Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Wario: Last time on Wario's Apprentice, I met the 16 people who applied for this job, and put them to the test of selling Cheep Cheep blood. One team, Silver, made big while the Squash team lost, with Large Fry, the 5-star restaurant cook, getting fired for making very bad juice. YUCK! Anyway, this week I have something very special planned for them.

At the apartment at noon…:

The phone rings. Everyone races to it but Bandit makes it this time due to a very fat guy no longer being in his way.

Bandit: Yo!

Wario: You don't say yo to your maybe future boss! Now I want you guys to meet me where you guys first landed in five minutes.

Bandit: Sure, goodbye.

Everyone manages to get downstairs.

Bandit: We need to get to the top of WarioWare in about 4 minutes 35 seconds.

Booster: Cackletta, you awake?

Cackletta: *HACK* Yeah.

Goomba King: Let's go!

They charge through town, through the building, through Wario's office, and....

Wario: STOP!

They realize their maybe future boss is already in the room.

Wario: Whoever my apprentice is going to be will pay for this.

Geno: What?

Wario: You guys destroyed four of my power generators, three of my strange microgame machines, Mona and Penny have broken legs, and you guys destroyed my pear tree!

A partridge lands on Wario's shoulder.

Wario: Now that all 15 of you aren't paying attention to the rules of the game, I'm going to explain your next task. Look out that window.

All 15 try to look out the window but half of them can hardly get a glimpse.

Wario: As you can see, that city is all centered around me. Like Mario, they love me so much that want to make merchandise, but that's not what I'm talking about.

Biff Atlas: What are you talking about then?

Wario: I want you to make merchandise for a very famous person.

Bully: Albert Einstein?

Birdo: Michael Jackson?

Waluigi: Waluigi?

Wario: Wind Crystal!


Wario: You seem troubled by my choice.


Wario: Ok, now there are three souvenir shops in Diamond City.
1. Diamond City Digs: The biggest souvenir shop in Diamond City.
2. Games Ahoy!: The souvenir shop that has the most stores.
3. VIP Thrift: Diamond City's most expensive souvenir shop (and the place where I shop).
You guys will be judged on how many items you sell. Each item is worth 30 coins, so whoever sells the most items, wins. You will have two days to do this. The first day you will think up your idea and give the ideas to the Creative society that's next to my building. The second day you will give the ideas to the three souvenir stores. Waluigi and Biff Atlas are your team leaders now.

Biff Atlas: All right!


Wario: Oh yes, since SOME PEOPLE broke Mona's leg, Dr. Crygor will be watching Squash.

Birdo: Ohhh joy.

Wario: I will not be hearing that in MY office! Now get to the bases I made for you!


Biff Atlas: So, any ideas?

Booster: I have one.

Biff Atlas: Let's hear it.

Booster: A bird feeder!

Biff Atlas: Do you honestly expect people to buy a Wind Crystal bird feeder?

Booster: Yes!

Biff Atlas: No. Cackletta, got anything?

Cackletta: *Hack* Pain *Cough*

Biff Atlas: Never mind, Fawful?

Fawful: I say we forget the Wind of Crystalness.

Biff Atlas: No. Ok, stupid idea time, if anyone has any idea speak up now.

Suddenly the whole team starts arguing and yelling.


Waluigi: Ok ,Waluigi think we should make a Wind Crystal gardening set.

Squash team: BOOO!

Waluigi: Well, what do you guys want?!

Birdo: I was thinking a Wind Crystal ring.

Waluigi: Hmmm, not bad, Waluigi like that! Let's do it!

Lemmy: Hey! What about my idea for a Wind Crystal ball?

Geno: Or my Wind Crystal doll?

Bully: How do you make a Wind Crystal doll?

Geno: Never mind

Waluigi: The ring it is.

Lemmy: Who would actually want a ring as a souvenir?

Waluigi: Hmmmm, good point. Ball it is, unless Goomba King has a good idea?

Goomba King: I was thinking of a Wind Crystal hat.

Waluigi: Hmmmm, let me think about all three.


Biff Atlas: *grunt* Ok, it's down to a Wind Crystal chew toy and a Wind Crystal closet. Any final ideas?

