Chapter 3: Yay! Let’s fight a giant purple bomb thing!
Larry: I have a bad feeling about this…
Shy Ranger: Can we just go already?!
They enter Moleville.
Mole: Welcome to-
Larry takes out a pistol and shoots the mole.
Larry: Freaking NPC…
Shy Ranger: O.O
Larry: All right, the next Star is in the cave.
They enter the cave.
Man Mole #1: Did you come for the Star?
Mole#2: Hey, why am I just “Mole” while the other guy is Man Mole?
Because, now shut up.
Mole#2: Here, the Gorons will make a path.
The rocks blocking the path that I never mentioned turn out to be Gorons, and they get out of the way.
Larry: Why were they there?
Mole#2: Well- You see- Er… RUN FOR IT!!!
The Moles and Gorons run away anime-style.
Larry: …
They enter the cave.
Larry: I’m scared of the dark!
Shy Ranger: It’s… not dark…
Larry: I know.
Shy Ranger: -_-
Toad: Hello, I’m here looking for treasures.
Shy Ranger stabs the mushroom part of his head with a knife .
Toad: … Jerk! *dies*
They continue on until they see a spring.
Larry: SPRING!
Shy Ranger: Larry, I think-
Larry grabs Shy Ranger and hops onto
the spring, which makes them hit the ceiling and knocks them
out.
Shy Ranger: You… idiot…
Croco: HA! That’ll show you! Hmmm… I wonder if they have anything worth taking…
He takes out a gooey bomb, a smart bomb, an eye patch, a beam sword, a home run bat, a dagger, a grenade, a carton of milk, the Bunny Hood, Megaton Hammer, Star Fox’s gun, three Master Swords, and a penny from Larry’s shell.
Croco: Wow, this kid is loaded…
Larry: ZzzzZzz… That’s MY pizza…
He punches the air randomly and happens to hit Croco.
Croco: My nose!
Larry: … Huh?
Larry starts waking up.
Croco: %^$$! Gotta run!
He runs semi-fast because of all the rocks on the floor.
Croco: Darn it! *steps* Ow! *steps* Ow! *steps* Ow!
Shy Ranger wakes up.
Shy Ranger: LARRY!!! That guy with the purple skin stole your weapons!
Larry: Five more minutes, Mommy… I mean Daddy…
Shy Ranger stomps on his head, which wakes him.
Larry: What?!
Shy Ranger: That guy’s stealing your weapons!
Larry: No matter… I have my most powerful weapon!
He starts gagging.
Shy Ranger: What the?
Larry spits out a Smash Ball and breaks it.
Larry: Shadow Claw!
Croco: Oh crud!
Everything goes dark and the sound of a claw going through someone’s chest is heard, and when the lights go back on Croco is gone but the stuff isn’t.
Shy Ranger: Holy Monty Moles! Where’s that crocodile?
Larry: I sent him flying with my home run bat.
They keep going until they meet a purple guy with Bob-ombs.
Punchinello: Hello, I’m Nello, Punchinello!
Larry: That’s nice NOW DIE!
He socks Punchinello in the face to no effect.
Shy Ranger: Let me do this…
He lunges at Punchinello but he spins and sends Shy Ranger flying into Larry.
Larry: That’s it!
He takes out a Master Sword.
Larry: You will die!
He slashes Punchinello but the sword breaks, making Larry’s eyes stretch forward in surprise.
Shy Ranger: This is madness!
Larry: THIS IS SPARTAAAAA!
Punchinello: …
He tosses some Micro Bombs at Larry’s feet
Punchinello: DANCE, TURTLE BOY! DANCE!!!
Larry: SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: SUPER DINOSAUR KICK!
Larry gets in a really cheesy dino outfit and jumps on a rope that suddenly appears in the air like a tightrope, then jumps off and kicks Punchinello in the face.
Punchinello: Gah!
Larry: YOU SMELL LIKE FISH!
He throws Shy Ranger at him.
Larry: That’s what he said!!!
Shy Ranger: WHAT?!
Shy Ranger hits Punchinello’s legs and trips him.
Larry: Besides that NPC it’s been a while since I killed anything with flesh… YOU WANNA WATCH?!
Shy Ranger: N-no…
He runs into the next room.
Punchinello: W-what are you gonna do to me?
Larry: KILL!!!
He lunges at Punchinello and… Oh God! Eew! That is not right! What did he just tear out?! Larry! He’s not moving anymore!
Larry: Sorry, I guess I got carried away…
He grabs the orange Star piece…
Meanwhile…
Hooded Figure: DARN IT!
The figure presses a button on a speaker.
