Wario's Apprentice

By Badyoyo

Wario: Last time I put ten contestants up to the test of selling Piranha Plants to Princess Daisy. Squash resorted to the whole commercial gimmick, while Silver just mugged her. There was a lot of controversy on who won, but after Biff Atlas picking up the winning purse, Silver won the challenge. And because I hate him, Fawful, the Game Company President, got fired. This week I'm pulling out an old task to see if they can do it again…

The Apartment, 6:30 AM

Silver is cooking themselves a hearty breakfast, while Squash is pouting in a corner, eating Birdo eggs.

Biff Atlas: I must say, I'm glad our losing streak is gone. I think we can win a lot of challenges now.

Snifit 3: Ummm, hooray! I have immunity.

Bandit: Yeah, but why give up a date with Daisy?

Snifit 3: Ummmm, she's not my type.

Biff Atlas: Why do you guys care so much about 1 girl that's goes HI I'M DAISY every five seconds you play as her in Mario Kart?

Lemmy: I don't know, something about her just makes us feel all warm inside

Lemmy, Lakitu, and Bandit let out a sigh of happiness.

Lakitu: This is why Nintendo didn't put you two in anymore games.

Lemmy: Even though you have immunity, you still have a lot to learn.

Meanwhile with the losers...

Birdo: I absolutely hate our author

Geno: SHH! We're not supposed to talk about him.

Goomba King: Look at them happily eating breakfast. It's not like they've done anything good.

Birdo: I know, they're really getting on my nerves.

Geno: We can't really blame them, though, we lost three of our challenges.

Booster: Let's not worry, and prepare for today's challenge... Did I mention that Birdo egg tastes really good?

Birdo: I didn't give you any Birdo eggs.

Booster: Then what's this rubbery thing I'm eating?


The phone rings; Booster spits out Lemmy's ball, then eats 4 dozen normal eggs at once. Lakitu picks up the phone.

Lakitu: Hello?

Wario: I want you guys to meet me at Diamond City Dump in 30 minutes.

Lakitu: Yes sir.

Lakitu hangs up.

Lakitu: Ok guys, we have to get to Diamond City Dump in half an hour.

Everyone starts running because the dump is on the other side of the city. Wario is standing right in front of the dump.

Wario: Good morning. I bet you all are wondering what the task is.

All 9 nod.

Wario: Good, because it's based off one you have done. Behind me you see a vast desert land of rejected ideas for society. They were popular for 15 seconds, then people just threw them out after I showed them my latest microgames. Among these sad truths are the Gizmondo, the Virtual Boy,  Super Mario Sunshine, Superman 64, every single Mario Party game, Large Fry, Cackletta, Mario and Luigi Bowser's Inside Story... Large Fry and Cackletta?!

Large Fry: Hello!

Cackletta: What's * hack* up?

Wario: What are you two doing here?! Large Fry, you should be in your kitchen; and you should be wherever you live, Cackletta!

Large Fry: I got fired, and now I work here, cooking for these rats.

Cackletta: Good *blech* news, though.

Everyone but Large Fry and Cackletta: What?

Cackletta: Me and *cough* Large Fry are* cough* married.

Everyone but Large Fry and Cackletta; WHAT?!

Large Fry: It's true, we had our honeymoon in a dumpster behind my old kitchen.

Cackletta and Large Fry start making out.


Wario: Wahhh!

Wario presses a button and it teleports them (like in Star Trek) to Wario's Office.

Wario: That was scary. Let's get this over with. You're going to make toys for kids. You have two days to do this. The first day, you will think up your idea and give it to the creative society again. Then on the second day you're going to sell it to the second best sales person in town, Captain Syrup. The idea that Captain Syrup takes will determine the winner. Since everyone has been a team leader now, you're going to vote for who's your team leader. Squash, you go first.

Birdo: Goomba King

Geno: Birdo

Goomba: King: Birdo

Booster: Me.

Wario: Birdo is your team leader again. Silver, who is your team leader?

Bandit: Snifit 3.

Biff Atlas: Lakitu.

Lakitu: Lemmy.

Lemmy: Lakitu.

Snifit 3: Biff Atlas.

Wario: Lakitu is your team leader again. Now get out of my office, I need to get rid of the plague that has hit my eyes.


Birdo: Ok, we're going to split up. Me and Geno will stay here and think up nice ideas, while Goomba King and Booster will find ideas so we don't end up copying anyone.

Goomba King: Gotcha.

Goomba King and Booster run out.

Birdo: Ok Geno, what makes a toy good?

Geno: I have a pleasant idea, why not make it based off me?

