Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Wario: Last week on Wario's Apprentice. I put the final five up to the test of selling food to Bully's family. They worked hard and did a lot of work. However as they were working, a mysterious figure kept popping up and tried to ruin everything. They lost the challenge, but at the meeting, they found out that Birdo, the team leader, was the one trying to ruin it for them. Birdo didn't like it when I fired Yoshi, and she quit. This time with four people left, only time will tell who'll be forced to have a job here at WarioWare.

The Apartment, Noon

Bandit is sunbathing on the roof.

Bandit: Ah, this is the life.

Suddenly in the middle of his relaxation a shadow comes over him.

Bandit: What the?

Bandit lifts up his sunglasses and sees that Petey Piranha is flying in his light.

Bandit: Hey Petey! Move it, will ya?!

Petey: I'm sorry, but you have to stop tanning and get ready. Wario wants us at a secret location, and the cab is going to be here in 5 minutes.

Bandit: Grrrr, fine.

Bandit gets out of his loungechair and goes down the stairs, where the others are waiting. A few minutes later, they all get in the cab.

Geno: I wonder where we're headed.

Lakitu: Beats me.

The cab turns the corner and is heading straight towards a stadium.

Biff Atlas: (Please let it be Diamond City Football Stadium, Please let it be Diamond City Football Stadium.)

The cab turns into the stadium.

Biff Atlas: Thank DAD.

Bandit: Why would Wario want us here? Football has nothing to do with making money.

The final 4 and Petey get out. Wario is inside the stadium with Mona.

Wario: Well, welcome to my second greatest accomplishment: the Diamond City Football Stadium.

Wario shows it to them.

Wario: You all remember the day Macho Grubba was being an annoying idiot and doing crazy things. He made people pay for refills; bribed the football players to lose, which was the reason the Diamond City Roughs got the Super Bowl; and even declined to pick a mascot for the team. What's a sports team without a mascot?

Lakitu: A soccer team?

Wario: That's besides the point! On that day, I whacked Macho Grubba with a steel chair and now have taken over the business. No lawsuit or anything. Anyway, the training for PFL (Plit Football League) is starting today, Diamond City Roughs vs. Thiefsburg Stealers. This is a businessman's dream. Thousands from all over are going to want to watch this game. Now your job is to make them subscribe to the WarioWare phone service. All they have to do is text "W" to 65656 and pay 1 coin. Your job is to get 10,000 coins! Or 10,000 subscribers. You guys have to advertise this phone company in any way possible, Bandit, you're going to be the final team leader. If you win and survive, you'll be in the finals. What's the team name?

Bandit: We're... um... What should we be called?

Wario: Good enough! Now get me subscribers!

Wario hops onto his bike and rides off.

What Should We Be Called:

What Should We Be Called have their own private office overlooking the stadium.

Bandit: All right, first we should think up ideas. I say we should make it a contest. Like give the winner a million coins.

Biff Atlas: We don't have that kind of money!

Bandit: Who says we're going to give the winner money? It will be a scam.

Lakitu: I like the sound of that.

Geno: Me too.

Bandit: All right, now we need to figure out where to put the advertisement.

Biff Atlas: How about on the field?

Bandit: No, it will get dirty thanks to the players. How about on the sidelines? We can replace "WarioWare" with our contest.

Lakitu: Okay. I like that.

Petey; Me too.

Lakitu: Wait, how about this? While singing the Diamond City anthem, we'll set off fireworks and they'll spell out "Text W to 65656".

Bandit: Hmmm, no, they won't be able to see it in broad daylight. Geno, you have any suggestions?

Geno: No, not really.

Bandit: All right... Hey, I just had an idea. What if we put fliers all over the stadium?!

Biff Atlas: Brilliant! ... Except we would need to go to the Creative Society-

Lakitu: Actually we have a computer and copier here. I think we could actually do this.

Geno: Ok, I'm convinced.

Biff Atlas: And what if we talked to fans?

Lakitu: Possibly, possibly.

