Wario and Waluigi have gotten the Diamond Star from the obligatory evil dragon by making it choke on Koops, who’s been fired into Petalburg, where he probably was mistaken for an extraterrestrial. Now they’re walking back to Rogueport, since they don’t have beans.
Wario: Augh, I’m nothing without fart jokes!
Waluigi: What about…
Wario: Yes, but it has to be family friendly.
Waluigi: Jeez, there goes your main section of comedy.
Wario: I can still use you as a parachute to get off this hill.
Wario smashes Waluigi, then jumps off the mountain, using him as a parachute. However, Waluigi is too thin to be a good parachute, so Wario takes the full force of the fall, while Waluigi gracefully floats down. Wario angrily grabs Waluigi and trudges toward Rogueport, then swims through the water. His body odor kills all of the fish, so they can’t bite him.
Waluigi: Wow, you reek!
He uses Waluigi as a grappling hook again to get to the Thousand-Year Store.
Guy with a broccoli stand: Hi! Got the Diamond Star?
Wario: Where’s the burrito guy?
Broccoli Guy: He’s the guardian of the Crystal Star and the map. You’re going to need it, and it’s… the last one. You can buy some broccoli, though.
Wario starts crying. Waluigi buys some broccoli and eats it, then gets dragged out.
Wario: (walking out) WHERE’S THE CRYSTAL STAR?!
Broccoli Guy: Boggly Woods!
Wario and Waluigi get in front of a wall of bars in front of a door.
Wario: Where’s the Boggly Woods?
Waluigi: Like I should know. Where’s the old guy?
Wario: We don’t need old guys. We need BURRITOS AND THAT GIRL I MET ON THE BEACH.
Waluigi: But wee need to go to Boggly Woods!
A little slug with an antenna on his head comes up.
Punio: Boggly Woods? Oh, there are bullies there. It’s behind these bars. WAIT. WHAT IF YOU GUYS ARE BULLIES?!
Waluigi: Aww, no, little guy, we’re not…
Wario eats Punio, bends the bars, and walks into the next room. Waluigi follows.
Wario: There’s no pipe here!
Waluigi: Just punch a random wall.
Wario: Better idea.
Wario shoves Waluigi into a hole in the wall. He squirms through into the next room, where the pipe to the Boggly Woods is. He presses a button and a wall opens up so Wario can go there to. He drags Waluigi into the pipe.
Waluigi: Aaaaah, the Boggly Woods!
Wario: Is that screaming?
A Pider shows up in front of Waluigi.
Waluigi: Now it is. AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Pider: FINALLY someone who agrees with me on what my Pokemon should be named!
The Pider takes out a DS and names his starter Pokemon aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, then walks away.
Wario: That guy is stupid.
Waluigi: Hypocrite.
Wario: What?
Waluigi: Hippo pit. At the zoo that one time, there was a pit with hippos in it, remember?
Wario: That was Super Smash Brothers Brawl…
Waluigi: There are no hippos in Super Smash Brothers Brawl!
Wario: You came out of an assist trophy and kicked me into the ground. AND NOW YOU CALL ME A HIPPO?
Wario kicks Waluigi into the ground, then launches him with a tennis racquet into the Great Tree. He walks there, then waits for Waluigi to peel himself off of the tree.
Waluigi: It’s… an honest mistake.
Wario: You know, if you had called me a hypocrite, I would’ve been perfectly fine, mostly because I don’t know what it means.
Waluigi: Care to go into the tree?
Wario punches a steel door in front of the tree, and Waluigi falls off. He gets dragged into the tree. Then all of the Punis jump out.
Punis: Yay! Heroes! You look like guys who are going to save us from the bullies who came!
Wario eats the Punis and moves into a pipe. Waluigi slowly follows. They move around the tree until they’re in a room with two cages. One has the Puni Elder, and one has all of the other Punis that were captured.
Waluigi: Look! The poor things were captured! We should free them!
Wario walks up to the cage with the other Punis, opens the bars, and eats every single Puni.
Waluigi: I saw that coming.
Wario: Great! Maybe now I’ve eaten all of those annoying things.
Waluigi: The old one in that cage?
Wario: Waluigi! You know I don’t like raisins!
He storms back to another room with a pillar with a hole in it and a platform.
Wario: Hey! What does this mean?!
Waluigi: I think it means we need the amount of slugs dictated by the number on the pillar to stand on the platform.
Wario stands on the platform. The Punis in his stomach activate the platform and a pipe shows up. Waluigi shakes his head.
Waluigi: But that’s not how we’re supposed to…
Wario takes Waluigi to the other end of the room and throws him into the pipe like a javelin.
