If the title doesn’t give it away, this is a funny Mario version of Heroes. Now I’m not a really big fan of the show, so I rarely see it, but I have heard a few things and read a few things.
Inspiration is thanks to Tjtrack99 on Fanfiction.Net.
And now for
Chapter 1: Eat at Joe’s
Dimentio is standing on a rooftop, his eyes shifting. There are words on the ground behind him that say “Eat at Joe’s”.
Dimentio: (Hmm. Where is that ice cream truck? Oh! Found it!)
He jumps off the edge. Things flash, and Dimentio wakes up, and he’s apparently a doctor. Oddly enough, his scrubs look exactly like his regular costume, hat and all.
Goomba: Um, I didn’t mean to startle you, sorry.
Dimentio: I’m confused like seeing a sequel without a prequel. Who are you?
Goomba: Um, you see-
The Goomba runs away.
Dimentio: … That was weird like a blue Cactuar appearing and saying things that are stupid for even the author’s standards.
P.T.: I resent that! Now I’m off to somehow figure myself into the story!
Meanwhile, Kooper is giving a lecture in a university classroom.
Kooper: Short and sweet, Koopas aren’t the highest life forms. Goombas, especially not. So if anyone picked Goombas, then they get an F!
Shy Guy: But it was a pre-test! You can’t grade us on that!
Kooper: Just watch me. Anyway, the pinnacle of evolution is the cockroach. Now who wrote that on your paper?
No one raises their hands.
Kooper: Now you ALL have an F. And Shy Guy, you now have an F-.
Shy Guy: Just because I’m a Shy Guy, doesn’t mean my name is-
Kooper: Your turn’s over. Now about those cockroaches: They can live without heads, not eat food for a while, and can survive nuclear explosions. How many of you knew that?
Again, no hands are up.
Kooper: Just for that, you all get a G+.
Shy Guy: There’s no such thing!
Kooper: That’s it, you’re expelled. I don’t care if I can’t do that, you’re outta here. Anyway, if DAD made something in his image, DAD may be a cockroach. But in reality, he’s a big glowing ball that can be any form he wants, as is DAD Jr.
Kooper sees Kolorado in the back of the room.
Kooper: Okay, class is over.
The students leave.
Kolorado: Hey, Kooper. Your dad had a Game Over.
Kooper: … Then I guess I should go somewhere for no good reason.
Kolorado: I did that! But I have to follow you for the same no good reason.
As they walk out…
Kolorado: I think he was hit by a taxi or something.
Kooper: Well, now I can never watch Cash Cab again. That reminds me, he said he thought he was being followed.
Kolorado: I don’t think you should follow in your dad’s footsteps.
Kolorado: Nah, I just wanted to see if it’d sound dramatic.
Kooper: I’m no teacher, but I’d give it a B. Oh wait, I am a teacher.
Inside Kooper’s dad’s apartment , without Kolorado, Kooper finds a bunch of files that say “Eat at Joe’s” on them.
Kooper: Okay, what kind of author replaces “Genesis” with “Eat at Joe’s”?!
P.T.: I was going for a joke, but then the word Genesis kept getting used, so…
Kooper: Okay. Now go off into the role you assigned yourself.
Meanwhile, Princess Shroob (who is not a princess in this story, I couldn’t think of any better roles, but she’ll still be called Princess Shroob) is telling jokes in front of a computer camera.
Princess Shroob: -Then I said, “Who ate the cookie?”
(The Italics in this situation are emails.)
Bowserbabysitter91: That was the worst joke ever!
Shroobtheyounger: Who asked you?
Princess Shroob walks by a mirror, and the reflection changes a little. Oh well. She finds her son, a generic Shroob oddly enough named Shroob, messing with a computer in the living room.
Princess Shroob: Get to school!
Shroob: I will! Say, what were you doing?
Princess Shroob: Telling jokes to pathetically raise money. Again.
Princess Shroob looks out the window to find Tony and Rocko of the Pianta Syndicate outside. She quickly grabs Shroob, and they drive off, escaping the thugs.
Rocko: They’re not here.
Tony: Wow, I’ve always admired your ability to come to conclusions after only seeing one room! What’s your secret?
Rocko: I read the script.
Meanwhile, Mimi is climbing a water tower, and is being filmed by Boshi.
Boshi: Wait, time out! I thought your power was to transform!
Mimi: Not in this story.
Boshi: Oh. Anyway, yes.
Mimi falls off the tower, and instantly heals at the bottom.
Mimi: Hello, I’m Mimi and that was attempt number- What are you doing?!
The camera view changes from Boshi’s shoes to Mimi.
Mimi: Were you videotaping your shoes again?
Boshi: I’ll never tell you.
Meanwhile, Dimentio is again on the roof. He jumps off again, and sees his brother from another mother, Count Bleck. He then wakes up in a taxi. Next to the taxi is a bus with an advertisement: Vote Bleck for “First Mario Villain To Be A Count Instead Of A King Or Something”.
Dimentio: That’s a mouthful.
Dimentio pays the cabbie and enters the Count-To Be’s headquarters. Bleck is talking on his cell phone and sees Dimentio approaching.
Bleck: Yes, I know, just wait for Nastasia and Mr. L to get that ice cream to calm O’Chunks down. Yes, Tippi, I love you too. Bye. *hangs up* What is it, Dimentio? Count, to be, Bleck is busy! Err, I mean I’m busy!
Dimentio: Bleck, I think I can fly.
