Chapter 5: This Island Yoshi
Twink: Thanks a bundle for saving me!
Luigi: Hey, what was he using you for, anyway?
Twink: He used me to super-power his tank! ... But you having a Starman made that plot point almost completely useless.
Twink stares at me... which is creepy. STOP IT, CREEPY MC.CREEP!
Luigi: Anyway, I wonder where the next Star Spirit is? Usually, YOU tell me where it is.
Twink: Yeah, I'm wondering that myself...
Watt: Hey Luigi, there's a guy that looks just like you! Is he your brother?
They look over at Mario, who's running towards them.
Mario: THERE you are, Luigi! I've been looking all over for you!
Luigi: What is it, Mario?
Mario: Well, long story short, I found out where a Star Spirit is!
Luigi: That's great! ... Where is it?
Mario: Yoshi's Island!
Luigi, Watt, and Twink all stare awkwardly at each other for a moment.
Watt: ... Maybe we should've stayed on the train.
Mario: Oh, don't worry, there's a dock in the south of town. You can take a boat that goes straight to the island!
Luigi: That's... helpful.
Watt: And isn't that a little too-
Twink: Predictable? Contrived? CONVENIENT?
... An Albatross swoops in out of nowhere, eats Twink, and flies away again.
Watt: Oh my god... this author is sadis-
Luigi covers her mouth.
Luigi: Riiiiight, let's just go
to the dock!
Shy Guy: All right, General Guy, they're going to the docks, just as we predicted!
General Guy: I told you, I'm not General Guy anymore...
He steps out of the shadows, revealing that he's wearing a pirate hat, an eye patch, and a fake peg leg... oh yeah, and he's also holding a sword.
General Guy: I am CAPTAIN Guy now! ARRRRRRRR!
Shy Guy: Yes, sir, I know, I know... but do we really have to wear these peg legs? They make it really hard to walk...
Captain Guy: DON'T QUESTION MY LEADERSHIP!
Captain Guy uses his sword to slice the Shy Guy's hat in half.
Captain Guy: ... Go get another pirate hat from storage.
Shy Guy: *sigh* Yes, sir...
Luigi: Okay... why don't I see any boats?!
Mario: Hm... It seems that they've all been rented!
Luigi: WHO WOULD RENT EVERY BOAT
AT THE DOCK?!
Captain Guy: With this army of
boats that I sto- er... rented, no one will stand in my way! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Watt: How are we supposed to get to the island with no boats?
Kolorado: Hello there, gents! Turns out that the train couldn't go directly to Yoshi's Island, so we had to get off at Toad Town!
Luigi: Okay... but did you really have to bring HIM?
He points at Pennington.
Pennington: I deduce *munch* that we have run out of *munch* Pringles! I inquire that we should get more!
Kolorado: He makes me look much better by comparison.
Kolorado: ... Hey, where are all of the boats?
Watt: That's what WE want to know.
Pennington: OH MY GOD! ... When did SHE get here?!
Watt shines brighter, which goes through Pennington's monocle and damages his eye even more.
They all laugh at Pennington's misfortune as Watt spots something suddenly rising out of the ocean.
Watt: Hey, what's that?
Luigi: It looks like a whale, so I'm going to do the most sensible thing... I'm gonna do a Ground Pound on it!
Luigi does exactly that.
Whale: GAH!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!
Luigi: Oh, er... sorry.
Whale: Sorry? SORRY?! THAT HURT! It's almost worse than having my blubber illegally turned into oil!
Luigi: Well, geez... Is there anything I can do to make up for it?
Whale: Well, there's a parasite slowly eating away at my insides. I want you to get it out.
Luigi: ... You serious?
Whale: LUIGI MARIO, COME ON DOWN!
The whale uses his blowhole to suck Luigi inside of his body.
Luigi: That was... disturbing.
Luigi dusts himself off and walks around inside the whale's body.
Luigi: Blech, this is GROSS... I hope I'll never have to do anything like this again.
Luigi spots the "parasite" (in reality, a Fuzzipede) munching on the whale's stomach.
Luigi: Um... Are you supposed to be a parasite?
Fuzzipede turns around.
Fuzzipede: What da'... No WAY!
Luigi: Then why are you slowly eating away at the whale's insides while he dies a slow and agonizing death?
