Paper Mario: Goomba Star Saga

By Keroh Toad

Prologue: The Beginning

Iggy: You couldn't come up with a better name than "The Beginning"?

No. Be quiet and listen to the story now.

Iggy: But I don't want to listen to th-


Mario is sitting on a couch watching TV.

Elmo (on TV): I know where you live, kids! So be good little children... OR ELSE!!!

Mario: Yeah. Like THAT'S really gonna scare me.

It has been years since Grodus and the X-Nauts were defeated, and Mario has become extremely bored.

Luigi: I made cheese fondue!

Mario: Does anyone ever get tired of the cheese jokes?

Luigi: This is the first time Keroh used one.

Mario: Fine, I'll eat it.

Mario goes over to a table and puts on a bib.

Mario: You haven't told anyone about the bib thing, have you?

Luigi: Uh... No...

Miles away we see the Traveling Sisters 3 giggling at a picture of Mario with a bib on.

Luigi: No I haven't...

Mario: Good. It's kind of a family secret, y'know?

Luigi: Then why did Mom always tell her friends about it?

Mario: Because I was 2 years old at the time. I think I remember something about Yoshi when I was a baby. I was always getting trapped by bubbles that smelled like onions inside and made me cry, though.

Luigi: Whatever.

While the Brothers had a casual conversation... which then turned into an argument with words than cannot be repeated... there was a gathering of Goombas in Teehee Valley.

Goomba with a crown on: Are there any questions?

Spiny Goomba: Is there an AC here, O great Goomba King?


Spiny Goomba: No, but Charlie over there did...

Goomba: I still can't find that darn TV... WHERE ARE YOU, MR. TV?!

King Goomba: We aren't going to waste time getting an air conditioner. Any real questions?

Ghost Goomba: Why are we gonna take over Teehee Valley first?

King Goomba: Because it's wide and practically empty, except for some Gritty Goombas, thus making it the easiest to takeover.

Ghost Goomba: Oh, ok.


Goomba: WhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyYYYyYYYYYYYYYY?

King Goomba: Because you guys are asking stupid questions.


Elmo: Kids, be good! OR ELSE I WILL DESTROY YOU! To be good you must eat Chunky Choky Kooky Poofs! The cereal that's BAD for you! Buy it quick before the parents find out we're hiding this commercial in Plit and cut us off. BUY IT TODA-


Back at Mario's House, the argument is over... but the house is a wreck, and smothered in cheese.

Mario: Brother, let's promise never to fight again. At the cost of my house being destroyed, I don't want to fight anymore.

Luigi: Ok.

Luigi starts to cross his fingers behind his back.

Mario: Let's go get some pizza instead.

Mario stands up from a chair with a broken leg and starts to walk toward the door. Right before he opens the door, the TV turns on by itself.

Princess Peach (on TV): Mario! A group of Goombas are planning to takeover all of Plit, starting with Teehee Valley! Go to Rogueport to meet up with some of your friends and take a ship to the Beanbean Kingdom! End Transmission.

The TV shuts off by itself.

Luigi: It's a good thing I bought that new high definition flat screen TV that can receive messages without you having to turn it on.

Mario: Where did you get the money?

Luigi: Uh... um... Y-your... uh... your, college... fund...


Luigi: Sorry...

Mario: Ugh... Whatever. I'll just go save the world. While I'm gone you can go fix up the house again.

Luigi starts to get mad.

Mario: Uh... Bye!

Mario runs out the door, leaving Luigi behind. While Luigi just stands there, a Princess Peach mini sculpture falls off a crooked shelf and lands on his head, shattering on impact.

Luigi: You know what? I'm not gonna clean it this time. I'm gonna go out for pizza. With the remaining 7 million coins I have from Mario's college fund, I'm gonna buy some more stuff.

Luigi walks out the door, leaving it open. Meanwhile...

King Goomba: Now that we're all set, let's all spread out and takeover every inch of this desert.

While all the Goombas spread out, one confused Goomba wanders off in the wrong direction.

Charlie the Goomba: I wonder where that TV is...

Iggy: FINALLY! The story is over.

No. It's gonna be continued.

Iggy: WHAT? Someone help me! I'm being held here against my will!

