The Dark Prognosticus, Chapter 1: Paper Mario, The TRUE Story

By Dimentio

Sub Chapter 5: Piece of Cake


Kammy: … I just came in…

Bowser is lying on the floor crying.

Kammy: What’s wrong, your Babyness?

Bowser: Oh, it’s you, haggy. *sniff* I just found out that Peach doesn’t like me!

Kammy: Boy, who would have thought…

Bowser: I told her if she wanted anything all she had to do was ask. Then she said “I wish you would drop dead!” The she tossed me out of the room. I don’t even know how she did that!

Kammy: Your Flabbyness, Wendy was defeated by those meddlesome Mario Bros!

Bowser: ARGH!!! I would kill her if it weren’t for the fact Clawdia will kill me right after.

Kammy: That’s also the thing, your Hopelessness. In the end there was a huge explosion! There’s the possibility that Wendy and the Mario Bros!

Bowser: You’re not sure if the Mario Bros. died or not?!

Kammy: Our spies just know there was an explosion. We’re not sure if anyone lived or not.

Bowser: I hope those Faucet Face Plumbers were destroyed.

???: Even if the Mario Bros. didn’t die, Pop, they won’t beat me!

Bowser: I’m not so sure, Larry. If this keeps up all of you will fail me… again!

Larry: Relax, Pop. I have a partner who even the Mario Bros. can’t beat!

Bowser: Yeah, that’s what your deceased brothers and sister said.

Larry: De-deceased…?

Bowser: That doesn’t matter.

Larry: What?!

Bowser: Anyway, who is your assistant?

Larry: Uh, I can’t introduce him ‘cause he is currently inside a volcano…

Bowser: Then head there! Those miserable Marios could be heading there right now!

Larry: Yes, Pop!

Larry quickly scurries out the door.

Bowser: This isn’t going to end well…

Kammy: Not to worry, your Wideness. I have a plan in case Mario does rescue all those Star Spirits.

Bowser: Then I trusty you, grandma. Ugh…I need a nap.

With Peach…

Peach: I’m getting hungry.

Twink: Well why don’t we go get something to eat?

Peach: Good idea.

Peach goes out the normal door.

Twink: ?!

Twink follows Peach

Twink: What are you doing?!

Peach: Relax. There are no guards, see?

Twink looks and sees the guards have gone on a strike. They walk into the dining room. There they see Gourmet Guy eating the table.

Peach: What is it?!

Gourmet Guy: *munch* So *crunch* hungry!

Peach: Who are you?

Gourmet Guy: My name is Gourmet Guy. I don’t know why. I’m just your average food-loving Shy Guy.

Peach: I was wondering why the castle was sinking. I thought I was just going crazy.

Gourmet Guy: I’m hungry. Can you make me some food?

Peach: Why should I?

Gourmet Guy: I’m…hungry. I get mad when I’m hungry. You don’t want to see a fat guy angry!

Peach: Okay!

Gourmet Guy: Great! Here is the key to the kitchen.

Peach: Why is there a bite mark on this?

Gourmet Guy: Don’t ask question you aren’t prepared to handle the answers to!

Peach and Twink go to the kitchen.

Peach: Hmm, what should we make him? All I can make is toast.

5 minutes later…

Twink gets the fire extinguisher and aims it at the flaming toaster. It gets put out.

Twink: Any other bright ideas?

Peach: I don’t know.

Twink: How about a cake?

Peach: I don’t know how to bake a cake.

Twink: What about the one you made Mario?

Peach: Actually the Toads made it while I polished my nails.

Twink: Well there has to be a cookbook around here somewhere.

Peach: Hey, look!

Peach hands Twink a cookbook.

Twink: “Luigi’s How to Bake a Cake”?

Peach: Perfect!

Twink: I’m not so sure, but let’s do it anyway.

30 minutes later…

Peach comes back into the dining room holding a glowing cake.

Gourmet Guy: About time! I had to eat my chair too!

Peach hands him the cake since there is no table now. Gourmet Guy devours it in one bite. Boom! He explodes.

Peach: Uh… Does that mean he liked it?

Gourmet Guy’s dust reforms back into him.

Gourmet Guy: Boy that was good!

Peach: I’m not sure whether to be glad or think he’s crazy.

Gourmet Guy: It was so good that I exploded from happiness.

Twink: I’m not so sure about that…

Gourmet Guy: For giving me such a good cake I’ll tell you something. One of those Star Spirits is being held inside a volcano in Lavalava Island.

Twink: Cool! I’ll go tell Mario immediately.

Twink heads towards the window when-


The burp blasts Twink out the window. Just then Kammy comes in.

Kammy: I heard an explo- PEACH?! … AND AN OBESE SHY GUY?!

Kammy zaps Gourmet Guy and he is teleported away. The castle starts to float back up.

Kammy: I was wondering why the castle was sinking.

