INTERLUDE:
Mario and Co. return from the Bitlands.
Howzitt: This is gooooooooooooooooood for us! They’ve returned, so we must kill them!
Saffron: Die!
Psycho: Die!
Barry: You make friends wherever you go, don’t you?
Mario throws Barry at the people like a bowling ball, knocking them all the way off of Flipside. They fall into an abyss.
Peach: What is down there, anyway?
Mario: I don’t know.
Merlon: Hi!
Tippi: Do you always appear?
Merlon: Yes.
Next Heart Pillar: I grew legs! Mama will be so proud!
Bowser puts the Heart in and a green
door appears. They enter.
Chapter 4
4-1: The- Hey! Where are they?
Merlon: Back so soon?
Bowser: That door led to space!
Merlon: So?
Bowser: So we can’t breathe there, smart one!
Merlon: And yet you could breathe in the Tile Pool…
Bowser: Good point, but- Hey! How’d you know about that?!
Merlon: … Magic? Anyway, you’ll need a fishbowl. Preferably the one from Pook on the third floor.
Bowser jumps down, Peach glides down on her parasol, and Barry floats down. However, Bowser is severely damaged at the bottom, Peach’s parasol seems to have failed, and Barry apparently landed first, getting crushed by Bowser.
Mario: I think I’ll take the elevator.
Tippi: Yeah…
They do, and after taking the one to the third floor, they pass the unconscious bodies and find Pook.
Mario: Give us your fishbowl!
Pook: Find a place for Captain Gills!
Mario: Okay…
Mario reaches in and grabs Captain Gills, and chucks him far, far away. He then snatches the bowl, turns it upside down so the castle and whatnot fall out, and puts it on his head.
Pook: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
The Mega Shell suddenly runs him over.
Tippi: How’d that get here?
Mario: Who cares?
After Mario gives 1-Up Mushrooms to Peach, Bowser, and Barry, they head for the green door.
Peach: Wait, how do we know who wears it?
Psycho: Free fish helmets! Only two left!
Barry: How’d he survive?
Peach and Bowser take some, and they all enter the green door.
Chapter 4:
4-1: The Alien
(Or, Hey! They’re actually here this
time!)
The group is now in space.
Mario: Wow… Hey! I can see Plit from here!
Suddenly, Lord Crump flies by, still being launched from PM2.
Bowser: That was weird. Hey! I can see the Shroob planet from here!
Peach: You’ll have time to point this out during Super Mario Galaxy.
Squirps: Squi! Squi’m Squirps!
Mario: And we’re the people who don’t care!
Squirps: Squi know where the Squre Heart is!
Everyone Else: Gasp!
Tippi: Where?
Squirps: It’s in the Whoa Zone. But no one who enters ever leaves, and it’s very dangerous, as is the path that leads there! So if anyone has anything left undone, do it before we may never return! Why aren’t I talking weird?
Barry: What if we take the shortcut?
Squirps: Squaw, you never squet me have any squn!
Barry: We only just met.
Squirps: Squo?
They go down onto the path and keep walking until they find a squarp hole.
Peach: What is it?
Squirps: Squay attention to the squarrator!
Bowser: What’s a squarrator?
Squirps: Squevermind.
Choppa: Die!
Mario: Pixl Shield!
Barry: Wha?
Mario holds Barry in the way, and the Choppa’s blades kill Barry.
Bowser: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
They enter the squarp hole and end up right next to the green door.
Mario’s Group: D’oh!
Squirps: Squa, ha!
They go back to the shortcut, go past the squarp hole, and enter the next one they see. They come out of the first one, and decide to re-enter, though it takes them back to the green door again.
Mario: … This is going nowhere.
Peach: I have an idea!
Peach enters the squarp hole they just came out of, and appears next to the Star Block.
Mario, Bowser, and Tippi: …
Squirps: Squ…*
(*that’s the squ prefix with “…”)
They enter the squarp hole and come out near the Star Block, and Peach hits the block.
4-2: The Paper Search
Or, Why didn’t you go before we left?!
After getting even more hopelessly lost in the recesses of space, they stop on a small planet called Blobule.
Tippi: Is this where the Pure Heart and the Whoa Zone are?
Squirps: Squo! Squi have to go to the squathroom!
Bowser: Why didn’t you go before we left?!
Peach: Bowser, shut up.
Bowser: Don’t tell me what to do! I’m still mourning the loss of Barry!
Peach: …
Fleep (inside the stall): Phel! Hrete’s on rapep ni rhee!
Mario: What on Plit-
Tippi: Blobule.
Mario: What on Blobule is he saying?!
Tippi: He said, “Help! There’s no paper in here!”
Bowser: But isn’t everything made of paper? I mean this is based off of a Paper Mario game.
Tippi: Nothing in there is made of paper.
Squirps: Squick! Squo get some squaper, so he can squinish and I can go potty!
Mario: You do it! You want it so bad!
Squirps: Squo! Squi have to go so much, I squan’t move!
