Prologue
…And that’s when I found out the DNA evidence was gone…
Shy Ranger: Well that makes sense…
Lemmy: What are you doing?!
Huh?
Lemmy: The FF has already started!
Oh snap! How late am I?! We see Iggy being carried by a hooded figure in the Clown Copter!
Larry: IGGY! I’LL SAVE YA!
He follows the Clown Copter to Bowser’s Keep
Larry: What the?
He enters and goes to the room with chandeliers, and we see Iggy and Peach tied up. Larry jumps to one chandelier with the Hooded Figure on the other.
Hooded Figure: … Glad to see you again!
He removes his hood to reveal… ZARAX!
(Ok, if you’re confused, Zarax appeared in my first FF, “A New Force”, but it wasn’t very good so after a while I asked Lemmy to delete it. If you want to read it there’s a link to it on Zarax’s page at Larry’s bios.)
Zarax: Hello… Larry…
Larry: Zarax? You were easy last time, what makes now so different?
Zarax: Well the author was much lazier last time!
Larry: Why have you kidnapped Iggy and Peach?
Zarax: We need Iggy for a... project we’re working on!
Larry: And Peach?
Zarax: I don’t know…
Peach: I’m pretending I’m a piñata!
Iggy: …
Larry: Well then… SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: ARMY ATTACK!
A rumbling is heard and Sonic, Tails,
Knuckles, Eggman, Amy, Big, Gamma, Omega, Rouge, Silver, Metal Sonic, Billy,
Mandy, Grim, Irwin, The Mole, Flippy, Lumpy, Giggles, Petunia, Cro-Marmot,
Toothy, Handy, Russell, Shifty & Lifty, Flaky, Sniffles, Nutty, Splendid,
Generic Tree Friend, Pop, Cub, Buddhist Monkey, Mime, Cuddles, Disco Bear,
Espio, Charmy, Vector, Optimus Prime, Megatron, Soundwave, Peter Griffin,
Stewie, Brian, Chris, Meg, Lois, every single Pokemon, Kirby, Meta Knight,
Samus, Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, King Dedede, Escargon, Itachi, Bobobo, Don
Patch, Jelly Jiggler, Dengakuman, Hatenko, Soften, Torpedo Girl, (she’s
a torpedo!) Danny Phantom, Vlad Plasmius, Naurto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi,
Rock Lee, Neji, Ino, Shikimaru, Choji, Dark Danny, all
of Jumba’s experiments, and the boomerang
appear out of nowhere and attack Zarax, reducing him to a pulp.
Larry: Like I said: EASY!
Zarax: He…he…he…
Larry: Hm?
Zarax: You think that’s it? You think you’ve won? HAHAHAAA!
A rumbling is heard and Exor crashes through a weird vortex and into Bowser’s Keep.
Iggy: AAAHHH!
Larry somehow taps Iggy on the shoulder.
Iggy: Hmm?
Larry: *inhales* AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Peach: EEEE!
They are all sent flying.
Zarax: I… failed!
Exor happens to land right on top of him, reducing him to nothing.
Larry: AAAAHHHHHHHHH!
He lands in Mario’s Pad.
Larry: Oh…
Mario: A Koopa!
He kicks Larry out.
Larry: What happened…?
Toad: Hello whatsyourname!
Larry: What are you talking about?
Larry is hit in the head with the boomerang.
Larry: Don’t you know who I am?
Toad: The guy who rescued the Bean Kingdom!
Larry starts banging his head on the ground.
Meanwhile…
Hooded Figure: *gasp* Argh…! Zarax… failed…
Skull Kid: No way!
The Hooded Figure talks to the hologram again.
Hooded Figure: Master! Phase one is
complete… *hack, cough* But instead of stealing the vortex,
Smithy destroyed it… *wheeze, hack*
But… soon we will wish your body… back… *cough*
Back to the idiot…
Larry is still beating himself up.
Toad: Wow, you look beat up! Here’s a Mushroom!
He gives Larry a Mushroom.
Toad: Do you know how to eat it?
Larry: Yes.
He eats it.
Toad: I’ll show you how!
Larry: But-
678,678,645,765,894,111,678,767,866,999,999 lessons later, Larry is huge and fat.
Larry: I’m gonna kill you!
He attacks Toad and… ew… OH MY DAD! That’s not right! I didn’t know an arm could bend like that! Woah!
Toad: Go… to… Chancellor!
He dies and all that effort makes Larry normal again.
Larry: I guess I have nothing better to do.
But what about the Keep?
Larry: Oh, right!
He approaches the Keep but gets stopped by a sword.
Exor: BEWARE TEH SWORD OF DEATH!
