Chapter Not Five: Three...Thousand Days of Excess...ive Annoying Tasks
Mario and Bobbery get their map marked and go to Frankly's.
Mario: So, can you check our map?
Frankly: Why should I? What do you think I am, some kind of map reader?!
Mario: Well, yes.
Frankly: Then shut up and gimme!
He takes the map.
Frankly: Uh-huh, just as I thought!
Mario: What?
Frankly: I got the brainteaser right!
Mario: What does that have to do with us?
Frankly: Absolutely nothing at all! You're going to Poshley Heights!
Mario: Do you know how to get there?
Frankly: Definitely... not!
Mario: Oh yeah, thanks a lot, genius.
Frankly: You're welcome!
He kicks him to Don Pianta's house.
Don Pianta: What do you want?!
Mario: Train tickets. Wait, how did you survive?
Don Pianta: Asking questions will get you nowhere.
Mario: Will it get me to Poshley Heights?
Don Pianta: Yes.
He gives Mario a train ticket.
Mario: Well, that was easy. Now, off to Poshley Heights!
Bobbery: I don't like the people there. They're just so fat and dumb. No offense, reader.
Reader: What the- *Calls to sue*
Mario walks to the toad by the train and gives him the ticket.
Toad: You know this train is free. It doesn't need any tickets. There are only two people on here.
Mario: What are you talking about? There are dozens of passengers, are you that bad at math?!
Toad: Well, um... I NEVER FINISHED COLLEGE! WAAAAAH!
He runs away.
Mario: Well that was weird.
He hops on the train and it starts moving.
Bobbery: Why did they start the train when you came on?
Mario: Hey, what are you doing here?!
He throws Bobbery to Alaska.
Mario: Aaw, now I don't have a partner.
Goombella comes out of Mario's pocket.
Mario: Now this is just getting worse for me!
He goes into his cabin and sees a note.
Note: Leave now or I will give you a sticky, yummy fate.
Mario stares at the note for hours.
Mario: Nope, I just don't get it.
He throws it out the window and goes into the dining cabin.
Waitress: What would you like to eat?
Mario: Food.
Waitress: Oh, sorry, we're all out.
Mario walks to an area with a bunch of people gathering around.
Pennington: Now, to find out who stole the pot.
Mario: You mean that pot right next to the oven?
Pennington: Yes, now we have to find out who stole it.
Mario: But it's right there.
Pennington: Shh, those stew marks might be a clue!
Mario: Or the pot on the stove might be a clue.
Pennington: Now don't let that fool you.
He follows the track and finds nothing.
Mario: Told you it wasn't stolen.
Pennington: Well fine then, Mr. Genius, where is it?
Mario: Next to the stove.
Pennington: Fine, you win this time, but don't think you're better than me. Now, come into my room.
Mario goes into Pennington's room and sees Pennington.
Mario: What the- But you were just in the dining cabin.
Pennington: Hmm. I've got it! The Bob-omb family is guilty.
Mario: Of what?
Penington: Guilty!
Mario: But I-
Pennington: Guilty guilty guilty!
Mario: Fine, I'll go see them.
He goes inside their cabin.
Bub: Hey Mister, can you guess what I want for my birthday?
Mario: Is it an autograph from a train engineer?
Bub: ... How did you know?
Mario: I read the player's guide.
He walks to the train conductor and the note randomly flies in through the window into Mario's hands.
Mario: Oh yeah, I forgot. What can you make out of this?
He gives the conductor the note.
Conductor: Well, let's see...
He starts folding it into different shapes.
Conductor: I can make a hat, a boat, a plane-
Mario: Give me that! You're no help.
He grabs the note and walks away.
Conductor: But wait, you didn't even let me make a puppy!
Mario walks into Pennington's Cabin.
Pennington: Ah, yes. You return.
Mario: Um, hey, look at this note.
He gives Pennington the note, and he just continues to stare at it.
Mario: What are you doing?
Pennington: Well you said to look at it.
Mario: Well can you tell me what it means?
Pennington: Sure, to look at something means to-
Mario: No, I mean tell me what the note means.
Pennington: Sure, a note is-
Mario: Never mind!
Pennington: Well, you see, yhe conductor needs a blanket so he can sleep tonight.
Mario: But it's daytime.
Pennington: Just go.
As soon as Mario walks out it becomes nighttime.
Mario: Is this weirding anyone else out?
Goombella: Me.
Mario: Wait, hold on. Where were you this whole time?
Goombella: In the bathroom.
Mario: There is no bathroom.
Mario walks up to the conductor.
Conductor: Thank goodness. My blanket is missing!
Mario: It's right next to you.
Conductor: Uh.
He throws the blanket out the window.
Conductor: Now, get me a blanket!
Mario: Ugh.
Mario walks to room 4.
