Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Wario: Last time on Wario's Apprentice, I put egiht people to the test of selling art. Large Fry took the lead even though Snifit 3 was the leader. Snifit 3 sold the paintings at a very low price of 500 coins when some of them were worth over a thousand. They ended up losing the challenge thanks to Bandit's quick thinking being ruined by Snifit 3's stupidity. In the end, Snifit 3, the director of The Big Bang Theory, was fired. This week, I'm kicking the competition up another notch…
The Apartment: 11:00 PM...
It's a dark and stormy night out; Lakitu and Petey are in the attic.
Lakitu: Now Petey, pull the switch!
Petey pulls a giant lever, making a giant hand rise.
Lakitu: Yes, YES! Mixing lightning, the skeleton of Bouldergeist, and the skin of Gloombas together can reanimate my monster of Hades! All I need is the rest of his body to create the true form! Laugh with me, Petey! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Petey: Yes, Master... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Their evil laughter is interrupted by a fax machine giving them fax.
Lakitu: When did we get a fax machine?
Petey: I bought one after yesterday's challenge, Master.
Lakitu: Let's see what it says.
Lakitu rips out the fax.
Lakitu: (reading fax) Power has been cut off from the telephone wires and other power wires. (not reading fax) Strange, why hasn't the-
Suddenly the lights go out and the reanimated Bouldergeist’s hand drops back on the table. Petey takes a flashlight out of his mouth. He turns it on and starts searching around the room.
Petey: Where are you, Master?
Lakitu: The same place I've been for the past five minutes.
Petey: Oh, there you are, Master. Is there anything else on the fax, Master?
Lakitu: Yes. (reading fax) Never do that again, Lakitu.
Laktiu sticks his tongue out at the paper.
Lakitu: (reading Fax) I've sent you guys a fax, meet me in my office at 8:00 AM tomorrow morning.
Petey: Should we inform the others?
Lakitu: Yes, let's.
Petey and Lakitu start wandering around the apartment.
Meanwhile with Yoshi and Birdo…
Birdo: Oh Yoshi, don't you think this darkness is... romantic?
Yoshi: Yoshi think that no power in fridge, Yoshi must save the food!
Yoshi starts randomly running around the apartment, looking for the kitchen. He then runs into Lakitu and Petey.
Lakitu: Watch where you're going, you fool!
Yoshi: Yoshi sorry.
Petey: By the way, the challenge is at 8 in the morning.
Birdo: Yoshi! Where are you, Happy Nose?
Yoshi: Yoshi over here with Petey and Lakitu.
Lakitu: Please tell your boyfriend to watch where he's going.
Petey: Yeah, and the challenge is at 8 in the morning.
Suddenly a hand pops out of the wall and starts choking Yoshi.
Birdo: Yoshi! NOOOOOOOO!
Lakitu: Give it a rest, Biff.
The hand drops Yoshi and Biff Atlas comes out of the wall.
Biff Atlas: You should've seen your face, Birdo!
Birdo: Shut up! You nearly killed Yoshi!
Petey: And the challenge is at-
Lakitu: Shut up about the challenge, I'll tell them.
Lakitu pulls a megaphone out of his cloud.
Lakitu: EVERYONE! The challenge is at 8 in the morning!
Petey: Good job, Mster.
Lakitu: Thank you, Petey. Now, let's all get some sleep.
7:00 AM…
Lakitu opens his eyes and sees that it is 8:00 AM on his alarm clock. However it's Daylight Savings Time and they forgot to set their clocks.
Lakitu: Oh man! Petey get up, we need wake the others! We're going to be late!
Lakitu takes out his megaphone.

A few seconds later everyone is charging to the front door, down the street, and into Wario's Office, where they see Wario all cut up thanks to the Roy Sports Hall season finale. He's wearing his standard clothing, only instead of a helmet, he's wearing a sweatband, weird glasses, and he's cut up one of his pant legs... Oh yeah. and he's singing into a microphone.
Wario: Oh radio, tell me everything you know
I like to sing with the radio
I like to play it real loud
I like to drive with the top down
Rollin' like thunder, always drawing a crowd
Every babe's gonna want a piece of me, yeah... WAH!