Birdo: You don't mean…

Geno: Oh yes.

Birdo: A doll based off you?

Geno: Precisely.

With Goomba King and Booster..

Goomba King: First, we should hit the toy store.

Booster: No, we should check the playgrounds.

Goomba King: No, I believe that we'll find more successful toys in a toy store.

Booster: No, I think we should ask kids what they like in a toy.

Goomba King: Who's the toy maker here?

Booster: Geno.

Goomba King: ... Fine, we'll ask the kids.

Booster: Why?

Goomba King: Statistically since you are both from SMRPG, you have a better mind than mine on kids’ toys.

Booster: Ooooook.


Lakitu: It feels good to be in charge again.

Biff Atlas: What shall we do, Boss?

Lakitu: ( I love how they call me boss.) Here's what we need to do. We first need to think up ideas.

Bandit: This seems simple.

Snifit 3: Ummm, ok.

Lemmy: Just like when I first made Lemmy's Land.

Lakitu: Everyone start thinking up ideas.

Everyone starts writing things on paper as they think about successful toys.

1 hour later...

Silver: I'VE GOT IT!

Lakitu: Ok, I'll give my idea first, then we'll go in alphabetical order.

Snifit 3: (So unfair!)

Lakitu: I call it the RC bumper killer.

Lakitu shows a diagram of a bumper car with customizable faces.

Lakitu: This little thing will race around a room at a maximum speed of 20 miles per hour, and if it bumps into anything, it will keep bumping that item until it gets out of the way.

Bandit: Kind of stupid if you think about it.

Lakitu: Let's see you do better.

Bandit: A Wind Crystal Teddy Bear!

Silver: NO!

Biff Atlas: Here's something that could work, it's a battle arena for kids, you take two random action figures of any size, put them on top of this dark tower, place a dome over the figures, have them battle, and whoever is bigger, wins!

Lemmy: So Geno would win every time?

Biff Atlas: Yes, yes he would.

Lemmy: Rather stupid if you think about it.

Biff Atlas: Well I want to see you do better.

Lemmy: Ok, here's my idea, LEMMY'S LAND THE BOARDGAME!

Silver: YES!

Snifit 3: Ummm, don't I get to show my toy?

Silver: NO!

Snifit 3: Awwww.


Goomba King: Hello, little guy, what would like in a brand new toy?


Goomba King: Ok, Booster, write that down.

Booster: Must... be... deadly. I'm going to ask that kid on the swings, while you ask that kid on the slide.

Booster walks up to a kid reading a book on the swings.

Booster:  (All right, this is my chance, I'll just make the toy about what he's reading.) Hello, little boy, what are you reading?

Another Kid: CORN!

Booster: Corn? Let me see that

Booster swipes the book from the kid, looks at it, and sees it's a book with very high vocabulary on how corn is made

Booster: Where in the name of DAD did you get this?! You kids shouldn't be reading this! You're in elementary school!

Kid: Mr. Malovonnie gave it to me.

The kid points to a teacher who looks like a combination of Albert Einstein and Jeff Foxworthy.

Booster: Uh...

Booster walks up to Goomba King and taps him on the back.

Booster: I think we should leave.

Goomba King: Agreed. Do you know what this kid is doing?

Booster: Is it worse than-

Goomba King: Think periodic table times ten.

Booster: ... Wait, what's a periodic table?

Goomba King: I have no idea. Where are we anyway?

Booster and Goomba King walk past a sign saying "Elementary School for those that have the brains of famous scientists". They, of course, don't notice it.

With Geno and Birdo:

Geno: Ok, just put down two black spots for pupils, and PRESTO! You got a me doll!

Birdo makes a Geno doll.

Birdo: Awww, it looks so cute.

Geno: Why thank you.

Birdo: I didn't say YOU were cute!

Geno: ...

Booster and Goomba King come in.

Booster: I-


Birdo points to the magazine Booster swiped from the kid, which is now in Booster's hand.

Booster: Uh...

Booster throws the book out the window.

Booster: I have no idea what you're talking about.


Booster: The what?

Birdo: The greatest encyclopedia collection in the world about nothing but vegetables! I have every single one except CORN!

Birdo starts inflicting massive pain on Booster, but we need to skip to Silver


Lemmy: Ok, we got the basic design. (Go around Lemmy's Land putting in submissions to get 25 Koopaling votes.)

Biff Atlas: We got the players. (The original Koopalings and Bowser Jr. figurines.)

Bandit: Please note that he said the original Koopalings. Anyway, we got the cards. (Titles of submissions in Little Lemmy's Land.)

Snifit 3: Ummm... What's this?

