The Dark Prognosticus, Chapter 1: Paper Mario, The TRUE Story

By Dimentio

Sub-Chapter 4: True or False?


Kammy: I say it’s true!

Bowser: How could this have happened?

Kammy: Mario just somehow bested your son.

Bowser: Oh, you’re here, grandma.

Kammy: … Let me guess, you didn’t hear a word I said.

Bowser: No. I just realized something… I’M FAT!!!

Kammy: T_T  Who, you? Impossible…

Bowser: It’s true! I was going through my garbage when I found Kamek’s old birthday present from about fiveyears ago.

Kammy: Well what is it?

Bowser: Some machine that shows you how much you weigh. I never heard of it.

Kammy: Your Tubbyness! Mario defeated Tubba Blubba AND Ludwig!

Bowser implodes.

Kammy: Oh dear… Too much?

The Star Rod glows and Bowser comes back to life. Bowser starts to weep.

Bowser: Why can’t *sob* my children win?! What is *sneeze* wrong with them?!

Kamek: Well since you are a loser I guess it got passed down to your children.

Bowser: WHAT?!

Kamek: Oh boy. Should have not stopped by-

FOOM! Kamek gets launched out the door by a huge fireball.

???: The reason they lose is ‘cause they’re boys.

Bowser looks up.

Bowser: What do you want, Wendy?

Wendy: Daddykins, I don’t want to guard this Star Spirit. What if those icky, pesky plumbers try to hurt me?

Bowser: I know, Sweetie, but you and your henchmen just have to keep that Star away from Mario.

Wendy: But I DON’T WANT TO!!!

She starts throwing a temper tantrum.

Bowser: Well why don’t you want to protect that Star Spirit?

Wendy: He’s ugly! He has a bow and a book with him! Please!

Bowser: All right, Sweedums, here’s a deal. What if I trade another Star Card with yours?

Wendy: Well…

Bowser uses the Star Rod and switches Star Cards.

Wendy: Yay! This guy is SOOOOOOO much cuter! Don’t worry, King Daddykins, my army and I will make sure those pesky plumbers don’t get their hands on him.

Bowser: Great to hear it! … Uh, army?

???: Tally ho!

Bowser sees a white Shy Guy fallowed by some ordinary Shy Guys.

Bowser: ?  So your army consists of… Shy Guys?

Wendy: Aren’t they just CUTE, King Daddykins?

General Guy: Uh, yes, well, rest assured that I, General Guy, will stops these plumbers. Men, depart!

Shy Squad: Yes sir!

They leave and General Guy also heads out the door. However Bowser stops him…

Bowser: Hold on, how can pipsqueaks like you defeat Mario? I mean, he beat my oldest- AUGH!

Bowser sees what looks like a ghost of Ludwig.

Ludwig’s Ghost: Uh, hi, King Pop.

Bowser: I’d kill you if it weren’t for the fact that you’re dead.

LG: Uh, I’m not exactly dead. The Boos just-

General Guy: To answer your question, I used the Star Card to order a secret weapon! No way Mario can defeat us now.

Wendy: Right, so my little Shyster, let’s get out of here.

They leave Bower to his thoughts.

With Peach…

Twink: King me.

Peach throws away the chess pieces.

Peach: Hmph!

Twink: For someone they look up to as pure, you sure are a sore loser.

Peach: It runs in the family. Well, might as well go see if Mario has won yet.

They go through the entire process but when they get to Bowser’s room…

Bowser: Come on, crusty old hag, help me think.

Kammy: Think of what, Your Stupidness?

Bowser: What?

Kammy: Nothing.

Bowser: If the same process keeps repeating, Mario will defeat all my Koopalings. We have to nail him now in Shy Guy’s Toy Box.

Twink: !

Bowser: I smell something nice.

Bowser turns around and sees Peach behind him.

Peach: Uh… Hi?

Bowser: Hello Princess, glad to see you.

Bowser turns around and Twink goes through the Morton-shaped window.

Bowser: !  Wait a minute, PEACH?! How the @&%$ does she keep getting out?!

Kammy: Now Your Clumsyness. Perhaps this is our chance.

Bowser: Of course! Now Peach, which one of these does Mario hate?
A. Goomba
B. Dry Bones
C. 1-Up

Peach: I’d definitely say the Dry Bones.

Bowser: Good, now which of these does he loathe?
A. Koopa Troopa
B. Hammer Bro
C. Ultra Shroom

Peach: Are you kidding? The Hammer Bros, of course.

