And we start off where we so abruptly halted...
Mario: Why I oughta...
Suddenly, everything begins shaking like Luigi in a barrel of sugar.
Mario: Holy shrooms! Everything is shakin' like mad!
Kolorado: Ack! Everything is shaking!
Misstar: Yeah, like I've been saying all along!
Mario: You haven't said anything all this time.
Misstar: Like, OMIGOSH, why are you so dumb?
Mario: Ugh. I don't have time to deal with the likes of you. I wanna go home and watch CSI: Miami! But I have to do this stupid adventure. T_T
Kolorado: EVERYTHING'S STILL SHAKING! YOU GUYS ARE HORRIBLE!
Mario: Kolorado, how many times have I told you NOT TO YELL?!
Mario: WELL, I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, SHUT-
KABOOM!!! Goes Lavalava. All the other characters are blown all the way back to the Toad Town docks, while Jr. Troopa is left on the island, where he was awaiting them to cross paths.
Jr. Troopa: Aw, fudgecicles...
Chapter 12: The Deku Tree's Cloudy Land!
Kolorado, Mario, and Misstar land harshly on the dock of Toad Town.
Mario: Ugh... My head...
Kolorado: Ugh... My shell...
Misstar: Ugh... My nails...
Kolorado rushes ahead and leaves Mario in the dust.
Mario: Where's he going?
Bow: According to Nintendo Power, he's heading down Pleasant Path.
Mario: Hm, let's follow him.
They do so. Once they begin heading down Pleasant Path, Kolorado is seen being brutally and messily pummeled by Kent C. Koopa.
Kent C. Koopa: Ha! Take that! That's what you get for stomping on my shell!
Kolorado: You call that garbage can lid a shell?! That's not a shell! It's a LIE!!!
Kent C. Koopa: DIE!
Kent C. Koopa boots Kolorado 500 feet up into the clouds. His screams trail off and he doesn't seem to fall back down, eliminating the theory "What goes up must come down."
Mario: Well, you did half the work for me, Kent C. Koopa. One thing, though. Kinda angle your foot so it hits right near the temple, thus rendering said victim unconscious.
Kent C. Koopa: Who are you?
Mario: Your mom's new boyfriend.
Kent C. Koopa runs away crying.
Bow: You're so cruel.
Bow: ... And you’re fat?
Bow: Aaaaannd you're... um... stupid?
Mario: Well, that's it for me. Let's continue.
Mario and Bow come across a pipe.
Bow: Well, lookie here! A pipe!
Mario: Thanks, eagle eye.
Bow: According once again to both stereotypes and Nintendo Power, this leads into the Toad Town Sewers.
Mario: Ugh! Why must we keep going down there?! I'm tired of sloshing through some Fungus's filth! Can't we have a raft?
Bow: Mario, it's not THAT type of sewer. It's actually much cleaner and nicer.
Mario: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. Pfft. And maybe, just maybe, there will be waiters- no, better yet- DOG waiters, that will tend to my every whim and obey me FOREVER! How about that?
Bow: You'll see.
Mario: I'm telling you, this is all a big chunk of-
Bow pushes Mario into the pipe, ending up in a posh altar inhabited by the DOG waiters Mario described a second ago.
Mario: ... Nonsense?
Dog Waiter: Good evening, sir. May I interest you in this odd key?
The Dog Waiter hands out the odd key.
Bow: We need that.
Mario: What's so odd about it? It just looks like an ordinary key!
Dog Waiter: It smells rather peculiar.
Mario sniffs the key.
Mario: Hmm, smells like buffalo wings and melted plastic. I like it. Gimme!
YOU GOT THE ODD KEY!!! WHICH ISN'T REALLY THAT ODD!!!
Mario: Well, at least someone agrees with me.
They exit another pipe and end up in an odd house. Funny. Odd house, odd key. Hehe.
Mario: Shut up.
Fine. Anyway, they unlock and end up right back in Toad Town.
Mario: ... WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAAAAT?
Bow: I... don't know.
Suddenly, a door randomly appears over in a flower grove.
Mario: COOLIO! Defying logic!
Bow: Yeah... :S
Mario enters the door and appears in a mystical, wonderful, cloudy, happy, delightful, fun land of fun-ness!
Mario: Wow, this place sure is cool.
Mario turns around and lays eyes on someone familiar.
Mario: OMG! The Deku Tree! Can I have your autograph?
Deku Tree: Indeed. Come hither and give head.
Mario: ... What?
Deku Tree: This I feared. Understand my language, you do not, yes?