Lemmy: That's the timer we're going to use for my weekly update.

Snifit 3: Oh.

Lakitu: And I have Mario's Pad and Luigi's Mansion, with four houses on each.

Bandit: Are you sure we should be doing this and playing Monopoly at the same time?

The team is making the game with one hand apiece, while playing Mario Monopoly with the other.

Lakitu: You're just jealous because I'm winning; it's better than our first idea.

Biff Atlas: Flashback time.


Lemmy: Ok, I sacrifice my two Walls of Illusions to play Dark Magician.

Biff Atlas: Nerd.

Bandit: Oh yeah? I sacrifice my Ancient Gear Soldiers to play the Ancient Gear Golem

Biff Atlas: Bigger nerd.

Lakitu is doing all the work.

*End Flashback*

Lemmy: Well, since the design is finished, shall we take it to the creative society?

Biff Atlas: You mean we have to see that weird British Turtle again? Ugh.

Bandit: Relax, just ignore what he says and let me do the talking again.


Birdo: Well that was fun.

Booster is seen covered in Birdo egg and blood.

Booster: Ow...

Geno: Don't you think you were a little too rough on him?

Birdo: He deserved it. Anyway, let's just leave Booster behind and get going to the Creative Society.

Goomba King: With what, exactly?

Geno: A me doll!

Goomba King: How lovely…

Birdo: I know, it's so ugly.

Geno: A few minutes ago you said it was cute!

Birdo: Yeah, but that was before you spoke.

Geno: Well, I'm sure it's better than what the other team has got.

Squash enters the Creative Society.

Kolorado: Good day, old chaps, I haven't seen you since that very thin man came to pick up that gardening set. Am I right or am I tiddlyboom?

Squash: ?

Kolorado: Anyway, old beans, what is it you have to give me?

Birdo: Oh nothing, just 100 copies of this doll.

Birdo hands Kolorado the Geno doll. Kolorado inspects it.

Kolorado: IT'S ELEMENTARY! This doll resembles that man! Therefore he killed that nice fellow Waluigi!

Kolorado points to Geno, who gives Birdo a "What the?" look.

Birdo: No, all we want you to do is make 100 copies.

Kolorado: Oh, why didn't you say so, old teapot?

Birdo: -_-

Kolorado throws the doll in a big machine. 5 seconds later 100 Geno dolls come out.

Kolorado: There, now get out of my building, I have a very important meeting with some buggas named Silber.

Creative Koopa: It's Silver.

Kolorado: That's what I said. Now get out.

Kolorado pushes Squash out of the Creative Society.

Birdo: Talk about rude.

Booster: HI GUYS!

Goomba King: GAAH!

Geno: Where did you come from?

Booster: After you guys left, I healed myself, then found the book Birdo was looking for.

Booster shows Squash the book about corn. Birdo has stars in her eyes as she then hugs him.

Birdo: Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Booster: *nearly out of breath* Okay... Too tight!

Geno: (muttering to Goomba King) Have you ever seen a girl so obsessed with this type of stuff?

Goomba King: (muttering to Geno) Yeah, I work in this type of business.

Booster: Help... me.


Kolorado: Ah, welcome again, old chaps.

Biff Atlas: Oh man.

Snifit 3: Ummm, hi.

Lakitu: This is the guy you were talking about?

Bandit: Yeah, as you can tell he's rather annoying.

Kolorado: Enough chit chat. What do wish to show me?

Lemmy: Take it away, Bandit!

Biff Atlas: No! Don't say-

Suddenly the whole Creative Society turns on its side and feels like it’s moving 1 foot at a time. Then Biff Atlas comes through the floor, er, wall.

Biff Atlas: We already did this, Bandit, put it back and show them the board game.

Bandit (holding Creative Society): Sorry, that's just a gut instinct.

Bandit puts it back down.

Kolorado: I say! That is getting rather unpleasant.

Lakitu: Can we just get this over with?

Bandit: Gladly. You see, this board game called "Lemmy's Land the Board Game" is a game based off the famous website we're on now. It's like a virtual life, only there's no virtual reality in it.

Kolorado: This is more confusing than your chew toy, you know that?

Biff Atlas: Will you do it or not?

Kolorado: It will take a lot of work, but we'll do it.

Biff Atlas: Good.

Silver leaves.

The next day....

Geno: Ah, today is the day we sell my me doll to Captain Syrup.

Birdo: Yep, today's the day I get immunity again.

Goomba King: Today's the day I get no credit, because you chose another toy and didn’t let us know, while Booster gets complimented for doing nothing.

Booster: Yay!