Bowser: Great! Now which of these make him tremble in fear?
A. You
B. Francis
C. Pasta made out of whole grain

Peach: Seriously? Once I made him pasta out of whole grain and he screamed!

Bowser: Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! Excellent! Peach, you are free to go to your room. Haggy, go deliver this stuff to Shy Guy’s Toy Box ASA now!

Kammy: Yes, Your Gullibleness.

Some guards come and grab Peach but she gets them in a headlock.

Bowser: Pathetic! This is how you do it!

He tries to bodyslam Peach but she rolls out of the way. The minions are squished.

Bowser: Forget this! I wish the princess was back in her room!

Peach is teleported to her room. She goes to her balcony.

Peach: Oh Mario, please hurry…

Chapter 19: A Batty Battle

At Bow’s Mansion, Tubba Blubba is still out cold. Mario and Co are talking to the Star Spirit.

Skolar: Thank you all for freeing me.

Co: Finally, someone who thanks us!

Skolar: Weird. Now Mario, receive my power!

Mario can now call Skolar for help!

Skolar: Mario, you must hurry. Even though Bowser may not know it, the Star Rod is increasing his health. You must stop him!

Mario: Before you go, how do I call you guys?

Skolar: You should know!

Skolar ascends to Star Heaven as Mario pounds the ground.

Mario: Drat!

Bow: Look, he is waking up!

Tubba Blubba gets up and starts to cry.

Tubba: Wah! I’m so sorry! *sneeze, sob* I’ll give back all the Boos I ate!

Tubba opens his mouth and all the Boos he ate are released.

Tubba: I never wanted to fight people anyway. All I wanted was to be a TV star.

Tubba runs away crying.

Bow: Ah ha ha! That was rather fun. Say you guys, mind if I keep traveling with you?

Mario and Co: Yes.

She slaps them all.

Bow: Well I’m tagging along anyways.

Mario: Well we’d better head back to Toad Town.

They go back to the Forever Forrest. Just then…

???: Ahh! BUGS! *screech* Get them off me! Ahh! Whose shadow is that?! IT’S THE BOOGEYMAN!!! WAH! I’M LOST IN THIS FREAKY FOREST!

Mario: ?

Just then Jr. Troopa runs into Mario.

Jr. Troopa: Oh, it’s Mario! Thank DAD I found you!

He hugs Mario.

Mario: ???  Okay…

Jr. Troopa: Uh, I mean, ah ha!

He kicks Mario in the shins.

Jr. Troopa got the first strike!

Mario 18/20
Luigi 18/18
Toad 17/17
Jr. Troopa 40/40

Mario falls over and Luigi helps him up.

Jr. Troopa: Watch this, you Mustached Morons. Transform!

Jr. Troopa gets engulfed in a puff of smoke. When it clears a coffin takes his place.

Luigi: Oh, this looks bad…

It opens and Jr. Troopa flies out.

Jr. Troopa: Say hello to Count Troopula!

Toad: Lame.

Count Troopula grabs onto Mario’s face.

Mario: @&%$!

Troopula grows fangs and aims at Mario’s neck. Luigi acts fast and throws his hammer at Troopula. He lets go of Mario and Mario ducks to avoid getting hit by the hammer. Troopula sky bombs into Luigi and slams him into a tree. Toad sneaks up to Troopula but he turns around. Toad acts fast and throws his hammer at him. Troopula quickly descends and tackles Toad. The hammer hits the tree and it shakes hard. A beehive falls on Luigi.

Luigi: Wah!

He quickly swats it in Troopula’s direction. He gets hit and two Bzzaps come out of it. He kicks one and defeats it. The other stings him but Troopula quickly deals with him. Mario sees an opening and uses Power Jump. POW! Troopula shakes it off and kicks Mario away. Mario gets back on his feet and takes out his hammer. Luigi and Toad do the same and they all throw their hammers at once. Troopula just flies up and they end up hitting each other.

Mario: Argh! This isn’t working!

Jr. Troopula: Had enough, Faucet Face?

Luigi: Ah-ha ha!

Luigi Super Jumps on Troopula and brings him down.

Mario 9/20
Luigi 8/18
Toad 10/17
Count Troopula 20/40

Troopula: This isn’t looking good, so…

He quickly slams Toad into the ground and grows out his fangs.

Toad: No! I LIKE my blood!

Count Troopula starts sapping Toad’s health while the Mario Bros. watch in horror. Mario snaps out of it and uses Power Smash. POW!! Troopula lets go and Toad is still on the floor. Troopula + 8 HP. Luigi goes up to Toad.