Fuzzipede: I've been trapped in 'dis place for WEEKS! What ELSE am I supposed ta' do?! Just wait here until I starve ta' death?!
Luigi: Well, you can always tug his uvula...
Fuzzipede: ... SON OF A-
Luigi and the Fuzzipede suddenly fly out of the whale's blowhole, landing on the dock.
Luigi: ... What just happened?
Mario gives Luigi a thumbs up as he takes out a giant feather.
Mario: That was great, hu-
The feather suddenly disappears as Mario gets a cape on his back.
Mario: Oh great, not THAT again. It takes FOREVER to get this thing off. Well, in the meantime, I guess I'll fly there. Seeya!
Mario waves goodbye as he flies off into the distance.
Fuzzipede: ... That was whack.
Fuzzipede hops off.
Whale: Um... yes, well, thank you for helping me get that thing out, I guess... Do you all want to take a ride on me or something?
Luigi, Watt, and Kolorado hop onto the whale.
Kolorado: ... You ready yet?!
Pennington: I'M COMIN', I'M COMIN'!
Pennington hops onto the whale.
Pennington: All right, I'm ready.
Kolorado: Um ... Are you wearing an eye patch?
Whale: So, where do you all want to go?
Luigi: To Yoshi's Island!
Whale: Good... I actually know where that is!
The whale turns around and starts to
swim toward the island.
Captain Guy: Ah, the fresh air... the polluted ocean water... this day feels right, ya know? It just feels right!
Shy Guy: CAPTAIN!
The Shy Guy runs toward Captain Guy, but trips due to his peg leg.
Captain Guy: What is it, ye scallywag?!
Shy Guy: It's Mario!
Captain Guy: What did you say?!
Shy Guy: I said that Mario's coming, sir!
Captain Guy: ... Interesting. Lemme see! I WANNA SEE!
Captain Guy grabs the telescope and looks out into the sky, seeing Mario flying with his cape.
Captain Guy: Hey, it IS Mario! You'd think that he would've learned after we threw him out of that window!
Shy Guy: What should we do, sir?!
Captain Guy: What else?! We should commit mindless acts of violence!
Shy Guy: ... What kind of-
Captain Guy: FIRE THE BULLET BILLS!
The Shy Guys scramble around madly as they fire Bullet Bills at Mario.
Mario gets hit by one and loses his power-up.
Mario: Uh oh...
He falls down on to the ship, where he's surrounded by Shy Guys.
Shy Guy #2: What should we do with 'im, Cap'n?
Captain Guy: Just let our new
recruits handle him...
On Yoshi's Island...
Whale: Well, this is where I drop you all off! I'll wait here until you get back... I mean, it's not like I have anything else to do. After all… I’m a whale!
Luigi & Co. hop off of the whale and walk onto the beach.
Kolorado: Ah, yes, the sweet smell of victory! Now that we’re on the island, we just need to go to Mt. Lavalava!
Watt: … Seriously, did the developers just run out of names, or something?!
Pennington: I deduce that that… is most likely.
Luigi: What are you looking for there, anyway?
Kolorado: A rare and expensive artifact! … If any museums want it for enough money, I can take myself a well-deserved relocation to the Bahamas!
Luigi: I see…
Kolorado: We shall venture forth! … Until we find something shiny and expensive!
They all march into a nearby forest.
Spear Guy: (Hey, they not from here!)
Fuzzy: (Yeah! … And Koopa mustache just look fake.)
Spear Guy: (ATTACK!)
The Spear Guy and Fuzzy suddenly start attacking Kolorado and Pennington.
Kolorado: OWWWWW!!! HELP!!!! THIS IS SOMEWHAT INCONVENIENT!!!
Pennington: WAHHHHHHH!!! I’M TOO PRETTY TO DIE!!!!
Luigi sighs and jumps on both the Fuzzy and the Spear Guy’s heads, making them vanish into a puff of smoke.
Kolorado: Um… yes, TALLY HO!!!
Kolorado walks along until he reaches the edge. Below is a river of boiling magma, which borders Mt. Lavalava.
Kolorado: ... Shoot.
Luigi: What is it?
Kolorado: There's no bridge here! How are we supposed to get into the dangerous volcano NOW?!
Pennington: I deduce that we should go back into the village to ask for help...
Luigi: Um... I could just carry both of you and just jump up there.
Kolorado: NO! That would be too easy!
Luigi: Huh? What do you mean?