Bleck: Well you can do it in Super Paper Mario.
Dimentio: But let’s pretend that game hasn’t happened yet, seeing as how you’re not a count yet.
Bleck: I was, I just accidentally lost the position. Anyway, go see Dr. Mario about this problem. He’ll get you some Prescription Poison Mushrooms. You know, the kind that won’t kill you.
The phone rings again.
Bleck: What? Yes, I can hear you now! What? Oh crud.
Bleck: Your mom was arrested.
Dimentio: We should go check it out.
Meanwhile, Mimi and Boshi are walking along the Excess Express tracks.
Mimi: I’m depressed.
Boshi: It might help if you stop using the Vibe Scepter to make yourself sad.
Mimi: Nah, I have an obsessive compulsive need to do that now. But that’s not the only reason. But remember, no one can know about this.
Boshi: So why am I taping it?
Mimi: So I can hopefully use it for a premise for this movie I’m thinking of writing. The other reasons are supposed to be a secret.
Boshi: At least you’re still popular. For what that’s worth.
Mimi: Too late, my game’s over! I’ve ended my game in every conceivable way, and then in every unimaginable way, and I’m still here!
Boshi: … You have too much free time on your hands. Anyway, here’s the tape.
He gives it to Mimi. Meanwhile, in an office cubicle, Yoshi is focusing deeply on his clock. After enough focus, his clock turns back a second! … Wait, only one second? Lame.
He gets up and starts running around the whole entire office room over, and over, and over, and over…
Yoshi: I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! I-
This goes on for 10 minutes.
Yoshi: I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID-
Other Workers: SHUT UP!
He goes to a cubicle with his friend, Kamek. Yes I know they’re enemies in the games.
Yoshi: random Yoshi noise Kamek, I did it! I made time go back one second!
Kamek: (uncaring) Yeah, I heard. Go let me know when you manage to go back to my birth and make sure to tell me when I go wrong with my save file, okay?
Yoshi: I have super powers!
Kamek: Sure, like Grodus in the Grodus Chronicles.
Yoshi: Really? My distant cousin Francis is a big fan of that show, you know.
Yoob, Yoshi’s boss, grabs Yoshi and drags him back to his cubicle.
Kamek (jokingly): Summon your Grodus X’s, Grodus!
Kamek then continues typing the “lame” jokes from earlier in an Email so they might appear on Lemmy’s Lines. Meanwhile, Shroob is playing with a Shroob laser, pretending to shoot things. It’s a toy laser, so you know. Princess Shroob is busy speaking to the principle, P.T.!
Princess Shroob: What?! Why did you assign yourself to this role?
P.T.: Silence, nonbeliever! The role came with free root beer. Anyway Ms. Shroob, your son is good, but…
Princess Shroob: You can’t blame him! His dad isn’t… anywhere at all, he’s weak, and I’m locked up in my room telling jokes for people on the Internet-
P.T.: So YOU’RE the one who made up that lame joke that killed my dog. Oh wait, that was my neighbor’s dog. Oh well. Anyway, this school just isn’t right for Shroob. By the way, couldn’t you have thought up a better name for him?
Princess Shroob: No. Anyway, he needs this school. And I paid a lot of money!
Princess Shroob: Refund! I demand a refund!
P.T.: Too late, I spent it… on bobble-heads!
P.T. pulls out a Mr. L bobble-head and flicks the head.
P.T.: See, you can make it look like he agrees with you, even if you already know you’re wrong!
Princess Shroob: …
Princess Shroob grabs P.T. by the collar of his trench coat.
Princess Shroob: GIVE ME BACK MY MONEY! @%q!^%$#@^@^!%$@$%^!
Shroob: Mom, you’re going back into your native tongue!
P.T. quickly unzips his trench coat and falls to the ground, escaping the clutches of the mother. Oddly, he has another trench coat underneath. Princess Shroob takes Shroob by his wrist, and they leave. She passes a reflective fish tank and sees the odd reflection, which resembles Elder Princess Shroob.
Princess: Leave me alone, you stupid reflection!
Meanwhile in the Mushroom City Police Department, Dimentio and Bleck are waiting for a policeman to release Dimentio’s mom. She resembles Dimentio, but is more feminine, and not dressed like a jester. Bleck is here because in childhood, Dimentio’s mom was kind of like Bleck’s mom, since Bleck didn’t have one.
Bleck: Mrs. Nolastname, why were you shoplifting?!
Dimentio: (hugging his mom) Are you okay, Mommy?
Dimentio’s Mom: Dimentio, you’re an adult now. But now that the charges are dropped, all I have to do is sign a form!
Bleck: Ugh, everyone knows you were as close to me as if you were MY mom, too! I’m going to have to find a way to stop this from reaching the press!
Kylie Koopa: Too late! I know everything!
Bleck: Dimentio! Omega Maneuver 9!
Dimentio traps Kylie Koopa in Dimension D for eternity.
Bleck: Anyway, what were you stealing?!
Dimentio’s Mom: Socks.
Bleck: SOCKS?! DID IT NOT OCCUR TO YOU THAT IT WAS FREE DAY AT THE SOCK EMPORIUM?! THERE WERE ADVERTISEMENTS EVERYWHERE!
The “camera” then pans over to find advertisements for Sock Emporium’s free day on billboards, benches, and tattooed on small children.
Dimentio’s Mom: … Wow, I really need to start paying more attention.
Dimentio: Mom, what were you thinking?