Mario: That doesn’t make sense.
Bowser: I’m too old to be getting toilet paper so a little kid can potty! I mean, come on!
Peach: Bowser, just come on.
Bowser: No! The other day, I found a gray hair! I have eight kids, and one of them is about ready for high school! I’m gonna be one of those creepy old guys who takes their kid to the park and the people next to me will wonder, “Hmm. Is he the dad, or the granddad, or the granddad’s granddad? And why is he pushing a traffic cone on the swing while his son sits in the mud and cries? Oh no, now he’s taking the traffic cone home with him in his minivan. Great. Now the son is still in the mud, while the traffic cone sits quietly and watches Finding Nemo on DVD!” That’s not a pleasant image, Peach!
Mario, Peach, Tippi, and Squirps: 0_0
Peach: You’re not allowed to use your imagination anymore.
Fleep: Stuj egt em rapep!
Tippi: He said, “Just get me paper!”
Mario: Fine, we’ll get your freaking paper.
Peach: Bowser, you and Tippi stay here and watch Squirps.
Bowser: I’m the evil Koopa King! You can’t tell me to watch a little alien kid!
Peach: …
Mario: Ooh, bad move.
Peach beats Bowser up.
Mario: …
Peach: What?
Mario: IF YOU CAN DO THAT, WHAT DO YOU NEED ME AND LUIGI FOR?!
Peach: … I don’t know.
They continue, but are stopped at a gap that’s too long for even Peach. A Longator at the other end stretches his head all the way over.
Longator: If you want to pass, you must answer this riddle! What’s as big as a mountain, but small as a mouse?
Mario: … A year’s supply of food over the course of a year?
Peach: A giant, ever deflating balloon?
Longator: NO! You lose!
Mario: Aren’t you even going to tell us what the answer is?
Longator: Nope!
Mario and Peach grab his head, and he retracts it out of pain, and they run away, now on the other side.
Longator: D’oh!
Choppas: DIE!
Mario: You killed Barry! Now you must die!
Peach: You put Barry in the line of fire. So to speak.
Mario: I don’t recall.
Peach: What are we talking about?
Choppas: What are we all here for?
After going through enough therapy, Mario, Peach, and the Choppas remember what they were doing. However, Mario pocketed the therapist’s degree and runs off to the outhouse with Peach. The Choppas give chase.
Longator: I’m not letting you use me again!
He then sees the Choppas.
Longator: Those guys owe me money! And they refuse to give me my money! They must die!
Mario: If you want to make them mad, you can let us across, leaving them on this side.
Longator: Can’t they fly?
Peach: That’s just a myth.
He takes them across, and just after they get off…
Mario: She lied.
Longator: Curse you!
The Choppas fly over the pit and keep chasing Mario and Peach, but they head to the outhouse.
Mario: Quick!
Mario points the Wii-Mote at one of the Choppas.
Tippi:
HP: 5
Attack: 1
Tattle: That Choppa is a strange organism
that flies through the air... and dimensions... Max HP is 5 and Attack
is 1. It's hard to track, as it occasionally flips... However, it occasionally
stops to rest. That's your chance...
Choppas: We’re tired.
They all suddenly fall… and land in a spike pit.
Bowser: There was no spike pit.
Tippi: They were in 3D when they fell, and there’s a spike pit only seen in 3D there.
Fleep: Uoy vhae teh rapep?
Tippi: “You have the paper?”
Mario: Fine…
He gives Fleep the toilet paper. And Fleep comes out.
Fleep: Nackth uoy. Sa a gnis fo tratigude, I lalsh noji uoy.
Tippi: “Thank you. As a sign of gratitude, I shall join you.”
Bowser: Fine, but you have to speak properly!”
Fleep: I nac’t.
Tippi: “I can’t.”
Mario: Then you’re not allowed to talk anymore!
Fleep: Oh’d!
Tippi: “D’oh!”
Fleep: …
Everyone but Fleep and Squirps: Music to my ears.
Peach: Squirps, don’t you have to go?
Squrips: Squou took to long. Squo I walked squover to behind a shrub…
Peach: Never mind.
Fleep: Did you know I should be used when you see lightning-shaped cracks in the air? … I mean, Idd uoy ownk... FORGET THIS!
Fleep flips the rift, and it drops a key.
Tippi: We should probably use it on that locked door ahead.
They proceed through the level regularly.
4-3: The Chocolate Search
Or, First paper, now chocolate! How
much does it take to keep an alien happy?!
Mario: That’s a long title.
They are in another space area, with helmets on again.
Squirps: Squelcome to the Space Bypass! Squit’s the way that squeads to the Whoa Squone.
Bowser: No, we want to visit the Whoa Zone. Not the Whoa Squone.
Squirps: Squat’s what I squaid!
Bowser: …
Tippi: Hey! A gate with a hole shaped like Squirps!
Squirps: Squi know what we squave to do!
Soon, Mario, Peach, Bowser, Tippi, Fleep, and Squirps are all dressed as chickens and dance to the Donkey Konga 2 Theme Song.
