Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Wario: Last time on Wario's Apprentice, I put the final four to the task of making people subscribe to my cell phone company. In a big twist, they got 10 times the needed number of subscribers. Bandit was given a free pass to the finals, and since Geno was lazy, he was fired. Then there were three: one finalist, and two fighting for the final spot. Who will get it? Who has actually learned? Who will be my apprentice? And who is the mole? ... Who is the mole? What is that supposed to mean?!
Cue Card Guy: Oops Sorry.
The Cue Card Guy gets out the right card.
Wario: And who will get fired before the finals?
The Apartment, 8:00 AM
Biff Atlas is working out, Lakitu, and Petey are working on their monster, and Bandit is searching the house for spare coins. It's another average day in the apartment. Until the phone rings. Bandit grabs it since he is closest.
Bandit: Hello?
Wario: Yes, it's time for the semi-final task. I want to see all four of your butts in my office right now!
Bandit: Gotcha, goodbye.
Bandit hangs up. Biff Atlas, Lakitu, and Petey appear in the corridor.
Bandit: It's time.
Biff Atlas, Lakitu, and Petey nod as they walk out of their apartment and into their maybe future boss' building. They enter his office and sit down. Wario and Mona soon enter.
Wario: Right, so it's down to three. As you know, the final two tasks are the hardest, and you need to get them done RIGHT!
The remaining 3 and Petey nod.
Wario: Bandit, you have immunity, but I suggest you actually work this episode. Lakitu, Biff Atlas, you have to REALLY impress me today, or you guys are finally going to hear the words "You're Fired". So I bet you’re dieing to know what the semi-final task is...
The remaining 3 and Petey nod.
Wario: It's a big one, all three of you are going to design a product-
Biff Atlas: NO! I can't take it! I can't stand seeing that stupid British turtle again!
Wario: Shut up and let me finish! Besides, Kolorado's dead.
Biff Atlas: Huh? (Yippee!)
Wario: The police found him dead at his computer. They say he committed suicide, but there was no note or cause. A very strange case. Anyway, you guys will go to your three private workshops and design a product on your own. You design it all by yourself, you make it cool by yourself, and you make a commercial advertising the product. All! By! Your! Self! This is basically taking the past two weeks and using what you have learned from them. You have ‘til 1:30 to make the products, you can't leave the room until you have finished the product, then you will go to the recording studio, and when you finish with your commercial you will head back and stay in your office working on editing the commercial and making a speech. At 1:30 you will show your products, then I will happily fire someone. Your workshops are all one floor below this office. Now get going!
Biff Atlas and Bandit run into their offices, while Lakitu runs into his but slams the door in Petey's face. Petey tries to open the door, but can't due to his hands being leaves.
Petey: Uh, Master, a little assistance?
Lakitu: Sorry Petey, but this time, I have to work alone. Wario told me not to let you help me. Now stay out in the hall and do something fun. I have work to do.
Petey: ... *sniff* ... Yes, Master.
Petey sits outside the office door, deciding to wait the whole 5 and a half hours for his master to come out.
With Bandit, 8:00 AM:
Bandit: All right, I'm safe this round, but I should still think up something to please Wario.
Bandit begins to sit down in a chair and think.
Bandit: Hmm, no, hurrmm, uh-uh, umm, definitely not... uh-huh... yeah, that could work.
Bandit pulls out his invisibility cloak.
Bandit: Before you people start complaining about inconsistency, I'll have you know I've been using this thing off-camera in some parts that nobody cares about. Watch.
Bandit shows clips of him putting it on to steal from Bowser's Castle in episode 3, he also shows a clip of him putting it on the to steal the paint from the girly makeup store, another scene shows him putting it on to steal all the advertising posters at the airport, yet another clip shows him stealing 5,000 coins from WarioWare, then Bandit shows another of him putting-
Cameraman: All right, we get it! You've been using that all the time!
Bandit: Just trying to explain things to the audience.
Bandit puts on the invisibility cloak; the door to his office opens and closes.
With Biff Atlas, 8:00 AM:
Biff Atlas: I knew we were going to do this task! I had this come to me in a dream! All I need is the supplies!
