Chapter 4: Ruin of the Beanbeans
Wario and Waluigi randomly land in the Mine Cart Guy's area.
Mine Cart Guy: Ride the mine carts and collect crystals in order to meet me at the end!
Wario: Wait... If we're in mine carts, then how will you get to the end first?
Mine Cart Guy: Teleporter.
Waluigi: LET US USE IT!
Mine Cart Guy: No.
Wario: Why?
Mine Cart Guy: DAD wills it!
Wario: Come ON! That's getting as annoying as "Do not question things you cannot understand"!
Mine Cart Guy: Well, wadda goin' to do about it?
Waluigi: We'll... um... TAKE YOUR DOG HOSTAGE!
Mine Cart Guy: Fine, do that all you want. In fact, I'll make a deal with y'all. Hold onto my little precious for more than five minutes, and you can use my teleporter. Fail, and y'all have to swear allegiance to the great Mine Cart Legion!
Waluigi: The what?
Wario: We accept.
Mine Cart Guy: Good...
The dog suddenly turns into a Bonetail-esque creature with Bowser's menacing shell, flowing with electricity and with Shadow Queen-like skin.
Dog Creature: I... am... DOGMA!
Wario and Waluigi: D'oh!
Wario and Waluigi try to grab onto the dog for more than a second. Waluigi is tossed off before this count, but Wario remains on.
Wario: This is gunna be the end of me, unless I do something fast... WAIT!
Wario throws Waluigi into the air. Thinking that the puny stick-man is an actual stick, Dogma flies out of the cave. However, he's so fast, he flies into space.
Mine Cart Guy: 0.0
Wario: So... can we use the teleporter?
Mine Cart Guy: Well, since I don't have a giant monster to protect me anymore... sure!
Waluigi lands on the teleporter, sending him to the end of the cave. Wario quickly follows. A few seconds later, they emerge on the other side.
Wario: That was so awkward, I really don't want to talk about it.
Morton: Me neither.
Two things: MORTON DOESN'T WANT TO TALK?! And, Morton, get back to wherever you appear first.
Morton: But this is where I appear first.
-_-
Morton: Fine.
Morton disappears like Iggy did.
Wario: Whatever.
Wario and Waluigi walk to a field outside Beanbean Castle Town.
Waluigi: Wait... Why are we going here again?
Wario: The stupid bean guy said the ugly thing with Peach's voice was there!
Waluigi: Oh yeah.
Suddenly, three Beanies appear before the idiots.
Beanie 1: I hate you.
Beanie 2: HEY! ME TOO!
Beanie 3: Shall we destroy them?
Beanies 1 and 2: Let's.
However, Wario and Waluigi have long since passed these three.
Beanies: HEY! GET BACK HERE AND LET US DESTROY YOU!
The Beanies go in pursuit. However, they stop because...
Lakipea: SHARPEA CROSSING!
Beanies: What?
Lakipea: I let these two guys get across this long line of Sharpeas that are right in front of you!
Beanies: -_-
Lakipea: Don't worry, you'll be able to move as soon as...
Lakipea looks at this script.
Lakipea: As soon as Wario and Waluigi get to Joke's End!
Beanies: OH NO!
Wario and Waluigi stroll right into Beanbean Castle Town. However, it's in ruins.
Waluigi: What happened?
Dying Beanish: It was *gasp*
Wario: An ugly witch-thing?
Dying Beanish: No, actually it was Foreman Spike... X_X
Waluigi: What's X_X?
Dying Beanish: IDIOT! I just died! I'm trying to be dramatic! Work with me!
Wario: Oh...
Wario and Waluigi crush the Beanish corpse and slowly move to Beanbean Castle.
Beanbean Guard 1: Halt! Thou shant pass!
Wario: Uhg, does EVERYTHING here need subtitles?
Beanbean Guard 2: He said that you can't pass.
Waluigi: Hm... This all seems very familiar.
Wario: OH YEAH! Um... RANDOM BYSTANDER SAID YOU AREN'T IN THIS GAME!
Beanbean Guards: But we really are!
Wario: Oh... well... um... there's a Taco Eeker in a galaxy far, far away.
Beanbean Guards: OH MY DAD!
The Beanbean guards use their Beanish magic to teleport to a galaxy far, far away. They meet the same fate as Tolstar. Anyway, the Wario Bros. go into the castle and get surrounded by guards.
Guards: HALT!
Wario: Um... Ahouldn't you all be looking for that Peasley guy?
Guards: OH MY DAD, YOU'RE RIGHT!
The guards all rush out of the castle. However, the bridge breaks under their combined weight.
Waluigi: Idiotic.
Wario: I agree!
...
Wario: What's with the ... ?
Oh, I though Iggy would be here by now.
Wario: Ah.
Iggy appears.
Iggy: Sorry I'm late; Roy filled my room with super glue again, then Ludwig took me in his new invention, and then I had a taco. Anyway *ahem* I agree!
Iggy disappears.
Wario: -_-
Waluigi: -_-
Lady Lima: EYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! Oh, I mean -_-
Wario: Where'd you come from?
Lady Lima: That door behind you.
Waluigi: Why do you sound like... Cackletta, was it?
Lady Lima: Because I'M CACKLETTA!