Mario: How is this going to open the gate?
Squirps: Squa? Squoh yeah! Sqou just have to fit a Squirpian into there.
Everyone but Squirps: …
Squirps: Squat?
In rage, Peach throws Squirps into the impression, but since there’s no gravity and whatnot, he floats. Even though he’s screaming as if he were moving as fast as a bullet. The gate opens while he’s in it.
Squirps: Squh-oh. Squi’m stuck.
Mario: Don’t worry. I have experience in getting people out of places they can’t themselves get out of.
Bowser: Ha ha! Mario’s saying he’s so fat that he knows from experience how to get himself out of small places!
Mario: Actually I was referring to that time we all had that Christmas Party at Wario’s place…
Bowser: … Oh…
Mario holds out a shiny penny.
Squirps: Squiny!
He comes out, and… eats the penny.
All but Squirps: …
They enter and find another door, only there’s two holes, one on each side. Mario puts Squirps in one.
Tippi: Now what?
Squirps: Squi’m hungry. Squo find something to eat, or squi’ll play the Bongos of Doom!
All but Squirps: 0_0
They head off to find another squarp hole.
Bowser: OH NOES! NOT ANOTHER!
They all go through it and come out the one right next to it, with the first one right in front of them. They re-enter, and come out in the one they first entered. This goes on for a while until…
Peach: What’s that?
They all turn to see a convenience store past the squarp holes they’re at.
Bowser: That’s convenient!
Inside…
Howzit: Welcome to Twinkle Mart!
Tippi: Why do you have a convenience store out in the middle of nowhere?
Howzit: For convenience! If it was in a place where it wouldn’t be convenient, it wouldn’t be a convenience store, and my life would have no meaning. And that wouldn’t be goooooooooooooood.
Peach: Wait… YOU’RE THE GUY FROM FLIPSIDE WITH THE ROBOT! How’d you survive?
Howzit: Huh? Pass the peas like we used to?
Peach: What?
Howzit: Ahh! The voices! They’re everywhere! And nowhere!
Peach: Why are you so crazy?
Howzit: Don’t question things you cannot understand.
Peach: But-
Howzit: Silence, nonbeliever!
Bowser: One chocolate bar, please.
Howzit: Okay. Have a gooooooooooooooooooooood day!
They return to Squirps.
Squirps: Squappies! Squa chocolate bar!
He eats some of it, and splits in two. The other Squirps fits himself into the other impression.
Bowser: Cool! Give me that!
The gate opens and the Star Block is in sight.
Mario and Peach: Happies!
Tippi: Uh, guys?
Mario: Wha- OH MY DAD!
Peach: 0_0
They turn to see an army of Bowsers, as well as two Squirps.
Mario: …
Squirps (original): Squst go with squit.
Squirps (clone): Sques, please do.
They all go over to the Star Block.
4-4: The New Guys
Or, WHOA!
The gang is headed to the Whoa Zone, but Squirps suggested a shortcut past a sun, causing the Bowser clones and the Squirps clone to burn to death, leaving the originals. Inside the Whoa Zone…
Squirps: Squi’ll meet up squith you ahead.
Tippi: …
Peach: What’s wrong, Tippi?
Tippi: You don’t actually expect the author to write out us going up, down, left, right, and all other odd directions through this whole place?
Peach: Good point.
Bowser: Shiny!
He heads into the next door, and everyone follows. They end up coming out of a door right above it, upside-down. Mario’s hat and Peach’s crown fall to the ground. They enter the next door in front of them, and come out of the door they used to enter the Whoa Zone, thus right back where they started.
Tippi: Maybe we should try entering the door we just came out of.
They try that, and enter the next room.
Mario: No wonder they call it the Whoa Zone.
Peach: Wait!
Peach goes through the door they came out of and enters the previous room. She picks up the dropped hat and crown and enters the door, only to find herself leaving the Whoa Zone.
Peach: I hate this place already.
She re-enters, and appears in the room where she left the others waiting.
Mario: My hat!
After somehow making sure they won’t fall off, Mario and Co. enter the next door, and come out the door that first took them in here. They enter that door to come out into the next room, which is miraculously the room right before the boss fight!
Bowser: How’d we get here?
Tippi: Magic.
They enter the next door… and leave the Whoa Zone.
Everyone: D’oh!
They enter again and find themselves in a room with Squirps.
Squirps: Squat took so squong?
Bowser: We got lost.
Squirps: Squell there’s squalways one pair of rooms squat don’t ever change. Squat’d be the Pure Squeart’s room, which is right ahead.
Voice: Thanks for leading me, Squirps.
Luigi, wearing an odd, yet cool costume comes down… right next to Squirps.
Luigi: Darn! I was supposed to land on you!
Squirps: … Squiiiiiiight. Squi’m gonna go into the squext room now.
He does.
Luigi: Now you will die at the hands of Mr. L! Or you could call me, The Green Thunder!