Bandit: Okay. I like this. Let's just give our ideas to Mona and-

Lakitu: The cheerleaders! That's it! We'll have the cheerleaders pass out the fliers to any men in the stadium. No one can ignore a cheerleader.

Bandit: All right, all right. Let's get these ideas printed.

Bandit writes down all the ideas on paper, What Should We Be Called goes to Mona, who's waiting in another office.

Bandit: Here's our ideas.

Bandit hands the papers to Mona.

Mona: Hmm... okay... okay… okay... All of this seems good except you can't use the Monettes.

Bandit: What?! Why?!

Mona: First of all, their job is to actually be cheerleaders. Second of all, only I can command them. And third, that's not right!

Bandit: That was the point!

Mona: No, you cannot use the Monettes, the rest is fair play.

Bandit: Fine, *grumble, grumble*

What Should We Be Called head back to their office to start working on their advertising.

Bandit: All right, Biff Atlas and Lakitu will working on the sidelines, while me and Geno will work on the fliers.

What Should We Be Called: All right.

Everyone goes to their places.

Bandit: Alk right Geno, where should we start?

Geno: How about… I got nothing.

Bandit: Well first we should have a nice dark background.

Geno: Okay, that sounds right.

Bandit: Then we type in our number and text W to it.

Geno: All right.

Bandit: Add a bit of flash, and BOOM! We got a flier.

Bandit presses Print, and a lovely copy of a flier comes out.

Geno: All right, now we relax?

Bandit: Hope, now we put it in the copier and make a lot of these babies.

Bandit places the flier in the copier and soon over 1,000 copies fly out.

Bandit: Well don't just stand there. Pick them up!

Bandit and Geno start rapidly picking up the papers.

Meanwhile with Biff Atlas and Lakitu...

Biff Atlas: Ok, I slid out the WarioWare advertisements. Now Lakitu, do your thing!

Lakitu throws painted Spinies at the sidelines and they all turn blue and yellow saying "Text W to 65656 to win a million coins".

Biff Atlas: Good, now that our work is done, let's regroup with Bandit and Geno.

Lakitu: Got it! Come on, Petey!

Petey: Yes, Master.

Mona: Ahem.

Lakitu and Biff Atlas turn around and see Mona glaring at them.

Biff Atlas: We do something wrong?

Mona: Yes, if you're going to have a contest you have to be truthful. Unless you can get yourself one million coins, I cannot allow you to advertise it.

Biff Atlas: Darn!

Lakitu: I have an idea. Petey, can I have you rinse this Spiny?

Petey: Yes, Master.

Petey spews water on the Spiny, making it look like a normal Spiny. Lakitu then repaints it.

Biff Atlas: What help is that going to do?

Lakitu throws the Spiny at the current advertisement. Now instead of the contest winner getting a million coins, they get to hang out with Wario for the day.

Biff Atlas: Impressive. Mona, is that allowed?

Mona checks Wario's planner.

Mona: Hmmm, he does have a free day after the show. I guess that's allowed.

Lakitu: Great! Let's go, Petey!

Petey: Yes sir- I mean Master!

Lakitu and Petey start to head out into the hall, then they bump into Bandit and Geno.

Bandit: Good thing you came, we need to place these fliers and posters all over the stadium.

Lakitu: Uh, can I see that?

Lakitu takes a flier.

Lakitu: Uh, Bandit, change of plans. Unless we can come up with a million coins, we can't advertise this. Me and Biff Atlas have changed our prize to a day with Wario. Let's keep ourselves consistent and use the same thing.

Geno: All right.

Bandit: Aw man. Oh well.

Bandit lights the stack of fliers on fire, while Bandit and Biff Atlas take off the ones on the walls. Geno is making sure he stays away from the fire so he doesn't get burned.

Biff Atlas: Now what? We can't just leave a fire going.

Lakitu: Petey! Spit!

Petey: Yes, Master.

Petey spits water onto the fire while Lakitu  throws the scraps of paper into a trashcan.

Bandit: All right, let's get fixing.

