Finally Fantastic

By P.T. Piranha

Chapter 2-5: Badges and Yoshis

The Gadd Cruiser lands outside lower Ricco Harbor. Luigi is accompanied by Elvin and Merlon.

Dark Koopatrol: You want to get into the underwater Garlic Plant?

Luigi: Yes. Yes I would.

Dark Koopatrol: Pay me ten coins and you can get on the elevator. You can get to the Plant from Upper Ricco Harbor.

Luigi: What?! Why doesn’t it just take us down to the Plant?!

Dark Koopatrol: Because it’s offshore, idiot!

Luigi: Well I’m sorry! I don’t have time in my busy schedule to figure out all your plans for building!

Dark Koopatrol: Well in that case you can’t use our elevator.

Luigi: Italian Rage!

Luigi knocks the Dark Koopatrol out.

Luigi: Quick, get in!

Elvin: He had the passcode, ****!

Luigi: Words hurt, Elvin…

Merlon sighs and aims his shotgun at the console pad and shoots. The door opens as a result.

Luigi: … Can I have a gun too?

Merlon/Elvin: NO.

Luigi: You never let me have any fun!

The three get on the elevator and ride it into town. They look around until Luigi notices something.

Luigi: You know, with the reddish sunset contrasted by the silver hue of the Millennium Star, it’s actually kinda pretty.

That and…

Luigi: Woah, the giant cannon’s gone!

Elvin: ****. Where’d it go?

Merlon: Maybe they’re using it to kill the other Guardians.

Elvin: How could that possibly work?! They’d have to be standing right in front of it!

Merlon: He,y it worked on one!

They head into the tunnel to find Captain Hammer. Since the Koopatrols got promoted, so did he. Now he’s Army Hammer Bro.! That’s right, it was the same guy the whole time.

Army Hammer Bro.: Guys! It’s Luigi and his party! Maneuver Delta!

Dark Koopatrols: Sir, yes sir!

Luigi’s party prepare for battle. The Dark Koopatrols all retreat into their shells.

Merlon: What was that?!

Army Hammer Bro.: As if we could defeat you! We know when to quit!

Luigi/Merlon/Elvin: …

Luigi: At least they’re honest. Let’s keep going, guys!

They find an elevator.

Dark Koopatrols: ATTACK!

Luigi/Merlon/Elvin: (Heh heh.)

Cut to outside the elevator at the bottom. Luigi’s party is tossed out like garbage.

Elvin: My back…

Luigi: They were tougher than we thought…

Chain Chomp: … BARK! BARK!

Luigi: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

He runs down the corridor.

Merlon: Luigi, get back here!

Merlon follows him.

Elvin: I’m gettin’ too old fer this!

They follow Luigi into an elevator like the one that took them to Upper Ricco Harbor. This one takes them down below sea level in some room. They walk through a tunnel until they’re in the underwater Garlic Plant.

Elvin: It smells like garlic and saltwater in here.

Merlon: All Garlic Plants smell like garlic. Garlic smells like garlic, that’s how it was named.

The three pass a pair of giant submarines.

Luigi: Woah! Those look awesome! I hope we can get one of those!

Elvin: Oh, so suddenly the Gadd Cruiser means nothing to you?!

Luigi: There’s nothing wrong with the Gadd Cruiser, but come on! A submarine! You can go underwater!

Elvin: Oh yeah, to all TWO underwater locations in the whole game!

Luigi: I know! It’s cool!

Elvin: …

They reach the core, where the Special Badge is.

Luigi: Sweet, let’s go get it!

A giant crane reaches into the core and pulls out the Special Badge, then retracts into another room.

Luigi: Dang it!

Luigi’s group goes into the next room to find the crane dropping the Special Badge into the blue and green submarine. Boshi is there. He turns around.

Boshi: Luigi! And some of his friends! We might’ve helped each other out in Radint, but that was on vacation time, so now you die!

Luigi: Radint? What?

Boshi: Oh yeah, it was just those other guys… Oh well.

Merlon holds his shotgun to Boshi’s head.

Merlon: Better idea. You give us the badge and I don’t shoot you in the face.

Elvin: And if you survive that, I got a ******* spear!

Boshi: You guys wish! I’m too busy for this!

Boshi rolls up into a blue-spotted egg and rolls away in time for a robot as tall as Bowser in Mario Galaxy to walks up.

BOSS: MEGA-ARM

Luigi: Mega-Arm? Like Megaleg?

It looks like Megaleg but with only two stilt-like legs and two giant arms.

Merlon: I’ll handle this!

Merlon tries to shoot… but he’s out of ammo.

Merlon: OH NO!

Mega-Arm grabs him and starts spinning his upper half around.

Merlon: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!

Luigi: …

Elvin: … You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?

Luigi: Yes.

Luigi/Elvin: SPEAR JUMP BROS.!

Elvin holds out his spear and Luigi jumps onto it, then Elvin launches Luigi up into the air, where he does a ground pound and crashes onto the top of Mega-Arm’s head and lands inside it.

Mega-Arm: CRANIAL COMPARTMENT BREACHED! REMOVE! REMOVE!

Mega-Arm starts spinning faster.

Merlon: NOT HELPIIIIIING!!!

Luigi’s voice: Hmm, what’s this?

Luigi notices a switch. He presses it and Mega-Arm stops spinning.

Merlon: Ugh…

Luigi: Hey, another one!

He presses it and the arms detach, causing both of them to fall to the ground. Even though Merlon was being held by one of them.

Merlon: Ow.

Luigi climbs out of the robot’s head and onto the floor.

Luigi: Merlon, quit napping! We’ve got to push this robot into the water so no one can turn it on and use it again.

Elvin: Or this.

Elvin pole vaults into the hole on the top of the robot’s head and starts spearing all the controls and stuff in there. The robot falls over.