Shy guy: No way!

Biff Atlas: Then as team leader, I say we choose the chew toy.


Biff Atlas: Which is why we are going to lose. Anyway, now we need to make the design.

Snifit 3: Ummm, isn't the Creative society going to handle that?

Biff Atlas: Yes, but we need to show them the roots so they don't mess it up.

Snifit 3: Ummmm, I think I understand.

Biff Atlas: Ok, how should we make the shape?

Bandit: It's obvious that it should be shaped like Wind Crystal.

Booster: Yes, but 3D!

Fawful: It should also have softness.

Biff Atlas: Ok, soft 3D Wind Crystal. Anything else?


Biff Atlas: Yes, I like that, let's just put that on paper to show it to them and make our creation. Cackletta, hand me the paper.

Cackletta: *Belch* Here.

Biff Atlas: That was weird, but anyway, Bandit will write the dynamics and detail while we think about who will be fired.

Bandit: Sure.


Waluigi: Waluigi can't decide on an item! There's only one thing to do! The six of you will have to go out and ask what they think will be good.

Birdo: Here we go again. Lemmy and Lakitu will take Roy Sports Hall, me and Geno will take Lemmy's Forum, while Goomba King and Bully will try to talk on Youtube.

Lemmy: Wait a minute! What about Waluigi?!

Waluigi: Waluigi going to keep thinking on what the best item is!

Lakitu: He's pretty lazy if you ask me.

Bully: Let's go!

With Lemmy and Lakitu…

Lemmy: Hey Roy, what would you love as a Wind Crystal?


Lemmy: Ok, we aren't going to get any information out of here.

Lakitu: Let's go.

Lemmy: Yeah, maybe lazy Waluigi will figure out an idea.

With Birdo and Geno…

Geno: Excuse me, young forum user, but what would you love as a Wind Crystal-

Dark Koopa:  *&##(*)*( Wind Crystal! Go Gloomtail!

Birdo: I'm going to ask that other guy over there.

Birdo walks over to The Dryest Bones.

Birdo: Excuse me but what would you love as a Wind Crystal-

TDB: You know, the whole Wind Crystal thing is over now.

Birdo: Geno, I don't think we're going to get a good word for Wind Crystal.

Geno: Maybe it's because the author doesn't like him.

Birdo: I thought we agreed not to talk about the author.

Geno: Oh yeah, whoops.

Birdo: Hopefully something will work out with Waluigi.

With Goomba King and Bully…

Goomba King: How do we communicate on Youtube without a Youtube account?

Bully: I don't know.

Goomba King: Maybe if we type in Wind Crystal we'll find something cool.

Bully: Yeah, let's find us a Wind Crystal video!

Goomba King starts typing and Youtube can't find what's he looking for.

Bully: What did you type?

Goomba King: (reading screen) 9oiuysdf98opic9unxhho9cdu8nr89edjhcg

Bully: *sigh* We're not going to get anything, are we?

Goomba King: Nope... Hey look, Cloud8745's I Wanna Be The Guy!

Bully: All right!


Bandit: It's ready!

Biff Atlas: Finally, let’s see what you got.

Bandit displays some sort of nerd science experiment for a simple Wind Crystal chew toy.

Biff Atlas: I'm impressed.

Cackletta: So *cough* am I.

Fawful: Let’s take this to the Society of Creativeness!

Snifit 3: Ummm, what he said.

Shy guy: Let's go already!


Booster: Um, guys, I already have a taxi waiting.

Bandit: When did that get here?

Booster: Between "Let's take this to Society of Creativeness" and "Ummm, what he said.".

Snifit 3: Oh.

They get in the taxi and reach the Creative Society.

Kolorado: Good day, old chap. I have an appointment with a company named... Silber. Are you they?

Biff Atlas: No, we're Silver.

Kolorado: Then I can't talk with you guys.

Suddenly a Creative Koopa points out that the B should be V.

Kolorado: Ah yes, Silver! What do you have to show me?

Biff Atlas: Bandit, take it away.

Suddenly the whole Creative Society turns on its side and feels like its moving 1 foot at a time. Then Biff Atlas comes through the floor, er, wall.

