Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Wario: Last time on Wario's Apprentice, I put the 15 contestants to the task of selling Wind Crystal merchandise. Silver made an actually cool chew toy. Squash, on the other hand, made a gardening set. However, thanks to Waluigi bribing Captain Syrup to go out with me, and to Shy Guy's stupidity, Silver actually lost. Cackletta quit before I got to say anything! But I wasn't about to let the other two go, so in the end, Shy Guy, the gang leader, was fired. Today I have a surprise for the teams. Heh heh heh…

The Apartment, 6:00 PM

Almost everyone is asleep, waiting for dinner to be made. Then there is a knock on the door.

Snifit 3: Umm, who's there?

Wario: Your maybe future boss and his associates.

Snifit 3: Please come in, I'll get the others ready.

Snifit 3 walks to Bowser's bedroom.

Snifit 3: *knock knock knock* Bowser? *knock knock knock* Bowser? *knock knock knock* Bowser?

Bowser: WHAT?!

Snifit 3: Ummm, Wario is here and we need you to wake everyone up.

Wario (behind Snifit 3): Hi.

Bowser: OH! WAKE UP!

Everyone emerges from their tiny bedrooms and sees Wario.

Lemmy: Good evening, Wario.

Birdo: Why don't you stay for dinner?

Waluigi: YEAH! We're having beans! (mumbling) Again.

Wario: As much as I am flattered, I'm just here to give the tasks, and a little change, I'm going to change the teams a little. Since Cackletta quit, we had 2 people leave instead of 1. So Booster, you're returning to Squash, and Lakitu, you're joining Silver.

Lakitu: Umm, hey.

Snifit 3: Ummm, yay, you're one of us.

Booster: YEAH! Booster back on Squash!

Birdo: Geno, finally I'm being put on the team that has more than one SMRPG character.

Wario: With no immunity. Anyway, do you guys know how I became famous?

The 13 nod their heads even though they know nothing about how he did it.

Wario: I'll tell you anyway. You see, when I started my career I started from scratch. I went to plumbers school and worked my way up to be a great plumber, but I didn't like that way of life so I changed my line of work to taking over castles, but that's another story. And your challenge.

Bully: We're going to capture castles?

Bandit comes out carrying a castle on his back.


Wario: NO! You're making business from scratch!

Bandit puts the castle back

Wario: Mainly get coins! Any questions?

Bandit raises his hand.

Wario: No, you cannot steal coins from innocent people.

Bandit lowers his hand, then brings it back up.

Wario: Or the other team.

Bandit lowers his hand.

Wario: Good. Jimmy T. will once again watch Silver, and Mona, who is now on crutches due to 15 people running over her leg, will be watching Squash.

Mona: Oh joy.

Wario: Lakitu and Lemmy are your team leaders, and you have ‘til midnight tomorrow. Go out there and make me proud.

Apartment 6:00 AM: Silver

Lakitu: Wake up, everybody.

Snifit 3: *YAWN* What time is it?

Lakitu: 6.

Fawful: After in the noonness?

Lakitu: No. In the morning

Biff Atlas: AWESOME! I just finished my training!

Lakitu: So, I figured since we're such a strong team-


Lakitu: -we're going to be untrained assassins.

Bandit: We're going to be what?

Lakitu: We're going to kill people for other people, then get money from them.

Fawful: That idea is of stupidness!

Lakitu: I find it quite cool.

Biff Atlas: We know you love dead things, but we can't kill other people

Fawful: Be trusting me, I tried.

Lakitu: Do you have a good idea?

Fawful: We paint on faces.


Snifit 3: Um, so do I.

Bandit: Eh, I'll go along with it.

Lakitu: Grrr, fine.


Lemmy: I have a good idea to make a business. We're going to make snowcones!

Waluigi: How ironic.

Lemmy: Be quiet. Anyway, here's the plan. I make the ice, Bully crushes it, then we buy flavors from a store.

Booster: What do I do?

Lemmy: You stay here and guard my ball.

Booster: Got it!

Booster sits on the ball and it deflates.

Goomba King: What do I do?

Lemmy: Stare at Birdo and make her feel uncomfortable

Goomba King stares at Birdo, who fires an egg at him.