Elvin’s voice: Ow.

He climbs out.

Elvin: Now they can’t use it again.

Luigi: … Wasn’t there a submarine right there?

Elvin looks. The Yoshi Submarine is missing!

Elvin: ****! That robot was stalling us! Quick, into the bland one!

Luigi and Elvin run for the submarine.

Luigi: MERLON, HURRY UP!

Elvin: GET THE BRICKS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS AND MOVE!

Merlon gets up and follows them.

Merlon: No respect, I tell you…

Luigi makes it to the submarine, where all the Dark Koopatrols are panicking outside.

Dark Koopatrols: Gasp!

Luigi: Yep! It’s-a me, Luigi!

Luigi equips the Zap Tap Badge and tackles all the Dark Koopatrols, knocking them out. He, Elvin, and Merlon enter the submarine and close the door behind them. They make it into the control room, where Army Hammer Bro and two Dark Koopatrols are.

Army: Woah! You caught up to me!

Luigi: Wait, but you were just standing there in that hall.

Army: Oh yeah. Bill! Ted! Attack!

These are the two Koopatrols from Chapter 1-6.

Dark Koopatrol 1 (Bill): No way!

Ted: They got this far, you seriously think we can stop them?!

Army: … Good point. We surrender!

The three cower in the corner.

Elvin: All right, we’re awesome!

Merlon: We have to go after Boshi. But how do we steer this thing?!

Luigi: I majored in Submarine Piloting in college, let me try! Plus as the main character of an RPG I’m automatically able to steer large vehicles.

Luigi takes control. The submarine goes underwater and chases after Boshi’s.

In Boshi’s submarine…

Boshi: Aw dang it!

Merlon: Quick, fire at them!

Luigi: Right!

Luigi presses the button to launch a torpedo at Boshi. But of course…

Torpedo Ted: TORPEDO AWAY!

Torpedo Ted launches at Boshi’s submarine and sinks it.

Voice: Yo, Army Hammer Bro! What you doin’ in there, man? You shot down the Yoshi Sub!

Luigi: (Oh no! I hope those impersonation classes pay off!) Uhh, yeah… Whoops, wrong button.

Voice: What button were you going for?

Luigi: The… radio?

Voice: Oh, say no more. Happens to me all the time. Carry on.

Luigi: (Phew.)

Voice: Now report to the dock so we can load up the badges!

Luigi: ‘Kay, gotta do something first.

Luigi steers the submarine and notices a pink submarine nearby.

Luigi: I wonder who that is.

Merlon: Luigi! That’s one of the Guardians! I’d stay away from it right now.

Luigi: Aww!

The submarine makes it over to Boshi’s submarine. A crane comes out and reaches into Boshi’s submarine and pulls out the Special Badge. The crane retracts into Luigi’s sub and Bill brings it to Luigi.

Luigi: Thank you, new slave. C’mon, guys.

Luigi and friends make it back to Upper Ricco Harbor and notice another Koopa plane on the airstrip.

Luigi: “Metal Goonie Mk. II”?

The plane takes off and flies away.

Elvin: … Guys, back to my village, quick!

The group take off. However instead of Rocketbase Village, Luigi goes back into the submarine and looks around underwater.

Luigi’s voice: I wonder if I can find that old wallet of mine.

Elvin’s voice: Luigi!

Petey’s voice (everyone’s in the sub): Is that an airplane?

Luigi’s voice: Huh?

There is in fact an airplane underwater.

Luigi’s voice: That’s weird.

Luigi docks the submarine and prepares the Boarding Tunnel so he can enter the plane. Luigi, Daisy, and Wario enter the old plane.

Wario: Ugh! I’m sick of these DAD dang snakes on this DAD dang plane!

Solid Snake: !

Upon being discovered, Snake runs away.

Daisy: Why are we here?

Luigi: Because I’m bored!

They explore the plane and find Boshi and Dr. Topper.

Luigi: Yoshis!

Boshi: How’d you find me in here so fast?!

Dr. Topper: Why are we even here?

Boshi: I dunno. ATTACK!

Boshi and Dr. Topper run toward the party but they get out of the way. Wario tackles Boshi and Daisy starts kicking his head while he’s down. Meanwhile Luigi and Dr. Topper are having a hammer fight.

Dr. Topper: Grr! Wait! I’m a Hammer Bro! I have lots of hammers!

Dr. Topper pulls out a second one and whacks Luigi with it.

Luigi: Yeouch! Wait!

Luigi hops onto a wooden crate and charges his hand with electricity. He then dunks it into the water, shocking everyone else.

Dr. Topper: GAAAAAAAH! I’M OUT!

Dr. Topper runs off.

Boshi: Wimp! Wait, I can’t take these guys by myself… ME TOO!

He leaves.

Wario: Luigi, what was that all about?!

Daisy: YOU SHOCKED US!

Luigi: I’m sorry! It’s the only way I knew of to help!

Wario: … Let’s just get to stupid Rocketbase Village… This was a waste of time.

At Rocketbase Village, Luigi, Bombette, and Elvin are on their way to the rocket. Daisy and Wario don’t want to risk high voltage again.

Luigi: Wow, I had no idea there was a rocket here this whole time! You’d think I would’ve seen it last time we were here!

Elvin: …

Dark Koopatrols: INTRUDERS!

Luigi throws Bombette and she explodes on the Dark Koopatrols, leaving no one to block their path up to the rocket.

Elvin: ********! Why does Koopa have to keep messing with my inventions?!

On the last stretch into the rocket, Dr. Topper is there with more Dark Koopatrols.

Luigi: Topper?!

Dr. Topper: Why do we keep running into each other?!

Bombette leaps over to the enemies and blows up, sending them over the railing.

