CHAPTER 8: THE FEROCIOUS FORTRESS
The party is at Toad Town Docks.
Larry: Six tickets for Rogueport, please.
Boat-ticket-person: Okay.
He gives Larry the tickets.
Larry: One good thing about not being used in games for years is the fact that no NPCs recognize you, meaning that they won’t attack you due to being evil.
Kamek: Agreed.
Petey: Not me. I’m a current character.
King Boo: I second that.
Purple: I’m not even a real character, so there’s nothing for me to worry about.
P.T.: Wait… I’M A GOOD GUY! WHY AM I HELPING BAD GUYS?!
King Boo: Well, because… You see… It’s all about the fact that… I give up.
Larry: We’ll get back to you on that.
They get on the boat, and head to Rogueport.
Larry: Okay! Which way to Shhwonk Fortress?
Kamek: I believe it is due east!
P.T.: “Due east”? What are you, a medieval guy?
Kamek: Uh… Don’t question things you can’t understand?
P.T.: That’ll work… for now.
They go to the east part of town, and reach the part with the fence.
Group: Darn! The fence is in the way!
King Boo: …
King Boo floats through the fence, and presses a ! Switch on the other side. The fence explodes, and the pipe rises.
Everyone but King Boo: Happies!
King Boo: …
They hop into the pipe, and reach the sewers.
Voice: Hey! No one enters the ‘hood, yo!
Petey: Are you actually trying to be a rapper?
2nd Voice: We’re the gangsta’s! Get out of our crib, yo!
Petey: Seriously, stop.
3rd Voice: Yo, yo, yo!
Petey: Stop it!
Petey eats the Goomba, Paragoomba, and Spiky Goomba that harassed Goombella. They were the rappers.
Purple: Well that was pointless filler.
The group go to the next room, and the Blooper rises.
Kamek: I thought Mario already took care of these people!
Blooper: We’re special. We can’t die.
Larry: You’re “special”, all right.
Blooper: Thanks. For that, I’ll give you a lift to the warp pipe!
Group except P.T.: …
P.T.: See, Larry, Kamek, Petey, and King Boo? If you just be good, you’ll get rewards! It’s Karma! Not like Ludwig’s girlfriend. Just ask Earl!
Earl: He’s right.
Group except P.T.: …
The Blooper throws them all into a pipe, and they land in Petal Meadows. Earl then runs off to takeover Hooktail Castle for a reason that the law requires I don’t tell you.
Purple: This chapter seems to be lacking, somewhat.
Suddenly, the Blooper comes out of the pipe!
Blooper: I just realized! You weren’t complimenting me! You were making fun of me! Die!
RPG Battle! Cue Mario & Luigi 2 boss music!
Larry: 100/100
Purple: 85/85
King Boo: 80/80
Vs.
Blooper: 40/40
Larry, Purple, and King Boo: Only 40 HP?
Blooper: STOP MOCKING ME!
The Blooper reaches into the audience, and kills 10 of the 80 members. Blooper gains 25 exp! Blooper gains a level! Blooper gains 100 HP!
Blooper: 140/140
Larry uses, “Red Shell”. Purple gets on. The shell goes past, under King Boo. 10 damage total! Purple comes back!
King Boo: Maybe I should’ve been on the shell.
Purple uses, “Axe Spin”. 30 damage!
King Boo uses, “Possess”. He possesses the Blooper. He then jumps off a cliff, and jumps out of the body at the last second. All the Bloopers remaining HP is gone!
Larry: 100/100
Purple: 85/85
King Boo: 80/80
Vs.
Blooper: 0/140
Larry’s group wins! Battle over!
King Boo: That was dumb.
Blooper (at the bottom): I’m okay! I landed on Gourmet Guy!
Larry: … Okay, let’s just go to Shhwonk Fortress.
The group head to Shhwonk Fortress. In the gray building…
Bald Clefts: Die!
P.T.: Shazam!
P.T. pulls out a hairspray can, and action-rolls towards the Clefts. He sprays at the end of the roll, and the Bald Clefts get hair!
Clefts: Yay! You can go on now.
The group go on, and reach the Bristles.
Bristles: Die!
Petey ground pounds, causing a shockwave that turns the Bristles upside-down. Leaving them there, the gang goes on to find the Thwomp bust.
Thwomp: Welcome! Play in my quiz, or I’ll shoot you!
Group: 0_0
Thwomp: With a tranquilizer! Not a real gun.
Group: Oh. Okay.
Thwomp: Okay. If you can get all five questions right, you’ll win! Who’ll go?
P.T.: I will!
Thwomp: Okay.
Others: NOOO!!!
Thwomp: Question
1, which Koopaling doesn’t get any of the much-needed respect they deserve?
A: Lemmy
B: Bowser Junior
C: Roy
D: Minute Rice
P.T.: Ha! I’m an expert! B is the answer!
Thwomp: Correct!
2, where were you born?
