Interlude:
Mario and Co. return from the Land of the Cragnons.
Psycho: DIE!
Mario: How’s he always here?
Tippi: Magic.
The psycho then shoots them all with a gun! They all appear right next to the next heart pillar in Flopside.
Psycho: Crud! That was the teleporter gun!
They put the Pure Heart in the pillar, and a blue door appears on Flipside Tower. Hey, who’s the genius who put the (Not So) in the title, anyway?
Notso: Hi, Mommy!
… In Flipside, the group is now entering the door.
Chapter 6:
6-1: The Duel of 100
Or, Boy is that void big…
Mario and Co. appear in a Japanese-style world, and a guy runs past.
Guy: I YIELD!
He turns into a Yield Sign.
Bowser: It’s a sign!
*rimshot*
Tippi: Hmm. That void is pretty big in this world.
They enter the next area.
ROUND 1
Jade Blooper: I am Jade Blooper! I float in the water, appear as Paper Mario Mini-Bosses, and never touch the bottom… and I am made of jade! Hachaw!
He throws his weapon at Mario, but Mario ducks. The weapon breaks a window.
Hills with Eyes: You have broken the window of transparency!
Jade Blooper: Hmm.
Peach: How come what they say doesn’t match their mouth movements?
Bowser: Haven’t you ever seen Japanese flicks?
King Sammer: One down, ninety-nine to go!
Mario: Say whaaa?
Sammer: For the Pure Heart you must battle all 100 Sammer Guys in the Duel of 100! It is kind of like the Pit of 100 Trials, only not. NOW GO FACE NUMBER TWO!
Mario: But how exactly have we defeated Jade Blooper?
Jade Blooper: Magic.
They enter the next area.
ROUND 2
Hills with Eyes: I SEE YOU! In SMW you crashed Ludwig’s castle into my head! In Paper Mario, you ran around me for a heart on Pleasant Path! In Paper Mario 2, you hit me for a horsetail! Insert many other occasions here!
Bowser squashes him.
Bowser: You talk too much.
ROUND 3
Puffing Fist: I am Puffing Fist!
Mario: … And?
Puffing Fist: Nothing! I’ve always been the quiet type!
Mario cudges him.
ROUND 4
Flightless Bird: I am Flightless Bird! I ride on carpets around Sub-con, and a few years ago, Yoshi’s Island! I-
Mario cudges him again. In fact, it goes on like this until they reach gate 20.
Rolling Thwomp: I’m Rolling Thwomp, yo. You gonna get squished good, y’all!
He attacks with his weapon, but Peach grabs it and throws it at his head.
Rolling Thwomp: This ain’t cool! You gettin’ all up in my grill, y’all! Yo.
Bleck appears.
Bleck: Insert laugh here! Count Bleck will now have this world destroyed by that void!
Tippi: Why?
Bleck: Because Timpani was taken away from Count Bleck! So every world that still exists is one more world for her to not be in. So it must die.
Peach: … That does make sense.
Bleck: However, Count Bleck has been driven insane, so he will destroy his own world too.
Bowser: What about your minions? And mine?
Bleck: Count Bleck doesn’t know. Uh oh! Scrubs is on! Count Bleck can’t miss that!
Bleck leaves.
Bowser: Oh no! I can’t miss Scrubs! Let’s hurry!
Rolling Thwomp: Hmm. I should go tell the king about this. You continue without fighting now.
Mario and Co. (minus Fleep and Cudge): Sweet!
Ninjoes: Why haven’t we appeared?
Peach: Because.
They continue, but get halted at the 25th Gate.
Sunshine Flood: I look powerful! So I must be fought! Prepare to-
Bowser throws him into the wall, and
Mario hits the Star Block.
6-2: The End
Or, Goodbye Sammer’s Kingdom, Hello
Creepy White Place
Sammer: All right! You may get your treasure on the 26th stage.
Bowser: How’d you get here?
Sammer: Uh… Magic?
Bowser: That’ll work… for now…
They go onto the stage, and open the chest. They find a bomb!
Tippi: I could’ve sworn we were looking for the Pure Heart.
Peach: Or were we?
Mario: I dunno. Were we?
Bowser: Pretty sure we were.
Sammer: MIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMI!
Mario: Hmm. I’d recognize that laugh and purple textbox anywhere. You’re The Amazing Transforming M!
Sammer: You know me as one of my aliases. For I am …
He transforms.
Sammer?: Mimi! Mimimimimimi!
Bowser: Was that last part your laugh, or what Mimi is short for?
Mimi: Wait…
She walks over to the box and finds the bomb’s fuse is unlit.
Mimi: Stupid intern! Now you die!
Mimi summons billions of rubees, and starts up a rubee tornado around her. Suddenly, P.T. (wearing a red trenchcoat) jumps into the tornado, and flies like Superman. Meanwhile…
Rubee: Jeff, weren’t you supposed to go to work today?
Jeff (another rubee): I called in sick. *cough* I called for a substitute.
Back in Sammer’s Kingdom, Mario and Co. are jumping from rubee to rubee, trying to reach Mimi. On the way they find many things flying around in the tornado, including Grand Master Kickface (Sammer Guy #26), a witch on a bicycle, and a cow.
Tippi: How’d that stuff get here?