Biff Atlas: Show them the chew toy, Bandit.

Bandit: (holding Creative Society) Oh, ok!

Bandit puts it back down.

Kolorado: I say! That was the most fun teacup ride I've ever had!

Biff Atlas: Just explain the product, Bandit.

Bandit: Yes. You see, this very comfortable chew toy for dogs will be so loved because it's based on the 1-hit wonder, Wind Crystal, and it helps you sleep.

Kolorado and Silver: WHAT?!

Bandit: Yes, with a few modifications we can make such soothing sounds come out of this chew toy, if a person hears about 30 seconds of it he will fall asleep with very nice dreams.

Kolorado: That will take a lot of Creative work, but we'll see what we can do.

Biff Atlas: Thank you.


Lemmy: Waluigi! We need your help!

Lakitu: Yeah, Roy Sports Hall doesn't have any ideas.

Birdo: Yeah, neither does Lemmy's Forum.

Geno: They seem to worship Gloomtail. *shudder*

Lemmy: Hey, where is Waluigi?

Lakitu: And where are Bully and Goomba King? They haven't come in to say their problems.

With Goomba King and Bully…

Cloud8745: Bowser's gonna die!

Wart pops out of the Clown Copter.

Cloud8745: OMG IT'S WART!

Goomba King and Bully are ROLFing.

With the others…

Waluigi: Hello everybody.

Lemmy: Where were you?

Waluigi: Waluigi was at the Creative Society!

Lakitu: Without us?

Waluigi: Yeah!  Waluigi got bored waiting for you and trying to think which item to use, so Waluigi decided to go with the gardening set!

Squash: Booooo!

The next day...

Biff Atlas: Today is the day that we get our Wind Crystal chew toy!

Bowser: YES!!!

Fawful: I cannot be waiting!

Snifit 3: Ummmm, yay.

Shy Guy: Let's go get our machine!

They reach the Creative Society.

Kolorado: Ah yes, Silver, you must want to see your Wind Crystal chew toy. Am I right, or am I tidily boom?

Bandit: What?

Kolorado: Old expression, old chap.

Biff Atlas: Can we have our chew toy or not?

Kolorado: Here you go old chap, just the way you want it.

Fawful: Bowser, what should you be sayingness?

Bowser: THANK YOU!!

Fawful: That is the correctness.

Booster: There, now let's go to VIP Thrift first!


Goomba King: *yawn* What happened last night?

Bully: We fell asleep on the keyboard watching Youtube.

Goomba King: Let's get back to base.

Bully: Fine. Hey, what's that?

Goomba King: No, I'm not going to watch UltraJman's version too.

Bully: Not that, look! Apparently we fell asleep on the right keys to gain control of Youtube!

Goomba King: Awesome!

With the others…

Geno: Morning.

Birdo: *yawn* What time is it?

Geno: 6.

Lemmy: Please tell me it’s in the afternoon.

Geno: Nope, 6 in the morning.

Lakitu: What?!

Geno: You are all lucky, I get up at 5 every morning.

Waluigi: Then why don't you pick up the phone?

Geno: WAAAH! Where'd you come from?

Waluigi: Heaven. I actually went through the front door, but I want you guys to see the new gardening set!

Lakitu: No! Let's just go to Diamond City Digs and get this over with.


Peach: And why should I put your beastly chew toy in moa's thrift store?

Booster: Ummmm, because it's a thrift store.

Peach: Good point, I'll take some.

Biff Atlas: We probably have them defeated already!

Shy Guy: Don't jinx us!

Fawful: To the Games of Ahoyness!


At Games Ahoy…

Captain Syrup: RRRR! Ahoy there! Why should I put this chew toy in a place like this?

Snifit 3: Ummmm, because it's based off a famous videogame character.

Captain Syrup: So what?! I don't have time for your petty games. Go home and play with your dollies, girls.

Cackletta: Did *hack* I ever tell you the time *cough* when I was *chokes up phlegm* a Barbie model?

Biff Atlas: No, and I don't care.

At Diamond City Digs…

Nerd: Sir, this is a souvenir shop. I don't believe customers would want a chew toy of someone who was famous for two weeks in Lemmy's Land.