Deku Tree: Mookoo licka duku maga gag hutu jaga java hooboo bleebah?
Bow: You understood him?!
Mario: Yup! He said "Can you, Mario, the great dancer, the handsome plumber, defeat the ugly cloud behemoth that has threatened our land?"
Bow: It baffles me how such gibberish could mean such a well-scripted sentence.
Mario: You. Pocket. NOW!!!
Bow dashes into Mario's pocket in a blur. After that, Mario heads to the east of Flower Fields, and the new chapter begins...
HELLO! THE NEW CHAPTER BEGINS!
OOPS! Sorry. Anyway, Chapter 13: Feeding Flowers Is Annoying!
Mario heads off to the east, where he sees an ugly purple flower.
Petunia: I'm not ugly! You're ugly!
Petunia: Anyway, fat red dude! Get those Monty Moles out of my garden!
Mario: Why should we?!
Petunia: *sigh* I could give you some Shrooms...
Mario's eyes widen and he pulls out his hammer.
Mario: FEEL MY WRATH, MONTY MOLE SCUM!!!
Mario leaps past Petunia and into the garden, smashing all Moles in his path.
Mario: Okay! I slaughtered them all. NOW GIMME SHROOMS!
Petunia: Yay! You saved my garden, fat red dude! Here's some Shrooms.
YOU GOT SHROOMS!!!
Mario: I SURE DID!!! :D
Petunia: Also, a bonus!
Petunia hands Mario a bean.
Mario: What am I supposed to do with a bea-
Petunia: Shh! Don't say it!
Mario: Why? Why can't I say bean?
Petunia: D'oh, now you've done it!
Fawful suddenly falls from the sky.
Fawful: Someone said "bean", YES?
Mario: Say that I did not, so off you go, yes!
Fawful: Agugu agah muphible ga hoozit?
Mario: MOU! MOU!
Fawful jumps away.
Petunia: ... WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!
Mario hammers a tree and it falls and crushes Petunia.
Mario: Hey, I found cherries!
YOU FOUND CHERRIES!!!
Mario goes south and finds a red flower guarding a gate.
Red Flower: Gimme food and I'll let you pass!
Mario: Ugh. How ‘bout some cherries?
The red flower eats the cherries and vomits.
Red Flower: EWWWW!!! Gimme something good because I want something yummy that is delectable and delicious and yummy in my tummy that makes me feel like there's ants in my pants that make me dance all the way to-
Mario stuffs Shrooms in the flower's mouth.
Red Flower: ... France. Mmm... Go right ahead, ma'am.
Mario jumps over the gate and continues his journey.
Mario: Wow, what do you know? Another problem that has been solved by Shrooms.
Bow: That's not-
Mario: GUGLEH OOGOO HEEPAH!
Bow: I don't know what you said, but I'm just gonna crawl back into your pocket now.
Mario continues and finds another tree. He hits it, and Yellow Berries fall out.
YOU GOT YELLOW BERRIES!!!
Mario: Happy faaaace.
Mario continues off to the left and happens upon another flower.
Posie: Take this!
YOU GOT FERTILE SOIL!!!
Mario: W00t. Free item FTW.
Posie: You're welcome.
Mario: LICKA THUM BABA HOOGLUGA!
Posie: Oh yeah?! Hargluh mah gugaga faba boop!
Mario: Gahaba gag.
Posie begins to cry.
Mario: Hmm, I haven't heard from Sushi in a while, surprisingly. Let's check on him.
Mario whistles and every single party member he has leaps from his pocket... except Sushi. Kooper and Bombette have red stains on their faces and Parakarry is shaking.
Mario: Parakarry... Did... Did they-
Parakarry: YES!!! *sob* They cannibalized Sushi!
Kooper: What? You never gave us any food for two whole chapters! Besides, he wouldn't shut up! He had to be eaten, we all would've died in there! It smelt like rotten eggs.
Mario: Oh, sorry.
Goombario: HE TASTED RLY GEWD.
Kooper: You're right. *burp*
Watt: THE AUTHOR FORGOT ABOUT ME. :(
Mario: All of you get back in my pocket or I'll eat you.
Kooper: He's bluffing!
Mario eats Bombette whole.
Mario: Anyone else?
Every member leaps back into Mario's pocket. Now it's time for a Peach INTERMISSION!!!
Peach: So, what are we gonna do now?
Luigi: Well, I could lift weights and try to impress you.
Peach: Go ahead.
Peach hands him 2 dumbbells.
Luigi: Piece of cake.
Luigi tries to lift them, but is unable to because he's skinny and weak and wimpy.
