Prologue: Invasion of the Technoids
Mario is at Vista Hill. He walks down the hill. He starts to walk forward to the bridge to Bowser's Keep, when suddenly Wario rides in on his motorcycle (he is dressed in his plumber outfit, though) and crashes into Mario, knocking him down. Wario gets off of the motorcycle. Mario suddenly springs up.
Mario: What-a did you do-a that for? That was-a so mean-a! I-a will punish you-a for that-a!
************** RPG Battle **************
Mario's HP: 20
Vs.
Wario's HP: 30
Mario uses Punch.
2 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 28
Wario uses Punch.
5 damage to Mario.
Mario: WHAT-A!
How-a does he do-a 5 damage, when-a I only do-a 2?!
Because, while
still as fat as a hippo, he has a lot of muscle.
Mario's HP: 15
Mario uses Jump.
10 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 18
Wario uses Body
Slam. 15 damage to Mario.
Mario's HP: 0
Mario faints.
************** RPG Battle **************
Wario: Hah! That will teach you to mess with me!
Mario is on the ground, with blood gushing out of him. Wario walks over to the almost-dead body, and pushes it off the hill. It free-falls for 10 seconds, then hits a super sharp rock.
Super Sharp Rock: Oh yeah!
A crunch is heard.
Crushed Bug: Why did you step on me? Now my exo-skeleton is broken!
Wario: Sorry- Wait... No I'm not. Hmm... Mario must be here to rescue Princess Toadstool. If I rescue her and give her back, I'll get lots of coins as a reward! I'll go rescue Princess Toadstool!
How Wario got so smart, we'll never know. Anyways, Wario walks across the bridge to Bowser's Keep. He enters the Keep. He is sighted by 2 Terrapins guarding the door.
Terrapin #1: An intruder!
Terrapin #2: He matches the description of Mario, albeit a bit fatter.
Terrapin #1: He MUST be Mario! If we capture him and bring him to Lord Bowser, he might promote us!
Terrapin #2: And on the first day of the job!
Wario: Couldn't Bowser only promote one of you?
Both Terrapins: He's right!
Terrapin #1: What are you doing here, Both Terrapins?
Terrapin #2: Yeah! I thought you took vacation!
Both Terrapins: Well, it turned out I have two days vacation, not two weeks, so I had to cancel the trip. Anyways, Lord Bowser can only promote one of you, so you'd have to decide among you two who gets the promotion.
Both Terrapins leaves. Terrapin #1 and Terrapin #2 start fighting each other.
Terrapin #1: I should get the promotion! I got this job one second before you!
Terrapin #2: Yeah, but I've lived at this Keep longer than you. I know it better.
Terrapin #1: And one minute matters?
Terrapin #2: And one second does?
Terrapin #1: Yes.
Terrapin #2: I will battle you for the promotion.
Terrapin #1: Yes, that is a good idea!
************* RPG Battle *************
Since this battle is not important, it will be skipped over.
************* RPG Battle *************
While the 2 Terrapins are fighting RPG-style, Wario walks to the end of the hall and enters the red door.
Terrapin #1: Hey! You let Mario get away!
Terrapin #2: No! You did!
Terrapin #1: It doesn't matter who did. Bowser will kill both of us.
Terrapin #2: No he won't! He'll feed us to the Underbite! That is a fate worse than death!
Both of the Terrapins realize they have to do something before they are fed to the Underbite, so they commit double suicide. Now back to Wario.
Wario is in a room filled with lava. There is a stone bridge leading to the other side, with a wood and rope bridge on the last part. Wario walks forward when suddenly... not quite yet... almost... nearly there... a Goomba hops out of the lava. It is all bones with fire eternally flaming around his skull (or body, since his head and body are one thing, just like Spongebob Squarepants!).
Genius Terrapin: How is that possible? Fire can't burn around something forever. It has to stop sometime. According to-
Silence! You will die, non-believer!
Genius Terrapin is struck by a lightning bolt. He perrishes instantly.
Wario: Okay...
Anyways, a Goomba hops out of the lava, all bones, fire eternally surrounding the skull.
Lava Dry Goomba: I will feast on your soul... Your body will stay here... forever...
************** RPG Battle **************
Wario's HP: 18
Vs.
