Chapter 1-5: Dimentio
Luigi, Vivian, and Petey make it to Petalburg, where Wario and Daisy are waiting in the upper level of the inn.
Wario: All right, spill it. Tell us everything between you and Dimentio!
Luigi: I don’t remember promising to do that, but okay… It’s a LOOOOONG story though. You’re sure?
Everyone Else: Yes!
Luigi: Okay, but remember, you asked for it. I had joined Bowser’s Koopatrol organization to become a Koopatrol and I worked with Dimentio on many occasions and we eventually became friends. After some war we all had to put down any resistances against Koopa, all five years ago…
FLASHBACK!
Luigi, a purple and yellow clown, and two Koopatrols are on a train. though Luigi looks younger and noticeably shorter even for his age, and somewhat chubbier. Meanwhile the Koopatrol nearest Luigi looks a tall, young, and is a human. Luigi speaks to him.
Luigi: How’s it going?
Koopatrol: Meh… I needed attention so I joined Koopa.
Luigi: Okay… So clown guy, are you going to brief us on our mission?
Clown Guy: I have a name… Dimentio. And this is a special mission.
Luigi: Good.
Dimentio: … I’m not going to ask, like a person not wanting to hear of another one’s vacation trips. Now you want the briefing like a child wants ice cream? We have to investigate an old garlic plant.
Luigi: Sounds good. Where is it?
Dimentio: Toad Town.
Luigi: Woah, that’s where I’m fro!
Dimentio: … “Fro”? Kids these days…
???: ROAR!
Luigi: What was that?!
Dimentio: A monster!
RPG BATTLE!
Luigi: 50/50
Dimentio: 9999/9999
Vs.
Bahamutt Junior:
2000
Luigi: HOLY PIE!
This guy’s a beast!
Luigi uses Hammer!
2 damage!
Dimentio uses
Starburst! 1000 damage!
Bahamutt Junior
uses Claw on Dimentio! Dimentio is immune to damage!
Luigi: 50/50
Dimentio: 9999/9999
Vs.
Bahamutt Junior:
998
Luigi uses Super
Cape! 1 damage!
Dimentio uses
Exploding Box! OHKO!
Luigi: 50/50
Dimentio: 9999/9999
Vs.
Bahamutt Junior:
0
Luigi and Dimentio win!
Luigi gains 10 exp! Dimentio gains nothing!
BATTLE OVER!
END FLASHBACK!
Luigi: Dimentio is stronger than any rumors, urban legends, or fanfiction that you may have ever witnessed with him in it. I mean, seriously! He had max HP, insane POW, and outrageous DEF! I’m willing to bet his Stache level was maxed out too!
Vivian: Then what?
Luigi: We reached Toad Town…
FLASHBACK!
Dimentio walks up to the entrance of town.
Dimentio: So what’s it like being back home? I wouldn’t know; I don’t have one.
Luigi: How is that possible?
Dimentio: My mom went by the name “Queen”. I think she liked the band or something. And my dad… So anyway! Here we are, like pirates at the X!
Luigi and the two Koopatrols approach Dimentio and all head into town.
Wario voiceover: Hold on! Queen… Wasn’t that the name they gave that freaky purple thing without a head back in Koopa Tower?
Luigi voiceover: I’m getting to it! First some stuffs… like reuniting with Daisy!
Dimentio: So anyway, people are scared to leave their houses due to the monsters, like hormonally stressed out teenagers hiding from a mentally insane man with a surprisingly calm disposition.
Luigi: Horror movies in a nutshell aside, when do we leave for the Plant?
Dimentio: At dawnm so no late night parties unless they’re the right kind of party.
Luigi: How do I know what kind is the right one?
Dimentio: You’ll know…
Luigi: Okay…
Dimentio: All y’all may visit your families and friends here if you want. Ciao.
He enters a house.
Tall human Koopatrol: Did he really just say “all y’all”?
Koopatrol: Who cares?