Lakitu: Twelve Feet!
The Lakitu gets a fist in his face, and Wario eats his cloud.
Lakitu: It’ll give you gas! Get it? It’s water vapor? Gas?
Wario ties a string to the Lakitu’s foot, then spins around until he throws it at the wall.
Lakitu: Twenty feet!
Wario goes into the pipe. The next room is filled with bubbles.
Waluigi: @$%^! I hate bubbles!
Wario: Waluigi, you know what we do when we use bad words.
Waluigi: Oh, Grambi.
Wario takes Waluigi to the soapy residue and washes Waluigi’s mouth out with it, then goes through a pipe that takes him back up. He lets go and they walk across the platform to the next room.
Waluigi: Okay, we can take a left, or go along that winding bridge there. I say we go into that room first, then do…
Wario: WINDING BRIDGE.
He throws Waluigi to the other side, but he hits an invisible coin block. The thin man takes the pipe back up and gets thrown again, this time successfully. Wario walks across himself.
Wario: Ugh, you’re bad at flying Waluigi.
Waluigi: I… hate… y…
Wario: Look! In the next room, there’s a swarm of mosquitoes!
Waluigi: AAAAAAAAH!
Wario runs in and eats all 100 of the Jabis in the room He then destroys their nest and goes into the next room with Waluigi
X-Naut: Aha! We found them!
Yux: I’M ANNOYING.
X-naut: Fear the power of the X-Nauts!
Wario: That’s my favorite kind of tissue!
Wario uses the X-Naut as a tissue, then throws him aside. The Yux does something annoying, while Wario and Waluigi walk by. Wario tramples monsters, while Waluigi checks to see if they’re alive. It goes this way until they find a pool of water.
Waluigi: Oh, there are starting to be well-designed puzzles! We must almost be done!
Wario throws Waluigi at a ! Switch, and the water drains into the room below. Waluigi falls in and gets sucked down with it. Wario uses a pipe to get the next floor. He grabs Waluigi out of the water and goes to an even lower floor.
Wario: Jeez, you’re bad at swimming.
Waluigi: You’re bad at being nice.
Wario steps on another platform , which starts to sink.
Waluigi: Hey, wait, you only ate 100 Punis…
Wario: You counted? Nerd.
Waluigi: But you need 101 to use that elevator.
Wario: I’m magical.
Waluigi: You’re also fat.
Wario: *BUUUURRRrrrrp* Lies!
Waluigi hops onto the elevator, which suddenly breaks and crashes into the ground below.
Waluigi: Fat.
Wario: No, YOU must be the fat one… Oh, who am I kidding?
They go into the next room, and Wario steps on another platform. This time, the Emerald Star appears at the front of the room. Lord Chump grabs it.
Lord Crump: Yes! I got it!
Wario: Who are you?
Lord Crump: You forGOT me?
Wario: Yes.
Lord Crump: Oh no you didn’t!
Wario: Oh, that’s who you are. Hi, boat driver.
Lord Crump: I’m like, so totally getting my like, so complete revenge on you!
Lord Crump presses a button on a remote.
Lord Crump: There, this place will blow up in two minutes.
He flees. All of a sudden, Wario burps up Lakitu’s cloud.
Waluigi: Let’s just beat him outside.
They fly out in thirty seconds without any problem.
Meanwhile…
Lord Crump: Ack! I broke a nail!
Thirty seconds later…
Lord Crump: All right, where’s my nail file…
Thirty seconds later…
Lord Crump: Augh, it peeled my nail polish!
Thirty seconds later…
Boom
Wario: I didn’t see him come out.
Waluigi: Wow. He stinks.
Wario: You sure it’s a he?
Waluigi: He’s wearing purple. Gotta respect the wearers of purple. I would fight back when you hurt me if you didn’t wear those purple overalls.
Wario completely mutilates Waluigi. Just before he eats Waluigi for whatever reason, the Emerald Star flies out from the explosion and hits him in the head.
Wario: Wario…
Waluigi: And Waluigi…
Wario: You know what, this is cheesy.
Waluigi: Yeah. We got the Crystal Star. That’s all.
Wario: Let’s go see what the next food is at The Thousand-Year Store.
Waluigi: I hope it’s vegetables!
Wario: Ooh, you’re using reverse-psychology to jinx yourself so that good things happen?
Waluigi: No… And how did you know that word?
Wario: ARE YOU HINTING AT MY STUPIDITY?
Waluigi: Can’t lie to a guy wearing purple. So yes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaah.
Pider: You know, you don’t HAVE to give your Pokemon nicknames.