Lava Dry Goomba:
20
Wario uses Punch.
3 damage to Lava Dry Goomba.
Lava Dry Goomba's
HP: 17
Lava Dry Goomba
uses Flaming Tackle. 3 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 15
Wario uses Negate. Gets rid of Lava Dry Goomba's defence.
Lava Dry Goomba
loses a turn because I say so.
Lava Dry Goomba:
Hey!
Deal with it.
Wario's HP (Is
this really neccessary?): 15
Wario uses Body
Slam. 15 damage to Lava Dry Goomba.
Lava Dry Goomba's
HP: 2
Lava Dry Goomba
uses Flare. 1 damage to my annoyance. 5 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 10
Wario uses Punch.
3 damage to Lava Dry Goomba.
Lava Dry Goomba's
HP: 0
Lava Dry Goomba
faints.
************** RPG Battle **************
Wario: That was easy.
Wario walks forward. He crosses the wood and rope bridge and as soon as he gets to the other side of it, it collapses.
Wario: That is strangely coincidental.
When did Wario get so smart?!
Wario: Ebay.
You weren't supposed to answer that. Now what will I use to stretch this out?
Wario: Ads? Subtitles? Lousy catchphrases that are said over and over?
I'll think of something. Anyways-
Wario: You already have one!
What?
Wario: A lousy catchphrase said over and over. The word "anyways". You say it after everything!
That is not true. Anyways, the bridge collapses and Wario goes through another red door. Wario is in a long rectangular room. It is made of white-greyish stone (like everything else). Wario walks forward to a larger part of the room. There is a statue of Bowser at the end.
???: Bwa ha ha ha ha! So you made it through the guards, Mario! Well, you will not make it any further! You will lose, Mario! My greatest minion! Destroy Mario!
Suddenly the Bowser statue moves to the left, and there is a hole (bigger than the statue)-
Spirit of Genius Terrapin: That is not possible-
Shut up or I will shred your spirit.
Spirit of Genius Terrapin: Fine.
Spirit of Genius Terrapin disappears. (When did it appear?)
Anyways, there is a hole where the statue is. Suddenly a thing appears out of it. It is impossible to know what it is, as it is covered by a mass of shadows. This black, shadowy thing moves toward Wario. You know wthat that means (or not).
************** RPG Battle **************
Wario's HP: 10
Vs.
Black Shadow
Thing's HP: 50
Wario uses Punch.
No damage to Black Shadow Thing.
Black Shadow
Thing's HP: Still 50.
Black Shadow Thing
uses Hit. 5 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 5
Wario eats a Mushroom.
Heals Wario by 30.
Wario's HP: 35
Black Shadow Thing
uses Smash. 10 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 24
Wario uses Negate. Gets rid of the Black Shadow!
************** RPG Battle **************
After Wario uses Negate, the Black Shadow disappears. The thing turns out to be... well, we still don't know what it is. It looks like a Dry Bones, except it has larger jaws, with red glowing eyes and black shadow surrounding it like flames would.
???: Gah! Mario got rid of Underbite's shadow. Oops! Hmm... Wait a minute. IS that Mario? It MUST be! Grr... I've got to find my contacts.
Ah HAH! So the thing's name is Underbite. The Underbite those Terrapins talked about. It looks at you.
Underbite: Kill... Eat... Destroy... Follow Lord Bowser's orders... Get... rid... OF MARIO!!!
************* RPG Battle *************
Wario's HP: 40
Vs- Wait... How
did Wario get fully healed, and 10 extra HP?
Wario: 1 word. Deleted scenes.
Okay... Anyways...
Wario's HP: 40
Vs.
Underbite's HP:
50
Wario uses Super
Punch! 10 damage to Underbite.
Underbite's HP:
40
Underbite uses
Underbite!
Fans: Not funny!
5 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 35
Wario uses Body
Smash. 30 damage to Underbite.
Underbite's HP:
10
Underbite uses
Upperbite,
Fans: Still not
funny.
10 damage to
Wario.
Wario's HP: 25
Wario uses Super
Punch! 10 damage to Underbite.
Underbite's HP:
0
Underbite faints.
************** RPG Battle **************
???: Grrr... Why does Mario always beat me?! I became invincible once, and he beat me then! How does Mario ALWAYS beat me?!