Cackletta pulls off her disguise.
Cackletta: Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to do that yet.
Waluigi: Well... now what?
Wario: Give us back our money! I mean, Peach's voice!
Cackletta: EYEHEHEHEHEHEHE! Oh, I think not. At least until I rule the world.
Wario: Will you give us Peach's voice if we help you conquer the world?
Cackletta: Um... sure. Just go down to the sewers and fix the plumbing, so I can steal the Beanstar. Then, just wait right at the front of the castle for a couple of hours, and I'll return with Peach's voice, mmkay?
Wario: What's mmkay?
Cackletta: Okay in a strange way.
Wario: Wait, couldn't we just beat the stuffing out of you?
Cackletta: I have money...
Wario Bros: Sold.
Cackletta: Good...
Cackletta raises her hand to reveal a remote control. Lightning strikes Waluigi.
Cackletta: Note to self: do not raise hand when negotiating well with enemies.
Cackletta presses a button on the remote control, which causes a trapdoor to open next to Wario and Waluigi.
Cackletta: Um... Could you please jump in?
Wario: NO! I don't like jumping.
Random Voice: DON'T DO IT!
Waluigi: Huh?
Random Voice: I am the voice of Lady Lima, who is trapped inside a prison at the end of this sewer! Please, don't free the Beanstar.
Wario: But she's paying us...
Lady Lima: I'll pay you double.
Wario Bros: Sold.
The Wario Bros. walk behind Cackletta.
Cackletta: Huh?
Waluigi turns off a switch that says "Beanstar Security System Control". He then slowly walks down the long, windy staircase to the basement. He then raises it up before Lany Lima.
Waluigi: Done.
Lady Lima: Good...
Lady Lima hands Waluigi a sack of coins. Waluigi walks back up the stairs.
Cackletta: Wait, what just happened?
Fawful appears.
Fawful: It appears that you, Mistress Cackletta, are in the being of that which is an idiot for the time that was in the being.
He said you were being an idiot.
Cackletta: Seriously, why didn't I notice that?
What part of "YOU WERE BEING AN IDIOT" do you not get?
Cackletta: But I'm usually a lot smarter.
All right, fine, you were hit in the head for a minute, and now you’ce regained your intellect. Happy?
Cackletta: Yes, I'm satisfied.
Lady Lima's Voice: WAIT! WALUIGI, YOU FORGOT TO GIVE ME THE BEANSTAR!
Waluigi: I know.
Waluigi and Wario walk into the next room. Cackletta and Fawful follow them. They see the Wario Bros. huddled up in front of a computer with the Beanstar in a cage.
Cackletta: What are you guys doing?
Waluigi: Operation 1839.
Wario: AKA, Take an old lady's money, steal the Beanstar, outsmart a witch and an insanee, and sell the Beanstar on Ebay.
Cackletta: OHMYDAD! I NEED TO GET TO A COMPUTER!
Cackletta runs to a computer.
Cackletta: Well, let's see who the other bidders are.
Cackletta logs onto "CRAZYOLDHAG2". She then goes to the Wario Bros’ Beanstar.
Cackletta: Let me see... OMG! ONLY ONE BEANBEAN COIN?!
Cackletta bids. Five hours later...
Ebay Guy: One coin, please.
Cackletta gives the Ebay guy a coin.
EBay Guy: And here's your Beanstar!
Ebay Guy gives Cackletta the Beanstar. Fawful suddenly swoops into the room and fries the Ebay Ggy.
Cackletta: Now, they will never know...
Wario and Waluigi randomly walk into the room.
Cackletta: HAHAHA! We have ULTIMATE POWER!
Wario: AND WE'RE ONE COIN RICHER! EVERYBODY WINS!
Cackletta: EXCEPT YOU! PREPARE TO MEET THE QUEEN!
Waluigi: Why? And, hey, where's Peach's voice?
Cackletta: Fawful has it. And, for the sake of the author not having to type in Engrish again this chapter, you didn't make a deal with him, so we keep it.
Wario Bros: -_-
Cackletta: Anyway, here comes the queen! EYEHEHEHEHEHE!
Cackletta and Fawful fly away. A monstrous-looking Queen Bean suddenly drops down from the sky.
Queen Bean: BEAN SMASH!
Wario: Yeah, definitely the Hulk's wife.
Hulk Hogan: No she's not!
Queen Bean uses Hulk Hogan as a sword to beat up Waluigi.
Waluigi: Why me?
Hulk Hogan: Why the Hulk, too?
Holk Hogan gets thrown out of Beanbean Castle Town like a spear.
Wario: Well, that was pointless.
Queen Bean hits Wario on the head.
Queen Bean: GEARWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Waluigi: Awkward battle cry...
Wario: Let's take her down.
Waluigi: RIGHT!
Wario and Waluigi used the Boom Bros. attack they used on Tolstar. Queen Bean remains virtually unscathed.
Wario Bros: 0_o
Queen Bean: GEARWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Wario: I never thought I’d have to do this...
Wario... THINKS! The world ends, along with this story.
The End
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Lemmy: WAIT! What's with this hubbub? What about the script that Lakipea talked about? What about Wario's greed? What about Iggy and Morton's future appearances?
Lemmy... get back to where you appear first!
