Napkin Mario

By ducky.10

All right, I found my sock, so that answers that question. Anyway, it's time for... PART 2!!! WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!! OH MY DAD!!! Well, let's get on with it then.

Chapter 6: Me no likey escaping!

Mario: Hmm, so, how do we get past those spinny guys?

Bow: I have to turn you invisible. STUPID!

Mario: Shut up. I don't have all day.

Bow turns Mario invisible and leads him past the spinny guys.

Bow: You're welcome!

They walk/float upstairs. They find an abnormally large table and chair. Atop the table lies a Star Piece.

Mario: I might sell that for Shrooms.

Mario takes the Star Piece and runs into another room. There sits a Clubba, asleep.

Mario: (whispering) Shh, keep your voice down, Bow... Bow?


Mario: Gah!

The Clubba awakes.

Clubba: DIE!!!

Mario: WHO LET YOU OUT OF MY POCKET?! Well, I'll have to fight this dude.


HP: 5
Attack: 2

HP: 30
Attack: 7

Mario: Hammer!

HP: 3
Attack: 2

Clubba: Club!

Mario: No kidding...

HP: 28
Attack: 7

Mario: Jump!

HP: 0


Mario: That was easy.

Mario and Goombario (Ugh!) leave the room, entering another. They must go downstairs.

Mario: Well, let's go.


Mario is startled by this and makes his way down the stairs... on his head. Well, he fell.

Mario: Ow! NO! Eep! @#$%!!! AAAUUUGGH!!! *Thud*

Goombario follows after him, but remembering he praises Mario, he also falls down the stairs, in the fashion that Mario did. They land beside each other. Mario whistles, and Goombario is sucked into Mario's pocket. Bow comes out.

Mario: Much better.

Mario gets up slowly and limps his way over a nearby chest. He opens it, revealing a clover-key.


Mario: Hm, I wonder if it has anything to do with Cloverfield...

Bow pulls out a Nintendo Power walkthrough of Paper Mario.

Bow: According to the map of Tubba Blubba's castle, we now have to go back upstairs.

Mario: WHERE WE CAME FROM?! After I fell to my utter demise?

Bow: If it was to your utter demise, you'd be dead.

Mario: SHUT UP! Fine, I'll go...

Mario slowly makes his way up the stairs and happens upon a crack in the wall.

Mario: Ooh! A crack. You know what that means, Bombette...

Bombette: No, no, NO!!!

Mario lights her fuse and caber-tosses her into the crack, which causes an explosion, revealing a secret room!

Mario: Goodie, goodie.

They enter the room, and find another badge.

Mario: EWW! It's PURPLE!

Bombette: YAY! It's PURPLE!

Mario: Shut up.


Mario: What's D?

Nothing. Anyway, they make their way out of the secret room and into the hallway, and into another room, which is festooned with retracting spikes.

Mario: Jump!

Mario jumps directly on a spike, which buries into his rear.

Mario: AUGH!!!

HP: 23

Parakarry pops out.

Parakarry: Mario? Are you all right? (Hopefully not.)

Mario: Actually, no, I'm not.

Parakarry: (YES!)

Mario: Which is why I'm going to get you to carry me across the spikes.

Parakarry: And if I refuse?

Mario: Well, you don't wanna know. Just do it!

Parakarry: Fine...

Parakarry lifts Mario across the spikes and to the other side, where there so happens to be a chest. Mario opens it.


Mario: Hooray. Now let's get out of here.

They exit the room and return to the hallway, where Tubba Blubba just happens to be walking along.

Tubba Blubba: Howdy!

Mario: Eep! Outta Sight!

Bow pops out and makes Mario invisible.

Tubba Blubba: Aww, I wanted to play Uno!

With Luigi...

Luigi: I'm scared! We're stuck in Peach's Castle, which has been overthrown by Bowser!

Goombigi: (whispering) Shh! They might hear us!

