Booster and his Snifits were applauding the performance as if it was a spectacular play. As odd as it may sound, there was a sense of safety in the air, and not just because there’s a 70% chance Grambi was watching them in the chapel. The other reason is that the author can’t come up with a good brick joke right now, thanks to that dang helmet of Shy Away. Shy Away fluttered out of the chapel, wondering what the people would think about a giant bird in there once they came in later. He also saw Chef Torte and his Apprentice on his way out.
“ZE GLASS EEZ HALF EMPTY, IDIOT!”
“No! It’s half full!”
“HALF EMPTY!”
“Half full!”
“HALF EMPTY”
“Half empty!”
“THANK YOU!”
“But it always works on TV!”
“IDIOT.”
Shy Away tried his best to ignore them, and made his way to the base of Star Hill. (Which contrasted poorly with the nearby grass, might I add.)
Some people in funny suits with white Xs on them stood with cannons. Shy Away tried ignoring them, and PERSHKWHOOOOOOOOOOM. Obviously, he was shot out of the air, even though the guys could have just thrown a rock at him or something. Then again, rocks don’t make a PERSHKWHOOOOOOOOOOM! sound, so cannons are better. I’m sure Bowser would agree. Wait, that’s Iggy’s line. Speaking of the Koopalings, I said they were important in the last entry, didn’t I? That means I have to include them sometime, and I have to say, I should really do that before Shy Away is so far away that it becomes inconvenient.
Shy Away thusly turned around, trying to find a way over the cannons other than the obvious “go around them” trick that never seems to work in videogames thanks to conveniently placed fences/trees/invisiblewallsofdoom. He decided he could get enough of a start in the air from Booster Tower that he could fly over the cannons.
Wait, doesn’t that mean… Booster Hill?! Commercial time!
“I’m-a Mario! These people paid me to say on TV that I love their awful pasta! Be like-a Mario! Eat this %#^&!”
Breaking news! A company has recently asked Mario to advertise a special mop for cleaning! Will he mistake it for pasta or something like that? Stay tuned to find out!
“I’m-a Luigi! Mops are old, and there’s something new on the market! Buy the Pol- I mean Dustergust 2000 to efficiently clean! WITHOUT A MOP, DANG IT!”
“I’m-a Wario! If you want your house clean, kidnap someone and force them into labor! … I mean… Hire a maid!”
And THAT is why you ask Waluigi to do your advertising instead. Anyways, Shy Away got down to Booster Tower, where he was immediately assaulted by water balloons. Fortunately, Iggy was the one throwing them, and more of them ended up flying backwards, bouncing into a wall, and hitting him than hitting Shy Away. Shy Away also “endured” countless pointless “trials” until all of the Koopalings were in the same convenient room at the top.
“YOU!!!” screamed Roy
“Now we’re related to that idiotic disgrace to the face of our beloved Plit!” shouted Morton
“We already WERE related, dumbbell! Sister-in-LAW isn’t even a relation either,” snapped Ludwig.
“Speaking of dumbbells…” said Iggy, flexing his nonexistent muscles, “IF LARRY WEREN’T MISERABLE RIGHT NOW, I’D TOTALLY BE THROWING A TANTRUM!”
“That’s what we geniuses like to call an oxymoron.” said Ludwig.
“Hey, wait!” Shy Away began. “Where’s Larry? And where’s the idiot who likes riding a ball?”
“Larry got dragged away by that idiot Susan to Seaside Town, where they could watch the sunset. Pathetic,” said Roy.
“Oh, and about Lemmy,” Iggy said. “He’s right behind you.”
“CUE FLASHBACK!” Lemmy shouted.
Lemmy nodded. “That must have been like hitting a Bob-omb. The foundation could easily be broken by one more thing, creating an explosion. What happened with Frogfucius was all natural. To keep from bottling it all up, you should be with friends more often, and let a bit of it loose on them. How about we give you one detention at the end of the day?”
After a bit, Shy Away stated, “Wait, I don’t even go to school here. You can’t give me detention…”
Lemmy tensed up. “YOU DARE UNDERMINE MY AUTHORITY?!” He then punted Shy Away into Rose Town.
“YOU DARE UNDERMINE MY AUTHORITY, AND CALL ME AN IDIOT?!” He then punted Shy Away into Seaside Town. Go figure.
=========================================================================
Shy Away landed in Seaside Town, as you already know. People flew over to him. (They weren’t in obvious disguises by the way, nor were they in any at all.) “YOU. HELP US. WE’RE BEING ATTACKED BY CANNONBALLS.”
“PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF DAD.”
“I thought that religion was only for Royal Koopas.”
“No, I mean if the cannon firing keeps going on, my dad will wake up, and he’ll be very cranky.”
While people had pointless conversations, Shy Away fluttered to the Sea. Yup. The sage of honor on the sea. I’m surprised he remembered, to say the least.
“FINALLY I can plant this seaweed!”
I stand corrected.
Shy Away planted his seaweed, which grew full size in seconds, while sharks came out of a nearby sunken ship and off to deeper waters. For now, Shy Away isn’t important, so let’s flip over to the sharks’ point of view.
The lead shark was named Jonathan Jones, a stereotypical pirate. Except without an eye patch, hook, or peg leg. Those tools are for the idiots who get wounded in battle, and this shark isn’t an idiot. We’ll call him Johnny for short.
An iron ship sailed in. The mast was black, with an X wearing glasses on it. The rudder had a spiked ball on the end, and the prow itself was a cannon. Shots rained in the waters, occasionally in Seaside Town, too. Sharks hopped onto the ship as more people in funny uniforms came out for battle. The sharks attacked with spears, and Johnny used a mighty trident.