Lemmy: But, but...
*sigh* It was an idiotic poke at humor.
Lemmy: I hate when authors do this.
So do I...
Lemmy: But... Never mind...
Lemmy leaves. Back to the battle...
Wario: I GOT IT!
Wario knocks off Queen Bean's crown.
Queen Bean: GEARWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MY CROWN!
Queen Bean faints for some reason.
Waluigi: How'd you figure that out?
Wario: Elementry, my dear Waluigi...
One five-hour explanation later...
Wario: And that's how I knew that Queen Bean's power came from her Belly Blech Worm, which can be stunned by removing a piece of jewelry after complete nonsense.
Waluigi: 0.0
Wario: ... Wait, what happened?
Waluigi: You thought,
Wario: Me? NAH! Couldn't have!
Waluigi: -_-
Wario: Now what?
Lady Lima's Voice: FREE ME!
Wario: How about helping your queen?
Waluigi: Why are you being such a philanthropist?
Wario: I don't even know what that word means. But even if I did, I'm doing it for a reward.
Waluigi: Ah.
Lady Lima's Voice: If you can get the legendary Chuckola Reserve out of Chucklehuck Woods, the Belly Blech Worm will fly out of Queen Bean's body. We can pay you!
Wario: BINGO!
Waluigi: Whatever.
And so, Wario
and Waluigi set off on another sidequest for money.
Chapter 5: Laughs in the Dark
Wario: What's with the title?
You'll see...
Waluigi: *gulp*
The Wario Bros. pass the line of Beanies.
Wario: Hey, weird guys!
Beanies: GET THE !#%$@#$ OVER HERE YOU $%^#%^#$%@$^&#%&$% @$^%$@%^@$%^#$!
Wario and Waluigi have already walked away.
Beanie 1: Say... Where do all of these Sharpeas come from, anyway?
Lakipea: A Sharpea-making machine.
Beanie 2: And why are they crossing the road?
Lakipea: To get to the other side, DUH!
Beanies: -_-
Wario and Waluigi get to the ledge that Chetu de Chucklehuck is behind.
Wario: Now what?
Waluigi: Take the escalator that was conveniently built by Foreman Spike?
Wario: All right.
Wario and Waluigi get up the escalator and the two Chucklhuck guards grab them.
Chucklhuck Guard 1: HALT! THOU SHANT PASS!
Chucklhuck Guard: He said you can't pass
Waluigi: Wait... isn't this the THIRD time the author has used the same joke?
Just for that, I'm coming down there!
Wario: What can you do?
Well, I need enough attacks to give myself a bio, don't I?
Waluigi: True...
The Dryest Bones teleports onto the Chucklehuck guards. They then randomly explode.
Wario Bros: 0.0
The Dryest Bones: Now, let's battle!
Wario (45/45 HP)
Waluigi (40/40
HP)
VS
The Dryest Bones
(5/5 HP)
Wario and Waluigi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The Dryest Bones: Sh... sh... SHUT UP!
Wario uses "Iron Knuckle". 5 damage.
Wario and Waluigi win!
The Dryest Bones just falls into a pile of himself.
Wario: Well, that was meaningless.
Waluigi: Yeah...
Wario and Waluigi walk into the maze of barrels.
Wario: Great... a maze.
Waluigi: THINK AGAIN! THINK AGAIN!
Wario: No, it was a one-time free trial offer.
Waluigi: Darn.
Wario punches the barrels that are blocking his way.
Waluigi: That works too...
Wario just walks to the other side of the maze. He hears horrible sounds that sound like a suffering Waluigi behind him. Suddenly, he turns around and sees...
???: HAHAHA! I'm the great master Shadow Thief, POPPLE! And now, I will steal everything you have!
Wario: Wait, you're POPPLE?!
Popple: Yes...
Wario starts bowing in front of Popple.
Wario: ALL HAIL THE GREAT POPPLE!
Popple: O...k...
Wario: Oh, what can I do for you, O Master? Can I please be your apprentice?
Popple: Sorry, already have one. OH ROOKIE JR!
Wario: How do you know he's a junior?
Popple: I dunno. He just looks like a junior, I guess.
Bowser Junior in a ski mask jumps in front of Popple.
Rookie Jr: Yes, boss?
Popple: Junior, I want you to attack this guy, see?
Rookie Jr: Yes, boss.
Wario: What have I done?
Popple: You are trying to steal something I want to steal.
Wario: How did you know I was gonna steal the Chuckola Reserve?
Popple: You just told me. That, and the purple guy I bound and gagged kept telling me.
Wario: Of course!
Wario bows down in front of Popple. Then, he gives him a roundhouse kick to the face.
Wario: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! WARIO IS GREAT! HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED IDOLS LIKE YOU!
Popple: Grrrrr!
Popple grabs Wario and stuffs him in a barrel with Waluigi.
Popple: That's great, see?
Rookie Jr: Let's GO GO GO GO GO!
Popple: A simple go would've sufficed.
Popple and Rookie Jr. walk into the next room.
Cork: H3110.
Popple: You're talking in L33T now?
Cask: Y3Z. W3 wi11 PWN 1)a N00BZ THAT R U! ROFL!
Cork: ROFL!
Popple: Whatever.