Geno: Stop explaining every episode and let's go.

Goomba King: That's not every episode, it's just-

Birdo whacks Goomba King with an egg.

Goomba King: What was that for?!

Birdo: To make you shut up.


Biff Atlas is seen floating out of the exercise room, sweating ectoplasm

Biff Atlas: Another day, another great workout-

Lemmy: AND today's the day Lemmy's Land the Board Game gets sent to Captain Syrup!

Snifit 3: Ummmmm, yay.

Lakitu: We have this in the bag.

Bandit: Like this sack of coins I stole last night.

Biff Atlas: Sweet, let's get to the Creative Society... Wait... Why am I enjoying a trip there?

Lemmy: Probably just the apocalypse

TV: This just in! The four horsemen have invaded Diamond City, but Wario in all his awesomeness scared them away.

Lemmy: Told ya. Now it's gone.

Lakitu: Man, when is that taxi coming? Booster should've gotten that by now.

Snifit 3: Ummmm, Booster's not on our team, is he?

Lemmy: He's not, and we'll have to walk there.

Bandit: Aw, I hate walking.

 At the Creative Society...

Kolorado: I say! It took you chaps long enough.

Biff Atlas: Shut up and give us our board game!

Kolorado: Here you go, old chaps! One board game-

Lemmy snatches the board game and jumps up and down happily.

Lemmy: YAHOO!

Lakitu: Now to claim my immunity.

Snifit 3: Ummm, to Games Ahoy?

Lemmy: Agreed!

Biff Atlas: Hooray!

Meanwhile in the hall of justic- I mean, Games Ahoy.

Captain Syrup: ARR! What do you stupid scallywags want?!

Goomba King: Oh nothing, just want to see if you'll buy our toy.

Captain Syrup: ARR! Fine, but make it quick before I make you walk the plank.

Captain Syrup presses a button and part of the floor opens up, revealing a tank of water filled with piranhas, Piranha Plants, and about 100 copies of the High School Musical trilogy set.

Birdo: *gulp*

Geno: Ok, you see, this doll is based off the world's biggest videogame hero... Me!

Captain Syrup: ARR! And how would you make it sell?!

Geno: I'm so popular, the kids will pay big bucks for this type of stuff.

Captain Syrup: ... I'll think about it.

Squash leaves and Silver comes in. Snifit 3 falls in the tank.

Snifit 3: Um, ow... ow... ow... ow... ooooh Zac Efron… ow... ow... ow... oooh Ashley Tisdale... ow... ow... ow…

Biff Atlas: What the?

Captain Syrup: ARR! Show me what you got before I make you walk the plank just like your buddy!

Lemmy: Yes, you see, this board game is based off of the best videogame site on the internet, LEMMY'S LAND!

Captain Syrup:  … I've heard enough. Bring Squash in.

Biff Atlas floats outside Captain Syrup's office and motions Squash to come back in. Meanwhile Captain Syrup starts calling someone on her cell phone.

Captain Syrup: Ok, I have Wario on the phone. Say hello, Wario.

Phone: Hello, eight friends and someone who is going to get fired.

Everyone but Snifit 3: Hello, Wario.

Phone: Ok, Captain Syrup, what do you think?

Captain Syrup: ARR! Squash came in first with a Geno doll! The creation looks just like him, and it looks quite cute.

Geno: Thank you.

Captain Syrup: However, Geno himself is not cute.

Geno: ...

Captain Syrup: Anyway, Silver made a board game for a website I don't know about. It looks a little stupid-looking, and I don't think board games off websites will do in this game store... I'm going to buy Squash's toy.

Squash: WOOHOO!

Phone: Congratulations, Squash. As a reward to go with Birdo getting immunity again, you guys will get a Nintendo Wii along with a copy of WarioWare Smooth Moves!

Booster: HOORAH!

Squash: HOORAH!

Biff Atlas: OH COME ON! The time they win a challenge, they win an actual prize?!

Phone: Silver, you get a prize as well.

Bandit: This is cool, what is it?

Phone: You all get to be shot to my office through a cannon!

Suddenly the entire floor opens up and Silver falls into a giant cannon.

Lemmy: Now that's just unfair!

The cannon launches Silver into their respective seats.

Wario: Good day. Looks like you lost again. I'm just going to cut to the chase. Lakitu, what went wrong?

Lakitu: Captain Syrup didn't know what Lemmy's Land is.

Wario: Did any of you call her to see if she knew about the website?

Lakitu: Well... no.

Wario: A true businessman knows to call a client before offering an idea.

Lakitu: Yes Wario, I'll try to do better if I make it.