Mario: Luigi, take that costume off. You look like a Hamburglar rip-off.
Mr. L: Who is this Luigi? I’m Mr. L! Die!
Bowser: What does the L stand for?
Mr. L: Silence!
Bowser: Wouldn’t that make you Mr. S?
Mr. L: That’s not what I meant!
Mr. L jumps on Mario… a lot.
Mario: Owie! Okay! Fine! I apologize for taking all the fame! Just stop jumping on me!
Mr. L: Whatever. As a minion of Count Bleck, I’m going to have to kill you.
Mario grabs Mr. L’s feet, and throws him at the wall, then beats him up. Bowser joins in.
Peach: Guys! That’s Luigi! You can’t do that to him!
Mario: Come on! When am I ever going to get a chance like this again?
Bowser: Plus, I get to finally win against one of the Mario Bros!
Peach: … Carry on.
While they keep fighting, P.T. comes in from the next room.
P.T.: Mr. Thunder, can I wear the cool mask now?
Mr. L: Three things. First, my name isn’t Mr. Thunder. Second, no. Third, WHY THE UNDERWHERE AREN’T YOU HELPING?!
P.T.: I just don’t feel like it.
Mr. L: Why do you think the Count’s assistant sent both of us?
P.T.: Silence, nonbeliever!
Mr. L: Enough! It’s time to bring out my brother!
Mario: I’m right here.
Mr. L: I’ve never even met you!
Peach: He’s lost it.
The scene changes to space. A robotic Luigi head is seen, while Mario and Co. have helmets again.
BOSS: TOTALLY TERRIBLE TRIO: MR. L, BROBOT, and P.T.
Bowser: How’d we get here?
Mr. L: Silence! … Why are you in my seat?
P.T.: You drove it on the way here, so now it’s my turn!
Mr. L: What?! There aren’t any “turns”! Besides, it’s my robot!
P.T.: I don’t see your name on it!
Mr. L: I don’t see yours!
Meanwhile…
Tippi: They seem to be distracted! Now’s our chance!
Bowser breathes fire on Brobot, causing him to explode. They all land back in that room in the Whoa Zone.
Mr. L: Ow… YOU MORON! You didn’t help me fight, and when you did participate, all you did was get me distracted!
P.T.: At least I don’t look like a Hamburglar rip-off.
Mr. L: You win this round.
They somehow leave.
Tippi: That was weird.
They enter the next room and find Squirps and a statue.
Squirps: Squinally! Squell Mommy, I finished! Sqoh, and I’m squalso the prince of Squirpia.
Peach: That’s a statue. And okay.
Squirps: Squoh yeah. Squi always confuse my mommy squith that squatue. Squere you go.
He gives them the Pure Heart.
END OF CHAPTER(S)!
Meanwhile…
Mr. L: Well, Count, I can see why you recruited me. I mean, look at these guys! They’re so dumb! The other new guy is dumb too.
P.T.: I’m right here.
Mr. L: I mean, these guys should be Junior Minions!
O’Chunks: JUNIOR MINIONS?! In that kess, let meh show ye ma wee li’l friends: Fist Jr. end Slappy!
He pulls out a hamster cage with a hamster.
O’Chunks: … Where’s Fist Jr?
Dimentio burps.
Everyone Else: …
Dimentio: What?
O’Chunks: FIST JUNIOR! NOOOOO!!!
P.T.: Why must the good die young?!
Mimi: If anything, you’re the Junior Minion! You lost, and you’re a new one!
Mr. L: Hey, it was only my first mission! But I can’t be as bad as the other new guy.
Mimi: True.
P.T.: Still right here.
Bleck: Enough! Count Bleck must go check on Nastasia to see how far she’s gotten on painting the castle. She apparently forgot that she hypnotized Count Bleck’s nephew, so she’s being punished. Bye!
Bleck flips away.
O’Chunks: Dimentio, weren’t weh supposed teh go to teh next world now?
Dimentio: You’re right like a guy on a gameshow. We must leave!
O’Chunks jumps off the platform, and Dimentio uses his signature exit. Mimi flips away, Luigi jumps off, and P.T. uses the Deku Leaf to glide down.
P.T. (offscreen): Is that the Mega Shell up ahead?
O’ Chunks and Mr. L (offscreen): Uh oh.
And that ends that chapter! How did
the Heart Pillar grow legs? How could the group not breathe in space when
they could in the Tile Pool? How’d the Mega Shell get to Flipside? How’d
the psycho and Howzitt survive? Why did Mario have Barry killed? Why was
there a Choppa in 4-1? Why are the squarp holes so weird? Why can’t Fleep
talk right? Is Bowser really too old? Why does Peach need Mario and Luigi
if she can take on Bowser herself? What is the answer to the Longator’s
riddle? Will the Longator ever get his money from the Choppas? Why’d Squirps
want everyone to dance? How’d Squirps find the Bongos of Doom? Why is there
a convenience store in the middle of nowhere? How does chocolate multiply
someone? Why is the Whoa Zone so weird? Will P.T. ever get to drive the
Brobot? Will O’Chunks get over the loss of Fist Jr? Did Nastasia know that
Crazy was Bleck’s nephew? What’s the next world? How will O’Chunks, Mr.