Popple shoves Cork and Cask into a barrel. He tries to run out, but for some reason he can't.
Popple and Rookie Jr: What are we doing?
Weird Man: Waitin’ for the shadow scum to harden.
Popple: What's shadow scum?
Weird Man: Super Glue-like stuff. Just black. Fits the chapter.
Rookie Jr: Who are you?
Weird Man: Scruffy, the janitor.
Popple: This place has a janitor? Because in the 2,781 times I've toured this place, I've never seen you.
Scruffy: Scruffy doesn't like to get out much.
Popple: Ah.
Rookie Jr: When does this harden?
Scruffy: Scruffy dunno.
Three days later...
Wario: All right, this barrel is getting uncomfortable.
Wario punches it with his iron knuckles, breaking it.
Waluigi: Why didn't you do that THREE DAYS AGO?!
Wario: I was scared of the people talking L33T in the next room. They stopped squealing just a couple minutes ago.
Waluigi: YOU FOOL! I FEEL STUPIDER EVEN BEING IN THIS BARREL!
Scruffy walks in.
Scruffy: Two things: you are stupid, and Scruffy isn't cleanin’ up the mess in the next room. Oh, and Popple told Scruffy to give you this.
Scruffy gives Wario a note, then slowly leaves.
Popple's Note: Dear Fat Idiot, I made Bowser Jr. paint something that'll stop you. Don't even bother going in the next room. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Hugs and kisses, Great Shadow Thief Popple.
Wario: That was nice of him!
Wario and Waluigi walk into the next room. However...
Giant Oozing Plant Monster: SCHREECH!
Wario and Waluigi: Who are you?
TWILIT PARASITE: DIABABA
Waluigi: The first boss of Twilight Princess?
I'm not very good at it...
Wario: How far?
Death Mountain...
Waluigi: HA! I'm already in the Palace of Twilight!
Grrrrrr!
Out of my pure anger, Diababa explodes.
Ook: Now what am I supposed to do?
Waluigi: Break those barrels?
Ook: I'M ON IT!
Ook breaks all of the barrels, and then explodes.
Wario: Well, this is pathetic.
Waluigi: YEAH! All that's here are several thousand Chuckola Fruits and two skeletons that look like their eyes have been burnt out from playing World of Warcraft for too long.
Wario: Well, stuff your pockets with fruit, and get a move on!
The Wario Bros. soon find themselves in a situation where Cork and Cask's moves would've come in handy.
Wario: Now what?
Waluigi: I have an idea...
Waluigi makes himself bleed.
Waluigi: SUMMONING JUTSU!
Waluigi summons the Boss Toad, Gamabuta.
Wario: Where'd we get the Naruto reference?
Naruto: HEY! THIS HUNK OF WARTS IS MY BOSS! GET OFF!
Waluigi: No, you get off!
Naruto: No, you get off! SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!
Gamabuta: *sigh* I hate these kids. I'm going for some sak... I mean, water.
Gamabuta goes to a nearby bar.
Naruto 87: FEEL OUR WRATH, SKINNY THING!
Waluigi: Um... LOOK! SAUSKE IS LOOKING BETTER THAN YOU IN THAT EXPLODING BAR!
Narutos: We're there!
All of the Narutos go into the exploding bar. All of them and Gamabuta perish.
Wario: We should really stop the cameos.
Lemmy: Yeah, this is just getting pathetic.
Lemmy leaves like he did the last time he commented.
Wario: O...k... That was useless.
Waluigi: NOT TRUE! That explosion cleared the path to the Chuckola Reserve!
Wario: How do you know this?
Waluigi: Because there's a cave that says "To the Chuckola Reserve" on it that wasn't there until the area exploded.
Wario: Whatever.
Wario goes into a dank, dark cavern with Waluigi. The two appear right next to Chuckleroot.
Chuckleroot: Give me Chuckola Fruit, and then you can pass.
Wario and Waluigi empty their pockets of Orange Chuckola Fruit. Chuckleroot eats all of these, becoming even larger.
Chuckleroot: Now, I need SPECIAL Chuckola fruit!
Wario: And if we refuse?
Chuckleroot: I eat you.
Waluigi: We can run.
Chuckleroot: I control the forest. I control your fate! Would you like this vine to strangle you?
Chuckleroot causes a vine from a nearby tree to coil and snap like a snake.
Waluigi: No no, that's not necessary.
Wario and Waluigi follow the left path to the Chuckola Fruits.
RED CHUCKOLA FRUIT
Wario and Waluigi walk through the woods, mugging all of the innocent Chuck Guys and Pestnuts along the way. Eventually, they make it to the area with the Wiggler.
Wiggler: Could you get me out?
Wario: Sure.
Wario pulls Wiggler out of his shrub.
Wiggler: How DARE you pull me out of there?!
Waluigi: But you asked us to.
Wiggler: NO I DIDN'T!
Wario: YES YOU DID!
Wiggler: Well, hello there guys! Did you know I have memory loss? I'm sure glad I'm not angry at you. Otherwise, you'd be dead right now!
Waluigi: This is useless.
Wiggler: WHO ARE YOU?!
Wario: UGH!
Wario tosses Wiggler somewhere. Then, he plows through the hedge and takes the Red Chuckola Fruit.
