The Dark Prognosticus, Chapter 1: Paper Mario, The TRUE Story

By Dimentio

Chapter 31: Why Do We Have To Help A Bunch Of Stupid Flowers?

Mario and Co fall in a heap upon entering Flower Fields.

Mario: Pain…everywhere!

Luigi: That nature freak didn’t even let us recover!

WHN: Knowing my luck, things will get worse.

Mario then gets hit by a Spiny egg. Soon Mario and Co are pelted and buried with Spiny eggs.

Lakitu: Ha ha. We sure got them good.

Watt struggles out of the pile.

Watt: Ow. This isn’t a very warm welcome.

Lakitu: ! Hmm just what we needed! Another power source for the Puff Puff Machine.

Another Lakitu takes out a fishing rod and hooks Watt.

Lakitu: We wouldn’t need another power source if SOMEONE hadn’t thought the gem looked like candy and then thrown it away.

Lakitu: Well excuse me!

Lakitu: You idiots! Stop discussing this here and let’s go!

They start leaving with Watt. Mario jumps out of the pile and hears Watt screaming.

Watt: Help me, Mario!

Mario: Watt? Watt!

Mario sees three Lakitus far off in the distance taking off with Watt. Mario helps his party members get out of the pile.

Bow: I heard Watt screaming. What happened?

Mario: Someone took of with her. We have to save her!

Toad: Can it wait? I need to drag myself to get anywhere.

Mario: Well we can take a nap in these fields. This place looks peaceful. What can happen?

They all lie down and quickly fall asleep. One nap later…

Mario: I feel… better…

Mario sees the skies are darker than before.

Mario: Everybody wake up!

Toad: Huh? Who shot down the Sun?

Wise Wisterwood: Ahh, so the young ones finally awake.

Luigi: Hmm, who’s talking?

Wisterwood: Look behind you, lads.

Mario and Co look at a giant tree with the door leading them here in its trunk.

Wisterwood: I’ve heard much about you, Mario, and your group.

Mario: All good, right?

Wisterwood: Ehh… mostly. Why were you napping when you can clearly see we’re suffering?!

Mario: What?

Wisterwood: Without the Sun we plants will wither and die. You must destroy the Puff Puff Machine that is causing all these clouds to appear. You must also defeat our invader Huff ‘N Puff and his master.

Mario: Okeydokey! Team, let-

Wisterwood: But you must hurry, for time is not eternal! If you don’t destroy the machine in six hours we will all wither and die.

Mario: What?! Only six hours?

Wisterwood: You young ones always complain! If you don’t like it you can just let us all die.

WHN: Seems good to me.

Wisterwood: You cruel creatures. Without us you can’t get to Huff ‘N Puff! He is all the way up in the sky in a place called the Cloudy Climb. Go talk to Petunia at the East side. She can help.

Mario: Whatever…

Six hours remain!

Mario: What in the world?

Luigi: What?

Mario: I thought I just heard “Six hours remain!”

Toad: Just your imagination.

They decide to fallow Wisterwood‘s words and head east. A bunch of Bzzaps are on the road.

Toad: Stupid bugs. You go squish now! PK Star Storm!

A bunch of meteors falls from the sky and crush the Bzzaps… and trees.

WHN: We were never here.

Mario: Right, let’s-a go!

They continue on and see Petunia.

Petunia: Who summoned the meteors?

Mario and Co: He did it.

They all point at Toad.

Petunia: Thanks! Your meteors crushed all the Monty Moles that were trying to eat me.

Toad: I know, I’m awesome.

Petunia: Let me give you this as a reward.

Toad got the Magical Bean.

Petunai: But please, whatever you do, DON’T PLANT IT!

Toad: Are you crazy, woman? We need this to get up into the sky.

Petunia: Yes, well when a flower is planted……………………………… seeds can go freely where they……………………………….................... and when you’re planted you’re stuck in one place………………………………................ which is why he dumped me………………………

4 Hours remain!

Petunia: ……………………………................... So I yelled “ Well excuse ME! I’m sorry I’m late but what do you expect?! I’M STUCK TO THE FREAKIN’ GROUND!” So I never talked to her again. Now do you see the sorrow of a poor plant?

Toad: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz… *pop* Huh? Oh yeah, we see. Can we go now?

Petunia: Sure.

They leave and Mario waits until she is out of earshot.

Mario: Great. That stupid flower cost us two hours!

Luigi: Take it-a easy, Mario. We’ll make it in time. Hey, have you seen Toad?

Toad: Hey guys, check this out!

Toad comes back with an armful of Red Berries.

Toad: They are quite tasty.

Mario: Where did you get them?

Toad: Uh… I… picked them?

Petunia (faint): Why did you have to cut down that poor tree?!

Toad: Uh… Did you hear something?

Mario: Nah, now let’s get going, gang.

Mario and Co are back in central Flower Fields.