Dimentio’s Mom: That I should pay more attention.
Dimentio: No, when you were stealing.
Dimentio’s Mom: I was wondering if Scrubs might get renewed for an eighth season, even though they keep saying this is the last one.
Dimentio: Really? I should look into that. Anyway, I’m sorry my best friend doesn’t care, even though you were kind of like his mom but not really.
Dimentio’s Mom: He got that personality when his dad sent his girlfriend to another dimension.
WE INTERRUPT THIS
STORY FOR THIS.
YOU MAY HAVE WONDERED HOW TIPPI HAS ALREADY BEEN SENT AWAY IF COUNT BLECK ISN’T A COUNT YET, OR HOW YOSHI AND KAMEK ARE BUDS, OR HOW PRINCESS SHROOB ISN’T A PRINCESS.
WELL HERE’S THE ONLY ANSWER YOU NEED:
SHUT UP AND ENJOY THE STORY.
NOW BACK TO THE STORY.
Dimentio’s Mom: You know, you should put people before you, but you’re going too far! You did that to Bleck, and now he’s taking advantage of you!
Dimentio: But he’s my brother! From another mother! We’re close!
Dimentio’s Mom: Son, you have to take off those rose-colored glasses eventually.
Dimentio: But they go with my suit!
Dimentio’s Mom takes his glasses and puts them in her pocket.
Dimentio’s Mom: You can have them back later.
Dimentio: We’re connected! When Bleck was in a car crash, I knew!
Dimentio’s Mom: You’re the one who crashed into him.
Dimentio: And I knew what I did!
Dimentio’s Mom: True, usually when you hurt people, it takes you a while to notice.
Meanwhile, Princess Shroob is knocking on a door. It’s opened.
Dry Bones: Ugh. How long will this take?
Princess Shroob: (Hmm. If they’re going to make me tell every joke I know in the garage, it shouldn’t take more than one minute, since I only know one joke.) A minute. Whenever they get here.
Dry Bones: Okay. Hello, kid. There’s ice cream in the fridge.
Shroob: I’m lactose intolerant.
Dry Bones: … In that case, there’s a pie.
Shroob: Ice cream AND pie? Some people like to let themselves go.
Dry Bones: I’m holding it for someone! Now go and be distracted, dang it!
Shroob: You win this round.
Dry Bones: Wanna tell me WHY you borrowed all that money from Don Pianta? Did you go to my buddy’s casino with Wario again? Yes, readers, my friend is the Goomba in Mario Party 4.
Princess Shroob: I need to pay for Shroob to get into Private School while paying my other bills, and I think someone’s watching me. Other than the Piantas, of course.
Dry Bones: Do you realize it’s Game Over for you if you don’t come up with all the money plus interest in about two minutes? What’s your debt again?
Princess Shroob: I dunno, I’ll check on my DBZ-like scouter…. IT’S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAANND!!!
Dry Bones: WHAT?! 9,000?!
Princess Shroob: Yeah, but that is plus interest. Watch Shroob.
Meanwhile, Mimi and Boshi come up to a burning Perplexing Express from Mario Party 8.
Mimi: Tape me. And not your shoes!
Boshi: Nag, nag, nag. Fine.
Mimi’s in the middle of the burning wreckage, when Fire Bros. come and save her, as she’s pulling MC Ballyhoo out of the wreckage.
MC Ballyhoo: I LIVE!
Big Top: Rats!
Landlord Shy Guy: I can fix this place up… for a fee.
Kooper: Again, no.
Landlord Shy Guy: Oh… You know I can fix this place up… for a fee.
Kooper: Dude, seriously.
Landlord Shy Guy: Sorry… You know I can fix this place up… for a fee.
Kooper power shells him out the door. He then sees a cockroach along the ground.
Kooper: Hey! I was giving a lecture on cockroaches, and now I see one! Cool…
Kooper sees a map of Plit with thumbtacks on it and picks up a cassette with the name King Boo on it. Meanwhile, Vincent Van Gore is pouring Gatorade and black paint over a lot of canvases. Why did he add Gatorade? Why not? The Goomba from Dimentio’s first appearance in the story comes in.
Vincent: I dunno, I was eating Poison Mushrooms while painting some of this.
Goomba: You really need to stop this. Go to that clinic!
Vincent: But the guy in charge used to be a Carney! I hate Carneys! They smell like cabbages!
Vincent pulls out a canvas with a picture of a burning doomship. That is also covered in honey. And a bottle of Gatorade is on deck.
Goomba: Dude, get over this obsession with Gatorade! It’s just flavored water with color! It’s not even that flavored!
Vincent: That part was after the Poison Mushrooms. Anyway, this was a self Game Over attack in Desert Land. I think he threw a shell and it accidentally bounced back to him. Then somehow the ship caught on fire, it’s crazy.
Goomba: … So?
Vincent: This only happened last night! That doomship is the same as in the newspaper that just appeared out of nowhere!
Goomba: No really, go to that clinic. We’ll get you a nose plug so you won’t smell the cabbages.
The Goomba leaves. The TV shows a broadcast of Shy Guys’ Perplex Express on fire. Vincent then looks over to a painting of the Perplex Express.
Meanwhile, Dimentio reenters the HQ.
Bleck: Hold on, Nastasia. What is it, Dimentio?
Dimentio: Dude, I think my mom’s begging for attention.
Bleck: What is it? You want a job here? Well I could use a minion that could betray me to make a previously uneventful plot more interesting.
