The next morning, the three wake up ready to find the source of the weird noise and to find Koops.
Voice: Ooooooooooo!
Mario: What’s new?
Voice: You tell me.
Admiral Bobbery: Mario, It’s a Flower Fuzzy!
Flower Fuzzy: I remember you two. But now it is time for you to die!
JOHNNY jabs his pitchfork in the Flower Fuzzy, killing it.
Mario: JOHNNY, you idiot! I was going to threaten him to tell us who is making the sound.
JOHNNY: Sorry.
Admiral Bobbery: Hey Mario, how come you haven’t been acting like a moron as usual?
Mario: I’ve been taking anti-moron pills. I take one a week and I’m not stupid anymore.
Admiral Bobbery: Did you bring them with you?
Mario: Nope!
JOHNNY: I thought the pills made you smart?
Mario: Does not help common sense.
Admiral Bobbery: So if you don’t take one in, let’s see, three days you’ll be dumb again!
Mario: Yup!
JOHNNY: We need to find the nearest city and buy some pills.
Voice: Ooooooo!
Mario: The only way to get there or anywhere is to make our way through the woods.
Voice: Ooooooooooo!
Admiral Bobbery: Yeah, we can handle anything that comes our way!
So the three head into the woods, unsure of what dangers they might encounter.
Meanwhile in Alabama…
Nick Sabin: Why we here’s surrender.
Lemmy: I knew you would. This land now belongs to the Koopa Clan!
Koopa Clan in Alabama: Yeah!
Iggy: Now we have to fix up this place.
Nick Sabin: Why spare us all and we’s tell you guys a secret.
Lemmy: WHAT?
Nick Sabin: If you’s don’t control the gators they’a take over Bama.
Iggy: Thanks, we’ll keep you in a jail cell.
Iggy and Lemmy zap only Nick Sabin into the jail cell.
Mayor: What about us?!
Lemmy: He’s the only cool one. He coaches football, the best sport ever.
Nick Sabin: Why thank you.
Mayor: So what are you’s going to do about us?
Iggy: Maybe we can feed you to the gators.
Everyone in Alabama: NOOO!
Back on Plit…
Mario: You know, these woods aren’t so bad.
Admiral Bobbery: Yeah, maybe the only things in here were Flower Fuzzies.
JOHNNY: I wouldn’t be too sure, look!
Mario: It can’t be!
Bowyer: Yes, it’s me.
Mario: Bowyer, you’re talking normally.
Bowyer: I took English lessons for a while. But you poor, lost fools have wandered into MY woods.
Admiral Bobbery: Yeah, so?
Bowyer: So prepare for the worst thing ever!
A giant metal cage falls on the three.
JOHNNY: We’re trapped! No!
Mario: What are you going to do with us?
Bowyer: When my minion comes back with the laser, I’m going to kill you guys and feed you three to… the thing! Unless…
Admiral Bobbery: Unless what?!
Bowyer: Unless one of you guys thinks you can beat me at a game of poker, then maybe you can go free.
Mario and Admiral Bobbery look at JOHNNY.
JOHNNY: Oh yeah, I’m a master at poker!
Bowyer: I’ve won the national title the past three years.
JOHNNY: There’s a championship?
Bowyer: Well duh, how can you not know that? You call yourself a poker player? Yeah right.
JOHNNY: Gee, for a champion you’re all talk, but no walk.
Bowyer: Then let’s get started!
The poker starts. Bowyer bets four, then JOHNNY folds.
Bowyer: Wow!
Mario and Admiral Bobbery: JOHNNY!
JOHNNY: …
Then next hand, Bowyer raises it by six, and Johnny folds seven times in the row until he has one chip left.
JOHNNY: @#*^#*@@*^#*@#^*!
Bowyer: You really stink!
The next hand, Bowyer bets it all, and surprisingly JOHNNY doesn’t fold!
Bowyer: For once you stay in! I have three 9s, that will ensure your death and another victory for me.
JOHNNY: Maybe, but can you beat a strait?
Bowyer: NO! It’s can’t be, you beat me!
Mario and Admiral Bobbery: Yeah, now you have to let us go!
Bowyer: But… How? You were looking so bad.
JOHNNY: My strategy is to let the opponent think of what you have, and in the end you have what they don’t think you have.
Bowyer: Nice job, it’s a shame you have to die.
Mario, JOHNNY, and Admiral Bobbery: What?! You said you’d let us go!
Bowyer: Let you three go? Yeah right!
Mario: You double-
SLASH!
JOHNNY jabs his spear into Bowyer’s chest, killing him.
JOHNNY: Anyone else want some?
All the Flower Fuzzies run away.
Admiral Bobbery: JOHNNY, how could you?
JOHNNY: Nobody rips me off. He made a deal and he broke it, so he had to get something.
Mario: Let’s burry him before someone comes.
The three work quickly and dig his grave, then put his dismembered corpse in the hole.
Mario: We’re done. Let’s leave and find the nearest city.
Admiral Bobbery: Yeah, and buy some anti-moron pills.
JOHNNY: Uh, guys, who’s that?
Mario: Oh come on, you.