Uh, anyway it's time to start the annoying questions:

Will the Goombas be able to takeover Plit? Will Mario get to them and stomp down their little faces in the sand before they do? Will Charlie ever find the TV? Will Iggy ever shut up? Find out in the next part.

Chapter 1: Rogueport Ship

Iggy: At least that title is better than "The Beginning".

When will you ever shut up about that?

Iggy: When you change that last title.


Last time, Mario was heading toward Rogueport to get a ship to the Beanbean Kingdom, Luigi was loose with Mario's money, and a little Goomba named Charlie was on a journey to find a gigh definition flat screen TV.

Charlie: TV! Oh TV! I'm gonna find yooouu! MARCO...!

Meanwhile, Mario has been walking, ever since the prologue, to Rogueport. Eventually he gets there.

Mario: (panting) Who would've thought those little Shy Guys would put up such a fight?

Mario looks up and sees Rogueport.

Mario: Finally...

At Petey's Pizza Palace...

Luigi: Hello? Petey?

Petey: Yes?

Luigi: I'd like to buy the usual.

Petey: Ok.

Petey walks into the kitchen.

Petey: You guys gotta start working harder than usual. Luigi's back... and he wants the usual!

Snifit Cook: The usual? I CAN'T DO IT! IT'S TOO MUCH!

The Snifit cook runs out of the room screaming hysterically.

Chef Boo: How are we gonna make the usual without our main cook?

Petey: You're gonna work hard.

Chef Boo: That's what they all say, but it never works.

Petey: I know.

Chef Shy Guy: You're a bad manager.

Petey: ... I know...

Back in Rogueport, Mario is buying a ticket to go to the Beanbean Kingdom.

Mario: I'd like one ticket for Beanbean Kingdom.

Shy Guy: Okay... That'll be 728 coins.

Mario: Okay, I think this'll cover it...

Mario wiggles his hand around in his pocket but doesn't find anything.

Mario: Heh heh, I think I have exact change around here somewhere...

At Petey's Pizza Palace...

Luigi: The fact of having Mario's College Fund... gets better when I know I got the 728 coins Mario had in his pocket...

In Rogueport...

Mario: Hey! There's a piece of paper in here...

Luigi: ...and I left a nasty note in his pocket.

Mario reads the note.

Mario: LUIGI!!!

Shy Guy: While you start yelling at your brother that's not even here, I'm gonna get to my other PAYING customers... so please move over.

Mario walks away.

Mario: Now how am I gonna get to Beanbean Kingdom?

???: With some help!

Mario turns around to see Goombella.

Mario: Huh? But you're a Goomba. Aren't you gonna help to takeover the world?

Goombella: Hang out with those weirdos? No way. I got a message from Princess Peachy or whatever her name is to meet you here. Looks like we're going on another adventure!

Mario: Ok... Where's Koops?

Goombella: He stayed home with his girlfriend.

Mario: Riiight.

Goombella: Besides, I got someone better.

A pink Bob-omb walks up to Mario and Goomba.

Goombella: She's my best friend, Bombelle.

Bombelle: Nice to meet you, um... Mario ^_^

Mario: Thanks. What can you do?

Goombella: Her special ability is blowing stuff up without her dying.

Bombelle blows up to show Mario.

Mario: Nice. But how are we gonna get to Beanbean Kingdom?

Goombella: I have 700 coins.

Bombelle: And I have 400.

Mario: I see.

So Mario, Goombella, and Bombelle wait in line.

Mario: This shouldn't take too long.

2 hours and 37 minutes later...

Mario: I spoke too soon.

Eventually they get to buy the tickets. But...

Goombella: The next ship to Beanbean Kingdom comes in 17 HOURS?!

Shy Suy: There's been a delay on the ship. Something about bubble gum making the steering things stuck.

Mario: Well that's just great.

17 hours later...

Shy Guy (on intercom): Attention everybody! The ship to go to Beanbean Kingdom has arrived! Please get on board immediately and have your tickets ready.

Mario: We're the only ones that want to go to BeanBean Kingdom.

Shy Guy: Just get on.

Bombelle: I wonder where all these people want to go.