Dr. Topper/Dark Koopatrols: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!

The party rush into the rocket and throw out the Boomerang Bro. Commander. They head into the cockpit.

Koopa Pilots: CAPTAIN GADD! YOU’RE BACK!

Pilot 2: Great news!

Pilot 3: This rocket has a bomb made of Special Badges called the “Superbombomb”! It’s gonna blast the Millennium Star to bits!

Johnson’s brother Johnson: We’re saved! Toadette is also NOT in the Potential Death Room this time! We removed it!

Elvin: Can I pilot it?

Luigi: Aren’t we here to stop it?

Elvin: Shut up!

Pilots: I guess.

They leave.

Luigi: Elvin. those Special Badges have significance! Badges in general do! They’re originally made from Garlic, remember? Garlic, as in the essence of Plit? We can’t just waste it blowing up a star! Besides, the Millennium Star being in fragment form would cause a wider crash range and still partially destroy Plit.

Elvin: But… space…

Luigi: Elvin-

Elvin: Shut up! I’m going to say that this is a midlife crisis!

Luigi: You’re in your 60’s!

Elvin: Not in this story! In this story I’m 32! Haven’t you noticed I appear younger?

Luigi: Dang it! Facts!

Elvin: Now I’ll have a quick tea and then it’s off to space.

Voice: Hey everybody! It’s the Spooky Speedster, your friendly local pointless character, and I’m here again to say that we’re ready for liftoff! Dedicated to the memory of Lord Crump’s recently terminated employment to Koopa. This one’s for you, Crump.

Bombette: Ugh…

Voice: 3… 2… 1! ROCKETBASE VILLAGE, PREPARE TO BE VAPORIZED!

The rocket blasts off! Miraculously it doesn’t vaporize anything at all! And now there’s no rocket over Gadd’s house! They’re in space.

Elvin: … ****! We’re in space! Hooray!

Luigi: Super Luigi Galaxy!

Elvin: No.

Luigi: Awww…

Bombette: So shouldn’t we evacuate before we blow up with the rocket and the Millennium Star?

Elvin: Yeah, probably.

Luigi: Let’s leave with the Special Badge too.

Bombette: Won’t that make the bomb null and void?

Luigi: Bombette, I highly doubt it will make a difference. I mean, come on, we already have most of the Special Badges anyway! These guys have just the one!

Bombette: Okay. How do we leave?

Elvin: The escape pod, of course!

Luigi: So where are we right now?

Bombette/Elvin: THAT JOKE’S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

Meanwhile in the Gadd Cruiser…

P.T.: What’s keeping those guys so long? Were they in that rocket?

Everyone Else: Nah, probably not.

P.T.: Just checking.

Meanwhile in the rocket…

Luigi: Okay, here’s the Badge Room!

Luigi goes up to the glass dome around the Special Badge.

Voice: Passcode?

Luigi: (Okay… Off the top of my head…) … Circle, square, X, X?

Voice: Sorry, it’s been changed from last time. Try again.

Luigi: I don’t know!

Voice: Wrong.

Elvin: Maybe you can think straight if you have some tea-

Voice: Correct.

Bombette: The code was “tea”?!

Elvin: I told you tea solves everything!

Luigi: Whatever…

Luigi takes the badge and they all head for the escape pod, but they pass through the remains of the Potential Death Room. Elvin notices something.

Elvin: Hey, a wallet-

A metal bar lands on Elvin’s head and knocks him out.

Luigi: Elvin…

Toadette: Hey guys! I snuck aboard!

Bombette: Uh, why?

Toadette: I remembered my wallet’s still here- Oh, there it is!

Toadette takes the wallet from Elvin.

Toadette: Quick, into the pod!

The three drag Elvin’s body into the escape pod. It detaches from the ship and floats through space as the rocket heads for the Millennium Star.

Elvin: Ow, my head… Toadette?! The **** are you doing in he- … Oh ****…

Elvin looks outside to see Plit from space.

Elvin: … Beautiful… ******* beautiful…

He sniffs. Luigi tears up too.

Bombette: You love space too, Luigi?

Luigi: No… I just remembered we left MY wallet in there…

And the pod heads for Plit. Meanwhile the rocket takes on Millennium Star head on and explodes!

Population of Plit: HOLY PIE, WHAT WAS THAT?!

Meanwhile in Bianco Canyon, Bestovius is watching his model of space and notices the simulation. Everyone else looks up. The Millennium Star is fragmented into silver shards! Hooray!

Population: Hooray.

And then the shards reform into the Millennium Star. Boo.

Population: Boo.

Millennium Star: MMMMM!!!

Everyone is now in the control room on the Gadd Cruiser after the rocket thing.

Luigi: See? I told you that bomb wouldn’t work!

Bombette: All right!

Wario: Dang it, now I owe Rusty those 2,999 coins!

P.T.: So are we even going to DO anything with those Special Badges?

Petey: We’re done for, aren’t we?

Daisy: Guys, don’t worry, we’ll think of something!

Elvin: She’s right.

Merlon: Okay then, Daisy, what’s your idea? We’d love to hear it.

Wario: You know what? I bet if we never left Koopa City in the beginning, this wouldn’t have happened.

Petey: Nah, Dimentio would have still killed Bowser and Luigi’s injection would make him follow Dimentio to the North Pole Hole. The only difference would be that we wouldn’t be involved and Vivian might have lived.

Luigi: Hey guys! Let’s focus, okay?

Petey: Guys, I heard something! Listen!

There’s a moaning sound.

Luigi: What was that?

Plit: Sorry, I was yawning. Go back to Bianco Valley. Now.

Petey: Good idea, Bestovius might know what to do!

Luigi: Okay, set course for Bianco Canyon!

Soon, Luigi and Petey leave the ship and make it to Bestovius.