Luigi voiceover: So I hopped into the warp pipe and entered the house on the hill. That’s where I lived.
Luigi: Hi Mom!
Older Woman: Who are you? Get out of my house! I keep telling you this isn’t your house!
Wario voiceover: Luigi, are you sure that was your house? From the sounds of it…
Luigi voiceover: Who’s telling the story here?! Anyway her game was over a few days later so it didn’t matter. Anyway after a conversation/argument with my mom I decided to visit Daisy’s house, but nobody was home.
Daisy voiceover: Did you do anything in there?!
Luigi voiceover: I played the piano…
Luigi hits the first key.
Luigi: … ALL ABOOOOOOOOOOOAAAARD!
Luigi starts playing a piano remix of Crazy Train.
Vivian voiceover: Luigi, can we get back to the story?
Luigi voiceover: Huh? Oh fine… Anyway I also later met Merle, the guy who was teaching Daisy the martial arts she knows. The next morning, Daisy’s dad was telling Dimentio not to let anything happen to Daisy as she showed us our way around Mt. Toad.
Daisy is wearing a cowboy (cowgirl?) hat and walks up to Dimentio, Luigi, and the other two guys.
Daisy’s Dad: So remember-
Dimentio: All right, I get it!
Luigi: Daisy, you’re going to be giving us the tour? And you got a weird hat?
Daisy: Yes… And it was a gift (from me to me).
Luigi: Cool… PHOTO-OP!
Daisy’s Dad: Okay.
Daisy’s dad holds the camera as Luigi grabs Dimentio and Daisy and holds them close.
Luigi and Daisy: Cheese!
Dimentio: What does cheese have to-
The photo is taken.
Tall Human Koopatrol: What about me?
Daisy’s Dad: Out of film.
Tall Human Koopatrol: Aww…
Later when the group are crossing a bridge over a canyon on Mt. Toad, it snaps and they all fall. They all recover.
Dimentio: It looks like everyone is all right.
Daisy: Okay. Anyway the caves up ahead are tricky… Wait, where’s the other Koopatrol? The one that’s actually a Koopa?
Dimentio: I apologize but there’s no time for him now.
Luigi: Good to see you’re okay at least.
Human Koopatrol: Yeah… Poor Johnson. At least his son, Johnson, is okay. He didn’t even accompany us.
They soon enter a cave.
Luigi: What’s up with the color scheme here?
Dimentio: The Garlic energy is stored in the mountain like angst in a teenager. Which should be why the Garlic Plant was built here.
They then come across some sort of fountain.
Dimentio: It’s a miracle of nature! A Garlic fountain!
Everyone gets closer.
Dimentio: Badges… When you condense the special power from Garlic, you turn it into Flower Points, which are then absorbed by special rocks, which are then cut, designed, and painted until they are the badges that the likes of you and I wear. The more Flower Points absorbed, the more it costs to use the Badge’s ability.
Human: So THAT’S how Badges are made!
Dimentio: More or less.
They eventually come across the Plant.
Dimentio: Wait out here while we go inside.
Daisy: Aww…
Dimentio: You! Guard her like a shell guarding a lobster.
Human Koopatrol: Okay…
Inside they soon come across a room with many mechanical eggs and a door with the sign that says “QUEEN” over it.
Luigi: “Queen”? Like your-
Dimentio: What’s that?
Dimentio inspects one of the eggs/chambers.
Dimentio: A malfunction? Luigi, close the valve.
He does, and then goes over to see the chamber that Dimentio is looking into.
Dimentio: Fawful… You’ll never be as good as Geno…
Luigi: Huh?
Dimentio: This is the system that condenses and freezes Garlic whenever it’s working right… But what happens to Garlic after it’s even more condensed?
Luigi: It becomes Flower Points used for Badges?
Dimentio: Right, like a nerd during a math quiz. But Fawful put something else in it…
Luigi looks inside. There’s some kind of freaky mutant, like some kind of werewolf mutant chicken thing.
