The Goomba Raid

By 1-up Boo

Prologue

Mario is taking a walk until he stumbles upon a Goomba.

Goomba: DIE!

Mario: …

Mario squishes him.

Goomba: ACK!

The Goomba flees.

Sometime later at King Goomba’s castle…

Goomba: I HAVE BEEN HURT!

King Goomba: Another one?!

Goomba: I HAVE BEEN HURT!

King Goomba: We get it. I’m sick of that Mario, or Luigi, or anyone squishing us!

Goomba: I HAVE BEEN HURT!

King Goomba: I KNOW! But our Goomba Reviver is beyond full.

The Goomba Reviver is seen with 8 crouched Goombas in it.

King Goomba: One of these days the Mushroom Kingdom will pay.

Goomba: I hurt.

Meanwhile at the Mushroom Kingdom…

Peach: Mario! Where have you been?

Mario: I was taking a walk but Goomba stopped me.

Peach: Ugh. I hate those pests.

Mario: Me too.
 

Part 1

Mario: So Luigi, how’s life on this day that cannot possibly go wrong?

Luigi: I bet you jinxed it.

Mario: Oh come on, Luigi. The birds are chirping, the Toads are being… Toady. Everything is fi-

???: Mail call!

Mario and Luigi look behind them and see Parakarry.

Parakarry: Hey Mario.

Mario: Greetings. Mail, I see.

Parakarry: Yeah, probably bills or something. Anyhow, I got to leave now.

Parakarry leaves.

Luigi: That was random.

Mario: Bill, bill, bill, bill, bill, junk mail, junk mail… What’s this?

Luigi: Open it.

Mario: Hmm… Dear Mario, We are sick of you squishing us, killing us, hurting us… well, you know what I mean. It’s time we settle this like men. Meet with me outside the Mushroom Kingdom gate and surrender or we will destroy you! Sincerely, King Goomba.

Mario: …

Luigi: …

Mario and Luigi: HA HA HA HA!!!

Mario: Oh now THAT is rich!

Luigi: They think they can kill us?! Please!

Mario: I guess I’ll go “reason” with them.

Luigi: Why were we standing outside doing nothing anyway?

Mario: Why, we were watching the birds!

Luigi: Mario, those are just Toads testing their jetpacks.

Three Toads are seen testing their jetpacks. One bonks into a tree while another falls to the ground and blows up.

Mario: … Well I’d better get going.

And so Mario gets going. But then Mario’s name is heard being yelled.

???: Mario! Mario!

Mario: What now?!

A Toad is seen running toward Mario.

Toad: Mario, I must give you something before you set off to adventure.

Mario: What do you mean “set off to adventure”?

Toad: Every time you leave the Kingdom for something minor it usually turns into an adventure.

Mario: Good point.

Toad: Right, so here.

The Toad gives Mario a suitcase.

Mario: Just what I need, a useless suitcase.

Toad: Glad you like it!

The Toad speeds off.

Mario: Random.

Mario continues until he is at the spot where he is supposed to meet with King Goomba.

Mario: … I don’t get it, no one’s h-

???: Curse you, tiny legs!

Mario: Ah.

King Goomba: I *pant* am now *gasp* here and I shall now *pant, gasp*-

Mario: Slow down.

King Goomba: I wish I had a jet or something. NOW IT’S TIME WE… talk.

Mario: …

King Goomba: So, do you surrender or not?

Mario whacks King Goomba with his suitcase.

King Goomba: Ow…

Mario: You’re joking, right?

King Goomba: Uhhh… No?

Mario gets out his Ultra Hammer and whacks him away.

King Goomba (far off): You will regret thiiiis!

Mario: That was weird.

Meanwhile…

Goomba: I HAVE BEEN HUR-

BOOM!

Goomba: I HAVE BEEN EVEN MORE HURT!

King Goomba: WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

Goomba: I don’t know, why?

King Goomba: First of all, your name is now Goom.

Goom: Neat.

King Goomba: Second of all, I call a Goomba meeting!

Goom: Hurt.

1 minute later…

King Goomba: Thank you all for coming to the meeting.

Random Goomba: But you made us stay by tying us to chairs.

King Goomba: Silence! Now we have been humiliated by Mario far too many times. It’s time we strike!

All Goombas: ?

King Goomba: I’m guessing you have no idea what I mean.

Everyone nods.

King Goomba: Figures. I have decided in the last 2 ½ minutes that we shall takeover the Mushroom Kingdom!

Random Goomba: But how are we going to takeover the Mushroom Kingdom? We can barely defeat a Toad!

King Goomba: Well I have devised a strategic plan to take their complicated construct of Mushrooms and Toads!

King Goomba: My excellent plan is to call every Goomba on Plit to this castle and then… RAID!!!

Ooohs and ahs are heard.

King Goomba: Heh heh heh… Soon Goombas will not be considered weak.

Back with Mario…

Luigi: So Bro, how was it?

Mario: I just whacked him away. I can’t believe he thinks he can takeover the Mushroom Kingdom.

Luigi: Yeah. Well let’s go inside and eat.

They do so.

Now back with King Goomba…

Goom: You say we called messenger?

King Goomba: Ye-

BOOM!

Hooktail: GWARR!!!

Goom: Meep!

King Goomba: Do not be afraid, Goomy. For this is our messenger!

Goom: You hired a giant dragon to be messenger?

King Goomba: Yes.

Hooktail: Can we hurry this up? I got a 9:00 curfew.

King Goomba: Sure. Oh, and Goom, I want you to go with her.

Goom: W-why?

King Goomba: You need to make sure she’s going the right way. Remember, arctic Goombas first… You know what, just follow these instructions.

Goom: Fine.

And so Goom and Hooktail fly off.

King Goomba: In the meantime I shall tend my garden!

He runs off.

Random Goomba: The king has a garden?

Random Goomba #2: Apparently so.

Will Mario stop the soon to come Goomba Raid? Will King Goomba tend his garden well? Will Toads invent better jetpacks? Will I stop talking? Find out in PART 2!

Read on!


 
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