Biff Atlas takes the box of everything Wario included in their offices. He soon takes out paint, a small rectangular cardboard box, some sugar, an Easy Bake Oven, and some lug-nuts.
Biff Atlas: Yes, this is just what I need.
Biff Atlas begins to paint on the box.
With Lakitu, 8:00 AM:
Lakitu: All right, need to think of something amusing, fun, new, and that can help shape the stereotypical future we all want. But what?
Lakitu starts floating around in circles, thinking. A few minutes later he stops.
Lakitu: I'm an idiot. Why didn't I just think of this?
Lakitu looks into a full-sized mirror, seeing himself and the cameraman.
Lakitu: In the stereotypical future, we want flying transportation, right? Then why not start with clouds?
Lakitu jumps out of his cloud.
Lakitu: Now all I need to do is put it in packaging and make a commercial.
With Bandit, 9:00 AM:
Bandit's door opens and closes again. Bandit takes off his invisibility cloak. He's holding some gadgets.
Bandit: I'm going to make myself a microgame. Wario will be so impressed by how well I do, but first I must get to work.
Bandit starts to sort out his gadgets.
Bandit: I'll start with the background... I'll make it white and checkered.
Bandit takes out a data safe (the thing that holds all the data of a game before you put it in a WarioWare case), turns it on, chooses the paint option, and starts to paint the background checkered and white.
Bandit: That was simple, next I'll need music. Something adventurous... I got it!
Bandit puts on his invisibility cloak again. The door opens and closes.
With Biff Atlas, 9:00 AM:
Biff Atlas is done painting the box. He makes it look like a cereal box.
Biff Atlas: This will be award-winning cereal, "Biff Atlas's Frosted Lug-nuts"!
Biff Atlas shows the cover. The cover is dark blue with a picture of him posing and a milky bowl of shiny Lug-nuts.
Biff Atlas: Next step to make this is easy. All I have to do is cover these lug-nuts with sugar.
Biff Atlas does.
Biff Atlas: Then put them in the oven
Biff Atlas puts the sugared lug-nuts in the Easy Bake Oven.
Biff Atlas: Now we need to wait a few hours.
With Lakitu, 9:00 AM:
Lakitu is seen stuffing his cloud in a cardboard box.
Lakitu: Good, now to make it look nice.
Lakitu takes out paint and starts to paint the box.
Lakitu: I need some catchy name... "Lakitu's Clouds of Heaven?" No... How about "Lakitu"... Yeah, that works. I mean, that's what car companies do all the time.
Lakitu writes his company name on the box and continues painting.
With Bandit, 10:00 AM:
Bandit returns, again becoming visible.
Bandit: What a world we live in, you can't even steal a stupid Requiem For A Dream CD without having the cops come out and swipe your invisibility cloak while you're running away from them because you forgot about the price tag alarms.
Bandit takes out the CD and places it into the data safe soundtrack slot.
Bandit: Good, I got it in. Next I have to make characters and obstacles. I'll make them stick figures fighting red squares.
Bandit draws a stick figure of Wario and draws red tanks and bullets.
Bandit: And now for the AI... this will take a while.
With Lakitu, 10:00 AM:
Lakitu finishes painting his box.
Lakitu: There. Now for the commercial.
Lakitu walks out of his office.
Petey: MASTER!
Lakitu: Uh oh.
Lakitu runs away as Petey gives chase.
Lakitu: I told you, Petey! I don't want your help!
Petey: But Master! All I ever want to do is help you!
Lakitu: Petey! No!
Petey: You saved my life!
Lakitu: (grumbling) I'm starting to wish I hadn't.
Lakitu runs all around Diamond City, trying to get Petey off his tail. Petey soon tires and Lakitu runs into the recording studio to make his commercial.
With Bandit, 11:00 AM:
Bandit: Okay, got everything down. Stick figure Wario is in a war with a red army in which he destroys lots of tanks that are trying to destroy him. Now to get this published.
Bandit walks out of his office and to the recording studio, in which he finds Petey waiting outside the door. He tries to open it, but can't.
Bandit: What the?