Wario: You might not. Biff, what were the other ideas?

Biff Atlas: Well Lakitu wanted make a remote-controlled car that would never move if something was in its way, Bandit wanted to make a Wind Crystal teddy bear, I came up with a battle dome for all kinds of action figures-

Snifit 3: And... um... don't forget my idea of a Diamond City playset complete with all the WarioWare characters.

Wario: ... You suggested that?

Snifit 3: Yep.

Wario: You guys do know if you listened to Biff OR Snifit 3 you would've won the challenge, right?

Lakitu: Well… now.

Snifit 3: But... um... my idea was ignored because Lemmy suggested Lemmy's Land the Board Game.

Wario: Lemmy, why did you suggest the game?

Lemmy: Lemmy's Land is one of the best sites on videogames ever!

Wario: Is that a fact? Or an opinion?

Lemmy: ... Opinion.

Wario: Exactly! Bandit, you're tied with Lakitu for stupidest idea, your Wind Crystal chew toy didn't work out in episode 2. Why did you think a teddy bear would work?

Bandit: Girls love teddy bears. Watch.

Bandit tosses a random teddy bear at Mona.

Mona: Awwww, thank you! <3

Mona cuddles the teddy bear.

Wario: I see your point. Biff Atlas, who would you fire?

Biff Atlas: Lemmy, he suggested the board game.

Wario: Snifit 3?

Snifit 3: Hmmmm, I would have to say Lemmy, for Biff Atlas's reasons

Wario: Lemmy?

Lemmy: I would fire Bandit for suggesting the teddy bear, wasting 20 percent of our work.

Wario: Bandit?

Bandit: I would fire Lakitu, he was the leader of this.

Wario: Ok, Lakitu, choose two people you want to send to privately talk with me.

Lakitu: Bandit and Lemmy.

Wario: Ok, you two are safe again.

Snifit 3 and Biff Atlas hop into a pipe.

Wario: I want to have a little talk with you three.

Wario leads the two idiots and Lemmy up to the top floor.

Wario: Now that we're alone, Lakitu, why shouldn't I fire you?

Lakitu: Because, for one thing, I didn't come up with the Lemmy's Land board game idea. Plus, I'm the only team leader here that didn't fail at his job.

Wario: If you're in this room and you're a team leader, you did fail your job.

Lakitu: But when I was first given my task, I won the challenge.

Wario: With a lot of your team editing it.

Lakitu: ... True.

Wario: Bandit, why shouldn't I fire you?

Bandit: Because, out of the three of us, my idea was the best; and Lakitu may have won immunity, but it was a make your own business challenge, not the type of challenge of stuff we're going to do a lot as your apprentice, and he failed at that job. Plus while Lakitu was right about me not getting immunity, it was because the other team sabotaged us.

Wario: Ok, and Lemmy, why shouldn't I fire you?

Lemmy: Because unlike Lakitu and Bandit, I stick to one plan. Bandit had to walk instead of ride in a taxi, Lakitu had to paint faces instead of be an untrained assassin. Plus, he made us give our ideas in alphabetical order, so Snifit 3 was never given a chance.

Wario: Ok, this isn't that hard to choose, unlike a few other episodes, but I've made a decision.

Wario faces all three.

Wario: Lakitu, if it hadn't been for you, Snifit 3's idea probably would've been taken and you guys might not be here right now.

Lakitu: The entire group of Silver said yes to the idea.

Lemmy: I didn't say yes.

Lakitu: You came up with the idea, you're not allowed to give your opinion.

Wario: You two shut up! Bandit, you had a stupid idea, no one on your team liked it, but it seems the impact might have worked. I'm going to keep you, but you're a hair's length from getting fired.

Bandit: Thank you, Wario.

Wario: And Lemmy, had it not been for your idea you guys wouldn't be in here.

Lemmy: But Lakitu's orders took away our best man.

Lakitu: And yet you forced us to ignore Biff's idea, which I really liked.

Wario: Ok, my final decision is made... Lemmy...

Lemmy: *gulp*

Wario: You're FIRED!

Lakitu and Bandit leave while Lemmy just stands there, stunned.


Lemmy climbs up the steps to the roof and gets into the Cheep Cheep Blimp.

Lemmy: Getting rid of me was a bad idea on the author's part. He is so going to get banned from my Land FOREVER!

Author: Stop talking about me!

The blimp tips and Lemmy falls out an open window.

Narrator: One job, now 8 people working for it, Wario's search for an apprentice continues.

Lemmy falls on the narrator.

Lemmy: At least I landed on something soft.

A garbage truck runs over Lemmy and the narrator.

Read on!

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