Bestovius: Yo! Petey, long time no see! I see you gots yo’selves an airship. Niiiiice.

Petey: Yeah, we did. Oh, and that purple girl with the pink hat died.

Bestovius: Too bad.

Petey: Do you know how to stop the Millennium Star?

Bestovius: Nope.

Later, everyone’s in the room.

P.T.: Why are we here again?

Luigi: I dunno.

P.T.: Well I don’t know how to stop the shiny thing, if you’re asking.

Bombette: Me neither.

Luigi: Vivian knew what to do, but she died doing it.

Bestovius: Is that a problem?

Luigi: Well, yeah. In my vision she said a Person Thing of Significance was the only one that could stop the Millennium Star.

Daisy: And now she’s dead.

Petey: Yeah, so we’re royally doomed.

Wario: Yeah, we’re not “significant” enough apparently…

Elvin: I was still the new guy when it happened, so I don’t fully get the conversation.

Luigi: Wait… Vivian went off to do that because she knew something we didn’t… We should probably find out what she knew!

Elvin: I’m gonna find out if they sell tea here.

Elvin goes to find the café.

Luigi: Anyway, other than that brief shock, she wasn’t real scared of Dimentio and hardly made an escape attempt. It’s almost as if she expected it…

Bestovius: Wait! Take me there! Take me to the Significant Citadel, I can figure things out there!

Luigi: Sweet, let’s go! Wait, do you know what we do with these Special Bad-

Bestovius swipes them and heads for the Gadd Cruiser.

Luigi: … Ah.
 

Chapter 2-6: Koopa’s Last Stand

Luigi, Daisy, and Petey are with Bestovius on a platform in the Significant Citadel many, many feet above the altar of Vivian’s death. On this platform is a small altar with a glowing thing.

Bestovius: This crystal is telling me that Plit is in serious trouble.

Luigi: … Oh really?! Well thanks for clearing that up for me, Bestovius! You know, we’d be lost without your wisdom!

Bestovius: Shut up, foo’! It be tellin’ me that we need Savior!

Luigi/Daisy/Petey: What?

Bestovius: Savior! The anti-Millennium Star! It was created by the People Things to counteract the Millennium Star! It came in the form of the Savior Badge and it only has one use. It’d activate the summon spell if someone needed it really badly and came to the right place. Like the Millennium Badge, it’d disappear once the spell activated.

Petey: Bestovius, I think that was the longest you went without sounding like a rapper.

Bestovius: Shh! Talking! This spell will get rid of the Millennium Star and the Guardians but it might also get rid of us! So… look for that badge!

Daisy: So you DON’T know where it is?

Luigi: Wait a minute… Vivian HAD the Savior Badge! That was her “useless” white, vortex-shaped badge! She was using it when she died!

Bestovius: Yeah, only People Things of Significance are able to use it.

Petey: So we ARE royally doomed! She was the last one!

Bestovius: Not so fast, Hollywood! There’s a key somewhere underwater that can help! It should be nearby!

Luigi: To the submarine!

Soon the submarine is underwater near the Significant Citadel. It spots the key! The arm extends from the submarine and grabs the key.

Luigi’s voice: Hooray!

Army/Bill/Ted’s voices: So you think this will help Savior stop the Millennium Star?

Bombette’s voice: Hope so!

Soon Luigi, Daisy, and Petey are back with Bestovius. But on the way back they do pass by an underwater egg. It is giant and white with red spots. One of the Guardians…

Bestovius: Tight!

Bestovius takes the key and puts it in a slot under the crystal. Water starts falling all around them. The crystal shows a holographic projection above itself. It’s Vivian right before she died.

Luigi: We’re gonna watch Vivian die again?! I just got over watching it the first time!

Petey: What are you talking about? In the first subchapter after that you forgot about it within the first five minutes!

Luigi: Oh yeah…

The projection focuses on the Savior Badge as it flies off of Vivian. It’s glowing as if Flower Points are being used. The badge fades before it even hits the water.

Luigi: I don’t get it.

Daisy: So that means… it worked? She summoned Savior?

Bestovius: Yeah, she did!

Luigi: All right, the world’s saved already! Let’s party!

Petey: Hooray! Wait, an old history test is haunting me! Isn’t Savior supposed to help as soon as it’s needed? Shouldn’t it have been used then?

Bestovius: Dimentio’s blocking it, so you gotta kill him. I’m staying here for now.

The party walk out of the watery area and Luigi gets a phone call.

P.T.’s voice: Hey, I heard what was just going on. I didn’t get it so I described it to Kamek and he told me. He also told me that Bowser Jr. is the one who took the cannon from Ricco Harbor. It’s at Koopa City right now! He’s gonna blast Dimentio with it!

Luigi: Why there?

P.T.’s voice: Something about Garlic. Kamek said Bowser Jr. is going to use the Garlic to its fullest power, beyond Flower Points for this, so he’s a little worried.

Meanwhile, Bowser Jr. is having a meeting with his executives.

Bowser Jr.: Okay Kamek, you’re gonna adjust the Plants’ outputs to “Maximum”.

Kamek: Uhh?

Nastasia: K, it’s easier than it sounds.

General Guy: I feel good about this plan! I’m gonna go brag about it on my blog!

General Guy runs off.

Nastasia: Yeah, can we NOT call it the “Garlic Cannon”?

Bowser Jr.: No.

Nastasia: Aww.

Meanwhile, Luigi and friends are heading into the Gadd Cruiser outside the Significant Citadel when there’s shaking!

Luigi: What the?!

Underwater, that egg is hatching! And out comes… a giant red dragon! It swims up to the surface of the water.

Hooktail: (I’M COMING FOR YOU, GARLIC ABUSERS…)

She starts slowly swimming toward Koopa City. Meanwhile on the Gadd Cruiser…

Elvin: What the **** is going on?!