Larry walks in the door.
Exor: Aw crud!
But because I feel like it, he somehow slips out of the Keep.
Exor: Aha!
Exor somehow destroys the bridge and Larry barely makes it off before it falls in the lava.
Larry: YOU WIN THIS ROUND!
He runs away.
Larry: Any more ideas?
Go to the chancellor.
Larry: Why?
Because.
Larry: Ok.
He heads toward the Mushroom Kingdom.
Goomba: Stop!
Spikey: Or we’ll destroy you!
Sky Troopa: Why am I red?
Shady Koopa: (singing) I’M BLUE!
Plit: …
Larry takes the Shady Koopa and throws him at the Sky Troopa and then stuffs the Goomba into the Spikey’s shell.
Larry: IDIOTS!
He continues on until he sees two Hammer Bros.
Hammer Bro #1: We’ll kill you!
Hammer Bro #2: Unless you give us gold coins!
Larry: Or what?
They take guns out.
Larry: O.O
Hammer Bros. #1: After twenty years we finally realized: hammers are so dumb! So we got these bad boys!
Hammer Bro #2: You made our guns angry!
Psychopath!
Hammer Bros: (I love my hammer!)
Larry: …
Hammer Bro #1: Er…
Larry lunges at them and takes one of their guns and shoots the second one with it.
Hammer Bros: He’s insane!!!
Larry kicks him into the air and throws his dead brother at him, sending them into a pit of lava.
Larry: Where’s the chancellor, again?
I know where he is!
Larry: Which way did he go, George? Which way did he go?
…
Larry continues and enters the Mushroom
Kingdom.
Chapter 1: Stupid crocodiles and the weird little girls… er… Shysters on pogo sticks!
Larry: Weird chapter name… Anyway, where’s the bearded- I mean mustached chancellor?
In the big castle…
Larry: Thanks Jelly Jiggler!
Jelly Jiggler: No problem!
What about me?
Larry: What about you?
YOU WIN THIS ROUND! Anyway, Larry enters the castle and finds the chancellor.
Chancellor: GASP!
Larry: Yes…?
Chancellor: You’re… you’re… THE ONE WHO SAVED OUR ALLIED KINGDOM!!!
Larry: *anime faint* What is wrong with you?
Chancellor: Nothing. Now go save the Keep.
Larry: I tried.
Chancellor: Oh well… LEAVE, YOU USELESS IDIOT!
He kicks Larry out. Soon after a crocodile and a puffball runs by, and the croc jumps on the ledge while the puffball tries too but hits his face.
Puffball: WAAAAAAAAHAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAA!
It starts raining and Larry walks over to the puffball.
Mallow: *sniffle* Oh, you’re all wet!
Larry: Grrr…
Suddenly they’re unmoving while on a battle background. Mallow looks like he’s been whacked while Larry is in a fighting pose with nosehairs sticking from his nose.
Larry: (without his lips moving) SUPER FIST OF THE NOSEHAIR: STOP CRYING YOU SISSY!!!
Things go back to normal and Mallow flies into a lava pit and dies.
Larry: What now?
Follow Croco.
Larry: Why?
Er… He called you a sissy!
Larry: … HE WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Steam comes from Larry’s ears (Wait, he doesn’t have ears!) and he runs after Croco.
Croco: How’d he catch up to me?
Larry tackles him to the ground but he wriggles free.
Larry: I got your hat!
Croco runs at Larry but steps on a rake.
Croco: … Ow.
Larry wraps nosehairs around Croco’s arms and pulls him toward him. Croco turns out to be Sideshow Bob, as Larry punches him into a tree.
Larry: That was easy… Well I’m going to the bad ol’ MK!
He heads back to MK and finds it in ruins as a bunch of Shysters are hopping around.
Larry: What the?
Shyster: Boing boing boing!
Larry: What’s going on?
Shyster: We took over the town!
Larry: Ok! Wait a minute… That’s King Dad’s job! Even if he is missing!
Larry picks up the Shyster and throws him into another Shyster
Shyster: You’re mean!
Larry: …
He walks in the castle.
Toad: Save me!
Larry: No.
He passes the Toad as he gets killed by Shysters .
Shyster: What are you doing here?
Larry: I must see who is in charge!
He breathes fire on them, then continues and sees the chancellor in the corner with six Shysters and Mack in front of the throne.
Shyster #1: What now?
Mack: Well… actually… I haven’t figured that out yet but I will… EVENTUALLY!
Shyster #2: Why do we serve under him?
Larry: Die!
He kills all but 2 Shysters.
Mack: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY MINIONS?!
