WARNING: THIS SUPER PAPER MARIO RIPOFF IS VERY OFF-THE-WALL, SO IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE INSANITY, PLEASE LEAVE THROUGH THIS WINDOW.
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OKAY? GOOD.
ONE LONG AND BORING PROLOGUE
April 10, 2007, at the Mario Bros’ House...
Luigi: Ah, what a peaceful-
Suddenly, the house flooded.
Luigi: -day. MARIO!
Mario: WHEE! Luigi! We don't have to go to Six Flags for a waterslide! I just turned on the shiny faucets in the house and... look! A waterslide on the stairs!
Luigi: You IDIOT! I just installed that new sink yesterday! Now it's gonna be-
The house exploded, and the Bros. landed on their front lawn next to Toad.
Luigi: -ruined.
Toad: Oh well. Stinks to be you! Oh, and Peach got kidnapped. See ya!
Toad began to walk away, but as soon as he placed one foot on the ground, Kelpto (that bird from SM64) snatched him up and flew off to Shifting Sand Land.
Mario Bros: o_o
Meanwhile, at Bowser's Castle...
Bowser: Yo, wassup my homies! Today is our, like, 300th time attempting to kidnap Peach, and we're making this capture special!
Bowser's minions started cheering and saying things like "You rock!", "We're under attack!", and "I like corn!".
Bowser: ... Hey! WHO SAID THEY LIKED CORN?! DIE!
Bowser jumped into the center of the crowd to find the Mario Bros. (and also squished the corn-loving Goomba).
Bowser: What the...? The Mario Bros?! What are you doing in my awesome lair?!
Mario: ACRFDFFTHBLAH!
Bowser: What?
Luigi: Your gate was open.
Bowser: What?
Luigi: Your gate was open.
Bowser: What?
Luigi: Your gate was open.
Bowser: What?
Luigi: (annoyed) You gate was OPEN.
Bowser: What?
Luigi: IDIOT!
Bowser: HEY! I graduated from Harvard! I'm not an idiot!
Luigi: Then prove it!
Mario: I'm a little teapot, short and st-
???: MARIO!
Everyone: WHAT THE-
Then Peach appeared in that glass... box... thing. Yeah...
Luigi: *GASP* Peach! You're... you're-
Mario: A window!
Luigi: NO, NOT THAT-
Mario: A rare Barbie doll in her box!
Luigi: NO-
Mario: CAMERON DIAZ!
Luigi: ARGH!
Then Count Bleck appeared.
Bleck: Bleh heh heh! You shall NOT have your princess back... by Count Bleck!
Luigi: You can have her.
Bleck and Peach: WHAT?!
Luigi: I SAID, you can keep her. I mean, C'MON. Every SECOND of my life is always devoted to saving the princess. What about MY needs? I miss those empty Friday nights when I could just eat ice cream and watch the Simpsons...
Bleck: The Simpsons are stupid. Family Guy is better!
Luigi: ... DIE!
Luigi tried to jump on Bleck's face, but the force (heh heh) protected him, and Luigi just fell on the ground, face first.
Luigi: Ow...
Bowser: Ha ha, stinks to be you! Buuut... FREE THE PRINCESS OR DIE!
Bleck: Hmmm... Or how about THIS?
Bleck KO'd Mario, then used the power of his magic armpits to suck up Luigi, Bowser, and his army.
Peach: MAGIC armpits? That's gross!
Bleck: Be glad that Bleck doesn't have any feet, or you woulda faced the wrath of Blecky's toe jam!
Peach: Don't touch me.
Bleck and Co. dissapeared. In Mario's KO'd state (or thoughts)...
Mario: Yay, I rule China! Let's blow up Paraguay!
Meanwhile, somewhere else...
Peach: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Bowser: Ya see? I TOLD you she would hate this-
Peach: I broke a nail!
Bowser: Oh. Yay!
Peach: Where am I? And what's with this dress? IT'S TOO BLINDING WHITE!
The crowd begins to cheer.
Peach: What the? Did I win something?
Bowser: HONEY!
Peach: Wha-?
Bowser: You look really pretty- no- YOU'RE MY DREAM WIFE!
Peach: What?!
Bowser: We're gonna get married!
Peach: Ok... He's joking, Peach. Just play along...
Nastasia appeared next to Bleck.
Nastasia: So, everything seems to be ok, Count. You can go and continue the wedding, m'kay?