Mario: Now what do we get?

Wisterwood: I can tell you know a lot about nature.

Mario: Thanks.

Wisterwood: That was sarcasm. Go see Posie on the lower left road. She has the next thing you want.

Toad: Thanks, old timer.

Wisterwood: What?!

Luigi smacks Toad behind the head and they run off to the lower left road. They see Red Plant and a locked gate.

Red: Halt!

Mario: Move, pisano.

Red: No.

Luigi: Why not?

Red: Because I’m grumpy ‘cause I’m hungry. Boy, I wish I had a Red Berry.

The gang look at Toad, who is covered in Red Berry juice.

Toad: What?

WHN: Give the dumb plant a berry.

Toad: No! They are mine!

Red: Give me one of those berries, you little fungus!

Toad: Never!

Toad pulls out a weed whacker and shreds Red Plant. The keys drop and Mario opens the gate.

Bow: Toad! You just murdered him!

WHN: Who cares? It’s just a plant.

Bow: Fair enough.

They head on and see more Bzzaps and now Ruff Puffs on the road.

Bzzaps: Izzzn’t that the Mario Brozzz?

Ruff Puff: We’re going to knock that mustache off your face!

Ruff Puff charges at Mario but WHN uses Fire Shell and easily defeats them.

Mario: Thanks, Max.

WHN: Whatever.

Now the Bzzaps are charging at Mario. Mario quickly pulls out bugspray from his overalls pocket. The Bzzaps fly away in fear.

Mario: No prob.

They continue on and soon see Posie and her Crystal Tree.

Posie: Hello there.

Toad: Cash City! That tree is made out of crystals!

Mario: Very impressive, but we are here for-

Luigi: Toad, what are you doing?!

Toad gets out his Ultra Squeaky Hammer and starts hitting the tree.

Toad: Now I can finally move out of Peach’s castle!

Posie: OWCH! THAT HURTS, YOU @&%$!!!

Flower Fields gets eerily quiet. Everyone looks in Posie’s direction.

Posie: … Oh dear. That was so unladylike me. Get out! All of you!

She starts throwing Fertile Soil at the gang. They run away and collect the soil off each other.

Bow: At least we were able to collect the soil.

Mario: Well, let’s go talk to Wisterwood.

The gang nod and they head back. Everyone but Toad makes it back to central Flower Fields. Toad stays behind to cut down the Yellow Berry tree.

Wisterwood: What do you whippersnappers want?

Mario: What else do we need?

Wisterwood: Water. Go talk to Lily in Lower Right Flower Fields.

Mario: Gotcha. Hey, where’s Toad?

Toad comes back with an armful of Yellow Berries. They head lower right and see another gate with Yellow Plant.

Yellow Plant: Stop right there, Mr. Mustache.

Luigi: Come on, we’re in a hurry here!

3 Hours remain!

Luigi: You see?!

Yellow Plant: No. I’m crabby because I wish I had a Yellow Berry to munch on.

The gang look at Toad again who now has Yellow Berry juice on him.

Toad: What?

WHN: Give the stupid plant a berry.

Toad: I got them fair and square!

Yellow: Give me one of them berries, you mush-headed Mushroom!

Toad: Make me!

Yellow lunges at Toad and goes to bite one of the berries. Toad quickly pulls out a can of weed spray and Yellow bites that instead.

Yellow: AAAUUUggghhh…

Yellow withers and dies. The keys drops and Mario opens the fence.

Bow: Great. That’s another plant you killed.

WHN: Hello? Plant. Now let’s get going!

They see a bunch of vines with thorns and a small road.

Mario: It’s leaping time!

Mario and Co jump from platform to platform and make it across. They continue on and see the road dried up.

WHN: Huh. I wonder what happened here?

Mario: Probably not important.

They head on and see a couple of meteors.

Toad: Looks like I had a farther reach than usual.

They soon see Lily in her dried up pond.

Lily: Curse my luck! First Rosie sends me a prank gift, then some stupid turtles in clouds take my Water Stone. Now the Water Stone flies out of nowhere and I get it back but some stupid meteors knock it out of my hands and it flies away. Without it I’ll wither and die! Oh won’t-

WHN: Shut up already! Sheesh!

Lily turns around and notices the group.

Lily: Hey, you ragtag group. Please help me out.

Mario: Fine. Do you know where this stone flew off?

Lily: It flew off in the west direction. It could’ve landed in the Hedge Maze.

Luigi: Okay.

Lily: Please hurry.

Chapter 32: I Still Don’t Want To Help Some Stupid Plants!

They leave Lily and head back to central Flower Fields except for Toad. Toad cuts down the Blue Berry tree and accidentally crushes an Amazy Dayzee.

Toad: Oops.

Toad grabs the berries and catches up to the group. They head left of Flower Fields. Again they see a gate and its guard.

Blue Plant: You shan’t pass!