Mario grabs a nearby rubee, and throws it like a dart at Mimi. Peach does the same, but Bowser just uses the direct approach and breathes fire on her. She falls to the ground, as do all the rubees. And P.T. stops flying around, and takes off his red trenchcoat to reveal his original trench coat.
P.T.: Mimi, are you done? I want to go to McDonald’s already!
Mimi: …
Peach: I’m not complaining, but why didn’t you use your “true form”?
Mimi: Because!
Mario: Well now the day is saved because we beat you!
Mimi: Actually, I was just stalling you for the void to grow. Bye!
Mimi flips herself and P.T. away.
Tippi: We have to hurry to King Sammer!
Bowser: Like we’ll make it!
Tippi: Silence, nonbeliever!
They continue all the way to Gate 30.
Laughing X-Naut: HA HA! WE’RE ALL DOOMED! I’M NOT ONLY LAUGHING FOR MY NAME IS LAUGHING X-NAUT, BUT BECAUSE I’M SO TRAUMATIZED! HA!
One with Medication: Laughing X-Naut! You must take your pills! The honor of both our families is at stake!
Laughing X-Naut: HA HA HA! TOO LATE! THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END IN LITERALLY TEN SECONDS!
Mario and Co. except Fleep: Oh noes!
The Mega Shell then runs over Mario and Co, taking them with it. The Mega Shell leaves Sammer’s Kingdom just in time. On Flipside Tower, the Mega Shell slides away, and Mario and Co. get off.
Bowser: Why is the door to that world still there?
Peach: Because. Maybe we can still get the Pure Heart.
They enter the door.
Chapter 6:
6-1: The Duel- Oh wait, this already
happened.
Mario and Co. arrive in a blank, white world.
Mario: Is this all that’s left?
Tippi: Oh those poor, innocent Sammer Guys!
Bowser: Stop whining, they’re fine! See?
He points to far off; King Sammer and a random big Sammer Guy are in a hot dog-eating contest with a Mariachi Band playing music.
Other Sammer Guys: GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
Tippi: Okay then.
They keep on going, and a while later they find the Pure Heart. It’s a statue.
Mario and Co: Oh noes!
Voice: Heh heh. This place is pretty bland now, isn’t it?
Peach: Yeah.
Mr. L appears and takes the Pure Heart.
Tippi: You’re that greasy, greasy man from Outer Space! I mean greasy in a bad way. If there is a good way for being greasy.
Bowser: Now I’m hungry for fries.
Mr. L: Yes, it’s me! It’s useless now, but I guess I’ll swipe it for the Count anyway. And now I’m solo, so that idiot won’t distract me again. Come to me, Brobot L-Type!
Bowser: That’s a dumb name.
Mr. L: Why does everyone keep saying this?
Brobot L-Type appears, and Mr. L hops in.
Mr. L: Let’s-a-go! … Ugh, that sounds familiar, but I don’t know why!
Mario, Peach, and Bowser: …
BOSS: REVENGING, RAGING ROBOT: BROBOT L-TYPE
Brobot L-Type charges up a laser. But out of nowhere, the Mega Shell runs him over.
Computer Voice: Warning. The unit has received too much damage. Explosion in 3, 2, 1-
Mr. L (like Luigi): Oh no!
Brobot L-Type explodes.
Bowser: Wow, we didn’t even have to do anything!
Mr. L drops the Pure Heart from midair and lands near the group. He then runs off. Dimentio appears in front of him.
Mr. L: Hi, Dimentio. Why do those heroes keep beating me?
Dimentio: Well, the first time you got distracted. The second time, a Mega Shell ran into your robot. You probably went wrong when you decreased Brobot’s HP. Now die!
He almost kills Mr. L.
Mr. L: Not cool! Why’d you do that?
Dimentio: My secret plan!
Mr. L: Well if it’s for a secret plan, then by all means.
Dimentio kills Mr. L, who was nonchalant about the whole thing.
END OF CHAPTER(S)!
Meanwhile…
Nastasia: So, K, Mr. L died. So that just leaves me with, um, Mimi to punish. I’d punish the other new guy too, but I think he actually bought Mimi’s lie, K?
Bleck: K.
Nastasia: K, that’s my line.
P.T.: WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!
Bleck: Why is the new guy here? And Mr. L wasn’t good.
P.T.: Sometimes, I don’t think you guys even know my name. Anyway, Count, I’m here to get back to you on my idea.
Bleck: Floating Head Minion? Hmm…
O’Chunks’s head is floating down a hallway.
O’Chunks: Ey, Dimentio! Looking good. Oy, Ms. Nastasia. Lookin’ real good!
Bleck (from another room): Help! Help Count Bleck!
O’Chunks’s head goes into the meeting room to find Bleck under a boulder.
O’Chunks: Oh my. BODY! COME!
O’Chunks’s body is with Mimi at a clothes store, holding bags and boxes and stuff, when he hears his head summoning him. He drops all the stuff, and runs for Castle Bleck. He’s in the hallway with the fake doorways and runs into one, knocking himself out.
O’Chunks: D’oh!
O’Chunks then tries to remove the boulder as just a head, but fails.
Bleck: Hmm. There may be some kinks to work out. New guy-
P.T.: I have a name.
Bleck: … T.P. will go to the next world, since he hasn’t been on a solo mission yet. There, Count Bleck called T.P. by name.
P.T.: My name isn’t T.P.
Bleck: Silence! Now go to the next world!