Bleck: Yay! Bleck's a sleek and totally awesome pastor! But anyways, we are gathered here today to join these two in holy matramony and blah blah blah... WHATEVER! Bowser, do you take Peach to be your awesome-
Bowser: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...
10 hours later...
Bowser:...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Bleck: Okay... And Peach, do you take Bowser to be your awesome husband?
Peach: I-
Bowser: YES!
Peach: I-
Bowser: YES!
Peach: ... I-
Bowser: YESSSS-
Peach: BOWSER, WILL YOU SHUT UP?!
Nastasia: Um, Peach, we don't have all day. So I'm gonna MAKE you say yes, kay?
Peach: But he spent ten hours yelling YES at the top of his lungs! AND I was going to say yes because he has an AWESOME jacuzzi in his backyard. Ugh, you peoples-
The room began to rumble as the Chaos Heart appeared. Everyone (except Bleck & Nastasia, of course) began to panic. Oh, and Luigi randomly fell out of the sky onto his face.
Luigi: Ow...
Gary (that Goomba): Ha ha! Stinks to be you!
Luigi: Ok, where am I... *GASP* Bowser and Peach are MODELING wedding attire?! But they SWORE to me that they would NEVER model together, unless... *GASP* THEY MUST BE TRYING TO GET ON AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL! OMG!
Bleck: YES! Blecky Baby gots his blingin' Chaos Heart! Solid!
Nastasia: Please don't ever say that again.
Bleck: Bleck likes corn.
Luigi: *GASP* AND he likes corn! DIE!
Luigi made a running start to the altar, and did a super jump worthy of Michael Jordan... and smacked into the Chaos Heart.
Luigi: Ow... again...
Bowser: Ha ha! Stinks to be you!
Natasia: Ok, you can stop now, kay?
Bowser: I like pie.
BOOOOM!
Meanwhile...
Tippi: Wake up, Mario.
Mario: Zzz...
Tippi: Mario... wake up...
Mario: Zzz...
Tippi: MARIO!
Mario: YOWAZZA?!
Tippi: Ok, so you're awake. I'm Tippi, and-
Mario: ASRFSASSAFRAZZ!
Tippi: Er, yeah...
Mario: You're sparkly! Oooo...
Tippi: I KNOW that.
Mario: Will you take me on a magicial journey involving Billie Stonka and the Churro Factory filled with Stoompa-Loompas?
Tippi: Sure, why not? Idiot...
Tippi teleported herself and Mario to Flipside Tower.
Merlon: Yo, homegirl! You back!
Tippi: Not again...
Merlon: So the hero's in da hizzouse! Here, take this blingin' Pure Heart and-
Mario took the Pure Heart.
Mario: I like Jolly Ranchers!
He jumped off the left side of Flipside Tower.
Merlon: ... Wow. He's a natural!
Tippi: *sigh*
Mario put in the Pure Heart, special effects happened, and he magically reappeared on the top of Flipside Tower.
Merlon: Yup, the world is definitely saved! You two go to my homie Bestovious's house and learn how to flip to 3D!
Mario: Like pancakes?
Merlon: Yup!
Mario: Yay!
Tippi: *sigh* ... Again.
So Tippi and Mario went through the red door. Meanwhile, at a totally top secret location...
Bleck: WOOT! That was fun! You ok, Nastasia?
Nastasia: (holding ice pack to head) Too much yelling...
Bleck: But anyways, Da Bleckster is glad to see ya'll! With you guys, nothing can go wrong!
O'Chunks: Tee-hee! I know!
Dimentio: (reading's someone's diary) Wha-? Er...
He hid the diary under his shirt.
Dimentio: Yeah. Nothing can go wrong... Ah ha ha. I can hardly stand the wait...
???: SUPER CHUNKS AWAY!
O'Chunks fell outta nowhere onto his platform. He then saw "O'Chunks".
O'Chunks: *GASP* HI SELF!
"O'Chunks": YOU IDIOT! IT'S ME, COUNT BLECK!
"O'Chunks" turned into Count Bleck.
Count Bleck: NOW YOU MUST-
O'Chunks died from shock.
Count Bleck: -die. *GASP* ACK! NO! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!
"Count Bleck" turned into Peach.
Bleck: The drama! Hug C.B, Nastasia!
He hugged Nastasia super tight.
