Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Wario: Last time on Wario's Apprentice, I put 13 contestants to the test of making their own businesses from Scratch. Silver did face painting, while Squash sold snow cones. Even though Squash made more coins in the end, they were forced to refund a few coins due to food poisoning, Goomba King was responsible, but in the end, Bully, the plantation owner, was fired. Today, I'm going to give the teams a test that will help my search for an apprentice. Though it's hard, each one of these tests helps by getting rid of someone who's not quite worthy.

The Apartment, 6:00 PM

Waluigi is sitting by the phone, awaiting a call from his brother.

Birdo: Is it just me, or is Waluigi acting a bit strange?

Geno: Probably just you, Waluigi is always like that.

The phone rings and instantly Waluigi picks it up.

Waluigi: Hello?

Chef Torte: Ves, zis is Torte Pizza, ve have finished making your pizza, do you vish to pay coin or credit?

Waluigi: Waluigi never ordered any pizza!

Waluigi hangs up.


Waluigi: ... Oops.

Bowser: GRAGH!

Waluigi runs away to his bed. The phone rings again, this time Bowser picks it up.

Bowser: WHAT?!

Wario: Either this is Bowser, or someone who sounds like someone who wants to get fired. Anyway, I want to see you 12 in my factory in 10 minutes.

Bowser: Ok!

Bowser hangs up with so much force he breaks the phone.

Lakitu: Now we have to buy a new phone!


Everyone runs to WarioWare, luckily the building is so close they have 8 minutes to spare.

Wario: Good evening, everyone... where's Waluigi?

Waluigi runs in alone.

Waluigi: *pant* Waluigi, *gasp* stuck in bed.

Wario: Well I really don't care. First of all, I want to switch the team around, I don't like these teams any more. Actually, the Author says I'm not suppose to talk about how he hates these teams, so we're going to make new teams, Wario Ware style!

After a montage of that one controller survival game from WarioWare mega PARTY games. The results come as shown.

Team Leader: Bandit
Biff Atlas
Watched by: Jimmy T

Team Leader: Birdo
Goomba King
Snifit 3
Watched by: Mona (still on crutches)

Wario: Anyway, time for mission briefing. As you can see, you are in the heart of my work. This is where all my microgames are made. Every year, millions of these babies are sold. But that's not your mission. Your mission is to sell candy. In the rear of this place, there is a candy factory. I don't use it much, but it's still usable. You guys are going to make some form of sweets, then sell them at a park, Coincidentally, it happens to be the same park Kat and Ana are going for a field trip. You guys are going to sell the candy, and the team that makes the most coins will have their team leader get immunity and a reward. The losers will have a meeting, then a private talk, where one of you will get fired. Now get going!


Bandit: Ok, I know what we're making! We're going to make chocolate coins.

Lemmy: (muttering) Saw that coming. (out loud) I like that idea!

Waluigi: Waluigi does as well!

Bandit: Let's do this then. Biff Atlas, get the foil and nutrition facts and ingredients. Lemmy, you make a freezer out of this old room. Bowser will melt the chocolate, Lakitu will stir it, and I'll plan our route through the park.

Waluigi: What does Waluigi do?

Bandit: Pull that very heavy lever to make the chocolate.

Waluigi: Aye Aye, captain.

Waluigi pushes with all his might and the lever is moving very slowly making about 1 drop of chocolate a second.

Waluigi: This is going to take a while.

Lemmy: How do I make a freezer out of this place?

Lemmy tries to think but is getting nothing.

Lakitu: Well Bowser, looks like we can't do much.



Birdo: Any ideas on what kind of candy we should make?

Goomba King: How about snow cones?

Birdo: Did you forget what happened the last time we made those?

Goomba King: ... Oh yeah.

Birdo: You got something, Geno?

Geno: How about chocolate bars? Kids are going crazy about them these days.

Birdo: Perhaps, Chocolate bars it is.

Fawful: Be of waitingness!

Birdo: What?

Fawful: How are pops of lolliness?

Birdo: Hmmmmm, I'm thinking that's a good idea as well, but it would be harder to make.

Geno: Chocolate bars are better.