Koopa Pilot: I don’t know! And now some strange signal’s coming from that relatively tall guy behind me.

P.T.: Hi. Kamek says a Guardian just emerged from the water and is headed for Koopa City. But the cannon MIGHT be able to stop it. Or not. I dunno.

Wario: Will Walaine be safe?

P.T.: Yeah, she’s with Vivian’s sisters and Buckethead somewhere else. Wait… you know, it sounds like you ONLY care about Walaine. Kamek wants to know how many people you think died when you blew up the Plant in Chapter 1-1?

Vegeta: OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAND!

Wario: Woah! Not THAT many! But… many…

P.T.: Kamek says that’s selfish.

Wario: Can it, Koopa minion!

Daisy: We know we killed a lot of people and that’ll probably haunt us forever. But probably not since we’re cool enough to get away with it.

P.T.: Well apparently Kamek’s in charge of the civilians so he didn’t appreciate it. Though it DID make his job somewhat easier…

Luigi: Whatever, let’s just all go to the shore near Koopa City and wait for the Guardian so we can beat it up ourselves!

The Gadd Cruiser lands near the shore and waits for Hooktail to swim to the beach. Once she hits land, she starts walking.

Hooktail: (OH GREAT, A ROADBLOCK…)

Luigi, Wario, and Merlon await.

Luigi: ATTACK!

Hooktail: (HA! YOU’RE TOO SMALL TO KILL ME!)

Luigi, Wario, and Merlon all pull out Smash Balls. Luigi uses his Omnihammer attack. Little effect. Wario uses W. Little effect. Merlon uses his new one, Monster Morph Level 3! He turns into a dragon demon.

Hooktail: (WOAH! HEY THERE, HOT STUFF!)

Merlon: Uh?! Guys?!

Luigi: I don’t know what to tell ya, Merlon.

Wario: Figure it out yourself!

Merlon: Oh great… Run away!

He reverts to normal and runs for the Gadd Cruiser. Not being able to hurt the Guardian, Luigi and Wario follow. But Hooktail ignores them.

Wario’s voice: Something’s up. Why isn’t she out to get us like the other Guardians?

Merlon’s voice: To be fair, the one at Ricco Harbor didn’t even know we existed, it was after all the Dark Koopatrols and Koopa.

P.T.’s voice: Hey, we should probably leave, Kamek says something big is about to happen.

Meanwhile…

Bowser Jr.: Okay, the cannon looks good from the view from my office. I think it’s good to go.

General Guy’s voice: Yay!

Bowser Jr.: Aaaand FIRE!

Outside of Koopa City, all eight Garlic Plants start glowing harshly as their limits are reached. Eight heart-shapes (Pure Hearts) form over the Plants and are being absorbed by the cannon as it fires. Meanwhile…

Hooktail: (HUH? OH CRUD… TIME TO USE THAT MOVE MY BROTHER TAUGHT ME… MEGA BREATH!)

Hooktail charges up a Mega Breath attack and unleashes it. Meanwhile the Garlic Beam hits Hooktail dead on and carries her some distance until it reduces her to a mass of Garlic that adds to the beam! The power of the Pure Hearts (Pure Garlic maybe?) collides with the North Pole Hole’s Chaos Barrier and shatters it. Meanwhile…

Bowser Jr.: Sweet! It worked! Promotions all arou- Wait… OH NO!

The Mega Breath attack hits Bowser Jr.’s office, utterly destroying the top of Koopa Tower. The party watch from the Gadd Cruiser.

Luigi: … Well all right, they got rid of Bowser Jr.! That takes care of one enemy! Set course for the North Pole Hole-

P.T.: Wait.

Wario: Now what?!

P.T.: Kamek’s talking to the Shy Guy and Nastasia about something.

Meanwhile…

General Guy: After that loud noise I haven’t been able to contact the Prez.

Kamek: Gee, I wonder why… Not. Wait, something’s going on with the cannon! Fawful’s trying to use it!

Nastasia: Huh?! K, that’s not approved! That took a lot of power to use that one time! Yeah, it needs to rest for, umm, a few hours or else it’ll overheat and blow up the city!

General Guy: Wow.

Meanwhile…

Fawful: Hahahaha! Fink-rats! This cannon is the being of the mustard of doom! The hotness of overheat and the game overs! It’ll be in the supplying of the Garlic power to the North Pole Hole for you, Dimentio!

Meanwhile…

Wario: So… We should stop Fawful then? Can we shut down the Plants?

P.T.: No. Wait… Huh? Who is this? … Nastasia?! What happened to Kamek? … What do you mean “arrested”?! … No, I mean define the word for me… Oh. What?! … Now there’s nothing. Guys, they disconnected me from Kamek’s earphone.

Merlon: They found out Kamek was giving you information for us and had him arrested, and cut you off so we couldn’t interfere?

P.T.: I guess so. So now we gotta stop them?

Luigi: Yep…

Elvin: Ericson! Take control of this ship while we go kick some Koopa shell!

Ericson: Okay!

Elvin: Everyone outside!

Everyone heads into the hall. Luigi, P.T., Petey, Wario, Elvin, Daisy, Bombette, and Merlon all run outside and onto the deck.

Elvin: Everyone have your backpacks?

Everyone Else: Yep!

Elvin: Then LOOK OUT BELOW!

Elvin jumps off the Koopa Cruiser and everyone else follows. After a while they pull their strings… and fail. They all fall.

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

And they crash into Area 8 of Koopa City. Luigi gets up, alone.

Luigi: Ow.

P.T. walks up to him.

P.T.: Hurry, General Guy’s probably after us.

Luigi follows P.T. to a warp pipe where everyone else is.

P.T.: This might take us to Koopa Tower and the cannon.