Mouser: Silence, fools! I am Mouser, king of the woods!
Admiral Bobbery: Bowyer said he ruled the woods!
Mouser: Yeah, well…
JOHNNY: Exactly.
Mouser: Hey, who’s got a laser? Not you, so in your face!
JOHNNY: We’ve got a spear, a bomb, and a plumber.
Mouser: More like a pathetic pirate with plastic toy, a washed up sea bomb who WON’T explode, and a fat, red, out of shape plumber.
Mario: Hey, I’m-a not fat… or red… or out of shape.
Admiral Bobbery: Uh, Mario, if you’re not red, what color is your shirt and hat?
Mario: Greeny!
Admiral Bobbery: Oh no, the moron pills are wearing off.
Mario: What?! Did I just have a moron minute?
JOHNNY: Yeah, we need to get to a city.
Mario: Right.
Admiral Bobbery: I think if we head north of here we should get to an area near Petalburg, based on the star pattern.
JOHNNY: I hope they have a shop that sells anti-moron pills.
Mario: Yeah.
Mouser: Hello, I’m still here, you know, the mouse who is going to kill you three.
Mario: Okeydokey!
Admiral Bobbery: Oh yeah, you’re still here.
Mouser: That does it, now face the wrath of my laser! But first a snack. Hmm, some cheese will do.
Mario: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!
Mario eats the cheese, and the laser.
Mouser: No, you moron!
Mario: It’s-a me, Mario.
JOHNNY: Now face the wrath of my spear!
Mouser: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Mouser flees the forest.
Admiral Bobbery: Mario, your stupidity saved us!
Mario: I was stupid?
JOHNNY: Curse those anti-moron pills.
Mario: Let’s go find a city to buy the pills.
Admiral Bobbery: Hey JOHNNY, you know how whenever Mario says dialogue, then I say some, then you say some that brings bad luck? Well let’s stop it.
JOHNNY: Like when?
Admiral Bobbery: When we got to the shoreline Mario talked, then I, then you, and we heard the strange voice. Also when we walked through the forest we said it might be safe, then you talked and we met Bowyer. Then before Mouser came the same thing happened.
JOHNNY: You’re right; it is a bad luck charm.
The three travelers wander through the woods for a couple of hours, and then come to a familiar area.
Mario: Are we where I think we are?
Admiral Bobbery: It might be.
Mario: But the woods…
JOHNNY: I don’t remember this area.
Mario: Bobbery and I were here during our hunt for the Crystal Stars.
Voice: HmmHmmHmm!
Admiral Bobbery: Is that the voice of Pa-Patch?
Mario: I don’t know, but let’s run ahead and see.
…
Pa-Patch: Mario, Bobbery, is that really you?
Mario: I know it’s been a while; we washed up somewhere and found our way through the woods here.
Pa-Patch: You survived Bowyer’s woods?
JOHNNY: Yes, I killed him.
Pa-Patch: That guy has been attacking our village everyday. So, what brought you out on the sea?
Admiral Bobbery: We went to search for Koops, who vanished in Petalburg Meadows.
Pa-Patch: You guys want a ride to Rogueport, right?
Mario: Yeah, does Cortez still give boat rides?
Pa-Patch: Yeah, he’ll be surprised to see you two.
JOHNNY: Three!
Pa-Patch: Woah, where did you come from?
JOHNNY: I’ve been here; I just haven’t had dialogue in ages.
Admiral Bobbery: You had dialogue; you’ve had like three quotes since we came out of the woods.
JOHNNY: You two have had, like, eight or nine.
Mario: See, you’re getting quotes in.
JOHNNY: Yeah, but so are you two.
Admiral Bobbery: Fine, we’ll let you have the next four quotes.
JOHNNY: Thanks. So let’s see, I have three quotes left.
…
JOHNNY: Now I have two.
…
JOHNNY: Now I have one.
…
JOHNNY: Now I have- Oh no, this is my last free quote. Bobbery, what’s my sentence limit?
Admiral Bobbery: You had unlimited sentence, but you have no more free quotes left. Now we are all even.
JOHNNY: Good, let’s go to Rogueport.
Pa-Patch: Yeah.
Mario: It’s-a me, Mario!
Admiral Bobbery: Does Rogueport sell anti-moron pills?
Pa-Patch: Yes, I think the hotel has a store in the basement that sells them.
Mario: Cheese!
Admiral Bobbery: Let’s go see Cortez.
Pa-Patch: Right.
Cortez: Is that really you two, Mario and Bobbery? How’s it going?
Admiral Bobbery: Good, except Mario needs to buy anti-moron pills in Rogueport.
Mario: I need pills?
Admiral Bobbery: He just snapped out of it for a little while.
Cortez: Then what are we waiting for? Let’s get a move on.
JOHNNY: Not so fast!
Cortez: Woah, when did the shark get here?
JOHNNY: I’ve been here the whole time! I haven’t had dialogue in fifteen sentences! Why am I all of a sudden ripped off on dialogue?
Admiral Bobbery: Well next time just say dialogue.
JOHNNY: Fine, I will!
Cortez: Let’s just set sail before it gets dark out!