Lakitu: Sorry, we're *snicker* late.
Wario: You're not late! You're 58 minutes early!
Wario points to a clock that reads 7:02.
Wario: Can't I have one moment in peace to try out Crygor's new invention without you idiots barging in?!
Lakitu: Sorry, Wario.
Wario: Sorry ain't going to... Forget it. Might as well tell you your task. Your job is to make an advertisement for this new invention Crygor stole from Earth. It's called a karaoke machine; it will play the sounds of a song and you have to sing the lyrics. You will be doing this in two ways: by commercial and by magazine article. There is a recording studio a block away from here, and you should know where the creative society is, right?
Biff Atlas: Yes, Wario. (Dear DAD, he's trying to torture me.)
Wario: Good, because that's where you'll make your advertisement for the magazine. You will have ‘til 5:30 to finish this. Do this well. Lakitu is your team leader; what's the name?
Lakitu: The Undertakers!
Wario: ... That's worse than Yoshi's name.
Yoshi: Hey!
Wario: Did I ask you to speak? NO! Now shut up! Now go! All of you! And remember, you're being judged on both categories.
The Undertakers:
Lakitu is holding a business meeting with everyone else.
Lakitu: Okay, first, we need a nice catchy phrase for this... How about something like, "Karaoke, the recorder is back."
Petey: Oooh, that is a good one, Master.
Birdo: I guess it will work.
Biff Atlas: I don't care. Let's get to the important stuff. I call any job that does not require me to go see that stupid British turtle.
Lakitu: So, we need a commercial, any ideas?
Birdo: How about a romantic dinner on a cruise ship starring me and Yoshi.
Lakitu: No, that has nothing to do with the Karaoke machine. How about... a graveyard, with zombies attacking, and the only way to escape is by playing "Thriller" on a record player, but the record player breaks, then the zombies attack again, then he plays Karaoke, and then we end the commercial with "Karaoke, the recorder is back."
Petey: I second the nomination of that idea.
Lakitu: Any other ideas?
The Undertakers are silent.
Lakitu: Good, ok, me and Petey will direct the commercial; Biff Atlas, you go get the props; Birdo, Large Fry, and Bandit will go and get actors for the commercial; Yoshi and Geno will go to the Creative Society and make the magazine advertisement. Is that okay with everybody?
Everyone but Birdo: Yes!
Birdo: No! I'm getting sick of not getting paired up with Yoshi!
Lakitu: Do you want Bandit to accidentally steal the Creative Society again this time, without Biff Atlas to stop him?
Birdo: No.
Lakitu: Do you want Kolorado to fight Large Fry just because he's French?
Birdo: Of course not!
Lakitu: Do you want to forget about the task just so you can have fun with Yoshi?
Birdo: NO! (Well I kind of want that…)
Lakitu: Well, those are our only other options. So let's get going and do better than Snifit 3 last episode.
The Undertakers: Agreed.
With Biff Atlas...
Biff Atlas: All right, Lakitu says I need tombstones, an old record player, and a couple of zombie outfits.
Biff Atlas searches through piles of props.
Biff Atlas: Let's see, car equipped with explosive, no. Video with film to show the same "Tom and Jerry" clip of Tom getting himself cut in half over and over again, no. Blood packages, no... Here we are.
Biff Atlas pulls out an old record player.
Biff Atlas: I still need the music, but first the tombstones and costumes.
With Geno and Yoshi...
Kolorado: I say, if it isn't that old bugga that killed that nice fellow Waluigi.
Yoshi: Geno killed Waluigi?
Geno: No... Can we just get on with this?
Kolorado: Why of course, old bean, how terribly rude of me. You're Squash, correct?
Geno: No, we're the Undertakers.
Kolorado gives a "What the…?" look.
Geno: It's stupid, I know. We just need you to give us a magazine advertisement for a Karaoke machine; here's a picture and description of it.
Geno hands Kolorado a description of the Karaoke machine.
Kolorado: I say, you old blokes bring the weirdest trinkets from your flat.
Yoshi: What turtle say?
Geno: I don't know. Just go along with it.
Kolorado exams it and starts typing on his computer while Yoshi and Geno watch over his shoulders.