Why is Notso not so right in the head? What will become of the guy who became a yield sign? Why don’t the regular Sammer Guys’ words match their mouths? Does Hills with Eyes really talk too much? Will P.T. remember to light the fuse? Will Jeff the rubee ever get better? Will P.T. ever go to McDonald’s? How’d the Sammer Guys survive the end of the world? Who’ll win the hot dog-eating contest? Why is Brobot L-Type so lame? What will become of Luigi/Mr. L? Why must the good die young? Will Bleck further consider Floating Head Minion? How will P.T.’s first solo mission go? Will Count Bleck ever learn P.T.’s name? Why was this chapter so different? Tune in!
Interlude:
Mario and Co. return from the World of Nothing and go to Merlon’s house.
Merlon: That was fast.
Bowser: Yeah. The Pure Heart is a statue now.
Merlon: That can’t be good.
Dimentio appears.
Dimentio: I’ll help you like a scout and an elderly lady at a busy street.
He summons three boxes, one for each hero.
Mario: Why not just be quicker and make one big box?
Dimentio: Good idea. But then you won’t be separated.
Mario: Okay.
Dimentio snaps his fingers, and the heroes explode. All that’s left is Merlon, Tippi, Fleep, and Cudge.
Merlon: Now what will I do?
Dimentio: I dunno. Bye!
He leaves. Meanwhile, Mario wakes up in a cave of some sort.
Shayde: Welcome to the Underwhere. I got a game over via Elder Shrooboid!
Another Shayde: I am Elder Shrooboid. I got a game over fighting Mario, Luigi, Baby Mario, and Baby Luigi.
Mario: I’m confused.
Elder Shrooboid explodes.
Shayde: This is the Underwhere. Basically it’s the Mario version of… you know where. If you’ve been good enough, you can go talk to Jaydes and she’ll let you go to the Overthere.
Mario: I know the rules! I meant I was confused by how the water in the fountain got orange.
Mario continues into the next room, where he finds a small thing sitting on a pipe, singing to herself until she sees Mario.
Thing: Do-bi-do… Hey! I’m waiting for my prince! I didn’t ask for a fat, ugly plumber!
Mario: Shut up.
Thing: And where’d my accent go?
Stuffwell: I haveth it, remember?
Thing: Oh yeah.
Mario: … This place is weirder than I thought.
Mario walks by the room, swims across the River Twygz, and finds a pointy person named Jaydes.
Jaydes: Hey, what’s that?
Mario: This thing? Well it was a Pure Heart.
Jaydes: That reminds me of L… Never mind.
The Overthere theme plays, until Jaydes answers her phone.
Guy on the other end: Can you hear me now?
Jaydes: Wrong person.
Guy: Not good.
She hangs up and answers again.
Another guy: Is your fridge running? Then you’d better catch it!
She hangs up and answers yet again.
Third Guy: Jaydes! You’ve won a million dol-
She hangs up.
Jaydes: … D’OH!
She gets called once more.
Grambi: Luvbi’s missing!
Jaydes: Oh noes! *hangs up* Okay. If you find my daughter, I’ll give you that stone Pure Heart I took without you looking.
Mario: You mean the thing that insulted me earlier?
Jaydes: Most likely. Here’s a key! Take it to the bottom of the River Twygz to find a green guy.
Mario: It’s probably Luigi.
Mario gets Jaydes’s key. He goes to the bottom of the River Twygz, and fails to unlock the door. He then goes back to Jaydes.
Mario: Hey, pinhead! You gave me the wrong key!
Jaydes: Oops. That’s the key to my place. Here’s the real key.
Mario takes it and tries again. He’s now in the canals beneath the River Twygz. However…
Mario: WHAT?!
… He finds that it’s another McYold’s.
Mario: You guys have a branch in the Underwhere?!
Register Person: Yes.
Mario: Tell me where Luigi is.
RP: You have to order first.
Mario: I’ll just order what I ordered in Chapter 1.
RP: Okay. Go outback.
Mario: Thanks. Send me my food via Email.
Mario continues, and is back in a cavern area with a green figure cowering behind a rock. I think we know who he is.
Luigi: Oh man! How’d I get here? How’d I somehow change out of my Mr. L clothes? And wasn't I supposed to not know about being Mr. L?
Mario: So, Luigi. You finally gave up that Mr. L thing?
Luigi: Mr. who?
Mario: …
Luigi: Wait a minute… MARIO! I haven’t seen you since Bowser’s castle!
Mario: Well technically you just saw me in the World of Nothing, but you forgot.
The Brothers then run in slow motion to hug each other, but both trip and fall. The slow motion stops, and they just decide to shake hands.
Luigi: Wait, where are we?
Mario: Oh, we’re in the Underwhere.
Luigi: WHAT?! Why must the good die young?!
Mario then explains everything from meeting Tippi to what happened just before Luigi was found.
Luigi: Wow… How did the Mega Shell keep following you guys?
Mario: I don’t know. But now we have to find this Luvbi person.
Luigi: Okay.
Meanwhile, behind a nearby rock...
P.T.: So Luigi’s not dead after all! But he’s now Luigi again. Oh well. Now to free that monster for Count Bleck!
The Brothers go back to the area where the thing (Luvbi) was, and find a trail of droppings.
Mario: … She’s moved on. And she left a trail.