Petey: Well “Koopa” IS written on it.

P.T.: …

Luigi jumps in.

Wario: I have a grudge against these guys! Take me with you!

He follows.

Merlon: I hate Fawful!

He follows. Luigi, Wario, and Merlon find themselves in some kind of industrial underground area. They don’t waste time and go through the way they can until they find another warp pipe and hop in. They’re in some kind of tunnel.

Wario: Now what?!

Luigi: Uhhh, the right?

The head to their right. After a ways they run into Petey.

Petey: They’re not this way, I checked.

Petey flies over them back in the other direction.

Luigi: D’oh!

They go back to the point of entrance and try to go the right way but someone stops them.

???: Stop! As if the narrator didn’t say that for me…

Luigi’s group turn around. Mimi!

Luigi: Mimi?!

Mimi: Yeah, and since the president’s dead we get to end your games! Mimimimimi!

Boshi: Sheesh Mimi, could you BE any giddier about this?

Dr. Topper: Seriously.

Mimi: Sorry.

Boshi: We have orders to kill you now. So what’s it gonna be?

Luigi: Uhhh… The Oreos dipped in pudding you mentioned a while back?

Boshi/Dr. Topper: Mmmm…

Mimi: DisGUSTing! We’re ending your games NOW!

Boshi: Wait.

Mimi: Why?

Boshi: What’s the point? Bowser Jr.’s dead now, Koopa’s falling apart, the world’s coming to an end anyway, and I’m hungry. Besides that, chocolate sounds good now.

Dr. Topper: I think they had some at Watering Hole in Radint.

Boshi: Then it’s settled. Luigi, this is where we take our leave. Good luck, I guess. We’ve got chocolate waiting for us!

Boshi and Dr. Topper walk away.

Mimi: What?! … Wait! I’m coming too!

Mimi follows after them.

Luigi: … So that’s it for the Yoshis then?

Merlon: Yep. Man, they weren’t this lazy back when I was one of them. If we even MENTIONED chocolate, we’d get a beating!

Wario: Let’s just go.

The party continue through the tunnel in the correct direction.

Bombette: There you guys are, what took you so long?!

Luigi: The Yoshis stopped us but then quit their jobs.

Bombette: You go down this way and I’ll go down the other!

Bombette runs off into the tunnel she picked while Luigi, Wario, and Merlon go into the other. Luigi’s is the right one. He meets Daisy there dealing with Dark Koopatrols.

Luigi: Uh, are you okay?

Daisy: Yeah, don’t worry-

Daisy punches a Dark Koopatrol square in the face.

Daisy: -about me. I’m-

She kicks the other one.

Daisy: -fine.

Luigi: Okay… I guess…

They keep going and find Elvin.

Elvin: WHERE IS THAT **** FOURTH CHAOS EMERALD- I mean CANNON?!

Luigi: Probably this way.

Elvin: You go on, I need a tea break.

Luigi: Of course…

Luigi’s group keep going and they find a warp pipe that leads to an area near the bottom of the cannon.

STOMP!

Wario: Huh?

STOMP!

Merlon: Oh no…

STOMP!

Luigi, Wario, and Merlon look behind them to see a giant robot! It has lots of cannons on it and stuff, and a Koopa shell. It’s HUGE! It could probably level the cannon in a minute flat! It has a heap of guns for a left hand and its right arm is holding up its hand over its head. Its hand is just a platform with General Guy and Nastasia on it.

General Guy: You’ve been a thorn in Koopa’s side for too long now!

Nastasia: Yeah, you killed many of our Dark Koopatrols, Bros, etc.

General Guy: And now before we crush that cannon, we’re going to crush you!

Nastasia: You’ll die now, yeah. Fear the TROOPA X!

Luigi: Uh oh.

STOMP!

Wario: What do we do?!

The TROOPA X fires lots of lasers from its left hand while the sections of its shell move out to reveal missiles, which are promptly launched and head for Luigi and friends.

Merlon: I’m gonna need a bigger gun!

Wario: OH MY DAD! I’D NEVER MESS WITH THEM IF I KNEW THEY HAD THAT!

Luigi: Hmm… Aha!

Luigi drops his hammer and walks out in front of the approaching missiles.

Nastasia: K, he’s an idiot.

General Guy: Cool, we kill the leader first!

Luigi does a spin like in Super Mario Galaxy and knocks all the missiles back toward the TROOPA X and they explode! The TROOPA X starts shaking.

Nastasia: What’s… happening?!

General Guy: The TROOPA X can’t take those missiles! It’s done for!

Nastasia: K, you mean to tell me that Koopa’s most powerful weapon was done in by ONE simple spin?!

General Guy: Yeah, that’d be about the gist of it.

The robot’s shaking faster and glowing. Luigi’s group take cover.

Nastasia: K, this can’t be happening!

General Guy: Oh no! We’re toast!

BOOM!

Luigi, Wario, and Merlon remove their hands from over their eyes and stand up.

CRASH!

General Guy and Nastasia’s platform, wrecked, has crashed right in front of them.

Luigi: …

Merlon: …

Wario: … Wahaha! They’re finished! They couldn’t stand up to the great Wario!

Luigi: … Sure they couldn’t… Now let’s hurry!

Luigi picks up his hammer and heads for the cannon with Wario and Merlon. On the way Wario gets his ultimate attack. On the stairs up to the top they find P.T.

P.T.: He’s up there! Hurry! I’m too lazy to kill him!

Luigi, Wario, and Merlon make it to Fawful at the controls.

Luigi: Fawful, stop trying to destroy Koopa City!

Fawful: … Fink-rats… You are always being of the embarrassing mustard to my sandwich of doom with tomatoes of science!

Luigi: Nice try, Fawful, but I’ve got it figured out! I’m real!