WHN: Look, if I was you I would learn from my dead guard buddies and let us through.

Blue: No. I’m depressed ‘cause I wish I could snack on a Blue Berry.

The gang look at Toad, who now looks like a rainbow. He’s on the floor groaning and holding his belly.

Toad: *burp* Uh… I got one left.

WHN: Well then give it to the emo plant, please.

Blue: Emo?! Give me that berry!

Toad: Sure. Close your eyes and open your mouth.

Blue does so. Toad gets out a match and lights it. He throws it inside Blue’s open mouth.

Blue: AAAARRRRggggghhhhh…

Blue catches on fire and turns to ashes. Mario reaches into the pile of ashes and gets the burnt key and opens the gate.

Bow: … No comment.

WHN: Great. Let’s go.

They head on and see Spinies on the road.

Mario: We meet again, you spiked Koopas!

Mario raises his hammer.

Mario: But this time YOU are going to get a game over.

Toad: Lame.

Mario crushes any Spiny he sees. A nearby Lakitu watches the horror.

Lakitu: Ahh! My babies! … Spiny children things… Life has no purpose! AAAHHHHH!!!

He jumps off his cloud and lands in a pile of vines with thorns.

Luigi: Owch….

They keep going and see the Hedge Maze.

Toad: I hate mazes and I hate the guy who invented them.

The ignore Toad’s complaint and go inside the maze. Soon however they get lost.

WHN: You know… I’d have to agree with Toad now.

2 Hours Remain!

Mario: Holy Ravioli! We’d better pick up the pace!

Toad: Good, then watch!

Toad lights another match and sets the whole Hedge Maze on fire.

Toad: Now we wait until it burns down and we can easily get across.

Luigi: Good idea, Toad, except for one problem.

Toad: What?


Toad: Oops.

They all start crying until Bow slaps the baby out of them.

Bow: Did you forget about me?

Mario: Who are you?

Bow slaps Mario with her fan, then turns the group invisible. The fire soon gets put out and there is nothing left but ashes.

WHN: You must be in every plant’s dream when they get a nightmare.

Toad: No time to compliment my plan. We have to get going.

They go over the ashes and eventually see Rosie.

Rosie: Ahh, more people have visited to see the fine, lovely me.

Bow: Well now, aren’t we vain.

Rosie: Are you jealous of my awesome beauty?

Bow: (whispering) Toad, let me see that weed whacker of yours real quick.

Rosie: Not to mention I have this to increase my beauty.

Rosie pulls out the Water Stone.

Mario: Give that to me!

Rosie: No, it increases my beauty by tenfold!

Toad: You’re stupid.

Mario: I’ll explain…

One explanation later…

Rosie: So if I don’t give this to Lily she will die?

Mario: Exactly.

Rosie: Oh, well tough luck.

Bow: Why you!

Bow takes out her fan but Rosie thinks fast. Vines with thorns come out of the ground and trap WHN.

Rosie: One false move and your friend here will become plant food.

WHN: Well, only one thing to do.

WHN uses Fire Shell and frees himself from Rosie’s grasp.

Mario: Tell ya what. If we find something prettier than that stone, will you trade?

Rosie: IF you can find something prettier than this gorgeous stone, then yes.

Mario: Come on, guys, let’s get a move on.

They leave the used-to-be Hedge Maze and go to lower Left Flower Fields.

Mario: Okay, we’re going to ask Posie for one of those Crystal Berries.

They make it to Posie’s garden but when they enter…

Posie: Get out!

Mario: I’m sorry, but we nee-

Posie: I’m not helping you as long as you have that deranged Mushroom!

Toad: That’s just racist!

The group head back and tie Toad to the fallen Yellow Berry tree.

Mario: Sorry, Toad, but you’d better stay here.

Toad: Bullies!

Mario and Co head back to Posie’s garden.

Mario: We don’t have our nuisance. Now can you give us a Crystal Berry?

Posie: Fine.

She shakes the tree real hard and soon a Crystal Berry falls down.

Mario: Thanks.

Mario grabs the berry and they run back to the burned-downed Hedge Maze.

Toad: ? Hey guys! You forgot me!

Mario: I have a feeling we forgot something.

Luigi: No time! We have to hurry before all the plants die!

Mario and Co make it to Rosie’s garden.

Rosie: Well?

Mario pulls out the Crystal Berry and hands it to Rosie.

Rosie: It’s beautiful! Now I have two beautiful things in my collection!

Mario: WHAT?!

Rosie: Buzz off! These gems are mine, you hear?! MINE!

Bow: Okay that’s it!

Bow pulls out Toad’s weed whacker and rips Rosie to shreds.

Mario: 0_o

Luigi: 0.0

WHN: ^.^

Bow: >=)

Mario pulls out the Water Stone and they quickly run to Lily.

Lily: About time! Quick, put the Stone in that hole there.

Mario puts in the Stone and the pond and spring fill up with water again.