Luigi: EW! And are you sure it isn’t from that Crowber over there?
Mario: Hmm? Oh… Let’s keep going, maybe we’ll find her anyway.
They use Luigi’s high jumps and Mario’s flipping to get through the cave area.
Luigi: Just like old times!
Mario: Except for the fact that I can flip… and that we’re dead.
They go into the next room and find Luvbi on another pipe.
Luvbi: Do-bi-do-bi-do!
Scooby Doo: Res?
Luvbi: I wasn’t calling you.
Scooby: Rorry.
Luigi: That may be the first time someone’s used Scooby in LL. Maybe not.
Luvbi: What do you oldies want?
Luigi: Oldies?! Die!
Mario: No! If she dies, we can’t get the Pure Heart! (to Luvbi) You gotta go back to yo mama!
Luvbi: Oh yeah? What’s my name? It’ll prove you’re my prince, and I’ll have to.
Luigi: It’s Luvbi!
Luvbi: In your face! It’s- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
Luigi: “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH”? What kind of name is that?!
Luvbi: You got it right! Fine, I’ll go…
She flies off, and the Mario Bros. follow.
Jaydes: Very well, here’s your Pure Heart.
END OF CHAP- Oh wait, it’s still the interlude. Dang, this interlude is long!
Jaydes: Oh, and Dimentio didn’t really kill you. So you can return to Flipside.
Luigi: I’d actually rather go home.
Mario: But the void is in our world, too.
Luigi: Oh.
Jaydes: GAMEOVERGAMEOVERGAMEOVERGAMEOVERGAMEOVER-
Luigi: Just get on with it!
Jaydes: Sorry. Just getting my Mojo flowing. Ahem. CONTINUE!
Mario and Luigi are warped back to Flopside. Specifically, they’re right next to the Heart Pillar.
Luigi: I could’ve sworn she said she was taking us to Flipside. Wait, how do I know the difference between Flipside and Flopside?
Mario: Who cares?
Mario puts the Pure Heart in, and a purple door appears on Flipside Tower. Tippi, Fleep, and Cudge are now suddenly with Mario and Luigi.
Mario: How’d you guys get here?
Tippi: Magic. AAH! It’s Mr. L!
Luigi: Who?
Mario: No, Luigi here seems to have no idea about Mr. L. Now let’s continue!
Luigi: Didn’t we just get a Continue?
Mario: …
Tippi: Is that a reference to Axem Leader and Lil’ Cheep Cheep?
Luigi: I don’t know.
So they go to Flipside Tower and enter the door.
Chapter 7:
7-1: The Underwhere
Or, Over There and Under Where?!
The Mario Bros. and Pixls are in the Underwhere.
Luigi: What? We were just here!
Mario: Odd.
They go to Jaydes.
Jaydes: What?! I brignt you back to Flipside-
Luigi: Flopside.
Jaydes: Flopside, and it only takes you five minutes to die?!
Mario: Actually, a magical purple door took us here so we can get the Pure Heart.
Jaydes: What?! You’re collecting them?!
Mario: Obviously you haven’t paid attention to the pattern my Paper series is following.
Jaydes: Er, fine. LUVBI!
A Nimbi who’s completely black, but with white eyes and a white mouth, with hair just like Luvbi’s approaches.
Jaydes: I said, Luvbi! Not Buvli.
Buvli: No love for the B-Dawg, Mmm!
Everyone in the Underwhere: …
Buvli leaves, and Luvbi comes.
Luvbi: Yes, Mother?
Jaydes: These… five will escort you to the Overthere.
Luvbi: Aw, I’m nine years old! I can take care of myself!
Jaydes: Silence!
Luvbi: Fine.
Tippi: (sarcastically) Oh boy, THIS will be a fun trip. By the way Mario, where are Peach and Bowser?
Mario: I don’t know.
Luigi: You teamed up with Bowser? Again?
Mario: Weren’t you paying attention when I told you what’s been happening?
Luigi: Don’t question things you cannot understand.
Jaydes tries to make a door, but fails. So she just has part of the wall destroyed, revealing a path to the Star Block. Luigi hits it.
7-2: The Doors
Or, 3 Doors, 3 Hags, 3 Chomps, 3 Heroes,
and 3 Pixls
Tippi: So, where are we?
Luvbi: Underwhere Road! We just have to get past the Dorguy Family, and we’ll be closer to the Overthere!
Luigi: Over where?
Mario: Overthere.
Luigi: Where?
Mario: No, it’s Overthere. This is the Underwhere. That’s the one with that suffix.
Luigi: Underwear?! Ew!
Everyone but Luigi: …
They continue and enter a dark room.
Luvbi: Catch me if you can!
Luigi: Don’t worry. We probably can’t.
Mario: You said it.
The Brothers jump from platform to platform and miss since it’s so dark. In fact, it’ll be easier for you if we just skip this part.
Dorguy: If you want to pass, you must
answer my questions! Who is the queen of the Underwhere?
A. Jaydes
B. J. D.’s
C. Hades
D. Minute Rice
(Note: Minute Rice joke is from Jay Resop)
Mario: A.
Dorguy: Correct! What’s my name?
A. Borguy the Sixty-Fourth
B. Gorduy the Thirteenth
C. Dorguy the First
D. Minute Rice
Luigi: According to your script, the answer is C.