The four get on the boat and go to sleep for the night. The next morning…
Pa-Patch: Land ho!
Cortez: Ok, we’re here.
Mario: Thanks for the ride.
Cortez: No biggy.
Admiral Bobbery: Should we visit Prof. Frankly and see if he knows anything?
Mario: Yeah, let’s go!
Pa-Patch and Cortez: Good luck!
The three tread up the stairs into Rogueport Central.
Admiral Bobbery: Mario, we’ve got to get to the hotel shop and buy those anti-moron pills.
Mario: Yes-a, yes-a!
JOHNNY: STOP! I haven’t had a quote in ten whole quotes!
Just then, the author zz1666 mysteriously appears.
zz: Will you ever stop complaining? You know, if you want dialogue, all you’ve got to do is talk. But for nagging about it, I’m not going to give you dialogue for the next twenty quotes!
zz1666 leaves.
Admiral Bobbery: To the hotel shop!
Mario: I got it!
At the shop…
Admiral Bobbery: Hello, we would like some anti-moron pills.
Clerk: Prescription name, please.
Admiral Bobbery: Uhh, Mario Mario?
Clerk: Here you go. Have a nice day, sir.
Admiral Bobbery: Ok, Mario, all you do is swallow one of these a day.
Mario: Cheese!
Admiral Bobbery shoves one down Mario’s throat.
Mario: Woah, when did we get here?
Admiral Bobbery: You’re anti-moron pills wore off, you were a complete moron.
Mario: Oh. I hope you got more of those pills.
Admiral Bobbery: You bet. Let’s go see Prof. Frankly.
At Prof. Frankly’s house…
Prof. Frankly: Come in!
Mario: Hey Prof, it’s us.
Prof. Frankly: Mario, Bobbery, long time no see. What brings you two back here?
Admiral Bobbery: We came to use the sewers to get to Petalburg and look for Koops.
Prof. Frankly: Ah, I’ve spent some time trying to solve the mystery; it’s a real tough one.
Mario: No background information?
Prof. Frankly: No, not at all.
Admiral Bobbery: Oh, that’s fine.
zz1666 appears.
zz: Ok, now you can talk, but don’t get pushy again.
zz1666 leaves.
JOHNNY: Yes, I won’t complain again, and I’ll start talking when I feel left out.
Mario: Good, because we’re leaving now for the sewers, and then Petalburg.
Admiral Bobbery: You coming, Prof?
Prof. Frankly: No, I got some stuff to do, but good luck!
The three start making their way into the sewers.
Prof. Frankly: Hmm, I feel like I’m forgetting something. Something important. Oh yeah, MARIO, BOBBERY, JOHNNY, DON’T GO IN THE SEWERS, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T GO IN THERE!
Underneath Rogueport…
Mario: Wow, these sewers sure are quiet.
JOHNNY: Yeah, isn’t the pipe to Petalburg straigt ahead?
Admiral Bobbery: Yeah, right Mario?
Mario: Yup, it is.
Voice: Who wants some?
Mario: Oh-
Admiral Bobbery: My-
JOHNNY: Gosh!
Voice: Well, if it isn’t Mario and Bobbery, and some shark pirate.
JOHNNY: I am JOHNNY, fear me!
Voice: Oh, look who you should fear.
Mario: Wait, who are you again?
Voice: How could you not remember me?
Admiral Bobbery: Sorry, never seen you.
Voice: Come on, I fought you two.
JOHNNY: Nope, never seen you.
Voice: You weren’t even there when Mario and Bobbery saw me. I’ll give you a hint, you fought me near here.
Mario: Sorry, doesn’t ring a bell.
JOHNNY: This does!
JOHNNY randomly rings a bell.
Mario: What was that for?
JOHNNY: I don’t know, felt like it.
Voice: I’m waiting.
Admiral Bobbery: I give up, who are you?
Voice: I am Gus, one of those forgotten Paper Mario characters. I fought you at the top of here, I guarded East Rogueport.
Mario: I’m sorry, I never fought a goose.
Gus: It’s Gus!
Admiral Bobbery: I still don’t remember a Gus.
Gus: For forgetting me, you fools must die! I know you’re quivering in fear, you said “OH MY GOSH” when you saw me!
JOHNNY: No, actually we said that because we just saw the smallest Spinia.
Spinia: Hey, I may be small, but I’m a giant in my heart!
Gus: For that, you three must die a quick but painful death.
Mario: I’ll handle this.
Mario walks up to Gus and taps him on the shoulder.
Gus: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Gus goes flying into the wall, and gets stuck in it.
Admiral Bobber: Well that was easy, let’s go to Petalburg.
The three go through the pipe into Petalburg. At the other end of the pipe…
Mario: We’re here.
JOHNNY: Boy, it’s cold here.
Admiral Bobbery: Snow, in Petalburg?
Mario: Is this even Petalburg?
Admiral Bobbery: Yes, I see Hooktail’s Castle.
JOHNNY: We must find shelter; it’s dark, cold, and icy.
Mario: I see a small cave, let’s sleep there and continue in the morning.
Will the three find Koops? Why is it snowy and cold in Petalburg? Will they make it to Petalburg… alive? Find out next time.