Fawful: Let us do Rock Paper Scissors on what great idea makes it to the Board of Drawingness!

Snifit 3: Ummm, no, too simple.

Geno: Stay out of this.

Snifit 3: I was just going to suggest Rock, Paper, Scissors, Mario, Bowser.

Geno: What?

Snifit 3: It's simple. Paper covers Rock, Rock crushes Scissors, Scissors cuts Mario, Mario bounces on Bowser, Bowser burns Paper, Paper suffocates Mario, Mario throws Rock, Rock knocks out Bowser, Bowser breaks Scissors, and of course, Scissors cuts Paper.

Fawful: I have down of itness.

Geno: Ok.


Fawful makes Rock, while Geno chooses Mario.

Geno: HA! Chocolate bars it is.

Fawful: Cheap.


Biff Atlas: Why did you follow me to this place?

Bandit: Because I just finished the route we'll take and I'm bored.

Biff Atlas: Well I've examined the ingredients...

Bandit: ... And?

Biff Atlas puts on some reading glasses and starts to read the nutrition facts.

Biff Atlas: Chocolate candy coins, Amount per serving: 1 Coin, Calories: 1000
Ingredients, Artificially made chocolate (since we don't know how Wario made the chocolate) 100% Sugar.

Bandit: That can't be too bad. I mean. why are little kids going to read these labels anyway, unless they have allergies? Let's do it!

Meanwhile with the others…

Waluigi is gasping for breath while Bowser is pulling the crank… with ease.

Lakitu: Ok, that should be about 100 chocolate coins, now BREATHE!

Bowser starts using his fire breath on the chocolate, while Lakitu is stirring with a Spiny Egg.

Lemmy: How's this for a freezer, guys?

Lemmy shows them an empty, frozen meat locker.

Bowser: I LIKE IT!

Lakitu: Let's test it.

Lakitu throws a Spiny in and waits 5 seconds. The Spiny is frozen inside an ice cube.

Lakitu: Tone down the coolness and we should be good.

Biff Atlas and Bandit come back.

Bandit: Well, what do we got?

Lemmy: 100 chocolate coins, since that's probably the amount we need. These babies will sell so well!


Birdo: Ok, I'm going to plan our route. Fawful will get the nutrition facts, Goomba King will push the rather heavy lever, Geno will do nothing along with Snifit 3, and Booster will do the stirring.  Everyone understand everything?

Geno and Snifit 3: ZZZZZZZZ.

Birdo: And you people ask me why I didn't give them work. Anyway, I'm going with Fawful since the park is close to the shop anyway.

Birdo and Fawful leave, then Goomba King starts pushing the massive lever with ease... until he trips over it and lands on Geno and Snifit 3.

Geno: What's the big idea?

Snifit 3: Ummm, what he said!

Goomba King: I have no arms, so it's a lot harder than it needs to be.

Booster: Let me try it.

Booster spins around the lever 100 times and a pool of chocolate comes out.

Goomba King: ...

With Birdo and Fawful…

Birdo: Ok, I have the plans. Do you have the ingredients?

Fawful starts to say something, then Birdo covers Fawful's mouth.

Birdo: Never mind, I'll say it instead.

Birdo takes out some reading glasses and starts to read.

Birdo: Healthy choco bars for kids: calories, 100. Ingredients: chocolate, egg,
23% sugar. I want to see the other team do better than this!

The Next Day…


Bandit: Oh boy, oh boy! Today's the day we sell these babies!

Waluigi: MMMM. Waluigi like the looks of these golden coins so much. He wants them!

Bandit: Unless you pay the five coins, you can't have any.

Waluigi: WHAA!

Bowser: TO THE PARK!

Silver gets in a taxi, with Lakitu holding all the coins.

Biff Atlas: I just realized something, guys. How can a Lakitu with a very big cloud due to holding coins, Lemmy Koopa, a Bandit, Waluigi, Bowser who is a giant spiked turtle, and me, a giant muscle ghost who can lift 100-pound weights, fit in a little-

The taxi explodes in the middle of the road. Chocolate coins fly everywhere. Lakitu has a black eye, Lemmy has a broken tail bone, Waluigi has a broken jaw, Bandit has lost his mask, Bowser has passed out, and since Biff Atlas is a ghost, he's not hurt.