A: Sarasaland
B: Isle Delfino
C: Hyrule
D: Minute Rice
P.T.: Hmm. I’m tempted to pick D, but I’ll say A!
Larry: What do you mean you were tempted to pick D?! You should know where you were born!
Thwomp: Silence,
nonbeliever! Now for 3. Which of these choices ISN’T a dragon?
A: Hooktail
B: Gloomtail
C: Bonetail
D: Minute Rice
P.T.: Hmm.
Hours later…
P.T.: Uh, D!
Thwomp: (waking
up) Huh? What? Oh, you got it right. 4, where is the minute rice joke coming
from?
A: Lemmy’s Land
B: Crazy Comics
C: Neglected
Mario Characters (NC)
D: Minute Rice
P.T.: C!
(It’s true. That’s where the minute rice joke is from.)
Thwomp: 5, Which
one of these did you NOT take from Link?
A: Switchhook
B: Fire Rod
C: Ice Rod
D: Minute Rice
P.T.: E! None of the above!
Thwomp: Curses! How did you know?!
P.T.: I used the Lens of Truth! You were hiding the fifth answer!
Thwomp: No! You’ve figured out my trick!
Policemen burst into the room.
Policeman #1: Thwomp Bust, you’re under arrest for trying to make sure someone never gets the fifth question right!
Thwomp: Curses!
They take him away. With the whole statue gone, a doorway is revealed. The gang go in there, and Larry grabs for the part of the Star Rod. It turns to dust.
Petey: Now we’re doomed!
A time hole pops up.
Kamek: Just like at Thwomp Volcano!
Purple: When did that happen?
King Boo: Oh, you don’t remember, because you weren’t one of the ones who went through time.
Larry: We’ll take your word for it.
They jump in, and find the piece is in the same place, intact. Larry takes it, and puts the Star Rod together! Before returning to the present, they hear someone talking.
Voice: Now, there’s no way they’ll find the Star Rod piece in the future. But if they do, make sure they never get past you. Even if it means cheating on the last question.
2nd Voice: Got it. I just hope the police won’t catch me. I already have a … “history” with the police.
P.T.: OH MY DAD, THEY’RE PLOTTING AGAINST US IN THE FUTURE!
Others: SSSHHH!!!
1st Voice: Who’s there?! Thwomp! Move over!
He does, and the figure from the last chapter enters.
Kamek: You!
Figure: Yes, me!
The figure telekinetically takes both of Kamek’s wands (one was his, the other he took), and prepares to blast them to death.
Larry: RUN!
The gang jump into the Time Hole, just before it closes.
King Boo: That was close.
Purple: Let’s go to Star Haven, now.
Others: Agreed.
Kamek: I lost
my wand!
CHAPTER 9: THE DEADLY DESERT
Larry’s gang return to the Star Spirit temple.
Geno: Good! Now I can put it back on the altar.
Geno puts the Star Rod back on the altar, and it changes to black.
Geno: What?!
The figure appears.
Figure: Ha! I’ve cursed the Star Rod, so if you do manage to reassemble it, darkness will still rule the world!
Geno: No! Quick! Remove it!
Larry goes to remove it, when the figure uses both wands at once to create a shadow Larry. The shadow Larry knocks out Larry, and darkness then spreads from the Star Rod. The Star changes to a skull, and the world becomes a really dark shade of its current colors. Everyone becomes black, with red lines!
P.T.: Just like in Twilight Princess!
The figure then reveals itself to be the Shadow Queen!
Group: Ahhhhhhhhh!
Geno tries to do the Geno Whirl, but the Shadow Queen shoots a shadow version, which destroys the attack, and Geno!
Group: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Shadow Queen: Now for you!
She conjures up a big disk, and hurls it at them. Suddenly, the group is warped to… Coin Heaven? Oh, and their original color schemes are back.
DAD: Welcome.
Larry: We died?
Purple: I guess.
P.T.: If we died, why are Larry, Kamek, Petey, and King Boo here? You guys would never get into heaven with the stuff you did!
DAD: You didn’t die, imbeciles! Now listen. The Shadow Queen has taken over Plit!
Group: Gasp!
DAD: But it’s not too late. If you can return the light to each area of Plit, you can un-curse the Star Rod. But first…
DAD conjures up a new wand for Kamek.
DAD: Now take this.
Larry: The Strange Sack? From Paper Mario 2?
DAD: Yes, but if you can find the light, you’ll have to put it in the sack. Oh, and NPCs like villagers or something will appear as ghosts. Not Boos, ghosts. Unless they were Boos. And they won’t be able to see you.
Larry: Just one question. Why are you a glowing ball of light? Aren’t you a Koopa?
DAD: No. Wendy (in the Phonebooth) only said I was a Koopa, because she is one. Every different species think I was one of their own. For example, Goombas think I was a Goomba.
Larry: Then what are you?
DAD: This is my true form. Now go, so I might change my mind about where you’ll spend your afterlife!
DAD sends them back to the new Twilit Toad Town Square. And they’re in their twilit colors again.