Dimentio: I make your plots better, so now you’ll hire me to make you look better?
Dimentio: Oh. I’m cool with that, but do realize that you’re not hiring me out of friendship but to make you look good, which is selfish.
Bleck: I know.
Dimentio: Oh, and did you hear a word of anything I’ve said today?
Bleck: You mean how you can fly? Even though you can in Super Paper Mario?
Dimentio: Dude, I have a job.
Bleck: You’re not a good doctor, you know. I’m trying to help you!
Dimentio: I NEED NOT YOUR PITY, BLUMIERE! … Go on, did I sound dramatic?
Bleck: Yeah, but I still don’t take that seriously.
Dimentio goes outside. He gets in a taxi that’s being driven by Kooper. FINALLY! MAYBE PLOTS WILL MERGE NOW!
Dimentio: Corner of Mushroom and Fire Flower, please.
The ride starts, and an eclipse starts, too! Dimentio and Kooper notice.
Kooper: Solar Eclipse.
Dimentio: … NO. Ya think?
Kooper: Shut up. You know if there were a total eclipse, Plit would feel as small as it is, ya know?
Dimentio: I asked for a ride, not a philosophy. What’s your name?
Kooper: Kooper. And you are?
P.T.: And I’m P.T.! … Sorry, I got bored and had to put myself somewhere. I’ll let myself out now.
Dimentio: Kooper, do you ever think we’re meant to do something cool and super?
Kooper: I’m driving a taxi.
Dimentio: Not that! (Hmm… I haven’t been using Ciao and any similes lately.)
Kooper: Yes. I’d go into depth, but you’d be confused.
Dimentio: I agree, like that dorky son of Bowser’s who owned Giant Land for a time.
Boshi: I can’t believe you saved that guy!
Meanwhile… Woah, that was short. Yoshi looks up and sees the eclipse outside his window in his cubicle. Kooper and Dimentio obviously see the eclipse, as do Mimi, Princess Shroob, and I think Vincent. In the Dry Bones’s house, Tony finds Princess Shroob and takes her to the garage.
Rocko: You. Every joke you know. Now.
Princess Shroob clears her throat and sees her reflection. Rocko pushes her down because he has to please the Nonexistent God of Pushing People down. She gets up.
Princess Shroob: ^!^!%%and$%^*#@^%^%@!!!
She gets punched.
Princess Shroob: (Ow! Oh well, at least I seemed dramatic for a short period of time.)
Meanwhile, Yoshi and Kamek get off a train.
Yoshi: No really! I can mess with time!
Kamek: And what will you do with that power?
Yoshi: Maybe then I can bend space and teleport!
Kamek: Also like Grodus Chronicles?
Yoshi: Exactly! I’ll need a purpose, too.
Inside the Yoshi’s Island Juice Bar, Yoshi is drawing on a napkin.
Yoshi: *Yoshi noise* This is so cool! I wonder where this power is going! Did you know time is more like a circle than a line?
Kamek: Don’t care.
Yoshi: My cousin Francis told me after he read X-Nauts Issue 141.
Kamek: Whatever. What are you gonna do, make money?
Yoshi: No, I was saving that for if I get the ability to grow wings, breathe fire, or make small quakes all by eating shells.
Kamek: So what, you gonna teleport yourself to the front of the line of kids at the ice cream truck?
Yoshi: I can do that on my own by eating all the kids and spitting them out behind me.
Kamek: There’s an ice cream truck outside. Go do it, and I’ll get myself another Chuckola Cola.
Yoshi: All right. I’ll do it.
Yoshi focuses hard on the front of the line. Meanwhile in the Dry Bones’s house back on the mainland, Princess Shroob is unconscious. The phone rings.
Recording: It’s me, Shroob. I hate this place! The Dry Bones is a danger to himself and others! And I’m not kidding, he really is. Seriously, I have proof I’ll show you later.
Princess Shroob opens her eyes and sees Tony, Game Overed. Rocko had a Game Over, too. Princess Shroob sees that the computer camera for the jokes is still on, and she sees her reflection in a broken mirror.
Tony: Actually, I still have some life left in me. If I can just get to a power-up-
The now conscious Princess Shroob knocks him out with a baseball bat.
Princess Shroob: … Weird.
Meanwhile, Dimentio’s cell phone rings in Kooper’s cab.
Random Guy: Can you hear me now?
Random Guy: Good. Oh, and this Goomba wants to talk to you.
Goomba: It’s me, that random Goomba from the beginning. Get to my dad’s house! Or else!
Dimentio: Fine. Ciao!
Dimentio pays Kooper and leaves. E. Gadd enters the cab.
Gadd: Yabooyaboo. Oyamaa! Hubbu hubbu!
Kooper: Sir, you’re going to have to get over your seizure if you want to go somewhere.
Gadd: … Just take me to the airport!
Gadd: By the way, what kind of last name is… (Wait, I don’t think he has one. Curses! Why aren’t Mario characters usually given a last name?!) What kind of name is Kooper?
Kooper: How’d you know my name?
Gadd: It’s on your license. Sorry about your dad.
Kooper: … You’re kind of freaking me out.
Gadd: But, there’s no proof he’s your dad, since none of you have surnames.
Kooper: Dude, seriously.
Kooper stops and gets out. Gadd is pleased.
Gadd: (All right! Now if I can just leave this scene without looking like a fool!)
Gadd gets out and slips on a puddle, and lands in mud.