“MAN OVERBOARD! MAN OVER-WOAH!” shouted one of the people in funny uniforms.
“WOMAN OVERBOARD!” another one chimed in.
“Oh, that’s just immature!” shouted the first.
“FOR THE LOVE OF THE X-NAUT EMPIRE, SHUT UP!” shouted one of them. Good, now I can call them X-Nauts. Hoorah for convenience.
X-Nauts and sharks battled, but the true battle was in the captain’s quarters, where Johnny fought.
The room was bland. Nothing was around the walls. There was no desk, there was no nautical equipment. But there was a rod with a mechanical head attached to it in the middle of the room. What kind of mechanical head?
“I AM GRODUS!” shouted the head, even though the author was still busy describing it. “I’ve plotted my revenge, and just when I needed it, a silly jester gave me a new body… THIS SHIP!”
Just so you know, Johnny was in there. You might have forgotten. “Ye be getting off the seas now, lad. We don’t need some nerdy landlubbers on OUR turf,” scowled Johnny.
Hey! I take that as a little bit offe-
“I’m so scared of you, shark boy! GACKACKACK! What are you going to do, bite me?” mocked Grodus. Johnny had something else in mind. He pulled out a trident.
“Turn this ship around and quit yer cannon firing, and I WON’T pierce right through that hunk o’ glass you call a forehead.”
Really? I thought it was more like a ha-
“GACKACKACK! I’m not that stupid!” he cackled, and spikes jotted up around Grodus. Johnny jumped back.
You’re ignoring m-
“A trident is a bit longer than that, ye wee sea urchin. Goodbye, may we never meet agai-”
Bricks flew at Grodus and Johnny’s heads. Then again, I really don’t have to mention that Grodus got hit in the head, do I? Oh well. Johnny fell over onto the ground unconscious. Grodus got a small crack in the glass on his huge head, and gave off a loud cackle. “None shall ever take my Pure Heart! FULL SPEED AHEAD TOWARDS SEASIDE… Wait, I control the ship! I don’t have to give orders!”
All of the sharks fled.
This is the part where we switch back to Shy Away. There was basically a forest of seaweed now, and Shy Away was starting to plant Piranha Plants that grew to basically be lookalikes of Naval Piranha. He finished off the lovely garden with coral, which isn’t even supposed to be a plant. He went off to Seaside Town to go see what the people needed, along with maybe a ham ‘n cheese sandwich.
And now we aren’t with Shy Away.
Grodus’s ship neared the shore of Seaside Town, as Grodus himself couldn’t stop laughing. X-Nauts hopped up and down, cheering, when the ship started moving much more… slowly. “X-NAUTS!” screamed Grodus, obviously noticing.
Several X-nauts appeared. “SIR! We are currently stuck in massive amounts of seaweed!”
There was a very awkward silence involving piercing of souls, terror, and fleeing for lives. The silence was broken by a loud scratching sound against the side of the ship. “X-NAUTS!!!” Grodus hissed.
“Sir! There is currently coral surrounding the ship! We are currently doing our best to break all of it!”
There was yet another awkward silence, this one involving the piercing of souls, terror, nearly fleeing for life, and an unexpected Thwomp. The silence was broken by-
“MY LEG!”
“HOLY-”
“WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!”
“WE’RE CURRENTLY HOSTING THE BIGGEST GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SAIL EVER, RIGHT HERE IN THE SHIP’S STO- MY FOOOOOOOOOT!”
“X-NAAAAAAAUUUUUTS!” Grodus… I need a stronger word. MORTON.
“The word you’re looking for is shrieked.”
Thank you.
“X-NAAAAAAAAUUUUUTS!” Grodus shrieked.
One X-Naut limply crawled into Grodus’s chambers. “We’re currently being attacked by a horde of giant Piranha Plants. Please stand by.”
There was a third awkward silence, this one involving piercing of souls, terror, and being pulled out of the room by behemoth plants.
NOW we go back to Shy Away for good.
Shy Away happily snacked on his Ham ‘n Cheese sandwich, then he finally left to go and see what was wrong at the Sea. Once he got there, he saw the scene described previously. The Piranha Plants were basically mauling X-Nauts left and right. Now WHY couldn’t Smilax do that? Nonetheless, he fluttered out to get a closer look at the events, and he pet one of the Piranha Plants on the head, much to its delight.
There was already a gaping hole in the ship, and Shy Away realized there just might be a Pure Heart conveniently located inside. He decided he’d be better off looking now as opposed to when the ship was covered in seaweed and coral. He went through the first door he saw, and noticed a disembodied mechanical head on a pole, and a shark on the ground.
“X-Nauts?” Grodus muttered, hoping for soldiers to help his immobile head. Shy Away beamed. The disembodied mechanical head was given a Pure Heart by Dimentio, so this must be his next opponent! He tossed a red electrical orb into the air, and it dropped into the ground, and…
KERBLAAAAM!
There was an explosion bigger than you would believe. From on top of Booster Tower, Morton was talking about the mushroom he saw not too far away, and Ludwig said something about explosive reactions.
Shy Away and Johnny Jones, pitch black and covered in soot, landed on the shore of the beach on their sides. Johnny even got woken up by the sound of the explosion. He looked at Shy Away, the sinking ship, and the plants. Shy Away smiled and waved. A Heart came from the ocean and dove into Johnny Jones, who nodded immediately.