Hooded Figure: All right, send THEM in…
Back to our villains…
Larry: All right, let’s go!
Shy Ranger: What’d you do to that guy?
Larry: You don’t wanna know.
They leave the Mines.
Larry: One more thing…
He starts setting everything on fire.
Larry: Let’s go!
Inside one of the houses…
Kid Mole: Mommy, I smell smoke…
Mom Mole: Quit complaining!
Still no questions…
Chapter 4: A new partner…and a wedding!
Larry: Where to now?
Shy Ranger: Let’s try that tower.
Larry: That’s stupid. Let’s try that tower!
Shy Ranger: …
They head over to it.
Lakitu: Die!
Larry throws a rock at him and he falls off his cloud.
Lakitu: ^&%^!
Larry: So I’m getting a new partner, that last one was a real letdown.
Shy Ranger: I was the last partner!
Larry: Exactly.
Shy Ranger: …
They make it to the tower.
Sign: Welcome to Booster’s Tower!
Shy Ranger: Did that sign just talk?
Sign: Uhhh… RUN!
It somehow grows legs and runs off.
Both: …
Peach: I heard voices. HELLO?! ANYONE DOWN THERE?!
Larry: The princess is here. I’ll kidnap her and take her to King D- Oh wait, he’s missing… Oh well.
Shy Ranger: You’re an idiot, you know that right?
Larry: Let’s just go.
He takes out an axe and chops a hole in the door.
Larry: HEEEEEEEEEERE’S JOHNNY!!!
Snifit #1: I’ll kill you!
He starts sissy-slapping Larry and Shy Ranger.
Larry: … Die!
He tosses Snifit #1 into the distance.
Spookums: RUN!
They run.
Larry: This is boring…
They continue on until a weirdo on a train appears.
Booster: Hello, welcome to Booster’s Tower! I would normally entertain you but a princess fell from the sky… SEE YA!
He starts riding away and Larry hits him in the back of the head with a tomato.
Booster: Ow!
Larry and Shy Ranger go the other way until they find a curtain.
Larry: Let’s see what’s behind it.
They do and come out looking like they would if they appeared in Super Mario Bros.
Both: O.o
They turn back to normal and continue until they’re at the top.
Larry: There’s the balcony door!
He tries to open it but it’s locked.
Booster: Let’s go to the balcony!
Shy Ranger: He’s coming!
They hide behind the curtain.
Booster: Where’s my Mario dolly? I need it or I’ll have nightmares!
Snifit #2: Maybe it’s behind one of those curtains.
Booster: Go check!
Snifit #2 looks behind an empty one and #3 opens the one Larry’s behind but just gets punched in the face.
#3: Ow, there’s a mean fist behind this one!
Booster: Who cares? I’m going to get married now.
They go into the balcony.
Shy Ranger: This chapter stinks so far!
They go onto the balcony but Grate Guy and Knife Guy appear.
KG: You’ll die!
Larry: Uhhh… We’re not here?
GG: Ok.
Both: (Morons.)
They hop off the balcony and go to Booster’s Hill.
Peach: Save me, whatsyourname!
Booster: Stop kidding, future bride!
Peach: I don’t want to marry you!
Shy Ranger: Let’s chase them with this motorcycle acting as a plot hole!
Larry: I don’t know, the last time I rode a motorcycle…
Flashback!
Ghost Rider parks his motorcycle.
Ghost Rider: Man, I gotta go!
He goes into the bathroom and Larry pops outta nowhere.
Larry: Cool!
He gets on and his head turns into a flaming skull!
Larry: AAAAAHHHHH!!!
End of Flashback!
Larry: Oh well.
They get on (Shy Ranger has to ride in the sidecar) and start chasing Booster.
Booster: Hahahahaahaha!
He throws a burrito and it hits Shy Ranger, and the sidecar snaps off and rolls down the hill.
Shy Ranger: AAAAHHHHHH!!!
Nelson: Haw haw!
Larry runs him over and makes it to the top of the hill.
Larry: Marrymore, huh?
Shy Ranger, who is all beaten up, crawls to the top.
Shy Ranger: You left me!
Larry (surrounded by anime fire): Quit your crying! We’re here!
Shy Ranger: O.o
They walk into the town.
Larry: Where to look…
Shy Ranger: How about the church?
Larry: Whatever. I just need the princess!
They enter the church.
Snifit #2: Hey! You’re not allowed in here! Besides, Snifit #1 was my father!
Larry: FOOL! I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate!
Snifit #2: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Larry tosses him out the window.
Larry: AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!!!
#3 comes out.
Numbuh Three: You mean me?