Biff Atlas: Note to self: Leave the thinking to the nerds.

Lakitu: OW! Now what do we do? The coins are everywhere!

Bandit: OH NO! OH NO! Where's my mask?!

Biff Atlas: Relax, we'll find them.

Lemmy: Great, ow, now I can't, ow, practice my balance, ow, or update the site, ow, for a month.

Biff Atlas: Everything will be fine, these problems will be solved in a matter of one episode.

Waluigi: OW! OW!

Waluigi takes some of the handyman's secret weapon (ducktape) and wraps it around his head so his jaw won't hurt when he moves it. Then he writes something to Biff Atlas.

Biff Atlas: (reading paper) What about Mona's leg? It's been three episodes and it still isn't fixed. PS. Waluigi Number One!

Waluigi silently chuckles to himself as Biff Atlas reads that part.


Birdo: Raise and shine!

Geno: I don't want to!

Fawful: But it is the time of rising.

Geno: Go on without me.

Booster: Fine, if we lose, you'll be the one fired.

Geno appears right in front of them.

Geno: Just to let you know, that was acting.

Goomba King: No time! We have candy to sell!

Birdo: I got a cab out back.

Squash heads into the cab. Surprisingly they fit, unlike the other team.

Snifit 3: Ummm, what's that mess in the middle of the road?

Booster: That's the other team! This is our chance to sabotage them!


Biff Atlas: Uh, guys?

Bandit: WHAT?! Can't you see the big problem here is I can't find my mask?!

Biff Atlas: Lo-

The cab runs over Lakitu, Bandit, Waluigi, and Lemmy.

Biff Atlas: -ok

Lemmy: Now look! I've lost my hair! Lakitu has a second broken eye! Waluigi seems to have a broken leg, seeing the way he's holding it! And Bandit's mask magically appeared in my hand!


Bandit snatches the mask from Lemmy then puts it back on again.

Bandit: Now that I can see-

Biff Atlas: You can't see without your mask on?

Bandit: Well... Yes.

Biff Atlas: That doesn't make sense.

Bandit: You see, back in time looooooooooong ago, the first Shy Guy popped out of the ocean and...

Lemmy: (muttering to Biff Atlas) Now look what you've done. You got Bandit explaining the universe.


Squash is giving each other high fives after perfectly sabotaging the teams.

Birdo: Good job, guys.

Fawful: Did you face of looks on Biff Atlas's face? AHAHAHAHAHAH!

Geno: I'm glad I got out of bed for this!

Goomba King: We have this challenge in the bag!

Snifit 3: Umm, yay?

Booster: HOORAH!

Squash: HOORAH!


Squash goes silent

Driver: Good. We're at your destination

Birdo: Thank you.

Geno: Where are we?

Fawful: I thinkness that this is-

Booster: Say it in English before you say anything.

Fawful: ... Demon Park.

Snifit 3: Ummm. What?

Booster: WHAT?! You sure you were speaking English?

Fawful: Ok then, Park of Demonness.

Booster: I like the other one better.

Goomba King: Don't you morons know anything? This is just the park from WarioEare Touched when you took control of Kat and Ana.

Snifit 3: Umm, when did you know so much about WarioWare?

Goomba King: Because I did research before I signed up for this thing. NOW LET'S GET SELLING!

Meanwhile, Kat and Ana are getting off their bus.

Kat: I can't believe we got held back!

Ana: Well it's your fault! You're the one who thought the substitute was a demon in disguise!

Kat: Shut up!

Goomba King: Here come the kids. Birdo and Geno, you're the cutest looking, sell them the stuff.

Birdo: Ok, Geno, I have a plan.

Geno: I have a bad feeling about this.


Biff Atlas and Bandit are carrying the coins while the others are in the hospital.

Biff Atlas: Well, Bandit buddy, this is it. We're so close to failure right now.

Bandit: Not true! I can figure out one way we can still win this.

Biff Atlas: I'm going to regret this, but what?

Bandit: You're a ghost, so why don't you just teleport to the park?

Biff Atlas face palms himself, just realizing he can do that.

