The Dark Prognosticus, Chapter 1: Paper Mario, The TRUE Story

By Dimentio

Sub Chapter 3: I’m on break

Bowser: Huh?!

Kammy: I dare say it’s true, Your Nastiness.

Bowser: I am not referring to you, haggy! In the new Mario & Luigi, I’m playable?! Hmm, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not for my reputation.

Kammy: Astounding! Ergh…I mean…Your Gruesomeness! Morton and Tutankoopa were defeated by Mario!!!

Bowser, at hearing this, gets a heart attack. The Star Rod revives him and he gets up.

Bowser: Okay, as soon as you see him, bring him to me for…I will murder him.

Kammy: You can’t! He died!

Bowser: Oh… Well then.

He uses the Star Rod and revives Morton. He also teleports him to Bowser’s Room.

Morton: I, Morton Koopa Jr, is alive, breathing, functioning, not game o-


Morton: Oh dear…

Again The Dark Prognosticus must bl- Oh look, it’s over already. Morton’s corpse goes flying out the Iggy-shaped window. In the Underwhere…

Iggy: Hey Morton! Mario beat you up?

Morton: Yep.

Iggy: I’m sure we won’t be here long. King Dad will revive us… I hope.

Back at Bowser’s Castle…

Bowser: Okay, I’ll revive those two… later.

Just then Bowser sees Kammy talking to a Koopatrol.

Kammy: Your Fatness, it seems Ludwig requires your presence.

Bowser: Hey, if he needs me than he can come to me.

Kammy: He says it’s important. Come, he is in the torture room.

Kammy and Bowser leave and go to the torture room. They see Ludwig in a lab coat with goggles on. They see a huge table and the blankets are covering some huge creature. Ludwig walks up to them.

Ludwig: Greetings, Father. I’m sure you are wondering why I called you.

Bowser: What’s the big deal calling me from my comfy room?

Ludwig: You see, after extensive studying, I have finally found a way to make a minion invincible so he can finally crush Mario.

Bowser: That’s great! Bye.

Ludwig: Wait King Pop. I need the power of your Star Rod in order to do this!

Bowser: Just use your Star Card!

Ludwig: Uh, that’s the problem… I used up its magic already to turn the minion supersize. Look, I need to perform magic on him, so please, King Pop… Let me use the Rod.

Bowser: No!

Ludwig: It’ll help stop Mario once and for all!

Bowser: Hmph. Fine!

Bowser hands Ludwig the Star Rod. Ludwig gets on a lift and gets close to the huge being.

Ludwig: You guys may want to turn around.

Ludwig takes out a chainsaw.

Kammy: You’re mad!

Ludwig: *laugh from the SMB3 cartoons here*

He starts sawing away and finds what he is looking for.

Ludwig: Excellent…

Ludwig puts on gloves and takes out the heart!

Bowser: 0_0

Kammy: 0.o

Ludwig: I wish for this being to be… invincible!

Ludwig zaps the heart with a ray from the Rod. Ludwig sets it down and looks at his minion. He waits for movement. The hand starts to move and it starts to get up.

Ludwig: He… He’s alive! And invincible! I’m so smart!

Bowser then sees the heart move… and it grows eyes!

Bowser: *yelp*

Ludwig: Father, meet Master Tubba Blubba!

Tubba: Hello, King Bowser.

Bowser: Awesome! Ludwig, my boy, you have outdone yourself. You’re so bad I’m proud to be your dad! No way Mario can beat you now! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Meanwhile with Peach…

Peach: Got any 3s?

Twink: Go fish.

Peach throws away her cards in anger.

Peach: This game stinks… Let’s sneak out.

Peach pushes the button by the fireplace, goes through the hallway, pushes the other button, and is now in Bowser’s room.

Peach: I wonder if Mario has rescued the next Star Spirit?

They look at the window and see the Morton-shaped hole.

Peach: Yep. Come on, let’s see if we can find any more information.

Peach goes out door. However about ten guards are in front of the door.

Peach: Uh… Is that a gold coin on the floor?

Koopatrols: Where?

Peach grabs one of them and knocks out the guards with him.

Twink: 0_o  How did you do that?

Peach: Oh, I didn’t appear in SMB2 for nothing.

Peach sees Bowser coming up the stairs and decides to hide in the next room. She sees it’s the library.

Peach: Come on, I think the coast is clear.

Twink: Hang on, we could find something interesting.

Twink points at a group of henchmen sitting down around a table. They walk behind a bookshelf and eavesdrop.