Dorguy: Crud! Last one! How many times
did I say Apple?
A. 2
B. 6
C. 1
D. Minute Rice
Mario: C.
Dorguy: Oh noes!
Dorguy explodes.
Luigi: Has this been happening a lot while I was gone?
Mario: Yes.
They continue and find three D-Men guarding a door.
D-Man 1: WAZZUP!
D-Man 2 and 3 kill D-Man 1.
D-Man 2: We’ll let you pass if you stop the evil monster.
Luigi: Fine.
Luvbi: I think I’ll wait next to this door.
Mario: Coward.
They enter the door to find…
Bowser: Aw man! Why do those little thingies lock me up? Where am I? Where’s my ex? And where’s Waldo?!
Mario: There you are, Bowser! C’mon, let’s go. We’ve got another Pure Heart to find. This pointy lady saved the one from Sammer’s place.
Luigi: And I joined the party!
Bowser: Where’s Peach?
Luigi: Dunno.
Bowser: Where’s Waldo?
Mario: Right here, see?
Mario pulls out a Where’s Waldo book and points Waldo out to Bowser.
Bowser: Rar! You found Waldo first! Die-
Luigi punches him in the face, knocking him out. Bowser then wakes up.
Bowser: What happened?
Luigi: Uh, you found Waldo! Now you have to go find Peach and then the Pure Heart of this world!
Mario: And we’ll help. Aren’t you lucky?
Bowser: Okay! So I see Luigi’s done being Mr. L.
Luigi: Seriously, who is this Mr. L everyone is talking about?
At that moment, all the Pixls that have died appear.
Pixl Ghosts: Die!
Mario: Stupid comeuppance.
The Mega Shell then runs into all of them, and they forgot to become intangible. They then leave the room.
D-Man 3: You actually tamed the beast! You may pass.
Luvbi: Who’s that? And why does he reek?
Luigi: Bowser.
Mario: And because he stinks at fighting.
A nearby D-Man does a rimshot. They unlock the door, and enter another dark room.
Mario: Bowser, light the torches.
Bowser: Why?
Luigi: Because we can beat you up any day at any time!
Bowser: Stupid logic.
Bowser lights a torch and they see how ridiculously high they have to go.
Luvbi: Wow…
Tippi: Yeah…
Cudge: COOKIES!
Fleep: SOCIOKE!
Tippi: He said, “COOKIES”.
Mario wall jumps all the way to the top, Luigi does a High Jump, and Bowser unhappily hops all the way up, platform to platform. At the top…
Mario: How’d you get here before us?!
Tippi: We can fly.
Bowser: Ha ha!
Mario: Why are you laughing? You had to do the most work!
Bowser: Well remember how I didn’t have Geico in the beginning? Well now I do! It’s so easy, a caveman can do it!
Luigi: Good, because you’re as dumb as one.
Bowser: Say whaa?
Then the characters in all the E-surance commercials come and beat up Bowser for using Geico. Then the guy from the Allstate commercials comes and punches Bowser in the face., and leaves with the other people.
Luvbi: How’d they get here?
Dorguy (II): Quick! How many squares
are there?
A. 2
B. 4
C. 6
D. Minute Rice
Mario: How can we answer? There’s no visual aid!
Bowser: C!
Dorguy: Correct!
Mario: Wow.
Dorguy: Which shape moved the fastest?
A. Circle
B. Square
C. Triangle
D. Minute Rice
Bowser: C!
Dorguy: Ding! How many red shapes are
there?
A. 64
B. 128
C. 256
D. Minute Rice
Bowser: C!
Luigi: Dang, man!
Dorguy: Correct! Nex-
Mario punches a hole through Dorguy.
Dorguy: Fine, you can pass!
He opens and everyone but Mario walks through. Mario’s about to, when Dorguy closes.
Dorguy: Oops, sorry. Let me try again.
Mario’s about to enter again, when Dorguy closes.
Dorguy: Ooh! Too slow! Try-
Mario punches another hole in Dorguy.
Dorguy: Fine, you can pass!
In another room, Luvbi flies over to the door.
Luvbi: I’ll wait here.
Luigi: Lazy, good-for-nothing Nimbi…
Luvbi: I heard that!
Luigi: Crud.
Luvbi “jumps” on Luigi a lot while Mario and Bowser enter the pink door.
Hagra: Quick! Get my diet book from the D-Man at the beginning!
Mario: Why?
Hagra: Because I have the key!
She warps Mario and Bowser to the beginning, right next to the D-Man.
Bowser: Give us the book!
D-Man: Okay.
Bowser: …
Mario: That’s it? You’re not even going to put up a fight? A tussle?
D-Man: Nope.
For his lameness, Bowser kills the D-Man and takes the book. After hours of miserably going through Underwhere Road, they come back to the area where Luigi and Luvbi are.
Luvbi: What? Didn’t you just go into the pink door over there?
Bowser: What about a pink door in the Overthere?
Luvbi: …
Luigi: Please stop –ow- jumping on me –ow. It makes me cry –ow.
Tippi: But you’re not crying.
Luigi: Silence –ow- nonbeliever!
Mario and Bowser enter the door and give Hagra the book.
Hagra: Finally!
Hagitha: I have a similar quest that’s optional!
Hagnes: I’m pointless!