Luigi: Holy shmoly! What is that?!
Dimentio: Your average Koopatrol is a Koopa Troopa, with some exposure to Garlic. Well not just Koopas, but you know what I mean. When exposed too much, much more Garlic…
Luigi: It becomes a monster like that!
Dimentio: And Fawful produces them like Nintendo produces more and more pointless sports games.
Luigi: Sir, that was a low blow. Wait, normal… What about you?
Dimentio starts freaking out a little.
Dimentio: I… don’t… know… Was I mutated?!
Dimentio starts shooting Starbursts at the chamber.
Luigi: Sir, I don’t think that’ll really do anything…
Dimentio: Silence, nonbeliever! I always knew I was different from other kids… But like THIS?!
A bolt from the QUEEN room zaps one of the chambers and it opens, and one of the mutants is having a hard time standing up.
Dimentio: Why, that looks like what’s left of Johnson’s uncle, Johnson!
Luigi voiceover: I didn’t know what Dimentio’s whining meant at the time. I also have no idea what became of Johnson’s uncle Johnson… I think he’s still out there somewhere… I was too caught up in the fact that Koopa was making monsters.
END FLASHBACK!
Wario: Grr, stupid Koopas…
Daisy: I had no idea…
Petey: That explains a lot.
Vivian: So Daisy you were right outside?
Daisy: Yeah.
Luigi: We all went back to Toad Town and Dimentio locked himself up in the inn. We later found him in Koopa Mansion. Long ago the Koopa people lived there.
FLASHBACK!
Luigi and the Human Koopatrol run up to the mansion, and they all let Luigi through so he can get inside. Inside Luigi eventually finds a secret passage into the basement. He passes by a coffin.
Voice: Would someone please let me out? I’m getting rather low on oxygen.
Luigi: Eh, you’ll be fine.
Luigi keeps going and finds Dimentio reading in a library.
Luigi: Sir?
Dimentio: “An organism that seemed dead was found in a 2000-year-old thingamabob. Geno called it the Shadow Queen or rather, Queen, for short… Day, month, year unconfirmed – Queen is confirmed to be a Person Thing of Significance. Some time period later, the Queen Project was approved, thus so was the usage of Garlic Plant 1…”
Dimentio stops reading and heads into a hallway.
Dimentio: My mom was named Queen… And here’s the Queen project… Is that a coincidence?
Luigi: I would say yes. But this is an RPG so coincidences are but crazy dreams.
Dimentio: Geno… Why didn’t you tell me anything?! You just had to go get your game ended like a dog has to go get its own tail chased… Luigi, leave me.
Luigi: Okay…
Luigi leaves.
Luigi voiceover: Dimentio never left. He just kept reading and reading through the night. There were rumors flying around about him ordering a pizza and having it delivered to the mansion, which meant we were sure he’d be in there a while.
Ominous music starts playing. Luigi wakes up and goes into another room to investigate.
Luigi: Would you turn the music down? I’m trying to sleep!
Koopatrol: Not me. But something’s different about Dimentio…
Luigi goes into the secret library.
Dimentio’s voice: Ahahaha!
Luigi walks in on Dimentio reading a joke book.
Luigi: … Sir?
Dimentio: Huh? Oh… The traitor…
Luigi: Wha?
Dimentio: The People Things of Significance would find a planet, settle down, and do stuff that I don’t quite remember. I was reading a LOT of books, give me a break, okay?! And after that they would leave to the Golden Land, where happiness would await like an oasis in a desert… But others tried to NOT do that sort of stuff, creating things to make their own lives easier…
Luigi: That would be progress, sir…
Dimentio: They took everything the People Things did, and didn’t even give anything back!
Luigi: You mean like the Pilgrims?
Dimentio: How dare you make a simile for me?! Anyway, those were your ancestors.
Luigi: I guess, but that doesn’t mean that I personally am against you.