Gadd: … Why me?
Meanwhile, Cackletta and her pet Captain Gills is with her son, Green Shy Guy.
Green Shy Guy: I don’t even get a name?!
No. Anyway, Mimi is putting food on the table, as she is Cackletta’s daughter in this story.
Cackletta: I think Captain Gills will finally be able to win the Fishlympics this year!
Green Shy Guy: I got captured by a ghost ship after my girlfriend was taken by it, went on an epic quest involving an hourglass, unbeatable knights, and a greedy ship captain, and when I returned, only ten minutes had passed.
Mimi: And I walked through fire and didn’t die. Again.
Cackletta: Ooh, a metaphor!
Mimi: When Green Shy Guy copies video game adventures and says he did them, you believe him, but when I say something it’s a metaphor?!
Green Shy Guy: It happened!
Mimi: You were just playing Phantom Hourglass!
Green Shy Guy: No! Nintendo just edited me to look like Link!
Link: No, you just stole my adventure!
Cackletta starts baby talking to her fish. Meanwhile, two Yoshi policemen are scolding Yoshi for cutting in line, and how he should set an example for kids since he’s an adult, and all that jazz. Kamek notices. Yoshi sees Kamek.
After getting a form saying he can’t be within five meters of the scene of the “crime”, he talks to Kamek.
Yoshi: I DID IT! I DID IT! I-
Kamek: (covering Yoshi’s mouth) No, we had enough of that in the office. Now why do you want to be different?
Yoshi: Why do you not?
Kamek: Because I AM! Not, that is.
Yoshi: I want to be special!
Kamek: Oh, don’t worry. You’re “special” all right. But even so, we’re not special! We’re Yoshi’s Islanders!
Living Kit Kat Bar: Give me a break! Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar!
Yoshi eats LKKB.
Yoshi: Mmm, the perfect blend of chocolate and random. Anyway, I don’t care! I want to go where no Yoshi, Magikoopa, Burt, Rex, Banzai Bill, Boo, Shy Guy, Pidgit, Boo Blah, Chain Chomp, Milde, Bandit…
A while later…
Yoshi: …Baseball Boy, Coconutter, Goonie, or Spear Guy has ever been before!
Kamek: Oh yeah, you’re Super Dragon.
Meanwhile in a house, the Goomba is throwing things around.
Dimentio: And you are…?
Goomba: Not important! You have that Prescription Ztar, right? For my dad?
Dimentio: From what I see, he’s got life like a glass has a little bit of milk left in the bottom. He doesn’t need it yet. You know, I think I have a special destiny and on my way here-
Goomba: Don’t care.
Meanwhile, Mimi’s doing the dishes.
Cackletta: You. Me. Movies. Then. Mall. Saturday. Help. Me. Can’t. Stop. Talking. In. Fragments.
Mimi: Again? No, I just love you as a mom, that’s all. Don’t make me get the funnel.
Cackletta: Well. Excuse. Me. For. Trying. To. Be. Friends.
Mimi accidentally drops a ring she bought from Vasu the Jeweler in Oracle of Ages (LOZ game) down the garbage disposal as it runs. Mimi reaches in for it and heals her hand when it comes out. Wait, does she even have hands? Just an odd stick thing! Same for her feet! What is she?!
Mimi: Tell me who my real parents are!
Off-Screen Man (Mimi’s Dad): Cackletta, I’m home!
Cackletta: You’ve got some ‘splaining to do!
Off-Screen Man: Why? I told you I’d be home at… whatever time it is now.
Mimi: Hi, Daddy.
Swirly Glasses Person (Okay, I think we all know this guy is Gadd): Hi, Mimi.
Meanwhile in a Yoshi’s Island subway, Yoshi sees a poster for the Mushroom Kingdom, specifically Mushroom City. Yoshi closes his eyes and concentrates. Suddenly, he’s in Mushroom City.
Yoshi: YOSHI! HAH, WOOO-
Yoshi gets run over by a Wiggler Bus. A few Super Shrooms later…
Yoshi: YOSHI! HAH, WOOOW, MOOSHROOM CAITEE!
Off-Screen Person: SHUT UP! MY KID’S TAKIN’ A NAP!
That’s right, Yoshi has been speaking in translated Yoshinese until now. Meanwhile, Dimentio and the Goomba are in Vincent’s apartment. Dimentio shines a flashlight and finds Vincent on the floor, after too many Ztars.
Dimentio: SWEET DAD JR! CALL 9-1-1!
The Goomba does so and Dimentio sees a painting of him flying/falling off a building.
Vincent: WE MUST STOP IT!
The two see Vincent’s painting of something terrible happening to Mushroom Castle.
Vincent: We have to stop it.
Dimentio: Dude, we heard you the first time. You shouted it the first time even.
Later, Dimentio is on the rooftop again.
Dimentio: Hey! I can see my house from here!
A cab pulls out and Bleck comes out with a cell phone.
Bleck: Okay, what is it?
Dimentio’s phone falls down… on Bleck’s head.
Dimentio (from high up): SORRY!
Bleck: … Oh my DAD. Dimentio, quit messing around up there!
Dimentio jumps off, and nothing appears to happen. Suddenly, Bleck flies up, catches him, and they fly away.
Dimentio: You can fly?!
Bleck: Did you not pay attention in Super Paper Mario?
Dimentio: Yeah, but the script calls for you to not naturally be able to fly.
Bleck: It does?