Lily: Yay! Here is a token of my gratitude.

Mario got the Miracle Water.

WHN: Wait… we forgot Toad back at that Yellow Berry tree!

Luigi: Let’s go get him back.

They run back to central Flower Fields and see Toad dragging himself and the tree.

Toad: *huff, wheeze* There you guys are! *gasp* Untie me!

Mario: Sorry, pisano.

They untie Toad and Mario faces Wisterwood.

Mario: We got water, soil, and the bean. Now what?

Wisterwood: Normally you could just plant it, but without the Sun it won’t grow. You must destroy the Puff Puff Machine, which is in the upper right of Flower Fields.

Mario: Okay.

Wisterwood: However I think you should talk to the Sun in the upper left Flower Fields.

Mario: Fine. Let’s get going, guys.

Bow: I hope Watt is okay.

Luigi: She’s fine… I hope.

They run off to Upper Left Flower Fields. There they encounter a Bubble Plant.

Bubble: Hi! I’m the Bubble Plant.

Toad: So?

Bubble: You jerk. Give me a Bubble Berry and I’ll tell you why I’m called a Bubble Plant.

Toad: I have a brighter idea.

Toad gets out some hedgeclippers and cuts the stem of the Bubble Plant. The plant lets out a scream of pain. In the process it blows a huge bubble.

Bow: Why do you kill every plant in sight?!

WHN: Hey, don’t forget you killed a plant too!

Bow: That stupid rose deserved it.

Mario: Come on, guys, we have to hurry!

They get inside the bubble and the wind carries them across the field of vines. They head on and see a dry wasteland along with a tall tower.

Mario: Hmm, something tells me a partner would be useful if I didn’t knock him into a wall.

Luigi: I’ll see what’s up there!

Luigi uses Super Jump and lands on top of the tower. He sees the Sun.

Sun: Listen to my long, boring story.

Luigi: I’d rather no-

Sun: When the clouds………………………………................... my job to help those……………………………….. Huff’ N’ Puff’……………………………….............. which is why she dumped me………………………………....................

1 Hour Remains!

Luigi: Shut up! This is a waste of time! Going down.

Luigi jumps off the tower and lands on the sleeping group.

Mario: Well?

Luigi: He was just complaining like that other flower. Now we only have less than an hour to save this place.

Bow: Then what are we waiting for? Let’s head back quick!

They leave the tower and run back.

Spike: Yeah, you’re going to like have to stop there, yo.

A Lakitu with green shades flies in front of Mario and Co.

Spike: Sorry, dude, but I have orders. Yeah, and those orders say I have to rough you up, you know.

Mario: You? Ha! Uh, who are you?

Spike: I’m Lakilester…no wait, Michael… uh no wait, Kooper… hold up-

WHN: Kooper… wait… That’s my name!

Mario: Shut up, Jaime!

WHN: Uh, there it goes again.

Spike: No wait, I mean Max… No wait, that’s not right… Uh Luigi… No wait, that too dorky…

Luigi: Hey!

Spike: Spike! Yeah, my name’s Spike. So like I said, I have to teach you a lesson.

Toad: I don’t like learning.

Spike: No, a lesson of pain!

Spike throws a Spiny egg at Toad but he swats it back with his hammer. The Spiny egg hits Spike in the face.

Spike: Ow, dude! You’re, like, supposed to be hitting them, man!

Mario uses Power Jump. POW! Luigi uses Super Jump. Direct hit! Bow uses Fan Smack. Smacked 6 times.

Spike: That is not cool at all, dude! Ganging up on me is, like, not cool at all.

Toad jumps up and hammers Spike into a wall. The wall shakes hard and a boulder lands on Spike.

Spike: Ok! I get the message. You dudes are so totally stronger than me. It’s okay, finish me off.

Lakilulu: Lakilester!

Spike: Come on, woman! How many times do I have to tell you to call me Spike?

Lakilulu: Don’t be yelling at me!

Lakilester: Yes sweetie.

Lakilulu: Please don’t finish off my poor Lakilester.

Toad: (turning off his chainsaw and taking off his hockey mask) Say what?

Lakilester: Come on! I lost somewhat unfair and square. I have to face the music.

Lakilulu: No! Who else is going to buy me stuff when I want it?

Lakilester: Look, don’t be nagging on me, woman. That is, like, so square of you!

Lakilulu: Square?! You take that back!

Lakilester: Yes honey.

Mario: Look, this guy, even though he was weak, tried to bump us off. Why should we spare his game?

Lakilulu quickly snatches Toad’s chainsaw and turns it on.

Lakilulu: Are you going to spare my Lakilester OR NOT?!

Mario: Uh, sure, deranged lady. Whatever you say!

Lakilulu: Good.

Lakilester: Hey man, by the way, why are you doing all this fighting for?

Mario: For pasta!

Luigi: To get noticed!

Toad: Wheeeeee!