Natasia: Hurt... all over...
Peach: You can't do this to me! I'm Mimi! I'm your bestest friend! Without you... who would kindly try to beat up Dimentio when he messes with me, but always fails when he tries? Who would I play with? WHO'S GONNA BAKE COOKIES WITH ME?!
Mimi looked at Dimentio, who was sinisterly reading Mimi's diary while sinisterly listening to the song "Glamorous" by Fergie (featuring Ludacris) on his pink I-Pod in a very... sinister way. Hey, it was the closest to purple they had, they were out of the blue ones, and he didn't have the extra $50 for a black one.
Merluvlee: Excuses. Shameful.
But back to the story...
Dimentio: Gem-filled pool ala hunky lifeguards? BORING. (continues to read) *GASP* Fergie is SO hotter than Beyonce! You make me SICK, Mimi!
Mimi turned into Bowser.
Mimi: *GASP* You're reading my diary! YOU MUST DIE!
Bleck: You stereotypical childrens, you.
Mimi and Dimentio: Wazza? Huh? Pass the peas like we used to do?
O'Chunks: I'M ALIVE!
Dimentio: I like peas.
Nastasia: Oh yeah... The hero of the Light Prognosticus is coming to stop us. Good thing I remembered...
Bleck: DEJAGASPETH! For real? Aww... Bleck and Co. wants to play around...
O'Chunks: I'll stop 'im!
Bleck: Sure. Knock yourself out.
O'Chunks: YAY! Yous guys can come too, ya know.
(He jumped off his platform.)
Bleck: *GASP* O'Chunks, no! WE HAVE NO FLOOR!
Dimentio: But you do have a-
Bleck: SILENCE! Now he's gone forever...
Bleck started sobbing.
Dimentio: Okay, your stupidity is becoming contagious. I'm leaving. Besides, I have to keep O'Chunks away from certain death anyways.
Dimentio glared at Certain Death, who glared back at him from a corner.
Dimentio: (evilly) I'll get you.
Certain Death: Over my dead body! I'll get you and your ugly Irish friend, too!
Certain Death disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
Dimentio: HA! I'd like to see you try.
(He disappeared in his own... special way.)
Mimi: Weiiiiiiiiird... HEY! HE STILL GOTS MY DIARY!
Will Mario and Tippi save the world? Are Bowser and Peach really married? What happened to Bowser and Co? Is Merlon destined to be a hip-hop guru? Will O'Chunks survive the fall? Will Dimentio kill Certain Death? Why am I asking all these questions? Stay tuned for Chapter 1 of Stupid Paper Mario, cuz no one knows what will happen-
Merluvlee: AHEM!
... Except for Merluvlee.
Merluvlee: Thank
you.
Chapter 1: You're not hip, you're Yold! (Or Lineland for you non-funny peoples...)
Tippi: ACK! The pun! IT BURNS!
Mario: WHEEE!
He runs around and falls on his face.
Tippi: Er, ok... But anyways, we have to find Bestovius!
Mario: Wait. We have to find Betty Boop?
Tippi: Bestovius.
Mario: Betty?
Tippi: Bestovius.
Mario: Betty?
Tippi: Bestovious.
Mario: Betty?
Tippi: BESTOVIOUS!
Mario: Betty?
Tippi: *sigh* Whatever. All I know is, he lives in that house up ahead. So-HEY! Wait for me!
Mario does a running start, somehow jumps into Bestovious's front window, and then runs into the wall, finding Bestovious.
Bestovious: Whuzza? Huh? Pass the peas like we used to do?
Mario: BLAHBLAHGIGASMAHH!
Bestovious: Wha? *GASP* Is he infected with some kind of alien brainworm?!
Tippi: Bestovious, there's no time for-
Bestovious: *GASP* I KNEW IT! He IS an alien! Cool! I'm gonna give you this here 3D Flipping power so you can destroy stuff, and then I'll come around and kill you so I can be a hero!
Tippi: Okay...
Bestovious grants Mario the power of 3D Flipping.
Bestovious: Now go out there and make me proud!
(He throws Mario out a window.
Tippi: Now Mario, we-
Mario: WHEEEEEEEEEEE!
Mario does a running start to smash the blocks surrounding the door.
Tippi: Uh Mario, you could-
SMASH!
Tippi: ... Did that even HURT?
Mario: Hurtz? Who's Hurtz?