Bleck loses his grip on his clowny chum. Dimentio falls.
Bleck: Whoops. I probably should’ve taken my gloves off to eat that popcorn after all.
So let’s recap:
Dimentio thinks he can fly and Bleck is kind of a jerk. And he can fly.
Kooper’s dad died and he has a job as a cabbie, and has been freaked out by Gadd.
Princess Shroob is being chased by the Pianta Syndicate.
Mimi has a rotten life.
And Yoshi got to the MK.
Chapter 2: Don’t Look Back. And maybe you’ll get a cookie!
There is text on the ground that says the chapter’s name. Dimentio is in a hospital bed with Bleck visiting.
Dimentio: Bleck, what happened?
Bleck: Oh, you tried to jump off a building.
Dimentio: LIAH! Wait, you can fly!
Koopa: He can fly!
Goomba: He can fly!
Shy Guy: He can fly!
They start going into a chorus about how he can fly like in Peter Pan.
Bleck: SHUT UP! Anyway, no. Insert excuse to disprove your idea here.
Meanwhile, Mimi’s reading the nawspaper Article on the burning Perplex Express. And then she reads what Garfield is up to THIS week. But more importantly, the train article.
Mimi: Daddy, I need to talk to you.
Mimi: Because. You know I want to know about my real parents!
Gadd: Actually I don’t, but okay. I mean, not okay! Yeah, that’s it. Just stick to something odd like cheerleading.
Mimi: I don’t just do that! I’m also part of the Drama Club!
Gadd: Yeah, but that’s too awesome to use to get you away from this subject.
(Yes, I enjoyed school activities like the drama club more than others. Blame my family.)
Meanwhile in Kooper’s apartment, Kooper sees a gray Snifit under a desk. Kooper grabs a pointy trophy and approaches, and the Snifit jumps on him!
Snifit: Hi, I’m the exterminator! You know I can check this place… for a fee.
Kooper: … No. (Hmm, this guy looks suspicious. Especially with all that mumbo jumbo under the desk.)
The two have a quick fight, and then Kooper is shelling, giving chase to the Snifit. The two then trip over Vivian.
Snifit: Uh, I’m an exterminator!
Vivian: Yet you have a Mini Bill Blaster?
Snifit: Darn Skippy.
Kooper: Whoops, sorry. I’m Kooper!
Vivian: Whatever. Wait, Kooper?
Kooper: (That many people know my dad?)
Meanwhile, Yoshi reappears in Mushroom City again and goes bragging about all he knows about the MK. But he still has slight pronunciation problems.
Yoshi: Let’s-a go! Yaboo yaboo! Guh! I have fury!
He sees a comic called “Luigi’s House of Horrors” on a newsstand. There’s a picture of Yoshi on the front, shouting “I Did It!”
Yoshi: Wow! Hah! Yoshi! Er, I mean… He looks like me! I shood red thees!
Random Toad: Dude, this isn’t a library. But I was thinking of opening one. What do you think of “Mushroom City Super Library”?
Yoshi pays him a Dragon Coin and leaves.
Random Toad: I don’t think that’s any good here. Wait, I’m not even in charge! Oh well, I’m sure foreign money is good for SOMETHING on E-Bay.
Yoshi sees the story from his cubicle all the way to the subway on a theater. He flips to the book’s back. There’s a picture of Vincent with his name and address. Yoshi runs off. Meanwhile at Van Gore’s…
Dimentio: Why are you using my comic book to dab his forehead? There was a perfectly good towel!
Goomba: I like to make you mad.
Vincent: I saw something that looked like a Nuclear Bob-omb nuke the Mushroom Kingdom, specifically Mushroom City, but it’ll affect the rest of the kingdom.
Goomba: It was a dream.
Vincent: I don’t believe you. Anyway, we should call someone important!
Goomba: No, you just had way too many Ztars, Poison Mushrooms, and probably other power-downs. Give them up!
Vincent: But they’re shiny!
Meanwhile at the high school, Mimi and Mona are talking to the quarterback, Wart.
Wart: What do you mean I’m kicked out of the Drama Club?! I WAS BORN TO ACT! And play football in my spare time.
Mona: We flipped a coin, either you were out of football or the Drama Club. Football won.
Boshi: Can I talk to Mimi for a minute?
Principal Smithy comes.
Smithy: Mimi, Mona, the sheriff would like to talk to you. He wants to know why your names have alliteration, and then something dubious that I can’t reveal.
Meanwhile, Princess Shroobs leaves in her car. She dials on her phone.
Princess Shroob: Hi, Shroob. Show me that evidence when I get there, I’ll be there soon.
She pulls over in a parking lot and watches the video. After she gets punched, the recording blacks out, but the sound of a cool and epic DBZ-style fight that you would’ve wanted to see can be heard. She gets out of the car and sees her dress is slightly different and she’s missing gloves.
Shroob: IT’S BEEN FOUR FREAKING HOURS!
She gets back to the Dry Bones’s house, with Shroob and the Dry Bones waiting.
Princess Shroob: Get in the car.
Dry Bones: What’s going on? And those photos of me were photoshopped!
Princess Shroob: Photos?
Dry Bones: Oh yeah, I destroyed them. Er, anyway what’s going on?
Princess Shroob: Don’s thugs came to my place and they got a Game Over. And I think I might have something to do with it.
Dry Bones: Maybe Tatanga came back because he loves you.
Princess Shroob: He’s wanted. I’m calling the police.
They speed away.