Remaining Shysters: He cares for us!
Mack: No I don’t, you’re just expensive to make!
Shysters: …
Larry lunges at Mack and starts hitting him with a fan.
Larry: THE KOOPAS MUST RULE THIS KINGDOM!!!
Mack breathes fire on him but it doesn’t work.
Mack: What?!
Larry: I’m a Koopa; I’m not harmed by fire!
Larry takes Mack’s knife part and rips it off. He then uses it as a bat to knock the rest of Mack into the distance.
Larry: Hey, he dropped a cell phone… Hm…
He calls Smithy, then we see the screen go in half and Smithy appears and answers his phone.
Smithy: (shouting to someone off screen) I HATE YOU KIDS! (answering phone) Hello?
Larry: Hello, Mr. Smithy, we have your… *cough* clams ready.
Smithy: Clams? I didn’t order any clams! YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!
Larry: AGH! MONSTER!
Smithy: *ducks* YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!
Larry: Quick! Lick your phone!
Smithy: But I- Ok.
He does so.
Larry: How did it taste?
Smithy: … Er… Like a phone! YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER! I’m afraid of my bathtub! YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER! Phones give me gas!
Larry hangs up.
Chancellor: You saved us!
Larry lights him on fire and a blue star appears and Larry collects it
Larry: What is this thing? It looks like a power item! I should go find more!
He runs out of the castle.
Why did Peach pretend she was a piñata?
How did Larry slip out of the Keep? Why is Smithy afraid of his tub? Why
did the author steal from The Amanda Show? Why did Toad give Larry 678,678,645,765,894,111,678,767,866,999,999
lessons on how to eat? Why did Sideshow Bob dress as Croco? Where’s the
real Croco? All these questions will be answered in Chapter 2: Dogs, Frogs,
and Logs! Oh my!
Chapter 2: Dogs, Frogs, and Logs! Oh my!
Larry: Now I will go in this random direction.
Jelly Jiggler: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Larry: Shut up.
He goes in a random direction and falls in a sewer warp pipe
Larry: AHHHHHHH!!!
He falls flat on his face.
Larry: I think my skull is cracked…
SILENCE! Just keep going in random pipes for like an hour until you reach Belome!
Larry: …
N-Head appears for no reason.
Larry: Die!
He blows N-Head up.
Larry: … What was that about?
I dunno, I just felt like it.
Larry: …
Hours later of Larry traveling through the pipes…
Larry: I… *pant* made it… Ugh…
Belome: You look tasty!
Larry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Belome eats Larry.
Larry: Take this!
He breathes fire and kills Belome.
Larry: Yay!
Suddenly a flood comes from Belome’s mouth and washes Larry away.
Larry: I HATE MY LIIIIFEEE!!!
He starts falling down a waterfall and hits all the sharp and pointy rocks on the way.
Larry: My spine!
He falls into a cave and gets beaten up by random enemies.
Larry: Why me?
He falls out and lands in front of a Toad.
Toad: Did you have fun?
Larry: (with a demonic look in his eye) DIE!!!
We see Larry’s shadow lunge at the Toad, and hear several disgusting noises and blood splattering on nearby trees and stuff.
Larry: All done!
He continues on to a frog guy.
Frogfucius: Hello!
Larry: I don’t care about you!
Frogfucius: I know…
Larry just walks to a place with platforms.
Larry: Can’t I just fly?
But you can’t fly.
Larry: Watch!
He soars over to the other side… O.O
Larry: I told you!
Anyway, he continues on to Rose Town and sees arrows hitting people on the head and killing them.
Toad: Hello sir!
He gets hit with an arrow and dies.
Larry: %$^&&^%&*%^!
He runs into the inn.
Gaz: Hi, I’m Gaz and this is Geno!
Larry: … That’s a doll.
Gaz: Nuh-uh!
Larry: …
Gaz: Geno! Use your Superstar Shot!
Larry: What?
BANG!
Larry: @_@
Gaz: Let’s rob him, Mom!
Mom: Who knew that doll would be useful?
Later…
Random Star: Wow, a DOLL! I should possess it!
He does so and walks out.
Later again.
Larry: … Ow!
He leaves the inn and enters… the Pipe Vault? You can’t do that yet! Oh, and in the background the inn explodes.
Larry: I need a partner to help me!
He jumps into the warp pipe and lands on Shy Ranger.
Shy Ranger: Larry, what are you doing here?
Larry: I need your help to collect power items!
Shy Ranger: I guess I have nothing better to do…
A watch he was wearing starts flashing.
Watch: EMERGENCY!
Shy Ranger: Shut up! And Larry?
