Chapter 4: Old Acquaintance, New Battle
Our heroes arrive in a dark forest.
Koopa 13: This place kind of gives me the creeps.
G.G: No kidding. Anything could jump out at us.
Snake jumps out.
Snake: Showtime.
G.G: Ignoring him, we need to find the next temple, so let’s just get there and try not to get into trouble.
Chompy accidentally burps up fire and sets a tree aflame.
Chompy: Whoopsie!
They arrive at a bridge with a creepy old Toad standing there and a line set up in front.
G.G: What’s going on?
Koopa: We're trying to get over to the other side of the bridge, but this old guy is having us take some sort of weird test in order to cross.
Koopa 13: Old guy? Who are you talking about?
Koopa: This bridge is called the Doom Bridge. Anyone who wants to cross must answer the bridgekeepers three questions correctly or else they will face an ultimate doom.
Old Toad: What is your name?!
Goomba: Mark.
Old Toad: What is your quest?!
Mark: To get to the other side.
Old Toad: What is your favorite color?!
Mark: Blue.
Old Toad: You may pass.
G.G: This looks like it will be easy.
Old Toad: What is your name?!
Koopa: John.
Old Toad: What is your quest?!
John: To get to the other side.
Old Toad: What is the blood temperature of a Clubba?!
John: I don’t know that!
He suddenly flies into the air and into the canyon.
Koopa 13: That was unexpected.
Old Toad: What is your name?!
Toad: Frank.
Old Toad: What is your quest?!
Frank: To get to the other side.
Old Toad: What is your favorite color?!
Frank: Yellow- I MEAN GREEN!!!
He flies into the air and into the cliff.
G.G: Looks like we're next.
Old Toad: What is your name?!
G.G: We're the G.G. Crew.
Old Toad: What is your quest?!
G.G: To get to the other side.
Old Toad: What is the flight velocity of a Swooper?!
G.G: What kind, Northern or Southern?
Old Toad: I DON’T KNOW THAT!
He flies into the air and falls down the cliff.
Koopa 13: Looks like we were the first people to get a wise guy outsmarted.
G.G: Well no time to mourn, let's keep going.
The three of them cross the bridge and arrive at the next temple.
G.G: This must be the next temple.
Owl: Yes it is.
The head-dropping owl arrives right next to them.
Koopa 13: What is it now, you no-good giant bird?
Owl: The temple that lies before you is the temple of lightning. Inside you will find weather conditions most foul, so be on your toes and keep your neck up.
His head falls off again.
G.G: Obviously you can’t do that.
Owl Head: Now go.
The three of them enter the temple only to almost get hit by lightning.
Chompy: WOAH!
G.G: That was close.
Koopa 13: This place is more dangerous that we thought, so we have to stay together completely if we're gonna make it out alive.
They continue onward into the next room with a lake being electrocuted by lightning.
Koopa 13: Be careful, that is not just any water.
G.G: You're right, if we get in will get electrocuted. We need to direct the lightning to something that conducts electricity, like something made out of metal.
Koopa 13: Metal? I suggest Chompy’s body, it's metallic, right?
Chompy: Aw come on.
G.G: Well Chompy, if you don’t want to do it then we won't force you to-
G.G: kicks Chompy into the water and causes the electricity to go to him. The three of them pass on through.
G.G: All right, nice one, metal pet.
Chompy twitches a bit.
Chompy: Ouch.
They head into the next room to narrow platforms with lightning striking them.
Koopa 13: Great! Platforms stored with electricity.
Chompy: Bark bark.
G.G: What is it, Chompy?
He points to the monster pulling the switch and causing the electricity to strike the platforms.
Koopa 13: Good, now all we have to do is ask that fella to stop it.
G.G: Hey you-
Monster: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
G.G: Well that didn’t work.
Snake appears with a rocket launcher and blows up the monster.
G.G: Wow, thanks Solid Snake.
Snake: Showtime.
They make the way over the platforms into the fruit room.
G.G: Look at all the machines in this room.
Koopa 13: Whoever built this must be a pure genius or something.
The crew spots a golden pear on a pedestal.
G.G: Bingo, got dough, now let's blow.
??: it’s been a long time, Double G Goomba.
Kracko appears on top of one of the machines.
Koopa 13: Who’s the big guy?!
G.G: I dunno, have we met somewhere before?
Kracko: My name is Kracko Clubba, the user of lightning and member of the Holy Nightmare. But of course, G.G. should already know me.
G.G: But I don’t know you, and I’m the type to remember a face.
Kracko: Maybe this will refresh your memory.
He shows him an Indian burn on his arm shaped like a Goomba
Koopa 13: You two must have relationships.
G.G: NOW I REMEMBER YOU! You’re the only guy to have my special Indian burn mark on his arm shaped like that: Charley Clubby, or Chubby Clubby as I used to call you.
Koopa 13: Well it looks this is going to be one of the biggest rivalry meetings I have seen.
Chompy: Bark bark?
G.G: Back in Elementary School I used to bully this guy like there was no tomorrow. He was the guy I always targeted for my worst tormenting ever. You name it: nogies, wedgies, Indian burn marks, the works.
Kracko: And thanks to him I was tormented all of my life during school, to the point where I had to leave, but the Master Mysterious granted me the power of lightning like no other, and now I have destroyed all those who oppose me. Now I can finally be at ease with the destruction of the Goomba that ruined my life.
G.G: Is that so? Well then, if that’s what you want, I’ll take you on by myself.
Koopa 13: You sure you can take him alone? He definitely means business.
G.G: Meh, I have taken on yogurt stronger than him, no sweat.
Chompy: Showoff.
G.G: All right, let's go, Chubby Clubby.
Kracko: Then let it end here.
G.G. and Kracko collide into each other. Kracko strikes lightning at G.G. but he dodges in style and rams him into a wall. Kracko then jumps into the sky and strikes lightning some more but in the form of a ball, and electrocutes G.G. But he stands back up.
Kracko: THUNDER BLADE!
Kracko strikes at G.G. with a sword made out of lightning. As G.G. jumps from it the sword explodes and sends G.G. backwards, but he lands on the wall and jumps at Kracko and knocks him into the machines, giving Kracko an electric shock he wont soon forget.
Kracko: I… lost.
G.G: I still got the moves. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm sorry about making fun of you and ruining your life. Well that isn’t like me at all...
Kracko: No, I am not really Charles Clubba. I may have his memories, but I'm not him.
G.G: What does that mean?
Before he can answer, he faints and his body disappears in a bolt of lightning.
Koopa 13: Charles Clubba?
Chompy: Hmmm…
G.G: Well for now, let’s get the fruit and amscray.
He grabs the pear and the flash returns.
???: Mountains, in the depths of the mountains the secrets of the island will be revealed.
The G.G. Crew reappear in front of the temple.
Owl: Welcome back.
G.G: Owl guy, what’s going on here? We keep forgetting things more and more. It’s like we're getting amnesia or something.
Owl: The reason for this will come to you later. For now, you must go to the mountains and find the earth temple.
G.G: That’s another thing, why do we keep knowing things about the island even though we haven’t been here that long?
Owl: Toasters.
Koopa 13: Speaking of toasters, I’m hungry. Let’s stop by and toast some toast.
Chompy: *sigh*
G.G: All right, we'll get something to eat on the way to the mountains. Let's move out.
As they leave, Dark Boo appears in the sky
Dark Boo: And yet another one bites the dust. These heroes just might be the ones who I have been waiting for.