Biff Atlas: SEE YA!

Biff Atlas teleports away.



Birdo: So to attract kids, you need to wear this

Birdo shows Geno the leotard Disco Kid wears in Punch-Out

Geno: NO WAY! No way am I wearing that!

Birdo: But you have to! Think of the children who buy your dolls.

Geno: Forget the children! I'd rather die than wear that thing!

Birdo: Then we're going to lose.

Geno: We sabotaged the other team, remember?

Biff Atlas: Sup, guys?

Geno: Sup? ... Wait. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Biff Atlas: Selling chocolate coins to the kids.

Geno: Oh yeah? Well I bet we can do better!


The kids run up to Biff Atlas, holding out their money for the chocolate coins. Geno turns red with rage.

Geno: That's it!

Geno puts on the leotard.

Birdo: Hey kids, ever feel too hyper when eating chocolate bars? Then you need the relaxing chocolate bar.

The kids look at Geno and laugh like crazy while Geno does aerobics

Birdo: Why don't you try Relaxing Chocolate bars? 5 coins a bar. And we'll have the funny man do more funny stuff.

Kids: OK!

Kat: NO WAY! I want chocolate coins!

Ana: ME TOO!

Biff Atlas: Plently of chocolate coins for everyone!

Goomba King: Oh no! There is a giant troll in that barn!

Kat: Let's take it down like we did last year!

Ana: YAY!

Kat and Ana run off, while Fawful and Booster run the other direction screaming their heads off.

Snifit 3: Ummm, they do know you were acting to get Kat and Ana away from them, right?

Goomba King: I don't think so.

Suddenly Jimmy T. pops out of nowhere.

Jimmy T: Meeting time!

Geno: We have this in the bag!

Wario's Meeting Room

Wario is missing. Jimmy T. and Mona are in their chairs, Silver look like they're ready to kill Squash for what they did, and Silver is lounging around whistling.

Bandit: When's Wario coming, anyway?

Geno: You're going to wish he didn't come.

Goomba King: We sabotaged you guys twice!

Biff Atlas: We still made sales!

Waluigi hands a paper to Jimmy T.

Jimmy T: And Waluigi will sue you for breaking his jaw!

Birdo: Let's have peace, guys.

Silver and Squash: NO!

Jimmy T: (reading off paper) NO!

This continues for an hour.

One hour later…

Wario comes out of the bathroom.

Wario: Ah that felt good.

Fawful: I don't know the wantness!

Wario sits down in his awesome chair.

Wario: Yesterday morning, I made you guys make candy and sell it to kids. Now I must say I'm disgusted by what the Silver team has done to themselves!

Silver glares at Squash.

Wario: Bowser, you really let yourself go!

Silver: ...

Wario: Anyway, your team leader was Bandit, and he did badly!

Bandit: Well, Biff Atlas did do most of the work.

Wario: You don't speak. Squash, your team leader was Birdo. Did she do good?

Geno: Aside from the leotard, she did good.

Goomba King: Eh, did pretty good.

Fawful: She was of greatness!

Wario: I see the winner! But let's look at the results. Jimmy. how much did Silver make?

Jimmy T: Biff Atlas sold 14 chocolate coins

Wario: That makes how much money?

Jimmy T: At a coin a bar, that's 14 coins.

Wario: *facepalm* Mona, please tell me how much Squash made before I shoot myself in the head.

Mona: They sold 14 chocolate bars.

Wario: Let me guess, they sold them for 1 coin a bar?

Mona: No, they sold them for 5 coins a bar, that's 70 coins in total.

Wario: Well, it's not much, but you guys did manage to make more money. Very good, here's your reward.

Wario gives each of them a chocolate bar.

Booster: Thanks! I'm starving!

Booster bites into his chocolate bar and gets electrocuted, then Wario bursts out laughing.

Wario: AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! What a moron! He bit into my electric choco bar.

Squash chuckle nervously, then pick up Booster and carry him out.

Wario: Ok, you guys did TERRIBLE! But I cannot change the past. Bandit, what went wrong?

Bandit: If you ask me, it was Biff Atlas who jinxed us by making the taxi explode due to our size.