L, and P.T. get past the Mega Shell? Tune in!
Interlude:
The group returns from space. And Tippi faints.
Merlon: It appears that her Pixl form can’t last much longer. She was a human when I found her, but she was so weak that I changed her form.
Peach: How’d you get here? And why do we care? And why does the author keep forgetting to include the parts with Blumiere and Timpani, whoever those are, between chapters?
Merlon: Magic, because, and because. Now go find the path to Flopside.
Bowser: Like that pipe next to your house?
Merlon: What the- How did that get there?
Bowser: Magic.
They go down and enter. They appear in the same place, only mirrored.
Gray Merlon: Hi!
Peach: How’d you change your suit so quickly, Merlon?
GM: I’m not Merlon! I’m Nolrem!
Oiram (Oy-ram): Hi, Nolrem! We’re back!
Hcaep (Huh-cape): We found Igiul and P.T.-from-another-dimension-kind-of-like-his-alter-ego in the Wow Zone. Oh, and we met a Fairen* named Peelf. He speaks perfect English!
(*Fairen is the original name for Pixls.)
A rainbow-colored bird faints.
Reswob (Rezz-wobb): Hey! Ippit fainted!
Crazy Person: Die!
Notso: Not so bad for us! They’ve returned!
Dyllis: Die!
Puck: I love you, Captain Feathers!
A Mega Shell runs over Captain Feathers. That seems to be the only unchanged thing.
Puck: NOOOO-
He gets run over, too.
Peach: I hate this place.
Hcaep: I love this place.
Mario: Do you know where we can find a Heart Pillar, “Nolrem”?
Nolrem: No.
Heart Pillar: I grew wings! Mama will be so proud!
Mario puts it in and a door appears on Flipside Tower.
Mario: Shouldn’t it be on Flopside Tower?
That’s where the Chapter 8 door will go.
Mario: Then how did these guys get here?
Oiram: Magic.
Mario: …
Oiram: …*
(*the dots were in opposite order of how they were said by Mario)
Freaked out, Mario and Co. return to Flipside, while Oiram and Co. warp to the next (opposite) world.
Merlon: This is the longest interlude ever!
Tippi: I’m alive!
They all head into the cyan door on
the fourth floor. Hey! That rhymes!
Chapter 5:
5-1: The Cragnons and Floro-Sapiens
Or, I HATE YOU, JASPEROID!
Two Cragnons walk up to a big rock.
Jasperoid: Hey, you stupid rock! Come help us.
Other Cragnon: Yeah, help us, ya foo! Hahahahahahahaha!
Mario, Peach, Tippi, and Fleep land on the rock, and then they get crushed by Bowser, who falls last.
Mario, Peach, and Tippi: Ow!
Fleep: Wo!
Tippi: He said, “Ow”.
Marbald: Help! The Floro-Sapiens took some of our villagers!
Mario: Good for you.
Marbald: … So naturally you’re going to have to get them back.
Mario: … I hate you.
Tippi: How come Peach, Bowser, Fleep, and I don’t get any lines?
Mario: Because, because, he can’t talk right, and because.
They go into the next area and find three blocks.
Tippi: Apparently someone hit them.
Jasperoid: You have to hit them like this: Left, right, middle. Ya foo.
Bowser: How’d you get here? And what kind of name is Jasperoid? It’s like humanoid, only with Jasper instead of human.
Jasperoid: Silence, nonbeliever! Hahahahahahaha!
Bowser goes and does that, and a pipe appears. They go into the next area and see something heading their way.
Peach: Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.
Tippi: It is…
Everyone but Fleep: MUTH STAMPEDE!
They’re all charging crazily, when a Goomba gets in the way.
Goomba: Hi!
Tippi: That poor soul!
The first Muth trips over the Goomba, causing all the others to fall. The group and Jasperoid come up to three more blocks after that.
Peach: Stop following us!
Jasperoid: I must give you the combination, ya foo!
Peach: What is it?
Jasperoid: Say please.
Peach: Please
Jasperoid: Three more times, ya foo!
Peach: Please, please, please.
Jasperoid: Five more times, ya foo!
Peach: Please, please, please, please, please.
Jasperoid: Eight more times! Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Peach: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please.
Jasperoid: Twenty-
Peach pokes him hard in the stomach with her parasol.
Jasperoid: Ow! Stupid girl! Fine! The combination is left, right, right, right, right, right, middle, left, left, left, middle, middle, left, right, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, right, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle…
Hours later, everyone but Jasperoid is asleep.
Jasperoid: …Middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, middle, right, left, right… middle. Got all that, ya foos?
Tippi (waking up): Hey! What’s that?
They all see that the pipe is already there.
Everyone but Fleep and Jasperoid: …
Mario kicks Jasperoid away, and they
all go down the pipe and find the Star Block. It gets hit.