Dimentio: Disaster took place… Your ancestors hid and the People Things sacrificed themselves for the good of Plit, and then your kind started increasing.
Luigi: … Sorry?
Dimentio: These reports are all that are left of the People Things… One of them was found 2,000 years ago and nicknamed “Queen”… That’s my mother!
Luigi: Wow, you’re old!
Dimentio: … Then the Queen Project was to produce people with Significant Powers… Like me… I was created by Geno…
Luigi: I’ll be honest, sir, I don’t know how to react to any of this.
Dimentio walks through the hall and the music stops.
Luigi: (Finally.)
Dimentio: … Here I come, Mom.
The music starts and Dimentio heads back to the Plant.
Luigi: Uh, Dimentio?
Luigi follows. Outside-
Luigi: THE TOWN IS ON FIRE!!! (And so quickly!)
Luigi checks on his house… No survivors.
Luigi: No… NOOOOO!!!
Luigi heads back to town.
Luigi: He desires his mom so much, but mine can just die, huh?! We’ll see about that!
Luigi spies Dimentio through some fire and flames, killing off some villagers. Dimentio glares at Luigi and heads off to Mt. Toad.
Luigi: Dimentio…
Later Luigi rushes into the Plant. He finds Daisy standing over her dead dad.
Daisy: Dad…
Luigi: Daisy! Daisy’s dad!
Daisy: … KOOPA!!!
Luigi: Daisy, I can’t believe it… I’m so sorry… Well I guess I won’t be needing his permission to take you out to Red Lobster then?
Daisy: …
Luigi: Too soon? I get it.
Daisy picks up a stable Starburst left over from Dimentio’s apparent attack.
Daisy: This should get rid of him…
Daisy runs into the next room.
Luigi: Daisy, wait!
Luigi runs in to see the scene. Daisy throws the Starburst at Dimentio while his back is turned. But without even looking, he catches it and throws it back at Daisy with full force, knocking her down.
Luigi: DAISY!
He catches her and Dimentio enters the QUEEN Room. Luigi props Daisy up against a chamber.
Luigi: Wait here, Daisy. And if a weird monster comes in, looking for something he may have left in that opened chamber over there – that’s just Johnson’s uncle, Johnson. But he’s cool, so don’t worry.
Daisy: Thank you for saving me…
Luigi runs up the ramp and into the room as Daisy passes out. Dimentio is in front of a robot lady statue.
Dimentio: Mother… Oh wait, that’s not you, you’re… Aunt Millie?
Dimentio goes over to a different robot lady statue.
Dimentio: Okay, this is the right one… Mom, let’s go to the Golden Land together and take back Plit!
Luigi: Dimentio, what in the world, man?! Why are you doing this to Toad Town?! I happen to live here, if you didn’t know! And I know you know because I told you!
Dimentio: Ahahaha! One of them is here, I see, much like a mailman at the door of another person’s house… Mom was supposed to rule Plit… But those foolish creatures… are taking it from her… But now I’m here… and it’ll all be better…
Luigi: Dimentio, you’re really creeping me out.
Dimentio removes the robot lady statue to reveal a vile. Inside is the Queen. She looks just like she did in Koopa Tower, except she has a head. She is indeed the Shadow Queen.
Luigi: You know what, Dimentio?! Tough! Like you and your precious mommy are the only ones who’ve had to put up with bad things!
Luigi pulls out his hammer.
Luigi: My home was taken from me just now! I’m sad too, you selfish clown!
Dimentio: I’m not sad… I’m quite pleased! I’m the Chosen One! The Golden One! I can rule Plit! And I must remove all of you!
Luigi: I looked up to you…
Dimentio: You looked to your death.
Luigi glares at Dimentio, and it looks like a fight is about to start.
FLASHBACK OVER!
Luigi: … And that’s it.
Wario: WHAT?! What then?!
Luigi: I don’t remember. Nothing at all!
Vivian: What about Dimentio?