Koopatrol: And that is why you need a male and a female. Any more questions on babies?

Hammer Bro: This is stupid!

Koopatrol: Well after the little performance done by Ludwig I’m trying to talk about something else.

Koopa: Yeah, he’s not good at playing piano.

Magickoopa: Not that, you dunce. What Baron Ludwig did with that massive Cluba.

Koopatrol: Shh! Call him Master Tubba Blubba! Have some respect for the invincible!

Hammer Bro: He is right! Ludwig and Tubba Blubba are going back to Gusty Gulch to hide that Star Spirit.

Koopa: Don’t you have to go through the Forever Forest to get there?

Twink: Jackpot! I’ll go tell Mario.

Twink heads toward the window, but before he gets there…

Hammer Bro: Is that a fly? Buzz of!

The Hammer Bro throws a book at Twink and he goes flying out the window.

Peach: *sigh* Poor Twink…

Chapter 14: Dojo Fights 1

Mario and Co are outside talking to Mamar.

Mamar: Thank you, Mario, for freeing me.

Co: Again, we helped too, ya know!

Mamar: Anyway, I now grant you my power.

Mario can now call Mamar for help!

Mamar: Please rescue the remaining Star Spirits.

Mamar ascends to Star Heaven just when Mario remembers something.

Mario: !  Hey, how do I summon you guys?! Drat, she can’t hear me. Well gang, let’s-a go.

Three hours of getting lost later…

Mario and Co have barely made it out of Dry Dry Desert.

Luigi: I wouldn’t think that we’d see Bandit Khan again.

Toad: Who knew they had guns?

They long jump across the gap, hike down the trail, and almost make it to the train station when…

Kooper: Hey Mario, look over there.

Mario sees a Blue Block being blocked off by a Stone Block.

Mario: What about it? Everyone already got upgraded.

Kooper: Except me!

Toad: He means everybody important.

Kooper swipes Mario’s hammer, breaks the block, and hits the Blue Block. Mario and Co see blue lightning and hear painful screaming.

Mario: I smell turtle soup.

Kooper learns Dizzy Shell! A crispy Kooper goes back and gives back Mario’s hammer.

Kooper: *cough* Well now that that’s taken care of, let’s go back to Toad Town.

Mario: You don’t tell me what to do!

Mario hits Kooper with his hammer and he gets launched into the train. Mario and Co proceed to enter the train as well. They soon arrive back at Toad Town.

Mario: I give that buffet three stars.

Toad: There was no buffet of any sorts.

Mario: The reader doesn’t kno-

Luigi: Well now what, Bro?

Mario: Hmm, it usually takes some time for Twink to get over here. We might as well take a look around someplace.

Toad: Hmm, I gots an idea.

They go the entrance of Toad Town. Toad points at the town Dojo.

Toad: I heard some things about that place. I think we should check it out.

Toad sees Mario is way ahead of him. Mario slams the door open.

Mario: Ok, I want to fight the guy in charge of this dump.

Mario sees a green Buzzy Beetle, a Duplighost, and an old Toad.

Mario: ?

The Master: If you wish to fight *hack, cough* me you must go through my loser apprentices.

Chan and Lee: Hey!

The Master: I only say you’re losers compared to… Actually I can’t *wheeze hack* think of a way to finish that sentence. So fight.

Mario: Wait, I didn’t-


Chan lunges onto Mario face. The enemy- Oh, you should know by now!

Mario 13/15
Luigi 13/13
Toad 12/12
Chan 15/15


Toad: Hold still, Mario, I have him.

I’m pretty sure you know what’s going to happen next. You don’t? Fine. Toad gets out his hammer and swings for Chan. However Chan gets off Mario’s face and Wham! Mario gets launched by the hammer. Chan gets in his shell and spins around. However Luigi jumps on him and he gets flipped over. They gang up on Chan and pretty soon the flipped Beetle is defeated.

The Master: Lame. Lee, you’re up.

Lee: Yes Master.

Mario: Hold u-

Lee tackles Mario!

Mario: 8/15
Luigi 13/13
Toad 12/12
Lee 20/20

Lee: I am a master of mimicking! Watch!

Lee turns into Mario.

Mario: ?

Mario jumps on Mario???. Luigi takes out his hammer but then Mario and Mario??? get into a cartoon cloud fight. Soon enough they stop and Luigi doesn’t know which one to hit.

Mario: Luigi, it’s-a me, your brother!

Mario: Don’t be fooled, Luigi. I’m-a the real Mario.