Bandit looks up and sees a red neon bar saying "Commercial in progress". Bandit then notices a small Post-it note next to the door.
Note: Only one person can make a commercial at a time, so if you're reading this and you're locked out, then you spent too much time working on your product and someone else got here first.
Bandit: DARN!
Petey: I agree. My master won't let me help him do anything.
Bandit observes the building from all sides and notices a second floor window is open in the back of the building.
Bandit: Well, I would usually just try to sneak in by saying I'll pay Petey to help get through that open window. But seeing that I have immunity, I think I won't take that chance, and just wait out here.
Bandit takes out some playing cards and starts playing Go Fish with Petey.
With Lakitu, 11:00 AM:
Lakitu: All right, I see we have the cast.
Some Koopas wave to the camera. One pulls out a “Hi Dad" sign.
Lakitu: We got the props, we got the lights, we got the set-
Lakitu sees that the set is the same since the commercial episode.
Lakitu: Dang it! Now how am I supposed to use this?
Cameraman: I don't know, it's your product.
Lakitu starts to pace around, but as this doesn’t help he sits down and starts to think. A few minutes later he gets an idea and begins writing the script.
Lakitu: This is genius!
Lakitu hands the script to the Koopas along with their costumes and props. He also digs a grave open, finding an actual coffin inside it.
Lakitu: What the?
Lakitu opens it and a Dry Bones covered in old pieces of paper gets out and yawns.
Lakitu: What the?
Dry Bones: *yawn*... *smack, smack* What's today's date?
Lakitu: August 24th, 2010.
The Dry Bones's lower jaw falls off his face. He picks it back up.
Dry Bones: Dang! Then I've been asleep for over 78 years!
Lakitu: Why were you even in that coffin?
Dry Bones: I was auditioning for the role of the main villain in "The Mummy"! I must've fallen asleep while rehearsing my audition.
Lakitu: Dang, that must be bad luck for you then.
Dry Bones: Oh well, might as well call a cab over.
The Dry Bones pulls out an enormous cell phone and starts to dial a number.
Lakitu: ... Uh...
Dry Bones: What do you mean your taxi company no longer exists?!... Hold on, you're breaking up, I'm inside a building... at some graveyard... What do you mean am I talking through an old-fashioned phone? This is the height of cellular technology! I have to go now, I've probably cost myself a million coins with this call... Thanks for nothing!
Lakitu: I think you're going to need to take some time to get used to Diamond City 2010.
Dry Bones: What's Diamond City?
Lakitu: It's where you are now.
Dry Bones: Ever since the stock market crashed, I've lived in Tin City.
Lakitu: Uh... yeah... That was fixed about 7 years after you went to sleep... Can somebody... I’ve got an idea... Bring in Petey, please.
Petey comes running in.
Petey: Yes, Master?
Dry Bones: Oh no! Don't tell me slavery is legal again.
Lakitu: No, he's a servant. Petey, please take this man outside and show what the world looks like to someone whose latest update was when the stock market crashed.
Petey: Yes, Master.
Petey grabs the Dry Bones and runs him outside to give him a tour.
Koopa Cast Member: Excuse me, Mr. Director... We're ready now.
Lakitu: Huh? Oh, right. Quite. Places, everyone... Action!
Koopas dressed in black are crying around an open grave while a Koopa minister says some mumbo jumbo. Then the camera goes to the sky, where Koopa angels are flying around on Lakitu clouds and playing harps. Then a rubber hand of DAD pops out holding Lakitu's box.
DAD: Lakitu clouds, buy them.
Lakitu: Cut! That's a wrap!
Lakitu is given a roll of film.
Lakitu: All I need to do is edit this and prepare a speech. Ok, see ya, guys.
Lakitu opens the door to the studio, Bandit walks in and Lakitu walks back to WarioWare.
With Bandit, Noon:
Bandit: Dang it! How am I supposed to sell my product with a background like this?!
Director: Improvise, that's what Lakitu did.
Bandit: Hmmm.
Bandit sits down on a grave, however it's the grave that Lakitu opened, so he falls in.
Bandit: Ouch. That hurt... hmmmm... Hey guys! We have any caskets laying around?