With Bandit, Birdo, and Large Fry…
Bandit: All right, so we're going to find actors?
Birdo: Yeah, hopefully we'll find someone good.
Large Fry: All I care about is the best singer.
Bandit: So, our first audition is with... Wendy Koopa, bring her in.
Wendy walks in.
Birdo: Okay, all you have to do is say this line.
Bandit's coffee mug breaks, as does a window and even the camera lens.
Please Stand By
One hour later…
The camera turns back on. The judges are now observing Ashley.
Ashley: ‘Cause it's a Thriller.
Large Fry: No, say it with more emotion. In fact, try to sing it!
Ashley: I don't like to sing.
Large Fry: Grrrrrr. Bring in the next one.
Wart walks in.
Wart: Hello. *ribbit*
Bandit: *groan* Just say your line.
Wart decides to sing it.
Wart: ‘Cause it's a *ribbit* Thriller!
Birdo: Okay, thank you.
Large Fry: Send in the next person.
Cackletta walks in.
Large Fry: Honey, are you sure you want to do this?
Cackletta: I *hack* can *ack* and I *cough* will.
Bandit: Okay, so say your line.
Cackletta: ‘Cause *cough* it's *hack* a *chokes up phlegm* Thriller *faints*
Large Fry immediately rushes to her.
Large Fry: Honey, are you okay?!
Cackletta very slowly gives a thumbs up.
Large Fry: She's good.
Bandit: Good, send in the next audition.
Birdo: That was the last one.
Large Fry: All right then, send in all of the auditions.
The auditions walk in.
Large Fry: Well, I think it's safe to say Ashley isn't going to be the one; you may go.
Ashley walks out, while Birdo and Bandit look at Large Fry like he's insane.
Birdo: No offense, Wendy, but we can't afford another lens cracking like that. So we're going to have to let you go.
Wendy throws her shoes at Birdo and runs out crying.
Bandit: I guess that leaves me with the deciding vote.
Cackletta is coughing while Wart is croaking.
Bandit: ... We need Wart more than we need Cackletta. Congratulations, Wart, you're cast.
Wart: Hooray!
With Biff Atlas...
Biff Atlas makes his way to Yaridovich's mansion and knocks on the door.
Yaridovich: Yeeeeeeeesssssssss?
Biff Atlas: You got any tombstones and zombie costumes I can borrow?
Yaridovich: Yes, but you still haven't paid me back for my King Boo painting.
Biff Atlas: Huh... Oh yeah... About that... Hold on.
Biff Atlas rushes to the nearest bank and steals a sack of money, then rushes back to Yaridovich's mansion.
Biff Atlas: Here it is.
Yaridovich: I see, this will do. Here are your tombstones and zombie costumes.
Yaridovich throws a bunch of costumes and tombstones on Biff Atlas, then shuts the door.
Biff Atlas: Good, all I need is music now.
With Bandit and Yoshi...
Kolorado: Okay, old bean, we add purple, the color of British passion, to this triangle and add green, the color of an American McDonalds salad that is supposed to be healthy but is actually greasier then their burgers, to this circle.
Kolorado is making a lovely advertisement, with Yoshi and Geno observing and giving suggestions. Suddenly Kolorado's watch starts ringing.
Kolorado: I say! It's time for tea!
Kolorado stops working, pulls a cup of tea out of his shell, and calmly starts to drink it.
Geno: What did you stop for?!
Kolorado: It's teatime, old chap, didn't you hear me?
Geno: Unbelieveable. Don't you agree, Yoshi... Yoshi?
Geno turns around to see Yoshi drinking tea as well.
With Biff Atlas...
Biff Atlas is seen beating up a shopkeeper for a record of Thriller. Coincidentally the shopkeep is a character that has been in this story before.
Biff Atlas: How many times do I have to tell you, Andy? Never mess with me!
Andy: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Biff Atlas gives him a wedgie and throws him out of the store.
Biff Atlas: Music, props, costumes, record player. This should be good.
With Geno...
Geno is typing on the computer, doing the work for Kolorado. He's adding a bit of flashy stuff to give it more appeal to go with Kolorado's colors.
Geno: You want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
Geno types in "Get Karaoke now." on the advertisement.