Purple: This is weird. I just hope Crazy Koopa and E-Man don’t think we’re stealing.
Larry: Well, we’re not. Anyway, where should we start?
King Boo: Why not Grass Land?
Larry: Grass Land is just a small part of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Purple: What about Desert Land?
Larry: Glad I thought of it!
Purple: …
The gang go to Desert Land. Nothing exciting really happens. Oh, and in my stories, Gritzy Desert, Dry Dry Desert, Shifting Sand Land, etc. all make up Desert Land. Except for that remote, far-off desert.
Larry: Ah, my brother’s domain.
What looks like the Angry Sun, only in the twilit color scheme lowers and starts screeching!
Larry: AH! HOW DO WE KILL THAT THING?!
Kamek: Water!
Kamek shoots a beam of water at the twilit sun, which begins screeching in pain and flies back up.
Purple: Look!
The gang looks over to see that a black flame is surrounding the Koopaseum.
P.T.: That looks promising!
Larry: Hey! Two ghost Fire Bros!
Ghost Fire Bro #1: I heard that if you put any elemental into the Dry Bones cannons, they’ll shoot those elements.
Ghost Fire Bro #2: That’s cheap.
Ghost Fire Bro #1: Who cares?
Kamek: Hmm! Maybe we can use that to our advantage! If we can go to the Dry Bones cannons, we can adjust them, so they face the Koopaseum. Then, we’ll fill the statues with light. Here.
He gives everyone a syringe filled with light. Larry and Kamek go to one statue, fighting off twilit Pokeys and twilit Bob-ombs. There, they inject the light into the statue, adjust it, and hit the blocks. At the same time, P.T. and Purple do the same thing at another statue. 2 beams are simultaneously hitting the Koopaseum. Meanwhile, P.T. and Purple go to another statue, and Petey and King Boo go to one. The same thing happens, until all 4 beams are hitting the Koopaseum. The black fire disappears, and they gather at the front door.
Kamek: Good work, everyone! Now we can enter the Koopaseum!
They do. Inside the Koopaseum, they see another cloaked figure sitting on a throne where Petey’s pipe used to be.
Petey: Not my pipe. That was my grandfather’s pipe. And this place is exactly as he described it!
Purple: Good for you. Not.
Figure: Who dares enter my new palace?
P.T.: It’s a stadium.
Figure: SILENCE!
P.T.: My line!
Figure: SILENCE!
The figure reveals itself to be Tutankoopa, only in a twilit color scheme. And the Chomp thing on his hat is a ball of light.
Larry: Tutankoopa? What are you doing? You work for… Well, I guess Ludwig, now.
Tutankoopa: Ever since the queen took over the world, I became in charge. Now perish!
He uses black fire to block off the exits, and a giant twilit Chomp appears, which Tutankoopa sits on.
TWILIT PHARAOH: TUTANKOOPA
P.T.: Meep.
Those fish on Spongebob: Meep.
Kamek: I have an idea! The ball of light on his hat-thing must be where Desert Land’s light is! If we can just break it, the light will come out!
Purple: Got it!
Purple throws his axe at the ball, but the Chomp jumps up and eats it.
Purple: … I’d say, “0_0”, but twilit color schemes don’t have eyes in them.
P.T. pulls out the Hero’s Bow and Hawkeye, but…
P.T.: Crud. Out of arrows. But I still have the Slingshot! … Wait, I’m out of pumpkin seeds. Crud.
Kamek shoots a geometric shape spell at the twilit Chomp, and it becomes a twilit Goomba, which Tutankoopa squashes. When the twilit Goomba’s gone, the axe reappears, and Purple takes it.
Tutankoopa: Die!
Tutankoopa shoots balls of darkness. But Larry pulls out his racket, and volleys them back at Tutankoopa, stunning him. Purple then leaps at Tutankoopa with his axe (in slow motion), and slashes the sphere. It shatters, and light floods out! Suddenly, Desert Land glows, then stops. When it stops, it’s back to normal. All the twilit and ghost versions of things become normal, the colors become their original, brighter shades, and the flames blocking the heroes’ exit are gone. Some light goes into the Strange Sack.
Purple: Yeah! I saved Desert Land!
Tutankoopa is lying on the floor.
Tutankoopa: What happened?
King Boo: The Shadow Queen covered Plit in darkness, but we managed to take back Desert Land. But that’s the only place so far, so don’t leave Desert Land.
Tutankoopa: ‘Kay.
The gang leave the Koopaseum, and start heading for the Desert Land exit.
Larry: You know, this will take a while. If we split up, we might be able to take back the light faster.
Kamek: He’s right. We’ll each pick a place to go, then go return the light.
Others: Okay.
Larry: So once we re-enter the twilight, we’ll each go our different ways. We’ll save the Mushroom Kingdom for last. So when we’re done, we’ll meet back in Toad Town Square.
The gang find a wall of twilight at the exit, and get pulled in.