WHN: To adventure! … But now I regret it!

Bow: For learning experiences!

Lakilester: Now this I like! I made up my mind. I’m joining this cool train.

Lakilulu: What?! You’re leaving me… for some fat, hairy plumber?!

Lakilester: Stop nagging me! No! I’m doing this to be a stronger Lakitu. For you, my dear.

Lakilulu: Well okay… But come back hurt and your not getting any se-

Lakilester: Woah! Dear, this is a kid’s story!

Lakilulu: What? All I was going to say was you’re not getting and seafood for a month.

Lakilester: What? You’re taking my delicious shrimp away from me?!

Lakilulu: Yes, now good luck, my dear.

Lakilulu flies away. Lakilester joined your party!

Mario: I never agreed, but sure, why not? What can you do?

Lakilester: Uh… I can throw Spiny eggs… I have a cloud…

Mario: Meh, can we hitch a ride across those thorns?

Lakilester: Sure, hop in.

They ride on Lakilester’s cloud across the thorns and make it back to central Flower Fields.

30 Minutes Remain!

Toad: Crud!

Mario: Quick, to the Puff Puff Machine!

They run to Upper Right Flower Fields. They see the road completely destroyed by meteors save for a few puzzle blocks.

Toad: Uh oh.

Luigi: I don’t like you.

Mario: Forget puzzles! Let’s just jump.

Luigi grabs all the party members and Ultra Jumps over the puzzle blocks. They land on a solid road and continue on. There they see the Puff Puff Machine and Watt in a case.

Kamek: This power source was a lucky find. The Puff Puff Machine’s capacities have tripled!

Mario: Hey, you freaks! Free our friend!

Watt: Mario, you came!

Kamek: Uh oh. Time to run. Lakitus!

Lakitu: Yes sir!

Kamek: Get rid of those plumbscumb!

Lakitu: Uh oh.

A Lakitu throws a Spiny egg at Mario but he swats it back. The Lakitu gets hit and Mario tops it off with a Power Jump. POW! The Lakitu falls down in defeat.

Lakitu: Crud.

Another Lakitu dives down and grabs Luigi. The Lakitu starts hitting him with a Spiny egg. Bow quickly floats up and slaps the Lakitu, letting go off Luigi. Luigi lands but uses Super Jump. The Lakitu swerves and dodges the attack. Luigi heads back down and uses a Lighting Downcut. The Lakitu faints.

Lakitu: Oh man!

The final Lakitu starts throwing Spiny eggs everywhere. WHN hides in his shell to avoid them and Toad gets out his squeaky hammer.

WHN: Not this again!

WHN uses Fire Shell and Toad launches him into the Lakitu. The Lakitu gets hit hard and falls off his cloud. Toad finishes him off with a hammer to the face. Mario wins!

Lakilester: We did it!

Mario: We?

5 Minutes Remain!

Mario: Mamamia! We’ve got to shut off that Puff Puff Machine! Luigi, you’re the techno geek! Do something.

Luigi: There’s no off switch on this thing!

4 Minutes Remain!

Mario: Then we’ll turn it off the old fashioned way.

Mario starts hitting the machine with his hammer.

Luigi: Are you out of your mind?

Bow: Shouldn’t we get Watt out first?

3 Minutes Remain!

Mario: Just start hammering! Bow and WHN, see if you can get Watt out!

Bow tries to go through the case but gets shocked out.

2 Minutes Remain!

Mario, Luigi, and Toad are hitting the machine with all the force they have. They start to break open the machine.

1 Minute Remains!

Bow: Try to break it open, WHN.

WHN: Sure.

WHN uses Shell Shock on the case. He hits it hard but instead his shell breaks.

Bow: … Pink boxers?

WHN: AHHH! My life is over!

30 Seconds Remain.

Mario hits it hard and sees a power core.

10 Seconds Remain!

Mario: This ought to finish it!

5, 4, 3…

Mario hits the core hard and the entire machine explodes.

2, 1-


Watt gets sent flying upwards into the sky.

Mario: Oops…

Chapter 33: Wrestling Match of the Ages

Bow: I told you we should have gotten Watt out first!

Mario: Whatever. We’ll see her once we get up there. Come on!

They head back to Wisterwood.

Wisterwood: You did it! I know I doubted you selfish creatures, but you did it!

Toad: Yeah… Hey listen, if you see some dead flowers or lots of ashes, that wasn’t me.

Wisterwood: Now plant that bean and get ready to fight Huff N’ Puff.

They lay the Fertile Soil, then bury the Bean, add Water, and then wait.

Mario: This is like watching a clog getting bigger!

Wisterwood: Patience. Soon that bean will sprout into-

CRASH! A beanstalk crashes through the ground and grows all the way into the sky.

Wisterwood: A beanstalk… Well there you go.

Mario: Now let’s go get that Huff N’ Puff!

Co: Yeah!