Director: Uh, yeah.
Bandit: Throw one in, then.
The Koopa cast throw the coffin in, however Bandit is still in the hole so he gets squished. After a while he manages to squeeze out.
Bandit: Next time, throw it in, when I'm not in the grave!
Koopa: Oops. Sorry.
Bandit: Listen! I want someone to tie strings to that casket and pull it when the camera's ready. Now... action!
The camera focuses on the casket, which opens up to reveal that nothing is in it.
Bandit: Cut! That's good. Now we need a tank to fire and explode! Someone get rid of these headstones.
The Koopa cast quickly remove them as another member drives a tank through the wall.
Koopa: We have to hurry, Lord Ludwig wants this back in five minutes.
Bandit: All right, all cameras surrounding the tank! Get that giant hole out of all backgrounds!
The cameras surround the tank, getting all kind of camera shots!
Bandit: Action!
The tank fires a Bullet Bill, then a Koopa on the inside presses the “self-destruct" button to make the tank explode.
Koopa: Oh my DAD! Lord Ludwig is going to have a fit when he sees this!
Bandit: Your problem, not mine.
Bandit takes his two rolls of film and heads back to WarioWare.
With Biff Atlas, Noon:
Biff Atlas takes his now-edible Frosted Lug-nuts out of the Easy Bake Oven
Biff Atlas: Kids, please don't try this at home. Don't try to cook lug nuts in an Easy Bake Oven. A real oven is much quicker.
Biff Atlas pours the Frosted Lug Nuts into the bag, which goes into the box.
Biff Atlas: And now for the commercial.
Biff Atlas heads down and floats into the studio.
Biff Atlas: Awesome! A graveyard setting! Somebody plug up that hole and put in some headstones!
The Koopa cast put back the headstones and a Koopa cast member replaces the hole in the wall with some coin blocks.
Biff Atlas: All right, get into the zombie costumes!
The Koopa cast does.
Biff Atlas: All right, now all we need is a catchy jingle and some action! ACTION!
Biff Atlas is seen punching and squishing the zombies to a creepy but catchy version of the Frosted Flakes song. It goes a little like this.
Creepy Choir: Biff Atlas! I love the things you do!
Biff Atlas! When I die I want to be like you!
You're the one and only ghost, with the one and only muscles
You can make a good breakfast and get into cool tussles
Frosted Lug-nuts. They're more than great...
Biff Atlas: They're-
Biff Atlas uppercuts a zombie.
Zombie: Ow-
Biff Atlas: -some! ... Cut! That's a wrap, people! You can all go home now.
Biff Atlas retrieves his film and goes back to WarioWare.
With Lakitu, Noon:
Lakitu: All right, time for video editing. Thankfully, everything isn't that bad.
Lakitu makes minor adjustments to his commercial and chooses the best angles to use.
Lakitu: All I need to do is prepare a speech to give to Wario, and I should be set.
Lakitu prepares an argument.
With Bandit, Noon:
Bandit: All right, let's get working.
Bandit is doing a lot of computer work, inserting his pixels and movie-like intros to make his simple game seem as epic as an actually good videogame movie.
Bandit: I love this game! Now time... *groan* for the boring part: preparing a speech I don't even have to give.
Bandit makes a speech but definitely is not enjoying it.
With Biff Atlas, 1:00 PM:
Biff Atlas is sitting at his computer, making very minor edits since he likes his commercial the way it is.
Biff Atlas: There, speech time.
Biff Atlas sees he only has 30 minutes left. He begins to write quickly and still manages to make a pretty good speech.
Suddenly Wario's face appears on their computer screens.
Wario: Time's up, morons! Please come to my office.
Lakitu, Bandit, and Biff Atlas head toward Wario's office, enter it, and sit down. In the office are his assistants and others.
Wario: Well, let me just introduce you all. These are my product testers. I'm one of them, all three of you know Mona and Crygor, and I want you three to meet Dribble, he usually is the "cool" factor in WarioWare games. Now that that's out of the way, let's see the products. By random selection, Bandit will go first. Do you want to show the commercial first or do you want to give the speech first?