Wario: Hey! I'm not Mario!
Wario jumps up to the chandelier adjacent to the one the speaker is on.
Bowser (it's obviously him): You are Mario! You look just like him! By the way, have you seen my contacts?
Wario: I'm not Mario! To prove it, here are your contacts.
When did Wario get so generous?! It MUST be someone disguised as Wario.
Wario: Nope. Still me.
So... Wario tosses the contacts over to Bowser. Bowser puts them in his eyes.
Bowser: That's better! Now I can see! Hey... You AREN'T Mario! Who are you?!
Wario: Ugh... Finally! I am Wario. I beat Mario. And now I am taking Princess Toadstool!
Bowser: Ok, you can... Wait. No you can't! You will have to beat me!
************** RPG Battle (Don't worry. there won't be this many in future parts) **************
Wario's HP: 25
Vs.
Bowser's HP:
1
Bowser: HEY! Why do I have only 1 HP?
You got beaten up by a Goombaling (baby Goomba) again. Remember?
Bowser: Oh yeah.
Wario uses Punch!
Unfortunately, it hits Bowser's spikes, doing no damage to Bowser, and
3 to Wario.
Wario's HP: 22
Bowser uses Mushroom.
Heals Bowser by 30.
Bowser's HP:
30
Wario uses Body
Slam on Bowser. Hits Bowser spikes. 0 damage to Bowser, 5 to Wario.
Wario's HP: 17
Bowser: Gwa ha
ha ha! You will never beat me!
Bowser punches
his arms into the air, but one of them hits the Kinklink. The Kinklink
shakes a bit and releases the chandelier. The chandelier drops.
Bowser: Nooooo!
(I won't let him get away with this!)
Bowser throws some hammers up at the chandelier. They hit the Kinklink. The Kinklink shakes violently but does not let go. And then it lets go. The chandelier drops down.
Bowser: (Why am I always beaten?!) *sob, sob*
Wario: Baby.
Bowser: Huh? Uh... (I can't let anyone see me like this, even a fat guy!) Uh... Hah ha, Wario! You will be crushed!
The chandeliers are about to hit the bottom, when Wario jumps on Bowser and uses him as a cushion for the impact. Wario is not injured. Bowser, however...
Bowser: Ah, crud.
Bowser shudders a bit, then lies still. He is dead.
Wario: Take that, smell king! Wario is the man! Uh huh, uh huh, Wario is the man! Wario is the man! Wario is-
Bowser's Spirit: Shut up! If I have to stay here a year and a day before I can move, I DON'T want to listen to you, even for a second! So... SHUT UP!!!
Princess Toadstool is in the air, tied to a rope hanging down from the top of the tower.
Toadstool: Thank you for saving me, Mar- Hey wait... You aren't Mario! You're some fat, greasy-looking guy!
Wario: If you don't shut up I'll leave you here.
Toadstool: Fine! I'd rather stay here! I was having a lovely time with Bowser, anyway... before you showed up!
Wario: Oh, no! How am I supposed to get my reward if I leave you here? No way, sister!
Wario repeatedly slams into the the wall, causing the tower to shake. Princess Toadstool is about to come loose, when suddenly... wait... wait for it... a giant sword crashes down through the tower! Princess Toadstool is skewered!
Toadstool: *shudder*
Princess Toadstool dies.
Wario, on the other hand, is missed by an inch!
An Inch: I can't believed I missed him!
Also, the sword did not hit Wario, but sent him flying into the air, out of the Keep! He gets shot toward Mario's house, the Pipe House! Wario ends up falling, and hitting a sharp rock.
Sharp Rock: Why can't I be sharper like Super Sharp Rock?
Unfortunately, Wario survives.
Unfortunately: Why are you telling me?
Wario gets up. He looks fine, except for being a bit dizzy.
Wario: I feel a bit dizzy, but other than that, I'm fine. What happened?! That was weird! I'd better go check it out to continue this boring and useless story that will no doubt continue into an adventure that I will tell you about now-
NEVER!
Another lightning bolt comes down from the sky and strikes Wario. He is fine, but a little smokey.
Wario: Huh? Hmm... What was I going to say? Gah! I can't remember! Oh well, I might as well go over to Bowser's Keep for no reason at all.