Larry: Yeah?
Shy Ranger: GET OFF ME!
Larry does so.
Shy Ranger joined the party!
Shy Ranger: OH BOY! A PARTY!
NOT THAT KIND OF PARTY!
Shy Ranger: … So where do we go?
Larry: We go into the Forest Maze and find a star-thing!
Shy Ranger: But why?
Larry: Because.
Shy Ranger: …
They leave and head into the forest. (Cue forest music)
Larry: Argh! We’re hopelessly lost!!!
Shy Ranger: We’re not even in the maze part of it yet!
Larry: I knew that.
They continue on and enter the stumps.
Snap: We’ll attack those cookie-making elves at dawn!
Crackle and Pop: YEAH!!!
Larry and Shy Ranger: O__O
They sneak on past until they come across a sleeping Wiggler.
Larry: Wake up!
Wiggler: ZzzzZzzz…
Larry: I said wake up!
He bonks it on the nose with his wand.
Wiggler: ROOOAR!
Larry: *classic Godzilla roar* ROOOOOAAAAAR!!!
It was so loud it killed the Wiggler and makes a path.
Shy Ranger: O.O
Larry eats the Wiggler.
Shy Ranger: Right, so NOW we go into the maze part.
Larry: AAAHHH! WE’RE HOPELESSLY LOST!
They enter the maze part.
Larry: I know exactly what to do!
Benny Hill music starts playing and they run through the maze in fast motion until they reach Bowyer.
Bowyer: Nya! Fun freezing people it is!
An Aero comes with a green star.
Aero: Look what I found!
Bowyer: Nya! Shiny it is! MINE!
Aero: But-
Bowyer grabs him and shoots him in a random direction.
Larry: SHINY!
He starts running toward the star when Shy Ranger grabs his tail.
Shy Ranger: Are you crazy? There’s an army of Aeros!
Larry: *grumble*
???: NOT SO FAST!
Geno drops from the sky.
Bowyer: NYA! Drop from sky how did you?
Geno: … I don’t know…
He punches Bowyer in the face
Bowyer: Nya! Shot cheap!
He gets an Aero and is about to fire it when Larry shoots a fireball at it.
Larry: Not so fast! *pulls out a walkie-talkie* We’ve got a code red here, over! Take evasive action, over!
The two exits are blocked off my metal doors and Larry Clones dressed in army clothes start jumping from the top of trees.
Clones: CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED! CODE RED!
We see an army plane fly overhead and another Larry Clone jumps from it.
Clone: Geranimo!
Clone #2: Navaho!
Clone #3: Bobobo!
All of the clones surround Bowyer with guns.
Clone: Don’t move or we’ll be shooting ourselves!
Geno: You know this guy?
Shy Ranger: I wish I didn’t sometimes…
The Clones shoot at Bowyer until he is nothing.
Aeros: RUUUUUUUN!!!
They run away, but not before pummeling Larry.
Larry: … Ow…
Geno: Riiiiiight. Well, thanks for destroying Bowyer. Now I’ll tell you the plot. You know that vortex-thing Exor destroyed and shattered?
Larry: Yeah…
Geno: It’s the portal to the Underwhere-
Larry: *laughs* He said underwear!
Shy Ranger anime bonks Larry on the head.
Shy Ranger: Idiot…
Geno: And I’ve been sent by Jayde to retrieve the pieces of the vortex.
Larry: But why did they shatter it?
Geno: Well Smithy was supposed to retrieve it but accidentally destroyed it. They are planning to use it to takeover the demons in the Underwhere and use it to take over Star Road and Star Heaven so they can wish their master’s body back.
Larry: Why don’t they wish on a shooting star? And who’s their master?
Geno: Because they’re evil. Their master was a powerful demon but a great hero destroyed him. They want him back so they can rule the world.
Shy Ranger: But, who’s they?
Geno: The one who tried to destroy you in the Beanbean Kingdom.
Larry: Have you been watching us?
Geno: Yes…
Shy Ranger: Why would you do that, Geno?
Larry: Wait, you’re Geno? MARIO PARTNER! DIE!!!
Geno: Because- Wait, what?!
Larry sets him on fire.
Geno: You… idiot…!
Nelson: Haw haw!
Geno: With my… last breath I CURSE YOU, NAAVIIIIIIIIIIII!!!
He dies and Larry collects the green star.
Shy Ranger: Hey Larry?
Larry: What?
Shy Ranger: Why is the word Log in this chapter name?
A log falls from nowhere and kills a random Wiggler.
Larry: That’s why.
Shy Ranger: … Idiot…
… What? I don’t have any questions…