Luigi and Goombigi are hiding under a table, which is just barely covered by a blanket. A Koopatrol walks up to it with another.

Koopatrol 1: Did you hear? Bowser lost his diary.

Koopatrol 2: Well, it just might be under this table!

Luigi: (whispering) Oh, no...

Koopatrol: 1: Did you hear something?

Koopatrol 2: Yeah, sorry.

Koopatrol 1: Sorry? What do you- *sniff, sniff* OH, DUDE! That's sick!

Koopatrol 2: Ha ha, the wonders breakfast burritos can do.

Koopatrol 1: No... *cough, cough* Seriously! *cough, cough* I CAN'T BREATHE!

Koopatrol 2: Oh come on now, it can't be that bad.

Koopatrol 1 falls on the ground, unconscious. Koopatrol 2 fall on his knees beside him.


Luigi and Goombigi run out from under the table and into Peach's room.

Luigi: Cheese it!

Back with Mario...

Mario: Is he gone?

Bow: Yup.

Mario: Good, let's keep going.

Chapter 7: Let's beat the fatso!

Mario and Bow exit the room, finding themselves in another hallway. This one has a clock.

Bow: You can move that, revealing a secret room.

Mario: How did you figure that out?

Bow: Um, HELLO? Nintendo Power!

Mario pushes it out of the way, and steps inside what appears to be a bedroom.

Mario: Wow! That's one big bed!

Bow pushes open the bottom drawer, and fishes out a 2-meter long pair of boxers.

Mario: Wow... Well, I didn't need to see that.

Bow: I did. ^_^

Mario: Hm, you sure are creepy. Into my pocket you go! *whistles*

Bow: NO!

Bow is sucked into Mario's pocket. Out comes Parakarry.

Parakarry: What do you want-ARGH!!!

Mario grabs onto Parakarry's arms.

Mario: Fly!

Parakarry: Absolutely not!

Mario: Well, then, I'll just tear your arms off.

Parakarry: Eep! Okay!

Parakarry flies Mario over to a shelf, where they find yet another secret room.

Parakarry: HAPPY?!

Mario: Nope. I'll only be happy when you're dead.

Parakarry: ...

Mario whistles.

Parakarry: ARGH!

Parakarry is sucked into Mario's pocket. Out comes Bow. They continue until they find another badge.


Mario: Hm, cool.

Mario leaves the secret room and continues down the hallway until he finds some stairs. He then takes them upstairs, where there is a big door. They enter, and see Tubba Blubba again.

Tubba Blubba: UNO TIME!

Mario: NO!

They turn invisible.

Tubba Blubba: Aww...

He walks past them without even knowing. They reappear and enter another room, festooned with sleeping Clubbas.

Mario: (whispering) Oh, shoot... Goombario, if you pop out of my pocket one more time, I'm gonna kill you...

Parakarry grins. He then pops out, busts out his boom box, and breaks into song.


Every single Clubba awakes and glares at the two.

Mario: Parakarry, I hope you know a good dentist...

Suddenly, every single Clubba begins dancing with Parakarry, busting some fresh dance moves. As the Clubbas are dancing, they exit the room.

Mario: I can't believe I'm saying this, but...

Parakarry: Go on, say it. I'm a genius.

Mario: No, it's not that. I was going to say that-

Parakarry: That I'm cool?

Mario: No, it's-

Parakarry: That I'm your favorite mailman?

Mario: No, it's-

Parakarry: I know! It's-

Mario: NO!!! I meant that you could have got us killed with that "fresh dancing" of yours! Oh, and you're not my favorite mailman, you're actually my least. Even BOWSER was a better mailman than you! Just shut up and stay in my pocket. *whistles*

Parakarry: I'm the best and you know it!

Parakarry is yet again sucked into the pocket of Mario. Mario leaves into the next room, where there is another chest.

Mario: (Please let it be money, please let it money, DAD, PLEASE let it be money!)

Mario opens it and finds a floating key.