Wario: Easy as cake.
Bundt falls from the sky.
Bundt: I'll KILL you for saying that comment.
Wario: What do you have to do with Shadows or Darkness?
Bundt: I'm DARK CHOCOLATE NOW!
Wario: And that makes ALL the difference.
Wario eats Bundt. Raspberry jumps out.
Raspberry: FREE! I'M FREE! NOW I'LL TAKE REVENGE ON YOU MEDDLESOME... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! AHHHHHHHHH!
Wario eats Rasberry too. Then, he leaves through the hole he made.
Waluigi: Well, let's go for Purple next.
PURPLE CHUCKOLA FRUIT
Wario and Waluigi go to the cave with the Purple Chuckola Fruit. Chuckleroot's grandaughter grows in front of them.
Wario Bros: DON'T EAT US!
Chuckleroot's Grandaughter: NO!
Waluigi: Wait...
Waluigi puts a Bob-omb in Chuckleroot's grandaughter's mouth, and runs for it. Wario follows.
Grandaughter: Aw snap.
Chuckleroot's grandaughter explodes. Somehow, the explosion causes the Chuckola Fruit to fly into Waluigi's head.
Waluigi: Why me?
Wario: NEXT!
WHITE CHUCKOLA FRUIT
Wario: Hm... Now what?
Waluigi: Some more Cork and Cask moves. Wait, how do I even know who those guys are? They were dead!
The Dryest Bones suddenly buries out of the ground.
The Dryest Bones: REVENGE!
The Dryest Bones somehow makes a nearby pile of bones and constructs them into 3 perfect Dry Bones.
The Dryest Bones: Meet my DRYER BONES!
Wario: Lame.
Dryer Bones 2: I really hate you.
Dryer Bones 1: HEY! ME TOO!
All of the Dryer Bones try to attack Wario and Waluigi.
Wario: ULTIMATE PUNCH!
With all of his brawny muscle, Wario knocks all of the Dryer Bones into a perfect staircase to the White Chuckola Fruit.
The Dryest Bones: I SHALL FLEE!
The Dryest Bones runs away, but falls into a randomly-placed explosives bay. He then goes to his normal place: flying through the sky.
Waluigi: Well, let's collect our prize.
Waluigi slowly walks over the bone stairs and gets the White Chuckola Fruit. He then just walks back.
Wario: Well, let's go back to that giant tree that eats stuff.
Wario and Waluigi walk back to Chuckleroot.
Chuckleroot: FEED ME!
Wario stuffs all of the fruit into Chuckleroot's mouth.
Chuckleroot: You can't pass.
Waluigi: Why?
Chuckleroot: I'm too fat to move, and you killed my granddaughter. So *ahem* " HALT! THOU SHANT PASS!"
Wario: Wait...
Wario stuffs a Bob-omb into Chuckleroot's mouth, and runs away. Chuckleroot explodes just like his granddaughter, only all of the trees suddenly die and Chuckola Fruit goes raining everywhere. Suddenly, Popple and Rookie Jr. jump out of nowhere.
Popple: I knew it was a stroke of genius when I waited for you two to destroy the man-eating tree! And look, I even got a new ride.
Wiggler in a ski mask comes out of nowhere.
Wiggler: I REMEMBER YOU TWO! DIE!
Wario: Don't people that are teamed with Popple usually LOSE their memory?
Popple: He already was losing his memory, so it had the opposite effect. Anyway, WE'RE GOLDEN, SEE? CHUCKOLA RESERVE, HO!
Wiggler speeds off with Popple and Rookie Jr. on his back.
Wiggler: I'm a HER, IDIOTS!
Wario: Um... Not my problem.
Waluigi: We’ve got to steal that first!
Wario and Waluigi run very fast to the Chuckola Reserve Holding Area. Inside, they see Popple, Rookie Jr, and Wiggler stuffed inside a barrel. They also see an old man telling corny jokes to a barrel of soda.
Bubbles: I'm Bubbles, a corny old man! I have stocks growing everywhere!
Soda gains 5 HP
Bubbles: Dr. Duck is such a quack!
Soda gains 10 HP
Wario: Is that the Chuckola Reserve?
Bubbles: Is my brother scary?
Wario: Um...
Bubbles: The answer is yes.
Waluigi: Yes to the Reserve, or yes to the brother?
Bubbles: Both.
Wario: YES... EWWWW!
Soda gains 20 HP
Waluigi: Can we have it?
Bubbles: My brother?
Waluigi: No, the soda!
Bubbles: Not if you can't defeat it.
Wario: What?
The Chuckola Reserve suddenly turns into the Chuckolator!
Wario: Aw crud.
Bubbles: HA! THIS IS MY INVINCIBLE MONSTER! THIS STORY IS SO FULL OF CORNY JOKES, THE CHUCKOLATOR HAS EXCEEDED THE HP CAP! HE IS NOW THE ULTIMATE BEING! AND ONLY A YOSHI CAN TRULY ENJOY HIS DELICIOUS FLAVOR!
Suddenly, Shadow the Yoshi comes.
Shadow: So, I FINALLY get a cameo?
YES! Just do the first thing I told you, and finish off the rest.
Shadow: All right.