Luigi: Well clearly he won since he’s still alive.
Daisy: Luigi, you’re alive too.
Luigi: … Oh yeah. I guess it was a tie then or something.
Daisy: The newspaper said that Dimentio was dead.
Vivian: The newspaper can’t be trusted. Koopa controls it. Why do you think all the funnies lately have been replaced with tributes to Bowser after his death?
Luigi: I want to know what happened. Why he didn’t kill me. I mean, I’m not complaining, but still.
Daisy: I’m still alive too…
Vivian: The Shadow Queen… She was in the Koopa building, right?
Luigi: Bowser had it transported.
Vivian: Did someone else carry it out then?
Wario: UGH! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE! Luigi, if you have a mystery that I want to know about, DON’T TELL ME! I’m going! Let’s go! We have a jester to kill!
Luigi: Right.
Wario goes downstairs.
Daisy: Luigi, how bad a condition was I in?
Luigi: I thought you were going to die. But thankfully I was wrong.
Vivian: Luigi… All this stuff, and then the fact that I’m a Significant Person… It’s just…
Daisy: Maybe we should just go.
Luigi/Vivian: Right.
They all head downstairs.
Petey: … That
was better than cable.
Chapter 1-6: Luigi’s Continental Tour
Luigi is on the world map.
Luigi: Okay, after leaving the inn, this NPC said that he saw Dimentio in a grassy field area, so he should be- Hey, a farm!
Luigi enters Moo Moo Farm.
Luigi: What’s going on?
Goomba: Well this is the cow farm, where you can raise and ride cows.
Luigi: Wouldn’t the proper Mario version of those Final Fantasy birds be Yoshis?
Goomba: Well the author sort of painted himself into a corner with Boshi being the last Yoshi, so here we are.
Luigi: I see.
Goomba: You’re gonna need to ride a cow across the swamp, or the dragons’ll dun eat you whole!
Luigi: Okay… Where do I get one?
Goomba: You have to bribe one into joining you during a random battle.
Luigi: Oh, forget that.
Luigi, Vivian, and Petey (Wario and Daisy are in the Place Where Party Members Go When Not Being Used) cross the swamp on foot and get into a fight with Fracktail Original (Fracktail as he is in Super Paper Mario). Nothing special happens. But on the other side of the marsh…
Luigi: Dimentio was here…
There’s a post-it note on the wall that says “Dimentio was here” on it in his handwriting. Oh, and there’s also an impaled Wracktail here.
Vivian: We’re going after the man that can do this…
Petey: Can I ditch you guys and go home now? I mean, what’s going on? Do you have any fathom of what this guy’s strength is?
Luigi: Hmm… IT’S OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAND!
Petey: WHAT, NINE-THOUSAND?!
Vivian: … Let’s enter the cave.
Inside they’re greeted by a familiar voice.
Dr. Topper: Stop.
Luigi: Yoshis!
Petey: I hoped I’d never see you guys again… Especially you, Dr. Topper. You smell weird.
Dr. Topper: …
Female Voice: Boss.
Dr. Topper looks up. It’s Mimi.
Mimi: You’re too quiet; let me talk.
Dr. Topper: Fine…
Mimi: I’m the newest Yoshi, Mimi. Because you brutalized our member Boshi, we’re short a member. Though that is the reason I’m even part of this group now. Now we have to find Dimentio and stop you.
Dr. Topper: Backwards.
Mimi: … Oopsie. Yeah, reverse what I said.
Croco walks in.
Croco: Both of you! Knock it off! They don’t need to know about our job! Get back to work!
Mimi: Okay, we’ll go find Dimentio, who’s going to Ricco Harbor.
Dr. Topper: Mimi, what in the world?!
Mimi: … Awww, I messed up again!
Croco: Just go!
Dr. Topper and Mimi leave.
Croco: Intern…
Dr. Topper’s voice: Boshi’s coming after you after he heals up!
Croco: Vivian, long time no see.