5-2: The Tablets
Or, What’s the motto with you?
The group sees the Floro Sapiens still running off with the Cragnons.
Tippi: Wow, they’re fast.
The Mega Shell slides through and hits a button, causing the pond to drain.
Peach: Hey! What’s that?
Peach finds the Water Tablet. Following the Floro Sapiens, they reach an area with a big, yellow block.
Tippi: They went under that block! We must find a way to get rid of it! And since this chapter requires a Pixl we haven’t found yet, we’ll probably have to do lots of things to actually ever be able to move that thing!
Mario: Wow, you could see that coming a mile away.
The Mega Shell then comes back, with a stone arch on it. Apparently, it ran into the arch.
Mario: RUN!
The shell then chases them all around the Gap of Crag, destroying everything, even the stone Yoshi. Peach manages to pocket the Stone Tablet, and they continue running. During the chase, the arch and fire thing fall off. Mario flips and avoids the shell. Peach is protected by her parasol, but Bowser is defenseless.
Bowser: D’oh! Now what?
Tippi: Why not just move the shell somewhere else?
Bowser: Oh!
Bowser turns and kicks the Mega Shell away, thus heading off into the horizon.
Peach: Hey, there are inscriptions in this firepit. “Breathe fire on me, or no soup for you”?
(Does anyone get the reference?)
Bowser: I like soup! I must breathe fire!
He does, and gets the Fire Tablet. O’Chunks appears.
O’Chunks: Oy! I thought I’d come end chunk ye, but I saw that the Mega Shell was doin’ meh job for meh. So I thought ed just sit back n’ watch. But ye got rid of it, so I must now chunk ye!
Dimentio appears.
Dimentio: Hi O’Chunks!
O’Chunks: Oy! I don’t need ye help, Dimentio! ‘Specially not since ye ate Fist Jr! He was the only one eh could trust to keep meh secrets.
Tippi: Who’s Jr?
O’Chunk: Me hamster.
Everyone but O’Chunks and Dimentio: 0_0
Dimentio: Oh no! I’m just here visiting my friend King Croacus, and I happened to see you, like a person visiting their girlfriend in the hospital and happening to see their old roommate. Plus, I wanted to make up for the loss of your hamster!
He sends them all to Dimension D.
Dimentio: Ciao!
Mario: Hey! I’m the Italian!
Dimentio: Shut up like a monk taking a vow of silence, fool!
Peach: One Fawful is bad enough.
Dimentio: … Aw, you guys never let me have fun!
Dimentio leaves.
O’Chunks: Die!
He tries to pick up Bowser, but fails. He tries to pick up Peach, but she just slaps him. He grabs Mario, but Mario turns him over like before. Bowser then sits on him, and farts. They are all back in the wrecked Gap of Crag.
O’Chunks: AAAAAHHHHHH!!! YE CHUNKED ME GOOD! I CAN’T GO ON! END ME GAME QUICK!
Everyone but Fleep and O’ Chunks: Kay.
Dimentio appears.
Dimentio: Your game can’t end yet! I need you for my plan!
O’Chunks: What plan?
Dimentio: You’re not supposed to know! Now come, as I have the key to your hamster cage, and Slappy has slow reaction time!
O’Chunks: *gasp* Fine!
He warps them away.
Tippi: That was odd.
Cudge: Hi! Give me a motto!
Peach: Live long and prosper?
Cudge: LIVE LONG AND- What’s the motto, again?
Mario: Nothing, what’s the motto with you? Ha!
Cudge: …
Mario: Listen! You’re not allowed to talk, and you’re just going to be my hammer, got it?
Cudge: Yes, Mommy.
Mario: …
Bowser: Why can’t he be my hammer?
Peach: Or mine?
Mario: Because!
Mario cudges (my new verb for using
Cudge) the block, and they all enter the pipe and hit the Star Block.
5-3: The Missing Crew
Or, I HATE YOU EVEN MORE, FLINT CRAGLEY!
Bowser: How’d we get into this room?
Tippi: I’m tired of answering that.
Flint Cragley: Hey, you have to-
The Mega Shell runs over Cragley, because I really hate him.
Monzo: We’re free!
Hornfels: Here, take the key- AAHH! WHEN THE SHELL RAN HIM OVER, IT TOOK HIS KEY!
Mario: Obviously.
Red Floro-Sapien: Attack, my army!
A bunch of Floro Cragniens appear. Bowser’s about to let his fire breath loose, when…
Monzo: You’re not supposed to kill them! You’ll lose points!
Bowser: This is a Fun Fiction, not a game.
Monzo: True…
Hornfels: But they’ll sue you!
Bowser: *gasp*
Mario: Then should we just avoid them?
Hornfels: Yes.
The Mega Shell then runs over all of the Floro Cragniens.
Peach: I can’t tell if that thing is convenient or inconvenient.
Tippi: I’m thinking both.
Red Floro-Sapien: Attack, my back-up army!