Wario: ... I'm sorry, that has got to be the stupidest reason I ever heard. Lakitu, you have immunity, but what's with the black eyes?

Lakitu: Well you see, the taxi exploded, giving my right eye a black eye, then the other team ran me over and gave my left eye a black eye.

Wario: Don't care! Biff Atlas, this is all in all your fault, but you did most of the work as well.

Biff Atlas: Yes, I made all the sales, yet I'm the reason I was the only one there.

Wario: You confuse me sometimes, you know that?

Biff Atlas: I'm big, I made a taxi explode, I sold chocolate coins, that's as simple as I can put it.

Wario: You DO NOT talk to your maybe future boss like that! Bowser! You've said nothing since we've been in here, what's on your mind?

Bowser: ...

Biff Atlas whacks him upside the head.


Wario: Oooook. Thank you. Lemmy, why aren't you sitting down?

Lemmy: Because my tailbone is broken and now I have to stand perfectly upright.

Wario: Awww, what a sad story, let me play a sad song for you.

Wario takes out a violin and plays a sad song, and Jimmy T, Mona, and Silver are reduced to tears.

Wario: Works every time. Bro, what's with the ducktape?

Waluigi writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to Jimmy T.

Jimmy T: (reading off paper) Waluigi has this ducktape around his head because when the taxi exploded Walugi's jaw hit the ground and shattered, now Waluigi is using this to keep it in place until it heals.

Mona: And I thought I had it rough.

Wario: *sigh* Lakitu, who would you fire?

Lakitu: Personally, I would fire Biff Atlas, he just ruined it for us.

Wario: Biff Atlas?

Biff Atlas: I would fire Waluigi, he hasn't been doing any work plus he has that broken jaw.

Wario: Bowser?

Bowser: BANDIT!

Wario: Any particular reason?


Wario: Lemmy?

Lemmy: Really, I would have to say Biff Atlas, he ruined it for most of us.

Wario: Bro?

Waluigi points to Biff Atlas.

Wario: Ok Bandit, who do you want to send to privately talk with me?

Bandit: Biff Atlas and Waluigi.

Wario: Ok, you guys are safe again.

Lakitu, Bowser, and Lemmy hop into a pipe.

Wario: I want to have a little talk with you three.

Wario leads the three morons up to the top floor.

Wario: Now that we're alone, Bandit, why shouldn't I fire you?

Bandit: Because none of the bad stuff really revolves around me, I wasn't responsible for the taxi explosion.

Wario: But you decided to do little-to-nothing.

Bandit: I carried half the coins.

Wario: But that's it. Not much actual work with you being a leader. Anyway, Biff Atlas, why shouldn't I fire you?

Biff Atlas: Because I'm powerful and I was the only who made sales, plus I've been doing a lot of good things in the past.

Wario: But right now, you did cause a lot of injuries.

Biff Atlas: True.

Wario: *sigh* Bro, Why shouldn't I fire you?

Waluigi hands Wario a piece of paper.

Wario: (reading off paper) Because when Waluigi was leader Waluigi won the challenge. These other two were leaders and failed! Plus Waluigi wasn't responsible for his injuries.

Wario: Interesting point. I think it's safe to say that Bandit didn't really make a mistake. So you're safe.

Bandit: Thank you again, Wario!

Wario turns to the other two.

Wario: This is going to be hard, but from what I've heard, but from what I've got today, one of you caused a major injury and made sales, and one of you was the victim of many incidents.

Biff Atlas and Waluigi look nervous.

Wario: The survivor probably won't win, but I need moneymakers more than victims. So I'm sorry, Bro, but you're FIRED!

Bandit and Biff Atlas leave while Waluigi stands there stunned.

Wario: Sorry Bro, you just have too many injuries. Now OUT OF MY BUILDING!

Waluigi runs up the stairs and into the Cheep Cheep blimp crying. He is so upset that he refuses to talk to the camera.

Narrator: One job, now 11 people fighting for it. Wario's search for an apprentice continues.

Wario: Hey! Look what Roy Koopa sent me as a Christmas present!


Wario: I know it's cheesy, but it sure is fun!

Read on!

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