Vivian: Get away!
Croco: I didn’t even approach you… Anyway, stay out of Koopa’s way!
Croco leaves.
Petey: Ricco Harbor, huh?
Luigi: Sounds like a plan.
The party exit the mine and pass Fort Sand Bird. But they don’t care. However they do run into a random battle in the forest!
RPG BATTLE!
Luigi: 300/300
Vivian: 290/290
Petey: 290/290
Vs.
Bob-omb Girl:
260/260
Luigi uses Fire
Jump Punch! Bob-omb Girl explodes! 12 damage to both!
Vivian uses Shade
Fist! Bob-omb Girl explodes! 14 damage to both!
Petey uses Leaf
Slap! 14 damage!
Bob-omb Girl
uses Body Slam on Luigi! 13 damage!
Luigi: 273/300
Vivian: 276/290
Petey: 290/290
Vs.
Bob-omb Girl:
222/260
Luigi: Okay, maybe
we should avoid fire attacks…
Luigi uses Jump!
20 damage!
Vivian uses Healing
Wave! Everyone regains 20 HP!
Petey charges
his Final Smash!
Bob-omb Girl
lights her fuse!
Luigi: 293/300
Vivian: 290/290
Petey: 290/290
(Charging)
Vs.
Bob-omb Girl:
202/260 (Fuse lit)
Luigi uses Appeal!
Luigi gains 12 Flower Points!
Vivian uses Veil
with Luigi! They’re invisible!
Petey unleashes
his Final Smash! Petey uses Hurler! Petey spews sludge all over the field!
40 damage! Bob-omb Girl explodes on contact! Explosion deals 70 damage
to herself and Petey! Luigi and Vivian are immune!
Luigi and Vivian
return.
Luigi: 293/300
Vivian: 290/290
Petey: 220/290
Vs.
Bob-omb Girl:
92/260
Luigi uses Jump!
20 damage!
Vivian uses Shroom
Shake on Petey! Petey regains 30 HP!
Petey uses Sludge
Ball! 30 damage!
Bob-omb Girl
uses Body Slam on Vivian! 13 damage!
Luigi: 293/300
Vivian: 277/290
Petey: 260/290
Vs.
Bob-omb Girl:
42/260
Luigi uses Jump!
20 damage!
Vivian uses Appeal!
Vivian gains 10 Flower Points!
Petey uses Leaf
Slap! 14 damage!
Bob-omb Girl
is defeated!
Luigi: 293/300
Vivian: 277/290
Petey: 260/290
Vs.
Bob-omb Girl:
0/260
Luigi, Vivian,
and Petey win!
Luigi gains a
level! Vivian gains a level! Petey gains 138 exp!
BATTLE OVER!
The Bob-omb girl falls over. Luigi walks up to her.
Bob-omb: Oww…
She gets up.
Bob-omb: You’re mean! I bet you can’t do it again though!
Luigi: I don’t wanna.
Bob-omb: Do it!
Luigi: No.
Bob-omb: Why? Chicken? (Wow, that sugar and sugar alone that I ate is really starting to get to me.)
Luigi: … Yes, that’s exactly the case. Now run along-
Petey: Luigi, are you seriously-
Luigi: Shut up, Petey.
Bob-omb: Well I am the strongest Bob-omb I know. I’m gonna go now… Yep… Any second now… Gone in a flash-
Luigi: All right, you can come with us, sheesh!
Bob-omb: If you insist.
Luigi: Right… insist…
Luigi, Vivian, and Petey walk off.
Luigi: Welcome to the party.
Petey’s voice: We’ve got fun and games.
Luigi’s voice: Petey, shut up.
Bob-omb: But you didn’t even ask for my name!
Luigi’s voice: Don’t care.
Bob-omb: I’m Bombette!
Luigi’s voice: Still don’t care. Look, if you’re gonna be with us, hurry up or we’ll leave you. You’re not even a mandatory party member.