Shroob: Did you know that skeletal Koopa glues himself to the fridge? And he once caught on fire underwater? And had a blender explode on him?
Princess Shroob: Woah…
Meanwhile in the apartment…
Vivian: Who’d bug your dad’s place?
Kooper: Dunno. In Koopa Village there was someone snooping in his place.
P.T.: Hey, I’m confused, so can we just skip to the next scene?
Kooper: Always when the smart guy gets a scene.
Meanwhile, all the cheerleaders are signed up and the sheriff and Fire Bro chief approach.
Sheriff: Okay, does anyone know why the chicken crossed the road?
No one raises their hands.
Sheriff: Okay. I guess I should leave now. Oh wait, that reminds me, who saved a guy from a burning train? It doesn’t matter, I think it’s that green one with the square head.
Fire Bro Chief: That part about knowing it’s her was my line! You owe me!
Sheriff: Fine, we’ll go to Dairy Queen later. Anyway, where did you practice yesterday?
Mona: No, I saved the guy.
MC Ballyhoo: I have a name! Wait, I’m not in this scene.
Fire Bro Chief: Congrats, you’re an honorary Fire Sis.
Mimi glares at Mona. Then she glares at the Goomba that’s eating her lunch right now. Everyone parades around Mona except for Mimi.
Mimi: How’s he doing?
Sheriff: He’s got bad burns but he’s happy to be alive.
Big Top: I’m not happy he’s alive! And he has no burns, didn’t you see him earlier? Oh wait, I’m not in this scene either.
Mimi is walking across the field when Boshi approaches.
Mimi: I can’t believe they made Mona the grand marshal of the parade!
Chuck Norris: I can.
Mimi: Duh, we all know you can!
Boshi: Your tape’s missing.
Wart runs into her, twisting her head upside-down. She gets up and twists it back right.
Mimi: That wasn’t my ability to heal. That was normal. I can always do that.
Wart: OH MY DAD! Are you all right?
Mimi: Yes, I’m fine.
Meanwhile, Princess Shroob and Shroob are walking into a house.
Shroob: What’s going on?
Princess Shroob: Just pack your things.
Shroob: Oh, so you can distract me so you can take care of deep matters that will have a weighty effect on the plot while pushing me aside just because it’ll scare me and/or confuse me, like on lots of other works?
Princess Shroob: Exactly.
This happens. She goes into the garage, but the whole place is clean, and the computers are gone.
Princess Shroob: Cool!
After a series of odd events, she finds a map on top of the Game Overed bodies of the thugs in the trunk. She takes the map.
Tony: Actually, I’m STILL alive-
She hits him with the same bat and closes the trunk. Meanwhile, Dimentio is in that hospital bed, drawing. It’s a highly detailed work with shadow effects and whatnot floating, with another equally detailed figure wearing a tie next to him. I can only assume the floater is Dimentio and the tied one is Bleck. Oh, and there’s an odd symbol on the drawing. Dimentio’s ,om enters and Dimentio hides the sketch.
Dimentio’s Mom: Is someone drawing a picture in here?
Dimentio: Uh, no.
Dimentio’s Mom: Okay. Anyway, WHAT ON PLIT WHERE YOU THINKING?!
Dimentio: I was wondering why Futurama was ended.
Dimentio’s Mom: I mean when the event happened.
Dimentio’s Mom: You know your dad had a Self-Game Over.
Dimentio: My dad was just here three minutes ago!
Dimentio’s Mom: Dimentio, it’s time I told you this… That man was an illusion.
Dimentio: NOOOOOOOO!!!! And I thought he said if he gets a Game Over, it’s from a Final Boss!
Dimentio’s Mom: I lied. Duh! I was too lazy to tell you the truth. Now go rethink your game.
Meanwhile, Yoshi enters Vincent’s place. The door’s open.
Yoshi: Vine-scent Vain Gory?
He sees a lot of paintings, one of which is the same as the symbol on the drawing Mario did. There’s one of Yoshi’s face. He finds a damaged Vincent Van Gore, and picks up a Mini Bill Blaster he finds.
Yoshi: Mysteer Gory?
Police Chief Donkey Kong: Freeze! Drop your weapon! … Please?
Yoshi does… and faints. Meanwhile in another city, a traffic cop is complaining about his job. This traffic cop is Toad! … Seriously? He goes into a house after hearing some police sirens and finds a presumably dead couple.
Secret Agent Goomba: King Boo.
Agent Boss Goomba: I want to know what happened to the couple.
Secret Agent Goomba: First we have to know what happened to their kid, DUH!
Toad is looking around and passes the agents.
Agent Boss Goomba: And what are you doing here?
He opens a cabinet and finds a Shy Guy child eating a sandwich.
Shy Guy: … What, a kid can’t eat a sandwich in a cabinet? Oh, and King Boo hurt parents.
Meanwhile, Kooper is still talking to Vivian.
Kooper: I grew apart from my dad when he said something about tracking down special people.
Vivian: You said that.
Kooper: Dang it, it’s the fault of these stupid Shy Guys that run the place!
Shy Guy Bellhop: I can give you room service… for a fee.
Kooper shells him out the window.
Vivian: By the way, your dad’s frog is gone.
Since the phone can’t record any more messages, it’s automatically played. Some generic Bleck campaign, apparently. Then a creepy voice plays.
Voice: What?! My mom said my voice was cool! WAAAAH! Er, anyway uh, I don’t know what to say. Anyway, insert dubious conversation between me and Kooper’s dad here. And I’m King Boo.