The beanstalk quickly takes them to the Cloudy Climb. They walk for a bit and soon see Huff N’ Puff.

Huff: You messed with the wrong cloud, my boy!

Roy: Well if it ain’t the lousy Mario Bros. You wrench-heads won’t beat me this time.

Mario: Spill it, Roy! Where’s Watt?

Roy: Now now. Why don’t we “discuss” things in my Sports Hall?

They see a shiny new Roy Sport’s Hall.

Roy: It’s version 3.4352655363.

Roy takes out his magic wand and zaps them inside the Sports Hall.

The Announcer: Kamek
The Referee: Pokey
The Greatest Guy in the World: Roy Koopa the magnificent

Kamek: Hello! We have another match this week in an old-fashioned steel cage tag team match! Pokey, say hi to the nice people.

Pokey: Hi.

Audience: We want Gloomtail!

Dimentio: Or Dimentio!

Kamek: Whatever. This week we have the great, awesome, powerful, almighty DAD on Plit, Roy Koopa!

Roy: Get ready to become as flat as a pizza, faucet face!

Kamek: And his powerhouse partner, Huff N’ Puff!

Huff: You wrecked my machine! Now I’m going to wreck your face!

Kamek: His opponents tonight will be the fat, short, and all around hated plumber, Mario!

Mario: Fat?!

Kamek: And his partner! … Uh, who is his partner?

Roy: Yo Mario, pick somebody to die with you in the ring.

Mario: Lui-

Luigi screeches like a little girl.

Lakilester: I’ll fight with you, Mario!

Mario: You?!

Roy: Ha ha ha. Sounds good to me!

Huff: Lakilester! You traitor! I’m going to make cloud mincemeat out of you!

Kamek: Now Pokey, commence the wrestling match of the ages!

Pokey: Fight.

Kamek: No no no! You always do it wrong!

Pokey: Don’t care.

Mario and Lakilester enter the ring. Roy and Huff N’ Puff enter the ring.

Mario 25/25
Lakilester 20/20
Huff N’ Puff 120/120
Roy 70/70

Mario: 20 HP?! What happened to your 50 HP?!

Lakilester: Bad luck, I guess.

Roy: You are going down. Once I finish you I can destroy this place and put in my new Sports Hall!

Larry: Not if I can help it! Yah!

Everybody looks as Larry jumps over the ropes and starts pummeling Huff N’ Puff.

Roy: What?!

Roy grabs Larry and straps him in the electric chair.

Roy: You’re dead right after I finish these plumber freaks off!

Huff N’ Puff -60 HP!

A steel cage drops down. Ding Ding Ding!

Kamek: Roy starts off by charging at Mario.

Mario: Thanks!

Kamek: Now he jumped over Roy and is clinging onto the roof of the cage.

Roy: Get down here!

Mario: Ok!

Kamek: Mario is glowing and now he just jumped on Roy! I could hear the “POW” from all the way over here!

Roy: Cheap shot!

Kamek: Now Roy and Mario have locked hands!

Lakilester: Oh, right, I have to help!

Huff: Not if I have anything to say about it!

Kamek: Lakilester is now throwing Spiny eggs at Roy, but Huff N’ Puff took the hits. Now 2 Tuff Puffs came out.

Ruff Tuff: Permission to attack, sir?

Huff: Yes, get him and bring him to me.

Kamek: The Tuffs are now grabbing Lakilester and squeezing the life out of him. Now they are bringing him to Huff just like he asked. That had to hurt! Huff punched the trapped Lakilester down into the ground. Wow! Now Mario threw Roy right at Huff.

Mario: I’ve faced tougher food than you, Roy.

Roy: Think you’re so funny, huh, faucet face?

Kamek: Roy is getting up, but now Lakilester has thrown a Spiny egg at his face and he fell back down.

Huff: Eat this!

Kamek: Huff has turned red and is glowing yellow. Roy is getting up again and now Mario is running up to Roy.

Mario: Taste my shoe!

Roy: Not this time. Ha!

Kamek: Roy caught Mario before he could stop on him. Now Roy is swinging him around and threw him at the cage wall. Mario is now hanging onto the cage again.

Roy: Get down here, you big baby!

Lakilester: Take that, you stupid Ruff Tuffs.

Kamek: Lakilester took care of those two Tuffs.

Mario: Mamamia!

Kamek: Woah! Huff unleashed lightning all over the ring and the electricity seems to have climbed up the cage. Mario got shocked and fell.

Mario: Oof!

Kamek: Into Roy’s fist! Now Roy has him pinned down.

Roy: I gotcha now! Hey!

Kamek: Mario just kicked Roy away! Roy is on the floor and now Mario is running up to him!

Mario: Power Smash!

Roy: UGH!!

Kamek: That’s going to leave a mark. Mario hammered Roy hard and he flew right back into Huff.
Huff: Uh, sir, no disrespect but you’re heavy!