Biff Atlas: Hey! You're Andy! From 10th grade math!

Andy: Oh yes, I now remember you... OK! I'll let your chew toy in, just don't hurt me!

Biff Atlas: Ah, the joys of being strong.


Shy Guy: Me three!

Fawful: Me fourth!


Andy: I see you come alone.

Waluigi: Yeah, team ditch Waluigi! Waluigi show them! Waluigi make you buy gardening set!

Andy: I'm sorry, but I can't allow it.

Waluigi: What? Why?

Andy: I don't think souvenirs should be gardening sets.

Waluigi: WAAAAAH!

At Game Ahoy…

Captain Syrup: Ar! Another stupid scallywag!

Waluigi: Waluigi hook you up with Wario if you buy this!

Captain Syrup: We never spoke and I'll take some.

Waluigi: Got it!

At VIP Thrift…

Waluigi: This is a thrift store! Come on! Take it!

Peach: *sigh* Fine, just get out of my face.

Waluigi: YAHOO!

Dr. Crygor: I've seen enough. It's time to go to Wario's Office.

Waluigi: Wait! Where's my team?!

Dr. Crygor: At the office.

Waluigi: Oh.

Wario's Office

Wario and Jimmy T are already in their chairs along with Silver team and a leaderless Squash.

Dr. Crygor: We're here!

Waluigi: Hi guys!

As soon as Waluigi sits in his chair Goomba King and Lemmy scoot over so as not be around him.

Wario: So, two days ago I wanted you 15 to sell Wind Crystal souvenirs. Let's see how well you did. Silver, Waluigi, my brother, was your leader.

Goomba King: Hey, you got the names right this time!

Wario: What?

Dr. Crygor: I believe he is referring to this.

Dr. Crygor has a movie screen pop up showing last episode

Wario: So Squash, Booster was your team leader. Silver, Large Fry was your leader.

Dr. Crygor: You got the names mixed up. Thankfully the author fixed it up later in the episode.

Jimmy T: Didn't we agree not to talk about the author?

Wario: Grrr, I'm not going to even ask how well Biff Atlas did, and go straight to the ideas. So Jimmy, how well did Silver do at VIP Thrift?

Jimmy: They managed to sell 50 Wind Crystal chew toys.

Wario: Crygor, how much did Squash make?

Dr. Crygor: They sold 50 gardening sets as well.

Wario: Hmmm. Jimmy, how much did Silver sell at Game Ahoy?

Jimmy: None.

Wario: What? You guys are supposed to be the good team! I'm sure Squash didn't sell any either, did they?

Dr. Crygor: They managed to sell 100, plus the 50 already, that's 150 gardening sets.

Wario: WHAT?! How did you do that?!

Waluigi: It's a secret.

Wario: Jimmy, how much did Silver sell at Diamond City Digs?

Jimmy: ... OVER 9,000!

Wario: What?

Jimmy T: Just kidding, they sold 100, adding on to the 50 from before we're tied up at 150 items sold.

Wario: Crygor, did they sell one?

Dr. Crygor: .... No.

Wario: Then we're tied!

Goomba King: Wrong!

Wario: What?

Goomba King: As I was watching Youtube and somehow breaking its firewall, I discovered this!

Goomba King shows a picture of Shy Guy doing the Caramelldansen, as the present-day Shy Guy slowly slouches into his chair.

Wario: That was entertaining, but what does this have to do with anything?

Goomba King: Look at the cameraman's name.

Wario: ... Bandit. So?

Goomba King: Along with the date.

Wario: ... July 26th? That was yesterday!

Goomba King: And this shows that either they brought a camera with them, or they bought a camera during this time.

Wario: And since the only cameras are the ones behind you…

The 15 contestants turn, seeing Sledge Bros. with cameras behind them.

Jimmy T: -then you guys bought it, and the rules say if anything was bought during the challenge, it must come out of your final price. So the camera was 300 coins, that takes off about 10 chew toys, making it 140 chew toys.

Wario: Very impressive, Goomba King, You saved your team, and Waluigi now has immunity.

Waluigi: WAHHA!

Wario: Here's your prize.

Wario hands them a Christmas present.