More Floro Cragniens appear, with some Floro-Sapiens. And the Mega Shell yet again runs them over.
RFS: Attack, my Emergency Army!
Some Floro-Sapiens appear. They all take a step back to avoid the Mega Shell. Yet they didn’t expect the Mega Shell to take a new path…
RFS: …
The Mega Shell then runs over him, and bursts through a wall, revealing the Star Block’s room.
Mario: … That was fast.
They go and hit it.
5-4: The Floro-Sapien King
Or, You sure that dude’s a dude?
The heroes, along with Cragley’s group, are deeper in the Floro Caverns.
Hornfels: Okay. The Floro-Sapiens’ king should be further.
Monzo: Bye!
They leave.
Purple Floro-Sapien: DIE!
Mario and Co: AAAHH!!!
The enemy chases them all the way into a pit with two Floro Cragniens.
PFS: Ha!
Cudge is then thrown up, and uppercuts the PFS. He then bonks him on the head on the way back down.
PFS: This never happened. *walks off*
Bowser: Lookit! A key!
Piece of wall with a skull on it: You were supposed to get that from me! Die!
Mario: No!
POWWAKOI: Please?
Mario: Never.
POWWAKOI: … Please?
Mario cudges the POWWAKOI into many small chunks. He then takes it to a locked door. Inside, everyone finds a Cragnon and a Pixl.
Gabbro: Dottie, you’re the only friend I’ve ever had in all my life! Other than my mom, you’re also the only girl I could ever talk to!
Dottie: How old did you say you were?
Gabbro: I’d, uh, rather not talk about it.
Dottie: …
Then, two Floro-Sapiens come and take them away.
Tippi: I thought those guys were supposed to survive.
Peach: You think lots of things.
Bowser: Well, there’s only one place left to go.
They try to enter the palace, but can’t because they have no floro sprouts.
Bowser: Okay, now there’s only one place left to go.
They try to enter the factory, but can’t because they have no key card.
Peach: This is probably where Dottie would be used.
Bowser: Don’t worry. MINION #374,830,743,653! COME HERE NOW! CODE LAVENDER!
A Microgoomba appears, panting.
Microgoomba (Minion #374,830,743,653): Yes *pant* sir?
Bowser: Fit through there and give us a key card!
Microgoomba: Yes *pant* sir.
He does.
Mario: Why is he panting?
Bowser: If you ran all the way from 3-1 to 5-4, I’m sure you’d be tired too.
The minion comes back with the key card.
Minion: Anything *pant* else?
Bowser: I forgot my teddy bear! Give it to me!
He leaves and comes back.
Minion: Wasn’t *pant* there.
Bowser: Oh yeah, I took it with me.
Minion: …
Bowser: You’re dismissed.
The minion leaves, and they all enter the factory. In one of the rooms, they find caged Floro-Cragniens on both sides.
Tippi: Ooh! What does this button do?
She presses it, and the Floro-Cragniens are released.
Tippi: … Oops.
The Mega Shell then runs over all the Floro-Cragniens ahead of them. They then continue up into a pipe and find Dimentio with O’Chunks. O’ Chunks is wearing a floro sprout.
Dimentio: I welcome you, like a butler at a rich guy’s house! Meet O’Cabbage!
O’Chunks: Yo. Er, eh men, CABBAGE! BROCCOLI! TOMATO! CUCUMBER! ASPARAGUS! GOURD! INSERT VEGETABLE HERE!
Dimentio: O’Chunks, tomatoes are fruits.
O’Chunks: … Says you.
Tippi: They are.
Bowser: She’s right.
Mario: Yeah.
Peach: We’ll have to go with Tippi.
Fleep: Tuifr.
Tippi: He said, “fruit”.
Dimentio: Whatever! Now you shall fight in Dimension D! (If they can beat O’Cabbage, it’ll prove that they’re getting stronger, thus it’ll be better for my plan.)
The scene changes, and Dimentio leaves. O’Chunks tries to grab Bowser, but fails. He then tries to lift up Peach, and again gets slapped. And for the third time, Mario flips him over. The scene changes back, and the sprout falls off.
O’Chunks: Oy! What happened?
Mario: Basically the same thing that happened in 5-2, only you were under a floro-sprout’s control, and Bowser didn’t fart on you.
O’Chunks: Oh. Eh’m hungreh! Got to go!
O’Chunks once more farts himself away… and hits the ceiling.
Mario: Idiot.
Tippi: Maybe now we can use the sprout to enter the palace! Now if only we could find a way to make it fit on all three of you…
Mario takes out a knife and chops it into three pieces.
Tippi: … Okay.
They place the sliced sprout on their heads and continue into the palace. They find pictures of the Croacus Family Lineage.
Peach: This reminds me of the time I was caught by Booster.
Bowser: Or does it?
Peach: It does.
Bowser: Darn!
They are all stumped on what to do, but then a Mega Shell runs through the wall. So Mario and Co. decide to follow it.