Fawful: Real stupid.

Luigi: Yeah, that- Wait! … Dang it! But still I’m a real person! So stop doing this!

Fawful: … Ahahaha! In the finale of finales I cannot be doing the stopping of the cannon-ness as I must be doing the favorhood for my offspring who is Dimentio!

Luigi/Wario: What?!

Merlon: WHAT?! You mean you and Merlumina had Dimentio?! Oh come on, you knew she was MY girlfriend!

Fawful: But she was in the dumpingness of you and married me!

Luigi: So YOU’RE the reason all this is happening!

Wario: We’re killing you for this!

Fawful: Hahaha… AHAHAHA!

Luigi: Good gravy, he’s lost his sense!

Fawful: Out of boredom… I was in the givingness of Shadow Queen’s essence to myself! Now… we’ll see how… you fink-rats… will be doing in the… fighting… I HAVE FURY!!!

RPG BATTLE!
Luigi: 900/900
Wario: 910/910
Merlon: 900/900
Vs.
Fawful: 400/400

Luigi uses Hammer! 50 damage!
Wario uses Corkscrew! 60 damage!
Merlon uses Double Shotgun! 2 hits! 25 damage each!
Fawful laughs uncontrollably!

Luigi: 900/900
Wario: 910/910
Merlon: 900/900
Vs.
Fawful: 240/400

Luigi uses Jump! 40 damage!
Wario uses Bad Breath! Fawful’s poisoned!
Merlon shoots Fawful! 60 damage!
Fawful laughs uncontrollably!
Poison hurts Fawful for 10 damage!

Luigi: 900/900
Wario: 910/910
Merlon: 900/900
Vs.
Fawful: 130/400 (Poisoned)

Luigi uses Thunderhand! 40 damage!
Wario uses Shoulder Tackle! 50 damage!
Merlon shoots Fawful! 60 damage!
Fawful: You’ve defeated me… which is just… what I was in the needingness of! We’ll see how the Garlic is in the reactingness!
Fawful is defeated! Wait… Fawful transforms into a freakishly ugly version of himself with an antenna, a second mouth, flailing lobster claw arms, and tentacles for feet!

Luigi: 900/900
Wario: 910/910
Merlon: 900/900
Vs.
Transfigured Fawful: 900/900

Luigi: Good grief, he’s even UGLIER!
Luigi uses Thunderhand! 40 damage!
Wario uses Shoulder Tackle! 50 damage!
Merlon shoots Fawful! 60 damage!
Fawful did something! 60 damage each!

Luigi: 840/900
Wario: 850/910
Merlon: 840/900
Vs.
Transfigured Fawful: 750/900

Luigi uses Fire Jump Punch! 70 damage!
Wario uses Corkscrew! 60 damage!
Merlon shoots Fawful! 60 damage!
Fawful did something to Luigi! 40 damage!

Luigi: 800/900
Wario: 850/910
Merlon: 840/900
Vs.
Transfigured Fawful: 560/900

Luigi uses Hammer! 50 damage!
Wario uses Corkscrew! 60 damage!
Merlon shoots Fawful! 60 damage!
Fawful did something to Merlon! 40 damage!

Luigi: 800/900
Wario: 850/910
Merlon: 800/900
Vs.
Transfigured Fawful: 390/900

Luigi uses Fire Jump Punch! 70 damage!
Wario uses Big Punch! 70 damage!
Merlon uses Double-Shotgun! 2 hits! 25 damage each!
Fawful did something! 60 damage each!

Luigi: 740/900
Wario: 790/910
Merlon: 740/900
Vs.
Transfigured Fawful: 200/900

Luigi uses Fire Jump Punch! 70 damage!
Wario uses Big Punch! 70 damage!
Merlon shoots Fawful! 60 damage!
Fawful stopped moving! Fawful’s transforming again! He glows and stops. What’s left is a muscular version of normal Fawful floating in the air with a ghostly tail and the antenna and two extra arms.

Luigi: 740/900
Wario: 790/910
Merlon: 740/900
Vs.
Perfect Fawful: 900/900

Luigi: How many forms does he have?!
Merlon: I think he’s mastered his transformation prowess at last.
Luigi charges his Final Smash!
Wario charges his Final Smash!
Merlon charges his Final Smash!
What did Fawful do to Wario?! Wario is poisoned!
Poison does 10 damage to Wario!

Luigi: 740/900 (Charging)
Wario: 780/910 (Charging, Poisoned)
Merlon: 740/900 (Charging)
Vs.
Perfect Fawful: 900/900

Luigi unleashes his Final Smash! Luigi uses Omnihammer! Luigi strikes Fawful 8 times! 10 damage each!
Wario unleashes his Final Smash! Wario uses W-Bomb! Wario hurls a large atom bomb with the WarioWare symbol painted on it at Fawful. 150 damage!
Merlon uses Monster Morph Level 3! Merlon becomes the Dragon Demon!
Fawful did something to Luigi! 40 damage!
Poison does 10 damage to Wario!

Luigi: 700/900
Wario: 770/910 (Poisoned)
Merlon: 740/900
Vs.
Perfect Fawful: 670/900

Luigi uses a summon! Luigi summons Megaleg! Megaleg kicks Fawful 3 times! 20 damage each! Megaleg jumps and stomps on Fawful! 60 damage! Megaleg unleashes Bullet Bills on Fawful! 60 damage!
Wario uses Feeling Fine! Wario’s no longer poisoned! Wario gains 10 HP!
Merdragon breathes dark fire on Fawful! 80 damage!
Fawful did something to Merdragon! 40 damage!