Kolorado: I say, old bean! What are you doing to my Wifi box?!
Geno: Yipes!
Kolorado: Move aside, old chap, and let me back at my work.
Kolorado starts to rapidly type on his computer.
Kolorado: You don't know anything, old bean; I can't let anyone hurt Blados!
Geno and Yoshi: Blados?
Koloroado's Computer: Cake, followed by grief counseling, will be available at the end of this episode.
Kolorado: I say. new chap! I bloody love cake!
Geno: Uh...
Yoshi: ...
Geno: Well...
Yoshi: ... What now?
Geno: ... Why don't we just relax? The advertisement looks good already.
Yoshi: Yoshi think that's a good idea.
On the set...
Lakitu looks at Wart.
Lakitu: This is the best you guys could find?
Bandit: It was between him and Cackletta, deal with it.
Lakitu: All right, where's Biff Atlas with my props?
Biff Atlas charges in with the props, zombie costumes, and the old record player.
Lakitu: Good, now Wart. You're a man weeping at this generic grave, then suddenly zombies pop out of the graves and go straight for your brain. Then you find this record player and it starts playing Thriller, making the zombies dance. But then the record player breaks! And the zombies are on the move again! Then the karaoke machine starts playing and you start singing. Think you can do that?
Wart: Let's *ribbit* do this!
Lakitu: All right; places, everyone! Action!
Wart starts crying in front of a tombstone on a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, Koopas wearing zombie outfits, yet look surprisingly realistic, come out of their graves. Wart flinches at the zombies and starts to blow poison bubbles on them. It does nothing.
Zombie Koopas: UGHHHHH!
Wart: Oh *ribbit* no.
Wart runs to a record player that starts playing "Thriller". The zombies hear this and start dancing to it.
Wart: Oh *ribbit* yeah!
Wart starts dancing on his own and knocks over the record player. The record rolls into an open grave. Wart starts to run but the zombies, even while lurching, are faster than his fat body. All is lost until Wart finds a karaoke machine. It turns on and starts playing Thriller as well. The zombies dance again as Wart picks up a microphone.
Wart: ‘Cause it's a *ribbit* Thriller!
Lakitu: Cut! What was that?!
Wart: Sorry, but I *ribbit* croak.
Lakitu: Well stop it!
Wart: I *ribbit* can't.
Lakitu: Then just print that.
A roll of film is given to Lakitu.
Petey: Wait, Master! I have an idea!
Lakitu: I'm listening…
Petey: What if Wart had a curse put upon him?
Lakitu: That's stupid!
Wart: Actually... it's true.
Lakitu: ... Don't tell me. We're going to rip off a classic fairytale.
Petey: Yes, Master.
Wart: But what if she turns into a frog? Like in that Disney movie?
Petey: Then we’ll bring a royal princess to kiss you instead of making a 2-hour film.
Lakitu: All right, who's the closest princess?
Petey: Hmmmmm, Peach-
Lakitu: Hates frogs.
Petey: Daisy-
Lakitu: Probably still scared of me.
Petey: Wendy.
Lakitu: Hmm... Perhaps. Bring her in.
A few minutes later, Wendy walks into the studio.
Wendy: All right, what do you idiots want?
Lakitu: We want you to kiss your Uncle Wart here.
Wart waves to Wendy.
Wendy: EW!
Lakitu: You see, he's really a handsome prince.
Wendy: You mean like that fairy tale?
Lakitu: Exactly; you're a princess, go kiss him.
Lakitu pushes Wendy into Wart. They kiss and Wendy turns into a frog.
Wendy: EW! I'm all slimy!
Petey: WHAT?! Why didn't it work?
Wart: I thought this would happen.
Lakitu: What?
Wart: I'm a king! I have to kiss a queen!
Lakitu: Petey, my gesture of annoyance, please?
Petey facepalms.
Lakitu: Thank you.
The warp pipe appears. Lakitu, Biff Atlas, Bandit, Birdo, and Large Fry get in.
Wario's Office
The 5 contests jump out of the pipe to see that Geno and Yoshi are already in their seats; the newcomers get in their seats as well. Dr. Crygor walks to his seat. Wario soon walks into his seat while talking on his cell phone again.