Bombette: (I’m on my way…)
Luigi adjusts his party (Luigi, Vivian, Bombette) and they all head to Ricco Harbor. The part they’re in is a mountainside village. They also overhear that Koopa built a city higher up. They go down to the beach, where a little girl is playing with a dolphin.
Luvbi: Are you guys with the Koopas?
Vivian: No.
Luvbi: You’re lying! Go away!
Luigi: And who are you to judge us on something like that?! … Fine!
Bombette: … Oh DAYD! … No, the accent just doesn’t work. Anyways, oh DAD!
Kingfin is approaching the shore.
Kingfin: ROAAAR!
Kingfin knocks the dolphin away and knocks out Luvbi.
Luigi: Woah! That’s not good!
Luigi drags Luvbi out of the water and then walks to the shore.
Luigi: Thunderrr!
Luigi charges his hand with electricity and puts it in the water, shocking Kingfin.
Kingfin: AKLHVB;KAJVADFGJ;AJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Kingfin explodes and his skull lands near Bombette. She climbs inside and explodes, destroying the skull. Bombette lands on Luigi’s head.
Luigi: Ouch.
Vivian: I think she’ll be all right.
Bombette: I am.
Vivian: I meant the little kid.
Bombette: Oh.
Grambi: No, she’s not breathing.
Vivian: I was about to say that.
Grambi: You! Green one! Give her mouth-to-mouth!
Luigi: I don’t know how!
Grambi: Then I’ll teach you!
Luigi: If you know so much then why don’t you do it?!
Grambi: … You’re right.
Grambi does so. The party stays at the inn but that night Luigi gets a crazy dream.
Voice 1: That reminds me-
Voice 2: Hold on, who are you?
Voice 1: In time, Luigi. Now remember five years ago at Mt. Toad when Daisy led you?
Luigi’s voice: Yes…
Voice: Where was she other than that?
Luigi’s voice: Eh? I don’t know…
Voice: Why couldn’t you two be alone? There was always someone else with you. Someone who seemed rather out of place for his job, to be specific…
Luigi: I don’t know…
Voice: Ask Daisy. Get up and ask her.
Luigi: Okay, voice in my head.
Luigi wakes up.
Luigi: Daisy, you’re here! How convenient! Where were you when Dimentio and I went to Toad Town?
Daisy: We met…
Luigi: The other time.
Daisy: I don’t quite remember. It was five years ago. Something weird is going on outside, we should probably see.
Everyone groups together outside.
Wario: What’s going on anyway?!
Petey: That music… It seems to be coming from higher up. Could it be the Koopas?
Luvbi hovers out of her house and over to Luigi.
Luvbi: Thanks for saving me earlier.
Luigi: No problem. What are you doing up?
Luvbi: The weird music, duh.
Luigi: Oh yeah…
Luvbi: I think they’re rehearsing the reception of the new president.
Wario: Oh yeah, Bowser died and his son took over.
Luvbi: You can get up there by doing a complicated dolphin thing.
Luigi: No, I think I’ll just do this!
Luigi holds me at gunpoint until I agree to place them in the upper city. So they’re there. Luigi is climbing up a ladder and finds himself on a runway. And ahead of him is… The Koopa Cruiser!
Luigi: Wow! That is an impressive airship!
Luigi heads into a building and Koopatrols are marching through, going on about the new president. Captain Hammer notices Luigi.
Captain Hammer: Why aren’t you in your armor?!
Luigi: I-
Captain: Hurry and change and get out here!
Luigi: Okay…
In the changing room, Luigi dons some armor. He somewhat resembles that human Koopatrol.
Captain: Remember the greeting procedure?
Luigi: Nope.
Captain: Good, I just made it up. Let’s go. However, you must sing the Junior Koopa theme as we all prepare to march.
Outside, General Guy leads a parade of Koopatrols (Junior is waving to people from inside a vehicle of his), and the disguised Luigi joins in the back. The troops sing Junior’s song. Luigi also notices a GIGANTIC cannon.