Key: No! I am nice! And, I like faking enthusiasm as much as any character in the script! That's what makes me so special...

Mario: Yeah, that's great and all, but we're looking for a Star Spirit, so... See ya.

Key: NO! Wait, I know where you can find it. It's in the windmill, which you need me to unlock.

Mario: Well, let's go.

Key: Oh, and FYI, you smell and you're fat and you're a big, fat, doody-head!

Mario: Oh, really. I hope you don't mind, but, shut up. Or else...

Key: Or else what?

Mario: I'll shove you down my pants.

Key: NO!!! THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME FAR TOO MANY TIMES!!! Okay, I'll be good...

They are about to leave, however, Tubba Blubba appears.

Tubba Blubba: MWA, HA, HA, HA!!! I HAVE YOU NOW!!! You are my new best friends! We will play Uno FOREVER!!!

Mario: You'll never take me alive! As long as I have this, you'll never catch me!

Mario whips out the remote and fast forwards until he reaches the exit. They make it out just in time, seeing as the Boos are setting fire to the place.

Mario: I thought you were supposed to just hold the door closed.

Boo: Yeah, but we're all pyros, and we liked this idea better.

Bow: Rock on!

Mario: Yeah, yeah, whatever. As long as fatty's stuck in there, I'll be fine.

Mario goes up to the windmill. He uses the key to open it. The door swings open. Inside the windmill is a wooden well.

Mario: ... That's it? Where's the Star Spirit?

Key: Oh! Err, um... He's, uh, down there!

Mario: Hm, okay.

Mario jumps into the well and finds Tubba Blubba's Heart.

Heart: MWA, HA, HA, HA!!! DIE!!!

Mario: HEY! You lied!

Key: Ha ha, so I did!

Mario: Down my pants you go!

Mario shoves the key down his overalls.

Key: Noooo!


HP: 30
Attack: 9

HP: 30
Attack: 7

Mario: Hammer!

HP: 25
Attack: 9

Heart: Blood Cell!

Mario: That's graphic!

HP: 28
Attack: 7

Mario: I think I'll use the D-Down Jump Badge...

Mario has equipped the D-Down Jump Badge!

Mario: Oh, I get what D is!

Mario pulls out his N64 controller and jumps on the Heart numerous times.

HP: 10
Attack: 5
The Heart's attack has dropped!

Heart: Grr... Blood Cell!

HP: 28
Attack: 7
No effect.

Mario: Jump!

HP: 0


Mario jumps back up the well and exits the windmill, only to find Tubba Blubba, holding his heart.

Mario: Now, THAT is graphic!

Tubba Blubba: Yay! I found my heart!

Tubba Blubba eats it.

Tubba Blubba: Yay! I found my friends! Let's go inside and play Uno!

Mario: Neverrrrr!

Mario pulls the key out of his overalls and whips it into Tubba Blubba's mouth. He chokes and dies. However, before he falls over, he relinquishes every single Boo he has eaten... in a very messy way.

Mario: Gross!

Bow: Eww!

Skolar: Sickening!

Mario: Wait... Who said that?

Skolar: I did.

Mario: Oh, the Star Spirit. Well, I got you. What can you do?

Skolar: I can make meteors crash down on enemies. Oh! I forgot to mention-

Mario: You're faking enthusiasm?

Skolar: Yes, but that's not what I'm trying to tell you. You can use us in battle.

Mario: I don't care, it's bad enough having... *ahem* Goombario... as a party member.

Skolar: Indeed, Goombario is quite the annoying one, yes?

Mario: Yes. Now let's go.

0mG 3nD 0f P4rt 2! WOW, talking l33t sure is fun. Now, it's time to mindlessly spam questions! Is Peach okay? What about Luigi and Goombigi? Why was Tubba Blubba so freakin' obsessed with Uno? Do you like Uno? Because I do. Now, it's time for the last statement...

READ ON... ZOMG!!!!!!111one

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