Wario: Okay, love you, Daisy... Bye bye.
Wario hangs up.
Wario: A couple of hours ago, I sent you seven to do commercials for a karaoke machine. I hope you all managed to do something to entertain me. Lakitu, who did you make your magazine advertisement staff?
Lakitu: Geno and Yoshi.
Wario: All right, Geno, show me what you got.
Geno takes out a very colorful and good-looking magazine advertisement, featuring an ocean background, specific details, and the evolution of recording.
Wario: Hmmm... It passes.
The Undertakers starts dancing.
Wario: Hold it! Back in your seats!
The Undertakers get back in their seats.
Wario: I still need to see the video.
Lakitu: Of course, here it is.
Lakitu hands Wario the roll of film.
Wario: Crygor, show me this commercial.
Dr. Crygor puts the movie reel in a projector; a commercial starts playing.
Like on the set, Wart is crying before a grave.
Wart: *sniff, sniff*
Wario: Okay, it intrigues me so far.
The zombie Koopas pop out of their graves.
Wario: Rather realistic. Impressive.
The zombies attack, and Wart tries to counterattack.
Wario: Lure the consumers with bad plans, all right.
Wart plays Thriller on the record player and the zombies start dancing.
Wario: Cliché, but I guess I can allow it.
The record player breaks.
Wario: A nice surprise, ok.
Wart runs and starts to play karaoke.
Wario: Okay, this isn't too bad... in fact it-
Wart: ‘Cause it's a *ribbit* Thriller!
The film stops short.
Wario: ... You almost won, if it had not been for that! You guys failed me once again! How does it feel?!
Lakitu: Revolting, seeing how close we were.
Wario: What went wrong, Lakitu?
Lakitu: Well, I think it was my bad directing. Plus the fact we had Wart as our main actor.
Birdo: Though Wendy was on set at one point.
Wario: Why didn't you cast her instead of Wart?
Lakitu: You see, I thought that she would just ruin everything and break the camera again. Besides, it was Petey's idea.
Petey: I apologize for that terrible idea, Master.
Lakitu: You should be.
Wario: Large Fry, you got rid of Ashley, why?
Large Fry: She refused to sing!
Wario: But her competitors did worse than her and she's the best singer in Diamond City.
Large Fry: I don't think she ever sung in her life.
Wario: If you ever heard her sing her theme song in WarioWare or Super Smash Bros. Brawl, you would've noticed that she is a great singer!
Large Fry: Well I haven't played either of the games.
Wario: What an idiot. Bandit, you were also a judge. Don’t you think it was a mistake to pick Wart?
Bandit: Yes. However, I had to choose between Wart and Cackletta, so both were bad. But I took the lesser of two evils.
Wario: Hmmm. Geno, good job on the poster, as well as you, Yoshi.
Geno: Thank you, Wario.
Wario: And Biff Atlas... what did you do?
Biff Atlas: I got all the props. So the commercial would be even worse if it had not been for me.
Wario: All right. Bandit, who would you fire?
Bandit: Probably Large Fry, for screwing up the auditions.
Wario: Biff Atlas?
Biff Atlas: No girl has ever won a game in Lemmy's Land.
Wario: *cough Pink Yoshi in some Amazing Race story cough*
Biff Atlas: Let me say that again. Birdo has never won a game despite how many times she's been put in them. I would fire her.
Wario: Birdo?
Birdo: I would fire Biff Atlas for being Birdoist, but on a normal scale I would fire Large Fry.
Wario: Geno?
Geno: Lakitu has been making a good bit of screwups lately. I think he should go right about now.
Lakitu: Hey! I've been helping plenty!
Wario: Shut up! Large Fry, who should be fired?!
Large Fry: Lakitu, for his poor team naming and directing skills.
Wario: Yoshi?
Yoshi: Yoshi would fire Lakitu.
Wario: All right Lakitu, send two people to privately talk with me.
Lakitu: Birdo and Large Fry.
Wario: All right, the rest of you are safe.
Bandit, Biff Atlas, Geno, and Yoshi hop into a warp pipe.
Wario: I want to have a little talk with you three.
Lakitu: Can I bring Petey with me?
Wario: No!
Lakitu: All right Petey, go to the apartment.