Luigi: I feel sad.
Toad: *munch munch*
Goombigi: HEY! You said you didn't have any more chocolate bars! YOU MUST DIE!!!
Goombigi turns into Shoop Da Whoop and blasts Toad out of the castle. Bowser barges in the room.
Bowser: WOAH! How did you fatties get in here? You're supposed to be imprisoned!
Peach: You're calling us fat? You're the one who broke the Wii Fitness Board!
Bowser: SHUT UP! It was an accident! Besides, I got a new one! It's made of TITANIUM!
Peach: That's astonishing.
Bowser: NOW GET BACK IN PRISON!
Bowser grabs them and throws them into the imprisonment room.
Back with Mario...
Mario: Oh, look. A Yellow Flower.
Yellow Flower: In order to pass this well-crafted gate, you must give me something delectable.
Yellow Flower: I am allergic to such food-
Mario stuffs Shrooms into the flowers mouth and he explodes, opening the gate.
Mario comes across a gorge filled with spiky roots.
Mario: Eugh. This isn't what I expected. Now, where's Parakarry...
Mario looks into his pocket with a surprised look.
Mario: Did you eat Parakarry too?!
Kooper: Hey, it's eat or be eaten!
Mario: What is WITH you guys?! Can't we just order take-out? Just STOP EATING EACH OTHER!
Kooper: It's really hard to!
Mario: Googoh Mahaba hoozichael!
Mario: ULGHAMA GAG!
Kooper: Yutoppish huggamum.
Mario: Gosh, what could get any worse?!
Suddenly, a bridge appears over the gorge.
Mario: That's not worse. YAY FOR ME!!!
Mario crosses it.
Mario: I can tell that this is gonna be a LONG, AGONIZING chapter, so I'm just gonna go ahead and fast forward.
Mario fast forwards. The new chapter begins (DON'T BE LATE THIS TIME!)
I'm not! Chapter 14: The Cloudy Monster-Man-Guy-Thing-Dude-Kid!
Mario somehow appears with the Great Deku Tree again and a vine rises from the ground and into the sky.
Mario: I'm gonna be just like Jack and The Beanstalk!
Fawful: DID SOMEONE SAY-
Deku Tree: Thou must climber this rope hither. Take heed, and climb.
Deku Tree: Huku lagaga bananzull hupunzel.
Mario: Elk meesh nuhlub!
Mario climbs the rope and a Lakitu pops out of his pocket.
Mario: AAAAAAAH!!! An enemy!
Lakiester: No! I'm your new party member! Don't kill me!
Mario: Okay, I'll just severely injure you!
Mario beats the living hoo-ha out of Lakiester and shoves him in his pocket.
Mario: Violence solves everything. :)
Mario finds Huff N. Puff.
Huff N. Puff: HA HA HA!!! I am evil and stuff!
Mario: Take this, foul beast.
Mario takes out trading cards.
Huff N. Puff: Huh? What's this?
Mario: We're going to battle with my Catch Cards!
Huff N. Puff: SCHWEET! I'll invite my friend Francis over!
Mario: No, don't. Met him. He's annoying.
Huff N. Puff: Okayz, then let's D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!
They begin playing for an hour or two until...
Mario: I summon the Shadow Queen!
Huff N. Puff: NOOOO! I lost!
Mario: Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. You? You should have summoned your Grodus card. You would've won. Since you did so well, I'm giving you my Bowser card.
Huff N. Puff: OHMYGODZREALLYKEWL!
Mario hands him the card.
Bow: Wow. For once, Mario, you've been a good influence.
Mario (to Bow): It's a fake card.
Mario: Let's get outta here.
Bow: Right behind you.
Klevar: Go away! I'm allergic to stupidness!
Mario: Oh, look. The Star Spirit. Now we can go home.
Bow: Actually, there's one more.
Mario: THERE IS?!
Klevar: Yes! Now hurry up and rescue her so we can get out of here!
Mario: Hmm. If it's the last world, it's bound to be dangerous. I guess it's time to have a WORKOUT MONTAGE!!!
Mario is lifting weights in a nearby gym. He then begins doing crunches, push-ups and sit-ups like mad, and he doesn't even seem to be breaking a sweat. He then is running up a snowy hill and into the horizon. Once he reaches the top, in a climatic end to this wonderful montage, he yells...
Bow: That was epic.
Mario: It sure was! Now there's only one thing left to do.
Bow: What's that?
Mario: LEAVE THE READER HANGING IN SUSPENSE!!!
Mario pulls down a curtain labeled "To Be Continued..."