Larry: NO!
Father: WHERE IS MY PIPE?!
Numbuh Three: Uh oh!
She runs away while Father chases her.
Larry: …
Shy Ranger: ANYWAY!
Oh, right… So SNIFIT #3 comes out.
Snifit #3: Why was I only called #3 before?
Because.
Snifit #3: But-
Shy Ranger: Die!
He shoots a laser out of his wrist that destroys Snifit #3.
Larry: Let’s go!
They break down the door.
Booster: Gwah!
Princess: Help me, mystery man!
Larry: Grrr!
Booster charges at Larry and slams him into a candle stand-thing.
Larry: SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: PREVIOUSLY USED TEABAG ATTACK!
Larry takes out used teabags and starts throwing them at Booster, and it surprisingly does great damage.
Booster: Gah!
He tries to punch Larry but he puts Shy Ranger in the way.
Shy Ranger: AAAHHH!
Larry: Ha! That was weak! *punch* My grandma can hit harder! *punch* Nah nah! *punch*
Larry then throws Shy Ranger at Booster.
Booster: Stop it! I have no time for this!
He walks up to the stand and then Torte and Apprentice come in with a cake.
Torte: Ze cake is ready!
Apprentice: Where is the bride?
Peach: I’M NOT HIS BRIDE!!!
Torte: ZERE’S NO VEDDING?!
Apprentice: I BET IT’S *points to Larry and Shy Ranger* THEIR FAULT!!!
Booster: Me wanna fight too!
Both: D’oh!
Homer: D’oh!
Torte: CHEF PUNCH!
He punches Larry but it doesn’t hurt.
Larry: …
Apprentice: Here!
He tosses Torte a frying pan but it hits his face.
Torte: GAH!
Shy Ranger blasts Apprentice with a laser and blows him away
Apprentice: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhh…
Torte: Grrrr!
He starts spinning his arms but Larry tosses him into the candles, lighting him on fire.
Torte: AAHHHH!!!
He runs out.
Booster: My turn!
He punches Shy Ranger out the window.
Shy Ranger: I’m ok!
Larry: This’ll be fun…
He slides under Booster’s legs and punches the back of his head but with no effect.
Booster: Gee!
He slams Larry into the floor.
Larry: SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: THE SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR GONDOLA TOUR!!!
A gondola shaped like a pie appears and Larry is in it.
Larry: Take this!
It falls on Booster.
Booster: Ouchie!
Shy Ranger crawls back in.
Booster: Yargh!
He throws a punch at Larry.
Larry: SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: FRIEND BLOCKER!!!
He puts Shy Ranger in the way of the attack.
Shy Ranger: Ow! YOU JERK!
Larry: What?
Both of them punch Booster.
Booster: Goo…
He collapses.
Larry: That’s gonna hurt in the morning!
Shy Ranger: What about the partner?
Booster: Gaa…
Larry: It must be him-
Homer: Oooh! Cake! Mmmm… Cake… *starts drooling*
He tries to bite the cake but it shoots a blast at Homer, sending him flying.
Homer: AAAAAAaaaaahhh…
Bundt: RRRRRROAAAAAARRRRRR!!!
GIANT LIVING WEDDING CAKE: BUNDT!
Bundt: WHO DARES TRY TO EAT ME?!
Larry: Stop shouting!
Bundt: Sorry.
He shoots a blast at Larry, knocking him into the piano.
Larry: Wow, he’s strong! BUT I’M STRONGER!!!
He lunges at Bundt but gets hit with a Diamond Saw and crashes into Shy Ranger.
Both: Oof!
Bundt: MWAHAHAAHAHAAAA!
Larry: SMART BOMB!
He throws a smart bomb at Bundt and it does massive damage.
Bundt: Gah!
Larry: Had enough?
Bundt: Yes!
Shy Ranger: All right! But what about the princess?
Larry: Huh?
It turns out she left while they were all fighting.
Larry: … *censored* Well I guess we should leave.
They turn around.
Bundt: Don’t leave!
Raspberry: We wanna come!
Larry: YOU TWO ARE MY NEW PARTNERS?!
Bundt: Yep.
Larry and Shy Ranger anime faint.
Bundt and Raspberry joined the party!
You know what? I’m too lazy to ask questions!
*leaves*
Chapter 5: I don’t want to talk to that boring frog!
Larry: So Bundt, have you seen a Star anywhere around here?
Bundt: No.
Larry: Where could it be?
Shy Ranger: Let’s-
Larry: I’M TRYING TO THINK!
Bundt: I know someone who might be able to help.
Larry: Fine! Who?