They find the frog and Kooper finds a rectangle. It’s a candy bar! He eats it, then finds another rectangle. A hard drive? He puts it in his computer and a large green code appears on the screen.
Kooper: Oh my goodness. He actually did that thingy where he finds special people! You know, I have nothing better going on, so I think I’ll finish what he started.
Meanwhile, Toad finds floats in the pool that form the same symbol that was seen twice before.
Toad: Well someone has a lot of time on their hands.
Agent Boss Goomba: How’d you know about that kid?
Toad: I heard their voice. And yes, only I did. Now I must leave.
ABG: You can’t be a detective.
Toad: I didn’t want to.
ABG: How did failing make you feel?
Toad: I didn’t take the test! And before you get any ideas, I didn’t do this to make myself look good. And I definitely didn’t kill the people, King Boo did. And I learned the name from you by the same means I heard the kid. And I bet you’re wondering why I know what you’re gonna say.
ABG: Kind of, but not enough to keep you from being arrested… Yeah, I’m arresting you.
Meanwhile, Shroob is sleeping in the back seat of Princess Shroob’s car. She stops in Gritzy Desert and finds the Kool-Aid Man?
Kool-Aid Man: Hey, can you give me a ride to my friend’s house? I’ll give you my shovel if you do!
Princess Shroob takes the shovel from him and digs. Whenever she gets thirsty, she sips from Kool-Aid Man, and then knocks him over. She finds another Game-Overed body there!
Princess Shroob: … Maybe I should see that therapist after all.
Gadd: Hi, Mimi! The adoption agency will try to reach your parents.
Mimi: Don’t care.
She leaves and he’s watching the DVD of her tape. Oh yeah. He went there. He stole from his own adopted daughter! That’s it, I’m telling. MR. AUTHOR, MR. AUTHO- *gets knocked out with Gadd’s own bat*
Gadd: You’re not allowed to know!
Soon, the new narrator is hired. Me! I wonder why. Did the old narrator know something he shouldn’t have?
Whatever you say, you’re the boss, numero uno, the head honcho, the-
Gadd: (Great, the kiss-up narrator from the first part of Shadow Paper Mario…)
Meanwhile, Dimentio is sitting on that roof’s edge, and Bleck appears.
Dimentio: Did you know about my dad?
Bleck: Oh Underwhere yeah!
Dimentio: And you didn’t tell me because…?
Bleck: I thought it’d make a cool plot twist.
Dimentio: … You know, I can actually see where that’d be a cool plot twist if someone else were in my shoes right now. Okay, we’re cool.
Bleck: So what are you doing again?
Dimentio: I was trying to find the ice cream truck again. Oh, but I came up with this cool idea, too. Either you admit to flying like in the end of the last chapter, or I’ll jump off the roof again.
Bleck: Okay. But we BOTH did, though. Before you hit the ground when I dropped you, you flew. But not very well, like a baby bird or something.
Bleck: Oh yeah? Want to explain how you’re suddenly magically as tall as me?
Dimentio sees that he’s flying.
Dimentio: … I take that back.
But as soon as Dimentio says that, he falls back down. Meanwhile, Yoshi’s being questioned in Vincent’s apartment.
Yoshi: I am note good at spe-ayking Mooshroomeez! I aym frohm Yoshi’s Island! I say so!
A Rex detective comes in and drops a bunch of files on a desk and picks up Yoshi’s wallet. He is bilingual.
Rex: Wow, I really need to get a wallet like this. Wait, I was supposed to think that. Anyway, hah! Yoshi! Buh-ding, hap! Yoshi! Hmmmmmm!!! (How’d you get here?)
Yoshi: Hah! Yoshi! Hah! Owowowowowow!!! Yoshi! (I teleported.)
Rex: Buh-ding, hap! (WHAT?!)
Yoshi: Buh-ding, hap! Yoshi! Hah, Grodus, Grodus Chronicles! Hmmmmm!!! (Like Grodus, in the Grodus Chronicles!)
Rex: Okay, this guy is saying he can mess with the space-time continuum. Hah! Owowowowow! Waah! Yoshi! (How recent was this? And do you have anything to eat?)
Yoshi: Yoshi! (Yesterday, my friend Kamek will clear it up! And I have a Yoshi Cookie!)
The Rex eats it. On Yoshi’s Island, Kamek is in his office and answers a ringing phone.
Kamek: Dunder Mifflin, Yoshi’s Island branch.
Yoshi: Kamek! The police are questioning me! And the one that can speak Yoshi’s Islander took my Yoshi Cookie!
Kamek: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!
Yoshi: Mooshroom Caitee! I teleported!
The Rex takes the phone from Yoshi.
Rex: Mr. Kamek, when was the last time you saw Yoshi? And does he have any Yoshi Cookies that don’t have raisins in them?
Yoshi: Yeesteerday! Yeesteerday, smart one!
Kamek: I haven’t seen him for five weeks. And no, that’s his favorite kind.
Yoshi looks at his nonexistent watch.
Yoshi: Bootober Second?
Rex: No, it’s SplunkinPie the Ninth.
(Bootober = October, SplunkinPie = November)
There is now a big explosion! There’s a shockwave that destroys lots of buildings. Apparently a Nuclear Bob-omb went off. Yoshi closes his eyes and finds he’s back on the subway on Yoshi’s Island.
Yoshi: … That was weird…