Mario 15/25
Lakilester 10/20
Roy 46/70
Huff N’ Puff 46/120

Kamek: Huff is sucking up air? He just got back in three Ruff Tuffs!

Mario: Eat this!

Kamek: Mario swings his hammer at Roy but Roy catches it! They’re both struggling.

Huff: Let me help you with that.

Kamek: Huff is going up and is going for a bodyslam! Wait, Lakilester is up to something!

Lakilester: Hang on, Mario! Spiny Surge!

Kamek: Lakilester is throwing an unreal amount of Spiny eggs at Huff and Roy! Huff seems to have stopped dead in his tracks.

Huff: Hey now! That there hurts!

Kamek: Roy has let go and now Mario squashes him! Mario is now going through his pockets.

Mario: Yes, the Multi Bounce badge!

Kamek: Mario is putting something on? Now he is jumping on all the Tuffs, defeating them. Now he jumped on Huff and now Roy!

Roy: Ow! You’re jumping days are down, Mario!

Lakilester: Catch!

Kamek: Lakilester threw a Spiny at Roy and now it’s biting him.

Roy: Get him off me!

Huff: I got it! Oops!

Roy: Aaaahhhh!

Kamek: Huff squashed Roy and defeated the Spiny that was on him. Now Mario just threw his hammer at Huff.

Huff: Bad choice! Get him, Tuffs!

Tuff: Right away, sir.

Kamek: The Tuffs are going after Mario but he is just swinging his hammer and defeating them. What’s this? Roy grabbed Mario and now threw him at Lakilester.

Mario: Sorry, Lakilester.

Lakilester: It’s all right.

Huff: Not no more it ain’t!

Kamek: Huff is shooting lightning bolts at Mario and Lakilester. They are running round the ring.

Mario: Help me, Superman!

Superman: You had your chance.


Luigi: How are we going to get that key?

Kooper: Hmm, maybe if…

Crash! The gang look and sees…

Mario: Superman?! I wanted Chuck Norris.

Superman flies away sadly and Chuck Norris comes onto the scene.


Mario: Darn it!

Kamek: Mario got hit! Now he is on the floor and Roy is walking over to him.

Roy: Any last words, plumber?

Mario: Yes! Strange Cake!

Kamek: Mario just ate a cake and disappeared!

Roy: Where’d ya go?

Mario: Behind you!

Kamek: Mario must have hammered Roy, because he is flying through the ring.

Huff: This isn’t good. OW!

Kamek: Now Huff sounds like he is being jumped on. Now Lakilester is helping Mario and throwing Spiny eggs at Huff.

Huff: You punks don’t know who you’re messing with!

Kamek: Huff is sucking in air again. The Tuffs are starting to get sucked in!

Lakilester: Not on my cool watch! Spiny Surge!

Kamek: Amazing! The Spinies defeated all the Tuffs before Huff could get any energy back.

Huff: Well, no use wasting air.

Kamek: Now Huff is spewing back the air with powerful force. It’s blowing away Lakilester.

Mario: Mamamia!

Kamek: Mario is now visible. Both of them are on the floor.

Roy: Yaaaahhhhhhh!

Kamek: Holy! Roy is about to land on Mario. I can’t look!


Kamek: I’d hate to be Roy right now. Mario rolled out of the way and now Roy crashed through his own floor. He appears to be stuck.

Roy: Don’t tell him that, you dolt!

Mario 2/25
Lakilester 1/20
Roy 18/70
Huff N’ Puff 22/120

Huff: We’re getting our butts handed to us!

Mario: Ah, a Honey Super!

Kamek: Mario just ate a Mushroom covered in honey. I’ve got to try that!

Mario + 20 HP + 10 FP!

Mario: Catch!

Lakilester: Thanks, Mario!

Kamek: Now Lakilester is munching on a Super Mushroom!

Lakilester + 20 HP!

Roy: I’m almost out! Uh oh!


Kamek: Mario hit Roy hard enough that he went through the floor!

Roy: You’re not the only one who can recover their HP! I’ll thank Lemmy for this magic spell!

Roy + 10 HP!

Kamek: Roy gave himself HP and now Huff is now going up to Mario!

Huff: Don’t blow my cover!

Mario: Ha!

Kamek: Mario backflipped and is now behind Huff. Now Lakilester is throwing Spiny eggs at Huff.

Huff: You sure are annoying!

Roy: Sucker!

Kamek: Roy jumped out of the hole and landed right on Lakilester! Now the Tuffs have gotten a hold of Mario.

Huff: I’m going to pummel ya!

Kamek: Roy is punching the downed Lakilester, and Huff is punching the held Mario!

Mario: OW! Not yeowch for oof long!

Huff: Gah!

Roy: It burns!

Kamek: Mario pulled out a Fire Flower and burned both Roy and Huff as well as the Tuffs.

Lakilester: Take that!