Bowser kills both other hags, leaving Hagra. They then unlock the door, and Luvbi stops picking on Luigi. In the next room, Bowser lights the torch to find the most challenging room yet. Luigi faints.
Luvbi: Well, there’s always the shortcut.
Mario: What shortcut?
Luvbi flies over to a pipe.
Mario: Oh.
After waking up Luigi, they all go into the pipe and come out next to the door.
Dorguy (III): This calls for some… UNDERCHOMP!
Luigi: That was a stupid way to summon him.
The Underchomp appears.
Dorguy: Who’ll fight him?
Mario: I’ll do it.
RPG BATTLE:
Mario: 40/40
Vs.
Underchomp: 30/30
Mario uses Cudge. 8 damage!
Underchomp uses Elemental Breaths.
4 damage!
Mario: 36/40
Vs.
Underchomp: 22/30
Mario switches with Bowser.
Bowser: Stomping time!
Bowser uses Fire Breath. 8 damage!
Red Underchomp faints.
Underchomp uses Bite. 2 damage.
Bowser: 34/40
Vs.
Underchomp: 14/30
BATTLE OVER!
Bowser: What happened?
Dorguy: I got lazy. You can pass.
Luigi: Hooray for laziness!
They pass and hit the Star Block.
7-3: The Apples
Or, An Apple a Day Will Keep the Princess’
Consciousness Away
Luvbi: Okay, we’re now on the Overthere Stair.
Luigi: The Over who stare?
Luvbi: … Loser. Well, I’m off to very far ahead. See ya!
She flies off.
Luigi: She always ditches us once it’s time to do stuff!
So they climb up some stairs and fall. Fall like the wind. They fall so much, that they actually somehow land on the cloud where Peach is, even though she’s higher up.
Mario: She’s asleep. PEACH! WAKE UP!
Luigi: Princess! Look, it’s Orlando Bloom! … Wow, that usually works.
Bowser: WAKE UP!
Luvbi: She ate the Golden Apple, so now she’ll be asleep for a stupid long amount of time. Around a thousand years or so.
Bowser: Hey, I’m a patient Koopa, but I’m not that patient!
Luigi: What are you talking about? Remember a few weeks ago?
Flashback!
Bowser puts waffles in his toaster. He leaves and comes back 4 seconds later.
Bowser: COME ON! FINISH ALREADY!
He picks up and shakes the toaster.
Bowser: Leggo my Eggos!
He’s about to reach into the toaster, when the flashback ends.
Flashback over!
Mario: So remember, kids. Never put your hand in the toaster.
Luvbi: What kids? I’m the only kid here!
Bowser: How do we wake Peach up?
Luvbi: Well, you can make her eat another apple. But I’m sulking right now, so leave me alone!
Luigi: (mocking Luvbi) Wi’m wulking wight wow woh weeve me awone!
Luvbi (“offscreen”) drops a pebble on Luigi’s head.
Luigi: NOT AGAIN!
Mario: Hold on, I’ll be right back.
Mario leaves, and just as soon as he’s gone, he walks up to Luigi, but from the other side.
Mario: Sorry I took so long.
Luigi: WAH! Oh, it’s you, Mario.
Bowser: Give me that apple.
Bowser gives Peach the Yellow Apple, and she grows a mustache.
Bowser: Hey, this isn’t an apple! It’s a Western Whopper!
Mario: Now that’s what I call Peach Fuzz.
Bowser feeds her the Red Apple, and she grows large. He then feeds her the blue one, shrinking her. But since she was large, she shrinks back down to her normal size. Bowser then feeds her the pink apple, turning her into a Peachy Peach… with a mustache.
Luigi: How are we going to feed her this last apple?
Mario takes it, and throws it at Peach and she wakes up. But she’s still a Peachy Peach with a mustache.
Peach: AAAH!
Peach turns completely back to normal.
Peach: Oh. Never mind. What? Luigi, why are you here? Are you finally done being Mr. L?
Luigi: Who the Underwhere is this Mr. L person already?!
Peach shows him a picture.
Luigi: Wow, he looks a lot like me.
Mario, Bowser, and Peach smack their foreheads. The Pixls give facial expressions to imply that they did so too, since they have no hands.
Tippi: Why haven’t I had any lines? Oh, never mind.
Luvbi: Are you done? Now let’s continue, Princess of Silly Peaches!
Peach: How’d you know about my secret kingdom? Uh, I mean, how rude!
They then continue with the same amount of misery and falling as before. However, they land on Gourmet Guy, and bounce back up due to his fatness. They bounce all the way up through 2 apple trees, and up to Cyrrus.
Cyrrus: GIMME AN APPLE, MORTALS!
Bowser pulls out an apple that’s stuck in his nose.
Everyone Else: …
Cyrrus eats it and grows to immense proportions.
Tippi: Uh, maybe we should send someone to test it.
Luigi: I’ll go!
Luigi jumps and goes really high. He goes so high up, his head is now sticking out of the floor in Howzit’s shop in 4-3.
Howzit: Hey! You’re that not goooooooooooooooood Mr. L guy from the Whoa Zone up ahead! Die!
Luigi: Who’s Mr. L already?!
Howzit hits him with a broom, and knocks Luigi down to 7-3.
Mario: Too high for my blood.
Bowser pulls a Blue Apple out of his other nostril and feeds it to Cyrrus.
Everyone Else: Ew.
Cyrrus shrinks to a regular size, and the other heroes land on Luigi.