Petey: But what if you’re in trouble, Master? What if I can't protect you?
Lakitu: Petey, I can handle myself. Go be safe with the others.
Petey: No, I will not leave you.
Petey clutches Lakitu's cloud; Lakitu wedges a Spiny into Petey's head.
Petey: OUCH!
Petey lets go and Lakitu pushes him into the warp pipe.
Lakitu: All right, let's go.
Wario leads the 3 weirdos to the top floor.
Wario: Now that we're alone, Lakitu, why shouldn't I fire you?
Lakitu: Because, I didn't choose the main star. They did.
Wario: Yet, you could've called them at any time to talk about Ashley.
Lakitu: True.
Wario: Large Fry, why shouldn't I fire you?
Large Fry: Because, I had no idea who Ashley was, and that Lakitu was a bad director, plus he listened to his minion Petey, who HE controls.
Lakitu: It was a suggestion, I didn't see any better ones coming from you guys.
Large Fry: Because we're supposed to follow the director.
Lakitu: You can have SOME independence.
Wario: Quiet! Both of you! Birdo, why shouldn't I fire you?
Birdo: I didn't cause any problems. I felt like I made a good choice in getting rid of Wendy. I cared about the show, I don't think Wendy was good enough.
Wario: However, knowing Bandit, he would've chosen Wendy over Wart if you had gotten rid of Cackletta instead of Wendy.
Birdo: Well, that's more of an opinion, really.
Wario: True, I think you're pretty much safe, Birdo. These two idiots did much worse than you did.
Birdo: Thank you, Wario.
Wario: Now I'm going to let both of you speak one last time before I give my verdict.
Large Fry: If Lakitu was smart then he would've just kicked Wart off the set and keep Wendy.
Lakitu: And what? Ruin our cameras? Besides, you gave up on one of the best singers. We could've avoided all of this if you had just let her in.
Birdo: I would've kept Ashley as well.
Large Fry: But Lakitu was listening to someone HE controls. You don't let your servant control your life. What is he? British?
Birdo: Hey! You spoke up before I had a chance to speak, you know.
Large Fry: However, if Lakitu had better directing skills and edited it a bit more, we wouldn't have gone through this.
Wario: ENOUGH! I've come to a decision!
Wario paces around the two.
Wario: Lakitu, you're a bad director, and you’ve lost two out of the three times you were team leader. Plus you didn't do any work until everything came on set.
Wario looks at Large Fry.
Wario: Large Fry, you lost when you were leader, and I even fired you episode 1. I fired you for your stupidity. And you're showing me why how I should fire you again.
Wario glares into both their eyes.
Wario: Lakitu...
Lakitu: Y-Yes?
Wario: You're…
Lakitu: (Well it looks like the end, Petey…)
Wario: NOT FIRED! Large Fry, you are!
Large Fry: WHAT?!
Lakitu: *phew* I nearly had a heart attack!
Wario: Birdo, Lakitu, you're dismissed.
Birdo and Lakitu leave.
Large Fry starts up the stairs, stops, then comes charging down the stairs in an attempt to run Wario over. Wario jumps and butt-stomps Large Fry, then starts throwing a couple of Earthquake Punches.
Large Fry: All right, I give.
Wario gets off. Large Fry heads up the stairs, then stops and turns around again.
Large Fry: By the way, Daisy is married to Luigi, you know; she is just abusing you for your cash. Ask any one of your soon-to-be apprentices. They all know.
Large Fry gets on the blimp.
Large Fry: Someone had to say it.
Meanwhile with Wario, he is shocked, then in sad, then angry. He Earthquake Punches a wall (which is near impossible if you put it in Wario Land physics). He then takes out the book Large Fry gave him. The camera tries to see what it is, but Wario closes it and takes out his cell phone.
Wario: Hello, Mona, this is Wario... Listen... I want to meet you at Mona Pizza, for some... employment negotiations.
Wario notices the cameraman
Wario: WHY ARE YOU STILL FILMING ME?! Go show the narrator!
Cameraman: The narrator already said his lines.
A few minutes earlier...
Narrator: One job, now six people working for it; Wario's search for an apprentice... continues... YES! I didn't get hurt! Hooray!

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