Luigi: Hmm. Time to do the ultimate test.

Luigi takes out Kooper.

Kooper: What? Two Marios?

Mario: You know it’s-s me, right buddy?

Mario: You-a know that I’m Mario, right Tabatha?

Kooper: THAT IS A @&%$ GIRL’S NAME!!!

Luigi: Jackpot!

Luigi uses Super Jump on Mario??? and he falls down. Kooper uses Shell Toss and Lee reverts back to himself.

Lee: One more try.

Lee turns into Kooper???. Mario, however, just flips him over and uses Power Jump. POW!

The Master: Even more lame. Well then, now you get the privilege to fight me.

Mario: Now that is more like it.

Mario 5/15
Luigi 13/13
Toad 12/12
The Master 40/40

Mario: I feel generous so you can have the first hit.

The Master: If that’s what *cough* you want.

The Master holds out his fist and charges towards Mario.

Mario: This is pathe-

POW! The Master hits Mario and he goes flying out of the Dojo.

Luigi: Wow…0.0

SMB 3 Underground mid.

Chapter 15: Exploring Toad Town Sewers 1

Luigi, Toad, and what’s his name leave the Dojo.

WHN (What’s His Name): So where do you think Mario landed?

Toad: Well, according to how much force The Master used, we add that as force, subtract Mario’s weight, look at the angle, convert that into radians, minus wind resistance, and he should have landed in that warp pipe.

Luigi: Amazing! How did you do that?!

Toad: What? Oh no. I was just reading it off a fortune scroll I got from Merlon.

WHN: Of course. Well then, come on.

Luigi, Toad, and that Koopa go to the south side of Toad Town and see the warp pipe.

Luigi: Mario had to fall through here. I can smell the tomato sauce from here.

Toad: Last one in is a rotten koopa.

WHN: I am offended!

They go in and arrive in Toad Town Sewers.

Luigi: Hmm, I wonder where my pasta pulverizing brother is?

WHN: Well maybe if you looked there.

Luigi looks and sees spaghetti strings on the floor. It leaves a trail that goes behind the Stone Block. Luigi breaks through it and they continue on their way. When they make it to the second room…


Luigi and Co see a huge Blooper.


They run on ahead as fast as they can, their green leader leaving a yellow trail.

Electro Blooper: I just wanted someone to hang out with.

Luigi and Co have run so fast that they don’t know where they ran to.

Toad: I hate lost! And I hate the guy who invented it!

Luigi: This is a pain in the-

WHN: Family Friendly!

Luigi: What I was going to say neck.

Toad: I smell meatballs.

Luigi: Jackpot!

They follow the smell and see a knocked out Mario next to a treasure chest. Luigi grabs his big bro and Toad opens up the chest. They got the Power Smash badge!

Luigi: Here you go, Mario, a meatball sandw… Where did it go?

Luigi sees Mario already devoured the sandwich.

Mario: Thanks, Little Brother.

Luigi: I was worried about you, Little Big Bro.

Mario: Thanks, Big Little B-


Mario and Luigi look and see Toad hitting a pipe with his hammer.

Mario Bros: You’ll pay for wrecking this precious brother moment!

Toad: I wonder what this pipe is for?

Toad hits the pipe that clearly says “Toad Town Sewers main water pipe”. Just as the Mario Bros. get their hand on him…


The pipe bursts open and the water launches Mario and Co out of Toad Town Sewers.

Mario: Mamamia.

Twink: Mario!

Mario: Right on schedule.

Twink: One of the honorable Star Spirits is being held in the Forever Forest. Be careful on this one, Mario. Big trouble is lurking there.

Mario: What is that supposed to mean?

Twink: We will be rooting for you!

Twink flies away.

Mario: Don’t ignore me again, you yellow marshmallow! Come on, gang, let’s-a go.

Mario and Co head towards the Forever Forest, ignoring the water that is starting to gush out of the warp pipe. They get to the entrance but Luigi stops everyone dead in their tracks.

Mario: What is it, Bro?

Luigi: There is a mo-monster out here!

Mario: Ugh, Luigi, you always were a bit cowardly.

Just then they see the same shadow of the 15-foot clawed, hairy beast. Luigi starts screaming and running but Mario holds on to his collar.

Mario: You’re scared of that?

Mario points and Luigi sees it’s just the shadow of a rabbit.

Luigi: Oh.

They continue and enter the forest amidst the screaming of the Toad Town residents.

Toad Town Residents: WHERE ARE THE MARIO BROS?!

Read on!

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