Stuper Paper Mario

By Koopra

Chapter 1 ½: Yold Town Mayor’s Death/You Found Peach!

In Yold Town…

Yold Town Police Officer #1: Mr. Mayor, are you in there?

Yold Town Police Officer #1 opens the door.

Yold Town Police Officer #2: *gasp!* He’s dead!

Yold Town Police Officer #1: Should we throw a party?

Yold Town Police Officer #2: … Sure.

Yold Town Police Officer #1: I’ll call Koopie Koo!

In Flipside…

Tippi: Grr… Stupid spellcheck!

Koopra: You’re back on, stupid!

Tippi: Huh?! Oh… Wait, where’s Mario and Boomer?

Koopra: Uhhh… Target?

Tippi: Oh.

Koopra: This is boring, I’m gonna make Peach fall from the sky.

Tippi: WHAT?!

Peach lands on Tippi.

Tippi: Owie…


Koopra: So loud... Well that’s not my problem! See ya.

Koopra walks offscreen.

Tippi: No! Get her *gasp* off of *gasp* me!

At Target...

Boomer: What to buy… Look! They have 2-ply toilet paper!

Mario: Woohoo!

Koopra: Mario! Boomer! Tippi needs you!

Boomer: Why?

Koopra: 'Cause some fat lady is on top of her.

Peach: I heard that!

Koopra: Shut up.

Mario: Mamamia!

Boomer: You're right, Mario, Peach needs our help!

Koopra: Don’t you mean “Tippi needs our help”?

Boomer: No.

Koopra: K- I mean okay. *click*

Boomer: Who was that?

Mario shrugs. They walk away.

In Flipside...

Tippi: I’m… going… to… die. *gasp*

Boomer: Who’s that butterfly again?

Mario: Hmm…


Mario: Wah!

Boomer: So loud…

Koopra: Man, this might become a running gag.

Boomer: What might?

Koopra: Saying “So loud…”

Boomer: Oh… Wait, it’s a side plot!

Koopra: So?

Boomer: Oh yeah.

Tippi: Get… back… to the… story…

Koopra: Never!

Koopra is shot.

Boomer: Want me to end this?

Tippi: No-

Koopra: Yes.

Boomer: What will happen in chapter 2? Why isn’t Koopra saying this stuff? Did we ever get the Pure Heart in the last chapter? Find out next time 'cause this chapter is over!

Chapter 2: A Gloomy Area of Goombas.

Dear readers, I have chosen to not do the Heart Pillar segment right now. So keep your colons healthy!

Sincerely, Koopra.

Mario: Hrumph!

Mario lifts Peach off of Tippi.

Peach: Ohhh… GIV MII SUM STUW! Ohhh…

Mario: Okay!

Mario gives Peach a tennis ball.

Peach: *munch*…

Boomer: Are you better now?

Peach: I feel as fresh as a pinecone!

Mario: Wah?!

Tippi: Her voice actor is from Texas.

Mario/Boomer: Oh.

Peach: Darn toodles! I left the iron on at home!

At Peach's castle...

Everything is on fire.

Toad: AAAAAAA!!!

In Flipside...

Peach: Oh well.

Mario: Let's go to the next door to the next world! I mean, moo?

Tippi/Boomer/Peach: O.O

Mario:  (8>P)

Kirby: <(o_o<)

Count Bleck: Just go to the next world! Voip.

Everyone (except Bleck) find themselves in ANOTHER DIMENSION!

Boomer: Woah!

Koopra: You said the magic word! Time for a side plot!

Tippi/Mario/Boomer/Peach: Nooo!!

Koopra: Okay…

Boomer: Well this is boring.

Peach: Let's go to that rootie toot mansion!

Mario: Uh-huh!

They walk up to the "rootie toot" mansion.

Boomer: I'll ring the-


Boomer: -doorbell.

The door opens to show a little girl-type thing.

????: 'Ello?

Boomer: Hello, we're looking for a thing called a Pure Heart.


???? throws them in a room full of hamster wheels.

Guard: M-kay.

Tippi: Nooooooooooo!

Mario: Wii!

Nintendo: Hey! That's what I say!

Police: Not now it isn't!

The police put handcuffs on Nintendo.

Nintendo: Noooooooooo!

Boomer: Ummm… REVOLT!

Guard: Oh no you didn't!

The guard is shot.

Guard: I pitty the foo!

The guard is shot again and he dies.

Mario: Woohoo!

Tippi: Wow, that worked.

????: Wha- Who? What happened!?

Tippi: Wait! You're Mimi!

Mario: Wha?

Tippi: Mimi is a villain. She is one of Count Bleck's main lackeys, and has the appearance of an innocent, young girl, though she has a violent and cruel temper. She possesses the ability to shape-shift, often taking the guises of Merlee and other characters. Her true identity, however, is shrouded in mystery (although she states her true form to be her arachnid transformation). According to Carson, some say she's a failed Pixl, possibly even the first Pixl ever made, which had revolted against the Tribe of Ancients. Others say she's the unintended creation of a witch who was researching potions that would allow shape-shifting. If Mario flips to 3D while Mimi is "True Mimi", one could see gears inside of her, possibly meaning that she is a robot, a fact that is further implied by her violent explosions upon defeat. However, near the end of the game, Mimi's love, along with Count Bleck's, Tippi's, and O'Chunks's, repair the Pure Hearts, meaning that Mimi is not a robot, since robots can't have feelings. That means that the her arachnid form may have mechanical implants.

Mario/Boomer/Mimi: O.O

Tippi: What?

Mimi: I guess I have to kill you now.

Mimi turns into a giant spider.

Mimi: Fear me!

Mario's shoe grows huge and falls on top of Mimi.

Mimi: Ouch…

Merlee: You have saved me!

Mario: OMG!

Mario shoots Merlee.

Tippi: O.O

Boomer: Sweet…

A Pure Heart rises out of Merlee's decomposing body.

Pure Heart: Shine!

Everyone appears in front of the next Heart Pillar.

Mario: Yay!

Mario throws the Pure Heart into the pillar.

At Count Bleck's castle...

Luigi: Ohhh…

Green Goombaz: Yo yo, who are you?

Luigi: Luigi, who are you?

Green Goombaz: I am the Green Goombaz, but you can call me G.G.

Luigi: Oh.

Nastasia: Hypno!

Luigi: Gah!

Nastasia: What do you think we should call him, G.G?

G.G: Mr. Lu-

Nastasia: Mr. L, that's it!

Has Luigi died? Who did they just name? (Don't you know?) Is G.G. evil? Find out in Chapter 3!

Read on!

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