Tippi: *sigh*
They continue successfully through the stage until...
Mario: SHINY CRACKER!
Tippi: No, it's a Mega Star.
Mario: Me want shiny cracker!
Mario grabs the Mega Star and turns into 8-Bit Mario.
8-Bit Mario: WHEEEEE!
8-Bit Mario stomps on all the enemies in his path, the Star Block, Mexico City, and Bestovious's house all in 10 seconds.
Tippi: WHAT?! That's impossible!
She reads the newspaper headline.
Tippi: Oh.
Bestovious: DIE, ALIEN SCUM!
He gets squashed.
Bestovious: Ow...
8-Bit Mario turns back to Mario.
Mario: Awwwww... I wanted to explode.
Tippi:...
Chapter 1-2
Mario: I'm the Road Runner from Looney Tunes! Beep Beep!
Tippi: Wait, no-
Mario somehow runs just like the Road Runner, and runs through the mountain to find a door.
Tippi: ... Don't touch me.
Mario: Dan na na na, na na, na na CAN'T TOUCH THIS!
After bumping the ladder block and climbing up...
Mario: Ooo, lookit the giant spiky things!
Tippi: You should Flip here, Mario.
Mario: Flip? What's Flip? Fruit Flips?
Tippi: No Mario, just press the A button.
Mario: A button? What's an A button?
Tippi: It's on that bracelet on your wrist!
Mario: You mean my dog collar?
Tippi: *grumble* Just smash it with your face or something.
Mario: YIPPEE!
Mario Flips, the world turns 3D, and he runs uphill.
Mario:..What do I do now?
Tippi: Press A again.
Mario: What A button?
Tippi: THE BUTTON YOU PRESSED A FEW SECONDS AGO!
Mario: You mean my dog collar?
Tippi: Grrrrrrrr...
The Flip Meter runs out! Mario loses 1 HP.
Mario: That tickles!
Tippi: *Sigh*
After returning to 2D, they came across a chasm.
Tippi: Let's go talk to-
Mario does that long jump move from Super Mario 64, and gets across safely.
Tippi: ... Then again, never mind.
Mario: *Gasp* A town! Let's go Christmas shopping!
Tippi: But Mario, we have to-
Mario hits the Save Block, and runs into Howzit's Shop.
Howzit: How's it-
Mario: I want that, that, that, and that.
Howzit: Uh...
Tippi: Mario, those are not-
Mario: Here's your dirty money!
Mario hands over 100 of his 133 coins.
Mario: Sucker...
Tippi: MARIO, THOSE WERE LINT BALLS!
Mario: Yes, but EXPLODEY lint balls!
Tippi: SO-
Mario throws a lint ball towards one of the houses, and the house explodes.
Thoreau: I SAY! FREE AT LAST! SMASHING!
Tippi: Ok...
Mario goes to the last house. *SMASH*
Watchitt: Whuzza? Huh? Pass the peas like we used to do?
Mario: *GASP* It's Captain Crunch!
Watchitt: HEY! Watch it, boy! I ain't no Captain Crunch!
Mario: Then why’s your beard is made of vanilla ice cream?
Watchitt: WATCH IT! I HATE vanilla ice cream! Cherry Jubilee from Baskin & Robbins is better!
Mario starts gnawing on Watchitt's beard, while Watchitt responds by beating the mess out of Mario, throwing him across the next chasm, and making Mario hit the Star Block.
Tippi: Not again...
Thoreau: I say, what “Not Again”?
Tippi: Shut up.
Chapter 1-3
Mario: Wow, that weird-tasting ice cream is making me feel sluggish! I'm gonna conveniently do 10 jumping jacks in front of this weird red palm tree!
He does so, and the door appears.
Thoreau: I say, how convenient!
At the quicksand pit...
Tippi: Now we gotta-
Mario falls face-first into the quicksand, slowly sinks, and loses 1 HP.
Tippi: MARIO!
Thoreau: Hahahahahaha! I say, he's a funny ol' chap!
Tippi: Shut up!
Thoreau: Killjoy.
Tippi: Grrrrrrr...
With the power of the Road Runner, Mario passed the quicksand and wall, and goes through the door.
O'Chunks: HA HA! None shall pass!
Mario: *GASP* A talking rock!
O'Chunks: Er, ok... But I'm here to stop yeh! This is the end of the road, li’l man!