Luigi: You okay?

Toad: @_@

Mario: Bro, look out!

Luigi turns around just as Troopula pins him down and grows out his fangs.

Luigi: Mamamia!

Luigi is about to Super Jump away when Toad also pins him down with his hammer.

Luigi: Toad! What are you-

Troopula starts sapping away Luigi’s health. Troopula + 5 HP!

Mario: Mamamia! When a vampire bites a person, they also become vampires!

Luigi and Toad: Destroy Mario!

Bow and that Koopa come out.

Bow: Wow, what happened to them?

Troopula: They are under my control! Attack them, my slaves!

Luigi uses Super Jump and heads towards Mario. Mario quickly rolls out of the way. Toad grabs WHN.

WHN: Not this time!

WHN uses Dizzy Shell and spins around wildly. Toad spins with him but keeps his grip on him. WHN stops and Toad has not been affected.

WHN: Just great!

Toad throws him in Bow’s direction. She turns transparent and heads towards Toad. She slaps the sense back to him.

Toad: What did I do?!

Unfortunately that also cost him some HP.

Toad: …

Toad faints. Meanwhile Mario and Luigi have taken out their wrenches and are going at it.

Mario: Luigi, err, snap out of it!

Luigi: Smash, pound, crush, destroy…

Mario: You’re supposed to be my brother, not Morton!

Luigi Super Jumps again and Mario long jumps to avoid it. However he long jumps towards Troopula, who pins him down. He grows out his fangs.

Mario: Help!

WHN uses Power Shell and hits both Luigi and Troopula. Troopula lets go of Mario and he swats Troopula away with his hammer. Luigi faints from the Power Shell attack.

Mario: Luigi! Wah!

While Mario is mourning for his brother, Troopula kicks him. Mario falls down on the floor. Troopula goes in for a dive bomb but Bow uses Outta Sight and makes Mario disappear. Crash! He crashes into the ground and gets stuck. Mario becomes visible again and uses Power Jump. POW! Troopula gets up but Mario doesn’t let up and uses Power Smash. POW! He buries him underneath his hammer.

Troopula: This is not good…

Mario jumps on him but Troopula bites onto his foot.

Mario: Ow!

He throws his hammer away in pain and it hits WHN. He retracts into his shell and hits a tree hard. Another beehive falls down and about 10 Bzzaps come out.

Bzzaps: Who did this?!

Mario and Co point at Count Troopula.

Troopula: *gulp*

The Bzzaps start swarming around him. He runs away.

Troopula: I’ll get you for this, Mario!

Battle Over! Mario wins = 20 Star Points!

Mario picks up his little bro and WHN picks up Toad. They leave Forever Forrest.

Chapter 20: Exploring Toad Town 2

Mario and Co have made it to Toad Town. Ahead they see Jr. Troopa.

Jr. Troopa: Yes! I lost those stupid bees and I got out of that forest. Oh, I could kiss the ground! Yipee!

He runs ahead until…

Jr. Troopa: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Help! I can’t swim!

Mario and Co: ?

They head on and see Toad Town is completely flooded with sewer water.

Mario: Is this bad?

They see a lot of Scuba Guys in the water. They head into people’s homes and grab stuff.

WHN: This does look bad.

Having no choice, they swim to the inn and take a rest. When they wake up they see they are underwater.

Mario: *gargle*

They swim out of the inn and swim to Merlon’s roof.

Mario: What happened?

Merlon: Toad Town’s main water pipe exploded or something.

Toad: Uh, right, exploded…

Merlon: You guys are the superstar plumbers. Go fix this!

Merlon shoots out a lightning bolt to get them going. They fall into the sewer water.

Mario: Come on, you guys, we have to re-plumb the plumbing.

Bow: I’m sorry, but the rich don’t do plumbing.

Toad: Too bad, snooty!

Bow slaps him and off they go. They swim to the warp pipe gushing out the water, and enter.

Mario: Come on, you guys. We need to find that water pipe.

Luigi: Holy Ravioli! Look out, Mario!

Mario turns around and starts getting strangled by a Blooper.

Toad: Wow. When did Bloopers know how to strangle?

Luigi smacks Toad while Bow smacks the Blooper. It runs away and lets go of Mario.

Mario: Whew… Thanks, Bow.

Bow: No problem.

They continue to pass drowning Gloombas. When they reach the main water pipe room, they see a horde of Bloopers.

Blooper: Those are the guys that hurt me!