Bandit: I would like to show my commercial first.
Bandit plops in his film and turns on the TV. Almost like a movie, the TV has fading words in the intro.
TV: They say that one day...
The pixilated Wario is shown in his casket.
TV: A hero will rise.
The pixilated Wario opens his eyes.
TV: And save the world...
The pixilated Wario dodges a bullet from the tank.
TV: When we have fallen.
The pixilated Wario shoots the tank and it explodes.
TV: Wario's War... coming out March 2011.
Bandit turns off the TV.
Bandit: As you can see, I have made my very own videogame starring my maybe future boss himself, Wario Wario. A game that this company needs and that shows that I already have the training needed, I have a head start, unlike those two, who made whatever they made. Besides, I have immunity so you can't fire me, and you must admit that was indeed awesome.
Wario: Well, it is impressive, I love explosions and all that.
Mona: However, is it the best product?
Crygor: Why do you want to become Wario's apprentice, anyway? You already own a chain of hotels on Plit.
Bandit: Because I don't think it's enough. Ever since I was a little boy, I have wanted to be with Wario, he is my idol. And I have tried my very hardest to join him in this 15-day quest. Will I join him in the final episode? Or will one of those two upstage me? I don't know, all I know is enough is never enough, and I can add my idol to the stuff that is never enough.
Dribble: That got really confusing at the end. But you're still in the finals no matter what.
Wario: The second name picked was Lakitu. Commercial first? Or speech first?
Lakitu: Commercial first.
Lakitu takes out Bandit's film and replaces it with his film. The commercial plays the same as it did in the recording studio.
Wario: Uh-
Lakitu: I have created Lakitu clouds-
Wario presses a buzzer.
Wario: I'm just going to stop you right there. No, just no.
Lakitu: Why? This is the way to help humans fly.
Wario: I don't sell to just humans, dummy! I sell to all kinds of species: Goombas, Koopas, even Lakitus. If I allowed this, I would be selling something every Lakitu already has. It's stupid.
Mona: *sigh*
Crygor: Why do you want to be Wario's apprentice?
Lakitu: Because... I don't make enough. All right? That's my true reason. Do you know how much they pay gravediggers these days? A coin a grave. That's it, I need to expand. This is the only place I could actually do this, this is my one shot. I've screwed up, but I learn, I improve on my act.
Dribble: I say you've haven't been improving as I've watched the show, you've been privately talking with Wario since episode one, and you still are. You've shown new things, but you haven’t improved.
Wario: Biff Atlas, just don't screw this up.
Biff Atlas: Commercial please.
Biff Atlas's commercial plays just like it did in the recording studio.
Wario: I love that song. I'll be humming it all day.
Biff Atlas: This is Biff Atlas's Frosted Lug-nuts: sugar-coated edible lug-nuts approved by health inspectors. (Actually only I tested it, but I'm sure it will pass.) Not only that, it tastes great as well. Plus, with a mascot like me, kids will want to try be like me and eat this cereal. This is a guaranteed moneymaker.
Wario: Hmm, I like it. Very impressive, Biff Atlas.
Mona: Doesn't seem all that original though.
Biff Atlas: There's barely any cereal on Plit, though, so it helps the cereal district as well.
Crygor: Why do you want to be Wario's apprentice?
Dribble: Can you ask any other questions?
Crygor: No, this is what Wario has paid me for.
Wario: Shut up! But it still stands, you already own one of the biggest gym companies on all of Plit. Why do you want to join me?
Biff Atlas: Because in all of Lemmy's Land history, despite my huge muscles and powerful moves, I have not been accepted into Lemmy's Land. Look at any gameshows in Lemmy's Land involving Luigi's Mansion, am I in them? No! I've been upstaged by Shivers, who's just a wrinkly old man. I want to show them my dominance. I want to show the world, I can do it.
Wario: Well, Bandit, you have immunity so you're safe. Here's your final two prize.
Wario hands Bandit a DS
Wario: You get a DSi XL in the color black, along with WarioWare DIY. I suggest you play it.
Bandit: Awesome!
Bandit runs out with his new DS.