Lemmy: Let's get started.

Birdo fires an egg that Lemmy freezes, then he rolls the egg to Bully, who then stomps on it. Then Geno collects the contents with his hat, then pours it into a paper cone.

Geno: I think we have a problem.

Lemmy: What's that?

Geno: Since Bully doesn't wash himself he got a whole lot of muck on the ice.

Lemmy: It can't be that bad, let me see.

Lemmy sees that the ice has turned into an unrecognizable black.

Lemmy: Anyone else have any ideas?

Goomba King: I believe I have an idea.


Lakitu: Uh UH! No way! Not going in there!

The team is at a very girly makeup store.

Fawful: Then how do we the paint for the faces?

Lakitu: What if girls see us? I'll loser my entire tough reputation!

Biff Atlas: I'm with Lakitu on this one.

Bowser: SAME HERE!

Bandit: Got the face paint!

Snifit 3: Umm, now we can paint faces.

Lakitu: You stole that, didn't you?

Bandit: Yep.

Lakitu: Go return it NOW!

Bandit: No way! Besides, the rules don't say you can't steal items from innocent people, do they?

Snifit 3: Ummm, I don't think they do.

Bandit: Then let's get face painting.

Lakitu: Ok, here's the plan, I'll take to the skies with Fawful and Biff Atlas, we'll scout out for people who want their face painted. Then you guys come charging, hold the guy down, then Fawful will paint his face. Got it?

Fawful: This was not my plan of cunningness!

Lakitu: I'm team leader, so I can make changes to the plan.


Lemmy: Ok Goomba King, show us what you got!

Goomba King shows them a snowcone machine.

Lemmy: ... When did you get that?

Goomba King: I made this after Mario Kart DS.

Lemmy: Let's see how it works.

Goomba King presses 2 buttons and in about 1 minute, give or take 1 second, a cherry snowcone pops out. Lemmy takes it and tastes it.

Lemmy: Hmm, not bad. I think we can use this.

Geno: Problem.

Waluigi: Now what?

Geno: Compared to the tiny machines of today, this thing is huge!

Goomba King: Well I did need to put a freezer for all the ice and the flavors.

Lemmy: We can do this. We have a good thing now. Booster!


Lemmy: Booster, carry this extremely heavy snowcone machine for us. Please?

Booster: Ok.

Booster picks it up, but it crushes him. Lemmy facepalms.


In the air, Lakitu points to an unsuspecting Goombario. He motions the attack. But Goombario knocks out Bowser with a Headbonk.

Bowser: OUCH! ... NOT... YOU... AGAIN!

Goombario: Run away Tactic!

Goombario runs away.

Lakitu: ... How off Earth did you lose to Goombario?

Bandit: Some people consider him a class 3 god, you know.

Lakitu: *facepalm* Let's try getting Koopas.

They do the same thing and attack Koopa Village.

Kooper: PLEASE! Don't hurt me!


Fawful draws a pretty little alligator on Kooper's cheek.

Lakitu: That will be 5 coins.

Kooper: No way!

Lakitu: Bowser, he doesn't want to pay.


Kooper: Here's 5 coins.

Lakitu: Thank you for your loyal contribution to our face painting service.

Kooper: Whatever.


Fawful: I think it is the time to leave.


The Fuzzies, hearing Bowser's much too loud voice, run off.

Koopa: How can we ever thank you, Lord Bowser?



Everyone on the Squash team is trying to lift the snowcone machine.

Lemmy: Ok, now carry it outside.

They put it right outside their apartment and drop it.

Lemmy: Ok, Booster, you speak into this megaphone to attract the customers.


Lemmy: Good thing we're doing this on the hottest day of the year.

5 people line up for the snowcones, then Goomba King presses a button and the 5 snow cones come out.

Lemmy: Five snowcones coming in two seconds!

Random Customer: Hmmmm, particular taste, yet looks so intimidating.

A few more people line up.

Goomba King: More snowcones coming up!

Goomba King makes 1 hundred snowcones in less than 1 hour.

Lemmy: Business is booming big, look at all our customers!