Luigi: Ow.
They all then head over to the Star
Block and hit it.
7-4: The Overthere
Or, A Bonechill-Ing Adventure
Luvbi: Here we are! The Overthere!
Peach: Where’d you suddenly come from?
Luvbi: Don’t question things you cannot understand, Princess of Silly Mushrooms!
Peach: How’d you know about my non-secret kingdom? Uh, I mean, how rude!
Mario and Co, including Luvbi, continue and find two Skellobits and a Nimbi… playing Checkers.
Nimbi: Ha! I win!
Skellobit 1: D’oh!
Skellobit 2: My turn! My turn!
Mario: Moving on…
They reach the Overvator.
Nimbi Couple: Sorry, but we’re taking the day off from running the Overvator.
Peach: Why?
Nimbi Couple: We’re getting a divorce!
Others: …
Unused Ladder Pixl: Here I am to save the day!
He forms into a ladder… and Bowser hammers his “feet” and “hands” to where they are, so he’ll stay that way.
ULP: Curses!
Piccolo and Dashell: We’re optional! Die!
Bowser eats the Pixls… Now Bowser is faster and everything he says is in song.
Bowser: Lalala! Let us go! Let’s go find the. Pure Heart.
Everyone else: …
They climb the ladder and reach an area with frozen Nimbis. Bowser breathes fire to free them.
Whibbi: This crazy guy in a trenchcoat came to the Overthere with all these Skellobits! Grambi’s in danger, so you’ll need orbs from Rebbi, Blubi, and Yebbi!
Bowser: And. If. We. Doooooooooooooooooooooooooooon’t.
Whibbi: I’ll kill you.
Mario and Co, minus Luvbi: 0_0
Luvbi: He does that.
Mario and Co. look for Rebbi, and soon find a red Nimbi flying by.
Rebbi: Attack the Skellobits!
Luigi grabs one Skellobit’s spear and breaks it on his knee.
Skellobit: WAAAAAAAAH!
Peach uses her parasol to push the Skellobit into the others, and over the edge.
Rebbi: Fine, here’s your red orb.
Luvbi: Happies!
The group go and Luigi puts the orb in the thing. They then go to another area and find Blubi encased in ice.
Luvbi: Oh no, he’s been frozen!
Blubi: (Don’t worry about me, I’m just chillin’.)
Bowser breathes fire on him, freeing him.
Bowser: Laaaaaaaaaaaaa! Give us the Blue Orb so everything can go back to norm…al…
Blubi: You stink at rhyming.
He gives them the orb, and they put it in the thing again. Soon, they find an outhouse, or the Overpotty.
Luigi: That’s a funny name.
Yebbi (inside): Who’s there?
Mario: A plumber, his brother, a princess, an evil Koopa king, three Pixls, and a Nimbi.
Yebbi: You liar!
Mario: Two plus two is four!
Yebbi: You liar!
Bowser grabs the door and throws it over the edge.
Tippi: Give us the orb or die!
Yebbi: … Here!
He gives it to them and flies away. Back at the thing, the rainbow bridge is formed.
Luigi: Wait, where’s Bowser?
Bowser walks up.
Bowser: And the deed is done.
Peach: Why are you slower and not singing?
Bowser: I got those Pixls out of my system, if you know what I mean.
After crossing the bridge, they are confronted with a Skellobit army.
Spiky Skellobit: How’d you get over here?
Luvbi: We rebuilt the bridge, smart one.
Spiky Skellobit: Oh.
Rebbi: Fear not! For I’ll help you! And I have the army with me!
Mario: … I don’t see them.
Rebbi: They’re with me in spirit.
Mario and Co. with Luvbi: TAKE THE USELESS ONE!
They throw Rebbi at the Skellobits, and the others run by while the enemies are distracted. Inside Grambi’s Palace…
Luvbi: DAD!
Grambi: Go away! The crazy guy that brought the Skellobits is in here with the strongest!
Voice: The crazy guy? First I’m “the new guy”, then I’m “T.P.”, now I’m “the crazy guy”! Don’t I ever get a name?!
Another voice: Can I make my appearance now?!
First voice: Yeah, sure whatever.
The scene shifts over to Bonechill, and P.T. is standing on his head.
Mario: You?
P.T.: Oh yeah, the guy with the top hat wanted me to free this dragon and his minions to get the Pure Heart.
Bonechill: And I thank you for bringing it to me!
Mario: … Say whaa?
Bowser (after ringing a tiny gong): That’s now the third time the author has made someone say that.
Bonechill: You see, Grambi and Jaydes were given the Pure Heart, but wanted to keep it from people like me. So they turned it into a Nimbi… that they called Love-me!
Luvbi: Luvbi.
Bonechill: That he called Luvbi!
P.T.: Yeah! I bet you never saw that coming! (whispering to Bonechill) Fo’ rizzle?
Bonechill: Yes.
Luvbi: I’M A PURE HEART?! AND MY PARENTS NEVER TOLD ME?!
Tippi: Luvbi, we can talk later. Right now we have to go!
Luvbi: Oh yeah! Leave the plot twist hanging! Way to go!
Tippi: … Just go.
Luvbi and Grambi leave.
BOSS: DEVIOUS, DEADLY DUO: P.T. AND BONECHILL
P.T.: Yes! First billing!