Watt: We need to make the chapter longer.
They walk into (the creatively named) Yoshi Village... a village inhabited by Yoshis. Right now, everyone is in a huge state of panic.
Kolorado: It seems that everyone is in a huge state of panic!
Watt: I wonder what's going on?
Chief Yoshi: IT'S TERRIBLE!
Pennington: Is all of the fruit missing? ... If so, it wasn't me.
Chief Yoshi: Wha- no! All of the children are missing! Someone volunteered to go find them... but she never returned!
Luigi: ... Yeah, that's pretty terrible.
Watt: Don't worry, we'll help! ... Isn't that right, guys?
She glances over at Kolorado and Pennington.
Kolorado: Sure! Wherever are they at?
Chief Yoshi: I think they're in a swamp.
Pennington: Er... that's gonna be a problem.
Chief Yoshi: ... Why?
Kolorado: Well, um... neither one of us can swim.
Luigi: You're telling me that a turtle and a penguin can't even swim?!
Pennington: Not unless you give us floaties.
Luigi: C'mon, Watt, we'll do this ourselves.
Watt nods (to the best of her ability) and follows Luigi into the swamp.
Chief Yoshi: Oh, thank you! Thank
you ever so much!
Down in the Bayou...
Luigi: Now, where could those little rascals be?
Luigi spots a Yoshi across the river.
Luigi: There's one!
He tries to jump into the river, but ends up getting blocked by an invisible force field.
Luigi: Oh great, not another one...
Watt: Silly! You can't just jump into the water willy-nilly! You need to be on some sort of surface! Everyone knows that!
Luigi: First time I'VE heard of it... Well, I guess I’d better go find something!
Luigi and Watt casually stroll through the deadly swamp.
Watt: Hey, will SHE suffice?
Watt turns Luigi around so that he’s facing a purple Cheep Cheep, who’s trapped between several Hurt Plants.
Hurt Plants: YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE MESSIN’ WITH, YOU GOT NO IDE—
Luigi nonchalantly walks through, squishing all of them without a second thought.
Luigi: Hey, want to help me rescue those Yoshi Kids, umm…
Cheep Cheep: Sushie.
Luigi: Yeah, Sushie.
Sushie: Um… OKAY!
Watt starts to get sucked into Luigi’s pocket.
She resists for awhile, but the inevitable eventually happens…
Goombario: Oh! Hey there, newbie! We’re playing Rummy! Wanna join us?
Watt: … *sigh*
Luigi: Anyway, let’s go!
Luigi hops onto Sushie, who then hops into the water.
Luigi: Come, Yoshi Kids, jump into my warm embrace!
Yoshi Kid: What? I don’t roll that way!
Luigi: $%&, just jump into my hands!
Yoshi Kid #2: Whatever.
They jump into his, um… “warm embrace” as Sushie swims back to the shore.
Yoshi Chief: Wow! That was quick! As thanks for saving the children, I’m going to give you this rock thingy!
The Yoshi Chief gives a blue stone shaped like a raven to Luigi.
Luigi: What does this do?
Yoshi Chief: If you put it in a pedestal, it’ll summon a giant, peeved Raven to do your bidding.
Luigi: … Cool!
Luigi dashes over to the pedestal and slams the stone in it.
Raphael (a giant Raven, if you don’t already know): CAW!!! WHO DARES AWAKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER?!
Raphael: … Fair enough.
Raphael hops down from the tree.
Raphael: All right, what do ya want?
Luigi: My friends and I want to get to Mt. Lavalava.
Raphael: Oh, okay then.
Raphael grabs Luigi & Co. with one of his feet and lobs them up there.
Luigi: … OW.
Kolorado: I’m having a hard time not screaming British profanities right now…
They all get up, dusting themselves off… except for Sushie.
Luigi: Is everyone accounted for? … Wait a minute, where’s Sushie?!
Pennington: Hey, is that a big fishstick over there?
Luigi: Er… Hey Watt, it’s time to come back out!
She flies back out of his pocket.
Goombario: … WHAT IN THE WORLD?!
Kooper: Well, this stinks!
Bow: Hey guys, we ran out of Cheerios!
Goombario and Kooper: …
Energizer Bunny: This is a dark and evil place…
Bombette: Are you sure you don’t have a flashlight?
Energizer Bunny: YES!