Shadow drinks the Chuckolator. He then spits the harmless Chuckola Reserve into a nearby plastic bowl.
Bubbles: AHHHHH!
Bubbles runs into Popple, who was preparing to launch out of the Chuckola Plant with a Bob-omb. The two collide. Bubbles perishes, and Popple's gang gets blasted away.
Shadow: Hm... THIS would make for an interesting attraction to my show.
Waluigi: GIVE IT BACK!
Shadow: Only if you can defeat me.
Wario: CHARGE!
Wario and Waluigi both charge at Shadow. Shadow simply floats over them.
Shadow: With my cape empowered by the Super Feather, there is no way that I can be defeated!
Wario: Wanna bet? ROUND 2!
Wario tries to throw a punch at Shadow, but Shadow simply dodges it and punches him back.
Wario: We need a different challenge.
Shadow agreed.
Shadow defeats Wario and Waluigi at many other challenges, including...
TRIVIA!
Chuck Quizmo: What is the name of Cackletta's minion? WARIO!
Wario: Um... "Cackletta's most bestest pupil that is only described by the phrase that is exclaimed as I HAVE FURY!"
Chuck Quizmo: WRONGO! Shadow?
Shadow: Fawful.
Chuck Quizmo: THAT'S RIGHT!
VIDEO GAMES!
Wario: UGH! I GIVE UP!
Shadow: You do realize we're playing WarioWare, right?
CLEARING A ROOM!
Wario: WARIO WAFT!
Wario clears out a room full of people, except for those without noses.
Shadow: *sigh* LOOK! MONEY! IN TOPEKA!
THOUSANDS of people pour into the room and dash to Topeka, which actually doesn't exist on Plit.
73 1/2 challenges later...
Wario: All right, I give up.
Shadow: About time!
Shadow is about to leave, but gets rammed into by Foreman Spike.
Foreman Spike: Welcome to my new parking lot!
Wario and Waluigi take the bowl of Chuckola Reserve and run out. Meanwhile, Shadow gets run over more.
Shadow: Well, it could be worse. I could've wound up like Mark...
The camera shows that Mark has been run over by about every character imaginable except for the Beanies, who are still waiting for the Sharpeas to cross.
Shadow: Well, I guess I'll leave.
Shadow flies up to The Merciless.
Slasher: Any orders, sir?
Shadow: Keep hovering. I want to observe these fools.
Wario and Waluigi just walk into Beanbean Castle Town.
Waluigi: HEY! WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN HURT YET, AND THE CHAPTER IS NEARLY OVER!
Rabid Beanlets come and maul Wario and Waluigi.
Waluigi: Jinx.
Wario: But, but...
I know.
Chapter 6: The College of Wario
Wario and Waluigi slowly walk into Beanbean Castle.
Wario: That last chapter was WAY too long!
Waluigi: I know!
Wario and Waluigi see a Beanbean Guy holding Queen Bean's crown. Queen Bean is in a very muscular fetal position.
Wario: What happened?
Beanbean Guy: I stole her crown. She's been ultra paranoid of everything ever since.
Wario: Oh.
Waluigi: Well, can we stuff this bowl of mysterious liquid down her gullet?
Beanbean Guy: Um... alright.
Wario somehow forces the Chuckola Reserve down Queen Bean's throat. A weird worm jumps out of her stomach and tries to run away, but Wario squishes it. She then goes back to her original state. However, her original state is so large that she falls onto the Beanbean guy, puncturing his lung.
Queen Bean: HAHAHAHA! Where is Lady Lima?
No response.
Queen Bean: LADY LIMA?!
A ghost that looks like Lady Lima comes out from the floor.
Lady Lima: THESE IDIOTS FORGOT TO RESCUE ME!
Queen Bean: All in all, this was probably for the best. You NEVER SHUT UP! GHOSTBUSTER!
Professor E. Gadd walks into the room, sucks up Lady Lima with the Poltergust 3000, and leaves.
Queen Bean: Go to Woohoo Hooniversity.
Wario: Why?
Queen Bean: I just got junk mail from Cackletta, and I traced it back to Woohoo Hooniversity! GO THERE!
Waluigi: Wait... Where's our pay?
Queen Bean: Lady Lima's not here anymore, I don't have anything to do with the deal, and no one else can pay you off. You GET NO MONEY!
Wario: Then we aren't going.
Queen Bean: What about Toad's money?
Wario already has a fully-stocked mountain backpack.
Wario: Let's go!
Wario and Waluigi walk the long way to Woohoo Hooniversity. However, they are stopped by three Beanbean guards.
Beanbean Guard 1: HALT! THOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Wario: You know, it was funny the third time, but now it's annoying.
Beanbean Guards: THEY'RE ON TO US!
All of the Beanbean guards jump into the ocean. However, they are all eaten by Gooper Blooper.
Gooper Blooper: WARIO AND WALUIGI! I LIKE YOU! UNLESS YOU EAT CALAMARI EVER AGAIN!
Gooper Blooper dives into the sea.
Wario: All right, let's just keep going.
Wario and Waluigi walk up to a perfectly-preserved Woohoo Hooniversity.
Wario: NOT SO FAST!
Wario pulls out a Nintendo Power.