Luigi: It’s my first boss fight! I want to do it!
Peach: Knock yourself out…
Bonechill then breathes ice on the ceiling.
P.T.: Why not just aim for them?
Bonechill: Eh, I don’t feel like it.
Luigi High Jumps, uppercutting Bonechill and causing P.T. to hit the ceiling, then fly down onto Bonechill’s head, breaking it. Bonechill then disassembles, and P.T. falls to the ground. Luvbi and Grambi come back.
Grambi: That was fast.
Then, Jaydes comes in.
Luvbi: Mom, am I really a Pure Heart?
Jaydes: Uh, er, oh, you see… Yes.
Luvbi: 0_0
Jaydes: Yes, we transformed the Pure Heart into you, and you became a Nimbi, but I wanted you to be a whatever I am, so we did a coin flip.
Luvbi almost becomes a Pure Heart.
P.T.: That was weird.
Mario: You’re still awake?
P.T.: Yes. I mean, no.
Mario and Co: …
Grambi: I guess you should become the Pure Heart and go with her.
Luvbi: So he really is my prince?
Bowser: Which one? Mario, Luigi, or me?
Luvbi: Fine… But before I go, I want to know… If my game as a nimbi was bound to be shorter than others, then why couldn’t I do whatever I wanted to do?
Grambi: Because you’re a Power Object! We can’t just let one go around, doing whatever!
Luvbi: Well I wasn’t in The Quest, though!
P.T.: In my defense, I didn’t know at the ti-
Luigi: You’re not part of this conversation.
Luvbi: With such a short game, all I got was a nagging mom and angry dad!
Grambi: Too bad for you! If life’s so terrible, why not just change forms already?
Luvbi: Maybe I will!
Grambi: Well maybe you will!
Mario: Do they always do this?
Jaydes: Actually, yes.
Luvbi: I hate you both!
Jayde: Woah, now.
Grambi: How do I know that’s not a lie?! Like when you made me give you money for that toy truck that the random Floro-Sapien bought from me after I took it?
Mario: I have that truck!
Luvbi: Oh, and how do I know all the times you said you loved me wasn’t a lie, like how you lied that I was a naturally born Nimbi?!
P.T.: She’s got you there.
Grambi: Not helping.
Jaydes: Will you both please stop acting like babies? Luvbi, we’re sorry. Okay?
Luvbi: … I guess I forgive you.
Jaydes: See, Grams? Things are easier when you aren’t so quick to yell.
Grambi: …
Luvbi: I… I love you both…
She turns into a Pure Heart.
Mario: … I’ve heard of kids going through puberty, but this is ridiculous.
Luigi: Yeah, there’s something different about her, but I can’t place my finger on it.
Bowser: But now you can say whatever you want to her!
Luigi then gets thoughts of revenge.
Peach: Luigi, no!
Luigi: Aw.
P.T.: Aw, this is kind of sad. Oh well, time to go report my failure.
P.T. walks out of the building and Luigi grabs the Artist formerly known as Luvbi. I mean the Pure Heart formerly known as Luvbi.
END OF CHAPTER(S)!
Peach: Has anyone noticed these last few minutes had less humor than normal?
Oh noes! To make up for that, here’s
a link to a Calvin and Hobbes collage I found on Google’s Image search:
http://www.1freewallpaper.com/Cartoon-pictures/Calvin-Hobbes-pictures.jpg
Meanwhile…
Nastasia: K, so the heroes got every single Pure Heart and are on their way to, um, stop us, K?
Bleck: Not K! Count Bleck and Co. must deal with them!
O’Chunks: Don’t worry, Count! Ell throw ‘em a chunkin’ party they’ll ne’er ferget.
Mimi: Mimimimimimi-
Dimentio: You seriously need to stop that.
Mimi: …Mi… I want to party too!
Dimentio: … Well, I’m not one to miss a party…
P.T.: I’ll order the pizza!
Everyone Else: …
O’Chunks, Mimi, and P.T. leave.
Dimentio: Bleck, does the name Blumiere mean anything to you?
Bleck: That’s Count Bleck’s old- Count Bleck means no.
Dimentio: Liar.
Dimentio leaves.
Nastasia: You know, uh, there’s still time to stop this.
Bleck: Too bad. Now to magically make more platforms appear in here.
This adventure is almost over! Why is the water in the Underwhere’s fountain orange? Why does McYold’s have a branch in the Underwhere? Will Luigi learn that he’s Mr. L? Who’s Buvli? Will Bowser learn that Mario and Luigi found Waldo first? Why’d the Mega Shell only appear once? How did Bowser know the answers to Dorguy the Second’s answers? Why is Dorguy the Third lazy? What’ll become of the Underchomp? Will Bowser learn patience? How’d Mario mistake a Western Whopper for a yellow apple? How does Luvbi know about Peach’s secret kingdom of silly peaches? Why does Peach keep it a secret? Why were the Nimbis and Skellobits playing checkers? What’ll become of the beta Pixl? What’s up with Yebbi? Will P.T. ever be called P.T.? Why do Luvbi and Grambi have such childish arguments? Will Luigi ever get his revenge on Luvbi? Will her sacrifice be in vein? Will Dimentio’s plan come into effect? What kind of pizzas will P.T. order? Will Count Bleck go back on his plan? And is Count Bleck the Blumiere we’ve heard of? Oh yes!