What Should We Be Called make their way back to their office, Bandit gets back on the computer.

Bandit: A small change to the text... and there we go.

Bandit presses print, and the new flier comes out.

Bandit: And now for the copying.

Bandit copies the paper over 1,000 times, then devides the paper amongst his teammates.

Bandit: All right, get these placed all around the stadium.

Lakitu, Biff Atlas, and Bandit start placing the fliers all around the stadium, on the walls, in the stalls of the men's room, and on every chair in the stadium itself. Geno stays behind and keeps making fliers to hand out.

Bandit: Hmmm, something seems a tad missing.

Biff Atlas: Like what?

Bandit: Like we left an area unfliered.

Lakitu: Like where? The locker rooms?

Biff Atlas: No, I already handled that.

Mona: Excuse me.

Mona walks into the girls’ bathroom.

Bandit: That's it!

Geno: What?

Bandit: The girls’ bathroom!

Lakitu: What about it?

Bandit: Haven't any of you been paying attention? We don't even have one flier in the girls’ bathroom!

Biff Atlas: Let's go then.

Bandit Uh, if you hadn't noticed, Biff Atlas, none of us are girls.

Lakitu: Then let's get Mona to do it.

Bandit: No, that will make her work and she doesn't want to do that. Hmmmm.

Geno: Hmmmm.

Lakitu: Hmmmm.

Biff Atlas: ... We could have one of us dress up in drag.

Bandit: Of course! All we need is someone who's used to wearing cute and stupid things.

What Should We Be Called start to eye Geno.

Geno: What? ... Me? … No! I am sick of wearing these stupid things!

Bandit: But Geno, we've yet to wear such stupid outfits.

Biff Atlas: I wore an orange undershirt when I was a lifeguard, and that's all the change I went through.

Geno: Decide amongst yourselves who should do it. I'm out of the drag business.

Bandit: All right, we do Rock Paper Scissors to see who'll wear a cheerleader’s outfit I just recently stole from the Monettes’ locker room.

Lakitu: Petey, join in too.

Petey: Yes, Master.

Bandit, Biff Atlas, Lakitu, and Petey: Rock Paper Scissors shoot!

Bandit, Biff Atlas, and Lakitu choose scissors. Petey can't make fingers with his leaves, so he's forced to choose paper.

Bandit: All right, this is going to be a tight squeeze.

One fitting later...

Petey is seen wearing a tight cheerleader’s outfit.

Lakitu: Uh…

Bandit: Well I can't help it if those cheerleaders are so thin.

Petey: I think I'm going to explode, Master.

Lakitu: Just place these fliers in the bathroom, then you can it right off.

Petey: Yes, Master.

Petey walks into the girls’ bathroom, swallows the fliers, and spits them out all over the girls’ locker room. He walks out.

Petey: All done, Master.

Lakitu: Good, you can-


Lakitu: -take... them... off... now.

Bandit: All right, let's see. We've gotten the stadium all finished. Let's do more work and impress Wario by advertising outside.

Biff Atlas: I have a better idea.

Geno: What?

Biff Atlas: Hand me all the fliers.

Lakitu: All right.

Lakitu hands Biff Atlas the rest of their fliers.

Biff Atlas: All right, now time for something we should've done before.

Biff Atlas floats through the ceiling; a few minutes later he comes back without the fliers.

Bandit: Well? Where are our fliers?

Biff Atlas: Look outside.

What Should We Be Called look out a window to see the exterior of the stores surrounding the stadium are covered in fliers, busses running by are papered with fliers, even flags have been replaced with fliers.

Geno: Amazing.

Lakitu: How did you do that?

Biff Atlas: Let's just say... I have many hands around the city.

A whole bunch of Boos pop out in front of What Should We Be Called.

Everyone but Biff Atlas: Yaagh!

Biff Atlas: Heh heh heh.

Bandit: That's not funny, Biff!

Biff Atlas: To you it's not!

Geno: But how did you get Boos to help you? Doesn't King Boo own them?