Kamek: Lakilester got up and threw another Spiny egg at Roy!

Roy: Get the blasted thing off me!

Mario: Pasta Power!


Kamek: While Roy was busy getting the Spiny off, Mario jumped onto the roof of the cage again and stomped Roy!

Roy: That does it! Roy Special!

Mario: Aaaahhhh! Owowowowow! Oof!

Kamek: Roy is unleashing a huge amount of fists into Mario’s face. Now Huff is charging up another lightning attack.

Lakilester: I have to help! Spiny Surge!

Kamek: The Spinies hit both Huff and Roy. However Roy seems unaffected by the Spinies!

Huff: Die!

Lakilester: Catch!

Roy: Huh? Ahhhhhhh! BLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAGADIBLAGIDIAAAG! End… Transmi…sion… ugh…

Pokey: Roy out.

Kamek: … I have seen a lot of stuff but none like this! Huff released his lightning all over the ring again! It went up to the cage again just as Lakilester threw a Spiny in Roy’s way! Roy tripped on the Spiny and crashed right into the electrical cage!

Larry: Can you say irony?

Huff: This isn’t good at all.

Mario 10/25
Lakilester 8/20
Roy Fainted
Huff N’ Puff 11/120

Kamek: Huff is sucking his Tuffs back in!

Lakilester: Now he is not! Spiny Surge!

Kamek: Once again the Spinies have destroyed all the Tuffs.

Huff: Then take this!

Kamek: Now Huff is blowing his wind again. Mario has jumped onto the top of the cage again and avoided the attack. Lakilester wasn’t so lucky. Now Mario has jumped onto Huff again!

Lakilester: Here’s my resignation!

Huff: OW! I’ll take it with your life!

Kamek: Huff got hit in the face with a Spiny.

Huff: It’s time! Get ready Tuffs!

Tuff: Will you be all right, Master?

Huff: This ain’t over yet, Mario!

Kamek: Huh? Huff has sucked in some air and now his Tuffs are flying up. He’s joining them and-


Mario: Mamamia! Ugh…

Lakilester: Not cool!

Huff: Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Kamek: Yes! Huff hit the ring with such force that it created a powerful shockwave that knocked out Mario and Lakilester.

Pokey: Lakilester out. Mario o-

Mario: Don’t count on it!

Kamek: What’s this? Mario is standing up.

Mario: A Life Shroom can go a long way.

Huff: Im…impossible!

Kamek: Oh no! I can’t watch!

Mario: Power Jump!


Pokey: Huff out. Mario winner.

Huff: No! Lord Bowser I have failed you!


Battle Over! Mario wins= 35 Star Points! Mario and Co = 5 HP!

Kamek: And so that dang plumber wins again!

Roy: Time to go!

Pokey: Roy out… of Sports Hall.

Mario: He’s getting away with the Star Card!

Luigi: Freed ya!

Luigi free Watt from inside the generator of the electric chair.

Watt: I have to stop him.

Mario: Watt, wait!

Watt quickly flies to the doomship hangar. The doomship starts taking off but Watt quickly climbs aboard. Roy is on the deck.

Roy: What do you want, pipsqueak?

Watt: That Star Card.

Roy: You’ll have to fight me for it!

Watt: Okay.

Roy punches Watt but gets electrocuted.

Roy: Ow! What the?!

Watt: My turn!

Watt shocks Roy and he steps back.

Roy: Wise guy, eh?

Watt: I’m a girl.

Roy: Shut up!

Roy gets out his wand and shoots geometric shapes at Watt. Watt gets hits and hits the floor hard. Roy fires out a beam but Watt quickly dodges. Watt charges up electricity and actually shoots a beam of electricity at Roy. Roy counters with a fire beam from his wand. The beams hit each other and an explosion occurs. Roy coughs under all the smoke and can’t see. A beam of electricity pierces through the smoke and hits Roy at full force. The beam is so strong that-

Roy: Huh? Is that…

Watt: Woah…

Roy grew hair!

Roy: Yes! I finally have hair! Yippee!

Watt sees her chance and shocks him again. He falls to the floor and drops his wand. The wand spews out fire and Watt ducks to avoid getting hit. The fire bounces off a Roy statue and hits Roy. His brand new hair catches on fire.


Roy tries to put out the fire by rolling. He accidentally rolls of the deck of the ship… into a 500-foot drop.


Watt grabs the Star Card and floats away as the doomship starts blowing up. Watt makes it back to the group as they see the doomship blow up into tiny pieces.

Just one more Star Spirit to go! Can they get it? Can they survive the new challenges that lay ahead? Why was Toad in a murdering rampage? Is there a surprise lurking up ahead? Only one answer will be given, and that is yes. Can you handle the suspense? How did Roy grow hair? Why did Larry help out Mario? Why is Lakilester such a wimp? Tune in for the concluding chapters of The Dark Prognosticus!

Read on!

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