Goombella: Is there a reason we're here?
Mario: Is there a reason you're fat?
A ghost appears out of nowhere.
Ghost T: OoOoOo! I am a ghost!
Mario: OoOoOo! I know!
Ghost T: I died on this train by eating the tuna salad surprise on Tuesdays.
Mario: I knew that stuff was poison!
Ghost T: I left my diary in the back storage area. Give it to me and I will give you the blanket.
Mario: But how did you know that we wanted the blanket?
Ghost: Magic.
Mario: Okay, works for me.
He walks back to the conductor.
Conductor: Yes?
Mario: We need to get a diary for a ghost to get a blanket.
Conductor: Aaw, but I'm only on day 20.
Mario: Wait, you were reading it?
Conductor: ... Maybe.
Ghost T. charges straight towards him.
Ghost T: DIEEEEE!
Mario: AAH!
He takes the book and whacks the ghost over the head with it and takes the blanket.
Mario: Here you go.
Conductor: Actually, I was kidding. I already have a blanket.
Mario: Grr.
Violence happens.
Mario: That does it, I'm going to bed!
Goombella: But, I'm not tired at a- Zzzzzzzzzzz.
Mario: Oh, wait. I forgot I- Zzzzzzzzzz.
THE NEXT DAY:
Pennington: Wake up, wake up!
Mario: Ugh. Ten more minutes.
A rat businessman comes into the room.
Mario: What?
Businessman: My nitro honey syrup was stolen!
Mario: So?
Businessman: If it gets mixed with gold and seashell it explodes!
Waitress: My seashell earrings were stolen!
Toodles: My golden ring is gone!
Mario: Strange... None of this seems to add up.
Pennington: Quick! Catch the thief!
Mario: What do I do?
Mario finds a paper on the floor.
Mario: Hey, a note.
Pennington: Right. Clue one: littering.
Mario: But what about what it says? It looks too advanced for me.
Businessman: That's a page of the Hungry Little Caterpillar.
Mario: Oh, then GET OUT OF MY ROOM!
They both get out.
Mario: So now what?
Mario reads the player's guide and while he's reading, Zip Toad hops out of his hiding spot and runs around in circles.
Zip Toad: You can't catch me!
Mario: Quiet! I'm reading the player's guide!
Mario trips him and keeps reading.
Mario: Hmm. It says here I need to catch Zip Toad.
Goombella wakes up.
Goombella: *yawn* I'm awake.
Mario: Why so late?
Goombella: I dunno.
Mario: Oh, so that's your answer to everything, huh? To you the whole world is like Heygoombellawhat'sup?Idunno.Okay!
Goombella: What are you talking about?!
Mario: I DON'T KNOW!!!
Pennington comes back in.
Pennington: So you've caught the thief?
Mario: I did? I mean, uh, I did! Now uh... give me money and stuff.
Pennington: Now, just to get him off of the train...
Zip Toad transforms into-
DOOPLISS!
Hey, who was-
THAT?!
Stop finishing my-
SENTENCES!
Oh, just forget-
IT!
Doopliss: Hey Slick!
Mario: Doopliss!
Doopliss: So you remember me?
Mario: No, I just read the text.
Doopliss: Oh, now to jump out the door!
Mario: Shouldn't you wait until the train stops?
Doopliss: Stop Schmop!
He jumps out the door. Hey, that idiot is-
GONE!
Aaw.
HEY, THAT ONLY HAD ONE WORD IN IT! MALFUNCTION! OVRELOAD! BEEP! *Explodes*
Yeah, anyway...
Train Engineer: We will be arriving in Riverside Station in... now.
They stop and end up in Riverside Station.
Mario: So, what are we doing here?
Train Worker: The bridge is broken!
Mario: What does that have to do with me?
Goombella: Well, it could stop us from continuing on our journey and rescuing Peach.
Mario: Who?
Train Worker: Just go!
Mario: Whatever.
Mario goes inside the station.
Mario: I don't get it. Why was the switch flipped?
Goombella: Maybe some bad guys did it.
Mario: Duh.
Goombella: Did you just say "Duh" to me?
Mario: Duh.
They go inside a room with a bunch of gears.
Mario: Ooh, what does this do?
Mario takes one gear out and the whole thing falls down and a key lands on Mario.
Mario: Sweet, but now what?
Mario opens a random door.
Poison Pokey: I'm going to poke you!
Mario: What if I poke you?
Poison Pokey: You'll be poisoned.
Mario: Really?
Pokey: Yes.
Mario: Really?
Pokey: Yes.
Mario: Really?
Pokey: Yes.
Mario: Really?
Pokey: Yes.
...
Mario: Really?
Pokey: Shut up! Just shut up, okay!
The Pokey explodes, and I'm tired of typing "Pokey". Anyway, Mario continues back inside and sees a small tunnel where you have to use the paper tube to get through.