Geno: What is it?

Wario: Open it.

Geno opens it and a tiny plush man with a chainsaw pops out.

Wario: It's a "Tickle Me Jason" plush!

Bully: Wonderful.

The Squash team leaves.

Wario: Now, time for our meeting, Silver. In case you forgot, the team leader will choose two people to have a private chat with me, but it can't be Booster since he has immunity from last week. Biff Atlas, where do you think you guys went wrong?

Biff Atlas: It's obvious! It's when Shy Guy bought the camera!

Shy Guy: Sorry.

Wario: *sigh* Bandit, why did you agree to film Shy Guy?

Bandit: He paid me five coins!

Wario: You do know my apprentice doesn't do stupid things like that, right?

Bandit: Yes Wario, I'll try better next time.

Wario: There may not be a next time for you. But Cackletta, how have you been doing?

Cackletta: *cough* Sick

Wario: That's bad to hear. Bowser, why did you choose a chew toy?


Goomba: I'm no chew toy!

Wario: *facepalm* Snifit 3, do you think you're kind of being anti-social in this game?

Snifit 3: Ummm, no, not at all.

Wario: Fawful, you suggested to get rid of the idea there and then, why?

Fawful: Wind Crystal is of overratedness

Wario: Booster, you have power, and you actually didn't goof off like the other people who had immunity in the other seasons. Congrats.

Booster: Thank you.

Wario: Ok, so Cackletta, who would you fire?

Cackletta: Shy *cough* Guy

Wario: Booster?

Booster: Bandit, for agreeing to film Shy Guy

Wario: Bowser?

Bowser: SHY GUY!

Wario: Fawful?

Fawful: The Guy of Shyness.

Wario: Snifit 3?

Snifit 3: Hmmm. I'm going to say Cackletta, she hasn't been doing any good, plus she keeps looking like she's about to die.

Wario: Bandit?

Bandit: Shy Guy! Because he cost us the challenge!

Wario: Shy Guy?

Shy Guy: Cackletta, she's too old.

Wario: Ok, Biff Atlas, choose two people to privately talk with me.

Biff Atlas: Shy Guy and Cackletta.

Bandit: Phew.

Wario: Ok, the rest of you are safe... for now.

Booster, Bowser, Fawful, Snifit 3, and Bandit jump into a warp pipe. Wario leads the 3 idiots to the top floor and into the same empty room with windows and 1 staircase leading to the roof.

Wario: Now that we're all alone again…

Cackletta: *cough* Wait.

Wario: What?

Cackletta: I *pant* quit

Wario: WHAT?!

Cackletta: Well * cack* I'm too old for games like this. *hack* I know I'm not going to win, and *chokes up phlegm* if I do win, I'll be sued and lose everything before I know it. *cough* So I can't bear it. I quit!

Wario: You can't quit! I have to fire you!

Cackletta walks up the stairs to the Cheep Cheep blimp, but since Wario hasn't given the ok, Cackletta is thrown into a garbage truck.

Large Fry: How you doing?

Cackletta: *pant* Sick. At least I still get a free ride.

She faints again from lack of oxygen. Meanwhile, Biff Atlas and Shy Guy slowly turn away to leave.

Wario: And just where do you think you two are going? No one has been fired yet! One of you two is still going! Now give a VERY good reason why I should keep you here!

Biff Atlas: Well, I am strong. I managed to sell 100 chew toys. If I weren't team leader we would only have 40 chew toys sold instead of 140!

Shy Guy: I'm a good player! I can withstand anything! Today just isn't my day!

Wario: Neither will any other day. Shy Guy, you're FIRED!

Biff Atlas floats away while Shy Guy just stands there, stunned.


Shy Guy goes up to the roof, gets on the blimp, and doesn't get thrown off, so he can actually say a few words to us.

Shy Guy: Wario's a %()#&#)*&$()*&#)$&$*()#!

On second thought, let's end the episode.

Narrator: One job, now 13 people fighting for it. Wario's search for an apprentice continues.

Wario: What are you still doing here?!

Wario tosses the narrator out a third window. This time ha lands in a garbage truck.

Large Fry: Glad you could drop in.

Read on!

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