Mario and Co: Crud!

They swarm in on them and start strangling them. They start turning blue except Bow.

Bow: *mph* Let go of me! AAARRRGGGHHH!

She uses Spook and scares all the Bloopers away.

Mario: Thanks again, Bow. You are definitely more useful than Tom… Uh, where’d he go?

With the Bloopers…

Blooper: Well, at least we managed to bag us a Koopa.

WHN: Why am I constantly about to be eaten?! This is worst than the Mario-forgets-my-name gag!

The Mario Bros. get to work on the water pipe.

Mario: Wrench.

Luigi: Wrench.

Luigi hands Mario a wrench.

Mario: Hacksaw.

Luigi: Hacksaw.

Luigi hands Mario a hacksaw and Mario throws the wrench away.

Mario: Shell.

Luigi: Shell?

WHN pops out of his torn apart shell.

WHN: Why did I bring this upon myself?

Mario: All right, let’s-a flush!

Mario turns a valve and all the sewer water gets flushed back into Toad Town Sewers.

Mario: Plumbtastic!

Toad: Lame.

Mario jumps on Toad. They head back to Toad Town.

Mario: The town is still being overrun by Shy Guys!

Toad: I never voted for Shy Guys to run this town!


Mario: T_T   And you say we’re lame. Come on, we have to find the source of all this.

Twink: Mario!

Mario: About time.

Twink: A Star Spirit is being held in a place called Shy Guy’s Toy Box. Please Mario, head there at once.

Twink flies away.

Mario: I still think he is somewhat useless. Whenever he tells us about a place, we don’t know where it is!

Luigi: But Mario, don’t you see? If the Shy Guys are here then this Toy Box of theirs has to be here too!

Mario: Right! Let’s get searching! Remember though, don’t do anything stupid!

Co: Right!


Mario heads of to the north side of Toad Town. He goes to Rowf’s badge shop.

Mario: Yo! By any chance have you seen a toy box?

Rowf: Buzz off! I’m trying to calculate my sales.

Mario: Don’t snap at me!

Mario slaps the calculator out of Rowf’s hands. It lands right in a Shy Guy’s hands.

Shy Guy: Thanks, sucker!

He runs away. Mario has the anime sweatdrop.

Mario: Uh, oops.

Mario hears a gun getting cocked behind him.

Mario: Oh crud…

With Luigi…

Luigi decides to ask Russ T. for help.

Luigi: Russ T, I need your-

Luigi sees Russ T. fighting a Shy Guy for a book.

Luigi: Luigi will help! Ah-ha ha!

Luigi tries to Super Jump the Shy Guy but-

Luigi: Owch!

He forgot he was inside a house, and hits the ceiling hard. This causes the house to shake hard as well. The bookcase starts to lean down on Russ T.

Russ T: What the?!

Crash! The Shy Guy gets the book and runs for it. Luigi falls back down and sees the bookcase barely missed Russ T.

Luigi: Hehe, sorry?

Russ T: Get out.

With Toad…

Yes, Toad too decided to check out the north part of Toad Town. He goes to the post office.

Toad: Out of my way! Official hero business.

Mail Paratroopa: What are you doing?!

Toad has started throwing out mail from a bag, thinking he could find something. A Shy Guy comes in with a bag and the mail lands in it.

Shy Guy: Yay! Time to go, chumps!

He runs away and Toad is getting attacked by the mail Paratroopa.

With WHN…

WHN: Ugh! Where is Toad? I want my wallet back so I can finally end this nightmare and go home. What the?

WHN sees a Shy Guy running off with his wallet.

WHN: Darn it! Toad must have dropped it and now that Shy Guy has it!

WHN runs after him and goes to the train station.

Mister T: Help! Shy Guys are on the train tracks.

WHN: I’ll handle them!

WHN swipes the keys and starts the train. He goes full speed towards the Shy Guys. However they are acrobatic and barely dodge the train. WHN pokes his head out the window and sees he missed.

WHN: Drat!

He looks ahead and sees two Shy Guys putting a Bob-omb on the tracks. BOOM! There is now a gaping hole.

WHN: Mega crud!

He jumps out of the train just as it falls into the hole. WHN gets up and dusts himself off.

WHN: Well that could have been much worse.

The train implodes. The explosion sends WHN flying.

With Bow…

Bow also goes to the north side of Toad Town. She goes to the shop and sees the Shy Guy tieing and gagging the owner. The Shy Guy spots Bow.

Shy Guy: Welcome to Shy Guy’s Shop! Too bad I’m not going to sell you anything.