Kolorado: Anyway, we shall venture into the volcano! … Are you going to be joining us, Pennington?
Pennington is sitting down in front of Sushie (the “fishstick”).
Pennington: No, no, I’m good…
Kolorado: All right… We shall venture forth, in search of the artifact!
Luigi, Watt, and Kolorado enter the volcano.
Kolorado: Good lord, it’s HOT in here…
Kolorado starts fanning himself with his fedora.
???: GEEZ, YA REALLY THINK SO?
Kolorado: Yeah, I’m about to burn up!
???: AW, THAT’S TOO BAD…
Kolorado starts to feel drool on his head.
He looks up, seeing a giant, flaming Piranha Plant.
???: THE NAME’S LAVA PIRANHA, CHUMP! YOU’RE ALL KINDA SMALL… BUT I GUESS YOU’LL MAKE TASTY SNACKS!
Kolorado: Luigi, my good boy, DO SOMETHING!
Luigi: Er… Does anyone have a FLUDD?
Kolorado: What on Earth— er… Plit is a FLUDD?!
Luigi: Oh well, it was worth a try…
Lava Piranha: WHAT’CHA GOONA DO NOW, PLUMBAH?!
Luigi: Um… SUPER MEGA ULTRA RANDOM PLOT DEVICE DEATH DOOGITY THING… BLAH!!!
Lava Piranha explodes in a flash of light-green fire.
Kolorado: Um… Wow. Did the author just get lazy, or what?
Luigi: Yeah, he did. And he’s admitting it too.
A card descends out of the sky and Luigi grabs it, giving a thumbs up to no one in particular.
END OF CHAPTER
Wow, he’s already over halfway there, only three more to go! … Wait, this chapter isn’t quite over, is it?
Kolorado: … Huh? We’re still here?
Misstar: It seems that way…
Watt: But what else could possibly happen? We’ve already got the Star Spirit!
The volcano starts to rumble.
Watt: … I shouldn’t have said that, should I?
The volcano shakes even harder.
Misstar: Um… well, look at the time! Good luck!
She flies away.
Luigi: Thanks for stickin’ with us…
The volcano erupts, making them all fly out conveniently to where Pennington is.
Kolorado: Ugh… Hey, Pennington.
Pennington walks closer to them, revealing that he has a fat belly.
Pennington: Er… Hey, guys, what’s up?
Luigi looks up at him and shudders for a little bit.
Luigi: Gah… Nothing, nothing! Let’s just get outta here!
Kolorado: WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE ISLAND…
Luigi grabs Kolorado and Pennington, jumping from the ledge and back to the island.
Kolorado: Well… this isn’t this just a dirty, rotten pickle?! Even if there WAS any artifacts in there, they’d be destroyed!
Pennington: Well, I deduce that I’ll be going back home after this is over…
They all walk back into the village.
Yoshi Chief: Oh, you're all back, huh? ... Where's Sushie?
Luigi: She's, um... unavailable at the moment.
Yoshi Chief: Oh, okay! Anyway, something shiny just landed here, I figured the strange British guy might like it.
Kolorado stares at it in awe.
Kolorado: I-it's... AN ARTIFACT!
Kolorado takes the artifact from the chief's hands.
Kolorado: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!
Kolorado hugs him.
Yoshi Chief: This is very uncomfortable...
Kolorado: Well, anyway, I guess we'll be going now!
They all go to the whale and hop on his back.
Luigi: All right, it's time to go back home!
The whale swims away from the island... while someone else just now climbs onto the island.
Jr. Troopa: *huff... puff...* It took HOURS to swim here...
He looks back at the whale, which, of course, has Luigi sitting on him.
Jr. Troopa: ... MOTHER-
Shy Guy: SIR!!!
Captain Guy: What is it?! Can't you see that I'm playing checkers?!
Shy Guy looks at him. Captain Guy is sitting in front of a table. There's a checkerboard on the table with a Parrot sitting on the other side.
Captain Guy: It's been 45 minutes and he hasn't moved any of his pieces. He must have a really good strategy... Anyway, what were you saying?
Shy Guy: Um... yeah, anyway, there's a whale swimming this way!
Captain Guy: ... So?
Shy Guy: Luigi's riding on it!
Captain Guy: Ohhhhh... this'll be interesting! SHY GUYS, SET UP THE CANNONS!!!
The Shy Guys scramble around, regularly tripping while trying to run to the cannons.