Mario: I don't know what this is but it looks fun.
He slides down the slide.
MANY BROKEN BONES LATER:
Mario: So, I'm finally at the bottom.
Mario goes through a few rooms and sees switches.
Mario: I don't know what these are but maybe it needs a password. Uh, hocus pocus, bippity boppity boo, lobster tail.
Goombella: Oh, for crying out loud...
Goombella hits them all in the right order and stairs form.
Mario: Hey, it was lobster tail!
Mario goes up the stairs and sees a box. He opens it and gets Ultra Boots. Toadette comes in.
Toadette: Congratulations! You got Ultra Boots! Now you can wind up a jump and go really high!
Mario: Won't that give me brain damage?
Toadette: Yep.
Toadette leaves.
Mario: Okay.
Mario uses his boots to get out of the area and get an elevator card.
Mario: What does this do?
Goombella: Works an elevator, duh.
Mario: Oh, okay.
Mario steps in the elevator.
Elevator: Going down, going down, going down.
MANY HOURS LATER:
Elevator: Going down, going down.
Mario: (reading a newspaper) Ooh, there's a holy sale at The Christian Store. Their motto is, "Holy sale, we poke holes in the prices."
Elevator: Going down.
It keeps going down until Mario and Goombella end up in Plit's version of China.
Chinese Guy: *Chinese*
Mario: Huh?
Other Chinese Guy: *Chinese*
Mario: AAAH!
He jumps down the hole the elevator created.
Third Chinese Guy: I guess he doesn't like rice.
Mario ends up in the area with the switch, but they see a bunch of creatures surrounding it.
Smorg: Smorgsmorgsmorg!
Mario: Mariomariomario!
Goombella: Goombellagoombellagoombella!
Authorauthorauthor- Hey wait, what are we doing?!
Mario: I dunno.
Oh, so that's your answer to everything, huh? To you the whole world is like HeyMariowhat'sup?Idunno.Okay!
Mario: Okay, now this story is really bugging me!
Mario hammers them away and flips the switch, making another switch appear.
Mario: Okay, that was pointless.
Mario hits that switch, then another one appears.
Mario: What the-
He keeps hitting a bunch of switches until he gives up and leans on a brick, causing the bridge to open.
Mario: Finally!
He goes back outside the station.
Mario: I found the switch!
Train Worker: Well actually we found the button a minute ago, so you didn't really do anything.
Mario: So I did all that for nothing?
Train Worker: Yep, basically.
Mario goes back on the train.
Pennington: Oh, and if you could-
Mario: No!
Mario goes to bed.
THE NEXT DAY:
Mario: Um... Why is it so quiet?
Goombella: I dunno.
Mario Where is everybody?
Goombella: I dunno. Let's ask the engineer.
Mario: Okay.
They go to the engineer's car.
Mario: Where is everybody?
Engineer: I don't know, did you check their cabins?
Mario: Pfft, like they'd ever be there!
A Smorg hops on the window.
Engineer: What's that thing?
Mario: I think they're called s'mores.
Goombella: No, those are Smorgs, remember?
A bunch of them hop on the window.
Engineer: AAAAAAH! M-M-M-Mario, make s-s-s-sure that the p-p-p-p-passengers are s-s-s-safe. C-C-C-Check on t-t-t-them while I d-d-d-drive the t-t-t-t-train!
Mario: What's wrong with you?!
Engineer: It's c-c-c-c-cold in h-h-h-h-here!
Mario: Okay.
Mario heads to the back cabin and finds more Smorgs.
Mario: Oh, come on!
He hammers them and they run away, revealing the waitress and conductor.
Waitress: Who would've known they'd use the tuna salad surprise against me?!
Conductor: Where's Mr. Snuggles?!
Mario goes on the roof.
Mario: Hey, look at the scenery!
Goombella: Mario, not right now!
Mario: Hey, what's that cloud look like to you?
Goombella: Mario!
Mario: Okay.
He gets to the front of the train.
Smorg: SMORG!!!
All the Smorgs come together and make a monster.
Mario: WOAH! It's a giraffe!
Kolorado: It's a tuna!
Mario: Wait, didn't your head explode?
Mario looks back and Kolorado is gone.
Mario: *sigh*
Smorg: SMORG!!!
Mario: So now what?
Goombella: Beats me. Just attack him.
Mario: Okay.
He tries to attack but he trips over himself!
Smorg: HA! Loser!
Mario: You can talk?
Smorg: Yep, and you'll never find out that my only weakness is to get rid of all my arms and attack the body!
Mario: Yep, I'll never find out something like that.
Smorg: Yep! Ha! Wait... D'oh!
Mario gets rid of his arms and sits on the body.
Smorg: No! You're so fat! It hurts!