Luigi: (Wow.)
Junior’s Song:
“The Koopa”
(Intro)
You can't
kill the Koopas…
The Koopas
will live on.
Goombas tried
to kill the Koopas…
but they failed!
As they were smitten to the ground.
Shy Guys tried
to kill the Koopas!
But they failed
as they were stricken down to the ground.
"Boos" tried
to kill the Koopas…
Hahahahaha!
They failed! As they were thrown to the ground.
Aiieee!
(Instruments)
Aiieee!
(Instruments)
(Harmonizing)
No one can
destroy the Koopas.
The Koopas
will strike you down with a vicious blow.
We are the
vanquished foes of the Koopas.
We tried to
win but why, we do not know.
Hammer Bros.
tried to destroy the Koopas.
But the Koopas
had their way!
Boos then
tried to dethrone the Koopas,
But Koopas
were in the way!
Chain Chomps
tried to destroy the Koopas,
But the Koopas
were much too strong!
Shy Guys tried
to defile the Koopas!
But Shy Guys
were proven wrong!
Yeah!
(More guitar)
Koopas!
From the Underwhere!
(Outro)
After the parade with the song, Junior is watching General Guy lead a bunch of Koopatrols (and Luigi) in some kind of routine.
General Guy: Now form into a Koopa pyramid!
Koopatrol #1: But sir, our spiky shells will hurt other soldiers’ hands and knees!
Koopatrol #2: And Johnson’s cousin Johnson can’t afford any more hospital bills!
General Guy: You’ll be a pyramid and you’ll like it.
Junior: No they won’t.
General Guy: Aww… Anyway the Koopa Cruiser should take about three more days.
Junior: Dang it!
Junior leaves in an elevator thing and General Guy storms off because Junior doesn’t like his laugh.
Koopatrol #2: Hey Spiky Tom, did you hear about that purple and yellow clown seen around the city?
Spiky Tom: Yeah, I sure did, Spiky John.
Luigi: Clown?
Spiky Tom: Yeah, he killed some of our men.
Luigi: That’s not good at all.
Captain Hammer: You! You’re going to see the president off and I’m going to drill you until it’s time to go!
Luigi: Can we just skip to that part instead of the actual drilling?
Captain: It’s like you read my mind. (Thank goodness I’m far too lazy to teach him… I don’t even remember how…)
Two Koopatrols walk up to Luigi and the captain.
Bill: We forgot the drill too.
Ted: Teach us?
Captain: Eh, we decided on winging it. What’s the worst that could happen?
Later after the send-off…
Junior: That was the worst send-off ever. But I don’t care. C’mon, General Guy.
General Guy: Right.
Junior and General Guy walk into the nearby cargo ship. Petey is seen behind a barrel, but he ducks down.
Junior: Once people know that Dimentio’s here, Luigi and his friends will come here.
Luigi/Petey: (Too late.)
General Guy: Don’t worry, we’ll crush ‘em! They can’t hide from us! General Guy is PRET-TY aware of things! If one of them were right behind me right now, I’d sock ‘em!
Petey sticks his leaf arm out from behind a barrel and adjusts General Guy’s hat.
Petey: There you go.
General Guy: Thank you.
Junior: General Guy-
General Guy: Relax, sir, we’re perfectly fine!
Junior: … I hate you.
Junior and General Guy head further into the ship.
Bill: You notice General Guy’s been somewhat cranky since Fawful resigned for no adequately explored reason?
Ted: Yeah. Why do you always get to speak first?
Bill: Because.
Captain: Hey! All of you! Dismissed! Cleaning time!
Captain Hammer and all the Koopatrols but Luigi leave.
Luigi: Finally…
Luigi sneaks aboard the ship.
Petey: Good to see you, Luigi. Now c’mon, the others are already aboard.
Luigi: All righty.
And now Luigi and friends are at sea with the Koopas.