Biff Atlas: Boos can't be owned, you idiot. They work for who they please. Some Boos like my muscles and decide to help me whenever I need help.

Lakitu: And the reason you haven't called them to help us out before is…?

Biff Atlas: Because I haven't found a use for them. I can do most of this work myself.

Bandit: Impressive. Well, tomorrow's the big day. So let's all get some rest.

What Should We Be Called get in a cab and the driver takes them back home.

The next day...

Bandit: *yawn* Well, another day, another robbery.

Biff Atlas: Agreed. Only we're only stealing one coin from everybody.

Geno: Well, let's not get our hopes up, most people won't want to join the cell phone company because they already have companies of their own.

Lakitu: With our advertising, we should have this challenge in the bag.

Bandit: Well, my cousin Louie's agreed to drive us, and I certainly hope that no one will be paying him.

What Should We Be Called get in the cab and ride off to the stadium.

Biff Atlas: All right, what's the plan?

Bandit: Nothing, it's practically all luck as we hope people give in.

Geno: Good, I'm getting tired of all this work.

Lakitu: Do we have seats?

Bandit: No, but Biff Atlas could do some... convincing.

Biff Atlas: I'm on the case.

Biff Atlas takes the body of a ticket manager, who gives What Should We Be Called three free tickets. He also makes the guy subscribe to the cell phone service.

Geno: Thanks, Biff Atlas.

Lakitu: But, what about you?

Biff Atlas: Go on without me, I'm going to do a little... shopping.

Bandit: All right.

What Should We Be Called make it to their seats, which they soon notice is right next to their maybe future boss.

Wario:  What are you three  idiots doing here?!
Bandit: We... won three free tickets to his part of the stadium, it's just a coincidence.

Lakitu: We didn't spend any money.

Wario: Good, now help me cheer for the Roughs.

Everyone gets ready. Soon the teams come out.

Kamek: Hello! And welcome to another fabulous season of PFL! We're currently at the training, with the 2010 PFL drafts showing their coaches what they can do on the field! I'm looking for some carnage between these two rivals! Let's just hope that these rookies will not take it so seriously, or people like Diamond City's Quarterback, Anonymous, will be destroyed before they can do anything.

Bandit: Let's go Diamond City! (Come on Thiefsburg, show them what you're made of!)

Meanwhile the cameraman gets dragged away.

Biff Atlas: You're supposed to keep the camera on the challenge, not the football game. Now watch as I win us this game.

Biff Atlas uses the camera to show the stadium is filled with people and players.

Biff Atlas: You see, these people are so distracted by the football game, that I can simply do this!

Biff Atlas summons his Boos.

Boo 1: What shall we do for you, Biff Atlas?

Biff Atlas: Go into the bodies of everyone in these seats, and make them subscribe to the company.

Boo 2: We shall do that, Master.

Biff Atlas: I will also partake in this, to increase the speed.

The Boos and Biff Atlas split up and enter the bodies of the people inside the stadium, making them whip out their cell phones and subscribe to the company. This show’s cameramen are having a hard time catching this on tape so most of it is just them spinning around and the non-possessed fans laughing at how funny they're acting. One cameraman just gives up and watches the game. A few hours later, everyone in the stadium has subscribed, including the cheerleaders, the players themselves, and even Wario himself.

Biff Atlas; *Phew* That *pant* takes a lot *pant, pant* out of me.

Boos: Us *pant, pant* too, Biff *pant* Atlas.

Biff Atlas: You *pant* may go.

The Boos disappear. Soon Wario, Mona, and What Should we be called join Biff Atlas, not knowing what was going on.

Wario: *grumble, grumble*

Biff Atlas: What happened?

Lakitu: Thiefsburg won.

Bandit: It's so terrible. (HOORAY!)

Biff Atlas: Well, I am sorry to hear that.

Wario: Well, you guys are going to hear worse things.

The warp pipe appears, Wario, Mona, and What Should We Be Called enter it.

Wario's Office

Wario: Well, I hope you're all happy to hear that due to this loss, I am truly happy to fire someone! Mona! How much did they make?!