Wario goes to the top of Vista Hill. He sees a sword stuck into Bowser's Keep, but it is not a normal one. It is a technological sword, and it looks sort of like Exor. The blade is a light blue, with dark blue, computer-like lines running through it. The hilt and the handle is a bunch of metal parts, gears, cogs, etc. The top part, where a jewel or some sort of ornament would be, is a spherical-shaped device with eyes. It is light blue, and dark blue. It has two yellow thunderbolts sticking out of the "head" like horns. Where the big eyes would be if it was Exor, are eyes that are rhombus shaped. They are light blue in color, with violet irises and dark blue pupils. Its mouth is pretty much the same as Exor's, but it is more square-shaped. Wario walks down Vista Hill. He walks across the bridge to the red door. The sword speaks.
Sword: Cybor wonders who you are. Cybor wants to know who you are. Cybor also wants to know why you are here.
Wario: I am Wario! I am here for some reason. I don't know why, though.
Cybor: It does not matter to Cybor. Cybor will stop you. Cybor will not let you into the new lair of the Technoid Gang. Cybor's master, Cyber Smithy, forbids it. Now, Cyber says... BEGONE WITH YOU!!!
Cybor's mouuh moves up and down rapidly. The bridge starts to shake, and collapses! Wario runs back to the hill in time. The pieces of the collapsed bridge land on the body or Mario.
Wario goes back to the Pipe House. Toad smashes in the door.
Toad: Mario! Where is Princess Toadstool! Hey... You're not Mario! Where is Mario, tubby?
Wario throttles Toad for calling him tubby. Toad's partner walks in.
Toad: Hey... What is going on?!
He sees Toad's body on the floor, lifeless, and the malicious look in Wario's eyes.
Toad: Uh... Uh... Where is Toadstool?
Wario: Toadstool? Oh, she was killed by that giant sword in Bowser's Keep.
Toad: Oh... Well, I must inform the Chancellor of this. Can... can... you help me get to him?
Wario: No.
Toad: But if you do... you... can get a... uh... uh... reward. Yeah! You'll get a treasure, or maybe some coins, or something.
Wario: Fine. I'll help you get to the Chancellor.
Toad: Ok. Let's go. We must go through Mushroom Way.
Toad walks offscreen to another place. He suddenly runs back, looking frightened.
Toad: Ah! I forgot! There are monsters on Mushroom Way! Uh... uh... What is your name?
Wario: Look at the name in my speech box.
Toad: W-A-R-I-O. Wario, do you know how to use Action Commands?
Wario: No. I don't know how to use Action Commands. Please teach me how to.
Toad: Ok, here's how-
Wario: I was being sarcastic.
Toad: Oh. Hey Goomba Hoard, this guy knows Action Commands. Stay away, or he'll pound you to pieces!
The Goomba Hoard runs away.
Toad: Ok, let's go!
Toad runs ahead into Mushroom Way. Wario exits Mario's Pad. He is on the World Map. Wario goes over to the Mushroom Way circle. He enters Mushroom Way.
Wario: This is Mushroom Way. Hmm...
Wario walks forward. He sees a Goomba.
Goomba: Ah!!! Big scary man! He scary! Me run away into safety!
The Goomba runs away, and lands in a pit of needles covered in ice. Wario walks a bit further. He sees a Sky Troopa.
Sky Troopa: Hmm... Some fat guy. If I thrashed him, I would be mondo coolio. Prepare to be smashed, fat dude!
************** RPG Battle **************
Wario's HP: 40
How-
Wario deleted
scenes.
Vs.
Sky Troopa's
HP: 10
Wario uses Punch.
1 damage to Sky Troopa.
Sky Troopa's
HP: 9
Sky Troopa uses
Shell Slam. 2 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 38
Wario uses Super
Punch. 5 damage to Sky Troopa.
Sky Troopa's
HP: 4
Sky Troopa uses
Shell Slam. 2 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 36
Wario uses Super
Punch. 5 damage to Sky Troopa.
Sky Troopa's
HP: 0
Sky Troopa faints.
************** RPG Battle **************
Sky Troopa: Coolio... You thrashed me... I crown you cool dude king... Coo-li-o...