Mario: ... Mr. Talking Rock, meet Pebblina!
Mario holds Pebblina, a pink "pebble" that is a small (but very valuable) pink sapphire, the gemstone of ultimate girliness! Dun dun dunnnn!
O'Chunks: Er, hi Pebblina. (to Mario) You have weird friends, do yeh?
Mario: Bye! You two have fun now!
He leaves with Tippi and Thoreau.
O'Chunks: Er... Wanna go get lunch?
Pebblina: ...
Outside the temple...
BOOM!
No, never mind, he busted the dragon-shaped door face open. Unstoppable, I tells ya...
Chapter 1-4
Tippi: Now let's-
The trio turn to see the rest of the temple blown up.
Tippi: Er, never mind.
Thoreau: I say, what kind of monster could have done so much destuctio-
Suddenly, Thoreau got smashed by a tail.
Thoreau: -n. Ow...
Mario and Tippi look up, to see Dimentio trying to tame the wild Fracktail with a flame whip. Oh, and he is wearing a top hat.
Dimentio: Heel. Heel NOW or I'll-
Fracktail: NEVER! I'LL CTRL ALT DEL YOU! I'LL CTRL ALT DEL YOU ALL! YOUR FACES! YOUR FACES-
Thoreau: Oh great, a “special” dragon.
Tippi: ARGH! Not more trouble! (to Dimentio) WHAT did you do?!
Dimentio: Well...
FLASHBACK- 20 SECONDS AGO
Dimentio: Hmmm... I'm getting impatient. They're taking too long.
Merlumina: But you JUST got here!
Dimentio: You lie.
Merlumina: *huff* Boys! So impatient...
Fracktail: I like corn.
Dimentio: And now, ladies and gentlemen, I shall make this here dragon my slave because he likes corn, which I hate.
Marlumina: BUT YOU'RE EATING CORN NOW!
Dimentio: (stuffing corn into mouth) What corn?
Merlumina: RARGH!
Dimentio: You're crazy. Don't touch me.
So Dimentio fried Fracktail's brain, and he went nuts. Oh, and he destroyed the temple too.
END FLASHBACK
Tippi: So you learned your lesson, and you're trying to correct your wrongdoing?
Dimentio: ... You're nuts. He's trying to destroy that Ihop over there. It's the ONLY restaurant in this miserable desert, like the only safe haven in the middle of a vast and violent battlefield. I'm hungry. And I LIKE eating at Ihop. Got all that?
Mario: Ooh, glowy-
Dimentio whips off Mario's nose, which catches fire and burns.
Mario: That tickles!
Thoreau: I say! What was all that about?
Dimentio: I'm LETHAL. Ah ha-
Suddenly, Fracktail explodes due to a run-in with Kelpto (who is STILL carrying Toad), and the debris falls on Dimentio.
Dimentio: -ha. Ow...
Toad: I'm free! YES! Stinks to be you!
Dimentio then kills Toad for no reason.
Ghost of Toad: ... WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
Dimentio: Read the last sentence, you idiot. Wait... Oh great. Like a mouse avoiding a cat, they escaped. Thanks a lot.
Ghost of Toad: Oh, so blame it on the innocent Toad who got kidnapped by a condor! You inconsiderate JERK! I have to put up with stuff like this every day! EVERY DAY! NOBODY ever thanks the little guys who always have to sacrifice themselves to-
Dimentio: I shall eat your soul.
Toad: 0_0 Uh oh...
In that hidden Ttmple place (aka The Shrine...)
Merlumina: Finally, the heroes arrive! I have been waiting for 1,500 years for you and…
15 hours later...
Merlumina: …but Bobby said we WILL be together forever! That traitor! I HATE YOU, BOBBY LINLEIGH! I HATE-
Mario: SHUT UP!
All of Plit and the dimensions beyond it: ...
Mario: Geez, you're like Morton, only a girl!
Merlumina: But Mario... I AM MORTON!
"Merlumina" tears off "her" disguise to reveal... MORTON KOOPA!
Mario: *GASP* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *Gasp* -AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
Tippi: SHUT UP!
She hits Mario with rock.
Mario: Tingly!
Thoreau: I say, ol' chap, can you give us the Pure Heart?
Morton: Never!
Thoreau: I gots wedding cake.
Morton: DEAL!