Mona checks WarioWare's computer.

Mona: They made… Oh my DAD!

Wario: What?

Mona: According to the computer... they made... 153,432 subscriptions during that one football game!

Wario checks the computer; his jaw drops.

Wario: Well.... you guys don't have a winner for this contest you made, so I'm afraid I have to-

Biff Atlas: Actually, I took the courtesy of randomly drawing a number out of those subscriptions... Do you know who has the cell phone number of... 342-532-5436?

Wario whips out his cell phone and dials the number. Mona's cell phone starts ringing.

Mona: Hello?

Wario: ...

Mona: ...

Bandit swipes Wario's phone.

Bandit: Congratulations! You just won yourself a full day of hanging out with Wario!

Wario: Sneaky, very sneaky, boys. Well, you won. And I have to give you guys a prize, so head back to your apartment, I'll send over the kitchen staff of Torte Pizza to fix your dinner.

What Should We Be Called: WOOHOO!

Wario: Be here tomorrow morning, when I will still fire someone from your team.

Bandit: We will, Wario.

What Should We Be Called head back to the apartment.

Bandit: That was absolutely amazing, guys. We should all feel proud of our accomplishments.

Biff Atlas: Great job, guys, your advertising really worked. But I think we all know who we should thank.

What Should We Be Called: Me!

Bandit: Hey! I was the leader here! I came up with the plans!

Geno: Hey! I was the yes man around here!

Lakitu: Hey! Me and Petey were the ones who painted those advertisements!

Biff Atlas: Hey, do you think it's easy to float around Diamond City placing fliers all around, and the day after you have to float through the minds of individual people to get them to subscribe?

Bandit, Geno, Lakitu and Petey: ... Dang

Biff Atlas: Well, I think it's clear who Bandit should not be sending up for a private talk with Wario. Have fun, guys.

Biff Atlas turns on the TV to watch the highlights of the football game.

One hour later...

Chef Torte: Hellooooooo! Torte Pizza is here to give you pizza and cake!

What Should We Be Called: Awesome!

Chef Torte and his apprentice roll in a cart carrying 5 pizza boxes and a giant cake. What Should We Be Called eat it all up.

Bandit: Oh man, that was good.

Geno: Agreed.

Lakitu: This is the life.

Biff Atlas: No fair! I can't have anything but sports drinks because I'm a ghost!

Bandit: Too bad, we're going to bed.

Biff Atlas: *grumble, grumble*

The next day…

Bandit: *yawn* Well guys, looks like today's the day.

Geno: Finally.

Lakitu: Well Petey, let's go.

Petey: Yes, Master.

A warp pipe appears in the apartment. What Should We Be Called get in.

Wario's Office again

Wario: Well, you guys actually won. How does it feel?

What Should We Be Called: Good.

Wario: Bandit, what do you think your chances are of getting fired?

Bandit: Well I think it will be a tough choice for you to get rid of someone, but I think it wouldn't be wise to get rid of me.

Wario: Ok, Biff Atlas, I heard you did an exceptional amount of work, what did you do?

Biff Atlas: I did most of the flier advertising and I took over the bodies of everyone in the stadium to subscribe, with the help of my Boos, of course.

Wario: Impressive. Geno, what do you think of everyone's turnout?

Geno: We all did well, some made mistakes, hard to tell who's leaving this episode.

Wario: And Lakitu, how was work?

Lakitu: It went well. I'm glad we're working together and that Petey is pretty good as a servant.

Wario: Biff Atlas, who would you fire?

Biff Atlas: Ooh, tough to say. I guess.... Geno.

Wario: Geno?

Geno: Lakitu, for having the worst ideas of the group.

Wario: Lakitu?

Lakitu: Hmmm, uh... Bandit since he wasted time on those papers.

Wario: Okay, Bandit, which two people are you going to take to have a private talk with me?

Bandit: Well, out of the three people I can choose... Biff Atlas did the most amount of work. So I'm going to take Geno and Lakitu.