The Sky Troopa is dead. Wario walks a bit further. Toad is being beaten up by a Goomba.
Toad: Wario! Help me!
Wario: Nah. I'm not wasting time on you.
Wario walks off.
Toad: Wario! Nooooooooo!
Toad is beaten to a pulp. In the next part of Mushroom Way, there are several unclimbable hills. On one, there is a treasure chest, on another, a flower, and on the last one, nothing. There is a spinning flower. It is used to get to the top of the hills, by shooting you in the direction you're facing. Wario goes over to the spinning flower.
Spin Flower: Jump on me to... Wait... You're too big... You'd crush me... Don't jump on me!
Wario jumps on the Spin Flower anyways, crushing it.
Wario: Now how will I get the chest and flower? I know! Hey flower, come down, or I'll beat you up!
Flower: Coming down, sir.
The flower jumps down.
Flower: I can be used to increase your power, sir. You must eat me, though.
Wario: You look delicious!
Wario eats the flower. Sparkles surround Wario, then disappear.
Wario: That was strange.
Wario walks on to the next area. He is hit on the head with a Spikey.
Wario: Who threw that?!
A Lakitu is in the air grinning joyfully.
Lakitu: I did, you great, fat man! And you can't catch me! ~You can't catch me, you can't catch me, you can't catch me!~
The Lakitu is flying around on his cloud crazily, and suddenly crashes into a tree. He spontaneously combusts! Somehow, the tree does not burn.
Tree: I'm a fireproof tree.
Okay... Wario walks forward more. There are two Hammer Bros. They are stopping Toad from... Oh yeah. You didn't save Toad. Never mind. Anyways, Wario walks toward the Hammer Bros.
Hammer Bro #1: Hey, hey! Stay back. You are making my hammer angry! I do not like that!
Hammer Bro #2: You're making my hammer angry, too. Stay back, fat man!
Wario walks forward again.
Hammer Bro #1: Didn't I warn you? Now you've made our hammers VERY angry!
Hammer Bro #2: Angry! Angry indeed! You will pay for this!
************** RPG Battle **************
Wario's HP: 40
You ate a Mushroom
in deleted scenes, right?
Wario: No. I
at a Recovery Mushroom.
Oh. Anyways...
Vs.
Hammer Bro #1's
HP: 50
Hammer Bro #2's
HP: 50
Wario uses Super
Punch. 15 damage to Hammer Bro. #1.
Hammer Bro #1's
HP: 35
Hammer Bro #2's
HP: 50
Hammer Bro #1
uses Hammer. 10 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 30
Hammer Bro #2
uses Hammer. 10 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 20
Wario uses Body
Smash. 40 damage to Hammer Bro. #1.
Hammer Bro #1's
HP: 0
Hammer Bro #1
faints.
Hammer Bro #2:
Brother! You will pay for that, Wario!
Hammer Bro #2
uses Hammer Time. 15 damage to Wario.
Wario's HP: 5
Wario uses Body
Smash: 40 damage to Hammer Bro. #2.
Hammer Bro #2's
HP: 10
Hammer Bro #2
uses Valor Up. Increases Hammer Bro #2's defense.
Wario: Why didn't
you just attack me? I would be dead.
Hammer Bro #2:
Because of the stupid author-
HOW DARE YOU
SAY THAT I AM STUPID?! You shall perish-
Wario: I'll take
care of it.
But... fine.
Wario uses Super Punch. Damage doesn't matter, as Hammer Bro #2 faints!
************** RPG Battle **************
Wario wins! The Hammer Bros. are dead! But what is this? Their hammers are lying on the ground. Wario picks them up. The hammers hiss at Wario. Wario hits them both. They are unconscious.
Wario: Hmm... I could sell these for MONEY!!!
Wario puts them... Actually, I don't know where he puts them. Anyway, Wario puts the hammers away. Since the pathway is no longer guarded, Wario exits Mushroom Way. He is back on the World Map. He goes over to the Mushroom Kingdom circle. He enters the Mushroom Kingdom. And... well, we are out of time. What will happen to Wario? What will happen to the hammers? Will Wario get treasure? Will the topic of the dead Toad come up? Why am I asking so many questions? Find out in the next installment of Stupid Wario RPG! Or else...