Luigi: 700/900
Wario: 760/910
Merlon: 700/900
Vs.
Perfect Fawful: 450/900

Luigi uses Fire Jump Punch! 70 damage!
Wario uses an Ultra Shroom on Luigi! Luigi gains 100 HP!
Merdragon breathes dark fire on Fawful! 80 damage!
What did Fawful do to Luigi?! Luigi is poisoned!
Poison does 10 damage to Luigi!

Luigi: 790/900 (Poisoned)
Wario: 760/910
Merlon: 700/900
Vs.
Perfect Fawful: 300/900

Luigi uses a summon! Luigi summons 300 Spartans!
Luigi: CHARGE!
The 300 Spartans rush forward and attack Fawful! 300 hits! 1 damage each!
Fawful is defeated!

Luigi, Wario, and Merlon win!

Luigi gains a level! Wario gains a level! Merlon gains a level!

BATTLE OVER!

There’s no trace of Fawful anywhere. He’s completely gone. Luigi falls over in exhaustion.

Luigi: Phew, that was hard!

Merlon: … He’s gone. We’ve finally ended Fawful’s suffering.

Luigi: Suffering?! Didn’t you hear how much he was laughing? He loved that!

Merlon: He was crazy, Luigi.

Luigi: Oh yeah.

Wario: So what about the cannon?

Kamek’s voice: HEY GUYS! IT’S ME, KAMEK! I BROKE OUT! DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE CANNON! I JUST UNPLUGGED IT! GOOD JOB UP THERE!

Luigi: Oookay…

Soon the party is on the Gadd Cruiser.

P.T.: Well, no more Koopa. That means Kamek and I are the only ones left! Hooray, we get our own corporation!

Petey: Wasn’t he fired when he got arrested?

P.T.: So I’M in charge then?

Petey: You only BARELY counted as an employee, so no. So anyway, we have about a week to kill Dimentio so we can activate Savior to stop the Millennium Star. Bestovius said so to me when we dropped him off in a deleted scene.

Luigi: Well that’s perfect! All that’s left is to kill Dimentio, so we have plenty of time! So anyway, maybe we should all say our last goodbyes to our friends and family before we all go die.

Petey: Sounds good, I need to take my final exams.

Wario: And I want to see Walaine… She owes me her allowance.

Luigi: Just remember, guys, in order to kill the bad guy AND be memorable RPG heroes we have to blab about what we’re fighting for.

Elvin: I never understood what we’re fighting for!

Bombette: Yeah, the plot’s too confusing.

Luigi: Well I just know that I’m a selfish pig and I’m doing this for revenge instead of out of any concern for Plit. Long story short, Wario, you shouldn’t have blown up that Plant.

Wario: You helped!

Luigi: Yeah, but I get all the fangirls. So anyway I’ll drop all of you off to see your friends, so I can have the glory of killing Dimentio myself. If you want to come along, okay.

Soon all that’s left are Luigi and Daisy. Even the pilots are gone.

Luigi: Daisy? Are you still here because you’re madly in love with me? Sweet!

Daisy: Actually I have nowhere to go. At all.

Luigi: Oh.

Later, Luigi lands the Gadd Cruiser and they go out onto the deck on top.

Luigi: Admit it, you’re in love with me!

Daisy: No.

Luigi: Awww…

Daisy: Look Luigi, I like you and all but not that way! I thought I made it clear in Chapter 1-2 if not Chapter 1-1.

Luigi: Dang it! I guess I’ll just go to sleep then- Zzzz…

Daisy: Wow, that was fast.

The next morning Luigi and Daisy wake up on the deck.

Luigi: I had the weirdest dream. Something about trees.

Daisy: Uh, that’s nice. I think we should pick up the others now.

Luigi: Right.

They go down into the ship and into the control room. They notice an unconscious P.T. and keep going to find Elvin and Wario at the controls.

Wario: Oh, hey guys. Did you know we’ve been moving?

Luigi: We have?!

Elvin: Yeah, Toadette bugged me, and Wario got tired of his kid so we made our way back and noticed you two on the top so we decided to pick up everyone for you.

Wario: I expect payment for this.

Elvin: Oh, we picked up that weird guy over there first. He was asleep when Kamek gave ‘im to us.

Petey walks in.

Petey: Elvin, we’re out of Yoohoos. Again.

Merlon walks in from the corridor.

Merlon: Hey everyone, I’m here!

Luigi: Hey Merlon. How’d you get on this ship if it’s moving?

Merlon: It’s a long story.

Merlon goes over to his spot and P.T. wakes up.

P.T.: Oh, hey green person. I found Kamek and we went to the inn, but they hated us so then we stayed at Kamek’s grandma’s house…

He shudders.

Petey: That’s everyone but Bombette.

Bombette drops from the ceiling.

Bombette: Hi! Oh! … Airsick…

She goes to the bathroom.

Luigi: Okay, that’s everyone! So you’re all gonna help save the world then?

Everyone else in the room: Yeah, pretty much.

Bombette’s voice: Ugh… Yeah… Urk!

Luigi: Shweet!

Bombette walks back out of the bathroom.

Petey: So Vivian gave us a way to stop Millennium Star. I wonder what’d happen if we lost and all met up in the Overthere. You think she’d be mad?

Luigi: I dunno. But for now we’re going to the North Pole Hole and killing Dimentio!

Everyone Else: Hooray.

Elvin: All right, engaging the hyper drive!

The Koopa Pilots appear.

Pilots: Can we pilot-

Elvin: NO.

Elvin pulls levers and stuff and presses a button.

Elvin: Okay guys, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride!

The Gadd Flyer starts flying really fast… in reverse!

Everyone Else’s voice: WRONG WAY!

Elvin’s voice: Okay! Sheesh!

Luigi’s voice: … Anyway…

The Gadd Flyer flies in the correct direction now. Once again Luigi and friends are headed for the North Pole Hole to take on Dimentio.

END CHAPTER 2

Read on!


 
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