King Croacus IV: Oooooooo-weeeeeeee-ooooo! How dare you?!
Mario: Sorry, your queenliness.
Croacus: I AM A KING!
Mario: … You sure?
Croacus: DIE!
BOSS: FRAGRANT, FLOWERY FOE: KING CROACUS IV
Croacus grows a stem and odd head things. He also draws rose petals around his head, protecting it.
Croacus: Now what’ll you do? Oooooooooooo-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooooooooo…
Hours later…
Croacus: …oooooooooooooooooo…
Peach: Maybe while he’s going on, we can attack.
Tippi: He doesn’t seem to notice us. So why not?
Bowser breathes fire on the stem, causing it to burn, along with everything else on Croacus. He is now in his head form, lying on the ground.
Croacus: Even while I wilt, I’m beautiful!
Bowser: No you’re not.
Croacus: Silence, nonbeliever!
Some Floro-Sapiens enter.
Floro-Sapien 1: Dude, what’d you do?
Bowser: I breathed fire!
Peach: Now that your evil king is dead, I demand you free the Cragnons!
Chef: Or no soup for you!
Floro-Sapien 2: What? The Cragnons started it! They stole Floro-Sapien #38,743,865,896,393,674,398’s toy truck!
Mario: I remember buying a toy truck from a Cragnon the other day. You mean this?
Mario holds it out.
Tippi: You keep a toy train with you?
Floro-Sapien 2: That’s the exact truck! Fork it over!
Floro-Sapiens 3 and 4: Why don’t we get lines?
Croacus: Hello! I’m still dying here!
Monzo and Hornfels come in.
Tippi: Where were you guys?
Monzo: We’ll never tell you.
Hornfels: But we found the Pure Heart!
He throws it at Bowser, who falls over onto Croacus, stabbing him with his spiked shell.
Floro-Sapien 1: That’s not pretty.
Mario takes it from Bowser and the chapter ends.
END OF CHAPTER(S)!
Meanwhile…
O’Chunks is singing for Nastasia. And P.T. is counting the tiles on the ceiling. But there aren’t any.
O’Chunks: END DON’T MOCK THE COUNT OR ELSE EEL KILL YE AND STEAL YER BREATH! SO WHEN- INSERT LYRICS HERE!
Nastasia: Riiiiight. One down, 999 to go, K?
Mimi appears.
Mimi: What ARE you doing, O’Chunks?
O’Chunks: Singin’.
Nastasia: Um, since he failed twice in one chapter, he has to sing a motivational song, uh, 1,000 times, k?
Mimi: … Right… I haven’t done anything since Chapter 2, so I’m leaving.
Mr. L appears.
Mr. L: Okay, Brobot is all fixed. I gave him a dumb addition to his name, gave him hands and feet, and decreased his HP significantly. Oh, and I gave him some new attacks. I’m ready to roll!
P.T.: I can’t tell if there are no tiles, or if the ceiling is too high. Or if they’re all black.
Nastasia: No, Mr. L and Mimi. You can’t go to the next world, k? Count’s orders. Bye.
Nastasia leaves and Dimentio appears.
Mimi: Aw, I want to try to crush the heroes again!
Mr. L: And Brobot L-Type-
P.T.: That’s a dumb name.
Mr. L: … And Brobot L-Type craves his daily smash!
Dimentio: Aw yes. Too bad you can’t sneak, like Harry Potter under his invisibility cloak, and just quickly kill the heroes in the next world, coughSammer’sKingdomcough, and return. The Count may forget about your disobedience if you kill them. But orders are orders.
Mimi and Mr. L: Wha?
Dimentio: I’m telling you to go to the next world without actually telling you.
Mr. L and Mimi: Oh.
Mr. L: Uh, say, I gotta go… uh… deflavorize Brobot’s flavorizer! Be back soon.
Mr. L leaves.
Mimi: Uh, yeah… And I’m going to get us all… McDonald’s! Yeah.
She leaves.
P.T.: Hmm… She doesn’t know what I like.
P.T. tries to flip, but actually just spins around, and dizzily falls off the platform.
Dimentio: …
So! Why is Flopside so opposite? Will the big rock ever help the Cragnons? Why does Jasperoid want so many Pleases? How’d the Mega Shell get to the Land of the Cragnons? Is it convenient or inconvenient? Why does O’Chunks fart so much? Do I really hate Flint Cragley? (Yes) What will Monzo and Hornfels do now? How’d the piece of wall with the skull on it break free and learn to talk? What will happen to Gabbro and Dottie? Will O’Chunks fight the heroes again? Is Croacus actually a guy? Why did the Cragnons steal the toy truck? Why did Mario buy said truck, and keep it around with him? Will O’Chunks manage to sing the song 1,000 times? Will P.T. ever learn about the tiles? Why is Dimentio learning reverse psychology? What’s a flavorizer? Wouldn’t deflavorizing a flavorizer defeat the purpose? Will P.T. learn that Mimi going to McDonald’s is just a lie? Why are there always so many questions? Tune in!