Morton gives them the Pure Heart, then jumps into the cake that randomly appeared.
Mario: Wait... That's no cake, it's-
Cake: RAWR!
Morton: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mario: ... Bundt.
END OF CHAPTER 1! AT CAS- WAIT, CAN'T TELL YOU!
Peach: HEY! Where's everybody?! And I gots my dress back! Sweet!
???: PRINCESS!
Peach turns to see Jonathan (the captain who is a Hammer Bro) and Private Koopa.
Jonathan: WOOT! Glad to see you ok! That may be one AWESOME wedding, but that crazy pastor guy is making an army... OUT OF HYPNOTISED BOWSER MINIONS AND/OR ZOMBIES!
Private Koopa: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!
Jonathan: Shut up.
Private Koopa: Make me!
They start arguing, then fighting. By tackling, they roll out the door and fall off the balcony in front of Nastasia and Co. There, a random all-out brawl occurs, involving hammers, fists, Goombas, fire hydrants, and tanks, unsuspectingly crushing Nastasia in the process. Then eventually they all KO each other and fall on Nastasia, tanks and all.
Natasia: Ow...
Peach: Wow. Stinks to be her!
Peach makes it to the drawbridge. Simple.
Peach: Great. What do I do-
Suddenly, she disappears.
Peach: -now? SWEET! I gots magic powers!
Dimentio: No you don't!
Peach: ... Who are you and why are you carrying me bridal-style? I ain't no Snow White!
Dimentio: Kiss me, for I have saved you like a prince does for his future bride!
Peach: ... You GOTS to be kidding me.
Dimentio: I assure you, I'm quite serious.
Peach: HOW IS THAT ASSURING?! You BARELY have a mouth! Or ankles. Or arms...
Dimentio: Fine then. A dollar.
Peach: Sorry, can't do that. LARSON stole my money!
Larson, that Bandit from PM:TTYD, flies past in a hot-air balloon.
Larson: HA HA! SUCKAS!
Dimentio: Fine then. I drop you.
Peach: WHAT?!
They teleport to the top of Flipside tower. Then, Dimentio drops Peach.
Peach: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *SMACK*
...
Dimentio: Ooooh. Stinks to be her! Ah ha ha.
Mario: Didn't I just see you?
Dimentio: Yesssss... Yes you did. Why?
Mario: Oh, no reason. Freak...
Dimentio: I heard that.
Mario: !
Tippi: Whatevs, let's-
And of course, Dimentio somehow pushes all three heroes off the tower.
Mario: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH- *SMACK*
Dimentio: Ok, this is getting boring. And I'm off, like petals on a spring breeze... and stuff. Yeah. Ciao!
He disappears.
Merlon: Yo, homies! You're back! And with another blingin' Pure Heart!
Tippi: Will you STOP-
Mario: *GASP* PEACH! WHYYYYYY?! YOU OWED ME A DOLLAR!
Merlon: Er, homie, she ain't dead. Some Spicy Soup-
In his grief, Mario starts chewing off Peach's fingernails, which wakes Peach up, screaming in a fit of terror.
Merlon: ... Or you could do just that.
Peach: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Mario: Well, I had to bring you back from the Great Beyond somehow!
Tippi: Strange... Mario is acting smarter...
Thoreau: Musta been that rock you threw at him two-and-a-half pages back.
Tippi: Oh yeah... Forgot about that...
A few minutes later...
Merlon: So! Since this chapter is taking forever to finish...
Merlon teleports them to the second Heart Pillar.
Mario: Well... THAT'S convenient...
They put in the Pure Heart. Special effects happen, and they teleport back to Flipside Tower.
Mario: So... Let's-a go...?
Peach: Yay! My third adventure! I'm gonna be the star!
Mario: Bu-
Peach: SHUT UP!
Mario: ...
Will Mario and Co. get the next Pure Heart? Will they ever get along? Will Bestovious save the day? Why didn't Red and Green appear in this Chapter? What will Howzit do now? Will O'Chunks take Pebblina out to lunch? Will Bundt eat Morton? Shut up? Will Dimentio eventually get to kiss Peach?
Peach: WHEN TEC GETS MARRIED!
Suddenly, TEC drives past in a silver Jaguar with his new wife, the Samsung Washing Machine. And Dimentio appears out of nowhere.
Peach: ... Oh snap.
Find out in Chapter 2 of Stupid Paper Mario!