yes, this shards of the statues look like they could only have been broken with a hammer.
Larry: He’s been here! What if it’s too late?
They hurry down the hall to find Garro, the king, and the queen sobbing.
Larry: Huh, what happened?!
Garro: Smithy! He killed Mallow!
Larry, Kamek, and Petey: 0_0
P.T.: APPLESAUCE!
Larry: Do you have any idea of where he’s going right now?
King Nimbus: He said something about a “Star Road” or something.
Larry: Geno! We have to get there, now!
Voice: I wouldn’t do that!
The quartet turn to see Yaridovich and the Axem Rangers!
Yaridovich: Maybe you could handle 4 vs. 5, but how about…
Yaridovich makes 2 clones.
Yaridovich: 4 vs. 8?!
P.T.: Oh, crud.
Just then, a purple blur knocks out Yaridovich. It’s revealed that it’s a new character named “Axem Purple”. Yes, I made him up.
Larry: Who are you?
Axem Purple: I am Axem Purple. The author was going to make me blue, but then thought it was too clichéd.
Larry: Ah.
Purple: I want to join you for no apparent reason. Plus, I can even the odds.
Petey: But we were able to handle these five before!
Purple: Yet they’re still alive.
Petey: Ah.
Axem Purple joined the party!
P.T.: Has anyone noticed that three of our five names start with P?
Larry: Has anyone noticed that you’re an idiot?
P.T.: You’ve won this round, hippie!
Pink: Red, is my makeup on right?
Black: I CAN’T CHOOSE WHICH ONE I WANT TO FIGHT!
Yellow: I’m hungry!
Green: I have a headache!
Red: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!
Black: Who voted you leader of the gang?
Red: Me!
Black: Oh, just because you’re the color red?
Red: Hey, if the Power Rangers and Koopa Bros. can do it, so can we!
Black: I wanna be the leader!
Green: Didn’t the Koopa Bros. first appear in a video game after us, though? And I still have a headache.
Pink: Hey, I’m the only one of us that doesn’t share a color with the Koopa Bros!
Green: So?
Larry: Are they always like this?
Purple: Hey, just because I’m an Axem, doesn’t mean I was with them.
Petey: Maybe if we’re quiet, they won’t notice us leaving.
They’re about to make it out, when…
P.T.: How come I haven’t been getting enough lines?
Red: There you guys are!
Larry: Remind me to kill you.
Red: We may not have used elementals in the game, but we’ve learned them, last Tuesday! FIRE AXE!
Pink: LIGHT AXE!
Black: DARKNESS AXE!
Yellow: DONUT AXE! … Uh, I mean, EARTH AXE!
Green: WIND AXE!
They all fuse their axes into one, and throw it at the quintet. The axe is covered in each element.
Larry: Oh no! What will we do?
Purple: METAL AXE!
He and his axe become metal. He jumps into harm's way, and throws the axe back at the others. He doesn’t take pain, because he’s made of metal right now.
Axem Rangers: X_X
However, Yaridovich comes back.
Yaridovich: How dare you?!
Purple throws his axe at Larry, who volleys it to Yaridovich, knocking him out.
Larry: Huzzah! Now what?
P.T.: PARTY!
Kamek: I was thinking more along the lines of “Try to get to Star Road”.
Petey: Well, why not just go from Star Hill? Or Dinosaur Land?
Garro: Excuse me, but you’re the ones who defeated the Axem Rangers and Yaridovich, right?
Quintet: Yes.
Garro: Okay. As a reward, we’ll let you use the Cloud Bus.
P.T.: We should defeat members of the Smithy Gang more often! We’ll never have to walk again!
Larry: Which way should we go? From Star Hill, or Dinosaur Land?
Kamek: I’d say from Star Hill. It’s closer.
Larry: Star Hill it is!
So they leave the castle, and board the bus.
Bus Driver: Where to?
Larry: Star Hill!
And so, the bus
sets off for Star Hill. Or you might know it as Shooting Star Summit from
Paper Mario. But I call that place Star Hill. So they go to the one that’s
from Paper Mario.
CHAPTER 5: THE HECTIC HAVEN
The quintet are currently at the bottom of Star Hill. They make it to the top when all of a sudden…
Mack: Halt!
Larry: Oh, great. You.
Mack: Yes, me! I challenge you to an… RPG BATTLE!
RPG BATTLE! CUE MARIO & LUIGI 2 BOSS BATTLE MUSIC!
Larry: 40/40
Kamek: 30/30
P.T.: 35/35
Vs.
Mack: 80/80
Larry, Kamek, and P.T.: YOU HAVE 80 HP?!
Mack: Yes!
Larry uses, “Spiked
Ball Volley”. What a stupid name. 5 damage!
Kamek uses, “Switch
Partners”! Switches to Purple.
P.T. uses, “Green
Shell”. Purple gets on shell. 10 damage!
Mack uses, “Fire
Wall”. 10 damage each!
Larry: 30/40
Purple: 20/30
P.T.: 25/35
Vs.
Mack: 65/80
Larry uses, “Switch
Partners”. Trades P.T. for Petey.
Purple uses,
“Triple Axe Attack”. 15 damage!
Petey uses, “Goop”.
5 damage!
Mack uses, “Fireball”
on Larry. 5 damage!
Larry: 25/40
Purple: 20/30
Petey: 35/35
Vs.