Kammy then zaps Peach back into her room. Peach goes to her bed and looks at the framed picture of Mario.

Peach: Mario…Please hurry.

Chapter 24: Dojo Fights 2

Mario: So this is the Overthere?

Mario sees nothing but blue skies and clouds.

Luigi: Mario, you’re looking at the sky.

Mario looks down. He sees they are out of the Toy Box. They are back in Toad Town with Muskular and a couple fainted Shy Guys.

In the bushes…

???: Looks like they stopped those Shy Guys, see. Finally! There is only room for one robber, see?

Mario: What happened?

Muskular: I quickly teleported all of you out of the Toy Box before the explosion got us.

Mario: I guess you saved our lives.

Muskular: I also grant you my-

Twink: Mario!

Twink arrives on the scene.

Twink: I thought I was going to get lost after that…Shy Guy burped…me…out…

Twink turns around and sees Muskular.

Twink: *girly high-pitched squeal here* IT’S AN HONORABLE STAR SPIRIT!!!

Mario: What are you so excited about?

Twink: Hello? They are like famous celebrities to us!

Muskular: Glad to meet you, Twink.

Twink: GASP! You know my name?!

Muskular: Ha ha ha. Of course I do. We’re like family.

Twink gets a huge grin on his face, then falls on the floor fainted.

Muskular: Ooookay…

Muskular grants Mario his power! Now he can call him for help! Muskular starts to ascend but Mario tackles him back down.

Muskular: What the?!

Mario: How do I summon you guys?!

Muskular: Just pray! Sheesh!

Muskular shakes Mario off and ascends to Star Heaven. Luigi picks up the fainted Twink.

Toad: Well, looks like we’ll have to kill some time before he wakes up.

Mario: Kill!

Mario grabs the fainted General Guy. He starts shaking him and he wakes up.

Mario: Where is Josh?!

General Guy: Who?

Bow: The Koopa your men kidnapped.

General Guy: Ask my men.

Watt: Hey Shy Guys, what have you done with that Koopa?

Shy Guy: We put him in a bag and started hitting him with a stick. It was Steven’s birthday.

Mario: Well where is he?

Shy Guy: Oops… uh, we kind of left him in the toy arena…

Just then WHN comes out the door covered in soot.

WHN: I’m alive!

He falls down fainted. Mario picks him up. They head to the Toad Town Dojo.

Mario: I’m back!

Master: I hope you have improved.

Mario: You bet. Bring it, old timer!

Master: Very well.

Mario 25/25
Luigi 24/24
Toad 23/23
The Master 50/50

The Master starts charging towards Mario. Mario hits him away with his hammer. The Master hits the wall. Mario quickly throws his hammer at him. The Master holds up his hand and catches it! Mario uses Power Jump. The Master gets out of the way and punches Mario. Mario falls down from the blow.

Mario: Help me, you guys!

Luigi: Oh, sorry.

Luigi uses Super Jump. He lands right on The Master. However he grabs him and swings him towards Mario. Toad headbutts The Master while he is distracted. Mario and Luigi get up.

Mario: This guy sure is tough.

Luigi: But not as tough as us! Ah-ha ha!

Luigi uses Ultra Jump. The Master successfully rolls out of the way. However Mario sees him open and uses Power Smash! POW! The Master gets flattened into the ground. They all take out their hammers and hit him. They see they have left a huge hole in the floor.

Mario: Did we win?

The Master: You’re going to pay for that!

Out of nowhere The Master punches Mario square in the face. Mario flies into the wall. Toad tries to hit The Master with his hammer but he backflips. He lands behind Toad, grabs him, and throws him towards Luigi. They collide.

Mario 6/25
Luigi 16/24
Toad 18/23
The Master 22/50

The Master goes to punch Mario again but-

The Master: *hack, cough!*

He falls onto the floor coughing. Mario sees his chance and eats a Mushroom. Mario + 5 HP! Mario gets out of the wall and uses Power Jump. POW! The Master stands back up.

The Master: That was a minor inconvenience.

The Master tries to punch Mario again but Luigi quickly throws his hammer at him. The Master falls when the hammer hits him. Mario jumps on him. When Mario lands he gets tripped by The Master. He jumps up and goes for a Jump Kick. Toad acts fast and uses Mini-Stars. They hit him and he changes direction. He goes through the hole.

The Master: Nice technique…

Crash! Battle Over! Mario wins!

The Master goes back to his Dojo.

The Master: Very nice. Please make sure to visit me again.

Mario: Well that was a bit tough.

Twink: I’m so touched…

Luigi: Look, he is waking up!

Twink floats back up.

Mario: Quick, tell us where the next Star Spirit is!

Twink: Hold up! I’m still savoring the moment!

Mario takes out his hammer.

Twink: Okay, I’m done. The next Star Spirit is on Lavalava Island.

Mario: And where is that?