Geno: And since we never bought this stuff, we don't have a payout.

Lemmy: Good... Want to go watch Roy’s Sports Hall while they do our work?

Geno: Sure, who's fighting today?

Lemmy: It's a rerun of Robo Chomp vs. Amanita vs. Tanoomba.

Geno: I've only seen it 37 times.


Everyone in Koopa Village has either a rhino, an alligator, or a lion on their cheeks.

Fawful: That was of easiness!


Bandit: 98, 99, 100, 101, 102. I'm counting coins by the way, 103, 104…

Jimmy T. pops out of nowhere.

Jimmy T: Time to go, dogs!

Lakitu: I hope we did good.

The team jump in a warp pipe.


Lemmy and Geno return to see Goomba King giving away the coins they made.

Lemmy: What's going here?

Goomba King: I forgot the reason why this thing is banned in Pipe Land.

Geno: I'll bite, why is it banned?

Goomba King: Food poisoning.

Lemmy: What?!

Goomba King: Now we have to give these people their money back.

Mona comes out of nowhere.

Mona: Time to go.

Lemmy: Thank DAD!

Lemmy grabs Goomba King and the rest of his team and drags them into the pipe before the angry sick people reach them.

Wario's Meeting Room

Wario is sleeping in his awesome chair, Jimmy T. makes it to his chair, and Mona slowly makes it to her chair. Then the 2 teams sit in their chairs. Jimmy T. then bangs on a gong that wakes Wario up.

Wario: WAH!

Jimmy T: Time to start the meeting.

Wario: Last night I made you guys make a business from scratch, and I hope that none of you stole from anyone. Anyway Silver, Lakitu was your team leader, did he do well?

Biff Atlas: Eh, so so. He let the others do the work.

Fawful: Killing people is what he wanted.

Wario glares at Lakitu, who sinks into his cloud.

Wario: Ok, Squash, Lemmy was your team leader, how well did he do?

Birdo: He had good ideas.

Geno: I say he did marvelously!

Wario: Ok, Jimmy, How much did Silver make?

Jimmy T: Well, they made a total 115 coins, not counting the fact that their company is now famous in Koopa Village.

TV: This just in! Koopa Village has been saved from Fuzzies by a group of people by the name of Silver. After Bowser's powerful roar, the Fuzzies ran away before they could get a shell.

Wario: Impressive. Mona, how much did Squash make?

Mona: They made, 120 coins.

Lemmy and Geno high-five each other as Silver makes face palms.

Mona: But, due to a catastrophic event, they only have 65 coins.

Wario: I'll bite, what did they do?

Mona changes the TV channel.

TV: This just in! Diamond City has become sick to their stomachs due to a group of people known as Squash selling poisoned snowcones.

Mona turns off the TV. Then Lakitu and Bandit start giving high-fives, and Squash is face palming.

Wario: Ok, Silver, you win, Lakitu has immunity, and your reward is... six tickets to Disney World!

Squash: WOO HOO!

Wario: However, due to me being me, and the failing economy, I can only send you to Epcot, in Norway, selling tofu, on the hottest day of the year.

Biff Atlas: I thought today was the hottest day of the year.

Wario: It's going to be over 115F tomorrow.

Squash: YAY! (mumbling) Boo.

Squash leaves through the warp pipe.

Wario: Ok, time to get serious. Lemmy, where do you think your team went wrong?

Lemmy: It's because Goomba King sold poisoned snowcones.

Wario: Why didn't you tell them that those snowcone were poisoned?

Goomba King: I forgot.

Wario: You forgot.

Goomba King: Yes.

Wario: Grrr. Birdo, you didn't do much, and you're supposed to be the main star who isn't picked as team leader. Why didn't you do much?

Birdo: I'm good with plans, if something changes it takes me a while to figure it out.

Wario: Booster, do you feel like you could lose right now?

Booster: Nope, I feel like a million bucks!

Wario: Ok, Bully, why don't you wash yourself?

Bully: I don't need to.

Wario: This is getting very stupid. Geno, why did you agree to go with Lemmy?

Geno: I was bored, and sun isn't good for me, so I went to an air conditioned place.

Wario: Lemmy, why did you leave in the first place?