Captain Guy: ... And you...
Shy Guy: M-me, sir?
Captain Guy: Go call our new troops...
Luigi: ... Hey, is that a ship over there?
Watt: Those look like cannons...
Whale: Um... Would any of you prefer to go to another destination?
Captain Guy: FIRE!!!
The Shy Guys fire Bullet Bills at the whale, narrowly missing.
Kolorado: BLOODY MARY!!!
Pennington: ... I think I wet myself.
Captain Guy: How are you all missing?! The whale's barely even moving!
The Shy Guys stare nervously at him.
Captain Guy: Ugh... FIRE THE BANZAI BILLS!
The Shy Guys get out the bigger cannons and load the Banzai Bills, firing them towards the whale.
Luigi: Uh oh, that doesn't look good...
Whale: Um... Smell you guys later!
The whale starts to submerge himself underwater.
Watt: Geez, YOU'RE a big help!
Kolorado: Luigi, be a good man, and SAVE US!
Luigi grabs Kolorado and Pennington, jumps off the whale, and bounces off the Banzai Bill and onto the ship. (Watt just floats up there.)
Captain Guy: Hello, my old friends! ... And two other guys.
Luigi: So... I see that you're going with a pirate theme right now?
Captain Guy: Yeah, it's a phase I'm going through.
Luigi: I see...
Captain Guy: Now then... MEET MY NEW TROOPS! In fact, you may have already become acquainted with them...
Dark figures come out, shrouded in shadow.
???: We protect the world from devastation...
???: Unite the world within our nation...
???: Find out about the power of love...
???: ... AND EAT PIZZA!!!
All: We are...
They step out of the shadows, dramatically revealing themselves.
All: THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TUR- er... THE KOOPA BROS!
Red Koopa: Missed us?
Luigi: Er... not particularly.
Yellow Koopa: B-but... we did that dramatic entrance just for you!
Luigi: Look, can I kick your butts and just get his over with?
Black Koopa: I don't think it'll be quite that easy, pal!
Black Koopa ties Mario to the flagpole and pulls him all the way to the top.
Black Koopa: Until we say otherwise, your brother will be our flag!
Yellow Koopa: And after that, he'll be our doormat.
Luigi: Gah, MARIO!
Mario: LUIGI, HELP!
Luigi: Grrr... Let him go, you creeps!
Red Koopa: Ha! No way, dude!
Green Koopa: We aren't called the "Villains in a Half-Shell" for nothin'!
Watt: Yeah... the author thought that was a clever TMNT parody.
Green Koopa: Shaddup.
Luigi, Watt, and the Koopa Bros. all take a fighting stance.
Luigi: One of you guys rescue Mario! The rest of us… FIGHT TO THE DEATH… or until someone gets tired. Whatever comes first.
Pennington: Um… Hey, Marty-o! I’m comin’!
Pennington quickly waddles over to the flagpole and starts to climb up towards Mario.
Kolorado: B-but… I can’t fight!
The Black Koopa starts to charge towards Kolorado.
Kolorado runs away from the Black Koopa, who’s chasing him around in circles. Red Koopa and Green Koopa then charge towards Luigi and Watt, respectively.
Yellow Koopa: … HEY! I don’t have anything to do!
He looks at Pennington, who’s climbing up the pole.
Yellow Koopa: Hm…
Luigi jumps over Red Koopa as he ducks into his shell and speeds toward him. Watt then leads Green Koopa (who’s also in his shell) around in a circle, making him collide with Red Koopa. Yellow Koopa grabs Captain Guy’s Parrot and puts him in a small slingshot, launching it at Pennington with perfect precision.
Pennington: OW! OW! Stop pecking me, ya stupid Parrot! I AM THE WORLD-FAMOUS PENNINGTON!
Luigi spots the Parrot pecking Pennington.
Luigi: I must aim with perfect precision…
As Kolorado runs past, Luigi whacks him with his hammer, making him collide with the Parrot. Both Kolorado and the Parrot fall back down. (Somewhat) Thankfully, Pennington is safe.
Pennington takes out a pocket knife, cutting the rope that restrained Mario. He jumps down and immediately smashes Black Koopa’s shell with his hammer, making the shell break into pieces.
Mario: THAT’S FOR PULLING ME UP THAT POLE, YOU JERK!