Shy Guy: Everyone else here is heading towards Toad Town. It's pretty obvious when they're all Mushrooms.

Keroh Toad: Well, we're finally going home to Toad Town.

Mario: Hey, that Keroh Toad looks a bit familiar...

Goombella: Whatever! Let's get on the ship already!

Mario and his friends go onto the ship.

Chubby Shy Suy: Ticket, please.

Mario: Huh?

Chubby Shy Guy: TICKET, PLEASE!!!

Mario: Geez, you don't have to yell.

Mario gives the Chubby Shy Guy 3 tickets and they go to look for a seat.

Goombella: This ship seems quiet. Too quiet.

Mario: It's practically empty, did you think it would be as loud as Vegas in here?

Goombella: Maybe...

Meanwhile, Charlie the Goomba is still waiting for the High Definition Flat Screen TV to say Polo....


... And at Petey's Pizza Palace...

Petey: Are you guys almost done?

Chef Boo: The usual only takes 3 hours with our main cook. Since he left now it'll take about 30 hours!

Petey: Well, hurry it up! The other customers are starting a riot out there and some of them are threatening to sue!

Chef Shy Guy: Why don't they just go to Priscilla's Pizza Palace?

Petey: Because everyone knows that Priscilla's pizzas taste bad.

Chef Boo: Actually, her pizzas taste pretty good.

Petey glares at Chef Boo.

Petey: You're working until midnight on the weekends.

Chef Boo: Nooooo! Those were my only days off!

Petey: I know.

Iggy: Is the story over yet?

No there's still more.


After Iggy shuts up... we're going to have our commercial break.

Iggy: I will never cease my talking. You can't make m-


Petey: Feeling a craving for pizza? Well come on down to PETEY'S PIZZA PALACE!

Chef Boo: Where you have to pay, while the chefs work hard all day.

Luigi: And where you can make your order take up to 70 hours to make!

Petey: If you try to sue us, WE'LL DESTROY YOU!

Chef Shy Guy: That explains all the ashes.

Petey: You'll be a pile of ash too if you don't be quiet!


Petey: That's better...


Iggy: That's it, I'm calling Roy.

Iggy's phone blows up for no apparent reason.

Iggy: Curse your narrating abilities.

Back at the ship...

Mario: Well, we'd better get comfy. It's gonna take a while to get there.

Bombelle: It's only been five minutes and we're already halfway there.

Mario: Really? Cool.

Chubby Shy Guy (on intercom): Attention passengers! Waiters are now coming out with complimentary cheese blocks.

Mario: Ok... Two times Keroh uses the cheese joke is ok....

Meanwhile, in Teehee Valley...

King Goomba: I can't believe you imbeciles can't even take over a deserted desert!

Millions of Goombas are seen upside down with their heads in the sand.

Spiny Goomba: The sand... .was... *cough* ...too much...

King Goomba: Hey, where did Charlie go?

Spiny Goomba: Nobody has seen him since we started to take ov... I mean, trying to takeover TeeHee Valley.

King Goomba: Oh well. He wasn't much of a good minion anyway.

By now, Charlie the Goomba has walked halfway across the Mushroom Kingdom. Anyway, on the ship it seems like Mario, Goombella, and Bombelle are about to make it to the Beanbean Kingdom.

Mario: Those cheese blocks taste good.

The 3 heroes have already finished eating the food. Yet another anouncement is about to be made.

Chubby Shy Guy (on intercom): We are experiencing a few minor difficulties... but we can surely make it through to Beanbean Kingdom.

Bombelle: What does he mean by "minor difficulties"?

Mario: Let's find out.

They all look out a window to see Cheep Cheeps ramming the ship.

Goombella: Why are they doing that? Are they, like, crazy?

Mario: This doesn't look good.

Continuous Question Time!:

Will our heroes make it to the Beanbean Kingdom? Will the High Definition Flat Screen TV ever say POLO? Will the chefs be able to make the usual? Will we ever find out what's the usual? Will Keroh Toad use the cheese joke again? Can the Goombas get back up and try taking over a different place? Find out in the next part.

This chapter was brought to you by Petey's Pizza Palace, Where you have to pay, while the chefs work hard all day!

Read on!

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