Wario: Biff Atlas, you're dismissed, Petey I'll send an Email if Lakitu is fired.

Biff Atlas and Petey hop into the warp pipe.

Wario: I want to have a little talk with you three.

Wario leads the 3 quarterfinalists to the top floor.

Wario: Now that we're alone. Bandit, why shouldn't I fire you?

Bandit: Well, I was team leader, I came up with the flier idea, and the only reason I'm up here is because I'm forced to be. I admit I made a mistake, but look, we got over ten times the desired goal.

Geno: Oh shut up, you're practically copying my reason I shouldn't be fired.

Bandit: I never was with you up here!

Wario: He's right.

Geno: Well I said the same thing.

Wario: All right, Mr. "He's copying me"! Why shouldn't I fire you?

Geno: Since episode one, I have been an asset to my team. Blood-selling contest, I sold to the most people, Wind Crystal episode, I had a cool doll idea.

Lakitu: I recall that idea being rejected.

Geno: Shut up! Make your own business episode-

Wario: You went off with Lemmy.

Geno: True, everyone makes mistakes. But remember episode four? My idea won, and I saved my team. I also got the Koopalings to buy your products on the Piranha Plant-selling episode

Wario: You split leadership responsibilities with Fawful.

Geno: That put him in the perfect position to be fired, though.

Wario: True.

Geno: I also made the Geno doll, which one, and my team was one of the only one to win after the merge. I worked hard as a bellboy. I got people to buy paintings, I made the great advertisement, I was the one who did a great amount of work, I was the one who did co-leadership, I-

Bandit: Was the one who was lazy this episode and did little to nothing.

Geno: That's right! ... Whoops!

Wario: What?!

Bandit: It's true, the only things I ever saw him do were agree and pick up a few papers.

Geno: Hey, it's ten times better than what you guys did!

Bandit: I did the advertisement work along with the fliers ideas, while Lakitu made the advertisement paintings!

Geno: Yes but I didn't make a mistake!

Wario: But you didn't make an improvement either!

Geno: Yes I did.

Wario: We'll discuss this later. Lakitu, why shouldn't I fire you?

Lakitu: Because unlike Geno, I actually did work.

Geno: Oh please! All you did was put out a fire.

Wario: Geno, shut up! I think I've made a decision.

Wario starts to pace around the 3.

Wario: Bandit, you did waste time, but you had good ideas and constantly worked.

Wario looks at Lakitu.

Wario: Lakitu, you let Petey do a good chunk of your work, but I could see you doing these things.

Lakitu: Well you see, Petey is just a servant, I'm a leader that way.

Wario: Well improve in leading more than one person.

Lakitu: If you let me live this episode, I will.

Wario looks at Geno.

Wario: Geno, you admit you were lazy. And if there's one thing I hate in the world, it's lazy people.

Geno: Then why don't you hate yourself?


Wario picks up Geno amd punts him out the window.

Wario: I don't know how you two do it, but every time you two are up here the other guy is fired. Bandit, congratulations, you get a spot in the finals.

Bandit: Thank you, Wario. And just to point out, I think we both could've countered Geno’s past accomplishments.

Wario: I'm sure you could've. Now both of you, get some rest.

 Bandit and Lakitu leave.

Narrator: One job, now 3 people working for it, Wario's search for an apprentice... continues.

Meanwhile, Geno lands in a dump. Some garbage men find him and pick him up.

Garbage Man 1: Hey, I remember having one of these when I was a kid!

Garbage Man 2: Hey, so did I.

Geno: Unhand me, you idiot!

Garbage Man 1: Hey, it talks like it did in the old days.

Garbage Man 2: Let's keep him to remember our childhood. Tie him to the truck!

Geno gets tied to a garbage truck with some forgotten SMRPG characters that are also tied up.

Mallow: Hey pal! You might want to keep your mouth shut!

Geno holds his breath and flies cover his face as the garbage truck drives off in the distance.

Read on!

Comments, suggestions, stories, or story ideas? Email me!
Go back to Lemmy's Fun Fiction.
Go back to my main page.