One day, Kamek was sitting in his lab with Baby Bowser. Kamek was mixing stuff together.
“Kamek wat r u doing?” asked the young prince.
“Well, we always lose to Yoshi, but not this time! I’m going to bring an intelligent bomb to life that can explode and reform. Yoshi can attack it, but it’ll only hurt himself,” answered the wise old Koopa.
“Ooh! Make him now!” screeched an ecstatic Baby Bowser. Kamek waved his wand at the inanimate object. Two feet popped out, along with eyes.
“Wuzzis. Wait, who are you?” started the first Bob-omb
“I’m Kamek, your maker. Your job is to go into the field and attack this guy,” said a proud Kamek, pointing at a picture of Yoshi.
“I’m a pacifist, though,” replied the bomb
“Just do it!” started Kamek, but the bomb fled through the window. “There goes my research. Time to make a dumber model.”
The bomb ran as fast as he could. He dashed for hours on end until he finally came across a town. He didn’t know what town it was, but he was going to stop there for a rest.
“Oi, welcome to Moleville. My name be Burt. What be yours?” started a mole that had popped out of the ground.
“Umm… Well, I don’t really know my name,” answered the bomb
“Then I’ll call you Bob, cuz you’re a bomb.” The mole walked away, snickering at his “clever” joke.
“Wait, where is this place?” asked Bob as he ran up to the mole.
“Well, it’s the best trade site in the Mushroom Kingdom besides Toad Town.”
A young Koopa walked by. “WAZZUP! I AM THE AUTHOR, THE SUPREME ENTITY! I SHALL DESTROY YOU ALL!” shouted the Koopa.
“Who’s that?” asked Bob
“Oh, that’s Fawful koopa. He’s the town loon. He thinks that he’s the author of the story of our life and that he can control us,” said the mole as started to dance “What the- How am I…?” Fawful ran off snickering. The mole chased him.
“Crazy, isn’t he?” said a young Yoshi standing next to Bob. The Yoshi had black hair and a blue body.
“Yeah,” replied Bob.
The Yoshi looked at Bob. His eyes became the size of dinner plates. “Y-You’re… BOB!”
“I designed you!”
“Who are you?” screamed Bob in desperation. The Yoshi’s cheeks turned red with embarrassment.
“Sorry for forgetting to introduce myself. My name is Boom. I’m a citizen of Yo’ster Isle who likes blowing stuff up,” started the Yoshi
“Ooh! Tell me more,” asked Bob.
“I was going to. Anyways, I invented you as a sentient bomb, but I needed one more thing to make you work. Magic. I was searching for magic when Kamek came and told me he would provide me with magic free of charge. He tricked me into handing you to him. Then he set your fuse and you blew up, wreaking havoc on Yo’ster Isle. Then the residents banished me, so I’m here,” explained Boom
“Why’d you name me Bob?”
“Well, you’re a bomb. I thought it was clever,” was Boom’s reply.
Suddenly a bunch of armored Koopas burst through the town gate. “Koopas! Hide!” shouted Boom as he and Bob hid under a bush.
Baby Bowser stepped out of the group. “Look for dat bomb. I want it cuz it’s mine!” said the spoiled brat.
“Oh yeah?!” shouted Fawful
“Yeah!” returned Bowser. This process repeated multiple times as Bob and Boom snuck out. They ran to the Pipe Vault area, stopping for a breather.
“Where do we go now?” queried Bob.
“Well, we could go to Yo’ster Isle. Maybe my ban’s over”
“I don’t think so, but we could try,” replied Bob. They hopped into the pipe and popped out on Yo’ster Isle.
“Boom! We banished you!” shouted an angry local.
“Isn’t complete banishment a little harsh for someone who just did a minor bombing? You’re Yoshis. You’re supposed to be nice!” argued Bob.
“Well, he burnt all our cookies, and Captain Guy’s ship is coming ‘round,” answered the local.
“Who’s he?” asked Bob
“He’s the commander of a ruthless pirate ship. They ask us for tribute each year. If we don’t give it to them, they take some locals as slaves.” A foghorn bleeped loudly. “He’s here!” shouted the Yoshi.
Everyone scurried around like cockroaches.
The ship hit shore. “I’ll be taking my cookies, now!” shouted a Shy guy
with a pirate hat.
“W-well, s-sir-“ started a stuttering local.
“It’s not cold here, laddie, speak up! Do you have the tribute or not?” shouted the captain.
“Y-yes- I mean- no, sir,” answered the local. Captain Guy pointed at the stutterbug. He was taken to the ship.
“Anyone else oppose me?!”
“Yes, sir, I do!” shouted Bob.
“Bob, what’re you doing?” asked Boom
“I exploded the cookies, I’ll take the punishment!”
“I made you, so you’re not taking any punishment without me!” shouted Boom as he jumped onto the ship with Bob. “Rope me, gag me, it won’t do you any good! I can still live, and that’s what matters!”
“I’m taking you two to my quarters!” shouted Captain Guy as he dragged the two off. He went through a secret passageway and hopped into a closet. “Look, guys. I’m not really a ruthless captain.”
“WHAT?!” shouted Boom
“I’m really a mutineer. I threw the real ruthless captain overboard so I could lead this ship to do things right,” replied the Shy Guy.
“So, who are you?” asked Bob
“I’m Colonel Guy. My plan is to fake falling off the edge of the boat.”