Lemmy: I got bored, I didn't have my ball, business was booming, why shouldn't I have left?

Wario: Because you could've saved the challenge.

Lemmy: Oh, I didn't think of that.

Wario: Obviously. Bro, you have immunity, how do you feel?

Waluigi: Scared, Waluigi don't get immunity again.

Wario: Maybe you'll win, maybe you won't. Anyway, Birdo, who would you fire?

Birdo: Personally, Bully, he hasn't done anything really useful.

Bully: That's not true! I helped Goomba King crack the Youtube firewall!

Wario: I suppose that's helpful in someway, but that was last episode. Who would you fire?

Bully: Goomba King, he's the one who really lost us the challenge.

Wario: Goomba King?

Goomba King: I would say, Geno, it was at a tie between him and Lemmy, and I think Lemmy is more useful.

Wario: Bro?

Waluigi: Goomba King! He sold the snowcones!

Wario: Booster?

Booster: I say Goomba King! For Waluigi's reasons.

Wario: And Geno?

Geno: I'll say Bully, He hasn't done much good this episode.

Wario: Ok, Lemmy, who do you want to send to privately talk with me?

Lemmy: Goomba King and Bully.

Wario: Ok, you guys are safe again.

Birdo, Waluigi, Booster, and Geno hop into a warp pipe.

Wario: I want to have a little talk with you three.

Wario leads the 2 failures and Lemmy to the top floor.

Wario: Now that we're alone, Lemmy, why shouldn't I fire you?

Lemmy: My main mistake was listening to Goomba King and leaving, but you know that I've been helpful in the past and the present.

Wario: If you were helpful in the present, you wouldn’t be here right now.

Lemmy: That's true, but I was slightly helpful in the challenge.

Goomba King: ... Wait, you're blaming all this on me?

Lemmy: Well, sure, you sold the snowcones.

Goomba King: You should know my criminal record!

Lemmy: The author-

Goomba King: We're not allowed to talk about the author!

Wario blows an airhorn, making the 2 be quiet.

Wario: That's enough of that. Goomba King, why shouldn't I fire you?

Goomba King: I'm the one who was very helpful in the past, and you have to admit, the snowcone machine was a good idea.

Wario: True. Anyway, Bully, why shouldn't I fire you?

Bully: Ever since I really messed up on my first day here, I've been applying myself to anything you say to me, and fixing myself.

Wario: But I might be telling you to leave, that's what I might say next.

Bully: I know that.

Wario: And you're going to ruin my office if you don't clean yourself.

Bully: Yes, but I can fix myself, it's just the way of a plantation owner.

Wario: This is opening a whole can of worms.

Wario turns to all 3.

Wario: I see something, a problem. Two of you are right, one of you has made a big fat mistake.

Wario turns to Lemmy.

Wario: Lemmy, I'm sure you didn't mean anything bad to happen to your team, plus you'll probably pass on this submission if I fired you now. Right?

Lemmy: ... I guess.

Wario: I'm not sure if you’re going to win this if you're going to threaten me, then.

Lemmy: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!

Wario turns to Goomba King and Bully.

Wario: I'm probably an idiot doing this, but with what I've heard today, one of you had a problem you might or might not have known about, and one has a problem you totally know about.

Wario glares into the eyes of Goomba King and Bully.

Wario: Bully...

Bully: Y-yes?

Wario: You're...

Bully: *gulp*

Wario: FIRED!

Bully faints and Lemmy runs to the bathroom, just remembering that he tasted the poisoned snowcones as well.

Wario: Goomba King, you were so close to being eliminated, but I think you have much better argument skills than Bully. Which is why you're safe.

Goomba King: Thank you, Wario.

Goomba King leaves.

Wario: Now, Bully. OUT OF MY BUILDING!

Bully climbs up the stairs and into the Cheep Cheep blimp.

Bully: It's not my fault Birdo and Waluigi take up all the hot water in the shower.

Narrator: One job, now 12 people working for it. Wario's search for an apprentice, continues.

Wario: Oh look, a button that says trapdoor.

Wario presses it and the narrator falls through the floor.

Wario: I love my job.

Read on!

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