Wario: It says here that the Hooniversity should be badly damaged!
Foreman Spike appears.
Foreman Spike: Sorry, am I late?
Foreman Spike reduces Woohoo Hooniversity to what it looked like in the game.
Wario: Why do you keep following us?
Foreman Spike: You'll know in the sequel.
Wario: This'll have a sequel?
Foreman Spike: Apparently.
Foreman Spike drives away.
Waluigi: Can we just go?
Wario and Waluigi enter the Hooniversity. A stampede of nerdy people run them over.
The Dryest Bones: (wearing glasses, a white suit, and a pocket protector) HEY! How do you two keep finding me? More importantly, why am I not flying?
An explosion occurs under The Dryest Bones's feet.
The Dryest Bones: Thank you.
Wario: Completely stupid.
Waluigi: Let's just go.
Wario and Waluigi walk up to the door to the main lab.
Wario: So... now what?
Waluigi pulls out another Nintendo Power.
Waluigi: OH NO! I'M NOT DOING ALL THAT AFTER THAT DEATH TRAP OF CHUCKLEHUCK WOODS!
Wario: Well, let's just go into that side room.
Wario and Waluigi enter a room that says "Luigi Fan Club". Immediately, Waluigi is thrown out, badly beaten to a pulp.
Waluigi: WARIO! WHY DO I ALWAYS GET HURT?
Nerdy Luigi Fan: You're the great Luigi's enemy! ALL HAIL LUIGI!
Wario: No, you should all hail Wario.
All 17 Fan Club Members: Why?
Wario: Are you always picked on because you worship Luigi?
A17FCM: Yes.
Wario: Stick with Wario, and you'll be popular superstars in no time!
A17FCM: YAY!
The fan club follows Wario to the block museum.
Wario: Chicks dig men that can get these blocks to produce infinite coins.
Member 11: But, we're not allowed to do that...
Wario: Who cares?
Member 11: Never thought about it that way.
All of the Luigi Fan Club fixes the Rally Block so it makes infinite coins. However, it explodes.
Wario: Never mind, go to coolness test 2.
Wario leads the group to the room with all of the statues with all of the colors.
Wario: You'll be SUPERSTARS if you can arrange the statues in the complex order to unlock the Sun Door.
All of the members arrange the statues so the Sun Door opens. Wario leads them to the next room.
Wario: Activate the switch.
The members do so.
NEXT!
Wario: Complete the barrel puzzle.
10 members fall onto the cold, metal floor. Viruses infect them. 20 minutes later, an ambulance is in front of the Hooniversity.
Wario: Well, there goes most of your members... but that makes more room for you to be popular!
Remaining Wario (formerly Luigi) Fan Club Members: ALL RIGHT!
Somehow, the remaining seven members make the first barrel appear.
Wario: ACTIVATE!
The fans do as they are instructed, in an identical manner to how Mario and Luigi did it. However, the statue comes to life, and attacks the person in the barrel. 10 minutes later...
Wario: Thank you, Toad, but the other 10 are in another ambulance.
Toad: SHUT UP, YOU %@^$%^**^(^%&!
Wario: Whatever.
The sliced fan club member goes into another ambulance.
Wario: All right, let's try this again. Get another barrel.
The fans get to the point where Cork and Cask's moves REALLY would've helped again.
Wario: Just throw some guy in there.
The fans do so. The fan that got thrown dies when he hits the wall, but he hits the other switch so the second barrel falls down.
Wario: Excellent...
Another fan finishes the barrel puzzle. However, a mechanical hand grabs him, and sends him to another part of the Hooniversity.
Wario: MOVE IT, FANS!
Fans: YES, OUR MASTER!
The fans carry Wario to a room full of construction beams and ladders. The fan in the barrel is at the top.
Wario: Good, nothing is gonna stop us.
Donkey Kong suddenly jumps on top of the beams.
Donkey Kong: Donkey no know why he here. Donkey just like barrels! HEY! Stupid fan club! Donkey smash with barrels!
Donkey Kong begins rolling barrels like Cranky Kong did in the original Donkey Kong.
Wario: GO!
Having played Donkey Kong before, the fans think they know what they're doing. However, it's less than a minute before they're all flattened underneath a barrel.
Wario: -_-
Waluigi enters the room.
Waluigi: How DARE you abandon me?!
Wario: What? I was just trying to destroy another school by convincing all of the students that I was the most important thing in life.
Waluigi: Did you at least get their wallets?
Wario: SCORE!
Waluigi: Good...
Fan: SAVE ME, MASTER!
Waluigi: Not our problem.
Suddenly, a barrel hits Wario. All of the wallets go near the barrel of the trapped fan.
Waluigi: Our problem now.
Wario: LOOK! K. ROOL IS STEALING YOUR BANANAS!
Donkey Kong: I'LL KILL HIM!
Donkey Kong goes off. Without him, Wario is easily able to climb up to free the fan.
Fan: THANKS!
Wario throws the fan at the ! Block. This opens the final door.
Waluigi: Is it just me, or is this chapter actually going fast?
Wario: Author is up past bedtime!
NOT TRUE!
A clock in the author's house shows it's 4:23 AM.
*sob* Why do you gotta be so hateful?
Wario: Whatever.