Raspberry: An old frog who knows a lot!
Larry: I think I know who you’re talking about. NO FREAKING WAY AM I GOING THERE!
Shy Ranger: Well I have an idea.
Larry: What?
Shy Ranger: Let’s just go to the next area!
Larry: Ok.
They go to the map even though they never did before but they can’t move on because the next spot isn’t there.
Larry: Now what?
Raspberry: Let’s just go on anyway!
They do so.
Sign: Welcome to Star Hill!
Bundt: Did that sign just talk?
Sign: Yes.
Larry and Co: …
Suddenly a Poe (from LoZ TP) appears.
Poe: Hey mack, wanna Poe Soul?
Larry: No… How about you guys?
Bundt: We need one!
Shy Ranger: Why?
Raspberry: You don’t want to know…
He gives the Poe some rupees and the Poe vanishes. Bundt holds up the Poe Soul somehow like in the game and sings to that little “I got an item” tune.
Bundt: YAY!
Larry: That was pointless…
They continue on until they see wishing stars.
Larry: Hey, let’s look at people’s wishes.
Star: Wah! I wish I wasn’t so scared! Wait, I’m afraid of wishing! WAAAH!
Larry: Then again, let’s not look at these.
They continue on until the reach the purple star.
All Four: Yay!
Larry grabs it.
Larry: That was too short!
Frogfucius appears.
Frogfucius: FOOOOLS!
Larry: Don’t tell me he’s a boss!
Frogfucius: I’M NOT REALLY FROGFUCIUS… FOOLS!!!
He changes into… Wizrobe?
Shy Ranger: From Majora’s Mask?
Larry: What’s with all the Zelda references?
I just got Twilight Princess!
Larry: But Wizrobe doesn’t appear in that game!
Shut up!
Wizrobe: Kya!
He shoots a ball of energy that freezes Larry.
Larry: Crud!
Shy Ranger: I’ll help! KYAAAAA!!!
He kicks Wizrobe in the shin.
Wizrobe: (clutching his shin and hopping around) OW!
Bundt: Wimp!
Raspberry: Blast!
He shoots a blast in Wizrobe’s face.
Wizrobe: THAT’S IT!!!
He grows three times his size.
All Four: *censored*
Larry: Why do you hate us so?!
He steps on Larry, which seriously hurts, though it unfreezes him.
Larry: Haha!
He takes out a beam sword and sticks it in Wizrobe’s toe.
Wizrobe: KYAAAAAAA!
He kicks Larry into Bundt.
???: Stop!
A mystery figure appears and pushes Wizrobe off the hill.
Wizrobe: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… *splat*
Bundt: Why didn’t we think to do that?
???: You okay, Larry?
The figure reveals itself to be… Iggy?!
Meanwhile…
Hooded Figure: All right you guys-
Red Person: But we didn’t do our cheer!
Blue Person: We can’t fight without doing so!
Hooded Figure: *sigh* Fine…
Green Person: Hurray!
Yellow Person: Let’s do this!
They all start dancing like idiots
Red Person: *strikes a pose* ALLOY RED!
Blue Person: *strikes a pose* ALLOY BLUE!
Yellow Person: *strikes a pose* ALLOY YELLOW!
Green Person: *strikes a pose* ALLOY GREEN!
All: Together we are… THE FIGHTING ALLOY TEAM!
Hooded Figure: …
Skull Kid: (like Mario from Mama Luigi) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hooded Figure: SILENCE!!! I GUESS YOU’LL HAVE TO DO!!!
Red Alloy: Why are you shouting?!
Hooded Figure: JUST GO!
Back to our villains…
Iggy: Surprised to see me?
Link (from the cruddy Zelda CD-i game): Yeah!
Larry: What’s with all the Youtube Poop references?
Link (from the Zelda TV series): Well excuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!
Larry: … Iggy, what are you doing here?
Bundt: Who is this guy?
Larry: My brother.
Iggy: After I was kidnapped they started doing strange things to me…
FLASHBACK!
A Drill Bit is holding up a card with Hannah Montana on it.
Iggy: AHHH! MAKE HER GO AWAY!!!
Drill Bit: (writing on a clipboard) Uh-huh…
FLASHBACK OVER!
Iggy: Eventually I escaped because a guard left the door wide open…
Larry: You should join our party!
Iggy joins the party!
Iggy: Happies!
I’m back! Why did the author make so many Zelda/YTP references? Why does that Imp Poe sell other Poe’s souls? Why did Bundt want one? And why did the Drill Bit see how Iggy would react to a picture of… *shutters* HER? All these questions will be answered in Chapter 6: Larry’s secret power!