Wario: Now, I have one other DS. It will go to one of you. I'm going to discuss with my partners on who should get it, Meanwhile, you two go to the top floor.
Lakitu and Biff Atlas go to the top floor.
Wario: Now, what's everyone's opinion on Lakitu? I personally would like to fire him right now, the finals are looming and we need someone who can actually do something.
Mona: He at least thought about our human audience.
Crygor: His reason to join us is quite weak, though.
Dribble: That, and he hasn't improved since episode 1.
Wario: However, this guy has actually won a challenge as a leader, unlike Biff Atlas.
Mona: True, in a make your own business challenge where he changed his entire idea by Fawful, of all people.
Wario: Right right, what about Biff Atlas? I love the guy, but is he best for our team?
Mona: Well, he could do things, but I felt he was a tad... cliché’. I mean-
Wario: So it's a tough guy trying to sell cereal to kids, what's wrong with that?
Crygor: His reason is also cliché. I mean, trying to show his dominance? That “he can do it"? I personally hate those kinds of people.
Dribble: Yeah, but he's big, he's cool, he can do all sorts of things. And he's been saving his team a good couple of times.
Wario: All right, I think I know what to do, I'll be right back.
Wario climbs up the staircase to the top floor, where Lakitu and Biff Atlas are waiting.
Wario: I'm going to give my second biggest judgment of the game. But I'm going to give all of you one last chance to speak. Lakitu, why shouldn't I fire you?
Lakitu: I know I made a mistake in choosing my product. But that commercial was indeed amazing, cooler than Biff Atlas's at least. Besides, I've shown I can do things that Biff Atlas can't, like win a challenge for instance, and get a henchman. It would be foolish on your part to get rid of me, for I have done far greater things than Biff Atlas has.
Wario: And Biff Atlas?
Biff Atlas: That's the best you can muster, Lakitu? Really? Yes, your commercial was more edited and sophisticated than mine. But you won a challenge where you barely did anything and Bowser saved the team. And holding Petey over our heads again? I'm more of a born leader- BOOS! COME FORTH!
Biff Atlas's Boos surround Wario, Lakitu, and Biff Atlas.
Biff Atlas: I know how to work these guys. They chose to work for me, and I use them when I need them, you're just using Petey for stupid things. I have done far better things in the past few episodes than you have done this entire show.
Wario: Enough! My mind is clear.
Wario looks both of them in the eye.
Wario: Lakitu, if I kept you here, you would be a great painter, I've seen you paint great things. However, you just joined me to make a bit of money? And let me tell you something about that commercial, that wasn't great, if the people reading this could actually see that commercial it would be Arty Farty. You're not showing the product. You still haven't learned how to make a commercial. Plus, last episode you said you could lead more than one person if I let you live that episode. You couldn't do that. And that's why you're FIRED!
Lakitu shakes his head, seeing that's it all over.
Wario: Biff Atlas, here's your DS. You’re dismissed.
Biff Atlas takes his prize and leaves.
Lakitu, never thinking he would have to hear those words, goes up the stairs and into the Cheep Cheep Blimp.
Lakitu: This close, I was this close to winning. And in the semi-final episode I screwed it up. Well, at least it can't get worse-
Petey: MASTER!
Petey is flying straight for the Cheep Cheep Blimp
Lakitu: Oh dear DAD.
Petey and the blimp fly off in the distance.
Narrator: One job, now just two people working for it, Wario's search for an apprentice... continues.
Wario: I knew I forgot something.
Wario tosses Lakitu's product on the narrator's head.
Wario: And now to get some rest.
Wario goes downstairs to see his employees have yet to leave.
Wario: What are you guys still doing here?
Crygor: You've yet to tell us that we're dismissed.
Wario: Well you are, now leave! I have money to count!
The three get up and leave.
Wario: Not you, Mona. I have something to give you.
Mona: What?
Wario: You've been wanting this for about five games now. So here you go.
Wario hands Mona an envelope. Mona opens it and does not believe her eyes.
Mona: My... my paycheck?!
Wario: Well, you have been working hard and OOF!
Mona hugs Wario. Wario notices the camera.
Wario: Turn off that darn camera!

Read on!

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