Mack: 40/80
Larry: This is taking too long already!
Larry uses, “Cheat Code that kills Mack”. 40 damage! Mack faints!
Larry: 25/40
Purple: 20/30
Petey: 35/35
Vs.
Mack: 0/80
BATTLE OVER!
Mack faints. The gang then continue, and make their way to Star Haven.
Star: Welcome to Star Haven! Hey, are you by any chance related to that Bowser jerk that stole the Star Rod?
Larry: Uh, no?
Star: Then I have no beef with you.
Larry: Oookay. Let’s see if any of these people know where Smithy is.
Petey: Haven’t you played the video games? All NPCs do is repeat the same sentences over and over!
Larry: (pulling out his wallet) With bribery, anything can change. HEY! ANYONE WHO CAN TELL ME WHERE SMITHY IS GETS TEN BUCKS!
Citizens: LAME.
Larry: Uh, 100 bucks?
Citizens: HE’S IN THE STAR SPIRITS’ PLACE!
Larry: Thank you.
The citizens trample him to get the $100. The others pick him up, and head to the Star Spirits’ place. There, he sees Smithy fighting Geno. Also, the music that played when Mario fought Bowser at the beginning of SMRPG plays.
Smithy: Die! I’ve already killed Bowser and Mallow. Now it’s time to get you!
Larry: Not if we have anything to say about it!
Smithy: … Who are you?
A needle scratch stops the music.
Larry: I’m Larry Koopa, seventh son of Bowser. I’m here to kill you.
Smithy: Oh.
The music restarts.
Smithy: BUT YOU’LL HAVE TO KILL MY GANG, FIRST!
Purple: You mean Mack, Bowyer, Yaridovich, and the Axem Rangers?
P.T.: We already killed them.
Smithy: 0_0 Uh, okay. BUT NOW, YOU MUST KILL MY FACTORY STAFF!
Nothing happens.
Smithy: Oh yeah, I never got around to reviving them. Okay, I guess I can kill you now!
RPG BATTLE! AGAIN! CUE SMRPG FIRST SMITHY BATTLE MUSIC!
Larry: 40/40
Purple: 30/30
Petey: 35/35
Vs.
Smithy: 100/100
Larry, Purple, and Petey: YOU’VE GOT 100 HP?!
Larry: Woah. Déjà vu.
Larry uses, “Cheat
Code that will kill Smithy”. No effect!
Purple uses,
“Axerang”. 10 damage!
Petey uses “Whirlwind”.
Smithy’s dizzy!
Smithy uses,
“Vomit” on me. Loses next turn!
Smithy: Curses! We’re using Shadow Paper Mario 2 logic! It burns! But not enough to take away any HP.
Larry: 40/40
Purple: 30/30
Petey: 35/35
Vs.
Smithy: 90/100
Larry uses, “Cannonballer”!
30 damage!
Purple uses,
“Switch Partners”. Switches to P.T.!
Petey uses, “Eat,
then Spit out”. 10 damage!
Smithy’s turn
is skipped!
Larry: 40/40
P.T.: 35/35
Petey: 35/35
Vs.
Smithy: 50/100
Smithy: You’ve brought me down to half strength already?!
Larry: Shut up, King Dad-killer!
Larry uses “Command”, then, “Insult”. 15 damage (emotionally)!
Larry: Huh? That wasn’t a real attack!
Too bad! P.T.
uses, “Green Shell”. Petey hops on. 10 damage!
Petey uses, “Goop”!
5 damage!
Smithy uses,
“Hammer” on P.T.! 20 damage!
Larry: 40/40
P.T.: 15/35
Petey: 35/35
Vs.
Smithy: 20/100
(emotionally, he has 85/100)
Larry: Enough with the emotions, already!
Larry uses, “Shell
Shot”. 5 damage!
P.T. uses, “Boomerang”.
10 damage!
Petey uses, “Goop”!
5 damage! Smithy faints!
Larry: 40/40
P.T.: 15/35
Petey: 35/35
Vs.
Smithy: 0/100
Larry gains 15
exp!
Kamek gains nothing
at all!
P.T. moves to
level 14!
Petey’s “Whirlind”
is powered up!
Purple learns
“Super Axerang”.
BATTLE OVER!
Smithy: Ouch.
Smithy explodes.
Larry: Yay! I avenged King Dad!
P.T.: Does that mean I get my paycheck, now?
Geno: Oh no! What have you done?!
Larry: Avenged my dad?
Geno: No! Whenever you defeat Smithy in an RPG battle, something terrible happens!
Petey: But Smithy was beaten in an RPG battle before!
Geno: But if you beat him that way twice, darkness will overcome the world! Ending it!
Larry: So? I’m a bad guy. Why do I care?
Geno: There will be no world for your family to try to conquer anymore.
Larry: *gasp* Oh no! Is there anything I can do to stop this?!
Geno: If you can get the Star Rod, I think you might be able to stop it.
Larry: Where is it?
Geno: I think it might be on the top of Chip Tower.
Larry: Chip Tower?
Geno: It’s a giant Pringles can in a remote, far-off desert.
Larry: Okay. How do I get there?
Geno: I dunno.
Larry: Ugh.
And so Larry must now fix his mistake. Will they make it to Chip Tower? Will Larry get there in time? Will there be less RPG battles in the future? Will I ever make P.T. funny instead of dumb? Stay tuned!