Captain Guy: YIKES! Mario is loose! Shy Guys, mobilize! The Koopa Bros. need backup!
Captain Guy takes out his sword and jumps in front of Luigi.
Captain Guy: You’ve been a thorn in my side for two chapters! Well, no more! We shall fight… ONE ON ONE!
Luigi: But… I don’t even have a swo—
Captain Guy: ATTACK!
Luigi quickly gets out his hammer, blocking Captain Guy’s sword. Mario hops over Red Koopa and slams Watt down into him, shocking the Koopa until Mario takes him off. As Green Koopa charges towards Kolorado, he simply grabs Green Koopa’s hand and tosses him overboard.
Kolorado: I’m getting really tired of this rubbish…
Yellow Koopa hops in front of Pennington.
Yellow Koopa: Looks like it’s just you and me, fraidy-cat!
Pennington looks up at the sun.
Pennington: … AHA!
Pennington takes out his monocle and positions it to where the sunlight shines directly into one of Yellow Koopa’s eyes.
Yellow Koopa: AUUUUUGHHH!!! MY EYE!
He falls onto the ground, writhing in pain.
Pennington: I deduce that you’ve just been PUNK’D!
Luigi jumps and flips around, still in the midst of an intense battle with Captain Guy.
Captain Guy: Ready to give up yet?
Luigi: Why would I give up now?
Captain Guy points to the Shy Guys, who have all unsheathed their swords and surrounded Luigi’s friends.
Captain Guy: … That’s why. Heh heh…
Luigi: Oh, great… NOW what do I do?!
Whale: Jump out of the way!
The Whale spits out a Banzai Bill at a high velocity, piercing the center of the ship and causing it to sink.
Captain Guy: Oh my…
Luigi: Quick, guys! Onto the Whale!
Luigi & Co. hop onto the Whale as it quickly swims away.
Shy Guy: Sir, what do we do?!
Captain Guy: We must go down with our ship…
Shy Guy: … You’re kidding, right?
Captain Guy: I didn’t bring any lifeboats.
Shy Guy: Oh.
REAL END OF CHAPTER
That was certainly, erm… unexpected, wasn’t it?
Luigi now has only a very small portion
of his journey remaining. With his many friends assisting him along the
way, this is going to be a cakewalk! … But who really cares about THAT?
Let’s see what Peach ‘N Twink are up to!
The Albatross spits out Twink, who conveniently crashes through one of Peach’s windows.
Peach: Oh, hey Twink! I’m bored, wanna sneak out of the room again?
Twink: Whatever gives you your jollies.
Peach and Twink do the usual stuff. They then wander through the main hallway and walk into a random room.
Koopatrol: … PEACH?!
Hammer Bro: And some little star thing?
Twink: Yikes… BUSTED.
Peach: Are you going to take me back to my room now?
Koopatrol: Sure… and we won’t tell Bowser any of this, if you play a little trivia game of ours!
Peach: Okay, shoot!
Hammer Bro: What is the theory of relativity?
Peach: Energy equals mass times the speed of light, squared.
Everyone stares at Peach awkwardly.
Koopatrol: Um… yes, that’s correct!
Hammer Bro: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck would?
Peach: Um… a lot?
Koopatrol: … Good enough.
Hammer Bro: All right, here’s our final question! What is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?
Twink: My god, Princess, the answer is so obvious! IT’S FOURTY-TWO!
Koopatrol: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE OUR WINNERS!
Hammer Bro: Your prize is this Sneaky Parasol!
He gives the Parasol to Peach.
Koopatrol: What it does is—
Bowser suddenly barges in.
Bowser: WHAT THE?
He marches over to Peach, not even noticing Twink.
Bowser: What are YOU doing here?! Surely you didn’t tell Peach that there’s a Star Spirit in Flower Fields?!
Hammer Bro: Actually, we didn’t.
Bowser: Oh… Shoot.
Bowser forces Peach into her room and slams her door shut.
Bowser: … I wonder where General
Guy is, anyway? He should be back by now with a report…
Meanwhile, in the Vast Ocean…
Captain Guy and the Shy Guy are sitting on a large plank blown off of the ship that’s now floating on the ocean.
Captain Guy: I can’t believe it… It’s going to take an eternity to get back to shore! We’ve been separated from almost EVERYONE!
Shy Guy: Well… at least we still have each other!
Captain Guy: Oh, shut up.