Waluigi: Also, it's because that last chapter took, like, forever.
Wario: Oh.
Waluigi: What happened to "Ah?"
Wario: As of Chapter 6's start, Ah is officially for nerds only. Oh is in, baby!
Waluigi: Freak.
Wario beats up Waluigi.
Waluigi: FREAK! I'M A FREAK! STOP KILLING ME, PLEASE!
Wario: Good. Do not underestimate my power again...
Wario and Waluigi go into the room with the electric mouse.
Wario: How are we gonna do this?
Yoshi's Island Help Block: Drink water. Use Waluigi's hammer to hit Wario on the head. Make mouse go ZAP! Haha, I speak funny words.
Scruffy comes in.
Scruffy: Scruffy hates cleaning up defective junk.
Scruffy takes the Help Block and leaves.
Wario: WARIO has a better idea!
Wario spits on the mouse.
Mouse: Is that it?
Wario: Yeah, pretty much.
Mouse: Wow, you're pathetic.
Wario breaks down crying.
Mouse: *sigh* If I must...
Out of pity, the mouse electrocutes himself. The final door opens.
Wario: HEY! My brawn must've done it!
Waluigi: (Idiot.)
Wario and Waluigi hit a switch that unlocks the Sun Door. They then walk into the main lab, where Cackletta and Fawful are.
Fawful: I am excited, like that which is a teenage girl with a really temperaturely high date on the night which is the prom!
Cackletta: Awkward, but all right.
Wario and Waluigi enter the room.
Wario Bros: GIVE US BACK PEACH'S VOICE!
Cackletta: Sure, I'll ruin my very complex and elaborate plan to rule the entire world just because you said so.
Wario: You have made a very wise choice.
Cackletta: Jeez, you are as sharp as a circle!
Waluigi: Thought of that yourself, did you?
Cackletta: Enough of that, LET'S FIGHT!
Wario (50/50 HP)
Waluigi (40/40
HP)
VS
Cackletta (200/200
HP)
Cackletta uses "Hit Waluigi with thunder". -40 Damage. Waluigi is KO'ed!
Wario: This is pathetic.
The Dryest Bones: Agreed. That's why I'll fight with you.
The Dryest Bones (Infinate HP)
Cackletta and Wario: WHAT?!
The Dryest Bones: You fought me in my weakest form, Wario. Now, I'll unleash the greatest of my non-transformed forms!
The Dryest Bones uses "Infinate Attacks". The Dryest Bones now can attack infinite times in a row.
Cackletta: WHAT?!
The Dryest Bones uses "Crusher Bone Cage". Bones surround Cackletta. Then, the bones quickly constrict and crush Cackletta. -All of Cackletta's HP
The Dryest Bones and Wario win!
Cackletta: EYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! HOW COULD YOU $@^^$&*^$% BEAT ME?!
Beanstar: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Cackletta: Fawful, what's the problem?
Fawful: The Beanstar heard you, and now it's going on an emotional rampage.
Cackletta: Why are you talking normal?
Fawful: Took a chill pill.
Cackletta: Whatever.
The Beanstar runs into Cackletta. Then, it beats her to a pulp in ways that we can't show on camera. When it's done, Cackletta is nothing more than a soul.
Cackletta: FAWFUL! SAVE ME!
Fawful: I SAY YES! And, the subscription to that which is the pill that gives chills has now done that which has negated. My anger is like 1,000 nails scratching on that which is glass! I HAVE FURY!
Fawful sucks up Cackletta's soul.
Cackletta: Fawful, finish them.
Fawful: To you, I say yes!
The Dryest Bones: NO! I USE UNDEAD BURST!
Fawful: What?
Undead energies flow through The Dryest Bones's body. He then creates a large, explosive wave around himself. This wave hits Cackletta and Fawful. All three go flying.
Wario: This is awkward.
Beanstar: I definitely agree with you there, my friend.
Wario: Wait, why are you still talking?
Beanstar: Oh, I'll blow up this place in about 30 seconds.
Wario and Waluigi: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!
Popple and Rookie Jr. then enter the room riding Wiggler.
All Three: WE'LL SNATCH THAT STAR AND KILL YOU, SEE?!
Popple and Rookie Jr grab onto the star. Wiggler charges at Wario and Waluigi.
Wario: Well, how much time do we have?
Beanstar: Five seconds.
Wario: All right, then let's GET ON!
Wario and Waluigi hop onto the Beanstar, jumping over Wiggler in the process.
Beanstar: 3... 2... 1... HAVE A NICE DAY!
Wiggler: Huh?
The Beanstar explodes. All of Woohoo Hooniversity is destroyed in the process, along with Wiggler. However, it quickly reforms, and everyone that was touching it is still holding on.
Beanstar: I'M MAD NOW!
Everyone: Uh oh...
The Beanstar flies very far into the air. Popple, Wario, and Waluigi fall off in that order. However, Rookie Jr. realizes something.
Rookie Jr: I'M BOWSER JR, SON OF THE KOOPA KING! I'M JUNIOR THE PRINCE!
At that moment, the Beanstar separates into four sections, and Bowser Junior is blasted into the horizon.
Wario and Waluigi: Well, we aren't hurt, right?
Fire encases their skin, and they crash onto an island.