Bow: Oh yeah?

Shy Guy: Yeah!

Bow uses Spook. The Shy Guy doesn’t even flinch.

Shy Guy: That’s not scary. Watch this!

He takes off his mask and faces Bow.

Bow: 0.0

About 15 seconds later the Shy Guy is seen running off as someone starts screaming.

With Mario…

Mario goes to Club 64.

Mario: Hey Tayce T! Have you seen any suspicious Shy Guys?

Tayce T: I’m trying to hit one now!

Mario looks over the counter into the kitchen. He sees Tayce T. trying to swat a Shy Guy with her frying pan. Mario throws his hammer to try to help her but ends up knocking away the frying pan.

Shy Guy: Sweet! Thanks for the help, loser!

The Shy Guy runs off with the pan.

Tayce T: Mario, that was my favorite AND only frying pan.

Mario: Well sorry, lady.

Tayce T: If you don’t get it back I’m going to chop you into itty bitty bits!

She pulls out a huge butcher knife.

Mario: Mario to the rescue!

Mario runs away as fast as he can.

With Luigi…

Luigi decides to check out the shop on the west side of Toad Town. Luigi enter and sees the shopkeeper chasing after a Shy Guy.

Shopkeeper: Help me, Luigi! He has my storage key.

Luigi: L-power!

Luigi gets out his hammer and aims at the Shy Guy. Just as he throws it the Shy Guy does a backfilp and the hammer ends up hitting the shopkeeper. He falls down, knocked out.

Luigi: Oops.

Shy Guy: You have bad aim, Mr. Pickle.

Luigi: What?!

The Shy Guy runs him over and leaves. Luigi gets up and leaves the shop.

With Toad…

Toad: Hmm, where could this box be?

Toad sees a house for sale.

Toad: Hey, maybe I’ll have another place to live other than Peach’s castle!

He goes inside and inspects the place.

Toad: Not too shabby.

He stares at the wall and someone pokes him.

Shy Guy: Excuse me.

Toad: Huh? Oh, sure.

The Shy Guy goes through a slide panel in the wall.

Shy Guy (from other side): Thanks.

Toad: Sure. Nice guy.

Toad leaves the building.

With WHN…

WHN landed in the far west side of Toad Town. Specifically in the water in the dock area.

WHN: Organs bruised, skull cracked, self-esteem fading…

He sees his wallet near a dock.

WHN: Yes!

He swims towards it and grabs it, when a Shy Guy grabs it as well.

WHN: Let go, you stupid Shy Guy!

Shy Guy: Never!

The Shy Guy jumps on him and flips him over.

WHN: Why did DAD have to make me a Koopa?

Shy Guy: Hmm. Hey Guys, come over here and help me take this guy to the Toy Box!


About 5 more Shy Guys come and grab WHN.

WHN: Red plumber guy! Save me!

With Bow…

Bow decides to check out the west side. She floats by and sees a Shy Guy go towards the docks. She chases after him. He goes inside the Club 64 near the docks. Bow goes inside as well.

Bartender: Hey, don’t go messing this place up.

Shy Guy: Wheee!

Bow: Stop!

Shy Guy: Uh oh. It’s that snooty Boo.

Bow: What?!

The Shy Guy slides underneath Bow and runs off. She goes outside and sees some Shy Guys carrying WHN away.

Bow: I have to help!

A Shy Guy pops out of nowhere and slams into her. She slaps him away but loses the other Shy Guys.

And then…

Mario runs away from the Club 64, Luigi comes out of the shop, Toad comes out of the building after holding the door for the Shy Guys, and Bow appears from the docks.

Mario: Anything, Bro?

Luigi: Sorry Mario. Maybe the other guys had better luck.

Bow: Mario Bros! Some Shy Guys just kidnapped the Koopa!

Mario: No! We need to find the Toy Box, and fast!

Toad: Hey Mario.

Mario: Toad, did you see some Shy Guys carry WHN?

Toad: Sure, they went into that building.

Mario grabs Toad and off they go inside. However, they see it’s empty.

Luigi: Uh, Toad? Are you sure you saw them come here?

Toad: Just watch.

Toad goes through the flip panel.

Mario and Co follow. They see a toy box in the secret room.

Luigi: Jackpot! Wait…Toad! If you knew it was here, why didn’t you tell us?!

Toad: I wonder how much this house costs?

Mario smacks Toad and then grabs him. They jump on a spring and enter Shy Guy’s Toy Box…

Read on!

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