“Why?” asked Boom
“I have a kid named General Guy at home. He’s about the age of you guys. His mom died a while ago, so if I don’t go over and comfort him, he might turn over to Bowser in an act of desperation.”
An explosion was heard. Colonel Guy rushed upstairs with the two, when a random Shy Guy screamed, “We’re under attack!” They looked at the ship attacking them. It had another Shy Guy with a pirate’s hat and one with a white jacket on it.
“Captain Guy? Which one’s real?” asked a crewmember.
The other Shy Guy with a pirate hat shouted, “He’s not your captain. He’s a mutineer. I’m your captain! General Guy here led you to me.”
“Not true! He swam over to our village and tickled me until I told!” shouted the young general. The real Captain Guy shoved a sock in his mouth.
“Prove that I’m not the real captain!” shouted Colonel Guy back to the real captain
“Do you have this birthmark?” returned the Captain, showing off a crescent moon on his cloak. It started glowing. “What the-“ A red light flashed out of Captain Guy’s arm and fused with a sun-shaped one on Colonel Guy’s arm.
“What the-“ queried Colonel Guy. The two Shy Guys went flying towards each other at a breathtaking speed. There was a huge “BOOM!” and both Shy Guys were gone. In their place was a huge Shy Guy that had a sun on one arm and a moon on the other, a Mohawk, and a guitar.
“I am the Epic Guy, the great Shy Guy ruler who almost overthrew DAD. When he saw me, he split me into my good and bad side, and put me on separate sides of the Earth. You have helped reform me, so I challenge you all to a battle of the bands! Winner gets the loser in eternal slavery.”
“Accepted!” shouted Bob.
“You’re on!” shouted Epic Guy as some Spy Guys built a stage in a matter of seconds. General Guy was appointed Emcee
“Hello, and welcome to the first annual epic Battle of Shy Bands! Get into your respective color bands, everyone! First up is Boring Guy and his ‘Loser Group’ Vs. Epic Guy and his ‘Rock Group’,” shouted General Guy.
“Hello, my name is Boring Guy and I’m going to sing-” started a gray Shy Guy. Boring Guy exploded.
“THE SPIRIT OF ROCK IS NOT WITHIN YOU!” shouted Epic Guy with a fiery passion.
Next up was the Yellow “Pop” group. They shared this same fate. When the orange mariachi band played, they turned into chickens. The purple jazz group shared this fate. The green techno and brown country didn’t even dare play. They had all fallen victim to the power of Rock & Roll.
“My turn!” shouted Bob. He and Boom were both thinking of what to play.
“Classical!” thought Boom
“Rock!” shouted Bob. Then they thought and shouted in unison
They went down with amazing precision, and knocked Epic Guy off the stage with the epic power of Classical Rock
“W-What?! H-How?!” The crescent moon on Epic Guy’s arm faded
“I think you destroyed the part of him that was Captain Guy,” started Boom.
“I think you’re right!” answered Bob.
“You’re right. I’m a stronger Colonel Guy now,” answered Epic Guy. General Guy rushed up and hugged the Epic Guy.
“Dad, can I travel with the people who defeated the evil you?”
“Yes you can, Son. Right now, though, I must tell you something. I have been messaged by DAD through psych-communication. He has told me that there are others like me.”
“What do you mean?” asked General Guy.
“I mean that others had joined in the assault of DAD were also split apart, and you have to first fuse them together and kill the bad side to return them to their original form.”
“Why must we do this?” asked Bob
“Well, there were great creator gods of the universe besides DAD. I was one of them. Every 10,000 years, they would all get together and choose whether Plit should stay or be destroyed. DAD always wanted it to be destroyed, but everyone else usually overrides that decision. Without those other creator-gods, DAD’ll destroy Plit. So off on your quest, now
“Okay, just one more drop…” said Kamek as carefully made a Bob-omb that worked. It opened its eyes
“Hello Master. How may I serve you?” asked the Bob-omb
“Your name is Omb. Your job is to hunt down this guy, whose name is Bob, and bring him to me I can hypnotize him to my will,” instructed Kamek as he pointed at the blueprint for Bob.
“Yes Master. Whatever you wish, Master,” replied the brainless bomb as he hopped out the window and headed towards Moleville.
“Oh yeah!” shouted Fawful koopa, gasping for breath.
“Yeah!” returned the exhausted young prince. “Okay, let’s declare it a tie. Time to search for da bomb again,” said the bratty Bowser.
Omb walked into town.
“There he is!” shouted one of the Terrapins, pointing at Omb.
“Don’t just stand there, get him!” shouted Baby Bowser.
“I’m detecting hostile messages from these masked turtles,” said Omb into a wristwatch communicator
“Don’t worry, they’re all wimps,” replied Kamek “Look on your map to locate Bob. You may then take the straightest path possible to get there.”
Omb looked on his map while the Terrapins harmlessly piled up on him. “He’s in the middle of an ocean, and I’m detecting massive energy levels there. Should my route stay as the crow flies?”
“Yes,” answered Kamek, and with that, Omb hopped into the ocean and began walking on the floor, heading towards the signal and drowning any Terrapins still clinging on to him
“So, Epic Guy sent us off in this dinghy to go where?” asked Bob.
“Dad said we should go to Flower fields to meet one person he knows as Hayzee Dayzee. He thinks she’s the good side of the next spirit.”
And so our heroes were left in a tiny boat in the middle of the ocean. Will they ever get to Flower Fields and meet Hayzee? Find out in the next installment of Bomb’s Away!