It withers away into nothing and the passengers are freed.
Mario: Ha! You all owe me big time! In your face!
Pennington: So, uh, now what?
Conductor: But where's Mr. Snuggles?
Fat Toad: *burp*
Conductor: ...
Fat Toad: What? No one told me it was important.
Conductor: NOOOOO!!!
Engineer: We will soon arrive at Poshley Heights! Did you like the trip?
Mario: No!
The train stops and Mario leaves.
Mario: Yes! I'm free of that train for good!
Mario goes to Poshley Sanctum but the door is locked.
Pennington: Allow me.
Mario: Ah great, you again!
Pennington: I'm the sanctum manager!
He opens the door and finds the Shadow Sirens.
Beldam: Yes, this is it! Mweeheeheeheehee!
Doopliss: You know if you keep doing that annoying laugh I'm not staying in your group.
Marilyn: Guh!
Mario: Aah! Witchy!
Beldam: Yes, it's me-
Mario: No, not you, that sheet guy! You're Fatty!
Marilyn: Guh? (Then who am I?)
Mario: You're Witchy!
Doopliss: But I'm Witchy.
Mario: No, you're Fatty!
Beldam: But, I'm Fatty!
Goombella swaps with Vivian.
Vivian: What's going on?
Mario: You're Witchy!
Marilyn: Guh! (But I'm Witchy!)
Mario: No, you're Freak-Sheet!
Beldam: Wait, now there's a Freak-Sheet?!
Mario: Quiet, Fatty!
Doopliss: But I'm-
Beldam: Shut up! Just shut up!
They take the Crystal Star and leave.
Mario: Is that a bad thing!
Pennington: Don't worry, that was a fake!
Mario: Well, okay then, Mister Perfect, Where's the real one?!
Pennington: Not telling.
Mario: Oh, come on!
Pennington: No! And definitely don't look behind the curtain, there's nothing there!
Mario: Oh really?
Mario goes behind the curtain and finds a warp pipe to another sanctum.
Mario: Where are we?
Dark Boo: Boo!
Mario: Hm...
Dark Boo: Hello! I'm over here!
Mario Ah, here it is.
Mario grabs the Crystal Star and leaves the sanctum.
END OF CHAPTER!
AT GRODUS'S PLACE:
Grodus: How can you fail again?
Beldam: Like I just did.
Grodus CRUMP!
Crump: You don't have to yell, I'm right next to you.
Grodus: Take the Crystal Star and get rid of Mario. It's a complicated task.
CrumP: Like the ones you give me all the time?
Grodus: Yes. Now go!
Everyone leaves.
Grodus: I despise you, Mario.
Crump comes back in.
Crump: Why are you talking to yourself?
Grodus: Uhh... Why are you here?
Crump: We'd like to know what pizza you'd like.
Grodus: We're ordering pizza?
Crump: Yes.
Grodus: How will the delivery man get to the moon?
Crump: I gave him a rocket.
Grodus: You gave him the secret rocket?!
Crump: Yeah. Oh, and TEC is helping the princess, but that's not important right now, just tell me what pizza you would like.
Grodus: What?! I must stop TEC! Oh, and I want pepperoni on my pizza.
Crump: Okay.
WITH TEC:
Peach: Hi TEC!
TEC: Yeah yeah yeah. Anyway, I found out what they're going to do to you. And I have to cut away just before the good part. They will...
LATER:
Peach: Oh, okay.
TEC: You must escape.
Peach: Really? I'm actually used to it now. The wallpaper is really nice.
TEC: Just leave already!
Peach: Okay.
She sends an Email and Grodus comes in.
Grodus: TEC!
TEC: Yes?
Grodus: Why are you helping Peach?
TEC: Because you don't care.
Grodus: You're darn right I don't! Now, shut down TEC!
X-Nauts come by and shut him down.
TEC: NOOO!
Grodus: Stop complaining!
TEC: Peach.
...........
...I.......
...........
........l.....
...o.........
........v....
...e.........
...........
........p....
...i.......
........e....
TEC shuts down for good.
Peach: Oh no! Where's Geico when you need it?
Grodus: Gack! Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!
MEANWHILE:
Bowser: Lalalalala!
Kammy: What are you doing? Well anyway, we've found an underground passage and-
Bowser: Lalala-
Kammy: Bowser!
Bowser: What?
Kammy: We've invaded an underground castle!
Bowser: So?
Kammy: Uh, I don't know.
Bowser walks into a random castle and finds an area at the end.
Rawk Hawk: Hey! Get out of here! Fine then! I'll rawk ya!
He slides but completely misses and ends up hitting a wall.
Rawk Hawk: Ow.
Bowser: This is boring!
Kammy: Hey, a Crystal Star!
Bowser walks away without paying any attention.
Kammy: *sigh*