Twink: I wish I could’ve gotten an autograph.

Twink flies away as a hammer spins by him.

Mario: Drat! Missed. Well lets-a go…to the docks!

Chapter 26: Aiding the Giant…

Mario and Co have made it to Toad Town Docks. There they see Professor Kolorado.

Mario: Who are you?

Kolorado: Why poppycock! Haven’t you ever heard of the renowned Professor Kolorado?

Mario and Co: No.

Kolorado: I dare say, you chaps have no manners.

Mario: What brings you here?

Kolorado: I am leading an expedition to Lavalava Island. However there are no boats that’ll take me.

Mario: Hmm, this is bad. We need to get there too…

Toad: Mario! Look, there is something in the water!

They see a huge blue bump in the water.

Bow: What do you suppose it is?

Toad: We’d better safely figure out what it is.

Luigi: Toad, no!

Toad throws a Bob-omb at the blue hump.

???: OW! What is wrong with you?!

They see a giant whale come up.

Kolorado: Hmm, so that’s what that is.

Whale: Just to make things clear, I am NOT a tuna.

Kolorado: Of course! What sort of blooming idiot would call you that?


Kolorado: You are clearly… a giant dolphin!

Whale: @&%$! That’s stupider than being called a tuna!

Watt: Gosh Mr. Giant Dolphin, why are you so angry?

Whale: I got a real bad case of tummy ache. Think you can help a whale out?

Kolorado: Dolphin.

Mario: I guess I can lend a hand.

The whale opens its mouth. Mario and Co are about to enter when it shuts its mouth.

Luigi: What gives?

Whale: I can’t let you all in. Just two people.

Mario: Fine. Let’s-a go, Watt.

The whale opens its mouth again and they enter. They see it’s pitch black.

Mario: Ew. I feel something slimy on my boots.

Whale: Ick! Dude! Clean your boots often!

Mario and Watt go through the throat and enter the stomach.  Watt is lighting the way.

Mario: Better not fall. I can see the acid.

Watt: It’s a good thing I’m here, huh, Mario?

Mario: Look!

They see Fuzzipede jumping around the whale’s belly.

Fuzzipede: I got to get out of here! I don’t want to be digested! Huh?

He looks at Mario and Watt. Mario approaches him.

Mario: Come on, buddy, time to go.

Fuzzipede: Why would they come in here for me? …! Of course.

Mario: What?

Fuzzipede: That there fisherman wants you guys to capture me. We’ll you won’t take me alive!

Fuuzipede tackles Mario. The enemy got the first strike!

Mario 22/25
Watt 15/15
Fuzzipede 20/20

Mario tries to swat him away but Fuzzipede hops to avoid it. Mario hits the whale’s stomach.


Mario uses Power Jump. POW! Fuzzipede gets stunned for a bit. Watt sees her chance and uses Electro Dash. Zap! Fuzzipede comes back to his senses.

Fuzzipede: Ergh! You’re tough but I’m going to knock that mustache off your face!

Fuzzipede climbs up the whale’s backbone. Mario uses Hammer Throw but Fuzzipede quickly lets go. He falls down on Mario, the hammer missing him,. Mario jumps but Fuzzipede hops to avoid the attack and tackles Mario. Mario gets up and uses Power Smash vertically. POW! Fuzzipede hits the stomach wall pretty hard,

Whale: Stop it before I drown you!

Watt, who has just been watching, sees her chance again and uses Electro Dash. Zap.

Fuzzipede: *gasp, wheeze* You sure *gasp* know how to fight. I still have *gasp* another trick up my sleeve.

Fuzzipede recoils and starts to glow yellow. He launches himself at high speed and hits Mario. Mario falls down on the floor in pain.

Watt: Mario!

Watt uses Electro Dash. Zap!

Fuzzipede: Dang it…

Fuzzipede faints. Battle Over! Mario wins= 10 Star Points!

Whale: Hey, the pain is gone! Yippee! Burp!

Mario, Watt, and Fuzzipede get burped out of the whale.

Kolorado: Good job, Mario old chap! You cured the dolphin!

Whale: Can I eat him?

Mario: His existence might be useful.

Bow: Look, WHN is waking up.

WHN stands up, a bit confused.

WHN: What happened to me?

Kolorado: Are you okay, chap? Had me worried with how your condition looked.

WHN: *GASP* You’re Kolorado!

Kolorado: Well someone recognizes me.

WHN: What are you doing here?

Kolorado: I am about to conduct a search in Mt. Lavalava.

Mario: That’s also where we are going. There is some trouble there.

WHN: No! That’s where my sister lives. Well there’s two reasons to go through more torture.

Luigi: Excellent! Off we go!

Whale: I never said I would carry you guys there.

Mario: I helped you!

Whale: Fine. Next stop, Lavalava Island.

Everybody gets on top of the whale. The whale starts swimming towards Lavalava Island…

Read on!

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